31 December 2007

Out with the old

Well, it's the last day of 2007 and I have to say it's been quite a year. I've had my share of good and the bad, but all in all, it's still been a good year. Here's my list of bad/good list...

Bad...
Got a health scare
Good...
Said health scare brought me and mum back together

Bad...
Having major surgery
Good...
Realizing how strong I truly am

Bad...
Missing out on a relationship with my dad
Good...
We're no longer estranged and I have a place to stay everytime I'm in Jamaica

Bad...
Being a parent of a teenage girl
Good...
Knowing that I'm doing it pretty well and we're growing together

Bad...
Having friends treat you badly
Good...
Realizing it's their loss and making some really cool new ones

Bad...
Feeling lost/alone
Good...
Knowing that with Christ, you're never lost or alone

Bad...
Having a stepmom who's only 5 yrs older than me
Good...
She's great and it's like having another big sister instead of a mother

Bad...
Not getting the pay increase I deserve
Good...
Finding out that as a disabled Vet I can get tax free money from the government

Bad...
Knowing so many people suffer
Good...
Knowing I was able to give in order to relieve some of their suffering

I'm a better, stronger, and more confident woman is year than I was last year and I know I will be even better next year. Thank you all for your respective roles in my life and the contributions you've made through reading and commenting on my blog as well as by my reading yours. I wish each and everyone of you a fantastic 2008 and may we all be blessed in our rightful and respective ways.

Be safe out there and always give God the thanks and praise He so amply deserves.

Love!

26 December 2007

Inspiring...

I didn't write this, but thought it was more than worth sharing. We're nearing the end of one year and on the verge of another and it's at this time when we start making New Year's Resolutions; looking back in order to move forward; or are simply trying to get our lives right. The following piece is something I'm sure we can all use in our lives at one point or another.
***********************************************************************************
All the doubt in the world cannot stand up to one little positive action. Doubt has no power when you decide to act in spite of it, and doubt cannot stop you if you refuse its attention. It matters not who doubts you, or how much, or why. What matters is what you do. A thousand people, or a million, or a billion people, could say it cannot be done. Yet that does not in any way have to stop one person (you) from doing it.

Just because there are obstacles to overcome does not mean it cannot be done. When you focus not on the obstacles themselves, but rather on how you will get beyond them, it will be done, and you will be the one who does it.

Doubt exists entirely in the mind and when you put it out of your mind, it ceases to exist. Rather than struggling to fight doubt, or to conquer it, or to live with it, you can simply abandon it and it will evaporate into thin air.

Fill your mind with positive thoughts, fill your moments with positive, productive actions, and doubt will have no place in your life.

Stay focused, be diligent, and stay consistent.

DEFINED LIMITATION: An emotional restriction you place on your life that blocks your creativity.

3 emotional weapons used against you & limit you
1. Worry
2. Doubt
3. Uncertainty

Limitations aren't handed to you, they are self imposed:

Ø All restrictions are Self-Imposed and cause you to simply exist.

Ø Failure is not defeat. It's a test of our strength. It's an option that didn't work and can be used to strengthen you and allow you to learn a lesson. All failures are possibilities that didn't work which means there's another solution out there. Keep looking until you find it!

Ø Improving is taking a situation and finding another possibility

Everyone who enters your life is there to strengthen you or be strengthened by you (if you're prepared). If you're not prepared someone who is meant to be an asset to your life can enter or pass by and you won't even realize it because restrictions control what you see.

Where Do Limitations Come From:
1. Layers of fear
2. Internal battle that leave you confused and exhausted
3. Insecure about your talents
4. Unwillingness to face self (blaming others / making excuses)
5. Circle of similarity
7. Continue to play old tapes in your mind
8. No Game Plan
9. Self-Destructive Behaviors

The things we don't communicate create our exhaustion and confusion.
Growth is not positive if you're tired when you arrive there because you won't be able to see the lessons around you, and a lesson not learned must be repeated.

If you get knocked down when tested and you stay there, there's no confidence; but if you get up with passion, you have confidence

Most of what you have learned about you is what others have taught you to believe about you. Who wrote your script?

Without a Game Plan, you'll be confused and on the defensive. Must not just have a goal, you must have a game plan.

To Improve Your Life:
1. "Face what is"
2. Redesign what has been
3. Strengthen what makes you good. You can't see strength if you're focused on weaknesses or putting your self down.
4. Reach out to people who can make you better.
5. Keep reaching out to people who are further than you.

How to Let go of Natural Fear:

1. Stop Denying It & resisting that it exists. Admitting it takes it from the emotion to the mind.
2. Examine the Origin of the Fear (Ask self why are you afraid then address reason why you're afraid & refuse to continue giving into the fears & stay focused on positives that are happening.
3. Invest in your talents (when you don't feed your mind you feed confusion & old tapes that keep beating you down & causing sabotage. Keep personal inventory of your strengths.
4. Let go of your "can't s"

It's better to have Achievement Lists instead of To Do Lists because to do list is more about emotions and passive desires. Achieve list is about now as opposed to postponing.

You can't relive yesterday. You can revisit it and use it as a reference library in order to learn the lessons you're to learn.

It's Not Over Until You Win!

19 December 2007

as promised...

This is the link to the guest blogger post lil lady did last February. She's grown in leaps and bounds since then; some good; some not so good, but either she's never lost her sense of humor.

Check it out for a good laugh...lil lady speaks

da madnezz

So, I've got this rule that lil lady has to call me when she gets home from school so I know she's home and I can put her lil azz to work preppin dinner and shit. Today was no exception and she calls me sounding like she's been dragged from the back of a truck in Klansville. I asked, "what's wrong?" and she tells me she's tired and was sleeping on the school bus. I'm like, "okay, now whatcha gonna do?" She tells me she's hungry and needs some food. That lil heffa stays hungry with her lil azz self and eats like she's got a perpetual tapeworm. Anyhoo, she's rummaging around in fridge looking for some vittles and happens upon a couple things that'll make the hunger go away. She inquires about some rice and beans and if it's still good. I tell her to smell it and she'll know. She tells me she wouldn't know if it was bad or not so I tell her that if it smells sour don't eat it. She does the sniff check and tells me it smells like rice and beans and I hear the microwave going. Then she's got her hands on a Jamaican patty and tells me the toaster isn't working. I'm like, "how bout you plug it in!" *doh* And this is an honor roll student I'm talking about here *shm*

Okay, now she's smacking in my ear as she's getting her grub on and proceeds to tell me how she thinks the new house phones are cool and futuristic. She then goes on to tell me she has to "piss like a race horse on a Saturday night at the Kentucky Derby". At this point I almost fell out of my chair laughing and couldn't believe my child is talking to me like this. She is; and it gets better. I tell her that I think my lead has left and if he has, I'm out cause I need to make a pit stop on the way home. She tells me to check and then get back on the phone; I do and he's still here. "Dammit!" I say and she says, "well, I guess yo black azz gonna hafta stay on that plantation a lil longer den huh?" Of course, I'm now out of the chair hysterically laughing.

She comments on the Christmas decorations that went up (she'd been at the dads house) and asked if I caught the Christmas spirit. I tell her no, but I wanted to do something festive. She then tells me I had too much time on my hands. Brat! She asked if I wanted anything for Christmas and I told her no and she said good cause she didn't have any money and wasn't buying me anything. I ask her what she wants and she says just her unlimited text plan back, which I'd taken away when she got on punishment. We laugh and joke more and then she changes focus.

After having me laughing like I'm high on some real good ish, you'd think she'd stop right? Naw she keeps going. I ask her to prep some chicken legs I have in the fridge and she refuses. I tell her if she wants to live to see another day and eat, she'll do it; she complies. She now has me on speakerphone and is still singing the phone's praises. She's making the puke sound as she's stripping the skin off and complaining about what a horrible chore it is. I agree, but tell her is must be done. In between all this she's fussy and laughing and acting like the complete nut she is. I'm sitting on the other end of the phone laughing and trying not to be too loud.

The conversation continues with its animated pace until she decides she's had enough and wants off the phone. So, for all of you who read my 13 3's you'll see why I said lil lady makes me laugh; she's one crazy kid, but I love 'er!

Oh, and if you have time, you can dig through my archives and find the post she did; now that was some funny azz ish right there! If I find the link I'll save you the time and post it.

Love!

17 December 2007

Joseph for example....

As I sat in church yesterday and listened to pastor talk about Joseph, "father" of Jesus, I thought about how important a father is in the life of his child/dren and how so many men have come to take that for granted.

