iS iT jUsT mE?

Asylum

2009-10-05T20:23:00.003-04:00

This is the final of the four poems I wrote last week.

I’m not quite crazy; more like that special kind of special
Where what seems insane is really normal; at least for me
It’s that place were the irrational makes sense
And I question not the absurdity of loving
With such wanton abandon that you do what you do
Freely; willingly because love just is
And I don’t really care what anyone else says
Cause as the proverbial saying goes
“If loving you is wrong, I don’t wanna be right”
Suffering the consequence of this emotional catastrophe
Where loving you is the strength of my weakness
And I solicit no means for a remedy
My heart tilts on its axis at the sound of your voice
Mouth dry from the unquenchable thirst kiss after kiss
My fingers marvel at the softness of your skin
I hear your silent words speak decibles beyond voice
And I delight like a child at Christmas when I see you
Your flaws are the perfect manifestation of your truth
The consistent inconsistency of your presence
Spends me; leaving me bankrupt
Yet still rich in the magnitude of love’s economy
One so fragile; yet so strong and intense
For my expenditure of life’s grandest feeling
So if loving you makes me crazy
Then I’ll gladly live in this asylum forever

© Blu Jewel
2 Oct 2009

Liberation

2009-10-02T11:07:00.001-04:00

Okay Blog Fam, I guess it's safe to say that your girl is on a roll. This is in fact the 4th poem I've written this week. I'll get to posting the others soon enough, but there was some driving force behind this one and I had to share it with you.

Have a blessed stay folks and stay up.

Taking off my training wheels
And taking my first unsupported ride
I cruise into the elated feeling
The experience brings
Trusting in my willingness to let go
And be free; no long restrained
By the security of the firm
Instead leaning favorably toward
The possibility to falling and being helpless
And the enjoyable nefarious abandon it illicits
The equal fear and enthusiasm of stepping
Into the unknown is a risk well worth taking
If you really want to live

© Blu Jewel 2009

Love to live; live to love

As yet untitled - New poem

2009-09-28T13:00:00.004-04:00

@ Chele, you didn't have to wait as long as you thought you might...Enjoy!

Like a river to the ocean, I’m drawn to you

Your call; a silent whisper within the wind

Caressing me into a gentle seduction

Making me weak where I stand…

Upon unfamiliar ground; virgin to this experience

However, still familiar to the pull of attraction

I let down my guard; submitting to

The leap of faith beneath me…

Cushioned for the break of my fall into heaven

Knowing you’re there to receive me

Open arms; open heart; committed to love

Me with every fiber of your being…

Honest and true; giving your all not half

Treating me like the Empress I am

Borne of your missing rib

Created to fill the void in your life…

With joy and laughter, tenderness and passion

Blu Jewel 2009

Love to live; live to love

What One Dance Can Do

2009-09-24T14:19:00.003-04:00

I know; I know! I'm taking too long between posts. It's not intentional; trust me, but I've got something that will take your mind of my absense. Enjoy...

Conjoined like Siamese twins we move in one motion
Feeling the energy ignited by a rhythmic dance
Awakening the wave coursing through our bodies

Sexual arousal emits as topical penetration ensues
Thrusting us closer to the errant climb of desire
Lust; the effervescent high supplying the fuel

Intoxicated by the sweet elixir of our kiss
We submit to the passion created and act with abandon
Cementing the connection into a cosmic oral bliss

© Blu Jewel 2009

Love to live; Live to love

Fluid Motion

2009-09-11T09:07:00.001-04:00

I thought I'd lost my mojo since Nikki's passing, but it seems I'm even more inspired. Maybe it was the recent full moon that gave way to an increased energy that could only have come from her. Like Nikki, I love the moon and always feel exhilarated by the lunar cycle and especially the full moon.

Here's something that I came up with this morning...

His attention; purposed and intentional; either by familiarity or memory; he made his way into her; third eye blind and was met with little resistance. The slight tension; released into a sigh as if the torture of the wait was over. Heat rose like steam through city grates; its intensity furious and yet delicately passionate as their bodies gelled into one form moving in a rhythmic pace.

Words; lost in an inaudible melody sounded like gibberish only they could understand; only they needed to understand. It was their way. It was how they communicated; silently through telling eyes; speaking a lover’s tale.

Their dance; a waltz leading to a quickened tango only to be suppressed into staggered pace reminiscent of a child’s game of musical chairs punctuated by anticipation. And like the calm before the storm, the motion smooth; erotic; and exhilarating gives way to a tempest; bodies colliding in a frantic motion. Arms, legs grasping; releasing and breaths like zephyrs cloud the room.

Minutes pass like labored hours as the seeming perpetuity of the union plays out. An escaped moan; the saturated kiss; the bitten flesh; the Neanderthal grunts and thrusts all colliding without contest. The climactic clarity of the journey now complete.

