It's bad enough Fantasia came out with that song Bittersweet, which made think of a certain someone, but in truth it did more than that. What it did was take me for a stroll down memory lane where I recounted the many days and nights we shared. There were some very long talks; there were some nights of passionate love making; there were some nights were we just held each other as if it was our last night together; and there were even some nights were I cursed his very existence. In spite of it, he made and indelible mark on my life and I'm not sure there will be another like him, which is probably a good thing anyway; no one needs a replica of another person.
Our time together was life defining and an experience that at least afforded me some much needed life/love lessons on trust, endurance, faith, friendship; to name a few. For a long time I wondered what my life would be without him in it and for a little while, I found out. It was good for the learning curve and to force each of us to grow up in many ways. We came back to each other as we always did; the boomerang effect, but never enough to form the commitment I used to think we should have.
Time, distance, and honest growth has shown me that I'm okay with how things have turned out between us. Finally letting go pf him, was the best way of holding on to me. Truth be told, I have had a moment or two where I wanted to feel the intense draw of our chemistry; the trepidation of the kiss; and finally the passion of our love making, but that was then and this is now. We had a good run and we're still friends, which for most isn't easy to maintain, but I'm good with where we are now. We'll always be on the same street; just driving in different cars.
It's all possible!
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
24 May 2010
28 April 2010
From afar
This past Saturday, i had an opportunity to see Heart's Desire as he was on the east coast for business. In light of what I'm going through, seeing him was a pleasant detour from my current journey and sharing time with him filled in some of the emptiness in my life.
Our time was limited due to his having to head back to NY that evening, but limited time was still time enough as quality over quantity prevails in my book.
The feelings we have for each other are still very much in tact and it's amazing how two people remain so well connected in spite of a three thousand mile gap between them. It served to remind me that distance is no match for what one feels in their heart. Lil Lady likes him; even after only meeting him twice now and believes that the company he recently did business with will make him an offer he can't refuse and he'll be hack on the east coast. She is absolutely convinced that he and I will end up together and that the current she in his life doesn't have his heart; I do. Rather impressive and lofty thoughts, but I embrace them as we are well suited for each other.
Right now, I need every positive thought I can get and have, so I'll take it and tuck it into my heart as I continue to get little reminders that delay does not mean denial.
Enjoy your day family.
It's all possible!
Our time was limited due to his having to head back to NY that evening, but limited time was still time enough as quality over quantity prevails in my book.
The feelings we have for each other are still very much in tact and it's amazing how two people remain so well connected in spite of a three thousand mile gap between them. It served to remind me that distance is no match for what one feels in their heart. Lil Lady likes him; even after only meeting him twice now and believes that the company he recently did business with will make him an offer he can't refuse and he'll be hack on the east coast. She is absolutely convinced that he and I will end up together and that the current she in his life doesn't have his heart; I do. Rather impressive and lofty thoughts, but I embrace them as we are well suited for each other.
Right now, I need every positive thought I can get and have, so I'll take it and tuck it into my heart as I continue to get little reminders that delay does not mean denial.
Enjoy your day family.
18 February 2010
Sanctuary
You came back into my life
And from day one
Effortlessly peeled away the layers
Until you reached my innermost sanctum
Taking up residency like a stubborn squatter
As if my soul was where you were supposed to be
© 2010
It's all possible!
And from day one
Effortlessly peeled away the layers
Until you reached my innermost sanctum
Taking up residency like a stubborn squatter
As if my soul was where you were supposed to be
© 2010
It's all possible!
14 February 2010
It's a little sweeter!
Okay, since my last post, I've been hit by more snow than a woman a should have to shovel, but oh well, the good of the bad is that my arms, shoulders and back are in optimal condition.
Thank you all for your support and such with my last post and here's an update to that.
Since, The Him's email, we've continued to communicate as friends, although some of our conversations have taken not just a left turn Albuquerque; but went up the mountain too. How? You might ask, so I shall tell...
I volunteered to update his resume as he's going through some things at work and is seeking new employment. In doing so he thanked me and I replied saying, "my pleasure" and he sighed. Naturally, I was concerned and asked what could be wrong. He replied, "nothing I can fix right now". Me being me, said some encouraging things to boost his spirits thinking it was work related. A few minutes later, he said, "thanks. lol. It's YOU!" I blushed every hue of red, realizing the impact of what he said and meant. *cue Hawa's comment about "his little experiment*!
Anyhoo, the conversation went back and forth about his feelings for me and how connected he feels to me. This line of conversation went on for almost a week and it's blatantly obvious that his feelings are like the still river running deep and it's only the distance (he's on the left coast if I didn't mention that before) that's the problem.
So, here I am with feelings deep enough to swim in and I'm cool with that. I take comfort in knowing that the feelings involved are completely mutual and his honesty makes him even more attractive. We've lyrically spoken which is another effective means of our on-going communication and that in itself is rather attractive. *cue the harps and angels*
In closing, I'll say that this is probably the best relationship I've never had and I'm enjoying every waking minute of it. It feels good to feel and it's even better to know that there's reciprocity involved. Those who are in my innermost circle are all sending positive vibes into the universe and they're all conspiring in my favour to ensure that "his little experiment" does not produce favourable results and he becomes mine; all mine and the distance will be replaced.
It's great to have such wonderful cheerleaders in my life. *high kicks and pom-poms in the air*
There you have it readers; another update in the life of Blu Jewel.
Oh, B2B how'd do you like this pic?
It's all possible!
Thank you all for your support and such with my last post and here's an update to that.
