Jewel drops

My sexual needs are much greater than I ever imagined they'd be

I prefer pedicures to manicures

I feel empowered by driving a manual transmission vehicle

I do not believe the hype

The best fashion trend to follow is your own

In truth the degrees of separation is less than 6

I have exhausted my divine patience and am wondering how long before my human patience kicks in

 (add on to previous) when it does, it sure isn't going to be pretty

I feel my sexiest when I'm wearing black

I look my prettiest when I'm smiling

I feel my strongest when defending someone I care about

I've learned that I know more than I thought I did

Things I used to think were off limits aren't and I enjoy them immensely

I am very much in touch with my masculine side

Silence is more damaging than the spoken word


I'd rather be confined to the madness of my own mind, than to be free in the madness around me


I am not nearly as social as people perceive me to be


The safest place I know is within my own heart/mind


Time may heal wounds, but love is a better bandage


I sometimes seek comfort in music before I would from a person


"Love is what I need to help me know my name" line from Love's Divine by Seal...Absolutely amazing line


There are few things sweeter than hearing someone say your name in the heat of passion


I have no idea what it's like to have a real/honest/true/consistent/loving relationship with my parents


I do; however, KNOW how to be a a real/honest/true/consistent/loving parent to my own child

I have conquered my own personal Mount Everest


Life IS good!


It's all possible!

randoms

I think skinny dipping is great

Ever wonder if that cute girl/guy you've been crushing on will look as cute while they're sleeping?

If you became famous, how much of your life would you change?

I don't feel sorry for celebs who eff their lives up because I'm offended that they've squandered their talent and shit on those who are struggling to make it.

I had an opportunity to date celebs and turned it down. Just didn't want to 1) become just a f*ck and 2) didn't want my life to be on display by being with them

You're given $10,000 to get cosmetic surgery, what would you change and why?

Sometimes I look at the guys in men's magazines and wonder if 1) they're gay or 2) how big their penis is.

Kissing on the first date; a go or no go?

I have a mental crush on a few actors and wonder if they'd kiss as good in real life as they make it look on t.v

Then again, I'm not sure I'd really want to know because I'd be really disappointed if it were bad. This is the one time I think fantasy is better than reality

How come fat people always order diet drinks?

If you're completely compatible in every way with the object of your affection, but they can't really move you in bed, do you settle for bad sex or move on?

I considered changing my name to something else when I was younger and sometimes wish I'd gone through with it

How come smokers smoke in their car and then throw the butts out the window?

If a man masturbates, does that constitute murder? (been thinking about that for some time after watching Legally Blonde)

I've worn something and then taken it back for no other reason than I just wanted it for the occasion

I know stealing is wrong, but got quite a kick out of doing it when I was a kid. I'd be hard pressed to do it now though. Guess I've got too much to lose.

I feel guilty when I hear gospel songs that I don't like

I have a family member that I want to slap the taste out of her mouth so bad

If you found out you were dating your half-brother/sister how would you confront your parent(s)?

I like to send cards/notes through snail mail just because

I saw a boy in girls skinny jeans and it was very disturbing to me because he had a girlfriend. (since when were girls jeans interchangeable? Help!)

I've often wondered what it would be like to see myself through someone else's eyes...literally!

my bad!

I know I was on a roll for minute with my blogging and I was enjoying the daily postings, but I've fallen off the wagon and I'm sorry about that. I will get back on effective tomorrow. And trust me, I've got a lot to say.

I'll start with some random stuff...

Men are coming out of the woodwork right now, but none of them are The Him that I want.

The current lunar phase is wreaking havoc; havoc I tell you on my hormones. ARGH!

My spiritual walk is amazing and I'm so enjoying it.

I finally got my way with the oncologist and am now seeing him every six months instead of every three.

My sense of purpose is becoming more clearly defined

I'm going to go back to school and get my certification in Womens Studies.

I'm planning a retreat at my house this summer

Lil Lady got accepted to my Alma Mater

I have some new inspiration for my writing

Temptation is really knocking hard on my door.

Okay, that's all for now, and you will get something of substance VERY soon.



It's all possible!

Last one for 2009 - All kinds of random stuff

I stopped being a martyr and emotional tampon for people. I chose self-preservation over selflessness because there are those who take it for granted.

There are far too many people who should just relinquish their parental rights because having a child does not immediately qualify you to be a parent.

The time we spend coveting what others have instead of being grateful for what we have is a complete waste of time and makes you ignorant to the fact that there are people worst off you than you think you are.

Alcohol on an empty stomach can get you into some serious mischief.

Memory gaps from said alcohol induced mischief is even funnier when you and the other party are giving your own versions of the same incident.

Why? Oh why, do we care so much about the lives of celebrities and not our own families?

I'm in a restaurant that has a communal sink area and this guy finds me attractive and starts talking to me. I'm in the process of brushing my teeth and he's still talking to me. So my question is, why did he think he needed to stand and wait until I was done and try to score for my number? Second, why did he think I was even attracted to him anyway?

On that same topic, why do people assume because they find you attractive, you find them attractive?

I wear my headphones in public even when I'm not listening to music just so people won't talk to me.

Just because I'm not wearing a ring doesn't mean I'm not involved.

How is it that the line you're in is always the slow one, so you change lanes and then that line moves slow.

I'm as nice as you think I am, but harmful if provoked.

I learned the power in the gift of forgiveness.

Great moments of 2009
Love, forgiveness, an improved spiritual walk, and the willingness to take amazing leaps of faith

Lil Lady told me she was proud of me and thanked me for being her mum/bestie

I released myself from emotional bondage

My birthday weekend and my weekend with my twin cousin

The day I joined Macedonia Baptist Church

Knowing I can fall in love again

Writing four amazing poems

Facebook bringing someone/thing new and interesting to my life

My Mother's Day and Birthday card from Lil Lady

Making it through the year without major incident

All good health reports

Continued friendships

My blog family

I wish each and everyone of you a Happy New Year. May all of your goals be met. May your prayers be answered. And may love and happiness reign supreme in your lives.