© Blu Jewel 2009

Lyrically Speaking: My dedication to Anika "Nikki" Harris…R.I.P

2009-09-01T15:54:00.002-04:00

Maxwell is probably my favourite artist and as I let him eargasmically soothe me today, the following came to me. Nikki, The Iniquitious One and her Indigo Trail of Thoughts leaves a void in the Blog Community. May we all learn something from her untimely passing.

She came into our lives with that Sumthin Sumthin that made us laugh, cry, and wish we were as creative and gifted as she. When made us all feel Welcome as we chilled at her Urban Hang Suite. The more we spent with you, and took the time to Get to Know Ya, we realized that Noone was firing up the keyboard quite like you. You soon became one of our BadHabits and you were that Gravity: Pushing to Pull as we waited Silently, Silently for your next post.

When you’d go off on someone or get fired up passionately about something, many would wonder if you’d be like that Til the Cops Come Knockin. And if you didn’t post, we’d know that Whenever, Wherever, Whatever, you’d come back to us and let the Phoenixrise.

I recall many a post and our private conversations where you spoke of Matrimony: Only you as you contemplated dating and ever being back in a loving and committed relationship. All you wanted to do was Drowndeep: Hula into his arms and where Lonely’s the Only Company would escape from your life and you reside in a place For Lover’s Only.

It was like This Woman’s Work was never done and you were always willing to HelpSomebody. I remember when that chick faked her own death in the Blog-sphere and you exposed her for the fraud she was and make a lot of people stop hurting.

Then one day, something Changed when you were hit with a Symptom Unknown. We all rallied around the Suitelady who had given so much of herself to us in so many ways. When you told us that the pain was not just a Temporary Nite of rounds with your condition and you couldn’t be with us Now/At the Party; you still managed to gather us in unity as I Am You: You Are Me & We Are You.

And on Sunday August 30th , we had to StopTheWorld and muddle through our FistfulofTears and share how much you Was/As My Girl. We all wish you are simply PlayingPossum.

So dear, sweet, and beautiful one; until the day our Reunion comes, spread your PrettyWings and know that we will always LoveYou and you’ll be a part of us EachHourEachSecondEachMinute of the day.

Love to live; live to love

A sad day!

2009-08-31T16:27:00.003-04:00

For those of you who've been blogging for some time may know Nikki Harris aka Nikki Indigo or the Iniquitous One. She was a powerful, entertaining, and extremely honest writer. For the past few years, she was one of my favourite blogs to read and I was inspired by her in many ways. From her candor to her sensitivity, she left an indelible mark on the lives she touched.

It's with a heavy and saddened heart to say, R.I.P Nikki. My life has been blessed with your gifts and may heaven know it is so very blessed to have you in their midst. Her suffering is now over and her place in the eternal is secure.

Her passing flashed a neon light that life is fragile; it is precious; and it needs to be lived fully. We need to act with purpose and intent on a foundation of love. She was only 37 years old and too young for her passing, so from this I must live. I must take her memory and use it to celebrate this life; to love a little harder; to walk a little sturdier, a celebrate each day for we surely do not know when our last will be.

Prayers to the Harris family and may God bless and keep you all.

Love to live; Live to love

a lil something that came to me

2009-08-27T08:46:00.001-04:00

When you pour your love inside my cup
I feel my well spring rise and swell
As it’s satiated from its desert state
And you’re no longer just an oasis
But the embodiment of natures wonder personified.

© Blujewel 2009

love to live; live to love!

On loving ourselves

2009-08-24T22:14:00.000-04:00

The following was borne of something I wrote to a friend. Some parts have been removed as it was directed toward her; however the story could relate to any one of us.

Your own dysfunctional relationship with your mother made it subconsciously easy for you to overcompensate for her shortcomings by being 1) an excellent mother yourself and 2) your desire to mother others and shelter them from harm. This ideology is in fact quite harmful as it subjects you both to a relationship that is ill-balanced and it compensates one dysfunction for another.

"We create a space for healing when we exercise the courage to look at how our own anger and resentment make us withhold love and behave badly".^p134

Although he can say he loves you, his actions are not affirmations of said love. He fails to see that fueling power of his emotions is anger based and while he is actually capable of giving love; there's a fine line between his anger and his love. His verbal love is short lived when something disrupts his perceived comfort zone. And the fact that his life has been centered around you; with little or no personal/social outlets that his for/about him, it makes it even easier for angry outbursts to occur. The role of alcohol in his life will also fuel the pre-existing fire that resides within.

