Forward march....

I wrote this to post yesterday, but had already posted, so the depth of the content remains the same; the delivery is a day off...

The past is over and done and has no power over me. I can begin to be free in this moment. Today's thoughts create my future. I am in charge. I now take my own power back. I am safe and I am free. – Louise L. Hay

We’ve all been through a negative experience or experiences that have grown roots and planted themselves deep within our psyche and as much as we’ve wanted to put them behind us; we couldn’t.

In speaking with my blog sister this morning, we spoke of things that we held inside because we were ashamed, hurt, or disappointed by the experience or event. We spoke in depth about how that “thing” became such a part of us that it was almost as if it was an appendage in some way. In talking about our respective “thing”, we agreed that if not for Divine intervention, reconciling with the “thing”, ultimately learning to heal and move on that we have each gain control of our lives. We’ve learned that bad things are going to happen and it’s how we deal with it that is important. We agreed that with each step forward, we’re erasing a little bit more of the pain and allowing the goodness to come in and for blessings to take place. By relinquishing that “thing” that seemed to hold us captive, we’ve blossomed into beautiful flowers instead of seeing ourselves as weeds in an untended garden.

Our conversation grew into a full-fledged remission of the pain, guilt, frustration, and hiding that we’d placed on ourselves and our hearts. We released the so-called shame or stigma that was attached by ourselves or others for the experience we’d had. We spoke of growth and maturity and how the past cannot and will not define our respective futures or allow us to be held in mental or emotional bondage. We further discussed and agreed that by not speaking of the “thing” or trying to ignore the “thing” we were allowing it to maintain control and keep us from being the strong women we claim ourselves to be.

By openly acknowledging that our respective “thing” was a part of our lives makes it easier for the door to on it to be closed and remained closed instead of going through the revolving door of emotional dizziness. Our vision and thoughts become clearer; growth becomes easier, and the future is seen as an endless journey into newness, growth, and possibilities. The cynicism is reduced and the willingness to move one becomes something to look forward to. While there will be days when the cloud will surely manifest itself, it’s ability to stay and steal our joy is greatly reduced because we’re now armed with the tools to deal with it. The strength to endure, the power to overcome, faith to keep going willingly is the wind beneath our wings to help us rise and soar.

As an abuse survivor, I feel blessed that I’m now in a place in my life where speaking about it actually helps and not hurt. I do still have moments where I’m sad or something triggers a memory, but now that I’m stronger and more aware of myself, I can handle it better. I can reach out to someone who shares my story and together we can get through it. The things that happened to me held me hostage for a long time and played a major role in the demise of my true self and some of my relationships. I’m not solely to blame as the men I chose were damaged (for lack of a better word) in their own way and weren’t able to work with me, so they worked against me. I used to think it was all my fault, but again, with growth, healing, and not allowing my past to define my future; I know I’m in a better place now. I’ve grown to better love and appreciate myself instead of seeing myself as damaged goods or less than love-worthy. I know I’m not flawless, and won’t allow myself to be demeaned by words that compromise the wealth of goodness that the Lord has blessed me to be. I try to compliment myself for my good traits while tending to the things that need work. Seeing as I’ve only been doing this for a few years now with a few hiccups in between, this is all still work in progress. The most important part of it is that I’m moving FORWARD. The steps may not always be big ones, but as long as I’m taking them, I’m good. Sometime in the future whenever the good Lord sees fit, He’ll bless me with someone who can and will love me for me and the women I’ve become; and if the need arises and I have to share my past, it will be seen as the positive and not negative equation in forming the beautiful, wonderful, and uniquely special person I’ve become.

Thanks blog sis for our “phone church” and for giving me the inspiration to relax, relate, and release today.

Love!

The following is taken from Until Today! Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind – Inyala Vanzant.

June 11

I am willing to forgive myself…for all of the time I have refused to follow Divine Orders.

Pssst! Come closer. This is a message for you. It is a message intended to make you feel better about yourself. It is a message from the angles and the good spirits of life. The angles and good spirits of life are asking that you, STOP BEATING UP ON YOURSRLF FOR WHAT YOU ARE DOING OR NOT DOING! In other words, they don’t like it. They are also aware that it doesn’t make you feel too good either!

The angels and the good spirits of life have heard the things you have said to yourself and about yourself. They are simply appalled! They know that you could have, you would have. They know that when you can, you will. The angels and the good spirits of like would help you, if you would allow them to. They also understand that when you feel bad enough you will ask for help. It doesn’t have to be that way, but the angels and good spirits are aware that you have a few trust issues that require healing. In the meantime, they have issued a Divine Order that you cease and desist all forms of self-criticism, self-judgment, self-flagellation, self-punishment and self-destructive behavior. The angles and the good spirits of life forgive you for partaking in such self-dishonoring behavior in the past. Now they want you to forgive yourself and stop it!

Until today, you have spent a good portion of your day beating up on yourself for all the things you did not do to your satisfaction. Just for today, forgive yourself for the way you have treated yourself.

Today I am devoted to following the Divine Order to cease and desist all forms for self-criticism and self-judgment.