Love to live; live to love! This is not just a catch phrase, but something to truly live by

My dime in the bucket

So, with the plethora of things going on in the news and world around me, I thought I'd voice my opinion on a few on them.

Issue #1
So, what is the deal with people who have Facebook pages, but don't have a profile pic? What kind of foolishness is that? I mean, it's call FACEbook for a reason, so one would assume that you should have your face up. Furthermore, why do people pic their childhood pix up or pix of their children. Can I tell you how much this pisses me off? I think it's frustrating, annoying, and senseless. If you don't want people to know what you look like NOW then you shouldn't have a damn FB page. Oh, another thing that I can't stand on FB are the people who put pix of themselves up when they were younger and/or more attractive. Don't they think at some point someone will want to do a face to face and then they'll be seen for who they are NOW? Ugh, the unnecessary practices people use for social networking.

Issue #2
No, Tiger Woods is not off limits either, but I'm going to come at it from a different angle. I think Elin knew that he was cheating, but played the doting wife/mother who would never think her husband would do anything like that. I think she is a sneaky little woman who played her hand and then when the proverbial hit the fan, she said, you know what, I've stuck around long enough to get a couple of crotch trophies out the deal and enough money to by a multi-million house back in her native land before the ink is dry on divorce papers. In addition, I'm sure she and at least one of the mistresses were in cahoots to scam, embarrass and extort Tiger.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning what he did, because I think people should honour their vows regardless. I think he was dumb as duck shit and picked the wrong jump offs to mess with. Rule of thumb when you're married and you decide to cheat is that you cheat with someone who has as much as if not more to lose than you do. Granted, there aren't many women who are stacking paper like Tiger is; except Oprah, but dammit, these little stank ass hoes who are saving txts and emails? Really? These tricks knew what the hell they were doing and were just waiting for their day in the tabloids. It's tricks like these that give other Jump Offs a bad rap. I'd like to slap the taste out of all of their triflin asses.

I'm not proud to admit this, but back in my youth, messed with someone's husband, but I made sure I never got pregnant, knew, understood, and respected the rules of engagement, and I damn sure wouldn't put myself in the position where she could put me on blast or where I would use the situation to my gain. Yes, he was someone high profile.

Tiger picked the wrong women and his game of being a cheater were no match for his golf game. Nuff said; moving on.

Issue #3
What is with married men thinking it's their marital right to have affairs? I was propositioned by a married man and I turned him down. It was not only the right thing to do, but I've done the 1st place 2nd thing before and I'll be damned if I ever do that again. My self worth/respect rates a lot more than that position. I'm so sick of men thinking that because they heard there was a shortage of "good black men" that we black women will settle for being the Jump Off. Sadly, I can't fully fault the men for their diminished mindset because if women didn't settle for being 1st place 2nd, then the married men wouldn't have pause to pursue.

I'm also annoyed by the fact that they think they're even good men. How are you married, happily or otherwise, but nonetheless still married, a good guy when you're breaking your vows, compromising your home life and creeping around with another woman; or men in some cases?

Well, that's my Dime in the Bucket for the night.

Enjoy your holidays people and as always love to live; live to love!

A tagged confession, Parts 1 &2

I was tagged by QueenBee for the Blame Tara Meme

Part 1

Who is the hottest movie star?
Well, Denzel Washington immediately comes to mind, so I'll have to go with that. He's sexy, talented, versatile and he could be my leading man any day; any time.

Apart from your house/car, what is the most expensive thing you've ever bought?
I bought myself a huge sapphire and diamond ring for my 3oth birthday

What is your most treasured memory?
The day I met Achilles Heel

What is the best gift you ever received?
A plane ticket to Jamaica

What is the biggest mistake you ever made?
Not pressing charges

Four words that describe you?
Free-spirited, honest, faithful, loving

What is the highlight and lowlight of 2008?
Highlight - taking a leap of faith
Lowlight - unncessary drama

Favourite film?
Oh dear! I don't think I can limit that...pass!

Tell me one thing I don't know about you?
I clean my nails while I'm driving

If you were a comic book character, who would you be?
Wonder Woman, but The Hulk runs almost neck and neck

Part 2...Talking About Love
Pick your artist: Maxwell

Are you male or female - This Woman's Work

Describe yourself - Fortunate

How do you feel - Changed

Describe where you currently live - Urban Hang Suite

If you could go anywhere, where would you go - For Lover's Only

Your favourite form of transportation - Ascension

Your best friend is - Noone

Your favourite color is -Black

What's the weather like - Cold

Favourite time of the day - Eachhoureachsecondeachminute

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called - Sumtin Sumthin

What is your life to you - Gettin to now Ya

Your relationships - Reunion

Your fear - Symptom Unknown

What is the best advice you have to give - Help Somebody

If you could change your name, what would it be - Pretty Wings

Thought of the day - Now/At the party

How would I like to die - Silently

My souls present condition - Everwanting: to wanting to want

My motto - Loveyou

Who I'm tagging...
Her Side,

happiness is...

...having a great spiritual foundation; unconditional faith, and a God who'll never let me down

...having some of the most amazing friends a girl could ever ask for.

...having family that even when you're not together; you're together

...knowing that loving myself enough to not compromise my emotional integrity

...having a daughter who brings the ultimate joy to my life

...knowing that doing things with purpose and intent will serve me well

...allowing myself to live and live well

...knowing that the truth is always the best way to be and live

...taking a leap of faith could be the best move ever made

...not allowing negativity to be welcomed into my life or my home

...being strong enough to both love and to let go

...welcome the newness each day brings

...taking comfort knowing that there is still goodness in the world

...the musical statements that speak when my own words elude me

...being able to accept the body I live in doesn't have to be what society dictates

...being or getting hurt isn't always a bad thing because there was a lesson to be learned in spite of the pain

...taking chances is another way of spreading my winds

...life's journey is best enjoyed when you're able to take some detours

...appreciating, being grateful, being prayerful, loving, sharing and caring

...saying what you mean and meaning what you say

...hearing the word, but having the deed to punctuate

...knowing I can and do make a difference

...knowing to forgive and ask for forgiveness

...not being afraid to say, "I'm sorry"

Have a fantastic weekend. Love yourselves and share that love with all those who are important to you.

