Random Rantings!

My adult ADD has kicked in once again, but this time it's actually in a funny state. The Phantom Pain is sedate (= manageable) right now, so I'll only mention it quickly as to not have it flare up into dire need for IV narcs state.

My day has been pretty uneventful for the most part, which for me is good considering I OD'd on sleep yesterday after suffering from scented oli inhalation. How did I do that pray tell? Well, it happened like this, I returned home from having picked up some bookshelves and a loveseat from a friend who's moving. I cooked some turkey bacon and the scent got into the vents. Not wanting the entire house smelling 'foody', I poured scented oil into the vents so that when the AC kicked on, that would be the smell. In the process of rearranging the room to accommodate the new furniture, I was near the vent; yes, the same vent loaded with the oil. It began to overwhelm me and triggered the makings of a migraine. Silly me ignored the triggers and pressed on. Some time later I ate dinner and sat in the seat which had one of those plug in air fresheners. BIG MISTAKE! That scent started kicking my head in and even though I unplugged it, it was too late. To make matters worse, I had a cocktail with dinner (it was good as hell too), so now I couldn't take my Rx for the migraine; I decided to lay down instead. Lo and behold, laying down turned into full-fledged sleeping until 1:00am. (time approx). Needless to say I was fully dressed (ick), but couldn't bring myself to undress, so I just went back to sleep until around 6:00 am.

I currently have the energy of a 3 y/o who skipped its meds. I acted as such during lunch with my friends who found my disposition rather amusing. That gave me the impression I've been rather moody lately. Well, if people would stop effin with me, then I wouldn't have a reason to be moody now would I? Exactly!

It's another scorcher outside and inside it still requires me to have a space heater on so I can balance the air. A coworker and I joked about having to dress like it's the winter as not to freeze to death. I still haven't figured that mess out, but I guess that's just not for me to know.

Another coworker made suggestive eye contact with me, which completely gave me the creeps. He was talking to me and another person who was standing outside my cube and the entire time eyeballed my legs as if he was having visual sex with me. It was sooo gross that I eased myself so my legs were completely under the desk. UGH! I'm glad I had a jacket on at the time cause the last thing I would have wanted would have been for him to eye my less than ample cleavage with appears larger due to the padded bra. Can I consitute what he did as sexual harrassment?

Well, I'm done with my rantings. I know this was nothing special, but hey it's like that sometimes.

Not my day, but better than yesterday

I knew today would be another doozy, so I was thankful that I turned in early last night and got more than 5 hours of sleep for the first time in...? Uhm, since June. Anyway, I forgot my 800mgs and was not happy, but settled for the OTC's in a more than the prescribed amount, and commenced with this day. I have a ritual I follow regardless of what my day is gonna be like and after reading comments, other blogs of notable interest (links are on my page), eating breakfast, and drinking my morning cuppa; I began my work. At first it was going relatively well until...until I had the misfortune of running into an issue that required speaking with my lead. Yeah, you guessed it, we had another incident. OTC's don't pack the same punch as the Rx kind, so I was in the less than 0-60 tolerance mode. No sooner I tried to explain the issue, he did his usual know-it-all bullshit comment of which I promptly shot down with my reply. "Can you just listen for once and NOT tell me how to do my job?" A coworker who's cube we were in had to turn her back as not to laugh her ass off. I then went on to tell him, "you're always making it seem like it's so easy to do something when in fact it's not. Things don't just magically happen." I then promptly walked away. My coworker arrived at my cube minutes later laughing and then told me she'd fussed him out no more than 15 mintues before I had. She too has to deal with him and knows the frustration his comments cause. We laughed for a moment and I went on with my day.

After much contemplation, I finally decided to take a much needed break and do what should come naturally; eat lunch. I settled for a sandwich from the resident cafeteria and when I returned, read the Wide Lawns; Narrow Minds blog, which did wonders for my previously stated foul mood. You have got to read this blog; it's great!

The afternoon dragged on and I popped a few more OTC's to endure the pain and be able to complete this wretched work for this freaking deadline. Oh, and if you're wondering why all the pill poppin, no, I'm not a junkie; it's to sedate the pain I blogged about a few days ago. Notice I said sedate, this pain is so gangsta that it only responds to IV narcotics. Rx & OTC drugs are merely a sugar coating. (I need a hug )

Enough of the mushy stuff...Just as I thought my day was gonna be over, I found a discrepency that wasn't previously caught and being the anal person I am where my work is concerned, I couldn't leave it alone. I ended up spending another 20 minutes to fix it. I swear I'm my own worst enemy sometimes. But the good thing is that I have finished the damn work and I can go home knowing that I put my best effort into it.

