What is your reflection?

1 Tim. 4:12 says, "Be an example in believers of the word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity."

As I've gone through the many trials and triumphs of life, I always make a point to give credit where credit is due even if the person may have harmed me in some way? Why? Because there is a lesson learned in every experience and in spite of someone's perceived bad, they still possess some inherent good.

In spite of some extremely questionable parenting, my mother is an incredibly strong woman and has shown me how to be a strong, independent, and self-sufficient woman. Like her, I can do many things that most would consider 'manly' tasks, but for her; and now me, if it needs to be done, then just do it. She's endured much and continues to forge on through. While that part of her taught me some bad lessons of endurance, it's also shown me that one must find their way and never stop moving.

My father is another questionable character; however, he has a very strong work ethic and is punctual. These are two traits that I can say I like about him and that I have inherited.

There are others who've led by example whom have touched my life in immeasurable ways and to each of them I say thank you as you've molded me into the woman I am today.

Now to my overall point...

Since September, I've been mentoring my cousin who was in dire need of a life transformation. I've helped get her back on her spiritual path and we pray daily and share the word. I've shown her that there is a big difference in shedding your clothes and shedding your soul. She's learning that a quick temper isn't always the best way to handle a problem and that words can be like pointing a loaded gun at someone.

Through my lead/example, she's seeing there is so much more to life and love than what she'd been doing and settling for. Almost daily, she thanks me for taking the time to talk to her and with her; instead of about her as some of the family has done. No one took the time to see past the wall she'd erected to get to know the wounded little girl that lived on the other side. Given that I see so much of myself in her, it was easy to not be fooled by the smile and party girl ways she portrayed.

I walk with her as her cousin, friend, and mentor because everyone needs modeling. None of us are too young or old to learn and grow. We can not expect people to just know things. If we've come through the flames, it's in our best interest to raise up those who are following behind us. Each one; teach one, should not be a catch phrase.

The learning lesson for today is: A good example has more value than good advice.

We can all talk the talk, but are we walking the walk? Today, I challenge you to look within yourself and see if you're reflecting your true self. Look deep and see if you're an example someone should be following. I further challenge you to; if you're not already, find someone to mentor and bless them with the tools and resources they'll need to make it.

Have a blessed day.


It's all possible!

Open Letter #3 - A Day Late!

So, this morning, just as I pulled into my church's parking lot I received a call from The He that I posted about in Open Letter #2. I'm thinking his timing couldn't be any worse, but I answered the call anyway.

He was very sterile in his tone and said he "needed" to speak with me. After instructing him to do go ahead, I listened to his words and once he was finished, I simply said, "you do whatever you need to do, I've always told you that"; politely ended the call and went into what was the most amazing and when I tell you amazing services; I'm still doing it no justice. I digress because I didn't bring you all here to tell you that.

Anyway, The He rambled on about how he needs to take time to get his life right blah, blah, and yada, yada and said that while he was going through whatever processes he needs to, he wouldn't be contacting me. And? It's not like he was making any major contributions to my life anyway. Little did he know that I was already steps ahead on him in that department. Given that I'd written Open Letter #2 on Dec 9th, his sudden revelation was of no surprise or consequence to me; maybe that's why I didn't send it in the first place.

Whether The He realizes it or not, I have the spirit of discernment and while I once put it on the curb and drove away from it like I was abandoning an unwanted puppy, I've since gone back for it and use it wisely and use it well. My spirit had already prepared me for this day and I was neither shocked nor surprised why the words of his call. I know this man better than he obviously knows himself and I didn't need to react in any way other than the way I did.

You see, when you've come to a place of peace and contentment with yourself and your life, there isn't much that can disrupt that. I pray my strength in the Lord daily and His words and the manifestation of them keep me shrouded in a warm cloak of spiritual protection. I truly believe that no weapon formed against me shall prosper. I know the truth of the words, "Blessed is he when man shall revile you and speak all manner of evil against you falsely". I've overcome far worse than The He saying he's taking "time out" from our friendship. Whatever! (Said, in my Becky voice)

I actually rejoice in that fact that I know I'd given my all as a friend and sometimes a lover to him for 14.5 years (the lover part not served concurrently), so for him to not want to include me in his life for now or forever is no big deal.

The man that I'm supposed to be with with come. I'm free and open to receive that and now more than ever, I know this to be true. I am more than happy; I'm elated! I'm free from any and all emotional bondage and there is not a damn thing anyone can do to me from hence forth that I haven't already had happen. As I said, I know from whence my strength comes.

Today's sermon came from Ephesians 3:14-21 for any of you who read the word. Not only did the scripture strengthen me, the way it was delivered fed my soul and I know that I am exceedingly abundantly good and in a wonderful place in my life.

So, in closing I can say, "you're a day late and $100 dollars short babe, because as always, I'm one step ahead. Blessings to you and your life and may the journey you're on give you the clarity you seek and may you one day finally be at peace."

Readers, I wish you all a fabulous day and may your week ahead be filled exceedingly abundantly well.


It's all possible!

