04 December 2008

i hear dumb people

I was in Tuby Ruesday (as it became affectionately called after a few too many drinks) and I overheard a few guys talking about hooking up and things they consider deal breakers. The convo went something like this. All names created for ease of discussion.

Tom: When I'm hooking up, I want the girl with the cute friends and try to make it a group activitiy.

John: I want a girl who's gonna let the alcohol rule.

Mike: Yea, that's great, but who wants a girl with her own condom stash?

::enter crickets::

John: Whatcha saying dude?

Tom: A girl with her own condoms is cool. That means you've got more to party with.

Mike: Nah dude. If she's got her own stash that means she probably sleeps around.

::enter crickets again. a few stifled laughs and me with a WTF? expression::

John: Dude, you're an ass. Whadya mean she probably sleeps around? Safe sex is good. Safe and easy sex is even better.

Tom: Yea, if ya hooking up, you want it to be stress free and who wants to be all hot and bothered and then worry about condoms.

Mike: But that's not cool dude.

Okay, so by now my mind is going a mile a minute and I'm like, how dumb is Mike really? Being completely gobsmacked by the nonsense coming out of Mike's mouth that I continue to listen adn he tries to prove his point.

Mike: I mean if I'm hooking up and I'm at her place, I don't want her reaching into the drawer and going through an assortment of condoms. That makes her look easy and cheap.

John: Man, are you hearing yourself? You're a f*cking moron. If you're hooking up, the girl is probably easy in the first place dude, so you better be happy that she's got her own stash or you could get more than an easy lay.

::Tom and John high five. Mike ponders::

Mike: Yeah, but girls aren't supposed to be ready to hook up. We're men and we're sposed to be in charge and ready for the show.

I've now had my second beer and I'm trying to convince myself that the beer is taking control of my mental accuities and I"m really not hearing the crap Mike's spewing.

Tom: Dude with that attitude you shouldn't even be hooking up. You're too stupid to see and opportunity and take it.

John: Yea, and this way you get to either use more; if you can stay hard that long ::huge laughter:: or you'll have more of your own left for another time.

Mike: F*ck you! I don't care what you say. I don't want no girl who's got her own condom stash.

Fortunately, my friends joined showed up and saved me from anymore of the boylsheet that was coming from Mike. I couldn't believe he was that equally dumb and naive to think that the girls he was hooking up with werent easy and weren't smart enough to be responsible about their looseness. I replayed the conversation for my friends who shared in the concensus that Mike would be most likely to either get an STD or someone pregnant from a hook up.

It's sad that there are people who really think that women shouldn't have their own condom supply or might be offended by it. In this day and age, you can't be too careful with the person you're already in a relationship with let alone someone you're just hooking up with.

I'd rather see dead people than hear dumb ones.


02 December 2008

song i'm feeling...bad!

since entering my 40's i realize that my sexual appetite had become quite voracious. While I'm not nearly as active as I'd like to be; sex is still something that i find wanting to engage in with some frequency.

I wasn't paying attention to the lyrics of The Hunger - Eric Benet until this morning and the lyrics sounded so much like how I'd be with that special someone. Tell me what you think of them.
Still wanting me... still hungry

Now the first kiss was the one
that left me seeing just how deep your into me.
Surprised by your intensity, I couldn't believe.

Now the next kiss happened 7 days ago
that's when I started letting go
dropped my guard and let you know
i was ready for more.

Oh, thats when I took you home
and i wasn't quite ready for how you came
words can't explain
the pleasures we've explored.

oh, we've been making love 6 nights strong
and i can't believe just how long you can go
i'm ready for more of the hunger in your soul

{Chorus} Girl you're blazing like you never get enough of me
its amazing and i'm loving that you're
still wanting me... you're still hungry

You keep rising like you're never gonna reach the top
I'm not trynna make you stop because you're
still wanting me... still hungry

Now the first time was amazing like I said.
Like nothing I've seen, done or read Colors
and music played in my head I wasn't prepared

Now the next time happen when i finally caught my breath
I saw the sweat drip off your chest.
Girl you inspire my very best
and I gave nothing less

and it seems
with every conversation in between
i get a little more attracted
when you open up your mind girl I find your
perception of the world coincides with mine.

and I tried to let the fever in me subside
but every time i see that little look in your eye
i come back to life
and I rise, I rise, I rise, ohhhh

From the bedroom to the kitchen,
up against the wall Still I hear your body call because y
ou're still wanting me, and you're still hungry

From 100 miles an hour back to slow motion
I'm the waves up on your ocean
cause your still wanting me, and you're still hungry

{bridge} Did you know that you smile when you're asleep?
is it there all the time...
or only when you're with me?
When the morning sun shines on your face
Let me be the first breath you take.