"It's easy to fall into the trap of depending on others for the love, understanding, and admiration we all crave, rather than creating them in our relationship with ourself, and brining the joy in self-fulfillment to our partnerships. When joy is missing in our life, it's missing in our relationships, in our homes, and communities".^p135

It's on this premise that he resides. He seeks what he lacks within himself in and from you. He puts you on a pedestal and showers you with what he is should be giving to himself. His lack of self love and trust gets over compensated in the relationship and when you demonstrate your independence; it disrupts his world, and because he thought that you should return in kind; is now compromised. He feels that because he has made you his personal trophy that you should likewise to do the same. This is a classic mode of operation for a hurt soul.

"Even when parents and partners do terrible things, they are just trying in unskillful ways to make their lives work". ^P135

And it's in this vein that he must seek to improve his life/circumstances or he will always be in a perpetual state of discourse and cause said discourse in the lives of those they claim to love.

"Not every couple that gets together is meant to stay together. When you're not where God wants you to be, life shakes you up so you'll move to a better place". ^P135

It's at that point of discovery when the leaving party must assess themselves to see what, when, why, and how there are finding themselves in relationships that follow a repeated or repeatable negative pattern. This tends to be a hard concept to many to accept that fact/knowledge even when we know without a shadow of doubt it's true. We still strive to find some shred of evidence that says we should find a way to keep this person in our life. While this is a noble concept; it's still a self-deluding one. When we refuse to let someone go, we're not only holding ourself back, we're holding the other back too because we're putting a road block in an essential growth element in both parties development. . "Growth mean change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown" ^{The Shack} To many are afraid of the unknown to venture out; however without this risk, there will be little or no room for growth and the opportunity for change is greatly reduced; thus, leaving you in the same crippled mind frame.

For love; real love of self before another to manifest, a thorough cleansing and healing must occur. "broken humans center their lives around things that seem good to them but will neither fill them nor free them."
^{The Shack}

Relationships; good or bad are an intricate part of the journey we take in life and for many; we all seek to love and be loved; however, when we lack the proper tools to do so, we fail miserably. We all imagine ourselves to be whole and able; however, it's what we do and not always what we say that tells the real story.

"We may be masterful at deceiving ourselves, but in all intimate interaction the unresolved feeling and fears we may have buried will surface".^p137

A spiritual relationship must become an intrinsic part of one's journey to true awareness and wholeness. The Divine created us; it's at the core of us and it's through that relationship that we will have a real idea and connection to what real love is. We have to trust in Divine Love in order to establish Loves Divine. Reaching deep within and offering oneself to the source of love establishes faith and trust in The One who'll always be there to guide our path.

"Faith never knows where it is being led, but it knows and loves the One who is leading"^{The Shack}

"For something to move from death to life, you must introduce something living and moving into the mix". ^{The Shack}

If this sacred interference does not occur, all past hurts (death) will always have more power/control over any living relationship and the love will never truly be love at all. The emotional demons must be excised from the recesses of our emotional core in order for the wellspring of love to thrive as a living entity.

"We're operating with negative feelings brought from another time and place, associated with a whole separate set of issues. We can't create anything good with leftovers from the past". ^P140

It's important to go back and address the issues of the past as it's the only way to prevent history from repeating itself; however, once that journey has been made, the past must be left very much in the past. The present is an extremely sacred and palatial place and can only be well-lived when the past's portal is closed. Progressive move to the present has to be self-lived. No one can make it happen for anyone else. Each person has to want his/her own loving environment and know not only how to create it, but to sustain it. Without the ability to love who we are, there is truly no way to love another. No one is responsible for our well-being but us.

"When we're sweet on ourselves; we're sweet on others. From an unhappy place, nothing satisfies. From a happy place, common sense prevails. We see clearly that we were born to love, not judge, and that it's not our job to fix anyone but ourselves". ^P140

NOTE: All page number references come from the book, All About Love, by Susan L. Taylor. The remaining references were taken from The Shack.

Love to live; live to love!

A what I know for sure moment...

2009-08-12T17:09:00.003-04:00

The expression, "when someone shows you who they are, pay attention" reigns supreme in how I decide your role in my life. As I've previously said, I take friendships seriously and am fully committed to their maintenance and sustainment once entered into. What I will not do is make excuses for ones behaviour and allow said person to run a mock in my life with words that have no supporting action.

I allowed, what I thought would be a fun and engaging friendship to form in my life, which to its credit did start out on good footing; however, over time it's become something that fails to resemble a friendship at all. I do understand the complexities of platonic vs. intimate relationships when it involves the opposite sex, but with careful, open, honest, and real communication, a balance can be established; however in this instance it did not.

I established from day one that I was not ready for an intimate relationship and that I wanted to chill and hang out. No, I'm not talking about Friends with Benefits (FWBs), just two people hanging out and enjoying each others company. He said, he was cool with that and was able to chill with me on equal ground...JUST FRIENDS! Suffice it to say, he caught feelings and an abrupt left turn in Albuquerque promptly followed.