Since, The Him's email, we've continued to communicate as friends, although some of our conversations have taken not just a left turn Albuquerque; but went up the mountain too. How? You might ask, so I shall tell...
I volunteered to update his resume as he's going through some things at work and is seeking new employment. In doing so he thanked me and I replied saying, "my pleasure" and he sighed. Naturally, I was concerned and asked what could be wrong. He replied, "nothing I can fix right now". Me being me, said some encouraging things to boost his spirits thinking it was work related. A few minutes later, he said, "thanks. lol. It's YOU!" I blushed every hue of red, realizing the impact of what he said and meant. *cue Hawa's comment about "his little experiment*!
Anyhoo, the conversation went back and forth about his feelings for me and how connected he feels to me. This line of conversation went on for almost a week and it's blatantly obvious that his feelings are like the still river running deep and it's only the distance (he's on the left coast if I didn't mention that before) that's the problem.
So, here I am with feelings deep enough to swim in and I'm cool with that. I take comfort in knowing that the feelings involved are completely mutual and his honesty makes him even more attractive. We've lyrically spoken which is another effective means of our on-going communication and that in itself is rather attractive. *cue the harps and angels*
In closing, I'll say that this is probably the best relationship I've never had and I'm enjoying every waking minute of it. It feels good to feel and it's even better to know that there's reciprocity involved. Those who are in my innermost circle are all sending positive vibes into the universe and they're all conspiring in my favour to ensure that "his little experiment" does not produce favourable results and he becomes mine; all mine and the distance will be replaced.
It's great to have such wonderful cheerleaders in my life. *high kicks and pom-poms in the air*
There you have it readers; another update in the life of Blu Jewel.
Oh, B2B how'd do you like this pic?
It's all possible!
02 February 2010
Bittersweet
Well, as you all know I’d fallen for an old friend and things between us were good. The distance as we both knew would present us with a problem. In spite of it, we managed to maintain and sustain good communication and correspondence.
It was known that we’d both been dating other people off and on; however, it didn’t take away from what we felt for each other. I had the biggest challenge of all because I’d prayed with my entire being that he’d be mine for keeps this year. The few people who knew the intricate details surrounded me with their support and encouraged me to allow myself to feel and fall; especially given what the former Him had taken me through.
I have absolutely no regrets for opening my heart and emotions and allowing myself to fall completely in love. Hell, I needed to experience it to know that I could in fact love someone other than the Former and the feelings go requited without compromise.
Well, last night; in the most sincere and even romantic of ways, the current Him said that he and the woman he’d been seeing on and off had discussed becoming monogamous and he was going to give it a go. Naturally, this is not what I wanted to hear; however, in the spirit of honesty and the respect for our friendship, how could I take the news that would bruise my heart badly? Yes, believe me, it felt like a mule kicked me in my gut, but again, he was open and honest with me and that means far more to me than losing him. The reality is that I haven’t lost him entirely; we’re still friends and will remain as such. We’ll continue to correspond; we just have to do it within different confines. I will not flirt and/or be suggestive in any way as that defiles both my integrity and his pending relationship.
I sincerely wished him well with his decision and told him that I hope she treats him well or she’ll have me to deal with. *lol* You know I had to go there.
All jokes aside, I can only love and respect him more for his candor and honesty and it attests to the wonderful man that he is inside and out. He even stated that ordinarily he’d just stop communicating, but his affinity toward me prevented him from doing that and I deserved the truth. Wow!
So, there you have it; the update on my love status. I guess I’ll resume my seat on the back of the bus and keep riding until it’s worth getting off again.
It was known that we’d both been dating other people off and on; however, it didn’t take away from what we felt for each other. I had the biggest challenge of all because I’d prayed with my entire being that he’d be mine for keeps this year. The few people who knew the intricate details surrounded me with their support and encouraged me to allow myself to feel and fall; especially given what the former Him had taken me through.
I have absolutely no regrets for opening my heart and emotions and allowing myself to fall completely in love. Hell, I needed to experience it to know that I could in fact love someone other than the Former and the feelings go requited without compromise.
Well, last night; in the most sincere and even romantic of ways, the current Him said that he and the woman he’d been seeing on and off had discussed becoming monogamous and he was going to give it a go. Naturally, this is not what I wanted to hear; however, in the spirit of honesty and the respect for our friendship, how could I take the news that would bruise my heart badly? Yes, believe me, it felt like a mule kicked me in my gut, but again, he was open and honest with me and that means far more to me than losing him. The reality is that I haven’t lost him entirely; we’re still friends and will remain as such. We’ll continue to correspond; we just have to do it within different confines. I will not flirt and/or be suggestive in any way as that defiles both my integrity and his pending relationship.
I sincerely wished him well with his decision and told him that I hope she treats him well or she’ll have me to deal with. *lol* You know I had to go there.
All jokes aside, I can only love and respect him more for his candor and honesty and it attests to the wonderful man that he is inside and out. He even stated that ordinarily he’d just stop communicating, but his affinity toward me prevented him from doing that and I deserved the truth. Wow!
So, there you have it; the update on my love status. I guess I’ll resume my seat on the back of the bus and keep riding until it’s worth getting off again.
14 January 2010
Act of kindness
As we all know, the earthquake in Haiti has devastated the island and has left tens of thousands of people dead, homeless, and in an even more grave state than before. Naturally, this saddened people globally and now people are rallying to come to the aid of Haitians.
Why is it that it always takes something like that for people to share their humanity for those less fortunate than themselves? Hell, why can't people just be kind a caring period?