{repeat chorus til end} Girl you're blazing
like you never get enough of me its amazing
and i'm loving that
you're still wanting me... you're still hungry

You keep rising like you're never gonna reach the top
I'm not trynna make you stop because
you're still wanting me... still hungry


25 November 2008

a random sprinkling of jewel dust...

okay, so i know it's been damn near a month since i last posted something, but that doesn't mean i haven't missed you all. what it actually means is that there's been a lot going on and it's prohibited me from blogging about it; well until today.

today, i'm going to post random samplings of what i've been doing and going through...

so, my Jamaica boo and i had a huge fight, mended fences, and are friends again. he's still laying claim to the goods, but that's his issue not mine *giggle*

i'm still seeing The Toolbelt (the one my last post was about), though i've slowed that down some. and i'm also seeing Mr. Cerebral. They ironically live roughly 15 minutes from each other, but the good thing is that the latter spends his social time in Brooklyn, so never the two shall meet. *phew*

dating (more than one guy) is way out of my league for real peeps! though i'm handling it pretty well, it's still overwhelming and something that i'm not used to.

i have these crazy horny periods that i have the worst time containing. i was in Florida, so there was no way for me to satisfy my needs. Girl 6 had NOTHING on me when i made my calls (read: demands) for sexual gratification upon my return to NJ.

Lil Lady continues to be the most amazing person to me. while so many mothers are going through hell with their teens, i'm enjoying a warm, affectionate, open, and honest relationship with mine. *yay*

speaking of Lil Lady, she has once again made the High Honor Roll. beauty AND brains in one petite lil package. i'm so blessed!

"Yes, we can" is something that i'm living by and find ways to apply it to my life on a daily basis. i'm not going to be that person who voted for the man and is now complacent because i've gotten what i wanted. i'm going to be an even bigger advocate for positive change and efficiency for myself, my family, and my community.

even though i'm struggling financially (like most are), i'm ever grateful for what i DO have and i'm thankful for each and every day i wake, can work, have health benefits, etc. i don't complain about what i don't have because there truly is so much i have and to be grate/thankful for.

my health continues to be good and even though i'm sick of being poked and prodded, examined, and charted, i know it's for the greater good and health awareness is a key proponent in keeping me alive and well.

even though i'm dating, love is still elusive to me and i do truly hope one day that it'll find me, take me down, and hold me hostage for life.

faith and prayer are two key components in how i make it through life.

as we approach Thanksgiving, i reflect on the many things/people I'm thankful for and it's easier to focus on the good stuff rather than the bad. as Sam Cooke's song said, A Change Gone Come and it can/will as long as we believe and participate.

i refused the extremely rude and errant attempts on getting my attention while in JFK airport recently and was called out my name for it. i promptly corrected him and infromed him that his actions and inability to accept my refusal demonstrated a lack of class and integrity on his part and that he's apparently not used to dealing with women with any real respect for herself and that's why he came out his face. i went on to tell him that he might want to dig into his pysche as to why he sees and treats women the way he does if he has any hopes on getting a woman with any self-worth. i walked away leaving him some words to ponder and about 15 mins later, he came back and apologized. he told me he's not used to women turning him down (he was attractive) and that he was used to getting his way and what he wanted. ironically, this led to a conversation about women, their worth and that woman are their own worst enemy and sell themselves out for the stupidest of things. at the end if the conversation we agreed that we truly hope that we can regain our positions as princesses/queens/empresses. he said, he was going to work on being a king. *wow*

work has been so crazy and demanding lately and i really felt like my efforts were going unnoticed. actually they weren't and my manager has given me a lot of props for what i've been doing and how well i've taken on my increased work load.

i've taken the opportunity to travel for work and i love it as much as i did in the past. in Oct i went to IN and KY. last week, i was in Fl, and next month, i'm going to TX. i want to stay marketable, gain field experience, and show them that i'm willing to learn and mature in my work skills.

a good/reliable source says my name has come up for some form of promotion in the new year.