Given that I actually gave a damn about him and our newly formed friendship, I called to inquire about his sudden change of behaviour and lack of communication. We discussed it and I suggested that he take whatever time out he needed, but effective communication still needed to be a place holder as NO relationship can be sustained without it. He agreed!

Weeks past and then months, and I found myself the recipient of his talk, with no action. This is a no-no in my books and borders on being a deal breaker. I have no time for settling because it appeases someone's hypersensitivity as its taxing and toxic. I once again, expressed my concerns over his behaviour and lack of actions and was given this long; drawn out explanation, which quite frankly sounded like sugar-coated shit disguised as candy. I'd had enough!

He picked the wrong time of year and the wrong woman to think that syrupy sounding words, frosted with whipped bullshit, and sprinkles of "but I love you and miss you" that sound more like profanity instead of words of affection would actually woo me. There is nothing worse than hearing those words knowing that they're empty, defiled and being used as a magnet to draw me back in. Sorry, I'm 1) not that pressed for affection, 2) easily swayed by words that are just words, and 3) in need of a friendship that really isn't a friendship at all.

I've come to the conclusion that he showed me pretty early on who he was and initially he was genuine; and in fact may very well still be; however, just because he's a good person; doesn't make him good for me. Our friendship was ill-matched and laden with things that would escalate from one deal breaker to another. What I know for sure is that no amount of honesty on my part could have prepared me for the position I ended up putting myself in when I realized that his feelings were manifesting. In spite of trying to maintain communication, it's obvious he's not used to the kind of woman I am and doesn't see how important communication is in any and all relationships.

One last thing I know for sure is that I'm not going to settle for someone/thing that doesn't bode well in my life. Nostalgia has no place in what it really means to have a functional friendship. Red flags are not to be ignored. If the issue can be mitigated; then I'm all for it and am willing to forge on; however, when the flag continues to fly high, it's time to walk away....And so it is and so shall it be!

Love to live; live to love!

I'm really not that popular!

2009-08-11T12:48:00.003-04:00

I take friendships very seriously and don't appoint the title easily to people. While it's pretty much a generic term when referring to people we know; there is a depth and growth that makes one a true friend. I have a small and close-knit circle and we're fiercely loyal and are ride or die. We fight; we laugh; we love; we call each other out; but there is no doubt that we mean the world to each other.

But I didn't bring you here to tell you that (stole that phrase from Terry)

I was looking at my "Friends" List on Facebook and saw that I have 215 friend...Really? I think not. I may know 215 people, but to call them all friends just ain't happening. I've never been one who strived to be the center of attention, enjoy the limelight, or think that I'm better than someone else because of how many people I know. I take quality over quantity any day.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be offensive to anyone on my Friends List and I'm certainly not taking my acquaintences for granted because for most part; each person has played a role in my life in some capacity. All I'm saying is that I do not use Facebook or any other social networking tool as a measure of my popularity or as a means to pry into the lives of others. For me, it's a communicative device to make quick and easy contact with people; to network; or interact in some way. I'm amused at the people who use tools like Facebook, MySpace, or one of the other tools to be Head of the Class and I'm even more amused as those who get offended over whether or not their in someone's Top List. Wow! Talk about delusions of granduer, arrognace, or conceit.

Anyway, I've said all that to say, that I'm quite content blogging for myself; however, I do appreciate those who come by and read my rantings. I'm happy for those I'm in contact with through Facebook, but note that none of what I do is for popularity.

Thanks for reading...have a blessed day...love to live; live to love!

Gateways, portals, and other life exits/entrances!

2009-08-06T15:06:00.003-04:00

I'm sure you've all heard the expression, "when one door closes; another one opens", but how many truly believe that? How many look for; or see that there is a blessing with the closing of one door and the anticipation of waiting for another to open? Honestly, I don't think many of us do. Many get immediately dispondent and think that the world as we know is going to come to an end.

It's a known fact, that God does not give us more than He knows we can handle and if we don't handle it, it's not His fault, but ours for having little faith in His word, comfort, and direction. In the many trials I've been through in my life, the one thing I never did was cry the blues or think "woe, is me". While I might not have been able to understand the trial as I was going through it, I never gave up on my faith that I'd come out on top; or at least through to the other side.

In the recent months, I've been the recipient of prayers answered and I realized it was because I allowed doors to both open and close. I realized that I must reconcile with things and people in order to complete the cirlcle and be the receiver of the blessing yet to be shown. There were doors that seemed like they'd be impossible to close and/or walk through; however, I did by remaining prayerful and faithful.