Love to live; live to love!

what i know for sure...

...hurt people; hurt people

...without communication there is NO honest/open/effectual dialog

...another CAN NOT make you whole; you gotta get there by yourself

...if you don't love yourself, you can't effectively love another

...stop believing in the fairy tale; not every relationship has a happy ending; create your own

...sex as a foundation for a relationship is like building a house on sand

...honor your gut feelings/intuition and stick by deal breakers

...know and adhere to your tolerance factor; stop making excuses for others behaviour

...compromising on some things is okay, but settling is not

...not only hear, but listen to what people are telling you; there's a valuable lesson in doing both

...accepting that which you know is wrong or unhealthy for you; sets the tone for how you're treated

...honor your mind AND body

...physical satisfaction is great, but temporary; total (mind/body/soul) satisfaction lasts longer

...loving someone and liking them are two different things; know the difference

...sex and intimacy are not one in the same; neither is sensuality and sexuality

...being single is NOT a bad thing

...being with someone just to say you are IS a bad thing

...carry yourself in the fashion you want to be treated and you will be treated accordingly

...watch both what people say and do; they're telling you something all the time

...if you allow yourself to be mistreated, you can't blame anyone else for it

...if he's not already taking care of the kids he has, do NOT have a child with him

...infidelity is not cool, but if you're gonna cheat BOTH parties need to use protection

...what goes on behind closed doors; stays behind closed doors

...if you chose to share your personal/private/intimate business, ensure the person you're sharing with is ABSOLUTELY and UNEQUIVACABLY trustworthy and you have dirt on them too (lol)

...respect and trust are earned and not to be treated or taken lightly

...playing the game and not knowing the rules or your position is not a good look

...confidence, maturity, and self-awareness is sexy

...bragging don't make it the truth; self-praise is not flattery

And those are my gems of wisdom for the day.

love to live; live to love

mind dumping...another installment

I had two incidents this week where my coworkers almost were the cause for these statements, "you have the right to remain silent...", "watch your head ma'am", and "your Honor, what had happened was..." Coworker #1 pushed all the wrong buttons and had me visualizing myself cutting his aorta. I really wish people would learn to leave well enough alone and stop thinking they're more funny than they really are. Coworker #2 was so completely rude, disrespectful, and unprofessional to our manager that I had to call on Him to give me the right words to diffuse the situation. Our manager is one of the sweetest, nicest, and caring people I've ever worked for and his conduct toward her left much to be desired. I was glad when the Lord blessed me with some stern words to exact with professional integrity and prevent him from continuing his more than unnecessary tirade.

The Toolbelt called me a couple of days ago telling me he had a hard on with my name on it...WHAT? REALLY? Uhm, no! He broke so many Man Laws that he should go back to Gender Specific and Appropriate Codes of Conduct for Trying to Get the Ass 101. Needless to say, he got shot down with a verbal AK-47.

"My purpose will stand, and I will fulfill my intention" are words I live by and my purpose is truly manifesting itself. It's God's desire that I utilize my past hurts and growth process to aid other women and I've been given the right words at the right time to encourage others to live their authentic selves and seek that which is right for them as that level of selfishness is mandatory. In addition to providing women with the enrichment they need, I've been in a position to help a male friend through some trials he's facing. I'm happy that I've been able to be a truly good friend and not a crutch.

My friendship with BZ is flourishing and I'm happy that I trusted my gut from the very beginning with her. I'm looking forward to my trip to Boston this summer.

There is a lesson to be learned in every negative experience and most often it's the Lord working in His "mysterious way" to teach us something and put us on the path that leads to understanding and happiness.

Lil Lady says it's not fair that I get two occasions where I'm celebrated because I get Mother's Day and my birthday. I told her that she gets everyday because as long as I'm alive and able, I'm going to be thankful for her and celebrate her presence in my life. She liked that!

Speaking of Lil Lady, she continues to impress and astound me. She's maintaining her position on the High Honor Roll and has a 95.65 GPA. She's an all-around good girl and I'm so blessed to have a open, honest, mutually respectful relationship with her.

I so absolutely love the woman I have come to be and praise God for extending His favor, grace, and mercy upon me. My trials have truly become my triumpths and my faith remains strong and directed. That which did or didn't break me; still made me stronger and wow, what a great feeling that is.

I've got a confession of sorts..."Hi, my name is Blu Jewel and I think I'm becoming a Facebook fiend!" There I said it. Hawa said it would happen, but I was in denial; how I'm facing the truth.

Terry had shut down the Cheap Seats, which caused a major uproar in the Bloggersphere and was shown that he needed to rethink his decision. If you're not already familiar with him, I suggest you check him out; he's worth the read.

I love that I still get that "anxious" feeling when I see or anticipate seeing Achilles Heel even after all these years.

Live life and live it well so that when you're older you get to live again through the memories. Money and material things are good, but not a true measure of how well you've lived.

Well, folks that's all from me today. I wish you a wonderful day, an abundance of blessings, and a heaping of love and happiness.

Love to live; live to love!

ranDUMBness!

How come I see more and more fat/overweight cops, doctors, nurses, etc? Aren't these the people who are supposed to be fit and be in positions to help us?

Why do folk talk to their kids any old kind of way and then pop said kids in the mouth when they talk to others foul?

I'm sick and tired of seeing cops running their mouths on their cells while in their patrol cars without using a handsfree device; meanwhile they're pulling folk over for the same thing they're ILLEGALLY doing!

I'm more than convinced that there are too many folk who are comfortble with ignorance being bliss!

I think I'm going to scream the next time I see Ms. Biggums in the Juniors department trying to squeeze into clothes that my 5' 7", 140, well toned frame won't even put on and I CAN!

I really need to know why so-called grown ass men are dressing and acting like teenage boys and then wonder why they get the side-eye when they try to holla?

