tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-205381892024-03-07T04:41:33.720-05:00iS iT jUsT mE?the wanton and errant ramblings of a questioning mindBlu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.comBlogger458125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-6247470684515292392010-08-03T09:56:00.000-04:002010-08-03T09:56:44.046-04:00Starting overI'm in the process of deactivating this blog and have established a new one...<br />
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http://blujewel-contrailsofthought.blogspot.com/Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-3673018881078926692010-06-13T14:55:00.000-04:002010-06-13T14:55:36.387-04:00Pix from Jamaica<span>This was the easiest way for me to make the pix visible. </span><br />
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<span> </span><br />
<span>http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=181735&id=653476690&l=1035de9c64</span>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-6792210769812508202010-06-08T00:58:00.002-04:002010-06-08T00:58:14.925-04:00Fresh from yardFor my readers who are on Facebook, you can see my latest pix of my most recent trip to Jamaica. For those who aren't, I am going to post them here in the next day or so.Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-12673042774800436562010-05-26T02:03:00.000-04:002010-05-26T02:03:51.673-04:00Jewel dropsMy sexual needs are much greater than I ever imagined they'd be<br />
<br />
I prefer pedicures to manicures<br />
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I feel empowered by driving a manual transmission vehicle<br />
<br />
I do not believe the hype<br />
<br />
The best fashion trend to follow is your own<br />
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In truth the degrees of separation is less than 6<br />
<br />
I have exhausted my divine patience and am wondering how long before my human patience kicks in<br />
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(add on to previous) when it does, it sure isn't going to be pretty<br />
<br />
I feel my sexiest when I'm wearing black<br />
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I look my prettiest when I'm smiling<br />
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I feel my strongest when defending someone I care about<br />
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I've learned that I know more than I thought I did<br />
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Things I used to think were off limits aren't and I enjoy them immensely<br />
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I am very much in touch with my masculine side<br />
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Silence is more damaging than the spoken word<br />
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I'd rather be confined to the madness of my own mind, than to be free in the madness around me<br />
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I am not nearly as social as people perceive me to be<br />
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The safest place I know is within my own heart/mind<br />
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Time may heal wounds, but love is a better bandage<br />
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I sometimes seek comfort in music before I would from a person<br />
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"Love is what I need to help me know my name" line from Love's Divine by Seal...Absolutely amazing line<br />
<br />
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There are few things sweeter than hearing someone say your name in the heat of passion<br />
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I have no idea what it's like to have a real/honest/true/consistent/loving relationship with my parents<br />
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I do; however, <b>KNOW </b>how to be a a real/honest/true/consistent/loving parent to my own child<br />
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I have conquered my own personal Mount Everest<br />
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<br />
Life IS good!<br />
<br />
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<b><span style="color: blue;">It's all possible!</span></b>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-70963337013977342092010-05-25T01:04:00.000-04:002010-05-25T01:04:54.634-04:00preferences, comfort zones, and other like miscellanyWe all have an image of what we want in the opposite sex. We like them in various sizes, colours, shapes, and things that make us tick, but how much of it really exists in the gran'd scheme of things? So many of us have a Criteria List and that therein lies the problem. No, I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't have one; in fact I think we should as we all have standards in which we live by. what I am saying; however, is that we shouldn't let them be the absolute factor in whether or not someone is a good match for us.<br />
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My preference is a black man who's complexion is as dark as mine or darker. I'd like him to be at least 5' 10" seeing as i wear 3+ inch heeled shoes almost all the time. I'd like his weight to be between 170 - 210lbs depending on his height. A college education is not a requirement, but I'd like him to have an ability to speak with clear articulation/enunciation. I have an affinity for men in Law Enforcement or the military over civilians. I'd like him to be socially aware, possess the ability to take control and make decision, have good family values, be secure in his own skin, and self-sustaining and ambitious in terms of fulfilling his goals. These are some, yet not all of the things I'd like in a man, but truth be told, my getting them all would be like me sitting in a lab to create him as he is for the most part a figment of my imagination. Yes, I want these things, but actually getting them is something I'm actually afraid of. Why? Because then I have nothing to look forward to. There would be no growth process between us in the ways that it counts. When we get what we want, we tend to not fully appreciate it as we should and in the end we sometimes find ourselves now looking for flaws instead of the things we thought we wanted in the first place.<br />
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In my current 'relationship', he is almost the polar opposite of my criteria list. He's white, he's 10 yrs my junior, he's talented; though does not use his talents to pursue his ambitions and he's certainly not a good decision maker. While he meets the height requirement, he does not have the weight/brawn that i like, but he is strong.<br />
<br />
The point I'm trying to make is that even with the likes/dislikes and the things that are/aren't on my Criteria List, he and I get along very well. We engage in some amazing conversations, we share an unusual sense of humour, our time together is well balanced, and even when we disagree, it's done with decency. Truth be told, I'm happy that he doesn't meet many of the items on my list. I enjoy the differences we share and how we've been able to find a good meeting place in the middle. i find his quirkiness rather endearing and most of all, I just like him for who he is. <br />