In a world where it's so easy to quit, blame others, or hide behind what seems comfortable, I know I can not be that person. I won't be ostrich like and bury my head in the sand, while claiming that the events in my life are a series of unfortunate acts. Every experience is a good experience as far as I'm concerned because all good is nothing without having the bad to appreciate it.

In a recent turn of events in my life, I rested on my gut instinct that what I was going through was in fact a blessing in disguise. In spite of the shock, I trusted that I would be okay and that I would be victorious. I allowed the door to close, took time to clear and ease my mind, body, and spirit, and now am reaady to walk through the opening door and receive all that is to come to me. The door wthat will now open for me will be filled with even more reward than I'd gotten previously and I'll be in a position to be and do more with myself and my life. So, to those who thought their way was better than His way, well, know that you can't box with God and His armour of protection remains steadfast around those who trust and believe in Him and His word. I give thanks and praise to my Heavenly Father for instilling His grace, mercy, and favor upon me.

With each day, I grow stronger in so many ways and I do not take anything for granted. As I prepare for my 41st year to end, I look back with happiness and gratitude for the doors that closed and those that opened for me. In review, I know that each one was a intrical part of continuing my growth. Over the course of the next 37 days, I will walk in and out of a few more doors and on the 38th day, I'll welcome in my new year; and will walk through that door with pride that I've made it one more year.

Love to live; live to love!

A tagged confession, Parts 1 &2

2009-08-05T22:43:00.003-04:00

I was tagged by QueenBee for the Blame Tara Meme

Part 1

Who is the hottest movie star?
Well, Denzel Washington immediately comes to mind, so I'll have to go with that. He's sexy, talented, versatile and he could be my leading man any day; any time.

Apart from your house/car, what is the most expensive thing you've ever bought?
I bought myself a huge sapphire and diamond ring for my 3oth birthday

What is your most treasured memory?
The day I met Achilles Heel

What is the best gift you ever received?
A plane ticket to Jamaica

What is the biggest mistake you ever made?
Not pressing charges

Four words that describe you?
Free-spirited, honest, faithful, loving

What is the highlight and lowlight of 2008?
Highlight - taking a leap of faith
Lowlight - unncessary drama

Favourite film?
Oh dear! I don't think I can limit that...pass!

Tell me one thing I don't know about you?
I clean my nails while I'm driving

If you were a comic book character, who would you be?
Wonder Woman, but The Hulk runs almost neck and neck

Part 2...Talking About Love
Pick your artist: Maxwell

Are you male or female - This Woman's Work

Describe yourself - Fortunate

How do you feel - Changed

Describe where you currently live - Urban Hang Suite

If you could go anywhere, where would you go - For Lover's Only

Your favourite form of transportation - Ascension

Your best friend is - Noone

Your favourite color is -Black

What's the weather like - Cold

Favourite time of the day - Eachhoureachsecondeachminute

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called - Sumtin Sumthin

What is your life to you - Gettin to now Ya

Your relationships - Reunion

Your fear - Symptom Unknown

What is the best advice you have to give - Help Somebody

If you could change your name, what would it be - Pretty Wings

Thought of the day - Now/At the party

How would I like to die - Silently

My souls present condition - Everwanting: to wanting to want

My motto - Loveyou

Who I'm tagging...
Her Side,

Thank You!

2009-07-27T08:51:00.002-04:00

As I journey through another transition in my life, I continue to give honour, thanks, and praise to my heavenly Father. Even when I don't always know or understand the circumstances that seem out of my scope of comprehension, I trust in He that sustains me. I allow His righteousness and goodness to guide my path and rely on my faith to continue to carry me through. I've come too far to turn back now and I know that with each trial; there is an equal or greater triumph.

I truly believe that there is nothing I can't do without Him and whatever He has ordained in my life; it will come to pass. The Bible says, "you have not because you ask not...". Well, I have because I do ask and I do pray, and I do believe. I am forever grateful that there is someone in my life who'll be there night or day; good or bad; right or wrong. My way is His way as best I can because no matter what I am a sinner, but I am a saint each time I stand strong, seek forgiveness, and strive to be and do better. My life has been a series of opportunities missed and taken; however, the latter reigns supreme because I put God into what I do.

I am 49 days away from my next new year and as I am in the closing phase of my old year, I look back with pride as I see the growth; the increased potential; the improved confidence; the exacting of things I've proclaimed for myself; the spiritual wealth I've gained; and the happiness that manifests in my life. Love for myself; for my family/friends; for my life is infinite and I truly rest in the words that "no weapon formed against me shall prosper".

Each day I rise is another reason to celebrate. Each day I live is another reason to be thankful. Each day I can touch another life affirmatively means, I'm honouring Jesus' death for my salvation. Each day I can share His word, means my faith has multiplied. There is not a day that I am not grateful. There will not be a day where I will not give thanks.

