Word Play

I read a blog this morning where a man obviously attracted to his collegue/date, used "hidden meanings" in order to flirt without being insulting, suggest without being obvious, and create a closeness while remaining somewhat distant. I thought his approach was creative and a turn on. Here's why...

Being a wordsmith myself, and one quite fond of conjuring mental imagery, I find oral stimulation (not oral sex) to be quite an asset when it comes to actual foreplay. In order to stimulate someone, the ability to work them over mentally is both a challenge and a turn on. It's pretty obvious and sometimes uneventful when physical attraction is the key to being turned on, if you can work that same person over with words (orally), then you have a skill that surpasses the obvious and takes the interaction to a higher plateau. Expand your mind, open yourself to newness, and seek things that aren't apparent and more often than not, you'll find yourself in a more pleasurable situation.

He makes love to me with words
And teases with the letters
Creating sentences that stimulate
Yet never touches my skin
My body is his paper
His fingers are the pen
His words are erotic and enticing
Tempting and arousing
His grammar are kisses
His foreplay is in adjectives
Writing words so sweet
I weaken from his seduction
Though he never touches me
He makes love to me with words

Identity Theft

So, we're all familiar with the term "Identity Theft" and assume it's always about someone trying to steal someone else's name and information for fraud; well I have another take on it.

Naturally, I spend a lot of time on the Net. I'm either searching for information, posting something, reading something, banking, or what have you. But at any rate, I'm pretty much always on the Net. What I've noticed lately will either shock, upset, or annoy you. Myspace.com and maybe similar type sites are allowing children to set up accounts and communicate with other teens and friends online. Now, to many this might seem like a harmless thing, but it's not. In fact, it's rather dangerous and risky. I'll explain.

The identity of the child is for the most part posted; however, do we really know if the child is 17 as they've posted or 13? Do we know that the alleged 15 y/o boy with a supporting photo is really 15 or 45? The answer to both questions is no; therefore, identify theft. The posters on these sites are stealing identities (by creation) and basically soliciting themselves online. In addition, their new ID is often quite different from the one their parents know. Again ID theft. They've stolen their original IDs (how they present themselves at home) and posted new ones; sometimes ones that you wouldn't even know was your child. While many gasp and shake their heads at a childs sneaking ability to create these pages, think about the company that allows this to happen with. Think about how easy it is for children to create hotmail, gmail, or yahoo accounts so their parents won't know they have an additional email addreses. Typically and unsupervised and unrestricted one. Parents, mentors, aunts, uncles, sisters, and brothers; even teachers, this is a frightening phenomena.

People, the Net is a haven for disaster when misappropriately used (as it often is) and we need to start taking a stand to better protect our children. Aside from the obvious as I initially stated, the Net is a grand scale ID theft circuit. Our children are being sucked in by what they think is a harmless activity. They;re relinquishing their known personalities and identities to be people they're not and they're posting pictures of themselves, making new friends, and often ignoring the teaching of their parents about online security. It terrifies me to think and know what's taking place in the world wide web and I'll be establishing my own Homeland Security. Maybe you should too.

Cheaters Beware

While many woman find it increasingly hard to find a good man, the right man, or a man at all, I think the search has become a little easier if you're willing to spend some money, do some reseach, and/or not ignore your instincts for the sake of netting a man. Here's what I have to share.

So, I'm reading the usual threads on BV (Black Voices on AOL) and came across an interesting link; www.dontdatehimgirl.com. The constitutionality of this website has yet to be determined (frankly, I think it's hilarious and necessary), but if nothing else, it's informative. The site provides a database of men who have proven themselves to be untrustworthy, manipulative, liars, and down right good for nothings. Women are afforded the opportunity for FREE to post a photo and pertinent information of a man she's dated or been in a relationship with who has lied and/or cheated on her. She's able to post whatever information she deems necessary to forewarn and protect other women from being caught in his snare. Naturally, I went to the website and laughed hysterically as I read the comments from the women. I even saw the name (on the blog entry) of a man who resides roughly 2o minutes from me. (Thank goodness, I'm not shopping for a man!) All jokes aside though, think about it, if women had the insight to protect themselves from harm, don't you think it's a good thing? Of course it it, but here's where I play Devil's Advocate.

The website, Constitutionally sound or not, does provide a much needed service for women to be informed and to protect themselves; however, what happened to plain old common sense and women's intution? Oh, I forgot, I've previously discussed that the former is not common. Moving on! If you've been given signs, have a gut feeling, or he seems too good to be true, why not follow those feelings and not allow yourselves to succomb to the lies and bullshit because you want a man? Honestly ladies, you'd be better served by a Rabbit or other sex toy, than to fall prey to the wiley ways of an emotional con man. Think about it for a minute and you'll see that I'm right instead of mentally cussing me out for stating the truth.