While Joseph is only mentioned in 16 versus of the New Testament his role was not nearly as insiginifcant as his 16 versus, in fact he was extremely important and a positive role model for all men to follow. Why? Because although Joseph didn't immediately believe that he child was legitimately his; he accepted the word of the angels and assumed the role of father. He followed the word of God and supported Mary and raised Jesus as his own son. He didn't let anything stand in his way of supporting his family and treated Jesus no differently had he been his biological father.

Now, in a day and age where many men knowing create children, they are turning their backs on them as if the children are dispensible items. Correction, the condom should have been. I'm not letting the women off the hook here either because they should be protecting themselves against pregnancy too. That aside, my point goes back to the men. Many men in today's society are/were raised by a single mother. Many of these men never knew their father's and if they did the relationship was (in some instances) are strained one. Forgive me if I sound like I'm brow beating all men; I'm not. I'm merely pointing out some facts and not attacking those who have stepped up to the plate.

I digress. If you as a man are not willing, ready, or able to play your part in the childs life, then do whatever you can to prevent that pregnancy from occuring. If you have reason to believe that ol' girl was sharing her cookies, then be willing to take a paternity test. If the child is yours, then take care of him/her and be the best parent you can be. Furthermore, if you've decided to be with a women who already has children, still be a good role model for that child. Women, stop laying down with every and any man hoping he'll be a good daddy to that child.

Our children are having a hard time making it in this society and if we keep creating them without regard for their future, what kind of future will they have? I was recently over at Electronic Village and came across this article.
America has lost generation of black boys, which describes how black men are regarded in this country and how other countries are considering adpoting some of the US's policies.

I've said all this to say, that Joseph was a fine example of how a man, husband, and father should be. He followed God, supported his wife, and took care of his son. Granted Jesus was not biologically his, but he assumed his role and did it well. Fathers, be they biological, step, adoptive, surrogate, or godfathers need to step up to the plate and do their part. They need to look at Joseph as their example and follow his lead. Men, and the women who love them, I implore you to give these children the love, care, time, and attention they deserve and require. Women do your part also. If you're fortunate to have a supportive father to your child, tell him how much you appreciate his help, role, and love. Think of Mary and how she could have been divorced, disgraced, and disowned had Joseph not listened to the angels in his dream. Women, stop putting yourself in positions where paternity has to be questioned and/or challenged. Men stop helping to create children you're unwilling or unable to raise and play an active/positive role in their lives.

Parenting is a two person activity and we must remember and practice that.

14 December 2007

13 three's of mine

Once again, I'm committing blog-theivery. I was just at Don's and he had this great list up and I liked it so much that I had to do one of my own. Here ya go...

3 things that scare me...
George Bush
Police brutality
People with nothing to lose

3 people who make me laugh...
my daughter
Charlie Murphy
Robin Harris (R.I.P)

3 things I love...
God
my daughter
mental orgasms

3 things I hate...
crimes against children
the current state of this country
hateful people

3 things I don't understand...
crooked law enforcement agents
george bush
white people shit

3 things on my desk...
2 desktop computers
phones
pens

3 things I'm doing right now...
this post
watching tv
txting

3 things I want to do before I die...
see my writing published
see what my daughter does with her life
travel more

3 things I can do well...
write
cook
make love

3 things I can't do...
speak all the languages I've studied
stay stuck on stupid
allow myself to be treated poorly

3 things I should listen to...
God
my gut
my heart

3 things I shouldn't listen to...
people who can't fix their own lives
bullshit in any form from anybody
george bush and his clan

3 things I watched as a kid...
The Monkeys
Dick Darstedly & Muttley
Wonder Woman

13 December 2007

The happs!

Since my last post, I’ve had a death in the family, a funeral out of the country, a christening, been sick, and working my ass off at the plantation. I think I’m finally starting to see some light at the end of the proverbial tunnel *yippee*.

Thank you all for staying tuned in my absence; trust me I’ve missed blogging and reading all of your wonderful posts. I feel like I was going through withdrawal as a result of not being able to keep up.

I’m not sure what I really want to talk about right now because I’m feeling rather random, so here’s a top ten likes/dislikes list about Christmas…

LIKES…
1. The way my church is decorated (makes for great Christmas pix)
2. Remembering lil lady was christened two weeks before Christmas 15 years ago (wow @ how time has flown)
3. Spending time with my peeps
4. Real family closeness
5. The threat of snow
6. Laughing at the Santa’s in the mall
7. Seeing people give to others
8. Egg nog (yes, spiked…hic!)
9. Sending Christmas cards
10. Christmas Eve service

DISLIKES…
1. Santa (what a crock)
2. The exaggeration of Christmas (forgetting the meaning)
3. Being apart from my family
4. Ridiculously decorated homes/lawns
5. Feeling obligated
6. Being asked what I want for Christmas
7. The replication of Thanksgiving for Christmas dinner
8. People wearing festive clothes
9. Seasonal depression
10. Working during Christmas week

05 December 2007

Gimme a minute

Was out of the country tending some family business, so that's why I've been incognegro for a few days. I'm back now but gotta get back on the ball with some things before I can provide you with the posts you've grown accustomed to. I'll try to catch up on your posts too. Whew! I'm gonna be one busy chick.

Hold it down til I return; won't be too long!

29 November 2007

ode to my fellow bloggers

In my view from the cheap seats, I see through my eyes and I am inspired to write for life because the confessions of an everyday woman are conveyed through my stream of consciousness. The thoughts in my blue state of mind are poured out as I discuss miscellaneous matters and give you the fackin truth; no filters no filler. But sometimes I have to make a note to self to slow it down and take a sojourner to get some eclectik relaxation and reflect at the golden time of day in order not to lose and yell, o hell nawl when stuff gets to me. A trip to the Mistress Lounge has been a good place to clear my head and take the edge off. I’ve gotta be careful though because she’s got some risqué stuff in there that could lead me to some that could cause me to want to participate in some lovers anonymous acts. But then I realize that I’m more drawn to words, which leads me to being lyrically yours and that’s more stimulating to this Urban Butterfly.

Though my world is still crazy at least the jail in which I sometimes dwell is minus the bars, I find myself sometimes living the butterfli effect trying to figure out if life through my eyes is really as it presents itself to be. Sometimes I’ve wondered what it would be like to be Hoodoo’ed and act with miss(ed) manners just to get a reaction out of people. But I thought that someone might tell Aunt Jackie and I’d get in trouble. And depending on what I’d done, I might have to PostSecret just to get it out of my system; though I think I could tell Mr. Slish cause he’d like to hear me cleansing my thoughts.

In my travels, I often end up in the electronic village where my mind is stimulated and feed, but sometimes I need it Raw Dawg in order to have it broken down into the ghetto economics that I understand. The indigo trails of my thoughts are sometimes interrupted by Yazmars breakthrough and then like magic; zuri she wrote and I’m back to life in the chocolate city and I’m no longer beyond mere words. It’s then that I’m back to the rich house, proud to be a black man’s daughter and saying
I think to myself what a wonderful world.

28 November 2007

Are we any safer?

I was reading a post over at Rosemarie's spot and it brought to light something I've given great thought on, but never really spoke much on in mixed company. I like to travel and travel as often as I can by plane. Since the 9/11 tragedy, taxes and surcharges have been imposed for "safety and precautionary" reasons. In reality, there is no real need for these taxes as all it does for the most part is continue to fiscally rape the consumer. As I said at Rose's spot, I feel no safer now than prior to 9/11. I travelled to Vegas a couple years ago with a folding box cutter in my backpack, which was screened. It was unintentional on my part, but it goes to show that things slip through the crack.

A traveler is inconvenienced more often than not when they travel because they are all but strip searched when they clear security; are forced to report to the airport hours before their flights (to be searched); and the former sense of security of having a family member or friend sit with you before your flight departs has been ripped from us. I, for one, used to love having someone sit with me and then watch me board safely. What about that level of homeland security?

How about not allowing me to bring my 16 ounce bottle of Poland Spring through the "security" line, but force me to buy the same bottle on the other side for twice what I paid for the one I had? How the hell is that even fair, make sense, or make me feel secure? Simply put, it doesn't. While I know and feel that 9/11 was a tragedy of gargantuan proportions, fiscally raping consumers and lying to them that their security and safety is being safeguarded is a crock of shit and a tragedy in and of itself. Did you know that there are pilots who have not had their required amount of rest prior to flying, flying you to destination? Thank God that you arrived without incident. Are you aware that there are as many ways and means as there are plots and schemes to cause harm to someone in a confined space? Not giving a passenger the entire can of soda is a major rip off considering how much money was spent of the ticket in the first place and when you remove the ice from the cup, you're now only getting about two ounces of said beverage in the four ounce cup anyway. What kind of bull crap is that; especially when you're flying damn near across the country? Hell, that in itself will piss a person off and make them want to haul off and smack someone.

