28 August 2008

In taking my daily rest in the Cheap Seats and something stood out in one this post Vaginal Conversation that I can’t seem to shake.

Terry, the ever vocal, trash-talking; scotch drinking; cigar smoking, fat, white guy (his words not mine) said this, “…p*ssy isn’t the goal; it’s a gift” and I’ve been gobsmacked ever since.

The more I think about it; the more I agree with it. I think we focus too much on what’s so readily available and easy to get than working toward earning it. It’s treated with such little regard by men and women that it’s any wonder there is such little moral value in our society. No, I’m not getting onto a moral pedestal, but what I am doing is speaking to something that so few are really paying attention to.

Here’s a scenario…man meets woman…they hit it off…they talk a bit…go out…sleep together…suddenly realize they’ve really got nothing in common or really don’t like each other after all…relationship ends…or they decide the sex is good and continue to see each other in spite of the other things not being in place.

This pattern is a trend for many people and one that leads to so many of the jacked relationships we hear about.

My humble opinion says, why not fight the urge for sudden instant physical gratification and see if the person is really worth giving so much of yourself to? Trust and believe I know it’s hard, but it’s a far cry better than doing something of minimal value and not having anything of merit to show for it than waiting. It’s sad that people are more willing to shed their clothes than to share their true selves.

I’ve often wondered what really goes on in the minds of those who have more notches than they can even recall. I wonder if they regret any of the meaningless sexual encounters they’ve had or regret giving so freely of themselves to still end up alone? This inquiring mind truly does want to know. Quantity in this instance does not and should not equate to quality or substance.

I recently thought about lil lady and her boyfriend of two years and how they’ve talked about being together for life and I recall being a bit troubled by it. Now, that I’ve given it some more thought, the idea doesn’t bother me so much because at least I know they truly love and care for each enough to wait and be sure of their actions. If teens can get it, how come we can’t/won’t. They may very well change their minds and end up with others, but the fact still remains that they love/care enough about each to do what’s in their best overall interest.

Blog fam, we’re already a community broken and this behavior trend plays a key role in why. Yes, I realize other races probably have this issue to, but I’m speaking on my community. With the HIV rate skyrocketing, it’s one more reason to slow your roll.

“Sometimes doing the hard thing, is doing the right thing”. I’ve heard this quote said a couple of ways and this is my best recollection of it and it speaks volumes in so many ways.

Goal or gift; what's you’re say?

Love!

27 August 2008

Mind dumping #2

I tell people, “I make crazy look sane” all the time. Said it recently, and the person was a little shook.

Why is it when you tell people you don’t do the bullshit and drama, it’s those very same people who bring it to you?

Words without action are just words.

Do things that make people not notice you for just your skin color.

If you haven’t done it already, call, txt, or write someone and let them know you love them or how much they mean to you.

Make sure you take care of your health and get your checkups/blood tests done. It’s better to know than not know. (Take that from a 1 year breast cancer survivor)

Clean out your closets emotionally, no good will come of any future relationship if you don’t.

Speak up, speak out, and stand for something.

Sometimes you can judge a book by its cover; people tend to show you who they are without ever opening up.

Actions speak loud as hell.

Never invest where there is no yield on your deposit; meaning stop being in or pursuing relationships with no progression.

Stop competing with the short bus and losing.

If you’re honest you never have to worry about anything you’ve said/done.

There is NO such thing as p*ssy or d*ck THAT good to make you act the damn fool over.

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is; honor your intuition.

If you’re grown and sexy; then act accordingly; nothing’s worse than grown folk acting a damn monkey and looking a triple hot mess.

Please, please, please STOP saying the following: irregardless, conversate, and putting ‘ted’ on the end of words that do not require it…lookted is NOT a word!

Make informed decisions and stop jumping on bandwagons.
Love!

26 August 2008

what freedom feels like...

Have you ever been in a situation where some had truly done you wrong and instead of getting pissed at them, you got mad in private? I’m sure you have and I have too and if I must say so myself, I handled it like a champ.

Last year, I met someone and was reluctant to form anything more than a friendship with him. Over time, I got to know him and enjoyed talking and hanging out with him. I was still uncertain of how I felt emotionally because there was a huge geographical distance between us and I didn’t want to over invest. The latter end of last year, I spent some time with him and things seemed to take a progressive turn. He began to talk of relocating and the possibility of a future with me. I still reserved my feelings; although it become obvious to me that I liked him more than I was willing to admit.

Fast forward to earlier this year and we spent a really good week together and I finally admitted that I felt I was developing strong feelings and began to entertain his talk of relocating. Things remained cool until he up and disappeared. Yes, just bounced; no call; no txt; just gone. At first, I didn’t call, but then got pissed and called a few times, but never left a message (I’m not a big message leaver). Days turned into weeks and still no hear from, so I was like, it’s time for me to fall back. I checked with fam and they said, he was okay but out of town. So, I’m like, aiight, I see how you’re living and reminded myself of what I’d told him, “what you won’t do, another man will”. In other words, I packed up my little hurt feelings and said the hell witchya.