Open Letter #1 - Dear Self

Dear Self:

You've come from the valleys to the mountains peak and there is no turning back. You have overcome so much and your are a shining example of God's grace, favour and mercy for those who remain vigilant and faithful. You are the victory as are no longer a victim and every trial you faced, you found a triumph in it. No lesson; no matter how ugly or painful was a bad one as you learned from it and walked away with clarity and understanding.

You've embraced life and live it to it's full potential. You are a role model for those who need one and you pride yourself in your spiritual walk as you know it's the best path to be on. While you may trip or stagger; heck, you may even fall, but as long as you get back up and continue to ask Father to bless and keep you, your bruises will not last.

You are a whole, complete, and sustained woman who knows her place in this world and knows that everything done with purpose and intent on a foundation of love will flourish.

You will receive your reward and rejoice loudly and proudly with those who walk with you, hold you up when you're down, and support you. This year you will receive love in it's right form. You will be with someone who'll appreciate the woman you are and encourage you to continue to bloom in your garden of life.

Each and everyday you will seek and find the good knowing that the only reason why life is complicated is because people make it that way. You will be a part of solutions and not situations and your beauty shall continue to shine from within as that's where Father's light lives.

I love you; encourage you; cherish you; and will always take care of you.

Live this life well my dear as there is no encore.


It's all possible!

On loving ourselves

The following was borne of something I wrote to a friend. Some parts have been removed as it was directed toward her; however the story could relate to any one of us.

Your own dysfunctional relationship with your mother made it subconsciously easy for you to overcompensate for her shortcomings by being 1) an excellent mother yourself and 2) your desire to mother others and shelter them from harm. This ideology is in fact quite harmful as it subjects you both to a relationship that is ill-balanced and it compensates one dysfunction for another.

"We create a space for healing when we exercise the courage to look at how our own anger and resentment make us withhold love and behave badly".^p134

Although he can say he loves you, his actions are not affirmations of said love. He fails to see that fueling power of his emotions is anger based and while he is actually capable of giving love; there's a fine line between his anger and his love. His verbal love is short lived when something disrupts his perceived comfort zone. And the fact that his life has been centered around you; with little or no personal/social outlets that his for/about him, it makes it even easier for angry outbursts to occur. The role of alcohol in his life will also fuel the pre-existing fire that resides within.

"It's easy to fall into the trap of depending on others for the love, understanding, and admiration we all crave, rather than creating them in our relationship with ourself, and brining the joy in self-fulfillment to our partnerships. When joy is missing in our life, it's missing in our relationships, in our homes, and communities".^p135

It's on this premise that he resides. He seeks what he lacks within himself in and from you. He puts you on a pedestal and showers you with what he is should be giving to himself. His lack of self love and trust gets over compensated in the relationship and when you demonstrate your independence; it disrupts his world, and because he thought that you should return in kind; is now compromised. He feels that because he has made you his personal trophy that you should likewise to do the same. This is a classic mode of operation for a hurt soul.

"Even when parents and partners do terrible things, they are just trying in unskillful ways to make their lives work". ^P135

And it's in this vein that he must seek to improve his life/circumstances or he will always be in a perpetual state of discourse and cause said discourse in the lives of those they claim to love.

"Not every couple that gets together is meant to stay together. When you're not where God wants you to be, life shakes you up so you'll move to a better place". ^P135

It's at that point of discovery when the leaving party must assess themselves to see what, when, why, and how there are finding themselves in relationships that follow a repeated or repeatable negative pattern. This tends to be a hard concept to many to accept that fact/knowledge even when we know without a shadow of doubt it's true. We still strive to find some shred of evidence that says we should find a way to keep this person in our life. While this is a noble concept; it's still a self-deluding one. When we refuse to let someone go, we're not only holding ourself back, we're holding the other back too because we're putting a road block in an essential growth element in both parties development. . "Growth mean change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown" ^{The Shack} To many are afraid of the unknown to venture out; however without this risk, there will be little or no room for growth and the opportunity for change is greatly reduced; thus, leaving you in the same crippled mind frame.

For love; real love of self before another to manifest, a thorough cleansing and healing must occur. "broken humans center their lives around things that seem good to them but will neither fill them nor free them."
^{The Shack}

Relationships; good or bad are an intricate part of the journey we take in life and for many; we all seek to love and be loved; however, when we lack the proper tools to do so, we fail miserably. We all imagine ourselves to be whole and able; however, it's what we do and not always what we say that tells the real story.

"We may be masterful at deceiving ourselves, but in all intimate interaction the unresolved feeling and fears we may have buried will surface".^p137

A spiritual relationship must become an intrinsic part of one's journey to true awareness and wholeness. The Divine created us; it's at the core of us and it's through that relationship that we will have a real idea and connection to what real love is. We have to trust in Divine Love in order to establish Loves Divine. Reaching deep within and offering oneself to the source of love establishes faith and trust in The One who'll always be there to guide our path.

"Faith never knows where it is being led, but it knows and loves the One who is leading" ^{The Shack}

"For something to move from death to life, you must introduce something living and moving into the mix". ^{The Shack}

If this sacred interference does not occur, all past hurts (death) will always have more power/control over any living relationship and the love will never truly be love at all. The emotional demons must be excised from the recesses of our emotional core in order for the wellspring of love to thrive as a living entity.

