Gateways, portals, and other life exits/entrances!

I'm sure you've all heard the expression, "when one door closes; another one opens", but how many truly believe that? How many look for; or see that there is a blessing with the closing of one door and the anticipation of waiting for another to open? Honestly, I don't think many of us do. Many get immediately dispondent and think that the world as we know is going to come to an end.

It's a known fact, that God does not give us more than He knows we can handle and if we don't handle it, it's not His fault, but ours for having little faith in His word, comfort, and direction. In the many trials I've been through in my life, the one thing I never did was cry the blues or think "woe, is me". While I might not have been able to understand the trial as I was going through it, I never gave up on my faith that I'd come out on top; or at least through to the other side.

In the recent months, I've been the recipient of prayers answered and I realized it was because I allowed doors to both open and close. I realized that I must reconcile with things and people in order to complete the cirlcle and be the receiver of the blessing yet to be shown. There were doors that seemed like they'd be impossible to close and/or walk through; however, I did by remaining prayerful and faithful.

In a world where it's so easy to quit, blame others, or hide behind what seems comfortable, I know I can not be that person. I won't be ostrich like and bury my head in the sand, while claiming that the events in my life are a series of unfortunate acts. Every experience is a good experience as far as I'm concerned because all good is nothing without having the bad to appreciate it.

In a recent turn of events in my life, I rested on my gut instinct that what I was going through was in fact a blessing in disguise. In spite of the shock, I trusted that I would be okay and that I would be victorious. I allowed the door to close, took time to clear and ease my mind, body, and spirit, and now am reaady to walk through the opening door and receive all that is to come to me. The door wthat will now open for me will be filled with even more reward than I'd gotten previously and I'll be in a position to be and do more with myself and my life. So, to those who thought their way was better than His way, well, know that you can't box with God and His armour of protection remains steadfast around those who trust and believe in Him and His word. I give thanks and praise to my Heavenly Father for instilling His grace, mercy, and favor upon me.

With each day, I grow stronger in so many ways and I do not take anything for granted. As I prepare for my 41st year to end, I look back with happiness and gratitude for the doors that closed and those that opened for me. In review, I know that each one was a intrical part of continuing my growth. Over the course of the next 37 days, I will walk in and out of a few more doors and on the 38th day, I'll welcome in my new year; and will walk through that door with pride that I've made it one more year.

Love to live; live to love!

Thank You!

As I journey through another transition in my life, I continue to give honour, thanks, and praise to my heavenly Father. Even when I don't always know or understand the circumstances that seem out of my scope of comprehension, I trust in He that sustains me. I allow His righteousness and goodness to guide my path and rely on my faith to continue to carry me through. I've come too far to turn back now and I know that with each trial; there is an equal or greater triumph.

I truly believe that there is nothing I can't do without Him and whatever He has ordained in my life; it will come to pass. The Bible says, "you have not because you ask not...". Well, I have because I do ask and I do pray, and I do believe. I am forever grateful that there is someone in my life who'll be there night or day; good or bad; right or wrong. My way is His way as best I can because no matter what I am a sinner, but I am a saint each time I stand strong, seek forgiveness, and strive to be and do better. My life has been a series of opportunities missed and taken; however, the latter reigns supreme because I put God into what I do.

I am 49 days away from my next new year and as I am in the closing phase of my old year, I look back with pride as I see the growth; the increased potential; the improved confidence; the exacting of things I've proclaimed for myself; the spiritual wealth I've gained; and the happiness that manifests in my life. Love for myself; for my family/friends; for my life is infinite and I truly rest in the words that "no weapon formed against me shall prosper".

Each day I rise is another reason to celebrate. Each day I live is another reason to be thankful. Each day I can touch another life affirmatively means, I'm honouring Jesus' death for my salvation. Each day I can share His word, means my faith has multiplied. There is not a day that I am not grateful. There will not be a day where I will not give thanks.

With transition, comes the responsibility to utilize each and every experience and make your life count.

So, today I share my gratitude first and foremost with my heavenly Father and then to all those who are in my life and those who'll cross my path.

The following came from my Daily Word...

I am grateful!

Starting the day in gratitude, my first prayer is Thank You, God! I am grateful for beauty and love, for surprises and excitement, for friendship and community, and for the presence of God in all.

Even if I may be going through a challenging experience, I am grateful, for I know that good will come from it. Will I learn of inner strength that I didn't know I had? Will I gain a renewed appreciation for my life and the people in it?

I am grateful for my present circumstances, for I know they offer opportunities for growth. I thank God for the life I have been given and the life I am creating by seeing the good in all that comes before me.

"Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving."--Psalm 95:2

Live to love; love to live!

Love's Divine

I've waited all my life for the love of my life to walk in and one day he did. There he was standing there in his deep caramel visual splendor and it was love at first sight. It's a feeling that is unexplicable and there is absolutely nothing I could ever compare it to. Fortunately for me, the feeling was mutual and it was the making of one intense, absolute, perfectly (at least perfect for us) formed, serendipitous, fate-driven, and passionate relationships we'd ever had. Sadly, all things that glitter aren't always gold, and we spent the next 14 years in one still intense, but bittersweet relationship.

Talk about hills and valleys, rollercoasters, and other such adjectives to describe the complexities of well placed, but often untimely relationship; however, the love that existed between us never went away in spite of whom we were with. Denial was never a factor in what did or didn't happen between us; it was more a fear on his part that I would somehow change from the woman he'd fallen for to some other woman once he was in the relationship. Given that I've not changed; at least for the worst in 14 years, he really didn't have anything to fear except his own vulnerability in letting go once and for all.

After honest, open, continual, and forthright conversations, we've finally come to the place where we started all those years prior. The intense feelings; the passion; the connection; and the love is even more solid than ever and we're finally; not just on the same page, but in the same sentence. Love is patient and it is kind; and the due dilligence paid has now paid off. Love's Divine is what I'm feeling and it's more stronger and powerful than the bionic and woman combined.

Time has been the true testiment to this story and right now I'm experiencing what it means to love to live; live to love and man does it ever feel good.

Love to live; live to love!

wow! just wow!

A long-standing prayer has been answered and I have to give thanks, honour and glory to my heavenly Father for knowing the needs of my heart and acting in my favour. It took years of praying, hoping, and patience, but God never acts before it's time.

I feel blessed beyond measure right now. I've had a smile pasted on my face all morning. I feel His presence in and around me and man does that ever feel good. Transitions are beautiful things when you embrace the opportunities and times of change in your life.

I may not have a lot of things, but my wealth in life is great and nothing can compare to that measure of prosperity. My well spring is full and runneth over and my abundance is exceeding to me, my life, and those I share it with.

In the words of the song, "...it is well with my soul..."

Have an amazing day blog family; make it count always; in ALL ways!

Love to live; live to love!

exceedingly; abundantly good

So, my life exceedingly abundantly good! Why? Because two years ago (June 27th to be exact), I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I endured biopsies, tests upon tests, major surgeries; and am now a two year survivor. I'm an even greater health advocate than I was prior to my diagnosis; feel infinitely blessed for having maintained a strong and positive disposition through it all; and know that withouth God's influence and my support system, it wouldn't have been easy.

God who continues to love me, guide me, and provide me with all the things I need.

I have the most amazing daughter! She is absolutely beautiful inside and out; has maintained being on the High Honor Roll for this; how her Junior year (completed), is a Varsity Scholar, and is in the National Honor Society. She's an only; only (neither her father nor I have other children) and although she pretty much gets what she wants; she's not a brat. We have and open and honest relationship where she share just about everything. She's not just my daughter; she's my best friend and damn, if the Lord didn't bless me above measure with her.

I have the most amazing church family. Big shout out to the Macendonia Baptist Church. It's a small; but intimate congregation where there is no pretense; none of that other drama that comes with black churches. We all get along; look out for each other; and share the Word. My faith and spirituality has grown exponentially in the few months I've been there and I truly feel like it's home.

I'm going through an amazing growth with an old friend. We've been friends for 14 years and right now this is the closest we've ever been. Even though our falling out broke my heart; forgiveness has closed the gap and we're in a better place than ever before. We live in a society where everything is disposable and people lack the will to fight, but this friendship means the world to both of us and we're equally happy to have gotten back in the ring to fight for it.

Mentors/Role Models...wow! I don't even know how to begin this one. My Girl; you know who you are. The talks, the laughs, and the amazing bond that we share. You're truly wonderful and you're priceless. My minister/surrogate mother; you're so awesome. You encourage, guide, inspire, and support me in so many ways. You've been such a rock in my foundation for the past couple of years and you continue to help me be the best woman I can be. Rosemarie, even though we've never met, you inspire me immensely. My male BFF My Boy; you are the bestest a girl could ask for. We fight; we play; and we're R.o.D's (Ride or Die). To those of you I haven't named, please don't think I've forgotten you cause I haven't. I guess I'm gonna have to do another post dedicated to those who are pillars in my structure.