With transition, comes the responsibility to utilize each and every experience and make your life count.

So, today I share my gratitude first and foremost with my heavenly Father and then to all those who are in my life and those who'll cross my path.

The following came from my Daily Word...

I am grateful!

Starting the day in gratitude, my first prayer is Thank You, God! I am grateful for beauty and love, for surprises and excitement, for friendship and community, and for the presence of God in all.

Even if I may be going through a challenging experience, I am grateful, for I know that good will come from it. Will I learn of inner strength that I didn't know I had? Will I gain a renewed appreciation for my life and the people in it?

I am grateful for my present circumstances, for I know they offer opportunities for growth. I thank God for the life I have been given and the life I am creating by seeing the good in all that comes before me.

"Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving."--Psalm 95:2

Live to love; love to live!

from 0 to 60

2009-07-22T14:13:00.003-04:00

As I sat here feeling a little apathetic, uninspired, and a little out of it, I decided to clean out some files on my computer and as I did, I came across something that left room for pause and suddenly energized me back into the vibrant frame of mind I typically have. It's funny how when you're feeling un or under inspired, all it takes is a little nudge to put you back on track.

Hope you enjoy this...even though I do not recall how I got it or where it came from, so whomever the author is of this; I apologize for not being able to give due credit...

You can’t be where you won’t go.

Perseverance will be the vehicle to victory.

Having a dream is only half the equation. You must put your dream into action.

Writing is a craft that not only takes practice but plenty of patience.

Networking is the key in seeing your purpose come to fruition.

Stay hungry. There is always room for improvement.

Passion is a force that can bring about change if applied.

Purpose and passion are synonymous.

Discover and rediscover the hidden treasures of your heart.

Writing is a tool that can set any mood and entice the reader to travel with you,
regardless of content.

Printed words on paper should be as effective as if you were speaking at the podium to thousands.

Destiny desires that you mentor and support others in the area of passion you are pursuing, those above and below.

Love to live; live to love!

Love does not kill; people do!

2009-07-16T08:33:00.002-04:00

In light of the recent deaths; Steve McNair and Arturo Gatti, it's clear to me that there is a blatant disregard for love and the person's comprehension of it. People are running around doing all kinds of heinous things in the name of love, but love does not kill; people do. Love is not some ugly tyrant out to hurt people; love is the purest of all emotions; however, the most easily an readily abused emotion. More often than not love has become profane like a 4-letter word and it's sad; so very sad.

I've always said, "the word and deed go hand in hand or that words without action are just words." This applies especially to those who are out there cheating and carrying on in the name of love, but aren't living in the essence of love. The writing is on the wall and there are so many out there that need a to have a Come to Jesus Meeting to get a case of "get right".

Love is something we all need and we all need to share in order to receive. Love is not something to be squandered, ill-applied for personal gain, or to be used as a tool/weapon. Love is something we all want and desire and we must plant the seed in order to reap the reward of it. The scripture says it all. Reflect on it and utilize it to its fullest.

Let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth —1 John 3:18

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

When you see someone in need,
Love demands a loving deed;
Don’t just say you love him true,
Prove it by the deeds you do. —Sper

Check out this link for some additional reading Listen for Love

Read this, voice your concern, and be aware; very aware of your actions

2009-07-15T14:51:00.004-04:00

I was over at Oh Hell Nawl and came across a sad, but ABSOLUTE MUST READ post.

Please make time to check it out and please share your concerns/opinions on the story either on here or on the OHN site.
Real Talk

Love's Divine

2009-07-14T21:49:00.004-04:00

I've waited all my life for the love of my life to walk in and one day he did. There he was standing there in his deep caramel visual splendor and it was love at first sight. It's a feeling that is unexplicable and there is absolutely nothing I could ever compare it to. Fortunately for me, the feeling was mutual and it was the making of one intense, absolute, perfectly (at least perfect for us) formed, serendipitous, fate-driven, and passionate relationships we'd ever had. Sadly, all things that glitter aren't always gold, and we spent the next 14 years in one still intense, but bittersweet relationship.

Talk about hills and valleys, rollercoasters, and other such adjectives to describe the complexities of well placed, but often untimely relationship; however, the love that existed between us never went away in spite of whom we were with. Denial was never a factor in what did or didn't happen between us; it was more a fear on his part that I would somehow change from the woman he'd fallen for to some other woman once he was in the relationship. Given that I've not changed; at least for the worst in 14 years, he really didn't have anything to fear except his own vulnerability in letting go once and for all.