I'm appalled at the tactics being used to perpetrate the fraud called Homeland Security and the Patriot Act. It doesn't' take rocket science for one to know that the government and its respective agencies are the biggest terrorists and criminals out there. Check the many scenes in American Gangster where the cops were shaking down drug dealers, cutting the product, and then reselling it. How how they'd steal money instead of turning it in, and then shun the honest cop for doing his job. It's appalling to say the least, that those in positions to protect and serve; rob and steal. But then again, this is a nation that was founded on robbing, rape, and pillage. I don't mean to offend those who truly believe in trust, justice, and the American way, but it is a fact and it's also become a way of life.

Arms are being sold on the black market each and every day to guerillas in South America, war lords in Sierra Leone, and on the streets in major cities across the U.S. Naturally, the types of arms being sold aren't your average garden variety kind, but those issued by the U.S military/government. Check out the movie Lord of War, which will enlighten you as to some little known facts about our illustrious government.

I could go on and on about this subject for days, but I digress. We as a people need to be aware of what it's truly costing us to be "safe". We need to recognize that the (in)Justice Department is very selective about whom they protect and serve. The so-called terrorists that threaten the sanctity of this nation are mostly not from an international source. The arms and drugs that reach the streets in whomever's neighborhood were sourced and/or provided by those who don't have a problem with watching people commit crimes in their respective neighborhoods.

In order to create a safe and secure nation, we must feel safe and secure with those appointed to make nationwide decisons with the best interest of the nation in mind and not their own. Seeing as we know that's not or unlikely to happen, we must educate ourselves on our respective rights; protect ourselves; and remain dilligent about the things happening around us like by finding out notifications are being sent out informing people that cameras are being installed in your neighborhood for example.

27 November 2007

who I am

As I think of what goes through ones mind when they're asked to describe themselves for the opposite sex, I'm often stumped as to what seems like the appropriate things to say. I know I'm articulate, intelligent, witty, assertive; to name a few, but those are pretty obvious and self-explanatory once you've gotten to know me.

I then think about the many personality quizes that are out there and that's where the fun begins. I wonder who comes up with them, how they create the (sometimes dumb) questions to be quizzed on, and who determines the personality. The assessments are sometimes spot on and other times, they're rather off kilter and I guess that's because one is left to chose the "lesser of all evils" answer to complete the quiz.

Well, this morning, I took a quiz to determine how sexy I am and the following is the result of it:

You Are Independent Sexy
You drive men crazy with your "playing hard to get act"Except, it's really not an act at all.You're a strong, sexy woman with her own life and interests.And that makes men even more interested in you!


In this instance, the results were pretty spot on; though I don't necessarily consider myself "hard to get". I'd say, I'm selective, which results from me being assertive and not settling. I thought the results amusing to say the least.

I'd like to create a quiz of sorts to get how others perceive me...now that would be one interesting quiz *lol*

Have a great day y'all!

Love!

21 November 2007

With thanks & giving

Thanks to...

To my Lord and Savior because without Him, there'd be no me
For the faith that keeps me going
Those who've trusted me as Auntie to their children
A mother whom I'm now close to again
For those who are or die
Those who know how to keep it REAL
To all of you who come by, read, and leave comments. You all inspire me
For the blogs I read regularly and those I happen upon
For bad dates to keep me assertive

To whom I gave...
Those lives I've touched in a positive way
The many area families who'll have a Thanksgiving meal
The children I'm Godmother to
The a-holes who thought they could break me...ya didn't!
I'm in your life for a reason
Knowledge is power

20 November 2007

Acts of kindness!

Today I volunteered to prepare and serve food at the local Rescue Mission. It was a community service event that I was anxious to participate in because I enjoy giving back and helping others. While there, I saw a man I recognized from having been at my church and when asked, he confirmed that he’d been there and was looking forward to returning. We spoke about the former and current pastors and how he loved the church. From that point on, my day was filled with such joy.

Along with some coworkers, we donated a van filled with food in addition to some clothing items for the residents and those who pass through the Rescue Mission. We prepared food that would be served later in the week and served about 200 meals for lunch. It was such a joy to see people have somewhere to go and enjoy a hot meal and rest for a little while.

Many of those who came through thanked us and extended God’s blessings for volunteering. My heart was so full because I wasn’t expecting such a warm reception. In addition, it showed that they didn’t take their meals for granted as many of us do in our daily lives.

Ladies and gentleman, my cup runneth over with knowing I made a difference and I look forward to my next opportunity at being a good servant of the Lord.

Thanksgiving likes/dislikes…

Likes…
Family togetherness
Giving back to others in need
Fried turkey
Making cranberry relish
7-Up pound cake

Dislikes…
Family togetherness (the fakeness)
Disadvantaged people
Too much food
Cameo appearances (house hopping)
6+ft lawn ornaments
Hearing Christmas music in stores

19 November 2007

Love, Hope, Charity!

Each year I participate in my company’s annual Thanksgiving food drive. I help collect food, purchase food to donate, and box/deliver the food to needy families in the area. It breaks my heart each year that we even need to do this. Why? Because in a country as rich as this, we have so much hardship and famine. We have so much money being wasted on bullshit items that the government spends millions of dollars on, but it won’t help a family feed itself. Billions of dollars is being wasted on this so-called war and we can’t take care of the veteran’s when they come back. It’s a shame that so many have to rely on the kindness of strangers to help feed and house them.

I participate in these drives because it feels good and because it means something to me to give to those less fortunate than me. I recall when I was an unemployed single parent and how I struggled to make ends meet. I was fortunate that I was educated and resourceful enough to do it; however, there are those who aren’t and need assistance. For the many trials I’ve triumphed through and those who helped me along the way, gives me additional reasons to want to help others. I could have very easily have been the woman unable to have a celebratory dinner, wear a gently worn coat, or have toys for her child at Christmas.

I’m more than thankful for being able to overcome the odds, to have had kind people in my life, and to be in a position where I can help someone else. I do not reserve my giving to just Thanksgiving or Christmas. I give as often as I can to whomever I can. When I stay at hotels, I save the soaps and such and donate them to the military so the troops can have additional supplies. Or I donate to women’s shelters for the woman who had to pack up and leave an abusive home. I give clothes and shoes to the Covenant House so those there can have. I’m willing to give up going out to lunch or dinner and give that money to a good cause.

Each day is cause for thanksgiving because we have so much to be thankful for. I think we all need to look deep within ourselves and consider what we are truly thankful for and make it last for more than a couple of months. Check out places in your respective areas and see if you can offer your hand to cook or serve the homeless; adopt a family and provide small services for them; donate whatever time or money you can spare for a child in need. Charity begins at home. What kind of house are you living in?

15 November 2007

Thursday Thoughts...

I “stole” this idea from Don

Top Ten Likes & Dislikes

Likes…
1. My faith in God & sharing it with others
2. Engaging conversation
3. Music that speaks when I can’t
4. Cooking
5. Pushing myself to full potential
6. Positive energy/vibes
7. The art of simple pleasures
8. Intimacy
9. Being me and not seeking approval for it
10. Overcoming adversity

Dislikes…
1. Unrealistic expectations
2. Meaningless things/experiences (to include sex/people)
3. Intolerance
4. Rude, mannerless, and undisciplined children (to include their parents)
5. People who over share (TMI)
6. Weak men/women
7. People who complain and refuse to find solutions
8. Double standards
9. The inability to communicate effectively
10. Crimes against children

14 November 2007

Blu Jewel PSA #3

I don’t want to turn this post into a male bashing one, but I may not be able to help myself. Now, I’m not going to suggest that all my bruthas are this way, but from what I’ve seen and experienced lately, it seems like a great number need a refresher course on chivalry and gentleman like behavior.

Let me start with the guy who pushed his way through the door when I was clearly there before him and when I said, “excuse you”, he just huffed and continued on. Meanwhile, shortly thereafter I was leaving the store and a white man held the door for me. While walking into the plantation, a white man held the door even though I was a fair distance from it, greeted me with a pleasant smile, and wished me a good day. A few days thereafter, a guy who’s clearly seen and spoken to me on several occasions, refused to hold the door for me as I struggled with two bags and a cup of coffee. I was like “WTF?” On my date a couple weekends ago, I noticed I was walking on the outside of the street, brought it to his attention, and he said, “well, there’s no cars coming.” WTF? Again! First of all, he should’ve have been aware of his presence and acted accordingly and when it was brought to his attention, he should have simply said, “my bad” and corrected himself.