Now, that we have that established, I'll continue. I think many (mostly men) will find this site offensive because it attacks men and puts them in an unfavorable light, but there is still a lot of truth in the postings. Personally, I don't think I'd post anything on such a site unless the man did something so heinous that I deemed it absolutely necessary to emasculate and demean him publically. I have other ways to use my dark side (lol). And for the record, I don't think I'd object to a man setting up a similar website because women can be pretty darn triflin too and not only do they use men, but use children in their means to use men.

So, in closing I'll say this...Men and women (cheaters in general) beware of what you're getting yourself into and with whom. If it seems too good to be true, it just might be; and if it smells like shit, then it is shit. Outkast said it best..."roses really smell like boo, boo, boo..."

Nuff said!

Social Skills

Why is it that when a women in asked to dance at a club, men think it's 1) an invitation to make conversation even though for the most part a woman can't hear them above the music anyway; and 2) they think it's an opportunity for a gratuitus feel up session? For the record, well speaking for myself at least, it's neither. If I want to engage in conversation, I'll do it off the dance floor in an area where I can hear and be heard. And for the most insulting part, I am not dancing in order to attract a men's unsolicited and unwanted advances nor do I want his grimey hands all over me. What's with that shit anyway?

Just recently while at a club, I had a guy come up to me and try to engage in conversation while dancing with me meanwhile we were standing right in front of the speaker. I purposely refused to engage his attempt at conversation and then he had the audacity to tell me to turn around so he could bump and grind my ass. SCREACH! That's when I pumped the brakes and danced away from his triflin ass and gave him the infamous hand to the grill when he tried to dance back on me. There was no way, no how that I was going to tolerate that shit.

The night progresses and some stank and sweaty guy decides he wants to dance. I decline and he keeps trying by pulling my arm. Now, I'm not one prone to violence, but the idea of some man pulling on me is pretty offensive and will inspire the Malcolm X in me to come out and dispense an industrial sized can of whoop ass. As his luck would have it, my friend stepped in to try and save him by dancing with me, but seeing as it was a girl, he appeared not to be threatened. Well, we decided to lay it on thick and make it seem like we were "together", it worked for a minute until his testosterone kicked in and I guess he was kinda turned on. Oh, too bad for him because I used it to flip the situation and commence to emasculating his dumb ass. He kept making comments and pressing his luck by telling me what he thought he could do for me. Man, did he open a the can. I then told him that he was unattractive, he smelled, and that he couldn't do shit for me than I was already doing for myself. In addition, his dick was probably too small to accommodate the women in me and that I could buy a dick bigger and better than his. OH HELL YEAH, I SAID THAT!!! That was my industrial strength verbal whoop ass. After that, he finally got the picture and left me alone. My decoy, slapped me a high five and we laughed our asses off as he skulked away.

Social Skills are not something that everyone has, but all should possess. It's apparent that I used mine to the umpteenth power.

What the F**K?

Okay, so you know I was pretty pissed over seeing pix of Britney Spears with her son on her lap and her bodyguard properly restrained in the passenger seat; well, that's jack shit compared to how I feel today.

So, I'm on the Net and I read that no charges are going to be filed against her for clearly dangering the welfare of her child and her dumb ass self for that matter. She claims that she felt threatened by the paparazzi and that's why she had her son on her lap. Give in a mutha f*ckin break will ya? Felt threatened, so you put your son at risk, but seating on your lap? Now I done heard it all. See, I'm so f*cking pissed that I'm speaking out of my normal diction. Let that have been me with a kid on my damn lap and see if I got away with it claiming I felt threatened by someone. The cop would call the folks in white jackets for my ass. There's not a mother (well, for Britney's example there are some jacked up ones), with any good sense, that would do that dumb shit in the name of safety. And if she was so damned scared, what the hell does she have a damn bodyguard for? Ain't he paid to protect her and her son? AND to further add bullshit to her story, he had a damn seatbelt on, so how f*cking scared could either of them been?

You know what, I need to stop before I pop a vessle in my head getting pissed off over this trick. Yeah, I said it, I called her a trick. Right now it's the nicest thing I can say cause the voices in my head are saying some things that could get this blog shut down if I wrote them.