After honest, open, continual, and forthright conversations, we've finally come to the place where we started all those years prior. The intense feelings; the passion; the connection; and the love is even more solid than ever and we're finally; not just on the same page, but in the same sentence. Love is patient and it is kind; and the due dilligence paid has now paid off. Love's Divine is what I'm feeling and it's more stronger and powerful than the bionic and woman combined.

Time has been the true testiment to this story and right now I'm experiencing what it means to love to live; live to love and man does it ever feel good.

Love to live; live to love!

the blessings of random acts

2009-07-14T16:02:00.002-04:00

I took the day off today because I wanted to. I wanted to share time with someone and not have to wait for the weekend to do it. The simple pleasures were enacted and exacted and the weather; not to hot or cold; added another wonderful component to it all.

For those of you who haven't used all your vacation or leave time, please take some time off to kick back and enjoy. You don't always need a plan or something to do; just take some time for yourself or to spend with someone special.

I wish I could tell you how wonderful this day has been and have you see the smile that still sitting on my face. I'm thankful for days like this when I can give thanks and enjoy nature in its infinite splendor.

Oh, and Maxwell's new CD on repeat...oh my!

Love to live; live to love! (I damn sure am!!!)

wow! just wow!

2009-07-13T14:03:00.004-04:00

A long-standing prayer has been answered and I have to give thanks, honour and glory to my heavenly Father for knowing the needs of my heart and acting in my favour. It took years of praying, hoping, and patience, but God never acts before it's time.

I feel blessed beyond measure right now. I've had a smile pasted on my face all morning. I feel His presence in and around me and man does that ever feel good. Transitions are beautiful things when you embrace the opportunities and times of change in your life.

I may not have a lot of things, but my wealth in life is great and nothing can compare to that measure of prosperity. My well spring is full and runneth over and my abundance is exceeding to me, my life, and those I share it with.

In the words of the song, "...it is well with my soul..."

Have an amazing day blog family; make it count always; in ALL ways!

Love to live; live to love!

love to live; live to love

2009-07-09T06:43:00.003-04:00

I was reading my Daily Bread this morning and this part of the reading really jumped out at me and I had to post it...

"...We sometimes need a reminder that acquiring “things” is not nearly as important as appreciating the people God has placed in our lives..."

Love is never afraid of giving too much.

In light of the recent deaths whether they've been by natural cause or otherwise; we have to recognize the fragility of life and people. We must always be thankful for what; but moreso whom with have in our lives and give full appreciation to first our heavenly father and then to those he has blessed us with.

Today, take some time out of your day to call someone and tell them how much you love them and how thankful you are for not just having them in your life; but what their presence means to you.

To those who are both new and old to Is It Just Me, I thank you for showing an interest in my humble blog and I do truly appreciate each of you for giving feedback, for your encouragement, inspiration, and even those who've challenged my words. Each of you have given me something and I humbly and fully appreciate that.

Have a blessed and fruitful day.

Love to live; live to love!

happiness is...

2009-07-02T13:07:00.002-04:00

...having a great spiritual foundation; unconditional faith, and a God who'll never let me down

...having some of the most amazing friends a girl could ever ask for.

...having family that even when you're not together; you're together

...knowing that loving myself enough to not compromise my emotional integrity

...having a daughter who brings the ultimate joy to my life

...knowing that doing things with purpose and intent will serve me well

...allowing myself to live and live well

...knowing that the truth is always the best way to be and live

...taking a leap of faith could be the best move ever made

...not allowing negativity to be welcomed into my life or my home

...being strong enough to both love and to let go

...welcome the newness each day brings

...taking comfort knowing that there is still goodness in the world

...the musical statements that speak when my own words elude me

...being able to accept the body I live in doesn't have to be what society dictates

...being or getting hurt isn't always a bad thing because there was a lesson to be learned in spite of the pain

...taking chances is another way of spreading my winds

...life's journey is best enjoyed when you're able to take some detours

...appreciating, being grateful, being prayerful, loving, sharing and caring

...saying what you mean and meaning what you say

...hearing the word, but having the deed to punctuate

...knowing I can and do make a difference

...knowing to forgive and ask for forgiveness

...not being afraid to say, "I'm sorry"

Have a fantastic weekend. Love yourselves and share that love with all those who are important to you.

Love to live; live to love!

Endorphins, heartbeat highs, and other things that make you moist or swoon

2009-06-30T13:17:00.000-04:00

I spoke with Achilles Heel today! That in and of itself gives me the butterflies worse than anticipating your first kiss. He’d been on my mind the past few days and I refused to call. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I was enjoying the feeling that thinking of him gave me. He’s been in my prayers; prayer’s for his safety; his health; his stability (emotional, mental, and physical; the development of our continued friendship and a few other things that would resort in over sharing…lol!