For the first time I left a comment on Facebook somewhat airing personal beef; I'll never do that ish again.

When I tell someone I'm about to drive and stop txting, why do they keep txting me?

Just because you can; doesn't mean you should!

If you have unprotected sex with a man who's already got 6 kids, why get mad when you end up pregnant and he doesn't want ish to do with you either?

Women...Using sex to get what you want IS prostitution; I'm so tired of saying that.

Denying your wrong-doings when you know you're busted is just dumb because now you'll never get trust or credibility back.

NEVER ask someone for the truth if you can't handle it; EVER!

Love to live; live to love!

truth be told

I think that women are their own worst enemy, but are so often in denial about it

Women think about sex as much as, if not more so than men do

Trading sex for having your bills paid makes you a prostitute; you're being paid for a service

Kids today are morally bankrupt because most of their parents are

Money can buy many things, but not real happiness

It's so true that if you're unhappy with yourself, you can't/won't be happy with somoene else. No one can fix you, but you

Love is not just another 4-letter word

just because you can, doesn't always mean you should

even when doing the right thing means doing a hard thing; do it anyway; you'll be glad you did

when you ask someone for the truth, expect that you might actually get it and they're not wrong for what they've said

if you forget where you came from, you'll never know how far you've come

when you truly love yourself, you're never alone because you're always surrounded by good company

love to live; live to love!

Wild, wacky, wierd, wonderful, Wednesday

These are the W's for my Wednesday...

Wonderful
Woke up this morning and am blessed to see a new day (praise Him)
I'm going to a basketball game tonight with New, Old Friend (who'll henceforth be renamed NOF)
I'll have a much needed deposit into my account on Friday (thank you Jesus)
Grampy (who'll henceforth be renamed as Dreadz) may be back in NY within the next couple weeks (yay!)
I'm supposed to have a Blogger meet up this month (very cool)

Wierd
I'm having cravings for a buffet of the following foods: Thai, Indian, Jamaican, and home country favourite; Fish n chips! (yummy)
Mr. Toolbelt keeps coming to mind (yikes)

Wacky
I'm in a really nutty mood
I'm probably going to put someone on blast today
I've been on Facebook "stalking"

Wild
Might get "cozy" with NOF

I want to go to a Dancehall party (reggae music)
I look really cute today in my black knee high boots, black above the knee, mock turtleneck/sleeveless dress, with gray/black suit jacket
There's a reggae song called Romping Shop by Vybz Kartel ft. Spice which is uses the Ms. Independent (Ne-Yo) track and it's H-O-T!!! There is a clean and raw version both on YouTube.

Love to live; live to love!

ruining a good thing...

I'm noticing a trend of late that folk just don't know how to not ruin things. On Saturday, we did a GNO (Girls Night Out), which was a brave move on our part given the threatening weather conditions in the area, but because we'd committed, we mozied on out.

Ruin #1...So, we're in the club and after getting drinks; head to the dance floor. While in motion, some dude decides he's going to grab my arm to get my attention. Ding, ding, ding! That's a big time no-no and wrong move on his part. I managed to pull my arm back without spilling my drink and roll my eyes to say, "talk with your mouth, not with your hands." My girls know how I roll and were hoping that his action wouldn't incite a verbal confrontation as a result. Fortunately for dude; it didn't.

Ruin #2...We're talking to each other, doing our thing, and taking pictures when some lame decides he's going to jump into one of the shots. He's now ruined a good shot that I can't photoshop his dumb ass out of and I'm heated. No, not because he wasn't cute, but because his action was rude and uncalled for.

Ruin #3...The girls and I are chilling and still doing our thing when another dude comes over and jumps all in our conversation without saying "excuse me" or extending any other polite social grace to interject himself into the conversation and our space. We play nice and let him prepare to annoy us. Then he does the ultimate no-no...he touches me. AARRGGHH!! My girls are looking at him like, "aww hell, you done effed up now playa!" I'm less than polite in my reaction by not only pulling back, but firmly stating, "you talk with your mouth not with your hands and we ain't that cool for you to be touching me". He jumps back, apologizes and then starts with his barrage of questions and corny compliments.

"Damn, girl, you're sexy as hell. You married?"
"No!"
"Engaged?"
"No!"
"Oh, really? So, we can be friends then?"
"Friends? Really? Why?"
"Cause I'm a nice guy and everyone needs a friend."
Wow! Could he have been anymore corny?
"He live with you?"
"No!"
"Does he have keys to your place?"
Was he really serious? I'm trying not to laugh in his face.
"No!"
"That's good. You don't need no one having access to your spot. So, then we can be friends."
"Uhm...no! I don't need anymore friends."
This dumb conversation goes back and forth until he finally stops. Then he asks what I'm drinking.
"Jack and coke!"
"Damn! That's gangsta. I knew there was something different about you."
I all but laughed in his face with that one.
"And you got mad confidence too."
"Oh, yeah? How'd you come up with that?"
"Cause you wearing that top and anyone who can pull that off gotta have confidence."
Aiight, I'll give him that one. I was wearing that halter vest rather well.
"I gotta get your next drink for you."
"No, not necessary, I'm good."
"I insist."
So, I let dude by the drink, he's talking about all kinds of nonsense that I'm paying little or no attention to and he's still not getting a clue and I could have sworn I saw Vanna White in the building!

Well, long story short, he finally finds Vanna, gets a clue, and leaves me alone, but damn if he didn't ruin what could have been a good buzz! Sheesh!

Honorable mentions...

Ruin #4...I'm friends with a really nice guy, who's courting me hard and it's been great until I ask a question about what kind of relationship we could have and he says, "let enjoy ourselves a little, why does life have to be so serious?" Well, that my friends bascially told me, we're heading in the direction of being FWBs (Friends with Benefits). While I'm not necessarily opposed to that, it's not something I'm really feeling at right now. No, I'm not ready to rush into a relationship with him or anyone else, but I would rather know that when we spend time together it doesn't always have to end in our having sex or have the presence that sex is a part of the plan.