<br />
I once came across the words, "I love you just the way you are; now change". It was a startling reminder of what I went through with my ex husband and how it cause so much hurt/pain in my life as I myself working to live up to the phrase. Every now and then it resonates in my life when I'm tempted to pull my Criteria List out and feel inclined to stack the chips against it and someone I like. I recall that unrealistic expectation, that hurt, the inability to live by someone else's image of whom I should be. Even though I've never intentionally wanted to hold someone by a standard, I'm sure I have in some way and for that I apologize. But what I do know is that I can and do fully appreciate not being confined to a comfort zone. I do still have preferences, but do not let them prohibit me from getting to know someone who's not necessarily what I think I'm looking for. Just as I want to be accepted for who I am, I must accept others for who they are and together we just might be everything we've ever wanted.<br />
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</div><span style="color: blue;">It's all possible!</span>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-79506444932067890912010-05-24T07:00:00.001-04:002010-05-24T07:00:10.194-04:00previous post stirred up some thangs!It's bad enough Fantasia came out with that song Bittersweet, which made think of a certain someone, but in truth it did more than that. What it did was take me for a stroll down memory lane where I recounted the many days and nights we shared. There were some very long talks; there were some nights of passionate love making; there were some nights were we just held each other as if it was our last night together; and there were even some nights were I cursed his very existence. In spite of it, he made and indelible mark on my life and I'm not sure there will be another like him, which is probably a good thing anyway; no one needs a replica of another person.<br />
<br />
Our time together was life defining and an experience that at least afforded me some much needed life/love lessons on trust, endurance, faith, friendship; to name a few. For a long time I wondered what my life would be without him in it and for a little while, I found out. It was good for the learning curve and to force each of us to grow up in many ways. We came back to each other as we always did; the boomerang effect, but never enough to form the commitment I used to think we should have. <br />
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Time, distance, and honest growth has shown me that I'm okay with how things have turned out between us. Finally letting go pf him, was the best way of holding on to me. Truth be told, I have had a moment or two where I wanted to feel the intense draw of our chemistry; the trepidation of the kiss; and finally the passion of our love making, but that was then and this is now. We had a good run and we're still friends, which for most isn't easy to maintain, but I'm good with where we are now. We'll always be on the same street; just driving in different cars.<br />
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It's all possible!Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-58967267280358757042010-05-23T19:03:00.001-04:002010-05-24T11:14:10.066-04:00Current song I'm diggingThis is not the official video for this song; Bittersweet by Fantasia; however, the song is too good to not share/post it.<br />
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When I heard the song, my heart involuntarily and spontaneously skipped a beat as I momentarily paused to the recall the one person who resembled the song. It's crazy that even after all these years that he can even get that kind of reaction. I don't hate him and I'm no longer in love with him, but he'll always be the one who gave love and loving such emphasis in my life.<br />
<br />
I don't think of him with remorse or bitterness; in fact it's quite the opposite because in spite of how things didn't turn out between us, we shared a lot of good memories, time, and a bond that nothing can erase. How many of you have had someone in your life that this song can relate to?<br />
<br />
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<br />
Every now and then<br />
I still get a flashback<br />
Of the time I spent<br />
Thinking you could be that one<br />
Should I have just kept your love?<br />
<br />
Yes I understand,<br />
We did have some good times<br />
On the other hand,<br />
Got my crying all night<br />
It was too much for my mind<br />
<br />
So even though I left you<br />
I can't forget you<br />
'Cause when I think about you<br />
It's bittersweet, it's bittersweet<br />
Guess I'll always love you<br />
It's bittersweet, it's bittersweet<br />
<br />
When we were together<br />
You ain't treat me right<br />
Damn I really love you<br />
I ain't gonna lie<br />
<br />
'Cause when I think about you<br />
<br />
It's bittersweet...<br />
<br />
I still have the box<br />
Full of things you gave me<br />
Start to throw it out<br />
Something always stops me, yeah<br />
I'm not as over you as I said<br />
<br />
Deep inside my heart<br />
I made the right decision<br />
But it's gonna hurt<br />
When you might less think it<br />
Did I make a big mistake?<br />
<br />
Even though I left you<br />
<br />
I can't forget you<br />
'Cause when I think about you<br />
It's bittersweet, it's bittersweet<br />
Guess I'll always love you<br />
It's bittersweet, it's bittersweet<br />
<br />
When we were together<br />
You ain't treat me right<br />
Then I really love you<br />
I ain't gonna lie<br />
<br />
'Cause when I think about you<br />
<br />
It's bittersweet...<br />
<br />
See I don't understand<br />
Like, somebody is gonna get hurt<br />
Out of this situation<br />
And you just hope it's not you<br />
<br />
At times...<br />
<br />
Part of me wants you, part of me don't<br />
Part of me is missing you, part of me is gone<br />
Part of me is saying that the love is still strong,<br />
Part of me is letting go<br />
<br />
So even though I left you<br />
I can't forget you<br />
'Cause when I think about you<br />
It's bittersweet, it's bittersweet<br />
Guess I'll always love you<br />
It's bittersweet, it's bittersweet<br />
<br />
When we were together<br />
You ain't treat me right<br />
Then I really love you<br />
I ain't gonna lie<br />
<br />
When I think about you, it's bittersweet<br />
<br />
It's bittersweet....Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-48827832545101694512010-05-18T22:53:00.000-04:002010-05-18T22:53:45.094-04:00own worst enemiesI'm trying; well, not really, to understand why women become their own worst enemies. I can't for the life of me figure out why women go to such great lengths to be in a relationship with someone who has said from the start that he's not looking for a relationship. Does she think that once the sex is laid down or she does a few nice things for him that he's going to change his mind? News flash....he's NOT going to. <br />
