My Inner Self

In yesterday's comment, Ruthibelle asked why the Black Panther was a reflection of my inner self, (the pic I have on the right sidebar) so I've decided to explain...

Ever since I was a child, I knew what kind of personality I had...Feline! I'm the kind of person who can be very social, enjoy a certain amount of attention, and provide love and affection easily. On the other hand, I can withdraw and be content left to my own devices. I'm very independent, don't mind being alone and can fend for myself; however, can and will attack quickly and fiercely if provoked. Like a cat, I'll "hiss" at first to let you know you're entering into a danger zone and if the annoyance doesn't end, then I'll "bite or scratch" (verbally in the human case) and be done with it and the situation.

Of the many cats there are in existence, I feel I'm closely in keeping with Black Panthers...

"The Black panther is a rare, fearless, powerful and intelligent animal. It is one of the most aggressive and most feared animals in the world...Being symbols of power, courage, and leadership...Sometimes, animals are used to describe people’s personalities and characteristics. Black panthers are used to describe beautiful and courageous women. This is because black panthers are gentle and loving with their children, yet fearless in defending their families." (taken from Black Panther Animal)

The aforementioned description, does in large part describe the kind of person I am. I have two tattooes of Black Panthers; one is a panther in motion above my left ankle and one on my lower back of the head of a panther and its claws. It looks as if the head and claws are coming out of my back. I chose the latter because cats are stealthy and it represents my more dark side as if to say, "watch out if you mess with me!" The former is more delicate in appearance and I chose that one because it shows motion and I'm always on the move.

So, I hope that clarifies things for you Ruthibelle and anyone else who wondered, but didn't ask.

Love to live; live to love!

on handling "Steve"...or not!

For those who haven't read Tuesday's post, I suggest you do so you can get acquainted with "Steve".

Well, this lil freaker almost got me in a world of crap with lil lady yesterday who wanted to have our t.v date while he wanted something else. What should have been an easy choice; watch t.v with lil lady turned into a battle of let's see how fast we can get one in. So, here I am in my room wearing nothing but a robe and panties battling with Steve.

Steve: C'mon Blu, you know how we do. We can get one in real quick.

Blu: But lil lady's downstairs and wants to watch t.v and it's her first night back home.

Steve: Yea, I know, but shit... I'm horny and we can have a quickie

Blu: Damn you! We can wait an hour or so right? You know she wants some quality time with me.

Steve: All this time you're wasting arguing, we coulda done this already.

Blu: Ugh! You're a fuggin mess and...oooh! Mmmm....*deep breathing*...

Steve: See, there you go...Come on dirty girl, you can do it...

Blu: ********!!!!!!********!!!!!!

Steve: Yea! See, there you go! Now that didn't take long did it?

Blu: *Deep breathe* Nah, but you ain't right for that shit.

Steve departs allowing Blu to clean up and go downstairst to watch t.v with the unsuspecting lil lady.

Readers...I' got problems for real!


Love to live; live to love!

The Ploy

I swear I've got some kind of Spidey senses because after I posted yesterday, I got a gut feeling that Mr. Toolbelt would call me and you guessed it he did; this morning.

I was at the Dr.s office and my phone rang; well actually it spoke. I have a feature on my phone that announces who's calling. Good thing for me I don't have his number stored in my phone, or it would have sounded something like this, "call from The Stalker" or "call from The Asshole" or "Call from Bugaboo" or something else to that effect, which could have been either amusing or offensive to anyone in ear shot. Instead it announced, "call from 516-435-xxxx and I groaned in disbelief. The nurse, as she was drawing blood asked, "do you need to get that?" I furiously shook my head "no" and allowed her to continue on with her business.

Upon leaving the Dr.s office, I went to grab a bite to eat as I had to fast and by then was really hungry. I went back to work and saw the Message Waiting light on my phone flashing. I immediately thought, "I bet that )*%)*#_*^ already called me and left a message before calling my cell. I reluctantly listened to the message, but was pleasantly surprised to find it was someone I actually enjoy talking to. Figuring I might as well find out what the hell Mr. Toolbelt wanted (he'd left a message), I check my voice mail. He announces who he is (like I wouldn't recognize his voice) and then tells me that I have something of his and that I should call him about it. I chuckle. It's his ploy to get me to call him. I chuckle again.

I do in fact have his authentic Christian Dior sunglesses, which I've had since late August mind you. They look great on me and I honestly was going to keep them. *lol* Anyway, my chuckle now turns into full blown laughter because I think it's hilarious that all of a sudden he realizes that I have them and he wants them back. I guess he figures I'll call him back and then he can try and engage me in conversation...NOT! I'm too slick to get caught out there like that. So, here's how it's going to go down...