Ruin #5...Just because you don't know my personal business, doesn't give you the right to make assumptions about me. I share only what I want to share in the work place or wherever I am because those details aren't that personal and just because you choose to divulge every detail of your, doesn't make me inclined to do the same. Furthermore, it's called Personal Business for a reason. My dating status is none of your business, so just because you don't see me with man; doesn't mean there isn't one in my life. Just because I wear nice clothes, don't assume I'm ballin; I just know how to shop cheap without looking cheap. Or because I don't engage your foolishness, don't label me "stuck up or mean".

That's all folks...have a truly blessed day.

Love to live; live to love!

yea, i said it...and?

I'm sure I'll catch some flack for this, but this is my blog and I can say what I want; so here goes.

I'm so sick to death of Beyonce. Yea, she's pretty, she can sing, and she can dance, but she's not the end all be all in female entertainment and/or talent. In fact, if we weren't SOS (so stuck on stupid for the acronym challenged), we'd recognize and appreciate artists like India.Arie, Goapele, Aya, for their artistic capabilities and talent. We, as women wouldn't get caught up in dumb ass lyrics that plague and pollute the airwaves like, "if you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it"; "let me upgrade you"; or "a diva is the female version of a hustler". Really? Actaully, a diva is NOT the female version of a hustler. A Diva is according to Webster's Universal College Dictionary, "a prima donna". So, if you're gonna go around singing about some foolishness, then make sure you know what the hell you're talking about.

And all this Chris Brown/Rihanna mess is on my last damn nerve too. Yea, I feel bad as hell that Rihnana got smacked into a new skin tone, but until either one of them makes an honest; I repeat honest statement about what happened, we'll never know. I'm sick of the rumors and speculation about what happened; who hit whom first, and who gave whom an STD and any other story that's circulating. Personally, a dude break bold and hit on me is unlikely to be the one going to the hospital...ask my ex husband about when he tried to break bad. I digress...I think they both need intervention and counseling to get to the root of their issues before there's any talk of reconciliation. A chic like me probably won't take your hitting on me ass back, but I'm not 19-20 years old in my first realn and paparazzi filled relationship either. I'm not eagerly following this story, but I do hope that they each get the help and care they need.

I DVR damn near everything I watch and Oprah the Cult Leader is one of the shows that's on the list. So, today's episode managed not to get deleted because I really don't care who won an Oscar or what the hell they were wearing or some other lame behind subject that she's been having. Anyway, to my point...Ed Doud, the father of the woman who had the octuplets was on and he was trying to defend his daughter and the choice she made to have all those kids. He spent the majority of the show contradicting himself while trying to shut Oprah up as she asked questions and then said, "so, tell us in your words why you wanted to be here" in the same breath. I kind of felt bad for dude because you could tell he was hurt that people were talking trash and kicking dirt on his kid, but he was also pissed and wished she hadn't done what she did. Personally, I think home girl has mad issues and has no real concept of reality, motherhood, and finances because there aren't too many sane women who'd put themselves in that position. Hell, roll up in the hood and ask Laqueesha an nem if they're happy about their six babies and 4 baby daddies even though they're getting a little child support and got Big Mamma to babysit when they wanna get their part time jayo on or hit the club. Yea, I'll bet you they'll say, "yo, that beyah is crayzee as awl heyall fo dat ish fo real doh!" I can barely stand to be at a kids birthday party, much less try to wrap my head around raising 14 damn kids. I'm one and done for a reason, ya heard! I wish old girl the best, but more importanly, I hope those kids don't suffer the fallout from her rather selfish act. Oh, and I damn sure fault that lame brained dr who inseminated her. He's one of the reasons malpractice insurance is so damn high. His license should be revoked and maybe he should be forced to pay child support for what he did.

Now, let me go back to Oprah for a second. Yea, I called her a cult leader and if you're honest and think about it for a second, you might actually agree. Think about how many products people have bought because Oprah said so. Remember that book scandal? Oprah endorsed some book, had dude on her show, everyone ran out and bought the book and then we found out that dude was a fraud. I bet if dude never made the Oprah show or had her endorse his book, that he wouldn't have gotten the amount of attention or sales he got. Acai berries have been around for quite some time, but because Oprah said it's a great weight loss and health aid, folk ran out and bought the product. I swear I wish I had something homegirl could endorse so I could get y'all nice folk to buy it and then I could go back to my little corner of the world with mad loot in my pocket and a little notoriety; why? Because Oprah said so!!!

For those of you old enough to know who Charlie Wilson is, will know that he has a new CD out. Even if you didn't know, you do now. Anyhoo, I don't recall the name of his new song, but I thought it was actually nice; well, that is until I heard him say "conversate". WHAT? Charlie Wilson aka Uncle Charlie, saying "conversate". I was done! Station change, I couldn't hear another note. It's bad enough we hear all kinds of unintelligible lyrics, mispronounced words, etc., in this so-called song from 20-30 something knuckleheads or stank behind chics, but to hear a grown ass man who's been making good songs for umpteen years say that mess just irks me. Tom Joyner. crusader for all things promoting good black consciousness should have called him on that when he had him on the show, but naw, he let's it slide. Well, I didn't...hell, with radio, that's why I play my iPod.

I am in no way offended by gay people, nor do I think they're an abomination, but I don't understand why some need to tag and label themselves and half the things they own with their rainbow flag. I have gay friends and have asked why it's done and I've gotten mixed reviews. Some have said, they're proud of themselves/sexuality and have no qualms letting anyone know. Others have said, it's not necessary to advertise; they're happy and secure in their sexuality without needing to put it out there. Okay, I get that, but that still doesn't completely answer or conclude my questioning. Let's face it, we may be living in 2009 and gay marriage is legal in some states, but people are still mean and will attack randomly. Say, a group of knucklehead kids are out with nothing to do but cause trouble and see a car with a rainbow flag on it, what's likely to happen? Ding! Ding! You guessed it, they're very likely to cause some form of damage to it for no other reason for it belonging to a gay person who tagged their whip. I'm not saying it's right, because I'm not, but for the love of sanity, can someone please make me understand. PLEASE!