Coming from a Jamaican family, I know first hand the importance of taking care of your own and those around you. Jamaicans are a proud people, but never too proud to give and help others. Jamaican families that leave JA always send barrels of food and clothing back to their family and community to ensure people are taken care of. If they can't send the item that way, they'll find someone who's going home and ask them to carry things for them. It's a cultural practice that is almost innate. I know many other islands have the same practice, so why can't people here do it for their neighbours and/or communities?
I live less than 1o minutes from a town the produces the high concentration of blueberries in the nation. Each year, these farms use migrant workers from South America and Haiti to cultivate said farms. Last summer I was plagued with the thought of what to do with several bags of clothes and shoes that I no longer had need for, but didn't really want to give them to the local agencies as I know for fact that some of them aren't dispensing the items to the intended recipients. After driving through what's locally called Haitian Nation; the area where the Haitians workers are housed, I decided I would give them the clothing/shoes. I practiced my French and delivered the clothing/shoes to the very grateful people who thanked me profusely for my kindness.
Doing this brought so much joy to my soul and I felt good for my choice of recipients. This is something I've decided I will continue to do every summer. Sadly, I'll be doing it under far more grave conditions this year. The clothing/shoes that I would have given locally will now be sent to Florida to a dear friend who is Haitian and still currently waiting to hear from his father and other family/friends. The toiletries that I planned to send to my friend serving in Afganistan will also go to my friend in Florida as I'm sure they'll be in greater need there.
I'm sick and tired of people just jumping on the bandwagon to help others in their times of crisis and need. Family, let's perform acts of kindness daily. I'm sure each of us has something we can give to others in our neighbourhoods, communities, and such daily, so let's be thankful and grateful for the abundance we have and find it in our hearts to pay it forward in some way. This is what love for humanity is all about and we must work together globally to ensure others can be equally blessed.
My heart is full today y'all. I feel personally affected by this as I lost family in Jamaica last year with the massive storms. I can't watch telly or be on the web as flashbacks of worrying for my family come back to mind or even the devastation of Katrina brings me to tears. So again I say and implore each of you who read this blog to do something; anything for someone else. A small deed can go a long way.
It's all possible!
Why is it that it always takes something like that for people to share their humanity for those less fortunate than themselves? Hell, why can't people just be kind a caring period?
Coming from a Jamaican family, I know first hand the importance of taking care of your own and those around you. Jamaicans are a proud people, but never too proud to give and help others. Jamaican families that leave JA always send barrels of food and clothing back to their family and community to ensure people are taken care of. If they can't send the item that way, they'll find someone who's going home and ask them to carry things for them. It's a cultural practice that is almost innate. I know many other islands have the same practice, so why can't people here do it for their neighbours and/or communities?
I live less than 1o minutes from a town the produces the high concentration of blueberries in the nation. Each year, these farms use migrant workers from South America and Haiti to cultivate said farms. Last summer I was plagued with the thought of what to do with several bags of clothes and shoes that I no longer had need for, but didn't really want to give them to the local agencies as I know for fact that some of them aren't dispensing the items to the intended recipients. After driving through what's locally called Haitian Nation; the area where the Haitians workers are housed, I decided I would give them the clothing/shoes. I practiced my French and delivered the clothing/shoes to the very grateful people who thanked me profusely for my kindness.
Doing this brought so much joy to my soul and I felt good for my choice of recipients. This is something I've decided I will continue to do every summer. Sadly, I'll be doing it under far more grave conditions this year. The clothing/shoes that I would have given locally will now be sent to Florida to a dear friend who is Haitian and still currently waiting to hear from his father and other family/friends. The toiletries that I planned to send to my friend serving in Afganistan will also go to my friend in Florida as I'm sure they'll be in greater need there.
I'm sick and tired of people just jumping on the bandwagon to help others in their times of crisis and need. Family, let's perform acts of kindness daily. I'm sure each of us has something we can give to others in our neighbourhoods, communities, and such daily, so let's be thankful and grateful for the abundance we have and find it in our hearts to pay it forward in some way. This is what love for humanity is all about and we must work together globally to ensure others can be equally blessed.
My heart is full today y'all. I feel personally affected by this as I lost family in Jamaica last year with the massive storms. I can't watch telly or be on the web as flashbacks of worrying for my family come back to mind or even the devastation of Katrina brings me to tears. So again I say and implore each of you who read this blog to do something; anything for someone else. A small deed can go a long way.
It's all possible!
13 January 2010
It's All About Him :-)
December 28th 2009 is now a historic day for me
Thinking of him makes me smile
Hearing his voice is soothing/comforting
Knowing the feeling is mutual is amazing
Distance can’t erase what I feel inside
This is an awesome feeling
I prayed and claimed him as mine
I get giddy when I speak about him
I’m so happy I’m not longer stuck on stupid with the other him
The song ‘He Is’ by Heather Headley makes me think of him
The song for his ring tone is ‘A Kiss to Remember’ by Pamela Williams
It's all possible!
Thinking of him makes me smile
Hearing his voice is soothing/comforting
Knowing the feeling is mutual is amazing
Distance can’t erase what I feel inside
This is an awesome feeling
I prayed and claimed him as mine
I get giddy when I speak about him
I’m so happy I’m not longer stuck on stupid with the other him
The song ‘He Is’ by Heather Headley makes me think of him
The song for his ring tone is ‘A Kiss to Remember’ by Pamela Williams
It's all possible!