<br />
When engaging in a FwBs type relationship, the rules of engagement have to be establish at the onset and adhered to as things progress. Both parties typically agree that while they may spend time, have sex, and partake in whatever social activities they've agree to, but the bottom line is that NO feelings get born of the status. While I recognize that sometimes there are things that make one get a bit emotional, the rules of engagement still need to be respected and enforced. Nothing good comes from trying to force a relationship where there isn't one. In addition, the boundaries of social etiquette must be clearly established and maintained also.<br />
<br />
Nothing is more pathetic than the woman in the FwB relationsihp tossing all the rules out the window and creating her own agenda, which sadly will only leave her in the deficit anyway. Case in point, my brother was seeing Wendy (not her real name) and it was established from the start what it was between them. Wendy appeared to be okay with it all; however, there was things she said and did that raised flags. I cautioned my brother to be careful as I felt she was catching feelings and was using her "kindness" as her weapon to sway him into a permanent relationship. Fortunately for bro, his sis is a wise woman and he's always receptive to my voice of reason. I digress...Anyway, bro as an assortment of female friends; none of whom are all sexual partners and Wendy found herself a bit jealous of that. She had not inquired if he was having sex with anyone other than him, so even if he was, she was still in no position to contest it; save for insisting protection be use at all times. Well, Ms. Wendy takes her lack of being able to pin my bro down, her jealously, and her insecurity to the next level. She set up spyware on the laptop she loaned him and kept a running record of his chats and such. She also managed to get into his personal email when his account was up and he was out of the room. Wendy took it upon herself to send emails of Instant Message (IM) conversations to other woman.<br />
<br />
The woman who were recipients of the emails, contacted my bro and asked him about them; though realizing that it was odd and would be inappropriate by every stretch of the imagination that he would send them. After bro received the information, he immediately realized what had happened and was promptly pissed. <br />
<br />
Now, what Wendy apparently didn't take into consideration was her antics would in no way make bro want to maintain any semblance of contact with or want to get back with her; and why would he anyway? Furthermore, she's contacting women she doesn't know and they could have very easily turned the tables on her. Her actions wreaked of all the things that made women look stupid in a mans eye; mine too.<br />
<br />
Back in December I had a situation of Krypto's ex girlfriend calling me, but she was wise to hang up before I answered. Being the mature AND secure woman I am, I contacted Krypto and made it abundantly clear that he handle the situation as i don't do that kind of bullshit/drama and out of respect for his and my friendship I wouldn't contact her. After he made my feelings known, you would think that she would respect my wishes and leave me alone right? Oh, no! Ms. Thang decided she would txt me the following morning apologizing and trying to justify her actions. Really? So, it was bad enough that she violated her exes (Krypto) privacy and got my number out of his phone; then she called me; and now she's txtn me? Now, that's a bold, but really dumb chic right there, because now she's put the ball back in my court and I was about to go game, set, and match on her ass. <br />
<br />
After I digested the txt and gave my spirit room for pause, I called her. I told her; without having to raise my voice or letting Ebonica loose, that I was not the one to play with and that I was firm in my not wanting her to contact me in any way. I went on to tell her that her insecurity was not my issue and that whatever issues she had she needed to work them out independent of me. My friendship with Krypto was just that; a friendship and if she couldn't handle it, that wasn't my problem. Once the warmth of my icy words were firmly delivered, I hung up and called him to let him know I was forwarding the txt to him and that I'd called his ex and voiced my extreme displeasure. This is how a grown/mature/secure woman handles the futile attempts of an insecure woman.<br />
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Woman need to find their core worth, wealth, and value in and of themselves instead of using me to make them feel whole. They need to stop with the game playing, the creation of relationships that don't exist, and most importantly contacting women whom they feel is a threat to them. While in theory they may feel their actions are justified, they often quickly see how the practicality of it all is pretty sad and pathetic. My final thought on the situation is as the adage goes, "if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen". <br />
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<div style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><span style="color: blue;">It's all possible!</span>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-29073236026649274752010-05-17T19:09:00.000-04:002010-05-17T19:09:46.280-04:00Ready, set....NOPE!!!It's been five years since I was in a relationship and the time off has been quite an experience; good, bad, and whatever. I've learned so much about myself, seen life through very different eyes, and finally came to a place of peace that I wasn't sure I'd get to; however, I did and boy am I happy I have.<br />
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Since the end of July 2008, I began dating; something I'd never done in my past. Seeing that I was a serial monogamist and a 'late bloomer', the initial thought of seeing different people seemed a rather odd and lofty adventure on my part. Given that I'm blessed to have some amazing friends in my life, they guided me through the process and I entered the very new world of dating and to my surprise; found that I actually enjoyed it. I liked having options, the ability to venture into various activities that I may not have if I'd been in a monogamous relationship, and I just like having the liberty of just being free. <br />
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While I'm liberal to some degree with sex, the thought of being sexual with multiple partners was out of the question. The one I saw with the most frequency was the one I slept with, and kept things topical with the others. Over time, I began weening as I refused to stay on the ride, when the momentum was gone and I didn't want to send mixed signals.<br />