This next topic is one that I fail to comprehend...why are grown ass folk getting their knickers in a twist over whether or not they're in someone's Top Friends on MySpace? Really? You've got to be out of your friggin minds...for real! I was getting my hair done a few weeks ago and I overheard a conversation where one woman said to another, "and I better be in your top", and she was dead ass serious and full of attitude. Is it really that serious? Some people take MySpace entirely too damn seriously for a social networking tool. I can't believe people really get into e-fights and even real life fights over who's who in someone's top friends list. Talk about insecurity. Wah! Cry me a friggin river and find something worthwhile to get twisted over.

I so can't stand VH-1 and their so-called Reality Shows. I've never seen so much crap as I've seen on there. Are that many people socially inept, desperate, lacing self-esteem that they'll publically and nationally embarass themselves for 15 minutes of fame or a chunk of change? Apparently yes and I refuse to sacrifice valuable grey matter on them and I think it's sad that so many people don't think like me, but then again; I'm not in my teens or early 20, which seems to be the chosen demographic for those shows. Those poor people, what a waste of time and energy!

I'm done now!


love to live; live to love!

mind dumping

I, too, am furious over the cartoon in the New York Post. I wish there was a way to say that this issue will blow over, but I highly doubt it. Racism is a long-standing issue in this country and as long as there are even just a few to fuel that fire, it will always be there. Yes, we elected a black president, which shows a progressive move by many Americans, but that doesn't mean other folk are happy about it. The sad reality is thatPresident Obama is going to be at the root of a lot more attacks like this one.

I was in Target the other night and saw two different white mothers snapping on their kids. Why did that amuse me? I think it's because I'm so used to seeing white mothers be rather and overly passive in terms of disciplining their children in public; if at all. I'm chuckling just thinking about it.

So, how is it that I had a Rx for 4 pills cost $7.34 and a 30-day supply cost me $0? I'm not necessarily complaining because that means my refills won't cost a thing, but it's still rather odd to me.

I'm not into Valentine's Day one iota, but how is it that when a dear friend asked if I'd be his Valentine, I was tickled by it?!

Jealousy and contempt for/of another is a pretty ugly thing, but when it comes from your own sister, that's unconscienable. Worse part, I haven't done jack to deserve it.

I sent a birthday card to one of my cousins for her birthday last month and from her reaction, you'd have thought I sent her a winning lottery ticket. See, folk, it's the simple things. A real card over a txt says a whole lot.

Lil Lady is the funniest kid I've probably ever encountered. She was telling me a story about her dad and another about her dog and I almost threw up in my mouth from laughing so hard. I love that kid!

I thought I'd hate Facebook, but I actually like it and check it almost daily.

I just had my first trip on 2009 and it was great. Nothing like 75-80 degrees when it's 33 back at home. The hotel was absolutely gorgeous and thanks to the hook up from my fave cuz, I got it for a friggin steal. Check out Wyndham Garden Hotel, Boca Raton, FL

I'm looking forward to the day when we, as a community, will stand up for something and stand together.

I think; actually, I know that we need to better educate our children on sex, sexual assault/abuse, and sexual respect. I'm saddened by the amount of young women and some boys who have no idea what the whole sexual thing is really about. So much so that we're leading many of the numbers for sexual abuse/sex crimes/STDs.

Mr. Toolbelt seems to have finally got the message that I don't want anything to do with him.

I'm still torn with Grandy, but seeing him recently did remind me how much I actually have missed him and how much I enjoy his company. I wonder how I'll feel in a few more months and another lengthy absense. *sigh*

An old college friend whom I shared a mutual attraction is digging me again and I really don't know how to handle it. I like him, but am not sure how I want to proceed with it. Damn those conflicted feelings!

I'm not a pill-popper for sport, but after conceding and now being on meds on a daily basis, I actually do feel better and more in control. It pays to be honest with yourself and your doctor.

I think it's funny that when someone has a baby and you get ga-ga over it, they say, "don't you wish you had another one?" Uhm? No! I'm one and done for a reason!!!

Speaking of babies, the newest addition to the family, Jadin; is gorgeous. He's a lighter version of his daddy.

And still speaking of kids, my godson will be 2 next month and the twins (other godchildren) will be 3 in May. Damn, it went fast!

In conclusion of kids, mine will be 17 this year. Now, that went quick! I still easily recall many of her younger days fondly.

I really want to see my fave brother this year. I'm praying that he'll get to come to visit me from London. I want to go home too!

Steve has been behaving badly...again, but I seem to have him in check. Thank goodness for the relief I got. *wink*

I really need some new music for my iPod, but I've been too lazy to research and download some.

I'm worried about a friend of mine and think I will finally ask her about some things. How can I call myself a friend, if I don't express my concern?!

I've been remiss in cooking lately, but I think I'll make up for it this weekend. Yes, you can come if you bring some wine. *smile*

Aiight folk, my lunchbreak is over so I gotta go. Have an amazing and blessed day y'all.

Love to live; live to love!

My Inner Self

In yesterday's comment, Ruthibelle asked why the Black Panther was a reflection of my inner self, (the pic I have on the right sidebar) so I've decided to explain...

Ever since I was a child, I knew what kind of personality I had...Feline! I'm the kind of person who can be very social, enjoy a certain amount of attention, and provide love and affection easily. On the other hand, I can withdraw and be content left to my own devices. I'm very independent, don't mind being alone and can fend for myself; however, can and will attack quickly and fiercely if provoked. Like a cat, I'll "hiss" at first to let you know you're entering into a danger zone and if the annoyance doesn't end, then I'll "bite or scratch" (verbally in the human case) and be done with it and the situation.

Of the many cats there are in existence, I feel I'm closely in keeping with Black Panthers...