What’s really going on these days? Are women no longer worthy of being treated well or like ladies? Would these very same men be pissed if someone treated their mothers, aunts, grandmothers, or sisters in the same fashion they’re treating women? I highly doubt it. It’s a sad state of affairs when chivalry 101 isn’t being acted upon.

As a mother, I never let my child walk on the outside of the street or trail behind me. It’s my role as a mother to be protective, just as I feel it’s a man’s role to be that way toward children.

I’d hate to think that “we” have lost touch with the simple things in life and forgotten how to just be polite in the most general of ways. Conversely, I have had instances where I’ve been treated with the respect and chivalry I deserve and always extend the appropriate and applicable courtesies.

Ladies and gentlemen we must teach our children the foundation of good manners, courtesy, and appropriate male/female exchange. We must reinforce the value and importance of treating each other well and not allow common courtesy and decency to fall by the wayside. This past weekend, I saw my cousin teaching his little brother the basics of how to treat a young lady and it was impressive to see how he educated him on the importance being a good young man and doing the right thing.

I think we all need to do more to exact the basics of human kindness and polite exchange. And when we have a negative experience with someone, I think we should find ways to bring it to their attention in hopes of bettering them for the next time. We can not and should not condone or make excuses for poor behavior and the ill treatment of others.

Each one; teach one and pay it forward!

13 November 2007

Weekend Happs!


Needing a little get away, I took lil lady and went to ATL for a long weekend. We have fam there, which made being there even more fun. We did the usual things, like shop, eat, walk around etc.

How come I paid $5 to park for 40 minutes while at Gladys and Ron's Chicken and Waffles? That mess ticked me off royal; especially after being jipped for street parking when the meter stole my money and only gave me 15 minutes on the meter.

Now, I'm not trying to brag, but lil lady is frikkin beautiful and has a cute, petite body. (for security reasons, I can't post a pic of her) We're walking around downtown Atlanta and I see GROWN ASS MEN looking at her like she's their next snack.


As much as I don't like it, I've gotten used to men staring at her, but when I realize how they're looking at her, it sickens me because you can see that she's a kid. Sometimes she's oblivious to it and other times I see her roll her eyes or blush. I can't control people looking at her, but damn, is it that serious that a grown man looks at her, licks his lips, and says, "dayum!"
That aside, I couldn't help but notice how adult men are still dressing like teenagers and then get mad when they're not taken seriously. I mean, how can you roll up on me and expect me to respond to, "aye bay-bay or you lookin real gud in dem jeans shawty!" When I look at them cross-eyed like, "are you serious?" They get offended. Aren't adults supposed to carry themselves accordingly or did I miss the memo on that? I'm far from bougie, but I'll be damned if I allow that kind of interaction when I'm carrying myself very much like the lady I am.

It's gets better...So, we're at the club and if I say so myself, I'm looking rather cute in my fitted jeans, nice top, and hella sexy 4 inch peep toe, stilettos.

All I see around me are these bustas in fitted hats, oversized clothes, sunglasses, hanging off the ass jeans; posted up like they're the hottest things since testosterone. I could have choked when dude with his grillz tried to holla. I'm not sure what kind of women they're used to dealing, but I sure as hell wasn't it. And don't even get me started on the chicks (sorry, but they were anything but ladies). I saw a couple of girls who were at least a size 16 in size 8 coochie cutter shorts and under sized tops, in high heels parading around. It was cold outside and they were strutting around like there were in South Beach. I saw a black Barbie who was wearing a sequined tank top as a dress and was upset when the guys were pointing to here and making comments. Hell, she came out the house looking like she was selling something so what did she expect? I know this kind of dress isn't only a southern thing, but I saw some things and outfits that I'm yet to see up north. There were a few classy dressed men and women in the club, but they were the exception and I'm sure they felt as out of place as I did there.

For anyone in ATL, my cousin DJ Redd, is a DJ on Hot 107.9. I'm not sure of his entire air time, but you can look it up. He had me do some drops for his shows and I'll be featured on his upcoming mix CD.



And for those in need of a photographer, my brother does great photography.

07 November 2007

BFFs

I have a male BFF and I love him to death. He's been traveling for work a lot lately, so I hadn't seen him for a couple of months. Yesterday, we met for lunch and although I knew I missed him; seeing him really made it sink in. We hugged and exchanged the usual crazy banter that exists between us. I wanted to know about his latest exploits, what he did while away (and with whom), and when he'd actually be home for a stretch.

He gave me my overdue birthday card, which was beautiful, an AMEX gift card to get myself whatever I wanted, I dished about my weekend; of which he found amusing (in that, dude's a busta kind of way). Anyhoo, I started bitchin and whinin about how he hasn't been keeping in touch with me while he's on the road and how I've given up trying to keep in touch during said times. Then, out of nowhere he pulls out this small white box and puts in on the table. I'm like, "what's that?". He says, "open it and see". I do. It's a beautiful pair of Hematite dangly earrings. I went to mush and put them on immediately. (I love Hematite jewelry). He added, "they can match the necklace I got you". Still all mushy and feeling like a scrub, I give him a big old hug in the middle of Saladworks and thank him profusely. He told me that just because he's not in touch, doesn't mean he's not thinking about me. How frikkin cool is that?

We have our moments, I've got a great male BFF and I wouldn't trade him for the world and isn't that what friendship is all about? Yesterday he proved just how much our friendship means to him. I'm floored.

Ladies, do you have a male BFF? Men, do you have a female BFF?

06 November 2007

undeterred!

In spite of my recent misfortune this past weekend, I remain undeterred from continuing to date and exploring my options. I refuse to allow the errant ways of one man to take away any of the many positive attributes I possess. When I initially posted the blog about the experience, I thought I might be acting mean or rude, but I really don’t think I was. I felt that I was sharing an experience and looking for insight regarding it. I additionally think by sharing both positive and negative experiences in dating and relationships that we can better ourselves and find ways to improve instead of being subject to constant misgivings and misfortunes.

I was disappointed with the weekend not going as well as I’d hoped and thought it would, but I’m not bitter or angry. I’ll just put him in a category as Mr. Slish nicely stated in his comment on the situation seeing as what may not be acceptable to me may very well be cool for someone else. I must stand by my principles (as I did) and not settle because I’m a woman of a certain age or feel that my options are limited. They are so not! I’m a young, vibrant, intelligent, assertive (to name a few) woman who’s worked hard to be the best woman she can be and will not reduce herself to accepting actions that aren’t conducive to my character or social/emotional well-being. While it’s true that there are many women 40 and over who are having a hard time dating or getting into a relationship, I don’t consider myself one of them. I will not take up with a less than stellar (by my standards) man because I feel lonely, deprived, or sexually withdrawn. I'm happy with myself, my life, and direction it's heading in. The only detours I'll take are the ones that are going to be truly worth the journey. God made me a 'jewel' for a reason.

I’ll continue to put my rod in the water and even though I may pull out one that needs to be thrown back, I’m sure I’ll get the catch of the day when the time is right.

Thanks for all the comments from my previously post. It was great to get the feedback; especially from the men.

05 November 2007

dEaL bReAkErS

How does one go from meeting someone; having great conversations via phone, email, and text; developing a great vibe, a seemingly good connection; and then spend time with that person and say, “WTF happened?”

Well, I’m trying to figure that out myself. Without putting said person on blast (too much), I’ll try to be as polite as I can be. I’ll form a list of sorts of things I found to be deal breakers.

Girl buys first round of drinks. After drinks are over, he does not ask if girl wants another drink.

Girl is considered a strong, independent, and assertive person, which was said to be a very attractive quality, and then some how gets lumped into the “typical woman” category and endures the tirade of men vs. women issues.

Boy plays himself up to be Mr. Worldly and socially conscious and then announces, he’s homophobic, and my gay friends wouldn’t be warmly received (read: don’t bring them around me). Artists (painters, sculptors, and writers, etc.) have issues or are sick. This I have to explain…Painters and sculptors who create obscure pieces are sick. Why? Because he feels that the painter or sculptor has some deep issues or repressed problems that are being manifested in their works. Writers (according to him) follow a like way of being. If someone writes about sex/erotica, then they can be considered highly sexed or sexually deviant. Conversely he contradicts himself by saying it’s an expression of how one feels at the time; while never considering that many writers are or can write on demand. Furthermore, writing is CREATIVE and allows one to stretch the framework of their mind in order to magnify their writing capabilities.

Boy seems to have a black/white way of thinking without considering the shades of grey.

Considers himself to be romantic, yet says/does things to focus the attention on himself and/or fish for compliments.

Boy tells girl she’s a great person; a little rough around the edges, but with smoothing would be perfect.