05 January 2010
First poem of 2010
I'm still working on it; or at least I think I am, but this is what I've got so far...
The complex composite of your being
Subsides into anticipation of my proximity
You yield open and willingly powerless to defeat
Lost in the sublime reverie of our moment
Freefalling into the blissful abyss
Where open arms welcome you with a first embrace
The softness of a familiar but yet still unknown
Sensation of this; our first kiss
Setting us free; now capable of submission
Having grown weary of the confine
Gentle brushstrokes applied in vivid colour
Manifestations of loves spectrum exposed
It's all possible!
The complex composite of your being
Subsides into anticipation of my proximity
You yield open and willingly powerless to defeat
Lost in the sublime reverie of our moment
Freefalling into the blissful abyss
Where open arms welcome you with a first embrace
The softness of a familiar but yet still unknown
Sensation of this; our first kiss
Setting us free; now capable of submission
Having grown weary of the confine
Gentle brushstrokes applied in vivid colour
Manifestations of loves spectrum exposed
It's all possible!
04 January 2010
A few clouds above 9
I'm experiencing this really great feeling and it's making me happier than I've felt in longer than I can even remember. I feel like a schoolgirl with a crush on the Quarterback. I get giddy when I talk about him and I'm so sentimental that I keep his BBMs (BlackBerry Messanger) messages. Today his status read "she takes me to another level". Talk about make a girl feel good. He said I made his day and put a smile on his face. He has done the same for me.
I'm pleased that the attraction and feelings are mutual and while I don't know what the future holds, I hope that he'll be a part of mine.
I've prayed on this feeling and asked God to let His will be done with this. Time will tell.
It's all possible!
I'm pleased that the attraction and feelings are mutual and while I don't know what the future holds, I hope that he'll be a part of mine.
I've prayed on this feeling and asked God to let His will be done with this. Time will tell.
It's all possible!
05 October 2009
Asylum
This is the final of the four poems I wrote last week.
I’m not quite crazy; more like that special kind of special
Where what seems insane is really normal; at least for me
It’s that place were the irrational makes sense
And I question not the absurdity of loving
With such wanton abandon that you do what you do
Freely; willingly because love just is
And I don’t really care what anyone else says
Cause as the proverbial saying goes
“If loving you is wrong, I don’t wanna be right”
Suffering the consequence of this emotional catastrophe
Where loving you is the strength of my weakness
And I solicit no means for a remedy
My heart tilts on its axis at the sound of your voice
Mouth dry from the unquenchable thirst kiss after kiss
My fingers marvel at the softness of your skin
I hear your silent words speak decibles beyond voice
And I delight like a child at Christmas when I see you
Your flaws are the perfect manifestation of your truth
The consistent inconsistency of your presence
Spends me; leaving me bankrupt
Yet still rich in the magnitude of love’s economy
One so fragile; yet so strong and intense
For my expenditure of life’s grandest feeling
So if loving you makes me crazy
Then I’ll gladly live in this asylum forever
© Blu Jewel
2 Oct 2009
I’m not quite crazy; more like that special kind of special
Where what seems insane is really normal; at least for me
It’s that place were the irrational makes sense
And I question not the absurdity of loving
With such wanton abandon that you do what you do
Freely; willingly because love just is
And I don’t really care what anyone else says
Cause as the proverbial saying goes
“If loving you is wrong, I don’t wanna be right”
Suffering the consequence of this emotional catastrophe
Where loving you is the strength of my weakness
And I solicit no means for a remedy
My heart tilts on its axis at the sound of your voice
Mouth dry from the unquenchable thirst kiss after kiss
My fingers marvel at the softness of your skin
I hear your silent words speak decibles beyond voice
And I delight like a child at Christmas when I see you
Your flaws are the perfect manifestation of your truth
The consistent inconsistency of your presence
Spends me; leaving me bankrupt
Yet still rich in the magnitude of love’s economy
One so fragile; yet so strong and intense
For my expenditure of life’s grandest feeling
So if loving you makes me crazy
Then I’ll gladly live in this asylum forever
© Blu Jewel
2 Oct 2009
28 September 2009
As yet untitled - New poem
@ Chele, you didn't have to wait as long as you thought you might...Enjoy!
Upon unfamiliar ground; virgin to this experience
Cushioned for the break of my fall into heaven
Honest and true; giving your all not half
Like a river to the ocean, I’m drawn to you
Your call; a silent whisper within the wind
Caressing me into a gentle seduction
Making me weak where I stand…
Upon unfamiliar ground; virgin to this experience
However, still familiar to the pull of attraction
I let down my guard; submitting to
The leap of faith beneath me…
Cushioned for the break of my fall into heaven
Knowing you’re there to receive me
Open arms; open heart; committed to love
Me with every fiber of your being…
Honest and true; giving your all not half
Treating me like the Empress I am
Borne of your missing rib
Created to fill the void in your life…
With joy and laughter, tenderness and passion
Blu Jewel 2009
Love to live; live to love
24 September 2009
What One Dance Can Do
I know; I know! I'm taking too long between posts. It's not intentional; trust me, but I've got something that will take your mind of my absense. Enjoy...