"We're operating with negative feelings brought from another time and place, associated with a whole separate set of issues. We can't create anything good with leftovers from the past". ^P140

It's important to go back and address the issues of the past as it's the only way to prevent history from repeating itself; however, once that journey has been made, the past must be left very much in the past. The present is an extremely sacred and palatial place and can only be well-lived when the past's portal is closed. Progressive move to the present has to be self-lived. No one can make it happen for anyone else. Each person has to want his/her own loving environment and know not only how to create it, but to sustain it. Without the ability to love who we are, there is truly no way to love another. No one is responsible for our well-being but us.

"When we're sweet on ourselves; we're sweet on others. From an unhappy place, nothing satisfies. From a happy place, common sense prevails. We see clearly that we were born to love, not judge, and that it's not our job to fix anyone but ourselves". ^P140

NOTE: All page number references come from the book, All About Love, by Susan L. Taylor. The remaining references were taken from The Shack.

Love to live; live to love!

Gateways, portals, and other life exits/entrances!

I'm sure you've all heard the expression, "when one door closes; another one opens", but how many truly believe that? How many look for; or see that there is a blessing with the closing of one door and the anticipation of waiting for another to open? Honestly, I don't think many of us do. Many get immediately dispondent and think that the world as we know is going to come to an end.

It's a known fact, that God does not give us more than He knows we can handle and if we don't handle it, it's not His fault, but ours for having little faith in His word, comfort, and direction. In the many trials I've been through in my life, the one thing I never did was cry the blues or think "woe, is me". While I might not have been able to understand the trial as I was going through it, I never gave up on my faith that I'd come out on top; or at least through to the other side.

In the recent months, I've been the recipient of prayers answered and I realized it was because I allowed doors to both open and close. I realized that I must reconcile with things and people in order to complete the cirlcle and be the receiver of the blessing yet to be shown. There were doors that seemed like they'd be impossible to close and/or walk through; however, I did by remaining prayerful and faithful.

In a world where it's so easy to quit, blame others, or hide behind what seems comfortable, I know I can not be that person. I won't be ostrich like and bury my head in the sand, while claiming that the events in my life are a series of unfortunate acts. Every experience is a good experience as far as I'm concerned because all good is nothing without having the bad to appreciate it.

In a recent turn of events in my life, I rested on my gut instinct that what I was going through was in fact a blessing in disguise. In spite of the shock, I trusted that I would be okay and that I would be victorious. I allowed the door to close, took time to clear and ease my mind, body, and spirit, and now am reaady to walk through the opening door and receive all that is to come to me. The door wthat will now open for me will be filled with even more reward than I'd gotten previously and I'll be in a position to be and do more with myself and my life. So, to those who thought their way was better than His way, well, know that you can't box with God and His armour of protection remains steadfast around those who trust and believe in Him and His word. I give thanks and praise to my Heavenly Father for instilling His grace, mercy, and favor upon me.

With each day, I grow stronger in so many ways and I do not take anything for granted. As I prepare for my 41st year to end, I look back with happiness and gratitude for the doors that closed and those that opened for me. In review, I know that each one was a intrical part of continuing my growth. Over the course of the next 37 days, I will walk in and out of a few more doors and on the 38th day, I'll welcome in my new year; and will walk through that door with pride that I've made it one more year.

Love to live; live to love!

Thank You!

As I journey through another transition in my life, I continue to give honour, thanks, and praise to my heavenly Father. Even when I don't always know or understand the circumstances that seem out of my scope of comprehension, I trust in He that sustains me. I allow His righteousness and goodness to guide my path and rely on my faith to continue to carry me through. I've come too far to turn back now and I know that with each trial; there is an equal or greater triumph.

I truly believe that there is nothing I can't do without Him and whatever He has ordained in my life; it will come to pass. The Bible says, "you have not because you ask not...". Well, I have because I do ask and I do pray, and I do believe. I am forever grateful that there is someone in my life who'll be there night or day; good or bad; right or wrong. My way is His way as best I can because no matter what I am a sinner, but I am a saint each time I stand strong, seek forgiveness, and strive to be and do better. My life has been a series of opportunities missed and taken; however, the latter reigns supreme because I put God into what I do.

I am 49 days away from my next new year and as I am in the closing phase of my old year, I look back with pride as I see the growth; the increased potential; the improved confidence; the exacting of things I've proclaimed for myself; the spiritual wealth I've gained; and the happiness that manifests in my life. Love for myself; for my family/friends; for my life is infinite and I truly rest in the words that "no weapon formed against me shall prosper".

Each day I rise is another reason to celebrate. Each day I live is another reason to be thankful. Each day I can touch another life affirmatively means, I'm honouring Jesus' death for my salvation. Each day I can share His word, means my faith has multiplied. There is not a day that I am not grateful. There will not be a day where I will not give thanks.

With transition, comes the responsibility to utilize each and every experience and make your life count.

So, today I share my gratitude first and foremost with my heavenly Father and then to all those who are in my life and those who'll cross my path.

The following came from my Daily Word...

I am grateful!

Starting the day in gratitude, my first prayer is Thank You, God! I am grateful for beauty and love, for surprises and excitement, for friendship and community, and for the presence of God in all.

Even if I may be going through a challenging experience, I am grateful, for I know that good will come from it. Will I learn of inner strength that I didn't know I had? Will I gain a renewed appreciation for my life and the people in it?