Boy has a chauvinistic attitude and when challenged tries to play it off by saying, “I was just playing”.

Boys alleges to be all man, but his game is like Swiss cheese.

Okay, so now you have a cliff note version of some of the things I endured and now you can put your two cents in.

31 October 2007

randomness!

Why do people whine for good weather and then spend their time inside the house, the mall, or some other indoor place?

I saw an oversized (fat) man in a restaurant remove his shirt and sit there his undershirt while he ate...I was very disturbed.

How come people do not know that they're supposed to use a new plate each time they go up to the buffet?

On that same thought....how come people put their hands into the serving tray instead of using the provided utensils?

I'm listening to One Nation Under a Groove and having a hard time not getting up to dance.

I refuse to pay ATM fees, so I only utilize this one chain of convenience stores to get money or I use my Checkcard for everything.

How come I'm already compiling my receipts and such for tax season?

How come when you're sick or not feeling well, folk call you all the time and then tell you to get some rest?

I'm considering relinquishing my parental role for a little while.

If I could be rich off one trait, I think my personality would be the cause.

Never underestimate the power of love, the stupidity of hate, and the carelessness of indifference.

What is the purpose calling, texting, or emailing someone who wants nothing to do with you?

I've come to realize that men aren't as shallow as I used to think...the women seem to have that on smash anymore.

How come kids can't do the simple things, but always wanna do grown folk business?

30 October 2007

heartstrings

When taking new steps in life, you realize that the only path you can walk is your own. You can't follow the direction someone else wants for you because it's not your destiny. Knowing this and owning it can cause some malaise with others, but you must remain diligent and forge on your way.

One must truly be true to themselves and own whatever they know themselves to be. Living for someone else will only cause pain and contention as you're not being authentic and if you can't love yourself for whom you are, you can't expect to be loved in return. Well, at least not in the manner you feel you deserve. Life is about acceptance. It's about knowing someone's flaws and loving or liking them in spite of. We can love someone and not like them for something they've said or done, but at the end of the day, love should always prevail. Human compassion should allow us to see past our own selfishness or misgivings on a person on situation. Life as we know is short. Brushes with our mortality are only a breath away and who wants to live their life in a manner that's not conducive to their own happiness. We can not and will not get everything we want in life and we certainly can't appreciate something good if we've never experienced something bad. The trials in life surely become triumpths. We must remove the rose colored glasses and look at life with both eyes.

My heart if full dear ones. The proverbial fork in the road is trying to deter me, but I can not allow it to win. I must continue on and allow myself to see the forest for the trees, to take time to enjoy and appreciate the many splendors around me, and bottom line; I must simply just be me. I am only as weak as I allow myself to yeild. I am a beautiful child of God and He made no mistake in creating me. I keep His words close in mind where He leads, I will follow.

Proverbs 2:6-11

29 October 2007

Saving lives through early detection

This post is especially for the ladies; however, the men need to be aware of this too.

I'm sure many of you knew that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It meant that everywhere you turned there was something in pink being sold, little pink ribbons were being sold at checkout counters, and many were taking their friends and loved ones for mamograms. Breast cancer does not just affect those over 40; it can strike at any time; at any age. Through early detection, lives and in some cases breasts can be saved.

Yesterday, a former coworker, Rayne, and I participated in the Making Strides for Hope walk sponsored by the American Cancer Society to raise money and awareness for Breast Cancer funding and research. Each of us knew someone who has been affected by breast cancer; thus, making the walk even more meaningful. There were men, women, and children out on the Ocean City, NJ boardwalk early Sunday morning ready, willling, and able to partake in this great cause. No one is unaffected when someone is diagnosed with breast cancer; or any cancer.

Ladies, please take the time to do your monthly breast exams and men encourage your women to do it. It's been proven that men are sometimes the first to detect a lump due to foreplay, so there is an incentive for both women and men in doing the simple exam. Furthermore, we're all paying out the ass for healthcare, so we need to ensure that we're putting our insurance to good and thorough use. If you think something is wrong, chances are there is; so be dilligent in securing adequate care. We spend a lot of time, money, and energy into looking good, so we might as well make sure we're truly as good as we look on the outside.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month is almost over, but doesn't mean it's too late to get a mammogram. In addition, if someone in your family has been diagnosed or treated for it, go to the doctor just to make sure you're not linked. Even when there is no history, doesn't mean one is not at risk.

Be healthy and take care of yourselves!

26 October 2007

What da funk?

So, I'm at work yesterday and I walk past a coworkers desk and was assaulted by this awful smell. As I pass, I see this huge guy sitting there and the smell was permeating from him. We work in 8x8 cubes, so there's only but so much space within them. My poor coworker was sitting less than a foot from Stinky Dude. I asked my lead who S.D was and he told me and asked if I wanted to be introduced; "hell naw!" immediately left my lips and I walked away. I had to get back up and pass my coworkers desk again and thought I'd be spared from the offensive odor, but it again assualted me.

Now, my question is this...does S.D not know he smells? This is something I've always wondered when I've walked past people who smelled badly. I realize that one can get accustomed to their own sent, but come on, you can't tell that that smell is out of the ordinary? Do people who smell not have friends or family to tell them that they're not having the best hygiene moment? I really did want to say something to S.D, but what? how? I mean, I'd never even met him before so how could I? So many questions.

So, what would you do? If you smelled would you want someone to tell you? Do you think you'd be offended? I think I'd want to know. I think I'd want to know. I mean, if the person was pleasant in their approach and spoke kindly to me about my offense, I'm not sure I'd be offended. My friends tell me if an outfit looks a mess on me, or if my hair is having a issues, or if there's a booger in my nose; so why not tell me if I smell?

And the people say what?

25 October 2007

yes, i'm really black!

This might come as a surprise to some, but I’m black! Yes, visually, ethnically, and culturally black. Why am I telling you this? Well, it was brought to my attention that I’m not really black. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this; college was the first, but I’ve heard it off and on since then. Naturally, I was taken aback by that assessment and of course asked for clarification. The following is why I was/am perceived as not being really black.

I was born and raised in England. I moved hear when I was 15 and still have my accent. It may not be as strong in the conversational sense as it’s kind of hard to understand me on occasion, so I have to enunciate more; however, it’s still easy to detect the accent. That being said, it’s safe to assume I speak Standard English. In speaking with me on the phone, I can and have been perceived as being white because some people have a hard time realizing that blacks can and do speak without the use of Ebonics. Furthermore, there are those who still have a hard time understanding (then moreso than now) that there are blacks in England/Europe. That being said, I’m seen as aloof, bougie, or “less black” by the way I speak instead of being seen as educated, a good communicator, or just favorable to being clearly understood.

I have “White/European features”! That’s quite a newsflash to me because I’m of mixed heritage in the sense that my family is Jamaican, of Maroon (African) descent on my mother’s side with a mix of white, Arawak Indian, and Cuban. On my father’s side, I’m mixed with Arawak Indian, African, and maybe some white; the latter has never been confirmed. These races make me the person I am and my features are a result of all of them. I had no say in that fact that my nose is straight and not wide, but my paternal grandmother was part Indian; hence the feature. You get where I’m going with this.

I don’t dress black! Hmm? I had to really think about that one. I didn’t know there was such a thing for women. Brutha’s I know there is an unwritten dress code to some degree. *lol*. Anyway, in questioning this one, I was told that I wear “white branded” jeans, I don’t rock sneakers often, I wear clothes that are my size appropriate, and I style my hair in a “white” way. I found myself laughing hysterically considering, I see MANY black women with platinum blonde hair. Hmm? This perception of me really made me laugh because I’ve always dressed in a manner that suited both me alone and my personality. I don’t like trendy clothes and tend not to follow style, but rather set them. Again, I wasn’t aware that the way one dresses and the designers chosen were indicative or race.

I listen to ALL kinds of music. I listen to music for the beat yes; however, it’s the lyrical content that truly means something to me and I will listen to whatever suits me and my moods based on that. Music that calls me out my name, is misogynistic, promotes violence, trivializes and demeans sex and intimacy as something other than a beautiful experience, and whatever else that’s being spewed out, is just not for me regardless of who’s singing it.

I’ve dated outside of my race. Considering I grew up in a country were it’s truly a melting pot because there are currently more interracial relationships and biracial children that it seems like “beige” people will be the majority; I’ve always kept my options open. I like a man for who he is not what color he is. I’ve had my share of the good and bad of the races I’ve dated, but that doesn’t make black men less desirable to me. Hell, one of my future ex husbands is both black AND English. *lol*

These (mis)perceptions used to give me room for annoyed pauses, but now I simply laugh because it shows a level of ignorance of both blacks and whites. Whites have also considered me to be “less black” or “not like them” because of my features, speech, and how I carry myself. Amazing!