"The Black panther is a rare, fearless, powerful and intelligent animal. It is one of the most aggressive and most feared animals in the world...Being symbols of power, courage, and leadership...Sometimes, animals are used to describe people’s personalities and characteristics. Black panthers are used to describe beautiful and courageous women. This is because black panthers are gentle and loving with their children, yet fearless in defending their families." (taken from Black Panther Animal)

The aforementioned description, does in large part describe the kind of person I am. I have two tattooes of Black Panthers; one is a panther in motion above my left ankle and one on my lower back of the head of a panther and its claws. It looks as if the head and claws are coming out of my back. I chose the latter because cats are stealthy and it represents my more dark side as if to say, "watch out if you mess with me!" The former is more delicate in appearance and I chose that one because it shows motion and I'm always on the move.

So, I hope that clarifies things for you Ruthibelle and anyone else who wondered, but didn't ask.

Love to live; live to love!

errant sprinklings of jewel dust

Okay, i know i've not blogged in a few weeks and i honestly don't know why not. well, i do, but that's a story for another day. i'm doing well, living life, and am completely and absurdly happy. i feel blessed beyond measure and suffer fools gladly as they try to steal my joy or try to intrude in my life where they're not wanted.

the following are some errant thoughts and things that have happened of late:

so, Mr. Toolbelt comes out of nowhere to call me @ 4:30 AM; yes, i said AM and talks a whole bunch of f*ckery of which made no logical sense to me given that we haven't spoken in months. the ONLY reason i even answered the phone was because i thought he was someone else. damn, those very close area codes...516 BAD 561 good. the former is the Toolbelts area code; so now you understand the blurry eyed confusion. about 5 days post his inappropriate call, he takes to phone stalking me. yes...really! this 41 y/o man resorts to this juvenile behaviour thinking it's going to impress me...NOT!!! This goes on for about 4 days tallying a total of 18 calls between my cell and work phone and 2 txts with his number to call him back...to date i have not and will not. this was all so disturbing to me that i had to consult with Mr. Slish our resident relationship advisor and life coach to get his take on the situation. as expected, he provided great insight and suggested i blog the story because it; in spite of its foolishness is rather funny. we'll see!

that aside, i'm debating whether or not i should continue to see my current beau whom we'll call Grandy. he's got 9 years on me and has grands; hence, his moniker. he's a great guy and i enjoy his company and spending time with him, but there are a few things that are leaving room for pause and doubt. so now i'm evaluating things and will have to have "the talk" with him to make a final decision.

and i jumped back in the pool why? *sigh*

lil lady and i have the most amazing relationship. we can and do talk about anything and everything. it's amazing how much she's grown and developed in the past year. we totally enjoy sharing time together and doing things; even if it's nothing more than a tv date night. parenting; though stressful at times; truly can be a fantastic experience. i'm loving it!

i finally updated my Facebook profile; posted my gov't name and have connected with some high school and college peeps and have even got some bloggers on my Friends List. i hope i'm better at this than i was on MySpace.

let me tell you about Steve. he's the 18 y/o libido that lives inside of me and he's one horny lil freaker. this is definitely a TMI moment, but indulge me if you will...since both turning 40, coming out of celibacy (after 2yrs), and just being at complete peace with myself, i finally WANT to have sex. and to make matters worse, my drive is like that of an 18 y/o boy; hence, why i actually named my libido. it's really scary how often i think about sex or want to have it. it's fortunate that i'm not the "sleep around" kind of gal or they'd be some broke men out there after i got done with them. i'm trying to take some control over Steve, but that lil freaker is strong and puts up a good damn fight for independence. i won't further ask you to indulge in any more TMI rantings, so we'll end here with this topic.

work is great! how many people can actually say that and mean it? i have a job that is only a 20 minute commute; i work 4 ten-hour days; giving me Friday's off and where necessary, i can flip my schedule. i enjoy the work i do, accept the challenges, and work with a great group of people. i can go home each day knowing i've accomplished something and that my work does not go unnoticed.

as i said in the opening of this post, i'm absurdly happy. in fact, this is the happiest i've been in years. i think; no, i know that it's because i refuse to accept drama in my life. i live my mantra love to live; live to love each day. i pray, meditate, and give thanks each and every day for my life and health. i find the beauty in each day even then things can and do go wrong. i don't dwell on what i don't have because there's plenty that i do have. i'm infinitely and divinely at peace.

i'm taking my first trip of 2009 next week to spend some time with friends/family and i can't wait.

for those who haven't seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button; should. it's a great movie with a great story line and promotes many positive messages. what i learnt the most was...life is a series of opportunities missed or taken. i probably didn't quote it exactly, but i know i am close. i choose to take as many opportunities as i can and enjoy them. i want to have quantity of life and have amazing memories in the process.

well, i better get some work done. have a fantastic day and may blessings be upon each of you.

love to live; live to love!

Mind dumping #2

I tell people, “I make crazy look sane” all the time. Said it recently, and the person was a little shook.

Why is it when you tell people you don’t do the bullshit and drama, it’s those very same people who bring it to you?

Words without action are just words.

Do things that make people not notice you for just your skin color.

If you haven’t done it already, call, txt, or write someone and let them know you love them or how much they mean to you.

Make sure you take care of your health and get your checkups/blood tests done. It’s better to know than not know. (Take that from a 1 year breast cancer survivor)

Clean out your closets emotionally, no good will come of any future relationship if you don’t.

Speak up, speak out, and stand for something.

Sometimes you can judge a book by its cover; people tend to show you who they are without ever opening up.

Actions speak loud as hell.

Never invest where there is no yield on your deposit; meaning stop being in or pursuing relationships with no progression.

Stop competing with the short bus and losing.

If you’re honest you never have to worry about anything you’ve said/done.

There is NO such thing as p*ssy or d*ck THAT good to make you act the damn fool over.

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is; honor your intuition.

If you’re grown and sexy; then act accordingly; nothing’s worse than grown folk acting a damn monkey and looking a triple hot mess.

Please, please, please STOP saying the following: irregardless, conversate, and putting ‘ted’ on the end of words that do not require it…lookted is NOT a word!

Make informed decisions and stop jumping on bandwagons.

