So, in 23 days I'll embark on my new year. I won't disclose exactly how old I'll be, but I'm tipping the high end of my 30's. No, I'm certainly not ashamed of how old I am; in fact, I'm rather pleased and more so pleased that I don't look it. (bows and claps to my family for passing on such good DNA). Okay, enough accolades!
Since my post (20 days ago), I've done a lot of housekeeping and it looks like I'm going to have a lot of space in my life come September 13th. The literal closets are already a lot cleaner and clearer than before and the metaphoric ones are becoming more roomy too. People are (in neon lights) showing their true colors and showing me what I've allowed myself to be blinded by. The excuses I've made will be silenced and unfortunately some friendships, relationships, and people will no longer be held in the same regard as they once were. While I'm not ready or trying to embark on making any new friends, I won't rule it out though. Things and people are as seasonal as Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter; hot, cold, etc., you get where I'm going with this. It hurts that some of the changes will have to be so dramatic, but it is what it is. I've tried and I'm getting tied of it all.
With that said, I will acknowlege some positive changes that have occured and I'm more than pleased with them. My Phantom Pain is no longer phantom and I know (finally) what is going on in my body. The weight I thought I gained was minimal and I'm holding down the weight I was almost 20 years ago. How cool is that!? I'm less reluctant as I once was about my teenage daughter growing up (refer to Growing Pains) and we're embracing the changes together; and quite well I might add. My ambivalent feelings toward my job are more focused now and I feel motivated again. One of my fave improvements is that I can code so much better than I ever thought I could. (The lil lady will be impressed though she might not admit it...lol)
I told you I'd keep you posted as the time marches on and I have. I'm sure there'll be more to add later and I will tell you about it then.
'Preciate all the love, support, and interest. (muah!)
4 comments:
I am very happy for you. Ironically, I was forced to do some unexpected "house cleaning" today. It looks the highly possible end of a 12 yr stint with someone who has been like a brother and bestfriend to me. He is or was someone I could tell anything and trust with almost anything. So I can honestly say that I feel your pain. And I hope to see the light at the end of the tunnel sometime soon.
Blu, this is an interesting update and I hope whatever and whomever you need to make changes on and with makes for a wonderful new year for you. I read back over some of your previous blogs and you seem like a really nice lady, so don't feel bad if the changes -even the drastic ones have to be made. It seems like everyone agrees that we have to live our lives a stress free as possible, so it's all you girl. Congrats on all the good stuff too. That's good to hear.
Man, that's some messed up shit Rayne. I hope y'all can work out the issues so you can get back on track.
I'm learning more and more that people don't appreciate who they have and what they have in their lives and they need to get right. Me included. I watched that HBO special about Katrina last night and it reminded me just how precious life is and how short it really is. I think we all need to look at ourselves and our lives and the people in it and try to do better. We need to love and live better or we'll look back and say WTF? I ain't perfect, but I do try to man up when things ain't right. I guess I gotta clean a couple closets too...
Your post on Nikki's blog caught my attention Ms. Selfless, so I decided to approach you from afar. Come to my blog, maybe we can get to know each other thru writing... Have a grand day!
Hello Blujewel,
I saw you over at Windscreen Fly's personal blog so I've come to say hello. I too, am a writer.
Sounds like a time for self-reflection. I do the same when it gets close to a birthay.
Also, I love your animated gifs.
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