Anyhoo…Until I open my mouth, I’m still just another black woman who gets the crooked eye from security in a major department store or some old white lady; so it’s time to stop judging a book by it’s cover and open it instead. One might be pleasantly surprised by the content.

24 October 2007

the growth

My transitions (as I said yesterday) over the past few months have been many. Some have been scary; some stressful; many emotional, and finally all worthwhile. Each experience has taught me more and more about myself and about people in general.

I've found that good people do bad things intentionally and unintentionally and given the opportunity to make things right they will or will at least try to. On that same premise, I've found that even given the opportunity to make amends, they are still held in contempt. I looked at this situation deeply and explored the many reasons why this happens and found that people will forgive, but certainly not forget. Even if they say they have or will; they won't. I took it one step further and sought pastoral insight to find that those who say they forgive, only do it to make the other person feel better, while it can still be used as a weapon of emotional control . Why? Because the person isn't willing to look deep within themselves or they are dealing with their own emotional shortcomings to see themselves from another perspective. Many people uphold expectations of others because they think they're morally right or that's how they feel they would be in a given situation; the fact of the matter is that we all fall short and it's not based on magnitude; it's based on the deed period.

I've learned that strength is formed in times of weakness and when we're pushed beyond our limits. Allowing oneself moments of true humility and vulnerability are essential and the character that's built from those moments are great and magnificent. Finding ways to reduce or eliminate drama and stress are also effective tools in mental, physical, and emotional growth because we relieve ourselves of the unnecessary clutter in our lives, fill ourselves with wholesome things, and take the toxicity out of states of being. I haven't had a migraine in months, my degenerated disk has been rather tolerable, and the intermittent shoulder blade pain I would get from a car accident hasn't resurfaced. I attribute these physical successes to my mental and emotional cleansing. I now say no when I can't or don't really want to do something. I try to rest when my body says rest, and I do not allow another's issues to become a part of me. I can and will provide support to someone in need, but that's all I can do. I can not allow myself to be their sponge.

Strengthing in my faith and taking time to speak with those who know The World has also been a considerably beneficial experience. The right words at the right time is like being fed the best meal you could ever imagine. Saying, "thank you Jesus" has become rather demeaned as it's said so casually, but putting some true emphasis behind it and taking the time to reflect on what you're thanking Him for makes it really count. I'm in a great place in my life right now. I'm happy, more confident and secure in myself, I have great family and friends, and I know what my walk in life is and is about. I truly understand and utilize the Serentity Prayer as a part of daily life. There are and will be negative events and people in my life, but through it all, I still look to find something positive in it all.

Life is good and it's all love!

23 October 2007

The light is back on

The past months have been interesting to say the least, but I can wholeheartedly say that it was all worth it. For mountain from the molehill I conquered to just becoming the better person I could be gave me great insight to my life and all that surrounds me. I also turned 40 during my time away and I welcomed and embraced that day like it was a newborn.

Thanks for all the well wishes and support that you left me while I was on hiatus; it meant a lot to know that you were all still interested in me. I look forward to blogging on a regular basis and I have plenty to talk about. I received an insightful email from someone recently, which I will post as a Guest Blogger upon his approval. I think it's fitting with the topics I discuss and one that will be of interest to all also.

I'm anxious to get started, but today is kind of hectic for a real post, so consider this an appetizer until the main course comes.

Love!

25 September 2007

Inner Peace

I thought I'd share some of the things I've learned and have been learning while not blogging....

How do you know when you have gained inner peace in your life?

  • You begin to draw emotional boundaries which negative/toxic people cannot cross.
  • You stop giving your power, time, money, body and sanity away to people and conditions that can steal your joy and your purpose.
  • You begin to simplify your life.
  • You begin to value quiet time.
  • You don't feel insecure if you are alone.
  • You begin to trust yourself more.
  • You begin to trust God more.
  • Your choices in food, fun, family and friends changes for the better.
  • You sleep better because you let go of worry.
  • You spend time with the people and activities that bring out your best.
  • You don't spend a lot of energy trying to fix or rescue other people.
  • You change what you can and what cannot be changed, "it is what it is."
  • You have gratitude for the things God has brought you through and not dwell on the things He didn't do.
  • Life lessons learned help you to bounce back with more resiliency after setbacks, disappointments or loss.
  • You focus less on the mess and stress and have more gratitude for your blessings and success.
  • You are liberated from shame, anger, fear and guilt.

03 September 2007

A quick note

Since my "dimming the lights" post, so much has happened that i feel like my life has been on the Autobahn (German highway). Thinking back to just a week ago is almost a hard task, but I'm well. My transitioning has gone well so far, but the road ahead is still on "take it one day at a time".

Prayer, faith, and inspiration keeps me going and I thank those of you who've continued to drop by and leave notes or send email. I love you all for that.

Great things are in the works for me and I can feel my gem light powering up for it's reentry into the world both virtual and literal.

Looking forward to having you all there to share in in.

Love!

08 August 2007

Dimming the lights at the Jewel(ry) "store"

With so much going on in my life right now, I need to take some time out.

I need to commit myself to catering to me right now as well as work on my dream of being published.

Whenever possible, I will check blogs and comment, though I won't be publishing any of my own for a while.

I appreciate all of you who've supported, encouraged, and inspired me and please know that I WILL return.

31 July 2007

Inspiration

I had no idea what I was going to post or if I was going to post; until I came across the following. It says so much and is filled with so much hope and inspiration that I would have been remiss in not sharing it.

Enjoy!

Waves of now
The problems may be great, yet your ability to successfully deal with them is greater. Each disappointment can be painful, and yet through that pain you are compelled to grow stronger and more capable.
Life goes on, and each moment brings new positive possibilities. You live, you learn, you experience, and through it all you become more fully alive than ever.

You have carried with you to this moment all the joy and beauty you've ever known. Now you are in a position to discover and to fulfill even more.

Seek not to fight against what is. For within what is, the very real opportunity exists for precisely what you wish to be.

In whatever may come your way, you can find the energy and substance to bring your own dreams to life. Run eagerly to greet each moment, for in each moment is the opportunity to fully live.

Life's sparkling treasure rolls in on endless waves of now. Appreciate the depth and the vastness of that treasure, and it is yours.

-- Ralph Marston

30 July 2007

dumb women!

"The only thing that frightens me is a weak woman" - Salma Hayek

I agree with her wholeheartedly because we are indeed some strong people and have exacted strength even at our weakest moments. I once said, "a man will never truly know or understand the strenght of a woman" and I stand behind that.

But I do have to admit there are some pretty weak and messed up women out there and I'd like to go toe to toe with a few of them. Why? I'll tell ya....

After having watched "Daddy's Little Girls" for the 3rd time within a week, I couldn't help but want to reach through the tv and beat the stank off the "baby mama" character. Folk, chick ran me so hot that I can't even remember her name for the post. Anyhoo, her name is irrelavent, but her position isn't.

In the name of everything holy, how and why does a woman birth 3 children, pawn them off on her mother to raise, and take up with some low-life because of his status? Does she have no shame? (rhetorical). Though the movie is fictional, one can't help but know that it's truly not. There are plenty of women who do this. They pawn their children off so they can run the streets, maintain their youth, or conduct themselves in less that maternal ways for a dude. What's worse is to demean the father of the children when he is doing right by them.

As not to tell the movie, I'll leave it at that, but it doesn't end my thought process.

I'm currently aware of a grown man who due to some faults of his own lives with his parents. He works and tries to uplift himself and I commend him for that. I further commend that he has sole custody of his eldest daughter whom also resides with him and his parents. He does not shun his role off to his parents, nor does he do things to compromise her life in favor of his own amusements. For the sake of this post, we'll call him Stan. Stan also has another daughter whom spends more time with him than her mother. He treats her with the same love, care, and paternal guidance as his oldest daughter. Her mother gets child support, though never spends time with their daughter, nor does she spend the money wisely on the child. She has all but abandoned the girl, yet makes demands for financial increases and a dumb ass judge awarded it.

Now, please tell me how that even makes sense? She doesn't care for or support the child. She spends little or no time with her, and treats not just child, but the father with little or no respect. In instances like this where the father is doing everything in his power to raise his children up right, a judge knocks him down and we wonder why some parents kidnap their childrem or don't pay child support at all. I give Stan credit for doing everything he can to raise his daughters without relying heavily on his mother outside of being a female role model and influence. I commend Stan for loving his daughters enough to have them and care for them. What I fault is the mothers who abandoned them and them make financial demands for them.