For life and all that comes with being a part of it. I refuse to let cloudy day ruin my sunny disposition. I may not have much, but I have enough and have what I need. Being positive and remaining steadfast in my convictions and having faith that is unwavering is the best security blanket ever. I walk by faith and not by sight and pray with conviction and intention. I live my life to the fullest and accept the rains that come as cleansing tools to wash away the negative and make way for even more positivity. I go hard with all I do and strive to be the best I can be always; in all ways.

love to live; live to love!

Suicide is not an option!

In light of the many negative experiences I’ve had, it’s anyone’s guess how I managed to survive without the use of drugs, alcohol, or being promiscuous, but I’m happy to say I have. From sexual, physical, and emotional abuse to the endurance toxic relationships and self-inflicted cutting, I’ve looked back on my life with awe. I recall so many times when I wondered, “how the heck am I going to make it through this?”, but somehow I did. And although I had a sometimes contentious relationship with religion, I always understood The Word and how important faith and prayer was. Even in my darkest hours, my spirituality and faith guided me and it was that blind walk that led me through. As it’s said, “walk by faith and not by sight”.

When I made the revelation that I used to cut myself, those that I told thought I was somehow trying to kill myself; that was not the case. I was instead trying to kill the pain I felt and the conflicted feelings, which often ran through my veins with a hold worse than heroin. I’ve finally healed that issue in my life and it’s been close to 5 years (I think...I stopped counting) since I last cut myself. Even better than that, I don’t even have the desire to digress as I refuse to allow anything or anyone to stress me that badly. I’m blessed to have a really good foundation of support to rest on when my own footing is weak.

Over the years, I’ve come to realize and recognize that suicide in any form is not an option. We all find ways to ‘kill’ ourselves and it must stop. We must find ways to reduce and eliminate pain in our lives. We must find a spiritual place to release ourselves and find the strength to go on and endure. We must get out of relationships platonic or intimate that bring no real joy or substance to our lives; stop holding onto people that simply aren’t worthy of you, your love, or your time. Although this economy doesn’t afford many to find alternative employment, so if you have to remain in a position you don’t like, find a way to make it work for you instead of you for it. There is no encore for life; this is it so adhere to the following:

Birth Certificates show that we were born.
A Death Certificate shows that we died
Pictures show that we lived!

How many pictures do you have?

This prayer was in my Daily Devotional today…

God of abundance, thank you for your grace. How great are all the blessings that fill our lives! Amen.

I find it completely appropriate for not only this post, but for life as a whole. And when you need a spiritual boost; this song will give you some support, joy, and guidance.

Can't Give Up Now - Mary Mary

There will be mountains that I will have to climb
And there will be battles that I will have to fight
But victory or defeat, it's up to me to decide
But how can I expect to win If I never try.

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

Never said there wouldn't be trials
Never said I wouldn’t fall
Never said that everything would go the way I want it to go
But when my back is against the wall
And I feel all hope is gone, I'll just lift my head up to the sky
And say help me to be strong

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

[Hook:]No you didn't bring me out here to leave me lonely
Even when I can't see clearly
I know that you are with me (so I can't)

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

Love to live; live to love!

It is well with my soul!

Whenever things seem to want to go wrong, it tends to want to happen quickly and heavily. As you read from my last post, I encountered a problem at my home, which required immediate attention and took my out of my budget. I prayed on the situation and asked God to show me the way. I give thanks for the challenges I've faced in my life because as the quote says, "...you are greater than any obstacle"; however, there are days when I still feel the turbulence coursing through my veins and I don't know how I'm going to calm it down. Naturally, I reach out to my heavenly father because I know He's got the answers and will show me the way. I also know that there are angels here who are used through Him to be the calm in the storm, to lend a hand; an ear; or a shoulder.

This morning was full of turbulence and I reached out for my Bible and read Psalms 4 and the first few chapters of Psalms 5 and immediately felt relaxed and drifted into a short but deep slumber. After getting up, I read Believer 1964's blog that she posted July 13 and after listening to Wintley Phipps sing It Is Well With My Soul, I knew God had used her to guide and calm me. It was from her blog that I took the quote I've used in this post. I read the scripture she has under the quote (Romans 8:28) and again was moved my how He knew what I needed to read.

Tears welled in my eyes and flowed as I received the song into my heart and soul and accepted the words as my personal blessing.

Fellow bloggers, life is a temporary assignment (saw that on a t-shirt) and we have to live it well. God is the way maker and never gives us more than we can handle. I thank each of you for your contributions in my life. Though I may not know you all personally, I still know that you have all been or will be us for a purpose.

Please take a moment to visit Believer 1964's blog because she truly is a God send to me and I know you can find something for yourself in the July 13th post.