I am grateful for my present circumstances, for I know they offer opportunities for growth. I thank God for the life I have been given and the life I am creating by seeing the good in all that comes before me.

"Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving."--Psalm 95:2

Live to love; love to live!

Not your garden variety P.M.S

A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with My Girl where we were discussing the heinous crime that exacts itself upon us roughly every 28 days. We fussed and complained, but then decided that we must accept it as a part of our nature and instead of cursing it, just let it be. We figured if we breathed negative energy into it, the worse it would feel month after month. Now, for me, my "monthly contribution" is short-lived; however, still rather discomforting and something I wish would just stop. I'm going through chemically induced menopause as a result of the medicine I take, but I'm still menstruating, so the conflicts my body goes through is nuts, but hey, that's why they created meds to control the Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder-PMDD that I'm going through.

Anyway, I didn't bring you here to tell you about my bodily functions...I digress...here's what I really wanted to talk about.

So, My Girl and I continued to talk and we start talking about men, relationships and life. We discussed how we could flip P.M.S and make it something positive; something that we could center on and use effectually in our lives. We came up with Pure Mental Serenity...Our P.M.S. We agreed that there are so many things in life to be celebrated than to stress over a temporary; albiet an annoying factor in our lives. Together we spoke of how far we've come as women and how much we've overcome in order to be solid and whole women. We celebrate each other's ups and nurture each other through the downs and still find joy in the experience no matter what.

P.M.S is achieveable people if you want it bad enough. P.M.S can be retrieved by simply being still for a moment and releasing the pressure valve holding you mentally hostage; job/children/spouse/money or whatever stress. There are things that are within our power to handle and control and there are plenty that are not and it's at those times you pray, you have faith, and you hold the knot in that rope a little tighter. You give the problems over to your Higher Power and "accept the things you can not change". Your P.M.S will kick in and you will find that which will sustain you. And if per chance you're unable to having that P.M.S moment and need to let it all out; then have at it. Cry; kick; scream; take that drive, or whatever it is that provides comfort and you'll find the P.M.S will be right there with you as you've released the negative into the universe and made room for the positive to unfold in and around you.

My Girl and I have accepted this into our beings. We give and receive it as we continue to inspire, nurture, and encourage each other. God was very much in the midst of that conversation on that special day. He governed our thoughts and our speech enough to bring tears to our respective eyes as we realized the power, wealth, and magnitude of the conversation we were having. There is no greater joy than that!

We are all special creations of God's awesome love and wonder. We must accept that His way is not our way and that the trials we go through aren't because he loves us not, but instead because he loved us enough to die for us. He gave us a clean slate to work with and somehow we sullied it by sidestepping Him. When we attach negative labelings to so many things, it's no wonder why we feel so heavy-ladened instead of joyous. Having P.M.S can avert the negative formations in your life if you allow it to. What do you have to lose? I say, give it a try; open your heart and mind to a new version of P.M.S; you're gonna thank me for it.

Love to live; live to love!

on being and doing me

I was over my Soul Sister's house Mizrepresent and she had a post (Dueces) about finding/loving herself and it inspired this post.

Since my first relationship at 16, I realized that I was willing to sacrifice, compromise, and give more than I was able to receive in return. Given that I had a very dysfunctional view of what relationships were about thanks to my mum and stepdad; and dad and his several women; now current 4th wife whom I love, I can't fault myself for my misgivings and misunderstandings.

I became a serial monogamist and spent a good portion of my life in one long-term relationship after another. I stuck out relationships that I knew were unhealthy or destined to fail because that was my lesson learned and thought so little of my own emotional happiness. And given that I couldn't really talk to either of my parents about relationships, everything was a trial and error for me.

At some point in my life, I got sick and tired of all the bs and drama that I decided I needed to withdraw and give something back to myself. I took some much needed time out, worked on myself, and made a decision to want more for myself. That process lasted a little while and I was truly happy for and with myself; well, that lasted as long as I remained single. I once again got into a relationship that had its share of problems and given that I was only as good as I was single; began the toxic cycle.

Between the age of 24 and 38, I was in and out of relationships, love, heartbreak; and added more and more emotional scars to my existing repetoire. It wasn't until Oct of 2006 that I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired and took control and stock of my life and emotional well-being.

I entered into a celibate period in my life where I refused to date anyone but myself. I refused to allow myself to be controlled or manipulated into something that wasn't in my best interest. I sought professional help, pastoral assistance, read, prayed, and made a commitment to close the doors of past hurts and create the proverbial clean slate.

I shared my innermost thoughts with only those who I knew would be able to speak to me on a foundation of love and with purpose and intent. I knew and accepted that I would be told things that I didn't want to hear, but knew that the words were being said for my own good. I purged myself from negative thoughts, practices, and toxicity. I began to regard myself as a priority, someone worthy of being loved, and most importantly be able to love/accept/embrace myself for the whole woman I was becoming and currently am. It was no easy fete as learned behaviour is hard to unlearn, but that commitment was made with the intent of being carried out and I continued to grow and mature as each day passed.