speaking of traveling; my trip to Fl was fantastical! i was in Jacksonville, Orlando, and Miami with a great guy in my work group. we had a blast and hooked up with my fave girl cuz in Miami and had a night on the town. he'd never been to Fl before, so we had to make it memorable for him.

i was able to stay for the remainder of the weekend and catch up with mum and dad and sis.

my cuz and i are completely nuts together; always have been and always will be. we're the proverbial two peas in a pod. together we're like C4 waiting to be ignited! i think we might have been the catalyst for what we saw on a t-shirt. "came here for vacation and left on probation". though we've never been summoned by any law enforcement agencies, we've come close. *giggle at the mems*

i apologize for being out of the loop, but life has to be lived, but know that i've not forgotten any of you and even though i may not always comment, i do try to read your blogs and see what you're up to.

well, my blog fam, that's all for now. Happy Thanksgiving to each and every one of you. I pray blessings for you and your families/friends during this time of communcal gatherings.


09 November 2008

and the readers say what?

Your current interest decides that things aren't working out because you decide not to rearrange your previously made plans because s/he has decided at the last moment that they're going to visit. You're gobsmacked momentarily at their lack of consideration, insensitivity, and unforgiving attitude because you're sticking to your guns and not allowing yourself to be manipulated and guilted.

You do the mature thing and try to reason with him/her and have them understand that it's not that you don't want to see them, but they've not considered that you in fact have a life that does not solely revolve around them. Shortly thereafter, they refuse to accept your calls and you say, the hell with it and go on with your night.

The next day, you receive no calls and you make no calls deciding that you're not going to give in to the selfish and errant whim of his/her attitude. Now, I need to add that this isn't the first time s/he has treated you like this. In the past, plans were made and not honored, you've been treated as the option not the priority, and you've accepted what minimal time they gave you instead of none at all. Your feelings were minimally considered throughout the treatment you were given and yet you decided; though skeptically taht things might change.

Another day passes and contact is made. S/he is still blaming you for the inicident and you're like "seriously?" You engage counsel of a trusted friend who might be able to provide some insight you can use to resolve the tension. You become the bigger person and try to resolve the situation and move on. You're met with a demeaning and dismissive attitude and you're now acutely aware that s/he's playing the victim. The call is ended on them saying they'll call you back and you go on with your day; business as usual. The next day, you receive a call from them asking why they haven't heard from you and you're like "WTF?", but don't really say it out loud. You try to engage in conversation and find it's yeilding nothing good and you find a way to opt out.

Yet another day passes, and s/he calls you essentially blaming you for all the bullcrap that's going on in his/her life and how they're the victim of their own lack of direction, effectiveness, and action, but of course they never admit that. Instead that try to berate and demean you into submission. Knowing that they're full of crap and trying their damndest to defer, you stand your ground and speak your mind in no uncertain terms. When s/he realizes that they don't have you where they want to, they end the call. You laugh and go on with your evening.

Because you're the bigger person, you call the next day and say, "you calm now?" They say, "I'm always calm" and you say, "okay, then cool and pretty much end the conversation before it can go anywhere. A day passes and no contact is made from either party. Then today rolls around and they call you being all "normal". You chuckle to yourself and engage the conversation (such that it is) and put no real energy into him/her.

Now readers, if this had happened to you, what would you do? I'm curious to see how people respond to negative behaviour and treatment in a day and age when we should be so beyond the sophmoric attitudes that so-called adults are still displaying.

As for me, I'm simply amused and no longer really affected.

Cast your vote...


05 November 2008

Awed, humbled, and thankful

Words are something I'm usually not at odds with, but I truly am on the verge of being speechless in regard to our President-elect Barack Obama. Not only am I happy to have been a part of this electoral process, but having lil lady txt me her vote because she couldn't do it herself, showed me that she's actively participating in what will be her future.

I think about my Godchildren and how their future has more promise than ever before and when they're told that they can be anything they put their hearts and minds to, I know it's not said with a bitter pill on my tongue.

I'm not simply awed and humbled by Barack Obama, but by his wife, Michelle. Her unwavering poise, grace, support, and love for her husband eminated each and every time she was interviewed or gave speech. She truly is That Woman! Their children are beautiful and I'm sure grounded and focused on being more than historical pawns; though they're still a bit young to fully understand and appreciate what's happening. I feel confident saying that their parents will continue to center themselves on them and provide the foundation of family for them; one in which I pray we will strive to aspire to.

I received this picture and tears came to my eyes as I saw the warmth and love radiate amongst them.