Let all be well with your soul today.

Love!

untitled

I'm not sad or discouraged because I know the works He has for me, but it's fair to say that I'm a little disappointed at the moment. I read this in my Daily Word is and it kind of sums up my need.

It was only a brief little note,
Or a word that was prayerfully spoken,
Yet not in vain, for it soothed the pain
Of a heart that was nearly broken. —Anon.

Hope can be ignited by a spark of encouragement.

Please extend a small prayer in my favor to give me continued strength and the encourgement to forge on ever thankful and ever sure.

Love!

lyrically speaking

The Blu in my Jewel has been a little dim for a few days, but with prayer, good friends, and faith I'm managing to make it through. There have been some songs that have gotten me through those moments where I was holding tightly to the knot in the rope.

Check out the following links to the lyrics:

Didn't Cha Know

Strength, Courage and Wisdom

Come This Far By Faith

Standing in Need of Prayer

The Prayer

Stay up and be blessed.

Love!

heartstrings

When taking new steps in life, you realize that the only path you can walk is your own. You can't follow the direction someone else wants for you because it's not your destiny. Knowing this and owning it can cause some malaise with others, but you must remain diligent and forge on your way.

One must truly be true to themselves and own whatever they know themselves to be. Living for someone else will only cause pain and contention as you're not being authentic and if you can't love yourself for whom you are, you can't expect to be loved in return. Well, at least not in the manner you feel you deserve. Life is about acceptance. It's about knowing someone's flaws and loving or liking them in spite of. We can love someone and not like them for something they've said or done, but at the end of the day, love should always prevail. Human compassion should allow us to see past our own selfishness or misgivings on a person on situation. Life as we know is short. Brushes with our mortality are only a breath away and who wants to live their life in a manner that's not conducive to their own happiness. We can not and will not get everything we want in life and we certainly can't appreciate something good if we've never experienced something bad. The trials in life surely become triumpths. We must remove the rose colored glasses and look at life with both eyes.

My heart if full dear ones. The proverbial fork in the road is trying to deter me, but I can not allow it to win. I must continue on and allow myself to see the forest for the trees, to take time to enjoy and appreciate the many splendors around me, and bottom line; I must simply just be me. I am only as weak as I allow myself to yeild. I am a beautiful child of God and He made no mistake in creating me. I keep His words close in mind where He leads, I will follow.

Proverbs 2:6-11

the growth

My transitions (as I said yesterday) over the past few months have been many. Some have been scary; some stressful; many emotional, and finally all worthwhile. Each experience has taught me more and more about myself and about people in general.

I've found that good people do bad things intentionally and unintentionally and given the opportunity to make things right they will or will at least try to. On that same premise, I've found that even given the opportunity to make amends, they are still held in contempt. I looked at this situation deeply and explored the many reasons why this happens and found that people will forgive, but certainly not forget. Even if they say they have or will; they won't. I took it one step further and sought pastoral insight to find that those who say they forgive, only do it to make the other person feel better, while it can still be used as a weapon of emotional control . Why? Because the person isn't willing to look deep within themselves or they are dealing with their own emotional shortcomings to see themselves from another perspective. Many people uphold expectations of others because they think they're morally right or that's how they feel they would be in a given situation; the fact of the matter is that we all fall short and it's not based on magnitude; it's based on the deed period.

I've learned that strength is formed in times of weakness and when we're pushed beyond our limits. Allowing oneself moments of true humility and vulnerability are essential and the character that's built from those moments are great and magnificent. Finding ways to reduce or eliminate drama and stress are also effective tools in mental, physical, and emotional growth because we relieve ourselves of the unnecessary clutter in our lives, fill ourselves with wholesome things, and take the toxicity out of states of being. I haven't had a migraine in months, my degenerated disk has been rather tolerable, and the intermittent shoulder blade pain I would get from a car accident hasn't resurfaced. I attribute these physical successes to my mental and emotional cleansing. I now say no when I can't or don't really want to do something. I try to rest when my body says rest, and I do not allow another's issues to become a part of me. I can and will provide support to someone in need, but that's all I can do. I can not allow myself to be their sponge.

Strengthing in my faith and taking time to speak with those who know The World has also been a considerably beneficial experience. The right words at the right time is like being fed the best meal you could ever imagine. Saying, "thank you Jesus" has become rather demeaned as it's said so casually, but putting some true emphasis behind it and taking the time to reflect on what you're thanking Him for makes it really count. I'm in a great place in my life right now. I'm happy, more confident and secure in myself, I have great family and friends, and I know what my walk in life is and is about. I truly understand and utilize the Serentity Prayer as a part of daily life. There are and will be negative events and people in my life, but through it all, I still look to find something positive in it all.