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Ready....When I finally called it quits altogether and entered back into my single and celibate state. In the process, I'd finally and completely gotten over Kyrpto, which was an emotional expenditure that had long since run its course. The friendship with Heart's Desire had grown exponentially and I felt that's definitely where I wanted to be. Truth be told, I'd fallen for him, which in and of itself was a celebration to pale July 4th as it had taken 14 1/2yrs to me to actually feel that way about anyone else; to include my ex husband. I was willing to see where that could go until there was a left turn in Albuquerque and had to put that idea on the back burner. It didn't end my feelings for him, but it did make me not regret my decision to be celibate again, which lasted almost four days shy of four months when I saw him again. It was once again, another wonderful experience, another step in the direction of feeling that I was ready to be in a monogamous relationship. Through him, I saw that part of me that In some ways, I'd missed in the five year relationship break I'd been on. <br />
<br />
Set...So, there it was, me single once again. I decided it was best that I remain single and not date. I wanted to give myself the opportunity to ensure that my heart was in fact ready, and that I would be open and receptive to a potential relationship.<br />
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Nope...As if like cosmic amusement, I found myself in a completely unexpected and accidental FwB (Friends with Benefits) relationship. Unlike one I'd entered into before, this one came very well equipped with all the friendship I needed to make put us in a non-balanced place. Neither of us expected what had happened and neither of us regret the decision to continue as we still tried to figure out how we'd even gotten involved. <br />
<br />
He was given the moniker of The Accidental Playmate; The Playmate for short. Neither of us are currently employed, so we have a lot of time to do things we might not have being employed. We call the time we share together play dates, which in some cases are just that. As I said, we don't always reduce our shared time to just sex. We go out and about, we watch movies and discuss the plot; sometimes we just sit and talk, and he's been a great source of strength and comfort during this time with me settling my daughter's fathers estate. The Playmate has brought a level of balance to my life at a time when I needed a friend; intimacy, and most of all NO STRESS/DRAMA. We completely and totally respect each other and make no demands for anything the other isn't willing or able to give. <br />
<br />
For a while, I was completely sure that I was Ready and Set for emotional permanence, but it's pretty obvious that I'm <b><i>not </i></b>and you know what? I'm very much okay with that!<br />
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<span style="color: blue;">It's all possible!</span>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-26414904347414646042010-05-08T07:33:00.001-04:002010-05-08T07:33:00.237-04:00on being bi-cultured!<div>Since I can remember, I've enjoyed being English by birth and Jamaican by blood. I've enjoyed being able to slip between speaking standard English and Patois (Jamaican dialect; NOT a language). I think it's great to be able to speak in my "native tongue", although it's not quite a good as it could be. Why? because over the years; primarily since living in the U.S, people have had a hard time understanding when I speak English (with my East London/cockney twang), so my speaking Patois can be that much more confusing; unless I'm around Jamaicans of course. The funny thing is that , Jamaicans can tell if you're from England or have lived in the U.S because you're dialect is "off". The exception to the rule is for those who speak Patois daily and only "flip" when absolutely necessary. </div><br />
<div></div><br />
<div>I love that I eat a variety of foods that to some seem odd. I like that I can eat something for breakfast that can also be served for dinner. I've been drinking liquor since childhood because Jamaicans put rum in many drinks or will turn a regular glass of Guinness in a "punch" so it's children friendly.<br />
<br />
We can and do turn every event into a party. I recall my birthday last year and I asked my cousin if she'd cook breakfast for me and she said yes, and a simple breakfast turned into a full-fledged brunch which lasted until 5:00pm. We ate, danced, took pictures, and enjoyed each others company. <br />
<br />
Culturally, we'll have more than one generation living under one roof and family ties are maintained and drama gets squashed instead of people keeping their distance. We like going "home" or "back a yard" because there is nothing like clean air, organic food, white sand beaches, and being able to just be.<br />
<br />
I've never denied who I am or where I'm from and never will. I embrace every part of my dual heritage and celebrate it often.<br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: blue;"><br />
</div><span style="background-color: blue;">It's all possible!</span><br />
<br />
</div>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-5813440522919401202010-05-07T07:25:00.001-04:002010-05-07T07:25:00.413-04:00Thoughts on women reduxAfter talking to the boys about why they're still single, this is what they told me... <br />
<br />
If women spent more time fixing their own problems instead of talking about other women, they'd be much better off.<br />
<br />
Stop saying you want a man who has this or that, but you have nothing of substance to bring to the table.<br />
<br />
If a man cheated on his wife with you, what makes you so special that he won't do it to you?<br />
<br />
If a man does not take care of the children he already has, why would you have a child with him?<br />
<br />
Tattooing a man's name on your neck/breast does not make you his wife/woman<br />
<br />
It's okay be single; really<br />
<br />
Sleeping with a man does not constitute a relationship<br />
<br />
Know the rules <i>before </i>you play the game<br />
<br />
Just because you have a good job, can cook, and f*ck like a porn star means nothing if there is no real depth to your personality<br />
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Seeing a man because he has a good job, lives in a nice home, and dresses well doesn't make him the Right Man; he's still just a man<br />
<br />
Woman should not be afraid of being a woman, but instead embrace it, live it, and be proud of it<br />
<br />
Stop being acting like you don't <i>need </i>a man when you're doing all kinds of things to get a man<br />
<br />
Woman can't press a man about being on the down low if they're not forthcoming about their sexual history<br />
<br />
If you suspect a man is gay; he just might be. Trust your instincts and walk away!<br />
<br />
You can not fix a man<br />
<br />
Learn to listen and let the man speak<br />
<br />
There were many more things that were said, but I'll save them for another timeBlu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-15634405670967131152010-05-06T06:00:00.001-04:002010-05-06T06:00:05.443-04:00randomsI think skinny dipping is great<br />
<br />
Ever wonder if that cute girl/guy you've been crushing on will look as cute while they're sleeping?<br />