God bless this family, their future, and all the lives they've touched and will touch.

15 October 2008

still alive

Hiya folks! Sorry I've been incognegro, but they're working me like a field negro on a hot summer's day. I'm hanging in there though.

My breast cancer walk is this Sunday and I was supposed to do a post about it to see if anyone wanted to donate. Please let me know as it's not too late to made a donation.

I hope to slow down enough to catch up on the blog happs and catch you up with some of the things occurring in the land of "iS iT jUsT mE?"


02 October 2008

me, being honest

Thanks to this mo-freaker Terry i got tasked to do a blog tell all and i really don't wanna, but cause this mo-freaker is a good friend and mentor, i figured it's the least i can do. It's the Honest Weblog. I don't have the icon, but who needs the icon, when you're business is on blast anyway?!

Here's how it goes, or so they say it goes...

The rules that accompany it are as follows:

# When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back.

# Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.

# Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘Honest Weblog’.

# Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize (optional).

# List [if you can and or dare] at least ten honest things about yourself.

# And then, pass it on.

Aiight, here's to me putting myself (actually it's Terry's fault) on Front Street...

1...I have an uncanny sexual stamina

2...I stole from a collection plate as a child

3...I've wished someone dead, and meant it with no regret,

4...When I was in Basic Training I began a relationship with a Drill Sergeant that lasted through Military Occupational School (MOS) right through my returning home 6 months later where it continued. Anyone who knows anything about the military; knows this is illegal by military court (UCMJ).

5...I've been propositioned for partner swapping...I turned it down. (eww)

6...I love too hard for my own good.

7...There's only been one man that I've given my entire self to; heart, soul, love...he wasn't my ex-husband

8...Although I'm a good mom, aunt, and godmother; kids where never an option i considered.

9...Even though I probably still have it like that; there is NOT ONE ex that I'd want to sleep with again.

10...I truly hate memes and posts such as these and I'm admitting that publically. No offense to those who've tagged me.

Mr. Slish

Now get ta tellin!


30 September 2008

with gratitude

I didn't write this, but can certainly identify with it and I wanted to share it with you.

With gratitude for the gift of strength, I am strong in all circumstances.

With gratitude for the gift of discernment, I have the wisdom and insight to move in the direction that is right for me.

With gratitude for the gift of love, I radiate love to others.

With gratitude for the gift of power, I can achieve my goals.

With gratitude for the gift of imagination, I am receptive to creative ideas that I use to contribute to the bounty and beauty of the world.

With gratitude for the gift of understanding, I deepen my awareness of the goodness of God.

With gratitude for the gift of will, I am steady and sure on my spiritual path.

With gratitude for the gift of order, I trust in the divine plan of good for my life.

With gratitude for the gift of zeal, I have energy and enthusiasm to do all that is mine to do.

With gratitude for the gift of elimination, I release any negative thought and open the way to a new send of well-being.

With gratitude for the gift of life, I am continuously renewed in body, mind, and spirit.
I live each day in freedom, peace, and joy.


25 September 2008

happy thoughts of the week

this is a list of the things that made me smile this week...

knowing that God did not bring me this far to leave me now

knowing that when the world goes out, God and His word will always be there

being surprised

lil lady had a sub for one of her classes and the sub said they could do what she wanted and she decided to txt me *huge smile*

lil lady's boyfriend txts me to say thank you and that he loves me

feeling like a little girl in his big, strong arms

an email from jus.b.fli to say, "I Love You"

an email from believer1964 to ask me if i'd like to do a guest post on her blog

a voicemail from The Man saying, "hi sweetie pie"

a call from The Man where i realized it was him after i answered and before he spoke, and greeted him with a cheery, "hi honey"

another call at work from The Man where he paused after i said, "hi, this is Blu" and made sure he made enough noise for me to realize it was him so i could say, "hi honey"

graduating from doing 30 pushups a day to now being able to do 40

successfully losing almost 12lbs

the shock and awe on someone's face when they realized i was not 29, but 41

lunch with a dear friend who saw me through my tears and encouraged me

a call from the same dear friend who called me to tell me that God will handle it all for me

my pending "girls day" with my 63 year old friend Robin; she's so crazy

realizing how strong he is

IPRs (Involuntary Physical Responses) *giggle*

that certain feeling right there *devilish giggle*

going to my support group and know that it's okay for me to "act out"

the random and crazy txts from The Mayor (moniker for cuz's bf)