I'd like to speak to some of the judges who treat caring fathers so badly and force them, and ultimately the child(ren) to suffer for their ill-made decision. In a society where so many men do not act appropriately with their children, I can't understand why the ones that do are given the short end of the stick. Strip these so-called mothers of their parental (lack thereof) rights and allow the child to grow in a safe environment where they are loved and properly cared for without fear of a scandalous parent showing up when they feel like it. Furthermore, support the fathers who are doing right by their children.

This truly makes me wanna holla!

25 July 2007

Whatcha know about me?

I've been tagged by the Meme blog monster! *sacastic yay* I really don't want to do this, but since others have participated and put some of their business on blast, I guess I can reciprocate in kind. LOL I have to post the rules so here goes...

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

**************

1) I'm not particularly fond of Meme's. I figure, if I want you to know something about me, I'll just tell you. I dislike doing things under "duress".

2) I'm a PostSecret junkie. The first thing I do when I go downstairs on a Sunday morning is to read the posts. I've experienced a myriad of emotions while reading the secrets and have considered submitting my own, but haven't.

3) For the longest time, people thought I was an only child. I have siblings, but seeing as I was either estranged from some of them or simply didn't like said sibling, I never spoke of them; thus giving the impression I was an only. It's changed over the years though.

4) I've studied 4 foreign languages; received good grades in each, and yet speak none of them with any frequency or fluency except Enlgish. I can still read, write and comprehend in French and Spanish. I know virtually no Russian; and I can read, but comprehend only a little German.

5) I once scared my now ex-husband so bad that he wouldn't eat or drink anything I'd prepared for about two weeks.

6) I love to travel and have been doing it since I was a child with or without company. I thoroughly enjoy going to new places, experiencing new cultures/people, and would love to go somewhere new at least once a month.

7) I knew I was having a girl the moment I found out I was pregnant and named her when I heard her heartbeat for the first time.

8) I've come to realize that Love is the most common; yet elusive emotion of all. I'm both awed and terrified of it.

I know take on the daunting task of tagging the following....

Terry
Paula D
Yazmar
jus.b.fli
D.C
Ingrid
HooDoo Princess

24 July 2007

Blu Jewel PSA #2: If you want out, get out!

Okay, boys and girls class is in session; so sharpen your pencils, make sure there's ink in your pens, or your fingers are tapping the keyboards to take notes...Let's begin!

So, you're in a relationship you don't want to be in and you say you want to leave; do you keep having sex with the person? Survey says, no! The last thing you need to do is send mixed signals about your intentions and you certainly aren't making the break up any easier by allowing that person to think you might change your mind. Now, with that thought in mind, can someone please tell me why a man in this situation would not only keep sleeping with the girl he wants to get away from and not only was he still sleeping with her; she's now pregnant!

I know. I know! You're probably saying to yourselves, "what an idiot!" Yes, boys and girls, he's an idiot and one that will now be attached to a woman for the rest of his life. To make matters worse, the girl is not someone with whom he'd prefer to be attached to; hence why he wanted out. In addition, she's of less than stellar social attributes (read chickenhead). She's 6-7 years his senior and already has a teenaged child. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not dissing the girl; in fact this isn't really about her. This is a lesson in thinking with the right head; at the right time; and doing the right thing.

We'll call him Frank. Frank alleged he wanted to end the relationship because it wasn't working and it wasn't what he wanted. He's still young, getting his life together, and not ready for a child, but his error in judgment is now going to leave him with a woman he'd rather not deal with and a child he's ill-prepared for. He alleged proximity to his job is why he continued to stay with her instead of staying with his boy; however, lack of planning and foresight was a part of the problem. Franks additional mistakes were 1) prematurely jumping into a relationship; 2) moving in with her in her place; and 3) not protecting himself during his mixed signals.

Lesson learned...if you say you want to end a relationship; end it. Make provisions to take care of yourself and move on. Do not, and I repeat DO NOT continue sleeping with the person and if you do so, make you're protected.

Have a plan If you don't have a plan, random circumstances will make one for you. And you probably won't like it much.

Decide what you would like and go for it. Success is no more complicated than that.
The energy and time you spend can either bring you toward your dreams or it can keep you in the service of someone else's dream. Choose to follow your own dreams.

Explore your own most deeply held values and purposes. Decide precisely how you would like your world and your life to be.

The most dismal failures are not caused by the inability to reach a goal. Those failures are the result of not having a clear enough and meaningful enough goal.

Know exactly where you intend to go, and you're much more likely to get there. Have a plan, follow it with persistence, and enjoy being where you sincerely choose to be.
-- Ralph Marston

23 July 2007

Blu Jewel PSA #1 – Knowing your playa quotient

As many know there’s a lot to be said about getting your game on; your creep on; you’re sexual prowess; and the like. Many think they have what it takes to successfully achieve the aforementioned, but self-praise is no guarantee of your capabilities; well unless your game is just that tight!

Here’s a few things that I know are essential to getting and keeping yourself in the game and not find yourself assed out and in a world of hurt.

PROBLEM – Standards…The person with whom you’re creeping with must have something to lose in the situation too.
SUGGESTION – Know a little more than their name, they look good, or have good freak potential. Keep your jump off at some distance so you’re not “bumping” into each other unnecessarily. Don’t overly reveal too much about your personal life; spouse; or S.O. Over sharing can be used against you.

PROBLEM - The Underwear Factor…If you’re creeping, the last thing you want to do is go home in soiled undies or in a color that you didn’t leave home in.
SUGGESTION - Get in the habit of wearing the same color/style as it safely prevents you from being found out. If the creep is a regular activity, leave undies as your jump-offs spot.

PROBLEM - The Scent Factor…Chances are you’ll want to clean up/shower after the deed is done and as not to draw attention to yourself by smelling a little too fresh and clean you have to exact some additional common sense practices.
SUGGESTION – As with leaving undies at the creep spot; leave the same scented lotion, perfume or colognes at their house. If that’s not possible, carry trial sizes of said products. Of to play it additionally safe, use unscented products or don’t wear a scent that day if you know you’re getting together.

PROBLEM – Talking Too Much…Yeah, “Roni/Tyrone” has some good ish with them, but your girl/boy doesn’t need to know or know everything/every detail.
SUGGESTION – Resist the urge to reveal and if you have to, make sure who you tell has as much or more so to lose as you. Also, is Roni tells Lisa or Tyrone tells Jordan that old girl/boy is working with something extra good, she/he could potentially tempt their friend to wanna sample the goodies.

PROBLEM – Alibi…If you’re married or living with someone, the last thing you should be doing is bringing your jump-off to the crib. Or if your bf/gf has a key to your crib and they may show up at anytime.
SUGGESTION – Find a cheap but decent hotel/motel to get your creep on at or if you’re really cool with a single friend who has an extra room, maybe you could use it. Remember said person has to be able to keep your secret. Most importantly, whomever is covering your back, make sure they’re completing in sync with the coverup.

PROBLEM – Needing to communicate during “off” hours....
SUGGESTION – If you have to call him/her block your number and their “other” answers, relax, be confident, and ask for a person of the same sex as the caller. This usually throws the person off. I know said limit who you tell, but in certain instances, you may need someone to intervene on your behalf. On said occasions, ensure that said person’s name has already been established so they’re not caught off guard. Furthermore, establish a word code to let each other know it’s safe to speak.

PROBLEM – Blurring the Line…Either you or the jump off is acting like feelings are being caught.
SUGGESTION – Talk it out if you can and if not, end that ish before it gets real messy. Hopefully, this will go off without incident. Remember Fatal Attraction is VERY real.

PROBLEM – Birth Control…This shouldn’t even be a problem. This is a MANDATORY part of the game. STDs or pregnancy should NOT be able to factor into what you’re doing. The last thing you need is to go home with something you didn't leave with.
SUGGESTION – Ladies, make sure you have your OWN method of BC and ensure he’s wearing a condom. Men, BRING YOUR OWN condoms. Sorry ladies, you know how shady we can get and a hole in a condom could yield more than just a pregnancy.

Okay boys and girls, don’t say you haven’t been learned…lol!

19 July 2007

things that make me say, "what da?"

H.G.Ms (Hot Ghetto Messes) that swear up and down they're the cutest, sexiest, trendiest, things alive. I particularly hate BET for even having a show portraying them.

F.Gs (Flaming Queens) dont get me wrong, i have no beef with gay men, but those that are so "extra" in EVERYTHING they do kills me.

MySpace fiends! I mean is it really THAT serious? I've heard of people "stalking" other people's pages, fussing over who's in the "Top Friends" lists, calling or cussing folk out, and whatnot! Get a damn life already.