Overall, I managed to get through the day with less bullshit than yesterday and in a better mood. I've been craving wine, but unfortunately I can't indulge being that I've been popping pills like M&M's. So, whoever can drink, please pour a little out for your homey who can't drink. 'Preciate that.

Have a great one and hopefully, I'll have something interesting to blog about tomorrow. In fact I know I will; I have to work my part-time job tomorrow. Oh the freakin joy of working on my day off. (frowning)

Slides away from the pc to pack up and take my ass home.

Not my day!

Today was not a good day. I dropped off Big Buddy (my SUV) for his Dr's appt (service) this morning bright and early so he'd be ready on time...NOON! (please note the time). I returned to work by way of a coworker who'd nicely followed me so I would have a ride back. I eat breakfast, drank tea, read some blogs, popped a 800mg Rx strength ibuprophen, and preceeded to get on with my day. Knowing it was gonna be a mutha hubba, I entered into iPod land and zoned out. A couple hours later, I was greeted by my lead who promptly worked my )*%#)%*#)% nerves by telling me that I could accomplish my assigned task within the unrealistic time contraint that I have. My pain level on a scale of 1-10 was already at a 12 and he wasn't making matters any better. As I politely dissed him by telling him he hadn't a clue what he was talking about and that I would figure it out and get it done, I thought I might explode if he didn't evacuate my cube and let me be. My tolerance level was at an all time low and I was doing 0-60 in less than 2 seconds. All of this occurred while I anxiously waited for the damn 800mg to work.

By the time the pill finally sedated me (somewhat) and I'd gotten further along in my work, I noticed it was after 10:00 am and I hadn't received a call from the Dr regarding Big Buddy. I called. The service tech told me he only needed an diaper (oli) change and and not the full physical as I thought. I thanked her (she saved me $$) and hung up. Recalling that I needed him back by noon, I called again to see if he was ready. He was not! Remember the 0-60 seconds comment? Well, it was back and I was feeling like Danica Patrick. I promptly informed Miss Cavalier Attitude that there was a reason why I noted on the drop off envelope that I needed him back by NOON. Would you believe the dimwit said, "Oh, I didn't read what you wrote on the evelope." Dumb ass! Of course I told her that he was to be ready ASAP and she returned by saying, "I'll have to get someone to work through his lunch and it'll be done by 12:30". (They better had) To add insult to injury, she made it sound like it was my fault dude had to work through his lunch. Get the f*ck outta here! Like I gave a rat's ass. If she'd read the gottdamn envelope in the first freaking place, she'd have known and wouldn't had me talk to her like the first class twit she is. Needless to say I did get Big Buddy back by 12:30 and got the coupon price of $19.95 +tax for the service even though I forgot my coupon at home. Who the hell in their right mind was gonna argue with a woman in pain? Not anyone if sound mental accuities! I know the look in my eyes would have made Linda Blair in The Exorcist scared.

After that, I ate a slice of triple veggie pizza as if I'd been starved for a few days and returned to work. I immediately entered the iPod zone as to hold on to what little sanity I now had left. I spent the remainder of the afternoon engrossed in my work until 6:00pm. (12 hour days suck) I was a full-fledged whooped ass by the time I left the building. The drive was pretty stress free as there weren't that many cars on my route home. After eating a small dinner, taking a shower, drinking a cup of tea, and sharing this little ditty with all of you, I'm now taking my ass to bed. Yeah, I know it's early, but your girl is tired and could use a good night's sleep. The fact that I'll be working my other job on my day off affords me the right to retire as if I were a 4 year old with a school night bed time.

The sandman awaits...yawn!

Oxymorons

Have you ever wondered why an Express Line is called the Express Line when it's anything but that? Yeah, me too. How about the Emergency Room? Yeah, that got me too. It got me so good that I spent 6 hours in one the other night only to have to go back the next day to be there for another 7 hours. Needless to say I was one pissed off chic.