The following link tells her side of the story (lie) and what the authorities said. With folk like them how can anyone feel safe.
http://music.msn.com/music/article.aspx?news=214899

I'm gone! (Leans back in chair and rubs temples)

Common Sense is NOT Common Part 2

The following pictures take my previous blog of the same title to another level. I don't even need to speak on the stupidity and downright f*cking lack of cautionary judgement once you see the pix, but damn I am soooo pissed and need to vent. Can someone PLEASE tell me how someone with the money that she has not have a f*cking childseat in her car? Somebody? Anybody? Please? (Whining) Can you further explain to me because I'm having a super hard time at comprehending, how this trick can, in clear conscious put her child on her lap and drive? Not only is the baby not restrained, but neither is, but her passenger IS. He too is a f*cking moron because if he's supposed to be her bodyguard, how the f*ck is he doing his job if neither of them are restrained? I know if I rode my baby on my lap with neither her nor I restrained, local and state authorities would have my ass hemmed up in the station pressing every child endangerment charge on me and they'd have my baby bouncing of the knee of some case worker who's preparing to put my baby in foster care. WHAT THE F*CK???? I am so damned confused, angry, and downright f*cking disguested.

If, as they say, a picture speaks volumes, these pictures can house a library. I'm done!

Common sense is NOT common!

In my other life (military), I find myself lost between sense and nonsense. From the moment I drive through onto the base, I check my sanity and good sense at the gate and continue to my work location. Once there, I grant hasty greetings to those in my path and go directly to my office and change. I take huge cleansing breaths and try to imagine that the day with pass with minimal incident and that I won't lose all military bearing and reach across the counter and beat the life out of someone on the other side. Why? Because people take me there. Let me give you an example of things I'm faced with.

Scenario...PITA (PainInTheAss) comes in and orders a new uniform.

PITA: "I need to order a new uniform. Do you know when they'll be in?"

ME: "Okay, they should be in by next drill. You have to turn in your old ones in order to pick up the new ones."

PITA: "Okay."

The month passes and PITA comes in.

PITA: "I got an email that says I have clothing to pick up, but I don't know what I ordered. What was it again?"

My face converts from pleasant to annoyance. Keep in mind only a month has elapsed. In some instances, it's a matter of a few weeks. I take a deep breath, censor my response, and proceed.

ME: "You ordered a winter weight uniform."

PITA: "Oh! Okay. Can I get them?"

(Keep in mind what I told him before..."you have to turn in your old ones for the new ones") I let a huge, exaspertated sigh, again censor my reponse, and reply.

ME: "No. I told you last month that you have to turn in the old ones before you can get the new ones. If you'd like you can strip the shirt you have on, go in the fitting room, and take the new ones for the ones you have on."

PITA looks at me like I've taken full leave of my faculties.

PITA: "No, I'll just come back for them tomorrow."

ME: "Okay. Remember to strip the jacket of all the patches."

PITA: "Everything?"

ME: "EVERYTHING."

Sunday comes and PITA calls to ask if the shop is open. (It's 7:30am). I tell him the hours of operation have not change and we open and we'd be open from 8:00 until Noon. Now, this is something that really pisses me off and confirms that common sense is NOT or ever will be common. In fact, it's so damn elusive that the FBI, CIA, and any other acronym based federal agency should go looking for it. Anyway, back to my point. Our hours of operation is posted in red on glass; kinda makes it hard to miss wouldn't you say? Of course! In addition, the hours of operation haven't changed in hmm? Say 4-5 years! However, every stinking month, some moron calls and 1) asks when we're open and 2) or comes to the door and pulls on the door knob; all while reading the hours. All I can do is laugh to keep from crying because it saddens me to know that these same people have volunteered for the ultimate sacrifice of being in the military. Things that make you go "hmmm" right?

Okay, so PITA shows up at say 10:00 am with his uniform and hands it to me. I check it over and guess what? This lovely (real word censored) person has not completely stripped the jacket. I hand it back and in my blatantly sarcastic tone say,

"What's wrong with this picture and what part of you have to take everything off didn't you understand?"

PITA looks at me with and expression that reads "I can't believe this *itch is talking to me like this". I chuckle, let out my infamous sigh, and hand him a box cutter so he can take the remaining patches off his uniform. Meanwhile his buddies who found it necessary to escort him to my shop because he apparently couldn't do it alone (another thing that baffles me, but that's a blog for another day), began to heckle him. At that point, I have to walk away or I'll fall out in hysterical fits of laughter or respond to the censored voices in my head and say something I really shouldn't.

Finally PITA does what he's supposed to (take the patches off), hands me the uniform, and I give him the new one. Thinking I'm done with him, I turn my back and he asks me a question.

"So, if I want to order another uniform, is this what I have to do?"

At this point, the voices in my head win, and I can't control the words that leave my mouth.

"If common sense was as common as people say, you wouldn't have asked me that question and I certainly wouldn't need to respond."

And with that, I put one steel toe booted foot in front of the other and walked away leaving him with his obviously confused thoughts.