Y&R...Okay, can someone please tell me how a women (Carmen Mesta) gets killed, a lookalike comes to town, leaves, and we still don't know the significance of her role and her interaction with David Chow. Or how does Victor let Nikki troll ass slide for kissing David and publically humiliating him? Amber! Need I say more?

Fake people...what purpose do they serve? If we don't talk or interact, what gives you the right to come up to me and try to be all in my biz? Or the ones that say/do this or that and then act all innocent about their game. *ugh*

Stop touching me!!! Now this is a super peeve of mine. If I'm at the club and we're dancing, what gives dude the right to think he can just start touching me? I said we could dance NOT get intimate. *sheesh* Also on that note, why is it when you're passing me, that you need to touch me in the process? AARRGGHH! Talk about make me wanna back hand someone.

I know I have an accent, but dammit it's not that hard to figure out I'm saying, Ranch (pronounced RARNCH) and not French for my dressing?

If the left lane is a passing lane, why do some folk sit it in doing the speedlimit and cars in the right lane are speeding by?

Fashion faux pas...Do you know have a mirror? Do you not realize those colors don't match? Do you not realize you're a size 20 and the outfit you have on is for a size 12? There are waistband on jeans for a reason...why do you have on a belt and the pants still sag to the bottom of your ass? Air Force 1's or Tims with every outfit is NOT cute.

Why are dogs allowed to sit in the front seat while the driver is driving? Also, why are they allowed to jump all around and be a distraction, but kids have to be restrained?

How come I'm having a hard time figuring out the gender of some teen girls, I mean boys, no, girls? Aww hell, I'm confused...what's your name kid? If water and food are necessities in life, how come they're so damn expensive? I see fat couples and wonder if they have a sex life...Cringing!

Teenage girls always walking around with a scowl on their faces looking mean and old.

People thinking that everyone wants them.

Why would you call someone after midnight and ask them if they're up knowing they get up before 6:00am?

Reading blogs with suggestive content or listening to songs that eff with your libido.

18 July 2007

friend, can you spare the time?

I read this post Too Busy, by Mizjj and it served as the catalyst for this post.

Over the past year or so, I've taken inventory on some people I afforded the title friend. I realized for some the title was ill-deserved and had to revoke their association with the word. There were a few that I increased their status because in so many ways, they were more deserving even though I'd known them for a lesser time than the former. I had to come to terms with quality over longevity and just because one has chronological time in, doesn't mean they were still worthy.

It pained me to have to make the choices I did, but I realized I was over-invested and residuals weren't yielding good dividends. I realized that I could no longer be in the deficit and allow myself to continually be the giver and less frequently the receiver.

Recently, I went through great pains to locate someone I'd known since I was 14. We shared a lot of history together and he was someone whom I'd always considered a dear friend. Upon finding him, we shared a few intense hours talking and catching up and I was sure things between us would maintain with some frequency; they haven't. I could very easily make attempts to contact him, but why? He has my number and if per chance, he lost it; his cousin whom I'm also friends with has it. I'm not that hard pressed that I'll sweat him to keep in touch. While I do miss him; especially after how good things went when last I saw him, I can't force someone to do something that no longer comes naturally to them.

I know someone else whom I once considered the twin soul. We were instant friends and things between us were great; well, so it seemed. Long story short, he's too busy. Too busy to even send a quick text message to say hi. Granted he does have a lot going on, but who doesn't? We're all busy in some respects, but if someone means as much to you as they say, then a few minutes should be better than none at all. The sad thing is that I used to really enjoy talking to him and he was my "escape" when my life got crazy. Now, he's just someone I know.

There was also this other guy I was close to, but he got all weird on me and while he'd profess his undying love for our friendship, he became more and more distant. We talked about it all at length and things improved for a while, but it went back to distant and strained so now, we just "check in" from time to time. It seems odd in some ways, but at least we know how things are with each other and where we stand, so there's no real beef or issue.

I used to think it was women who acted shady when it came to friendships, but it's more than obvious than men have their drama too. I've never really been one for close female friends or company and can count on a few fingers the women I'd consider BFFs. Those are the ones who are more like my heart sisters. I do have a male friend who's my BFF and even though we can work each others nerves; he to me moreso than me to he; I wouldn't stop being his friend unless he did something hella foul. We've had our share of disagreements, but he'll make time for me if/when necessary and would never tell me no if it was in his power to help me.

It's people like him and my heart sisters that make me treasure the word FRIENDSHIP. I no longer throw it around gracing people with an undeserved and unearned title. The word is far too precious and means too much to have it demeaned or defiled by the undeserving.

As the Capital One commercial says, "what's in your wallet?" I ask, who's in your corner?

17 July 2007

Family Ties

First, let me thank you all for your immeasurable support and your words of encouragement and inspiration. In a world where people tend to shy away from those in need, it's nice to know there are still some that show up instead of walking up. You're simply the best!

I took a much need mini vacation and went to visit family and had a great time. I spent time with my older brother and family to include his in-laws who welcomed me like I was one of their own. That was a lovely feeling; especially when I have no blood relatives close to me outside of lil lady.

I also went to my cousin's wedding and hung out with the rest of the crazy cousins. We're the kind of people that we simply pick up where we left off and never worry about the lack of communication in between. We spend our time catching up, eating, drinking, and talking trash. If any of you have ever spent any time with a close knit Jamaican family, then you have an idea of what I'm talking about. If you haven't, you're missing a truly good time. My best friend Rayne, got her taste of my clan a few years ago and has become an honorary "Jamerican" and was welcomed into the clan. She looks forward to the annual get together in Orlando where the majority of the cousins live. We're planning for the upcoming one in a couple of weeks. Hopefully, I'll recover enough to tell you all about it, but trust me, some of the details are on a Vegas level *wink* so I won't be sharing everything.

Being around them filled me with love, warmth, closeness, and all the things I needed to refresh and rejuvenate myself. The time away was well worth the 6-hour drive one way to see them.

It's amazing how a few days away from work, home, and your usual environment can waken your senses, clear your mind, and help you to live a little better. I certainly know how important it is to treasure family and to make the most of your time together; as I said, I don't get to do it often.

We all get busy and we all have obligations, but take a little time out for yourself and for your family/friends/loved ones. What's the sense in acquiring all that leave time if you don't use it? Even if you can only take one day off, make it a good one and do something memorable.

11 July 2007

That which does not break us...

Since my last post, I've been going through something that has in no way caused me to doubt my faith or trust in God; it simply gave me pause. Shock and confusion and even a little denial took residence in my because the situation was completely the contrary to anything I could have imagined.

I'm surrounded by quality friends, family, a great pastor, and with them I know I'll be okay. As I read the Word and Ralph Marston's daily inspiration, I was reminded that one cannot sit in a fog nor should one limit themselves due to an illness, lack of confidence in something, or feel as if they're not good enough or worthy. There is much we can do if we put our minds to it and that which does not break us, will truly make us stronger.

"Negative thoughts fog your thinking and your perception. With each doubt, with each frustration, with each fear the fog grows heavier.
After a while, it becomes difficult to see how to move forward. And that just makes the fog even thicker.
The fog of negative thinking prevents you from seeing and acting on your best possibilities. Instead of focusing on moving forward, you're able only to give your attention to the petty distractions of the moment.
There is something, though, that will burn off that fog. It is determined, passionate, meaningful intention.
Give your energy to positive purpose, and the fog will begin to lift. Then step confidently through what's left of the fog, and you'll quickly leave it behind.
At times it may seem that there's no escaping the fog of your negative thoughts, yet at any time you can choose to be free. Fill your spirit with true purpose, and your best possibilities will come clearly into view
." -- Ralph Marston

I'm in no way a quitter; never have been and never will be. I'm completely unbreakable, undeniable, and unsinkable. One of my talents aside from writing is, making it through the storm one way or another and this time will be no different. Negative thinking produces negative energy and there's already enough of that in the world, so I have to swim upstream even though the journey may be harder that way. I reflected on these words this morning and was inspired to finally get a post up...

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul.”—Psalm 23:1-3". I read "he restores my soul" over and over again and couldn't help but feel uplifted and inspired. I am a child of God and He will take care of me.

We all know how short and precious life is and we all know how easy it is to get sidetracked and look at our trials negatively instead of realizing there is a lesson to be learned and testimony to profess. My trial has brought forth some healing, some overdure reconcilliation, and a lot of clarity. And for that alone, there is much to be grateful for. So, I implore each of you to find that which will not break you and make yourselves stronger. I implore each of you to have your soul restored. Most of all, be thankful and grateful each and every day and when that fog starts to set it, become that lighthouse; that beacon of strength, hope, and inspiration to yourself and others.

Love!