Last week; Wednesday to be exact, I get a txt saying, “I’m back now. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Well, tomorrow still hasn’t arrived because he hasn’t called. So, being the big girl that I am and knowing that I’m not going to carry the annoyance any further, I called him. He was very casual and nonchalant about his disappearance and lack of communication. He even teased that he knew I was cussing him out. When I remained calm and on subject he asked if I was going to cuss him out and I said no. He gave me a half-assed apology and said he hoped I’d accept it. He made mention of my birthday being next month and I told him, had he waited until then to call me, I would have truly been pissed cause his call would mess it up not enhance it. I went on to tell him that what he did said a lot about him and left it at that. And as luck would have it, his cell crapped out and I never called back.

What freedom feels like is that I moved on without the drama and theatrics. Cussing him out wouldn’t have made me feel better because that’s what he was expecting. It felt good to simply accept that his behavior is not something I can accept or tolerate and I know exactly what category to put him in. I’m glad that I didn’t invest my feelings too deeply and won’t feel the pain of letting go. Yea, it saddens me, but as I said earlier, “what he won’t do, another man will”, in fact another already has. YAY me! *lol*

Love!

21 August 2008

pic tales

Trifecta... You can't catch a Jamaican woman!


Flag to be proud of!

Damn; just damn! How fly is that?!


Becks...nuff said!

How I get through the days; especially after viewing the next pic...

Oh the thoughts this pic conjures...TFTTB!

Black love never looked so good.

The Adinkra symbol for "I Shall Marry You" when I'm blessed to be married again, I'm having this inked on my ring finger.



Me all glammed up...Karrie.b would be proud!

Posted by Picasa
Love!















20 August 2008

Jamaica is running things...LITERALLY!!!

Okay, I don't usually get all bragadocious, but I can't help it with the way the Jamaican runners have been killing it. I always route for Jamaica in the Olympics and this year was no exception and boy have I ever been proud of my island and it's atheletes.

I'm sure you already know that Usain Bolt has been and continued to do the damn thing and his latest run was absolutely amazing.

Love to the following (that I can immediately name in my elation):
Shelly-Ann Fraser
Kerron Stewart
Melanie Walker
Sherone Simpson
Veronica Campbell-Brown
Vonnette Dixon
Nickeisha Anderson
Aasafa Powell
Marvin Williams

Bigs up to di Jamaica massive everywhere in de worl an aal me yard people dem on di island an nuff luv an rispek to di Jamaican Track/Field athelets. Lawd me know seh dem a party hard an a big it up down a yard.

Love!

Top 10 List #4

This one is centered around dating and the potential of new relationships. Since the Blu in my Jewel is shining pretty bright these days, I'm venturing into "getting my groove back" territory and it's both exciting and scary. Here are my thoughts on my current interest...

Likes…
The excitement and newness

The schoolgirl butterflies

The knowing who I am confidence

Knowing censorship is unnecessary and open/honest dialog is important

Feeling secure knowing I’m not a bag lady and will only bring me into the potential of a new relationship

The cultural familiarity and ease

The imagery of what he's doing/how he looks

The “what are you wearing?” and the “where you thinking about me?” questions

The “when will I see you again?” thought

Waiting and not rushing; knowing a moral compass isn’t a bad thing

Dislikes…
The distance even though it’s only a 2+ hour drive

Feeling like I’ve been out of the game for too long

Wondering if he’s truly able to deal with and accept a woman like me

The thoughts that stir in the recesses of my mind

Some of the distracted/empty phone calls

The Unknowns vs. The Doubts vs. The Potential

The sexual tension

Thinking he’s just after the sex

That we have conflicting sexual likes/dislikes

He’s got one hella potty mouth

19 August 2008

Open Letter #3 (To My BrOtHeRs)

Dear you!

How can you not see that you’re deserving and worthy of so much more than you’re allowing yourself to settle for? Why can’t you see that you’re only negatively impacting your life by failing to man up and move into the future? No woman in her right mind is going to accept a man who she feels is incapable of making the hard decisions. You say you want a woman who’s strong, assertive, independent, and knows how to treat a man, but you’ve constantly settled for women who are anything but that. Man, read this and realize that a woman is more than the sum of her parts and when you see beyond the easy access, you’ll see that you’ll gain a queen and not the harlot in queens clothing. You’ve made plenty of life altering decisions without adequately assessing the magnitude of what you’ve done and continue to make excuses for both yours and their decisions/behavior.