<br />
If you became famous, how much of your life would you change?<br />
<br />
I don't feel sorry for celebs who eff their lives up because I'm offended that they've squandered their talent and shit on those who are struggling to make it.<br />
<br />
I had an opportunity to date celebs and turned it down. Just didn't want to 1) become just a f*ck and 2) didn't want my life to be on display by being with them<br />
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You're given $10,000 to get cosmetic surgery, what would you change and why?<br />
<br />
Sometimes I look at the guys in men's magazines and wonder if 1) they're gay or 2) how big their penis is.<br />
<br />
Kissing on the first date; a go or no go?<br />
<br />
I have a mental crush on a few actors and wonder if they'd kiss as good in real life as they make it look on t.v<br />
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Then again, I'm not sure I'd really want to know because I'd be really disappointed if it were bad. This is the one time I think fantasy is better than reality<br />
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How come fat people always order diet drinks?<br />
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If you're completely compatible in every way with the object of your affection, but they can't really move you in bed, do you settle for bad sex or move on?<br />
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I considered changing my name to something else when I was younger and sometimes wish I'd gone through with it<br />
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How come smokers smoke in their car and then throw the butts out the window?<br />
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If a man masturbates, does that constitute murder? (been thinking about that for some time after watching Legally Blonde)<br />
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I've worn something and then taken it back for no other reason than I just wanted it for the occasion<br />
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I know stealing is wrong, but got quite a kick out of doing it when I was a kid. I'd be hard pressed to do it now though. Guess I've got too much to lose.<br />
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I feel guilty when I hear gospel songs that I don't like<br />
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I have a family member that I want to slap the taste out of her mouth so bad<br />
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If you found out you were dating your half-brother/sister how would you confront your parent(s)?<br />
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I like to send cards/notes through snail mail just because<br />
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I saw a boy in girls skinny jeans and it was very disturbing to me because he had a girlfriend. (since when were girls jeans interchangeable? Help!)<br />
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I've often wondered what it would be like to see myself through someone else's eyes...literally!Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-5140724862658658892010-05-05T22:21:00.000-04:002010-05-05T22:21:43.609-04:00what makes me happyKnowing and appreciating that I'm a child of God<br />
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Standing up even when I want to fall down<br />
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Seeing Lil Lady smile<br />
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Cooking and watching people eat<br />
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Playing tambourine in church<br />
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Spending time with my cousins in FL <br />
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Getting into or creating shenanigans<br />
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Hearts Desire<br />
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Being the woman i am<br />
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Waiting for love to come instead of forcing it to happen<br />
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Stolen moments<br />
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Being a blessing to others and being in a position to bless others<br />
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Hagen Daaz Five mint ice cream<br />
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Sunflowers and Calla Lillies<br />
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Being encouraged<br />
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<span style="color: blue;">It's all possible!</span>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-70148126911188793012010-04-28T15:09:00.000-04:002010-04-28T15:09:39.894-04:00From afarThis past Saturday, i had an opportunity to see Heart's Desire as he was on the east coast for business. In light of what I'm going through, seeing him was a pleasant detour from my current journey and sharing time with him filled in some of the emptiness in my life.<br />
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Our time was limited due to his having to head back to NY that evening, but limited time was still time enough as quality over quantity prevails in my book.<br />
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The feelings we have for each other are still very much in tact and it's amazing how two people remain so well connected in spite of a three thousand mile gap between them. It served to remind me that distance is no match for what one feels in their heart. Lil Lady likes him; even after only meeting him twice now and believes that the company he recently did business with will make him an offer he can't refuse and he'll be hack on the east coast. She is absolutely convinced that he and I will end up together and that the current she in his life doesn't have his heart; I do. Rather impressive and lofty thoughts, but I embrace them as we <i>are </i>well suited for each other.<br />
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Right now, I need every positive thought I can get and have, so I'll take it and tuck it into my heart as I continue to get little reminders that delay does not mean denial.<br />
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Enjoy your day family.<br />
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</div><span style="color: cyan;">It's all possible!</span>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-32486043061105608582010-04-28T00:57:00.000-04:002010-04-28T00:57:31.593-04:00where do i even begin?It's funny; actually it's not, how life takes sudden turns that exceed the normal left turns in Albuquerque and leave you stranded on life's highway saying, "what happened, and how the hell did I get here?"<br />