Conjoined like Siamese twins we move in one motion
Feeling the energy ignited by a rhythmic dance
Awakening the wave coursing through our bodies
Sexual arousal emits as topical penetration ensues
Thrusting us closer to the errant climb of desire
Lust; the effervescent high supplying the fuel
Intoxicated by the sweet elixir of our kiss
We submit to the passion created and act with abandon
Cementing the connection into a cosmic oral bliss
© Blu Jewel 2009
Love to live; Live to love
Conjoined like Siamese twins we move in one motion
Feeling the energy ignited by a rhythmic dance
Awakening the wave coursing through our bodies
Sexual arousal emits as topical penetration ensues
Thrusting us closer to the errant climb of desire
Lust; the effervescent high supplying the fuel
Intoxicated by the sweet elixir of our kiss
We submit to the passion created and act with abandon
Cementing the connection into a cosmic oral bliss
© Blu Jewel 2009
Love to live; Live to love
11 September 2009
Fluid Motion
I thought I'd lost my mojo since Nikki's passing, but it seems I'm even more inspired. Maybe it was the recent full moon that gave way to an increased energy that could only have come from her. Like Nikki, I love the moon and always feel exhilarated by the lunar cycle and especially the full moon.
Here's something that I came up with this morning...
His attention; purposed and intentional; either by familiarity or memory; he made his way into her; third eye blind and was met with little resistance. The slight tension; released into a sigh as if the torture of the wait was over. Heat rose like steam through city grates; its intensity furious and yet delicately passionate as their bodies gelled into one form moving in a rhythmic pace.
Words; lost in an inaudible melody sounded like gibberish only they could understand; only they needed to understand. It was their way. It was how they communicated; silently through telling eyes; speaking a lover’s tale.
Their dance; a waltz leading to a quickened tango only to be suppressed into staggered pace reminiscent of a child’s game of musical chairs punctuated by anticipation. And like the calm before the storm, the motion smooth; erotic; and exhilarating gives way to a tempest; bodies colliding in a frantic motion. Arms, legs grasping; releasing and breaths like zephyrs cloud the room.
Minutes pass like labored hours as the seeming perpetuity of the union plays out. An escaped moan; the saturated kiss; the bitten flesh; the Neanderthal grunts and thrusts all colliding without contest. The climactic clarity of the journey now complete.
© Blu Jewel 2009
Here's something that I came up with this morning...
His attention; purposed and intentional; either by familiarity or memory; he made his way into her; third eye blind and was met with little resistance. The slight tension; released into a sigh as if the torture of the wait was over. Heat rose like steam through city grates; its intensity furious and yet delicately passionate as their bodies gelled into one form moving in a rhythmic pace.
Words; lost in an inaudible melody sounded like gibberish only they could understand; only they needed to understand. It was their way. It was how they communicated; silently through telling eyes; speaking a lover’s tale.
Their dance; a waltz leading to a quickened tango only to be suppressed into staggered pace reminiscent of a child’s game of musical chairs punctuated by anticipation. And like the calm before the storm, the motion smooth; erotic; and exhilarating gives way to a tempest; bodies colliding in a frantic motion. Arms, legs grasping; releasing and breaths like zephyrs cloud the room.
Minutes pass like labored hours as the seeming perpetuity of the union plays out. An escaped moan; the saturated kiss; the bitten flesh; the Neanderthal grunts and thrusts all colliding without contest. The climactic clarity of the journey now complete.
© Blu Jewel 2009
01 September 2009
Lyrically Speaking: My dedication to Anika "Nikki" Harris…R.I.P
Maxwell is probably my favourite artist and as I let him eargasmically soothe me today, the following came to me. Nikki, The Iniquitious One and her Indigo Trail of Thoughts leaves a void in the Blog Community. May we all learn something from her untimely passing.
She came into our lives with that Sumthin Sumthin that made us laugh, cry, and wish we were as creative and gifted as she. When made us all feel Welcome as we chilled at her Urban Hang Suite. The more we spent with you, and took the time to Get to Know Ya, we realized that Noone was firing up the keyboard quite like you. You soon became one of our BadHabits and you were that Gravity: Pushing to Pull as we waited Silently, Silently for your next post.
When you’d go off on someone or get fired up passionately about something, many would wonder if you’d be like that Til the Cops Come Knockin. And if you didn’t post, we’d know that Whenever, Wherever, Whatever, you’d come back to us and let the Phoenixrise.
I recall many a post and our private conversations where you spoke of Matrimony: Only you as you contemplated dating and ever being back in a loving and committed relationship. All you wanted to do was Drowndeep: Hula into his arms and where Lonely’s the Only Company would escape from your life and you reside in a place For Lover’s Only.
It was like This Woman’s Work was never done and you were always willing to HelpSomebody. I remember when that chick faked her own death in the Blog-sphere and you exposed her for the fraud she was and make a lot of people stop hurting.
Then one day, something Changed when you were hit with a Symptom Unknown. We all rallied around the Suitelady who had given so much of herself to us in so many ways. When you told us that the pain was not just a Temporary Nite of rounds with your condition and you couldn’t be with us Now/At the Party; you still managed to gather us in unity as I Am You: You Are Me & We Are You.
And on Sunday August 30th , we had to StopTheWorld and muddle through our FistfulofTears and share how much you Was/As My Girl. We all wish you are simply PlayingPossum.
So dear, sweet, and beautiful one; until the day our Reunion comes, spread your PrettyWings and know that we will always LoveYou and you’ll be a part of us EachHourEachSecondEachMinute of the day.
Love to live; live to love
She came into our lives with that Sumthin Sumthin that made us laugh, cry, and wish we were as creative and gifted as she. When made us all feel Welcome as we chilled at her Urban Hang Suite. The more we spent with you, and took the time to Get to Know Ya, we realized that Noone was firing up the keyboard quite like you. You soon became one of our BadHabits and you were that Gravity: Pushing to Pull as we waited Silently, Silently for your next post.