the txt from my cuz (The Mayor's girl) telling me not to worry about what they're doing after i received the crazy txt from her man

looking in my freezer at all the food my mum cooked for me while she was in NJ last week

knowing that mum has my back

fussing at doing lil lady's laundry, but doing it anyway

finding a way to make a $1 out of 15 cents

knowing that somehow; in some way i'm making a difference to someone

the great posts i've read from my blogger family

knowing and believing that everything will be okay


24 September 2008

WoRdLeSs WeDnEsDaY


22 September 2008

Arms of Love

I had no idea what I wanted to blog about today until I read my Daily Bread and today’s reading said, Arms of Love and this was the corresponding scripture; Let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. —1 John 3:18

It made me reflect on how I recently felt about someone and how he completely shat on my feelings and to date has given no explanation for his treatment and actions. Refer to What Freedom Feels Like for backstory.

I recall the many times I used to say to him that the word and deed go hand in hand or that words without action are just words. Naturally, he argued thinking that because it was said, so it shall be; I remained firm, and now I’m simply withdrawn.

I’m the kind of woman who loves hard. I don’t invest casually into any man and I refuse to allow myself to be caught up by the pretty words because they sound sweet and nice. Just because the melody is good; doesn't mean I'm going to like the song. I know through experience that words hurt too and can be equally damaging as physical pain. In the case of he whom I’ll here on out refer to as, Mr. Ublewit, he can’t say he wasn’t warned. He knew from the very beginning what kind of woman I was, what I was about, and what I could and would tolerate. The lack of communication, mutual respect, and reciprocity in word/deed are deal breakers for me. For over a year, I wrestled with my feelings and just when I finally came to that place of letting go; he let me down. He disappeared for slightly over a month and then returned as if what he did was the most normal thing for him to do.

Although, I never fell completely in love with him, I felt a love for him; one which was expressed in both word and deed. It was something that took a lot for me to finally accept and acknowledge and something that in spite of myself I shared with him. I again, reflect on the scripture and realize that the Word is so powerful and so true. As much as I was angered, hurt, and disappointed by what Mr. Ublewit did, I realize, I lived the scripture and won’t fault myself for how/what I felt because at least I know I’m capable for feeling and loving. Mr. Ublewit has yet to recognize and realize that love is not some four-letter word you can toss around profanely and think it’s going to have worth or merit; especially when it’s not performed in deed or truth. The sum of who I see him as now is reduced to him being a bullshitter and unfortunately, not a very good one because his ego seems to precede his sensibility at this point.

I’ve since moved on from Mr. Ublewit and am seeing someone who expresses himself in word and deed. No, it’s not all perfect and I don’t expect it to be, but at least I know that he’s willing to put forth the effort to appreciate the love; at whatever stage and not take it for granted. He shows his affection and invests in me accordingly; from noticing that he hasn’t heard from me and calls me at work and leaves a voice message; to then follow up by calling me on my cell or at home. He’s made me think he’s not coming to see me and then show up at my front door. He’ll buy my favorite drink (D&G Ginger Beer…a Jamaican soda) and/or snack (bun & cheese; another Jamaican thing), which shows he pays attention to my likes and wants. He doesn’t have to say “I love you” to show me that has love for me; it’s the little things that carry enormous weight. In addition, he’s acting in deed and truth. I give him in both word and deed my affections and intentions so he never has to doubt me in anyway. I allow myself to be a little vulnerable at times and let him nuture the little girl inside of me who simply wants to be loved. I seek the little boy in him that wants the same...it's love in deed and truth; no pretense; not half-stepping and no bullshit.

I apply this same love to those I care about. My friends and family know that they can and will get a random txt, card, or call from me that simply says, “I love you”, “I’m thinking about you”, or whatever sentiment deemed appropriate at the time. Love is something that can and should be manifested in all we do all the time. More effort needs to be placed in loving each other as humans and not pets or material things. Now, don’t get me wrong, loving animals is a wonderful thing, but we all know that some people take it a little too far. *lol*.

I digress…Love is something we all need and we all need to share in order to receive. Love is not something to be squandered, ill-applied for personal gain, or to be used as a tool/weapon. Love is something we all want and desire and we must plant the seed in order to reap the reward of it. The scripture says it all. Reflect on it and utilize it to its fullest.

When you see someone in need,
Love demands a loving deed;
Don’t just say you love him true,
Prove it by the deeds you do
. —Sper


17 September 2008

the view!