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Well, of late that's been the state of my existence. I woke up one morning and found out that I was one of the many people who would be laid off due to the company losing the contract. I was neither shocked nor disappointed as I knew it had nothing to do with my work performance; however, the prospect of being unemployed didn't sit well with me as I like working. I did consider how long it would take me to become re-employed? Did I have enough saved as not to touch my IRA? And what would I do with my now abundance of free time? <br />
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I used the time to take on an autobiographical writing project that I've been encouraged to write for some time now. It began with some ease, but I hit a couple of roadblocks and put said project on hold. Shortly before I decided to take it on again, another spin out occurred...I was informed that someone who had a major roll in my life died suddenly and since that fateful day, my life has been somewhat of a blur. <br />
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As much as I want to go back to work, I realize that the timing of my job loss and the life loss afforded me the time to handle affairs that have left me emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. I have a gaping wide whole in my life and heart right now and have no idea how/when it'll close. Time heals they say, but I don't want time to heal a damn thing, I just want to hit rewind and get back what should still be here anyway. <br />
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Anger, pain, and frustration aside, I strive to move forward and embrace life and living a lot stronger/harder than I did before. I'm looking at life more closely and effectively because losing my recently turned 46 year influential person showed me that we don't know how/when our life will be over and we've got to find and hold on to things of substance; release ourselves from the drama/pain/toxicity and live and make things possible. <br />
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Those who know of my loss, tell me that I'm a strong woman and that I can get through this, but what if I don't want to be strong? What if I want or need to be weak? Does anyone ever consider that? Do people really think that just because one is perceived to be strong that they can handle all the shit the life drops in their life? Uhm? I'll take "no, for a thousand Alex!" Yes, I've overcome a lot of pain, adversity, and generally being screwed over and shit on in my life; all of which I can say I've gotten over; at least for the most part. But this, my dear readers, is not something I'm going to simply "get over". I'm not going to wake up one morning and think that his loss was a good thing. I'm not going to be stronger because he's gone. My strength doesn't make a Super Woman; all it does and has done is make me find alternative ways to deal with the crap. This not so much! I hate that he's gone! Hate it! Hate it! Hate it!!!!<br />
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The <i>ONLY <b></b></i>summation I can give to this is that God must have one heck of a plan for me and that He's going to bless me with something amazing. All of these trials are the polishing tools to bring me to my most refined and ready point to receive His blessing. I have opened my heart and mind to this thought because I believe it and because it's the only thing that makes sense of the sudden changes in my life. <br />
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Well, that's all folks! I haven't re read this so I haven't a clue if it makes sense or follows any logical sequence, which would be in total keeping with my life. <br />
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<div style="color: blue;">It's all possible (whatever <i>IT </i>is)</div>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-27724090390035428672010-03-12T20:21:00.001-05:002010-03-12T20:21:41.118-05:00More tales from the airport - flight home FLL to ACYSo, in fine keeping with my flight from ACY to FLL; my flight home was equally wrought with drama.<br />
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Given that I fly the same flight pattern for my return home, I arrived at FLL a little over an hour before my flight time and proceed to the security area only to be told I need to go to the end of the line. I'm immediately confused as the line was damn near a quarter line long and went out the door to the curb. Naturally, I think there's a mistake and promptly announce that my flight is departing within the hour and I need to get through security. <br />
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The Spirit staff tell me that it's not up to them, but the authority of the TSA to determine who can move through the line faster; and the TSA was less than accommodating by telling me I'm not the only one with a flight to catch and that I'll make my flight. Heavens to Murgatroid I say to myself as I stomp away fuming inside. I make a call to my cousin to give her the heads up that I'm cutting it close to making my flight and I might be spending another night in her home state. Of course she has no issue with that, but I really did want to get home. <br />
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By the grace of the divine powers that be, I manage to get through security and hustle my skinny jeans; stiletto heeled wearing self through the densely. populated terminal and board the plane. As I'm coming down the aisle, I make eye contact with this cute white boy who announces to the flight attendant that he's buying his boy in seat 1A a drink; so I inquire if he's buying me one too. He eyes me up and down, takes my hand and asks what seat I'm in. I tell him and he tells me that he's got me and asks what I'm drinking. Who'd have thought there would be some redemption for all the initial drama of making the flight?!<br />
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I throw down on the food I'd brought on with me and doze off momentarily. My snooze is promptly interrupted by the flight attendant who hands me my drink compliments of the cute white boy in seat 3A. I send a thank you note back with her and prepare to enjoy my richly deserved drink. <br />
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A Jack and Coke and a nap later, I arrive at ACY where I'm picked up by the BFF and blab on about my raucous weekend before getting going home to the comfort of my own bed and sleep on the memory of another great weekend with the best cousins a girl would ask for.<br />
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It's All Possible!Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-59314195838012685032010-03-05T17:21:00.000-05:002010-03-05T17:21:51.647-05:00Tales from ACY updateSo, we finally leave ACY about 3:00 pm after the delays and I situated myself and went to sleep. Upon landing, I went through the minutia of retrieving my luggage, vacating the plane, and made my way out of the terminal to wait for my ride and then it hits me...IT'S COLD! It was like in the mid 50s and I only had on a light denim jacket and a knitted scarf; thank goodness for the scarf though because it actually kept me warm.<br />