Life is good and it's all love!

That which does not break us...

Since my last post, I've been going through something that has in no way caused me to doubt my faith or trust in God; it simply gave me pause. Shock and confusion and even a little denial took residence in my because the situation was completely the contrary to anything I could have imagined.

I'm surrounded by quality friends, family, a great pastor, and with them I know I'll be okay. As I read the Word and Ralph Marston's daily inspiration, I was reminded that one cannot sit in a fog nor should one limit themselves due to an illness, lack of confidence in something, or feel as if they're not good enough or worthy. There is much we can do if we put our minds to it and that which does not break us, will truly make us stronger.

"Negative thoughts fog your thinking and your perception. With each doubt, with each frustration, with each fear the fog grows heavier.
After a while, it becomes difficult to see how to move forward. And that just makes the fog even thicker.
The fog of negative thinking prevents you from seeing and acting on your best possibilities. Instead of focusing on moving forward, you're able only to give your attention to the petty distractions of the moment.
There is something, though, that will burn off that fog. It is determined, passionate, meaningful intention.
Give your energy to positive purpose, and the fog will begin to lift. Then step confidently through what's left of the fog, and you'll quickly leave it behind.
At times it may seem that there's no escaping the fog of your negative thoughts, yet at any time you can choose to be free. Fill your spirit with true purpose, and your best possibilities will come clearly into view." -- Ralph Marston

I'm in no way a quitter; never have been and never will be. I'm completely unbreakable, undeniable, and unsinkable. One of my talents aside from writing is, making it through the storm one way or another and this time will be no different. Negative thinking produces negative energy and there's already enough of that in the world, so I have to swim upstream even though the journey may be harder that way. I reflected on these words this morning and was inspired to finally get a post up...

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul.”—Psalm 23:1-3". I read "he restores my soul" over and over again and couldn't help but feel uplifted and inspired. I am a child of God and He will take care of me.

We all know how short and precious life is and we all know how easy it is to get sidetracked and look at our trials negatively instead of realizing there is a lesson to be learned and testimony to profess. My trial has brought forth some healing, some overdure reconcilliation, and a lot of clarity. And for that alone, there is much to be grateful for. So, I implore each of you to find that which will not break you and make yourselves stronger. I implore each of you to have your soul restored. Most of all, be thankful and grateful each and every day and when that fog starts to set it, become that lighthouse; that beacon of strength, hope, and inspiration to yourself and others.

Love!

Armed and dangerous!

Today was a good day. My day started with prayer and thanksgiving to my Divine Father. From there my ride to work was blessed with listening to Shirley Cesear singing that "God can take care of it" followed by CeCe Winans singing, "It's Gonna Be Alright". Upon arriving at work, my morning was further blessed by my Daily Word reading "Yes" which spoke of God's blessings and how things were going to be okay. I was armed with a great "breakfast" and was ready to take on my day.

It went progressively well until I made a phone call that would send me into a semi tailspin. Upon the rude and childish termination of the call by the other party, I immediately went into prayer because I was not going to allow myself to be reduce to hells level. I called in some "soldiers" who were armed and ready to jump into the battlefield. After my soldiers fell in line, the situation was for the moment mitigated and all was well. At least for the moment anyway.

Later that evening, as I tried to do my part to put some rationality into the situation, I was met with the devil's incarnate and was called one of the most heinous names you can call a woman and while I was immediately offended, I realized it was another call to action. I put my armor back on and called on my Divine Father and one of my soldiers and we were ready to defend my honor and put some water on hells fire. The situation was once again mitigated; well as much as it can be and I let go and let God do what He needs to do from this point on.

Life has taught me some ugly lessons and exposed me to some ugly people and today I was met with both. Through my faith, I was shown what true resiliency is and I was awestruck by it. I was shown that my friends are the kind that you don't really wanna test when it comes to defending me and mine. I know that the power of being rational even when everything in you is telling you otherwise and most of all, I showed that the power of a woman is nothing to be tested especially when her mind is made up to right a wrong. I'm proud of my will, my determination, my friends, and most of all my faith. I know now more than ever that there is nothing that is brought to me that I can't get through and that a strong mind and sheer determination is better than reducing oneself to the pathetic actions of others.

I lifted this post from jus.b.fli and it's befitting of this post....

"Never expect a blessing without some burdens.
Sometimes the burden is a sign of just how valuable the blessing is.
Don’t let the burden blow the blessing."

After the experience I had, I know there's a great blessing in store for me. Thank you Jesus!!!