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, ‘Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you’.

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy. Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present.

The irony of this post, is that I’m not in a happy place right now. My first cousin (in Jamaica) got washed away in hurricane Gustav and has been declared dead, though his body hasn’t been found yet. A very close family friend died and was cremated on my birthday. Another first cousin’s husband was killed in a car accident. My granny had a mini stroke and was hospitalized. My male BFF’s father just passed away after a long illness. And my dude gave me a ration of drama over semantics. So, needless to say, the sparkle in the jewel is a little dim right now. In fact, to sum up my emotions, I’m feeling rather pissed off, tearful, lost, hurt, offended, and even a little angry, but I do know that it’s a passing phase. I will not allow myself to wallow or have a pity party. I know this all shall pass and life continues in spite of. I also know life is too short to watch it pass me by. I have life and I plan to live it and live it well. I know the Lord didn’t bring me this far to leave me, so like the blind man who saw the beauty in the world, I, too, shall seek and find all the joy, beauty, and happiness that exists around me and appreciate it all.

Excerpt from It's Gonna Rain by Kelly Price...
Count it on joy (Oh...yeah)
Mornin' will come (After the rain)
The sun will shine (So keep your head up)
Keep your head high ('cause God will take care of you)

It will rain (Oh, yes, He will)
There'll be pain (Some times there will be pain)
Trouble will come (Oh...whoa...ho...)
Understand (Count it on joy)

And today, I shall count it all joy!


12 September 2008


Well, it's official...I'm 41 years young! (Sept 13th is my born day) I consider my birthday a new year, but I couldn't find a Happy New Year pic, so I decided on this one.



11 September 2008

Why love?

This piece found its way into my mind this morning...

Why am I so full of you
But you’re elusive to me
I use you in all I do for others
Yet the reciprocation vacates
Why do I believe in something
I can not see, but feel so deeply
Are you likened to the faith
I hold so near and dear
That keeps me going in spite of
Love, why do you treat me so
Filling me with hope and promise
Then leaving me with sadness and emptiness
I love not for loves sake
But for the fulfillment of a natural need
To give that which I feel for he
Who’ll become the counterpart of me
Why love are you mirage of my hearts desire?

© BluJewel 2008

World Day of Prayer

Today is the World Day of Prayer and I wanted to share the Daily Word with you all. I pray that each and everyone of you that reads my blog will be blessed, fulfilled, have prayers answered, and that love and happiness will find it's way into your lives. Each of us has a testament to the wonderful things God has done in our lives and on this day, I ask each of you to give way to praying for someone other than ourselves. I further ask each of you to be a part of a positive and progressive movement to work toward peace and harmony in all you do and those you interact with.

"Now everybody that loves God, give him thanks, give him glory, give him praise
He deserves it, he's worthy,
That's the least we can do for all of the wonderful things that he's done for us
Come on and help us praise him,
" The Least I Can Do - Smokie Norful

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Rejoicing in our oneness with God and one another, we celebrate healing in every aspect of our lives and in the world.

Today we celebrate our oneness with God and with one another. Letting our understanding of this oneness deepen, we open ourselves more fully to God's presence.
In anticipation of new expressions of healing, prosperity, compassion, and freedom in our lives and in the lives of people worldwide, we give thanks to our Creator.

With each prayer we pray, each feeling of gratitude to God, we open the way to bountiful blessings. Let us rejoice in our oneness and celebrate the healing that is taking place. Let us carry this spirit of celebration in our hearts from this day forward.

"But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, so that those who love your name may exult in you."--Psalm 5:11

09 September 2008

content of character

"A good test of a person’s character is his behavior when he is wrong."

When I read this quote, I recalled a recent incident where someone was caught in a situation and did everything in his power to play the victim. Even when confronted with the facts and how he blew things out of proportion, he still tried to play the victim and not admit to his own fault/actions in what took place and move to correct his behavior. It took a lot of gumption on the parts of the other parties involved to not back down and make said person account for what he did and make the necessary concessions and apologies.

To that end, I take a lot of pride in trying to make good when I've done something wrong. I get the most awful feeling inside of me that does not rest until I can and have found a way to fix things.

I think it's extremely important for people to take the necessary provisions to correct their wrongdoings and rest on their integrity and moral fiber. While it's not always easy to admit fault, it's still a well-noted and received quality. When one is willing to admit s/he is wrong, the wrongdoing isn't always thrown back at them, but instead the fact of being of good character is always mentioned and remembered.