1...Find said sunglasses

2...Package them up

3...Address package to my cuz

4...Call her to let her know to expect a package from me and that she needs to give it to her b/f who's friends with Mr. Toolbelt and he can give them to him for me.

5...Aniticipate another phone call once he gets them back.

I've got a feeling I'll probably get another phone call before I even get the sunglasses in the mail, but unless he catches me at work, he won't hear my voice in his ear.

I swear, I just don't get folk, but I'm getting that some of them can be a form of perverse amusement for a twisted mind like mine. *hysterically LMBAO*

Love to live; live to love!

errant sprinklings of jewel dust

Okay, i know i've not blogged in a few weeks and i honestly don't know why not. well, i do, but that's a story for another day. i'm doing well, living life, and am completely and absurdly happy. i feel blessed beyond measure and suffer fools gladly as they try to steal my joy or try to intrude in my life where they're not wanted.

the following are some errant thoughts and things that have happened of late:

so, Mr. Toolbelt comes out of nowhere to call me @ 4:30 AM; yes, i said AM and talks a whole bunch of f*ckery of which made no logical sense to me given that we haven't spoken in months. the ONLY reason i even answered the phone was because i thought he was someone else. damn, those very close area codes...516 BAD 561 good. the former is the Toolbelts area code; so now you understand the blurry eyed confusion. about 5 days post his inappropriate call, he takes to phone stalking me. yes...really! this 41 y/o man resorts to this juvenile behaviour thinking it's going to impress me...NOT!!! This goes on for about 4 days tallying a total of 18 calls between my cell and work phone and 2 txts with his number to call him back...to date i have not and will not. this was all so disturbing to me that i had to consult with Mr. Slish our resident relationship advisor and life coach to get his take on the situation. as expected, he provided great insight and suggested i blog the story because it; in spite of its foolishness is rather funny. we'll see!

that aside, i'm debating whether or not i should continue to see my current beau whom we'll call Grandy. he's got 9 years on me and has grands; hence, his moniker. he's a great guy and i enjoy his company and spending time with him, but there are a few things that are leaving room for pause and doubt. so now i'm evaluating things and will have to have "the talk" with him to make a final decision.

and i jumped back in the pool why? *sigh*

lil lady and i have the most amazing relationship. we can and do talk about anything and everything. it's amazing how much she's grown and developed in the past year. we totally enjoy sharing time together and doing things; even if it's nothing more than a tv date night. parenting; though stressful at times; truly can be a fantastic experience. i'm loving it!

i finally updated my Facebook profile; posted my gov't name and have connected with some high school and college peeps and have even got some bloggers on my Friends List. i hope i'm better at this than i was on MySpace.

let me tell you about Steve. he's the 18 y/o libido that lives inside of me and he's one horny lil freaker. this is definitely a TMI moment, but indulge me if you will...since both turning 40, coming out of celibacy (after 2yrs), and just being at complete peace with myself, i finally WANT to have sex. and to make matters worse, my drive is like that of an 18 y/o boy; hence, why i actually named my libido. it's really scary how often i think about sex or want to have it. it's fortunate that i'm not the "sleep around" kind of gal or they'd be some broke men out there after i got done with them. i'm trying to take some control over Steve, but that lil freaker is strong and puts up a good damn fight for independence. i won't further ask you to indulge in any more TMI rantings, so we'll end here with this topic.

work is great! how many people can actually say that and mean it? i have a job that is only a 20 minute commute; i work 4 ten-hour days; giving me Friday's off and where necessary, i can flip my schedule. i enjoy the work i do, accept the challenges, and work with a great group of people. i can go home each day knowing i've accomplished something and that my work does not go unnoticed.

as i said in the opening of this post, i'm absurdly happy. in fact, this is the happiest i've been in years. i think; no, i know that it's because i refuse to accept drama in my life. i live my mantra love to live; live to love each day. i pray, meditate, and give thanks each and every day for my life and health. i find the beauty in each day even then things can and do go wrong. i don't dwell on what i don't have because there's plenty that i do have. i'm infinitely and divinely at peace.

i'm taking my first trip of 2009 next week to spend some time with friends/family and i can't wait.

for those who haven't seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button; should. it's a great movie with a great story line and promotes many positive messages. what i learnt the most was...life is a series of opportunities missed or taken. i probably didn't quote it exactly, but i know i am close. i choose to take as many opportunities as i can and enjoy them. i want to have quantity of life and have amazing memories in the process.

well, i better get some work done. have a fantastic day and may blessings be upon each of you.

love to live; live to love!