I humored myself at one point saying that I felt like I was on an episode of House (A FOX show about a egomanical, but very good Dr. and his team who spend the entire show poking and prodding the patient while they exhaust every possible cause of the phantom problem.)

To make matters worse, they still haven't figured out what the hell is wrong and I'm back where I started...going back to my initial Dr. Now ain't that a bitch? I feel like I went all the way around the mulberry bush for no good reason. Well, I guess ruling out appendicitis and any other problem was a good thing, but to still not know the cause of what sent me to the ER in the first place sucks really bad.

No cause for alarm though, I'm sure I'll get to the bottom of this soon enough. In the meantime, I'll continue to amuse you with whatever random madness I come up with.

Random Acts of Kindness

While in line for a show, my friend and I were complaining (mildly) to each other about the long line and how close wouldn't be able to get close to the stage. (We had General Admission tix for the show, which equals standing up). We accepted that we might be further back than we'd like, but it would be okay given that our tickets were comps anyway. As we continued to wait for our other friend to arrive, we were engaged in coversation by a woman who had comp tickets, but wasn't really sure if she wanted to see the show. Having never been to the venue before, she thought she'd give it a go.

We talked back and forth fussing over the delayed door opening and describing the venue set up. We told the lady we would show her how to get to her seat, but informed her we couldn't sit with her because our tickets wouldn't let us in the balcony. After checking out the place, the lady decided she didn't want to stay for the show and offered her tickets. We were both shocked as well as honored that the lady would do that for us. She said that we seemed like, "nice young ladies...and that we were very kind". We looked at each other in disbelief and accepted the woman's generous offer. We thanked her profously as we escorted her out of the venue. She told us she'd rather go back to the slots and told us to enjoy the show. We gave her our tickets of which she said she'd keep as souvenirs that she'd been to the venue.

As we were shown to our upgraded seats, my friend and I remarked on the woman's (Oh, she mentioned her name as Miss. Sheila Mae and was a school teacher in NYC) more than generous act of kindness.

In a day and age where being kind is often mistaken for a weakness or is seen as wanting something in return; it was apparent that that wasn't Miss. Sheila Mae's intention. Her random act of kindness reaffirmed that there is still some goodness in this otherwise brutal world and that it does pay to be kind to people. Blessings come large or small and mostly when least expected!

Give thanks!

Need I say more?

My ADD has not resurfaced (thank goodness), so I thought I'd post while the getting was good. I had no idea what I wanted to talk about today until I opened my planner and came across the following quote.

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting."

--e.e. cummings

Fight the good fight my friends or we'll all be changing our names to Sybil (Simon for the guys), and find we're responding all to frequently to the voices in our heads. If not that, we'll all be POWs emerging from life's battlefield.

Mental Health Break

I'm sitting at my desk freezing! It feels like they have the air conditioning set on Alaska; meanwhile it's damn near 100 degrees outside. Okay, so I understand why the AC is necessary, but damn; does it need to be that cold? I have my space heater on as well as a jacket in order to not feel like I'm getting frostbite. Then they wonder why women are frigid? (LMAO!) Sorry for that; couldn't resist the dry humor. It's an English thing...ctfu!!!!

Anyway, I'm working through a pretty mundane and uneventful day. My adult ADD is in full effect, I have a self-imposed deadline, and the battle for which will be the victor has me exhausted. I figured I'd relieve myself and take a little break to relax, warm up, and take my mind of the myriad of things that have me distracted. Too bad I can't drink at the desk, because a Bombay Sapphire (gin) Appletini would be great right now.

There's this great site, www.bemine.com, which is essentially an e-card site, but it does have a lot of other information too. Well, I decided to go there, click onto Secret Place and find a place to vacate to. I found this cute little cabin, put my bathing suit on, and commenced to getting my chill on.
With my iPod playing all the tunes I wanted to hear, I lapsed into a temporary vegetative state. It was great, save for knowing that it would only be a short one. That damned self-imposed deadline!

Now that I'm back to reality, I thought I'd share my vacation picture with you. Nice huh? Well, you have the link, so go check it out and pick your own little get away.

Remember you have to read through the minutia to find the Secret Place link, but I assure you it's worth it.

Stepping Out

I'm sure you're all wondering if this blog will be angst infused, but I'm happy to inform you it will NOT be. I've since exorcised all demon and am ready to take on another week. Although I know I'll be faced with many unknowns, the one known I can rely on is that whatever I'm faced with can only affect me for as long as I allow it. With that thought in mind, I guess I'm back to my usual state of being and will march on.

