The Ploy

I swear I've got some kind of Spidey senses because after I posted yesterday, I got a gut feeling that Mr. Toolbelt would call me and you guessed it he did; this morning.

I was at the Dr.s office and my phone rang; well actually it spoke. I have a feature on my phone that announces who's calling. Good thing for me I don't have his number stored in my phone, or it would have sounded something like this, "call from The Stalker" or "call from The Asshole" or "Call from Bugaboo" or something else to that effect, which could have been either amusing or offensive to anyone in ear shot. Instead it announced, "call from 516-435-xxxx and I groaned in disbelief. The nurse, as she was drawing blood asked, "do you need to get that?" I furiously shook my head "no" and allowed her to continue on with her business.

Upon leaving the Dr.s office, I went to grab a bite to eat as I had to fast and by then was really hungry. I went back to work and saw the Message Waiting light on my phone flashing. I immediately thought, "I bet that )*%)*#_*^ already called me and left a message before calling my cell. I reluctantly listened to the message, but was pleasantly surprised to find it was someone I actually enjoy talking to. Figuring I might as well find out what the hell Mr. Toolbelt wanted (he'd left a message), I check my voice mail. He announces who he is (like I wouldn't recognize his voice) and then tells me that I have something of his and that I should call him about it. I chuckle. It's his ploy to get me to call him. I chuckle again.

I do in fact have his authentic Christian Dior sunglesses, which I've had since late August mind you. They look great on me and I honestly was going to keep them. *lol* Anyway, my chuckle now turns into full blown laughter because I think it's hilarious that all of a sudden he realizes that I have them and he wants them back. I guess he figures I'll call him back and then he can try and engage me in conversation...NOT! I'm too slick to get caught out there like that. So, here's how it's going to go down...

1...Find said sunglasses

2...Package them up

3...Address package to my cuz

4...Call her to let her know to expect a package from me and that she needs to give it to her b/f who's friends with Mr. Toolbelt and he can give them to him for me.

5...Aniticipate another phone call once he gets them back.

I've got a feeling I'll probably get another phone call before I even get the sunglasses in the mail, but unless he catches me at work, he won't hear my voice in his ear.

I swear, I just don't get folk, but I'm getting that some of them can be a form of perverse amusement for a twisted mind like mine. *hysterically LMBAO*

Love to live; live to love!

Just how "hood" are you?

The Jewel's light hasn't been shining so bright for the past few days and i've been struggling with some things that i initially wasn't sure how to handle. i prayed on the things that were affecting me and did what i know is the right thing to do, which is to let go and let God. so, now that i've done that, i feel it's time for me to let the Jewel sparkle again and i thought this funny post would be a good start for it. Enjoy!

GET A PENCIL AND PAPER BEFORE YOU START THIS JUST
You've ever used an album cover (album would be for the “grown folk" of this blog…lol) for a dustpan. (5 points)

If you've ever run a race barefoot in the middle of the street. (10 points)

You had a candy lady in your neighborhood. (5 + 5 extra points if your house was the candy lady)

If you ever had to pick your own switch or belt. (3 points for each)

If you have ever had to walk to school or walked home from school. (2 points)

If you have ever used dishwashing liquid for bubble bath. (5 points)

If you ever mixed Kool-Aid one glass at a time because you got tired of other people drinking up the Kool-Aid you just made. (5 points)

If you have ever played any of the following games: hide and go seek, freeze, tag, Momma may I? or red light/green light. (2 points each)

If your neighborhood had an ice cream man. (2 points + 2 if he rang a bell)

If you refer to "Now and Later" candies as "Nighladers". (5 points)

If you've ever run from the police on foot. (5 points + 5 if you got away)

If you've ever had reusable bacon grease in a container on your stove. (5 points + 15 if you still do it)

The batteries in your remote control ever been held in by a piece of tape. (5 points)

If you have ever worn any of the following fragrances Brute, Hai-Karate, Jean Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Stetson, Charlie, or Faberge. (1 point each):

You've ever used Tussy Deodorant. (5 points)

You've never been to the dentist. (15 points)

If you have a friend or family member whose nickname is one word said twice: dee-dee, fee-fee, man-man, Kay-Kay, lee-lee, ree-ree, ray-ray, nay-nay, tee-tee etc. (10 points)

You have ever paged yourself for any reason. (3 points)

You've ever worn house shoes outside of the house. (2 points) ***had to correct this one cause Xae made a very necessary correction...You've ever worn house shoes outside of the house. (20 points +5 if you are male, +25 if you went to the mall) UGH!!!!

You add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in the past tense (e.g. Tooked, Light-Skinneded, kilt, ruint, etc.) (5 points)

You use 'n'em to describe a certain group of people (for example Craig'n'em or Momma 'n'em). (5 points)

You've ever driven on a donut more than 2 weeks after your flat. (5 points)

You have ever slept in a chair to avoid messing up your hair. (10 points)

You've ever left a social gathering with a plate. (2 points)

You can't hold a glass because of the length of your nails. (5 points)

The gold teeth in your mouth spell words. (10 points)

You don't have your own place but your child has a leather coat and a pair of Jordan 's. (15 points)

You constantly hit *69 and ask, "Did you just call here?" (10 points)

You think Tupac is still alive. (20 points)

If you are going to have to use a calculator to add your points. (25 points)

Now the totals...
0 - 50 points - I guess you were raised in the suburbs

51 - 75 points - A bonafide ex-hood rat

76 - 150 points - Spent a little time in the projects, huh?

150 points or more - Still there, huh?