Love!

bitchassrandomness

Okay, so I know I haven't posted in a while. Well, not since that little video of homeboy and is other personality. That was some funny ish right? I swear, if kids put half that creativity into doing something good, they'd be so much better off.

There's no real rhyme to reason why I haven't posted. I've been going through some things and I've needed to sort myself and my thoughts out. I'm not a quitter, but I do need to rest sometimes. I kind of missed posting and at the same time I didn't because I didn't want to feel forced to post just to say I did. I don't have a blog for ratings or popularity, but as an outlet because in spite of my absenses, I'm a pretty darn good writer. There are; however, times; like recently where writing wasn't something I wanted to do. I didn't want to be creative. I didn't want to feel that I needed to inspire anyone or say anything profound. Hell, most of what I've wanted to say would be profane and could cause a visit from the FCC. Hey, I'm being honest here.

Life has thrown me for some really crazy loops in the 11 months. I've come to terms with some things and people in my life and I'm still trying to make it to the light in the tunnel. I try to fathom how I make a decent salary and am broke more often than not. I try to understand why people say I'm such a good person, yet treat me with a lack of appreciation or understanding. Being a parent is a mofo of a job, but I signed up for it and can't resign now. My health is great, but I've been through something that made me thankful that I listened to my body and not ignore the pain. *I'll do a seperate post on that soon* As a result, it's made me even more of a health care advocate. I participate in health advocacy roundtables and try to get knowledge to take back to the community. BLACK PEOPLE NEED TO STOP THINKING THOSE EVENTS ARE JUST FOR WHITE FOLK! Yea, I said it! What? It's the damn truth.

I'm trying not to let life overwhelm me and make me feel unworthy. I call on my Father who listens to my prayers and knows the depth of what's in my heart. He listens 24/7 and has always been there to guide me even when I thought I wanted to go on another path. Faith is a great companion.

Lately, I feel moved by the power of "what if?" I've allowed myself to imagine things that I would ordinarily have ignored or dismissed. I'm allowing my heart to feel and express itself. It's a scary position to have placed myself in, but I realized that I can't go through life numb and think that I shouldn't have some intimate love or happiness in my life. While I continue to enjoy being single and celibate, I do still have feelings and miss the companionship of a male who's not a BFF or like a brother to me. I've got enough of those relationships in my life, so it's time to venture out a little. Well, it's sounds good in theory! *lol*

I'm to feeling "fat" again and I hate it. I hoped to have lost 10 pounds by now and I haven't. *ugh* While I'm within the confines of the weight standards for my age/build/height, I still feel awful. It's an issue that many of us face, but I can't address other people's issue. This is extremely personal and something that's been long ingrained into my psyche. I'm in no danger of ever having an eating disorder as I do like to eat, but I do have the tendency to become a little neurotic about it.

I pretty much don't listen to the radio AT ALL. I hate the crap they're calling music and find myself trolling iTunes for artists worthy of being recognized but aren't because they're not selling themselves out for image instead of talent or because major labels can't prostitute them. I'm deep into my Reggae Podcasts too, which give me quality music to listen to during the day at work when I'm giving the JewelPod a break.

I buy many of my polos and tanks in the childrens dept. at Target Old Navy because a Large or XL fits me well and is so much cheaper. I've become a huge fan of Aeropostale because they have nice clothes and bangin clearance sales. It feels good to get a hoodie for $4.99 instead of $44.50 and not feel like you're a season behind; or nice jeans for $4.99. I have gift cards for Macy's that I need to use, but the last time I was in there, the clothes sucked. What happened to Macy's being a pretty decent store? The ones by me suck. Maybe I'll go to the Macy's north of me or in NYC where I might actually find something worth buying.

I don't know about you, but I'm sick and tired of kids these days. I see girls going to proms in dresses that might make a hooker shudder. I hear of kids stealing from or beating up their grandmother. I see kids out of school when they should be in school. It's all too much. Where the hell did family and family values go? Where is the self-respect, kindess, and human decency go? A man was shot and killed in the development right next to lil lady's high school and I was sick to my stomach. All I could think of was how easily a kid could have been caught out there. The shooter and victim were 30 and 33 respectively, but damn, was it that serious?

I've created some new meals lately and will now be cooking for "lil sis" and her family when I'm doing my weeking cooking. I'm proud of her for asking me to help her have healthy meals for her and her family. I'd share recipies, but I actually rarely use them. I tend to create meals as I go along.

Well, I think that's all for now. I feel like I've adequately purged mentally. I wish you all a blessed day and thanks for reading.

Love!

mind dumping

i'm tired as hell

nipping ish in the bud is the best course of action

rewarding negative behavior is just wrong

an abused child forms a glitch in the global matrix

i need a vacation

you can show me better than you can tell me

"reach out and touch somebody's hand, make this world a better place if you can" powerful lyrics

why is Tiny (T.I's baby mama) registered at Babies R Us?

why do I know that fans are going to buy them stuff?

why am I appalled at that?

i think kids these days need to go through Basic Training

it just occurred to me that i haven't read this weeks PostSecret

Organized Noise doesn't seem to have his blog up and I'm on myspace too infrequently to keep in touch with him

shout out to Karrie.b cause you're such "an effin lady" *lol*

shout out to my regulars, who've stuck with me and thanks to the new visitors for stopping by

who's heard of MiraLenz?

i've noticed that some bloggers only visit you, if you visit them

i'm still intruiged by the bloggerazzi

"if loving you was a crime, i'd do 10-life, just to make you mine"

teenage girls who dress, think, and act grown have no idea what it's really like to be a woman

words are as poweful and painful as a slap in the face

if blacks are hated so much, why are we constantly being emulated?

Kim Khardashian = a big butt and a smile *singing, Poison by BBD*

i'd love to rewrite episodes of Y&R

i'd love to create my own soap opera

my mum's going to Jamaica on Sat and i'm not *sad face* but happy for her; she needs a break

well, that's enough from me for this edition of my random ish. It's currently 3:35 am and I can't wait to get to bed *yawn*

Love!