You’re a hard working man who’ll do what needs to be done to ensure your business remains afloat, that bills and workers get paid, and that your children are provided for, but you deny yourself the basic elements of happiness. WTH? I recognize that at times we all have to do things we don’t necessarily want to do, but when you know what you’re doing is flat out wrong, then why continue to do it? Your friends and maybe even some family members have told you to fix your situation, but you don’t. You meet women of substance that can enhance; not inhibit your life, but again, you ignore the dollars and take the pennies.

I’ve listened to you talk the talk, but not walk the walk and it makes me sad. It makes me wonder why the less than woman gets the all that man. Now, I’m not saying you’re all that in all ways, but in many of the areas that it counts, you have it going on; yet it’s being wasted. You’re like the pretty vessel that leaks. Meaning that you’re all that on the outside, but inside there’s a hole and all that is of potential doesn’t get seen because you’re too afraid to fix what’s broken.

Your situation is an instance of making excuses and settling so you can’t come at a real woman who’s seeking a real man with that mess. She’s going to call you out for your inefficiencies; not to demean or emasculate you, but to point out what you’re doing wrong in an effect to help you do right. Yes, that’s what real women do. She’ll raise up a man and walk with him in an effort to bring out his greatness and worth. I hear you say, you understand and recognize that, but your actions dictate otherwise.

Take some advice from a woman who knows, recognizes, and appreciates her brothers that you can not and will not gain when you’re not willing to lose. You know the addage, "stand for something or fall for anything"; right now that you. When I look at you, I see so much potential and hope, but it's compromised and begins to look real unfamiliar when you're shroud is sullied by your own lack of will for betterment. In your situation, you’re really not losing that much in the grand scheme of things; but you’ll instead gain the wealth and worth of a woman who’ll love you, respect you, and cherish you. She’ll compliment you as your equal, she’ll support you, and she’ll cherish you for being her king. Take this open letter as your much needed learning lesson and know that you were created by Greatness to be greatness and any woman who tells you otherwise does not know her God, herself, or the worth of a man.

Love!

18 August 2008

magical words

As I contemplated what I wanted to post today, I came across the following and realized that's all that needed to be said:

'I asked God, 'How do I get the best out of life?' God said, 'Face your past without regrets. Handle your present with confidence. And prepare for the future without fear!''


Love!

13 August 2008

survey says???

I’ve polled a few women lately and asked their opinion on women who call the woman their man is either cheating with or has left her for. The general consensus on the women polled is that the woman has no right to call the other woman. If her man is cheating, then she needs to take that up with him because unless the other woman is openly disrespecting her (calling the house, doing drive-bys, or other ignorant acts), then the issue is between the man and woman. I’m not saying the side piece isn’t being disrespectful by cheating with a man knowing he has a woman, but I’m sure you know what I’m saying here.

Now, the other issue is the woman who is no longer in a relationship calling his current interest and putting his/their business out there. I’m really confused as to why women are doing this. I’ve been cheated on and/or left for another and my issue was never to confront the other woman. To me that would make me look really immature, insecure, and certainly hella crazy. And add the fact that no dack (intentionally spelled) is worth me playing myself out over; not even if he was my husband, fiancĂ©e, or baby-daddy. No siree bob! My beef at whatever level is between him and me not she and I, so I’m trying to understand where this behavior stems from.

A friend recently encountered a situation like this and the best I could tell her was not to talk to chic because if she took the time to put all her business on blast knowing they’re not technically in a relationship, what does she have to gain? I added that chic probably wants him back and is trying to blow my girls spot up hoping she’ll stop talking to him. Whatever her reason is, she’s actually playing with fire by calling a woman she doesn’t know because she has no idea how the other woman will react.

Fam, can you help me out here? Is it just me or is something terribly wrong with this kind of behavior?

Love!

12 August 2008

what i've learned so far

This post was "stolen" from jus.b.fli who's been known to "lift" a few ideas and such from me. *smile*

In recent weeks, I've been doing some soul-searching, pruning, and the like as I near my new year. I needed to see where I've been and where I'm heading and in order to do that I had to look as some lessons learned and I thought I'd share some of them with you. You know I'm one for encouraging and inspiring people to be the best they can be and sometimes in order to do that, we must show ourselves as the catalyst; so here goes...

i've learned...
my happiness is exactly that; mine. i can not allow others to define my happiness and what i should be happy about. i'm the only me and no one knows me better than me. what makes me happy is what makes ME happy.

i've learned...
that how you feel about someone isn't necessarily how they feel about you. their actions are indicative of where you stand and how you rate in their lives. i can't feel bad for their inability to adequately be what i'd like them to be. i have to accept them for who they are and decide what position they'll be allowed to have in my life.

i've learned...
that my moral compass must lead north at all times. taking the southern route to get to know someone is an ineffective way of going through the "getting to know you process". as hard and tempting as it may be, i know i have to remain loyal and true to myself and what i hold valuable.