I don't know if any of you know that there is a professional women's football association. It's on the same level as the WNBA, but it doesn't seem to have generated the same following as women's basketball. I'm actually not a football fan, well, not American football anyway. (You all know I'm English...lol) But I have found myself interested in women's football. It's mainly because a good friend's daughter plays for the DC Divas and they have dominated the league by winning the championship and making it to the playoffs. Check out their website for additional information. www.dcdivas.com. The team consists of doctors, lawyers, firewomen, police; you name it. They play in full gear as men, but I think their field is a little smaller; however, I don't recommend underestimating them though. They are very impressive and could probably give some men a run for their money.

The season will end July 22 as the DC Divas take on the Columbus Comets. Unfortunately, my friend's daughter will be unable to play due to a broken arm, but I'm hoping that the Divas will remain undefeated and take home the playoff trophy.

I think it's impressive that women are doing things to prevent themselves from being defined by unrealistic societal standards or by chauvinistic standards. I do still uphold some traditional values such as cooking (can't think of many others at the moment), but not being limited to someone else's view of how a woman should be is great. I think the women who are playing football are trailblazers. Danica Patrick is another fine example of women stepping out of the box http://www.danicaracing.com/. Let's teach our daughters; in fact all women, that they can be more than a societal dictation.

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

Okay, who the hell came up with that damn expression? $100 to anyone who can answer that for me. That expression is one of the biggest crocks of shit I've heard and I've heard a lot of dumb shit in my life. Why the rage? I guess it's partly residual effects of my being pissed off yesterday and for me wanting to close the chapter on something/one stressful in my life.

But back to the title. I think parting can be one of the best things that could happen. If someone was in your life that was toxic, wouldn't you want them gone? If something was more drama than its worth, wouldn't you want to be done with it? Wouldn't you be happy that you finally got rid of them? Yeah, of course you would, so that there is proof that parting is not sweet sorrow. Okay, maybe a part of you wishes it didn't have to come down to such a terminal outcome, but c'mon it was for the best. Normally, I'm the one who looks for the silver lining in hopes of some level of compromise, but to hell with that shit anymore. I'm currently of the mindset that sprinkling sugar on shit and calling it candy just makes for sugar coated shit any way you slice it; I just don't have the time or patience for that anymore. I've spent too many wasted years invested in people who were counter productive and I was always in the deficit while dealing with them; uh, not anymore. When I see signs, I'm taking notice and not making excuses for them or whatever they've done. I'm confronting things head on and will deal with it accordingly. If, in the process, it means terminating that person from my life, it'll just have to be collateral damage.

I think parting can be a liberating and wonderful experience. A little sad it ended maybe, but being sorrowful, ah the hell with that. Life is too short and I need to go find some goodness in this otherwise crazy world.

Negative Energy

Yes, once again, someone has managed to piss me the hell off. I've calmed down greatly since I first attempted to write this because had I not, I might have faced FCC fines. Knowing I only make minimum wage (okay, that' s a lie, but I do need some humor to maintain my sanity), I need my damn paychecks. Anyway, without further bantering, I'll get to the point.

If we could utilize the negative energy that people create, we would never have to worry about conservation. In our daily lives we all come in contact with someone who produces negative energy; enough of it to spark spontaneous combustion. No, I'm not talking about farting either! Now, I have to be fair and say that I too have been a contributor to creating negative energy; however, upon realizing I'm being counter productive, I've made strides to rectify myself. That aside, what I really want to know is why do people expend that much time being that way? What do they have to gain by constantly fueling negativity, unnecessary fires, or being a pain in the ass? Are their lives that miserable that they take pleasure in making others miserable too? Maybe the saying, "misery loves company" is in fact true. Personally, I have no use for that kind of energy nor do I have that much time to be that non productive. In speaking with a friend, she told me of someone she came in contact with who started out being a nice person and slowly became someone she barely recognized. His words and deeds did not coincide and he wreaked havoc in her life; enough to make her think there was something wrong with her. So much for being a nice guy right?! During the conversation, we collectively came up with the same conclusion...how in the hell do people have that much time and energy to be that mean and destructive? She told me she read something on narcissistic behavior and she wondered if the person was writing about her former friend. We ended our conversation on a friendly and positive note; concluding that trials are the birth of triumphs. (love ya girl for sharing and your insight)

That being said, I do still wonder what makes people tick. Maybe that's why there's so much money to be made in psychiatry...people are fucking crazy! No, I'm not talking metaphorically, I mean, real unadulterated crazy. One would have to be, to revert to meanness, lack of creative energy, and hurting people as their mode of living.