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I arrive at my cousin's eat; as it's imperative that I eat within an hour of landing or I will become ill. Don't ask. It's some crazy altitude thing. After eating, I make some calls to see what mischief I can get myself into. Upon visiting my other cousin, I was given a bottle of Jamaica rum punch and anyone familiar with Jamaican White Rum compliments of Wray & Nephew knows that is some serious rum; essentially not for the novices. Ironically, I'm rather scared of the stuff; however, it tasted so good (straight from the bottle) that I couldn't stop drinking it, and after my tentative plans failed to materialize, I ended up drinking, 3/4s of the bottle and lived to tell about it the next morning. My cousin drank the missing 1/4.<br />
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I'm hoping not to have tales from FLL upon my return as I'll be on the last flight for the day and have no desire to be stuck in an airport again. Should some misfortune fall upon me, I'll simply call my cuzzie and have her come and get me and take the morning flight out.<br />
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Traveling is as enjoyable as it is stressful; however, it's a great means of transportation if you mentally innocculate yourself from the foolishness you endure in order to board.<br />
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It's all possible!Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-63942801319128932292010-03-04T13:50:00.002-05:002010-03-04T22:30:45.623-05:00Tales from ACY (Atlantic City International Airport)Given that I usually pack a week prior to travel, I should have seen my lack or typical preparation as a sign. After a morning of errands and a Dr appt, I arrived at ACY with enough time to endure the grueling Homeland Insecurity of the TSA in order to board the plane. I paid the ridiculous price of $2.31 for a 16oz fountain sode and sat in the eating area people watching as I devoured a sandwich, chips and my freshly spiked Pepsi. Altitude makes me hungry so I have to eat prior to flying; sometimes while in the air and within an hourof landing or the effects of not eating manifest in an ugly fashion.<br />
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So, after eating, I mosey to the gate and wait patiently for my flight. During my wait. I'm engaged in four separate conversations to pass the time. Blackberry's make excellent travel companions :-). My buzz is feeling good and I'm ready to get this road on the show (intentionally said backwards) for my weekend of fun. And then the dreaded announcement comes, "attention passengers on flight 235 nonstop to Ft. Lauderdale has been delayed due to a disabled plane on the runway. We're sorry for the inconvenience, but we'll have you on your way as soon as we can. Thank you for your patience and cooperation. Thank me for my what? What freaking choice did I have in the matter? I have no choice but to wait because making a scene won't move the plane and it will certainly get me escorted out by security. That would not be a good look and would have my name added to the TSA watch list.<br />
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So, I find a vacant seat as I'd been standing and park myself as I wait for another announcement. It comes in the form on the plane being moved and we're now looking at a 2:00pm departure. The original time of departure was 12:37pm. Good thing my ground transportation lives close enough to the airport and can still get me once I land. I'm also glad that modern technology afforded me the opportunity to communicate the constant change in. Departure.<br />
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I continue to sit and tell you my tale and then another passenger sits in front of me and announces he felt like he was in an episode of 24 after the level of interrogation and search he endured. Poor thing! I'm sure as hell glad it didn't happen to me because I'm not sure how well that would have gone.<br />
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Another announcement tells the anxious passengers that the plane was rerouted to LGA ( La Guardia) and would be arrive shortly and our newly scheduled departure would be @ 2:37pm; two hours after its original departure time. Now, I have to txt my friend whom I planned to see upon landing to say I'll be even later. Hopefully, he'll still want to wait around for me ;-)<br />
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So, this is my tale from ACY. A follow up post will be forthcoming to let you know if we actually leave on time and what frame of mind I was in upon arrival. Oh, needless to say, my buzz is now BLOWN :-(<br />
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Its all possible!Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-57820639709047383492010-02-24T18:48:00.000-05:002010-02-24T18:48:57.940-05:00New Tat<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJL2ldikQLPCbKYO5FeS-YMl5CZLROn_SqqQKe8Q8gdYofFFX1P0nxYeHunPKhhxGuj4LOfQLpTHmV-5aFH-8OtZn74h9J3_O0paV2x5hgcn78HvQQ5Orxu47KQEe6-8AlQMli/s1600-h/DSC02702.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJL2ldikQLPCbKYO5FeS-YMl5CZLROn_SqqQKe8Q8gdYofFFX1P0nxYeHunPKhhxGuj4LOfQLpTHmV-5aFH-8OtZn74h9J3_O0paV2x5hgcn78HvQQ5Orxu47KQEe6-8AlQMli/s320/DSC02702.JPG" /></a></div><span id="goog_1267054967596"></span><span id="goog_1267054967597"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>On my back right side, by my shoulder. The words are in Sanskrit and mean Love, Trust, Harmony. This makes #12.<br />
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<i style="color: blue;"><b>It's all possible!</b></i>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-22303406297511543952010-02-24T18:40:00.001-05:002010-02-24T18:41:39.505-05:00Favourite song of the moment<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
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<object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/2Sx6H6j00N4&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/2Sx6H6j00N4&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br />
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<div style="color: cyan;"><b><i><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></i></b></div><b style="color: cyan;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">It's all possible!</span></i></b>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-57907177451165621152010-02-18T13:53:00.000-05:002010-02-18T13:53:59.145-05:00Sanctuary<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You came back into my life</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And from day one</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Effortlessly peeled away the layers</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Until you reached my innermost sanctum</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Taking up residency like a stubborn squatter</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As if my soul was where you were supposed to be</span><br />
© 2010<br />