i've learned...
that family is one of the most valuable things in life. i've been estranged from mine for a long time by no fault of my own and experienced a great loss and sadness in my life. i've been blessed to have been reunited with my family and i celebrate and nurture the relationships. i also know that family isn't just through blood and i thank those who have become and been family for me over the years.

i've learned...
without my faith i would be absolutely a mess! in spite of the choas and some of the dumb things that i've done, i've never forgotten that the Divine is there for me. i know that i can call on Him day or night to listen, to heal, to love, and to support me. i know that without my spiritual growth that i would be so lost. no matter what, i will always remain faithful and put my trust in Him.

i've learned...
that making a bad choice/decision doesn't make me a bad person. i know that i'm not perfect and i can/will make mistakes but i can't allow myself to be held hostage by what i've done. it's how i try to rectify the problem that counts. owning up to my shortfalls means a lot to me and i will strive to be the best person i can be.

i've learned...
that i love hard and play for keeps. i won't compromise on how i love someone, so i know i won't settle for anything less than what i deserve in a relationship. i'd truly rather be single and happy (and even horny...lol) than involved and unhappy with myself and/or him just to say i'm with someone.

i've learned...
from experience that life truly is short and we must and i repeat must LIVE it. we can't live to work, but instead work to live. i plan to make the dash between my sunrise and sunset count.

i've learned...
after reading Miz's post Stepping out of DARKNESS...Stepping into GREATNESS! That i truly am ready. i know it's my time to shine and that i must not quit and make sure that my dream becomes my reality. i've worked hard to nurture my talents and abilities and it's time to shine.

i've learned...
frienships need work and even if it falls apart i must do what it takes to rebuild it if it can be rebuilt. i must do my part to nuture and make it grow. friendships are God's gift to us in order for us not to be lonely.

i've learend...
a man will treat you as you allow him to. i've been the rounds with one or two that i thought would be worth the effort i put in, but i realized that he wasn't able to appreciate the woman i was so i had to let him go. i wasn't going to allow him to be a revolving door in my life by letting him go and come as he pleased while i remained in position.

i've learned...
that there is a thin line between love and hate and i have to know which side of the emotion i'm on. i learned that while i loved the man, i hated his actions, his inabilities, his shortcomings and i shouldn't allow the negative to outweigh the blessing of love i had with him.

i've learned...
letting go is sometimes the best course of action as it will allow room for what i need in my life and not what i think i want. letting go means taking a leap of faith and allowing myself the opportunity to spread my wings and fly.

i've learned...
each day is a gift. i must embrace it, love it, hold it near, and never think for one second that it isn't something worth living. suicide in any form is never an option.

i've learned...
the simple pleasures are and will always be the best.

i've learned...
being whole is one of the best feelings in the world. yes, it makes me feel plenty vulnerable at times, but at least i know where my emotions/actions come from. being a fractured person is not a good thing as it allows too much negativity to ease in through the cracks in my being.

i've learned...
that learning is an incredible and invaluable experience.

Love!

07 August 2008

dropping some Jewel dust on you

I was speaking with an old friend who is an Major in the Army and one who has worked hard to achieve his rank and status. He was picking my brain over an issue he was having with a fellow Major and in the midst of the conversation I told him that as long as he knows what he's doing is right and that he's confident in his work and actions, then he has nothing to worry about. In addition, I stated the following:

"A man shows himself in action; not word, knowing that it's what he leaves behind in footprint is what people follow". - BluJewel 2008

After I sent it to him, he replied stating how much he liked what I said and asked if he could use it as his signature. I was flattered and humbled that he found it so significant to use it.

I'm sharing it with you and hope it makes a difference in your lives and actions.

Love!

06 August 2008

sorry

I know I've been incognegro for a minute since I dropped that poem and I don't mean to be, but I'm going through a transition of sorts and needed to concentrate on myself for a minute.

I have a couple more I plan to post since y'all liked that last one THAT much *smile*

I'm not sure if anyone has contact with BZ, but she's been MIA for a while and I'm concerned because she had some health issues and she's not returned calls/txts. If anyone has info, please email me or leave details in your comment.

Don, I've been reading you, just haven't commented; no diss, was just short on time. You're still making me think and laugh.

Like Stella, I'm getting my groove back and the Jewel will be shining even brighter than before.

For those who know and those who didn't, the 29th of this month marks the 1 year anniversary of my first surgery for breast cancer...I'm A SURVIVOR!!!! I've set up a team to participate in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk for October of this year in my area. I do plan to post details of the event and hope that you will donate to this cause.

In the mean time, I'm preparing for my 41st birthday...yes, I'm THAT old! *lol* and am looking forward to celebrating it clean of cancer and without the self-consciousness I did last year.

To God be the glory for the past year, for all of you, and for me never giving up.

Love!