When you’d go off on someone or get fired up passionately about something, many would wonder if you’d be like that Til the Cops Come Knockin. And if you didn’t post, we’d know that Whenever, Wherever, Whatever, you’d come back to us and let the Phoenixrise.
I recall many a post and our private conversations where you spoke of Matrimony: Only you as you contemplated dating and ever being back in a loving and committed relationship. All you wanted to do was Drowndeep: Hula into his arms and where Lonely’s the Only Company would escape from your life and you reside in a place For Lover’s Only.
It was like This Woman’s Work was never done and you were always willing to HelpSomebody. I remember when that chick faked her own death in the Blog-sphere and you exposed her for the fraud she was and make a lot of people stop hurting.
Then one day, something Changed when you were hit with a Symptom Unknown. We all rallied around the Suitelady who had given so much of herself to us in so many ways. When you told us that the pain was not just a Temporary Nite of rounds with your condition and you couldn’t be with us Now/At the Party; you still managed to gather us in unity as I Am You: You Are Me & We Are You.
And on Sunday August 30th , we had to StopTheWorld and muddle through our FistfulofTears and share how much you Was/As My Girl. We all wish you are simply PlayingPossum.
So dear, sweet, and beautiful one; until the day our Reunion comes, spread your PrettyWings and know that we will always LoveYou and you’ll be a part of us EachHourEachSecondEachMinute of the day.
Love to live; live to love
27 August 2009
a lil something that came to me
When you pour your love inside my cup
I feel my well spring rise and swell
As it’s satiated from its desert state
And you’re no longer just an oasis
But the embodiment of natures wonder personified.
© Blujewel 2009
love to live; live to love!
I feel my well spring rise and swell
As it’s satiated from its desert state
And you’re no longer just an oasis
But the embodiment of natures wonder personified.
© Blujewel 2009
love to live; live to love!
24 August 2009
On loving ourselves
The following was borne of something I wrote to a friend. Some parts have been removed as it was directed toward her; however the story could relate to any one of us. Your own dysfunctional relationship with your mother made it subconsciously easy for you to overcompensate for her shortcomings by being 1) an excellent mother yourself and 2) your desire to mother others and shelter them from harm. This ideology is in fact quite harmful as it subjects you both to a relationship that is ill-balanced and it compensates one dysfunction for another. "We create a space for healing when we exercise the courage to look at how our own anger and resentment make us withhold love and behave badly".p134 Although he can say he loves you, his actions are not affirmations of said love. He fails to see that fueling power of his emotions is anger based and while he is actually capable of giving love; there's a fine line between his anger and his love. His verbal love is short lived when something disrupts his perceived comfort zone. And the fact that his life has been centered around you; with little or no personal/social outlets that his for/about him, it makes it even easier for angry outbursts to occur. The role of alcohol in his life will also fuel the pre-existing fire that resides within. "It's easy to fall into the trap of depending on others for the love, understanding, and admiration we all crave, rather than creating them in our relationship with ourself, and brining the joy in self-fulfillment to our partnerships. When joy is missing in our life, it's missing in our relationships, in our homes, and communities".p135 It's on this premise that he resides. He seeks what he lacks within himself in and from you. He puts you on a pedestal and showers you with what he is should be giving to himself. His lack of self love and trust gets over compensated in the relationship and when you demonstrate your independence; it disrupts his world, and because he thought that you should return in kind; is now compromised. He feels that because he has made you his personal trophy that you should likewise to do the same. This is a classic mode of operation for a hurt soul. "Even when parents and partners do terrible things, they are just trying in unskillful ways to make their lives work". P135 And it's in this vein that he must seek to improve his life/circumstances or he will always be in a perpetual state of discourse and cause said discourse in the lives of those they claim to love. "Not every couple that gets together is meant to stay together. When you're not where God wants you to be, life shakes you up so you'll move to a better place". P135 It's at that point of discovery when the leaving party must assess themselves to see what, when, why, and how there are finding themselves in relationships that follow a repeated or repeatable negative pattern. This tends to be a hard concept to many to accept that fact/knowledge even when we know without a shadow of doubt it's true. We still strive to find some shred of evidence that says we should find a way to keep this person in our life. While this is a noble concept; it's still a self-deluding one. When we refuse to let someone go, we're not only holding ourself back, we're holding the other back too because we're putting a road block in an essential growth element in both parties development. . "Growth mean change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown" The Shack To many are afraid of the unknown to venture out; however without this risk, there will be little or no room for growth and the opportunity for change is greatly reduced; thus, leaving you in the same crippled mind frame. For love; real love of self before another to manifest, a thorough cleansing and healing must occur. "broken humans center their lives around things that seem good to them but will neither fill them nor free them." Relationships; good or bad are an intricate part of the journey we take in life and for many; we all seek to love and be loved; however, when we lack the proper tools to do so, we fail miserably. We all imagine ourselves to be whole and able; however, it's what we do and not always what we say that tells the real story. "We may be masterful at deceiving ourselves, but in all intimate interaction the unresolved feeling and fears we may have buried will surface".p137 A spiritual relationship must become an intrinsic part of one's journey to true awareness and wholeness. The Divine created us; it's at the core of us and it's through that relationship that we will have a real idea and connection to what real love is. We have to trust in Divine Love in order to establish Loves Divine. Reaching deep within and offering oneself to the source of love establishes faith and trust in The One who'll always be there to guide our path. "Faith never knows where it is being led, but it knows and loves the One who is leading" The Shack "For something to move from death to life, you must introduce something living and moving into the mix". The Shack If this sacred interference does not occur, all past hurts (death) will always have more power/control over any living relationship and the love will never truly be love at all. The emotional demons must be excised from the recesses of our emotional core in order for the wellspring of love to thrive as a living entity. "We're operating with negative feelings brought from another time and place, associated with a whole separate set of issues. We can't create anything good with leftovers from the past". P140 It's important to go back and address the issues of the past as it's the only way to prevent history from repeating itself; however, once that journey has been made, the past must be left very much in the past. The present is an extremely sacred and palatial place and can only be well-lived when the past's portal is closed. Progressive move to the present has to be self-lived. No one can make it happen for anyone else. Each person has to want his/her own loving environment and know not only how to create it, but to sustain it. Without the ability to love who we are, there is truly no way to love another. No one is responsible for our well-being but us. "When we're sweet on ourselves; we're sweet on others. From an unhappy place, nothing satisfies. From a happy place, common sense prevails. We see clearly that we were born to love, not judge, and that it's not our job to fix anyone but ourselves". P140 NOTE: All page number references come from the book, All About Love, by Susan L. Taylor. The remaining references were taken from The Shack. Love to live; live to love!