I recall an incident with Lil Lady and she hurt and disappointed me enormously, but she went to great lengths to remedy the situation that all I could do was praise her and her improvements. Being a part of the solution is far better than being a part of the situation.

The more I live life, the more I see how much integrity, moral fiber, and content of character is so important. With the installation of these traits, we're able to become raise better children, handle various situations, and most importantly be seen as upstanding people. No one wants to be branded a liar or untrustworthy, but so many are willing to receive that than stand up and do the hard thing, which has more value. Doing the right thing may be hard, but it carries the most weight and is more favorable in the long run.

As I look at the current political arena, I've become more aware of how important it is to stand firm on your convictions is they're true than to appease the masses or lie your way out of a situation. It's my humble opinion that if you're really 'bout it; bout it, you don't need to sling mud at another to make your point because your actions will speak for you and your moral fiber remains in tact. Jamaican's have an expression, "the higher the monkey climbs, the more he exposes". I think it's all time we stop climbing trees and remain on firm ground.

Well class is now over kiddies. I hope the opening quote will be of use out there in classroom of life and help you to be of good character.


05 September 2008

i dont even know what to call this ish!

the following is a list of memorable things that happened this week; good and bad in no particular order...

i got a txt from dude i blogged about in What Freedom Feels Like on Thursday saying, "how r u? i hope ur having a good day" @4:19pm...it's now Friday @ 7:12pm and i still haven't responded...let freedom ring! *giggle*

i was having an emotional meltdown and reached out to my cousin and my male bestie of 25yrs and they both talked me off the ledge in their respective ways.

said male bestie was so amazing in his support and follow up that he moved me to tears.

i actually took some time out for myself by ignoring calls, sleeping in, and leaving work early.

i like my current interest more than i probably should and it's driving me crazy.

if my mood swings don't calm down, i'm seriously thinking of seeing my dr about getting on something

i have rope burn for how tight i'm holding onto the knot in the rope

love is an elusive and deceptive emotion

i've never felt more emotionally drained than i do right now

if saying, "eff it all!" was an option, i think i'd take it

reggae is some good ass music

no one believes i'm almost 41; i've been hearing i look 26 for the past couple weeks

i finally lost almost 10lbs without even really trying, but when i try, it never happens

i finally got my cover up tattoo and i love it...pix forthcoming

reality sucks; fantasy never disappoints

potential is only good when it reaches manifestation; why can't folk just wo/man up?

i need to start going back to the firing range

why can't i have things MY way just ONCE?

after the week i've had, i can kinda understand why people drink to excess to escape

i've seen emotional fraud manifest itself and let me tell you, it's a fuggin horrible thing for the one who was deceived

eff it! i'm out...


03 September 2008

all the hoopla!

Okay, so I'm sure many of you have heard about the transexual who's competing on America's Next Top Model. If you haven't, check out the story Top Model Twist.

So, let me just come out and ask the question, do you have a problem with people who aren't of the same sexual orientation or gender identity as you? Please think before answering and most importantly be honest. That being said, let me continue...

I have never had an issue with people of other races, genders, sexual orientation/preference/or identity. Why? Because I never had a reason to. As far as I'm concerned, we're all our respective people; good and bad, so we must live and let live. My liberal viewpoint stems from where and how I was raised and it has been with me ever since.

Growing up in London, I truly felt like I was in a melting pot. I had friends of all races and we shared our cultures with each other. I knew of gays/lesbians and while I didn't understand the true dynamic of it, I wasn't offended by them. I did know a drag queen by way of a friend and I was rather fascinated by how well he looked as a woman. It wasn't until I moved to the U.S that I started to see and understand the full spectrum of sexual orientation in its many forms.

I became aware of how people were negatively treated and affected by their sexuality and made to feel ashamed of who they were. While there are those who I feel have 'chosen' to be gay (male or female), I truly believe that most gays were born that way. I doubt highly they woke up one morning and said, "chile, i think imma start sexin men cause it's good look". Face it, it's like a white person waking up and deciding to be black. Why would they put themselves through that level of persecution and torment? They wouldn't.