In time and with patience, I finally reached my destination and I am who I am now. I know what I do and don't want; what I will and won't do or accept; and I do not allow others to define me or turn me into what they want me to be. I give freely, am fiercely loyal, and am harmless unless provoked; the latter being something that lends favor to the fact that I don't do bullsh*t and drama.

I live and love by some definitive rules and practices and they are deeply rooted in positivity, trust, respect, and communication. I am honest; sometimes to a fault as well as uncensored and candid. I will not sugar coat ish and call it candy just to appease someone. I've spent too much of my life doing this for fear of hurting someone else's feelings while hurting myself in the process. This is a practice that is unacceptable and is not tolerated. While I will not be mean or hurtful, I will speak with truth and explanation as to why I feel how I do. We can very well ultimately agree to disagree, but I will not allow my personal, social, and emotional integrity to be compromised.

One of these days, I'll be ready for a monogamous relationship again, but until then, I'm happily single by choice and when I do date it's because it's what I want to do and with whom I want to share my time with. Our status and intent for social time is clearly defined so no party can say they didn't know. I play know games where I'm not aware of the rules; relationships included. If we're going to be Friends; then that's what we'll be or if we're going to be Friends with Benefits; then that needs to be clearly defined. On-going communication is essential to our progression at any level as it serves as the cornerstone for understanding and growth.

So, as I approach my next new year in September, I am spending some time in review of my expiring year and seeing where I've grown, where I need work, and setting goals/projections of where I see myself next year. It's important for me to always climb the ladder of emotional success in order to be the best person I can be. Being completely and totally happy with myself is not optional; neither is fully loving the woman I am. I've come a long way from the self-esteem compromised girl who allowed herself and relationships circumstances to be a negative factor in her life. I'm a mature, secure, confident, aware, and most importantly whole being. The fractured pieces have finally come together and the view from my eyes is a clear one. Being jaded and disillusioned no longer exists.

Thanks to my Soul Sister for being my muse and giving me an ever growing awareness of self.


Love to live; live to love!

Purpose Driven

It’s always been a dream of mine to help women of any age over come the effects of abuse in any form. As one who’s overcome sexual, emotional, and physical abuse, I feel strongly that I am a testament to others that they, too, can overcome those things in their lives.

Back in January, I spoke with a neighbor who’s setting up a Women’s Ministry that will help women in various stages of abuse get help and I told her I want to participate. To date, I haven’t been a part of her ministry, but know that I will.

This past Sunday, I was invited to attend a church service which was devoted to Women’s Ministry and I was blessed to receive an amazing sermon delivered by my friend and mentor. I was almost moved tears as she so eloquently and powerfully delivered The Word. After the service, I waited to speak with her while she spoke with a young lady who was apparently going through some things. Now, I’m not one to just start speaking to people I don’t know; much less “minister” to them, but the Lord moved me to speak with her and boy was I blessed with some words of comfort, support, and inspiration to this young lady. The words just flowed like water from my mouth and I could see that she was receiving them in spite of her circumstance. Her mother listened in and thanked me for speaking with her daughter. Two other women heard me speaking and they asked how they too could begin the healing process in their lives. I spoke to them with limited information as to their respective issues and each woman thanked me for my words of direction, inspiration, and support.

As I sat with my friend after the service as we waited for lunch, the Pastor’s wife began speaking to me and said that I have a good spirit and thanked me for speaking with the women. I told her, it was my pleasure and all I wanted to do was show them that they could overcome their circumstances if they believed in themselves and began their healing process with forgiveness of themselves. After about an hour of conversation with my elders, I left for home nourished and fulfilled with the word of the Lord and the joy of knowing that I made a difference; even a small one.

Come Monday, my friend informed me that the women of her church were more than impressed with me and would like me to come back to the church and do a workshop or some other form of instruction for women. Naturally, I was stunned, but ever so grateful for having been in the right place at the right time. I told my friend, I would do whatever they asked of me as I would be doing the Lords work and also fulfilling a dream I’ve had for a long time. She also told me that the young lady's countenance was completely changed after my speaking to her and she even mentioned it during her welcoming speech for the afternoon service. My last visual of the young lady was a sad face, with tear stained eyes, but to hear that she was smiling and exuding positive and good energy that brought amazing joy to my heart.

We live in a world where love often takes a back seat to the hurt, pain, suffering, etc., which occurs all too frequently. I know from personal experience the damage this infliction can do to a person’s spirit and if I can touch even just one life, I know that the purpose of my suffering was not for naught. Everything we go through is a learning lesson good or bad and while what I endured was particularly painful and damaging, I made it through to the other side and it’s made me the woman I am today; a woman I love and celebrate.

As I perused my bookshelf last night, I found many a book that I can and will use to create a lesson plan for a workshop I will hold. I know it’s His will that I do this and look forward to the many tears and joys that will come of this sharing. We all have a gift that we can give or share to another and I hope that each and everyone of us takes the time to find it (if you haven’t already) and use it purposefully.

I wish I could remember where I found this quote, but it speaks to the direction in which we need to live our lives: “My purpose shall stand, and I will fulfill my intention”.

Have a truly; truly blessed day y’all.

Love to live; live to love!

damn! I wish I'd written this...