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<span style="color: cyan; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>It's all possible!</em></strong></span>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-79448940017023579472010-02-17T23:11:00.001-05:002010-02-17T23:16:42.729-05:00Right NowIt's not a new song, but dammit if it's not a good one. I found it while searching for some decent music to listen to. It's perfect for those moments when you want to just kick back and chill. Check it out and thank me later ;-)<br />
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvDpFqBCRQU"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/gvDpFqBCRQU&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/gvDpFqBCRQU&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></a><br />
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</span></i></b></div><b style="color: #0c343d;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">It's all possible!</span></i></b>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-15766917277552624822010-02-16T21:31:00.000-05:002010-02-16T21:31:05.859-05:00enough already<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1bBotUVHekox-mnGPCqw_nTLHpC-e3yfGqLOlzAwCPbgnqmoHpdM5a-Ds-GhsJRXjxUtZDqkC83ya45TTI0Oy6xX-QkTEV9w9ofSuKW4llAIqsIEfaESNPbxraVmdF3RXG58v/s1600-h/DSC02641.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1bBotUVHekox-mnGPCqw_nTLHpC-e3yfGqLOlzAwCPbgnqmoHpdM5a-Ds-GhsJRXjxUtZDqkC83ya45TTI0Oy6xX-QkTEV9w9ofSuKW4llAIqsIEfaESNPbxraVmdF3RXG58v/s320/DSC02641.JPG" /> </a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">This is what my house looked like during the last snow storm on 6 Feb. We got more snow later in the week on Wednesday and Thursday. We're starting to thaw out now and you can actually see my street and driveway etc. I'm praying there' be no more snow or those of you who live in a warm state will be getting a house guest.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: cyan;"><i>It's all possible! </i></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
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</div>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-3388235137989544292010-02-15T17:53:00.003-05:002010-02-15T18:05:14.773-05:00No-homoThis post was inspired by <a href="http://iambootifal.blogspot.com">Luv</a>.<br /><br />In the comment to my last post, <a href="http://iambootifal.blogspot.com">Luv</a> gave me compliment on my current pic and said, "yeah i looked at your pic and instantly was like what's wrong with these guys. you are gorgeous (no homo").<br /><br />Why is it that we have to put a disclaimer on giving someone a compliment? Has society gotten that far out of control that we can't give someone of the same gender a compliment without being thought of as "homo"?<br /><br />I think it's half past ridiculous that we're taking 'politically correctness' to this extreme. In fact, there is nothing I deem politically incorrect about giving someone a damn compliment. If someone is pretty, sexy, or whatever the verb of the day is and you want to speak on it, then dammit; speak on it. No one should have to preface what they're saying; especially when they're saying something nice.<br /><br />I'm so sick and tired of everything having to have some kind of preface or disclaimer to it when it comes to everyday people, but if we're referring to a celebrity, it's okay to say they're whatever the complimentary very is for them. Don't try to sell me London Bridge cause 1) it doesn't exist and 2) it damn sure isn't in London and 3) I don't have that kind of cash anyway.<br /><br />My point is, when you come to iS iT jUsT mE? you can whatever you'd like in response to my pix or what I post without prefacing it. Just know that if you come at me sideways without just cause, I'm going to give it back to you. I welcome debate, I just ask people to not use profanity or resort to name calling when trying to make their point.<br /><br />Now, that all being said, please don't refrain giving someone a compliment if you feel they deserve it and certainly don't preface it as it then becomes backhanded and insincere.<br /><br />That's my jewel dusting for the day and thanks again to <a href="http://iambootifal.blogspot.com">Luv</a> for the inspiration.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 204, 255);font-size:130%;" >It's all possible!</span>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20538189.post-23065637344902961742010-02-14T18:21:00.002-05:002010-02-14T18:57:06.388-05:00It's a little sweeter!Okay, since my last post, I've been hit by more snow than a woman a should have to shovel, but oh well, the good of the bad is that my arms, shoulders and back are in optimal condition.<br /><br />Thank you all for your support and such with my last post and here's an update to that.<br /><br />Since, The Him's email, we've continued to communicate as friends, although some of our conversations have taken not just a left turn Albuquerque; but went up the mountain too. How? You might ask, so I shall tell...<br /><br />I volunteered to update his resume as he's going through some things at work and is seeking new employment. In doing so he thanked me and I replied saying, "my pleasure" and he sighed. Naturally, I was concerned and asked what could be wrong. He replied, "nothing I can fix right now". Me being me, said some encouraging things to boost his spirits thinking it was work related. A few minutes later, he said, "thanks. lol. It's YOU!" I blushed every hue of red, realizing the impact of what he said and meant. *cue Hawa's comment about "his little experiment*! <br /><br />Anyhoo, the conversation went back and forth about his feelings for me and how connected he feels to me. This line of conversation went on for almost a week and it's blatantly obvious that his feelings are like the still river running deep and it's only the distance (he's on the left coast if I didn't mention that before) that's the problem.<br /><br />So, here I am with feelings deep enough to swim in and I'm cool with that. I take comfort in knowing that the feelings involved are completely mutual and his honesty makes him even more attractive. We've lyrically spoken which is another effective means of our on-going communication and that in itself is rather attractive. *cue the harps and angels*<br /><br />In closing, I'll say that this is probably the best relationship I've never had and I'm enjoying every waking minute of it. It feels good to feel and it's even better to know that there's reciprocity involved. Those who are in my innermost circle are all sending positive vibes into the universe and they're all conspiring in my favour to ensure that "his little experiment" does not produce favourable results and he becomes mine; all mine and the distance will be replaced.<br /><br />It's great to have such wonderful cheerleaders in my life. *high kicks and pom-poms in the air*<br /><br />There you have it readers; another update in the life of Blu Jewel.<br /><br />Oh, B2B how'd do you like this pic?<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 204, 255); font-weight: bold; font-family: verdana;">It's all possible!</span></span>Blu Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09850562981453356321noreply@blogger.com8