I watched Monsters, Inc., where the monsters used the screams of small children as energy until it was realized that they could create the same effect, but by using laughter. Now, if that can be determined in a fictional children's movie, why can't we as adults do the same? (Rhetorical of course!) It's become more than sickening to me that grown folk are still acting like grade school kids. I find myself asking, "why, why, why?" all too often. If something is said or done to someone and it can't be resolved, then it's best to leave each other the fuck alone. Or if you realize you can't have your way, then walk away and leave other people alone. Whatever the deal is, get the fuck over it. Use the energy that's being expended on the bullshit for something functional.

As not to revert to my earlier disposition, I'll end now. This is actually something that's been on my mind for some time and today it all came to a head. I take solace in knowing that the people I've spoken to (prior to today) share what I'm saying and that I'm really not alone in my thinking. I know I'm stupid at times and make mistakes, but I'm not crazy and I take additional comfort in knowing that the energy I put into the universe is at least productive.

Thank you and good day.

I hate stupid people!

Okay, so I'm a little pissed off. Why? Because people never cease to amaze me with how stupid they are. What's worse than being surrounded by stupidity? Knowing there's nothing I can do about. Short of wiping them off the planet, which is illegal in all 50 states (dammit!!!), I'm then left to endure their frivolous existence and make excuses for them. Why the ranting? Well, since you wanna know, I'm gonna tell you.

So, it started off with realizing that I too was stupid. GASP!! Yes, I know it's hard to believe, but hey, even I have been known to do a dumb act. Fortunately for me, knowing I did something dumb solves half the problem and therefore excuses my momentary lapse in sensibility. That established, I'll go on with this rant.

I work with some of the dumbest mutha-effas I've ever come in contact with and the sad thing is these fools make a lot of damn money in the process. I work with someone who has no concept of what I do and how much work it actually entails. To him, it's something that can be accomplished fast and flawlessly. What a freaking joke! Anyone with any good sense, knows that's impossible. Oh, but in the world according to him, it's not only conceiveable, it's achievable. Mind you, this is coming from someone with a technical background in software and not what I do...documentation; an area of work that is laden with unforeseen problems no matter how good the specialist is. On more occasions that I can currently count, I've had to resist the urge to draw back my rather large hand and bitch slap; no better yet, pimp slap this fool. Yeah, it was that serious. Being the smarter of the two of us, I was forced to refrain because I naturally would have been at fault and Lord knows a sista needs her check. (Why couldn't I be rich instead of beautiful?) What truly amazes me is that it's always the ones who know the least think they know the most and worst yet are put in leadership positions. What the eff is up with that??! Hell, look at our current White House and you'll have a clear example of what I mean. UGH!

Anywiz, this is only a small sample of the levels of stupidity that I'm exposed to. If I had to detail more, I'd never get away from this pc and I don't think any of you are ready for a BluJewel rantathon. While I know it would be down right freaking hilarious, I'll spare you and myself from being exposed to more morons than necessary. I'm sure you can all relate to what I'm saying and if you can't, then YOU TOO ARE AN EFFIN MORON!!!!!!!!

Age appropriate

As a woman at the high end of her 30s, I've often wondered if how I dress is considered age appropriate. I do not wear things that are grossly indicative of a grown ass woman trying to maintain her youth because that is truly, truly not age appropriate; however, I'm proud to have maintained a good figure, so I wear what tastfeully fits. Many people believe that once you reach a certain age, you should stop wearing certain types/styles of clothing because it's not appropriate. Now, as I stated, I am at the high end of my 30s; however, I could easily pass for being younger. That being said, I do not use that as an excuse to wear coothie-cutter shorts, high mid drift shirts, or other articles of clothing that will spark indecent proposals. (Though they can occur regardless of what one is wearing). I do still wear mini skirts, low rise jeans, fitted clothing, and some tops that expose my navel. I believe I'm well within my rights to do that. Why? Aside from the fact that I can; I have the body to do that. Again, I do not wear anything I find truly inappropriate, but if (as I have) worked to maintain d good physical fitness, then I should be (and do) be able to wear what the hell I want.