I'm always reading and trying to expand my knowledge. While doing that, I'm always seeking ways to stay in tuned with who I really am and what my purpose is in this life. I got this is my email today and was like, "whoa! Now that's some good ish right there!" Naturally, I had to share it with you because many of you are like-minded and we enjoy sharing that which will enrich us.

Here it is...

The Vital Importance of Inner Alignment
by Owen Waters

Many people in society today work at jobs they don't like, and
find themselves with little or no time for activities that
increase the quality of their lives. Such people are out of
alignment with their inner selves.

Traditionally, society has pressured people into conformity.
Peer pressure to conform to an immediate social group begins at
school because, from an early age, people are taught that they
should conform to outside standards.

In England, the phrase "know your place" is used as a put-down
to someone who has started to become outstanding in some way.
In Australia, the traditional phrase is "cut down the tall
poppies." In Japan, "The nail that sticks up shall be pounded
down."

However, this pressure towards conformity has been lessening
in recent decades, and it will continue to lessen as people
realize that there is strength in diversity. Diversity is
natural. Conformity is unnatural. In the universe, every
snowflake, every person, and even every proton is unique.
Together, the sum of the parts makes up a perfect universe of
infinite diversity.

Diversity is designed into the universe because the universe
exists in order that Infinite Being, the All That Is, may gain
an infinite variety of experiences. In the case of human beings
as expressions of the one source, we have free will so that we
can makes choices. Making choices, and experiencing the results
of those choices, is what human life is all about.

Inner alignment means becoming more of your true self. Your
inner being is your true self, and by developing your inner
potential, you express more and more of your true self.

In heart-centered, New Reality consciousness, mutual support
is shared between people. That means that being different is
good, developing personal skills is good, and exploring your
own potential is good. Deep within, everyone is equal. However,
in your unique form of expression in the outer world, you are
different to everyone else. Not better or worse, not more-than
or less-than; just different, because diversity is natural and
is honored through mutual respect.

The New Reality of heart-centered consciousness is being built
on this Earth, one person at a time. New Reality consciousness
is a supportive and empowered state of consciousness, rather
than the Old Reality consciousness of separation and fear.

When a person manifests their own unique, inner being, they
become aligned, in the way that a laser beam is aligned, rather
than being scattered by external should's and should-not's.
When many people in society become aligned in their own
personal power, the whole becomes far more influential than the
sum of the parts. In fact, it becomes exponentially more
powerful.

When enough pioneers choose New Reality consciousness, there
will come a day when their powerfully aligned influence will
reach a critical mass. Then, it will transform the remainder of
society and, suddenly, everyone will "get it." Society, as a
whole, will then realize that heart-centered consciousness
is the way forward into creating its bright, new future.

Take charge!

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to success is more important that any other one thing". - Abraham Lincoln

I can't speak for all of you, but I can say that I'm claiming 2008 to be MY year. I've got dreams, goals, plans, etc and I want to see them come to fruition. I know it's said, that if you want to make God laugh; make plans, but His a part of all my plans, so I'm good.

Although I quit my then decade + relationship with Essence Magazine because I no longer found that it contained the resources and information that was conducive to how I life and the woman I am; I still check it out from time to time. I came across the following (and retyped it) in the January 2008 issue and wanted to share it with you all. It's obviously geared toward women seeing as Essence is a women for/about black women, but I tweaked the woman reference to include me as I feel this is something each gender can use.

This is my year to be the wo/man I’ve always wanted to be. This year I will put ____________(your name) first. Staring with ___________(date), I will focus on taking the steps to achieve my goals. Ever since____________ I’ve know that I want to_____________. Today I will create a plan to realize my dreams.

This is my year to achieve four goals:

1.______________________________

2.______________________________

3.______________________________

4.______________________________

Negative factors, real and imagined, will no longer be obstacles to my success. To get over____________________, I will stop_______________________. To get over____________________, I will pray that___________________. To get over____________________, I will plan to_____________________. I know that I Will be successful because it is my dream to_______________________.

To stay on track, I will have my friend___________________________ check on my progress every week/month/quarter (choose one) and hold me accountable. This is my personal 2008 pledge to myself so that I can realize my dreams and live the wonderful life I fully deserve.


________________________(your signature)


We can't claim that which we are not committed to receiving, so I implore you all to copy/print this pledge and use it in your lives. Having something in writing makes it more real and certainly more effective. Find that friend who'll always give it to you straight no chaser and let them be your mentor for this exercise. I'm going to share this with a person of each gender as I feel the male/female perspective will provide great insight and achievement toward my success. Whomever you decide is your choice. Wishing you all well and feel free to email me interim reports if you feel so inclined.

Love!

With thanks & giving

Thanks to...

To my Lord and Savior because without Him, there'd be no me
For the faith that keeps me going
Those who've trusted me as Auntie to their children
A mother whom I'm now close to again
For those who are or die
Those who know how to keep it REAL
To all of you who come by, read, and leave comments. You all inspire me
For the blogs I read regularly and those I happen upon
For bad dates to keep me assertive

To whom I gave...
Those lives I've touched in a positive way
The many area families who'll have a Thanksgiving meal
The children I'm Godmother to
The a-holes who thought they could break me...ya didn't!
I'm in your life for a reason
Knowledge is power

the growth

My transitions (as I said yesterday) over the past few months have been many. Some have been scary; some stressful; many emotional, and finally all worthwhile. Each experience has taught me more and more about myself and about people in general.