The Shack
27 July 2009
Thank You!
As I journey through another transition in my life, I continue to give honour, thanks, and praise to my heavenly Father. Even when I don't always know or understand the circumstances that seem out of my scope of comprehension, I trust in He that sustains me. I allow His righteousness and goodness to guide my path and rely on my faith to continue to carry me through. I've come too far to turn back now and I know that with each trial; there is an equal or greater triumph.
I truly believe that there is nothing I can't do without Him and whatever He has ordained in my life; it will come to pass. The Bible says, "you have not because you ask not...". Well, I have because I do ask and I do pray, and I do believe. I am forever grateful that there is someone in my life who'll be there night or day; good or bad; right or wrong. My way is His way as best I can because no matter what I am a sinner, but I am a saint each time I stand strong, seek forgiveness, and strive to be and do better. My life has been a series of opportunities missed and taken; however, the latter reigns supreme because I put God into what I do.
I am 49 days away from my next new year and as I am in the closing phase of my old year, I look back with pride as I see the growth; the increased potential; the improved confidence; the exacting of things I've proclaimed for myself; the spiritual wealth I've gained; and the happiness that manifests in my life. Love for myself; for my family/friends; for my life is infinite and I truly rest in the words that "no weapon formed against me shall prosper".
Each day I rise is another reason to celebrate. Each day I live is another reason to be thankful. Each day I can touch another life affirmatively means, I'm honouring Jesus' death for my salvation. Each day I can share His word, means my faith has multiplied. There is not a day that I am not grateful. There will not be a day where I will not give thanks.
With transition, comes the responsibility to utilize each and every experience and make your life count.
So, today I share my gratitude first and foremost with my heavenly Father and then to all those who are in my life and those who'll cross my path.
The following came from my Daily Word...
I am grateful!
Starting the day in gratitude, my first prayer is Thank You, God! I am grateful for beauty and love, for surprises and excitement, for friendship and community, and for the presence of God in all.
Even if I may be going through a challenging experience, I am grateful, for I know that good will come from it. Will I learn of inner strength that I didn't know I had? Will I gain a renewed appreciation for my life and the people in it?
I am grateful for my present circumstances, for I know they offer opportunities for growth. I thank God for the life I have been given and the life I am creating by seeing the good in all that comes before me.
"Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving."--Psalm 95:2
Live to love; love to live!
I truly believe that there is nothing I can't do without Him and whatever He has ordained in my life; it will come to pass. The Bible says, "you have not because you ask not...". Well, I have because I do ask and I do pray, and I do believe. I am forever grateful that there is someone in my life who'll be there night or day; good or bad; right or wrong. My way is His way as best I can because no matter what I am a sinner, but I am a saint each time I stand strong, seek forgiveness, and strive to be and do better. My life has been a series of opportunities missed and taken; however, the latter reigns supreme because I put God into what I do.
I am 49 days away from my next new year and as I am in the closing phase of my old year, I look back with pride as I see the growth; the increased potential; the improved confidence; the exacting of things I've proclaimed for myself; the spiritual wealth I've gained; and the happiness that manifests in my life. Love for myself; for my family/friends; for my life is infinite and I truly rest in the words that "no weapon formed against me shall prosper".
Each day I rise is another reason to celebrate. Each day I live is another reason to be thankful. Each day I can touch another life affirmatively means, I'm honouring Jesus' death for my salvation. Each day I can share His word, means my faith has multiplied. There is not a day that I am not grateful. There will not be a day where I will not give thanks.
With transition, comes the responsibility to utilize each and every experience and make your life count.
So, today I share my gratitude first and foremost with my heavenly Father and then to all those who are in my life and those who'll cross my path.
The following came from my Daily Word...
I am grateful!
Starting the day in gratitude, my first prayer is Thank You, God! I am grateful for beauty and love, for surprises and excitement, for friendship and community, and for the presence of God in all.
Even if I may be going through a challenging experience, I am grateful, for I know that good will come from it. Will I learn of inner strength that I didn't know I had? Will I gain a renewed appreciation for my life and the people in it?
I am grateful for my present circumstances, for I know they offer opportunities for growth. I thank God for the life I have been given and the life I am creating by seeing the good in all that comes before me.
"Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving."--Psalm 95:2
Live to love; love to live!
16 July 2009
Love does not kill; people do!
In light of the recent deaths; Steve McNair and Arturo Gatti, it's clear to me that there is a blatant disregard for love and the person's comprehension of it. People are running around doing all kinds of heinous things in the name of love, but love does not kill; people do. Love is not some ugly tyrant out to hurt people; love is the purest of all emotions; however, the most easily an readily abused emotion. More often than not love has become profane like a 4-letter word and it's sad; so very sad.
I've always said, "the word and deed go hand in hand or that words without action are just words." This applies especially to those who are out there cheating and carrying on in the name of love, but aren't living in the essence of love. The writing is on the wall and there are so many out there that need a to have a Come to Jesus Meeting to get a case of "get right".
Love is something we all need and we all need to share in order to receive. Love is not something to be squandered, ill-applied for personal gain, or to be used as a tool/weapon. Love is something we all want and desire and we must plant the seed in order to reap the reward of it. The scripture says it all. Reflect on it and utilize it to its fullest.
Let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth —1 John 3:18
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
When you see someone in need,
Love demands a loving deed;
Don’t just say you love him true,
Prove it by the deeds you do. —Sper
Check out this link for some additional reading Listen for Love
I've always said, "the word and deed go hand in hand or that words without action are just words." This applies especially to those who are out there cheating and carrying on in the name of love, but aren't living in the essence of love. The writing is on the wall and there are so many out there that need a to have a Come to Jesus Meeting to get a case of "get right".
Love is something we all need and we all need to share in order to receive. Love is not something to be squandered, ill-applied for personal gain, or to be used as a tool/weapon. Love is something we all want and desire and we must plant the seed in order to reap the reward of it. The scripture says it all. Reflect on it and utilize it to its fullest.
Let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth —1 John 3:18
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
When you see someone in need,
Love demands a loving deed;
Don’t just say you love him true,
Prove it by the deeds you do. —Sper
Check out this link for some additional reading Listen for Love
14 July 2009
Love's Divine
I've waited all my life for the love of my life to walk in and one day he did. There he was standing there in his deep caramel visual splendor and it was love at first sight. It's a feeling that is unexplicable and there is absolutely nothing I could ever compare it to. Fortunately for me, the feeling was mutual and it was the making of one intense, absolute, perfectly (at least perfect for us) formed, serendipitous, fate-driven, and passionate relationships we'd ever had. Sadly, all things that glitter aren't always gold, and we spent the next 14 years in one still intense, but bittersweet relationship.
Talk about hills and valleys, rollercoasters, and other such adjectives to describe the complexities of well placed, but often untimely relationship; however, the love that existed between us never went away in spite of whom we were with. Denial was never a factor in what did or didn't happen between us; it was more a fear on his part that I would somehow change from the woman he'd fallen for to some other woman once he was in the relationship. Given that I've not changed; at least for the worst in 14 years, he really didn't have anything to fear except his own vulnerability in letting go once and for all.
After honest, open, continual, and forthright conversations, we've finally come to the place where we started all those years prior. The intense feelings; the passion; the connection; and the love is even more solid than ever and we're finally; not just on the same page, but in the same sentence. Love is patient and it is kind; and the due dilligence paid has now paid off. Love's Divine is what I'm feeling and it's more stronger and powerful than the bionic and woman combined.
Time has been the true testiment to this story and right now I'm experiencing what it means to love to live; live to love and man does it ever feel good.
Love to live; live to love!
Talk about hills and valleys, rollercoasters, and other such adjectives to describe the complexities of well placed, but often untimely relationship; however, the love that existed between us never went away in spite of whom we were with. Denial was never a factor in what did or didn't happen between us; it was more a fear on his part that I would somehow change from the woman he'd fallen for to some other woman once he was in the relationship. Given that I've not changed; at least for the worst in 14 years, he really didn't have anything to fear except his own vulnerability in letting go once and for all.
After honest, open, continual, and forthright conversations, we've finally come to the place where we started all those years prior. The intense feelings; the passion; the connection; and the love is even more solid than ever and we're finally; not just on the same page, but in the same sentence. Love is patient and it is kind; and the due dilligence paid has now paid off. Love's Divine is what I'm feeling and it's more stronger and powerful than the bionic and woman combined.
Time has been the true testiment to this story and right now I'm experiencing what it means to love to live; live to love and man does it ever feel good.
Love to live; live to love!
the blessings of random acts
I took the day off today because I wanted to. I wanted to share time with someone and not have to wait for the weekend to do it. The simple pleasures were enacted and exacted and the weather; not to hot or cold; added another wonderful component to it all.
For those of you who haven't used all your vacation or leave time, please take some time off to kick back and enjoy. You don't always need a plan or something to do; just take some time for yourself or to spend with someone special.
I wish I could tell you how wonderful this day has been and have you see the smile that still sitting on my face. I'm thankful for days like this when I can give thanks and enjoy nature in its infinite splendor.
Oh, and Maxwell's new CD on repeat...oh my!
Love to live; live to love! (I damn sure am!!!)
For those of you who haven't used all your vacation or leave time, please take some time off to kick back and enjoy. You don't always need a plan or something to do; just take some time for yourself or to spend with someone special.
I wish I could tell you how wonderful this day has been and have you see the smile that still sitting on my face. I'm thankful for days like this when I can give thanks and enjoy nature in its infinite splendor.
Oh, and Maxwell's new CD on repeat...oh my!
Love to live; live to love! (I damn sure am!!!)
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