What I want to know is who dictates at what age one should change their style of dress? I'm partly inclined to think that it's those who can not wear certain styles of clothing so they're hating on those of us who can. The other part of me says, we live in a country were looks before brains is the norm, so there are millions of people having plastic surgery, on lifelong diets, and following every new nutritional fad in order to maintain their youth. Personally, I don't have that much time or energy. Health and fitness to me is a dedication to myself that I want to live a healthy and prosperous life so I eat well, exercise (when I'm not being lazy), and be comfortable in the body I dwell in. If that includes wearing mini skirts and such, then so be it. If I look good, feel good, then I'm damn sure gonna flaunt it. No, I'm not gonna act like some two-bit hootchie, I do have a daughter to think about. And who by the way, likes how I dress and has on some occasions picked my clothes. However, my age should not and will not dictate what I should wear. I pride myself on the fact that I have a better body than many teens I see wearing clothes that they should not have even tried on much less purchased, and I take pride in knowing that I can still fit an outfit that I've had since the 10th grade. Ha!

I do concede that there are many men and women in my age category that are going too damn far with how they dress and know damn well that their asses should be apprehended by the fashion police and put on house arrest until they get a fashion makeover. LMAO because I know I've written many a citation out in my head.

All in all, age should not be indicative of who one should dress, but time and place, and physical appearances should be considered. Tina Turner can rock a mini skirt better than I can, that's what I call having it and flaunting it. Rock on Tina cause you're my inspiration to do the same now and forever more.

Watch me as I sashay away in my mini skirt....

Where's the love????

Aiight people, what the )*$)^*$)*^????? You all know I'm a writer and I know you all LOVE what I write, so why the hell aren't you leaving comments? Huh? Huh? I mean come on already!!! It's not easy... well sometimes it is; to pour my heart out and hope that someone will comment on what I say. If this is the sign of things to come, then I have no faith that any of you (the regulars know who they are) will buy my published work if you won't read and comment on what I give you for free. So much for support! Sheesh! Y'all doing me dirty and I don't appreciate it. Yeah, I know you get busy, but a part of what I write it to take the monotony out of your day and provide some humor or give you something else to think about. I've even gone as far as to provide a nice little teaser (The SaPhyre Lounge link on the far right) of my real writing skills and save for a couple of people, no one reads it or comments on it. (sniff)

Those of you who read and comment, this blog is NOT for you, but for those of you who read and DON'T comment, I suggest you start. It's very easy. Click on comment at the end of the blog, choose other, then type your name, nickname, or whatever you go by, and then click publish comment and it's a wrap. And for those daring enough, I've provided some additional links to some of my favorite sites for you to check out.

If you're offended by this blog, don't be; I'm the one who should be /is offended.

I'm done...grabbing a box of tissues and going to the couch to cry my heart out.

Independence Day

As I listen to the sound of fireworks erupting and exploding outside my window many things come to mind, but none of them have a thing to do with the actual meaning of Independence Day. In fact, I've given no thought to the day other than it being a holiday; a paid day off from work is pretty much all it means to me. I know to some, what I'm saying borders on anti-American speech, but if you're honest with yourself, you know you don't give a rat's ass about it's meaning either. The majority of us only see July 4th as a paid day off and a chance to have a cook out or some other gathering.

So, here's my thought on Independence Day. Seeing as most of us couldn't care less about the historical meaning or its symbolism, I challege you to give the day a new meaning. Here's what I think...I think you could use it as a day to free yourself from something or someone that is holding you back. Use Independence Day to be just that...INDEPENDENCE DAY! Make it a day where you demonstrate your own personal independence. Use Indpependence Day to do something out of the ordinary; something you might not otherwise do. There are so many things that we can choose from, so go for it. Take a stand for yourself. From the moment we're born we breath to die metaphorically or literally. So, if this day will set apart from any other day, make it the day were you actually take a breathe of life and live a little. Make your own fireworks; spark some color and explode for yourself. Make some noise and be a bright beam of light that will shine for a while.

Steps away from the pc in order to make a loud noise and create some explosive color.