I've found that good people do bad things intentionally and unintentionally and given the opportunity to make things right they will or will at least try to. On that same premise, I've found that even given the opportunity to make amends, they are still held in contempt. I looked at this situation deeply and explored the many reasons why this happens and found that people will forgive, but certainly not forget. Even if they say they have or will; they won't. I took it one step further and sought pastoral insight to find that those who say they forgive, only do it to make the other person feel better, while it can still be used as a weapon of emotional control . Why? Because the person isn't willing to look deep within themselves or they are dealing with their own emotional shortcomings to see themselves from another perspective. Many people uphold expectations of others because they think they're morally right or that's how they feel they would be in a given situation; the fact of the matter is that we all fall short and it's not based on magnitude; it's based on the deed period.

I've learned that strength is formed in times of weakness and when we're pushed beyond our limits. Allowing oneself moments of true humility and vulnerability are essential and the character that's built from those moments are great and magnificent. Finding ways to reduce or eliminate drama and stress are also effective tools in mental, physical, and emotional growth because we relieve ourselves of the unnecessary clutter in our lives, fill ourselves with wholesome things, and take the toxicity out of states of being. I haven't had a migraine in months, my degenerated disk has been rather tolerable, and the intermittent shoulder blade pain I would get from a car accident hasn't resurfaced. I attribute these physical successes to my mental and emotional cleansing. I now say no when I can't or don't really want to do something. I try to rest when my body says rest, and I do not allow another's issues to become a part of me. I can and will provide support to someone in need, but that's all I can do. I can not allow myself to be their sponge.

Strengthing in my faith and taking time to speak with those who know The World has also been a considerably beneficial experience. The right words at the right time is like being fed the best meal you could ever imagine. Saying, "thank you Jesus" has become rather demeaned as it's said so casually, but putting some true emphasis behind it and taking the time to reflect on what you're thanking Him for makes it really count. I'm in a great place in my life right now. I'm happy, more confident and secure in myself, I have great family and friends, and I know what my walk in life is and is about. I truly understand and utilize the Serentity Prayer as a part of daily life. There are and will be negative events and people in my life, but through it all, I still look to find something positive in it all.

Life is good and it's all love!

Forward march....

I wrote this to post yesterday, but had already posted, so the depth of the content remains the same; the delivery is a day off...

The past is over and done and has no power over me. I can begin to be free in this moment. Today's thoughts create my future. I am in charge. I now take my own power back. I am safe and I am free. – Louise L. Hay

We’ve all been through a negative experience or experiences that have grown roots and planted themselves deep within our psyche and as much as we’ve wanted to put them behind us; we couldn’t.

In speaking with my blog sister this morning, we spoke of things that we held inside because we were ashamed, hurt, or disappointed by the experience or event. We spoke in depth about how that “thing” became such a part of us that it was almost as if it was an appendage in some way. In talking about our respective “thing”, we agreed that if not for Divine intervention, reconciling with the “thing”, ultimately learning to heal and move on that we have each gain control of our lives. We’ve learned that bad things are going to happen and it’s how we deal with it that is important. We agreed that with each step forward, we’re erasing a little bit more of the pain and allowing the goodness to come in and for blessings to take place. By relinquishing that “thing” that seemed to hold us captive, we’ve blossomed into beautiful flowers instead of seeing ourselves as weeds in an untended garden.

Our conversation grew into a full-fledged remission of the pain, guilt, frustration, and hiding that we’d placed on ourselves and our hearts. We released the so-called shame or stigma that was attached by ourselves or others for the experience we’d had. We spoke of growth and maturity and how the past cannot and will not define our respective futures or allow us to be held in mental or emotional bondage. We further discussed and agreed that by not speaking of the “thing” or trying to ignore the “thing” we were allowing it to maintain control and keep us from being the strong women we claim ourselves to be.

By openly acknowledging that our respective “thing” was a part of our lives makes it easier for the door to on it to be closed and remained closed instead of going through the revolving door of emotional dizziness. Our vision and thoughts become clearer; growth becomes easier, and the future is seen as an endless journey into newness, growth, and possibilities. The cynicism is reduced and the willingness to move one becomes something to look forward to. While there will be days when the cloud will surely manifest itself, it’s ability to stay and steal our joy is greatly reduced because we’re now armed with the tools to deal with it. The strength to endure, the power to overcome, faith to keep going willingly is the wind beneath our wings to help us rise and soar.