He called this morning and I missed the call for having the phone on my bed while I was in the bathroom; music blasting. When it was time for me to leave the house, I picked up the phone and didn’t realize he’d not only called, but left a message. Upon noticing the missed call, I promptly called back.

Me: - Sorry, I didn’t realize til now that you called (cheesing hard)

A.H – Yea right! You just didn’t want to talk to me…I see how it is.

Me: - C’mon now, that’s not the case; never the case.(fawning)

A.H: - Uh, huh. (grinning…could hear it in his voice)

Me: - Did you get the package?

A.H: - Yea. Thanks…so that means you didn’t listen to my voicemail?

Me: - No. I saw the missed call and just called back…I’ll listen to it later.

A.H: - Okay.

Me: - Anyway, how are you?

And then we went into what we’ve been up to etc since we last spoke and I’m grinning like the Spelling Bee Champion and feeling like I was injected with anything and everything that could make me high. The conversation didn’t last too long as he had to get back to work, but said he’d call later. I then listened to the 50 second voice message he left and felt a warmth rush over me as I eargasmed and paused when he said, “wow” over the letter I’d sent.

Call #2 was a review of the letter I’d sent along with a CD containing a collection of songs that I thought he’d like. I asked about his reaction to the letter and why it was “wow!” He read the letter back to me and punctuated certain parts of it with where the “wows!” fit in. I was elated. We talked about this and that and that and this and the easy conversation that exists between us married our words into verbal bliss and I was completely satiated.

Unfortunately, duty called and he had to end the conversation, but I’m sure he’ll call back before days end. While at lunch, I was overcome with this amazing rush that erupted within me and all I could do was smile. My heart was and still is very content; he does that to me. He gets me; he feels me; my energy. He’s the balance to my scale; the north in my compass; the ray of sunshine in my otherwise gloomy day; the one person in this world (outside of Lil Lady) that moves me and brings me joy beyond measure. I heart him undeniably; unequivocally to the point of craziness looking sane. Yea, he’s got and does that thang!

Love to live; live to love!

Things that make upset in the community

2009-06-25T14:14:00.002-04:00

...the continued fad of saggin pants

...proceating with known dead beat dads

...having expensive and tricked out cars while living in the hood or with yo mama

...how folk be tawkin like dey don't know no bedda

...showing up at your childs school looking a triple hot mess

...having money to get your hair and nails did, but fuss that baby doesn't have any milk/pampers

...spending more money on material things (bling, cars, clothes etc.,) and not on things that promote wealth (education, stability, upward mobility etc.,)

...keeping up with your vehicles scheduled maintenance and not on your health

...blaming your obesity on being big-boneded

...putting Tims, Jordans, or other expensive shoes on a baby that can't walk

...doing nothing to uplift your community, but complain that the other folk have this or that

...women who dress scantily clad and gyrate to mysogonistic lyrics and then complain about being stepped to some kind of way

...teaching our children to be grown and then fuss them out for "acting grown"

...knowing lyrics to all the horrible songs out there, but not know the schoolwork

...being able to do the latest dance, but can't pass a fitness test

...speaking Ebonics and such is NOT proper English

Deuces!

Love to live; live to love!

Hateration!!

2009-06-24T12:25:00.008-04:00

I was at a party this past weekend and was so ready to serve up a smorgasbord of the above picture to the women in the house. Why? Because there was no need for all the visual hateration I was getting. I give props to all the full-figured women who sported their mini dresses, low cleavage tops, and very tight pants for their confidence. Hey, if you've got it, flaunt it they say.

Now, I'm 5' 7" barefoot. I wear 3-4 inch heels almost daily and 5 when I'm really feeling it. I weight between 145-150, have a 29 inch waist, and am considered fit by all health standards. I can comfortably fit clothes in single digits from the Juniors department and am damn sure proud of being able to maintain my body at almost 42 years old.

I don't make a habit of coming off as "all that" because I'm not "all that" as beauty is subjective, but let's just say, I; for the most part am not lacking for attention. I walk with an air of confidence because I am confident in myself, but am far from arrogant or conceited. Anyway, while at this party, the women looked at me like they wanted to throw me off the boat. Why? That's yet to be determined, but let's say it's safe to assume that my outfit was commanding all kinds of attention from both the men and women. I chose it because I was comfortable in it and also because I knew it would be hot on the boat. I didn't wear it because I was seeking attention as the haters might think.

My point of this is that I'm sick and tired of women giving me the side eye or mean mugging me because they think I think I'm all that. I also am sick of being visually criticized because I'm wearing something they wish they could have. Now, as I said before, if the full-figured women can sport their (sometimes inappropriate) outfits, then why can't I? I'm not going to start wearing a Burkha because someone is jealous or envious of me, my clothes, or my figure.

So, here's what I looked like...

Love to live; live to love!