As an abuse survivor, I feel blessed that I’m now in a place in my life where speaking about it actually helps and not hurt. I do still have moments where I’m sad or something triggers a memory, but now that I’m stronger and more aware of myself, I can handle it better. I can reach out to someone who shares my story and together we can get through it. The things that happened to me held me hostage for a long time and played a major role in the demise of my true self and some of my relationships. I’m not solely to blame as the men I chose were damaged (for lack of a better word) in their own way and weren’t able to work with me, so they worked against me. I used to think it was all my fault, but again, with growth, healing, and not allowing my past to define my future; I know I’m in a better place now. I’ve grown to better love and appreciate myself instead of seeing myself as damaged goods or less than love-worthy. I know I’m not flawless, and won’t allow myself to be demeaned by words that compromise the wealth of goodness that the Lord has blessed me to be. I try to compliment myself for my good traits while tending to the things that need work. Seeing as I’ve only been doing this for a few years now with a few hiccups in between, this is all still work in progress. The most important part of it is that I’m moving FORWARD. The steps may not always be big ones, but as long as I’m taking them, I’m good. Sometime in the future whenever the good Lord sees fit, He’ll bless me with someone who can and will love me for me and the women I’ve become; and if the need arises and I have to share my past, it will be seen as the positive and not negative equation in forming the beautiful, wonderful, and uniquely special person I’ve become.

Thanks blog sis for our “phone church” and for giving me the inspiration to relax, relate, and release today.

Love!

The following is taken from Until Today! Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind – Inyala Vanzant.

June 11

I am willing to forgive myself…for all of the time I have refused to follow Divine Orders.

Pssst! Come closer. This is a message for you. It is a message intended to make you feel better about yourself. It is a message from the angles and the good spirits of life. The angles and good spirits of life are asking that you, STOP BEATING UP ON YOURSRLF FOR WHAT YOU ARE DOING OR NOT DOING! In other words, they don’t like it. They are also aware that it doesn’t make you feel too good either!

The angels and the good spirits of life have heard the things you have said to yourself and about yourself. They are simply appalled! They know that you could have, you would have. They know that when you can, you will. The angels and the good spirits of like would help you, if you would allow them to. They also understand that when you feel bad enough you will ask for help. It doesn’t have to be that way, but the angels and good spirits are aware that you have a few trust issues that require healing. In the meantime, they have issued a Divine Order that you cease and desist all forms of self-criticism, self-judgment, self-flagellation, self-punishment and self-destructive behavior. The angles and the good spirits of life forgive you for partaking in such self-dishonoring behavior in the past. Now they want you to forgive yourself and stop it!

Until today, you have spent a good portion of your day beating up on yourself for all the things you did not do to your satisfaction. Just for today, forgive yourself for the way you have treated yourself.

Today I am devoted to following the Divine Order to cease and desist all forms for self-criticism and self-judgment.

let the Rayne pour

so, yesterday was my girl's birthday. it wasn't just any old birthday, but her 30th. YAY!!!
for months, weeks, days; leading up to it, she complained and whined that she was "getting old" and "oh, my God, I can't believe i'm gonna be 30". I openly laughed and teased her about it because 30 really isn't old at all. In fact, she could never pass for being her age as she looks like she's still in her early 20's. (READ...12 when she wears a ponytail...lol) So, unless she publically announces her age, who'll be the wiser?

age my friends, is NOTHING BUT A NUMBER! it's not a reflection of yourself nor is it a death sentence. the older you get, the wiser you get. with age comes said wisdom (unless you're just dumber than duck shit...she's far from that!) i digress. anyhoo, she's a smart and talented young woman who works hard, loves her family & real friends, will do just about anything for anyone, and need not worry about being 30.

today's 30, is the new 20 they say...personally, i think it's a little insulting given the way most 20 y/o act, but that's just my opinion. being 30 affords you a certain right and privilege because people will actually take you more seriously, be more inclined to show you the courtesy you deserve regardless, and the doors of opportunity will fly open in your favor. see, i've noticed that everyone spouts off about experience this; experience that and you, for the most part don't really have it until you're in your 30's. a certain maturation has occurred by this time so one should embrace that new milestone with the vitality and drive it deserves.

Rayne, this post is to shout you out for being a great friend. Welcome to the real world. Look forward to all the blessings this new avenue of your life will afford you. Don't worry about the number as it's not who you are, you are who you are. Your ambition and your willingness to be open and receptive will be the catalysts for your success. The woman you are forming into is ready to shine. Excuse my redundancy, but 30 is a beautiful and wonderful time and experience. It's a marker for your development and with open arms, heart, and eyes, you'll see that this chapter of your life will blaze the trail for you.

Untitled

“No deception is more dangerous than self-deception.”

Have you ever withheld something from yourself or someone else because you were afraid or didn’t know how to handle a situation? Have you ever tried to convince yourself that something or someone wasn’t as it or they seemed? If you’ve answered yes to either of these questions, then you’ve participated in the aforementioned quote. It’s nothing to be ashamed; instead something to be aware of. We’ve all done it and we all continue to do it, but now that you have this quote in your head, maybe it can and will prevent you from continuing this practice.

Our integrity is something we all value and something that defines us as whom we are, so it’s important to not delude ourselves into thinking we’re more or less than whom we are. It is monumentally important that we not allow ourselves to be pigeon-holed into thinking that we can skate through life unaccountable in some way for what we do; how we do it; and to whom we do it. Each us of has our day of reckoning coming and we all need to find ways to come clean and not continue to walk a path of self-destruction. We are no more or less better than the next person and putting someone down in any capacity to make ourselves look/feel better is harmful to both the offender and the offended. We live in trying times and it’s only been a couple weeks since we; or at least many of us celebrated the late Dr. Martin Luther King’s birthday, so let’s continue to carry his words and what he stood for forward in order to make ourselves and this world a better place.