Anyhoo, I digress...I happen to have an extremely close and dear friend who is a male-to-female transsexual. She's one of the most admirable people I know because she chose to be true to herself and be the person she always felt she was. Ironically, my friend was once married; in the military (a pilot to boot); and has a child, but still always knew that something wasn't right within herself. Naturally, we had a lengthy discussion about hiding her true sexual feelings and identity and she told me that society refuses to accept that there are deviations in ones DNA or predispostion to all things sexual. She grew up in the mid 30's so coming out was very difficult much less telling your family that you'd rather be the opposing gender. Fortunately, my friend had a supportive wife while he was married who afforded a divorce and allowed my friend to pursue her life as a woman; they remain very good friends to this day and their daughter is well adjusted, very smart, and currently pursuing her Ph.D.

I've said all this to say, that yes, for the most part we all digress to The Bible for guidance and in many ways to demean and offend those who don't quite fit in to mainstream society. I think we should in many ways leave religion and/or religious doctrines out of this discussion. I truly do think that sexual orientation/identity is something that we're born with and for many it's something that is not like the majority. I know I'm going to probably raise all kind of moral backlash for my thoughts, but ask me if I care; this is MY house and I can say what I want and think.

Again, I digress...I have friends of all races, religions, and sexual preference and I accept them for whom they are. I do not think disallowing a transsexual or transgendered person to participate in a contest is fair. We need to see beyond what's considered socially acceptable and simply learn tolerance. No, you don't have to like it, but you should at least accept and respect the person. Ms. James who sits two offices from yours could be a call girl by night even though she rocks her Jones New York to the office by day. Mr. Smith could be wearing women's underwear to work under his Brooks Brother's suit. My point is that we don't know what the inner workings of anyone's psyche is and we can't jump on our moral pedastals because someone doesn't prescribe to the same makeup as us.

Not one of us is perfect or exempt from saying anything, doing anything, or dressing in a way that deviates from what's considered acceptable. We've got men screwing men on the down low, priests molesting little boys, pedophiles in the neighborhood and we're worring about a transsexual; gimme a gotdamn break. I've got tattooes, had a child out of wedlock, am black, have dated out of my race, yada, yada; so does that make me disposable because I've allegedly violated some societal rule? I think not, so I think it's enough with the trash talk over a transsexual potential model. There was an openly lesbian model competing some time ago and I don't think it raised too much hoopla, so neither should this. Personally, I think the haters are just mad cause she actually is rather attractive. I also think the men are mad cause they might find themselves caught out there is they ran up on her.

Okay, I'm done people!


28 August 2008

In taking my daily rest in the Cheap Seats and something stood out in one this post Vaginal Conversation that I can’t seem to shake.

Terry, the ever vocal, trash-talking; scotch drinking; cigar smoking, fat, white guy (his words not mine) said this, “…p*ssy isn’t the goal; it’s a gift” and I’ve been gobsmacked ever since.

The more I think about it; the more I agree with it. I think we focus too much on what’s so readily available and easy to get than working toward earning it. It’s treated with such little regard by men and women that it’s any wonder there is such little moral value in our society. No, I’m not getting onto a moral pedestal, but what I am doing is speaking to something that so few are really paying attention to.

Here’s a scenario…man meets woman…they hit it off…they talk a bit…go out…sleep together…suddenly realize they’ve really got nothing in common or really don’t like each other after all…relationship ends…or they decide the sex is good and continue to see each other in spite of the other things not being in place.

This pattern is a trend for many people and one that leads to so many of the jacked relationships we hear about.

My humble opinion says, why not fight the urge for sudden instant physical gratification and see if the person is really worth giving so much of yourself to? Trust and believe I know it’s hard, but it’s a far cry better than doing something of minimal value and not having anything of merit to show for it than waiting. It’s sad that people are more willing to shed their clothes than to share their true selves.

I’ve often wondered what really goes on in the minds of those who have more notches than they can even recall. I wonder if they regret any of the meaningless sexual encounters they’ve had or regret giving so freely of themselves to still end up alone? This inquiring mind truly does want to know. Quantity in this instance does not and should not equate to quality or substance.

I recently thought about lil lady and her boyfriend of two years and how they’ve talked about being together for life and I recall being a bit troubled by it. Now, that I’ve given it some more thought, the idea doesn’t bother me so much because at least I know they truly love and care for each enough to wait and be sure of their actions. If teens can get it, how come we can’t/won’t. They may very well change their minds and end up with others, but the fact still remains that they love/care enough about each to do what’s in their best overall interest.

Blog fam, we’re already a community broken and this behavior trend plays a key role in why. Yes, I realize other races probably have this issue to, but I’m speaking on my community. With the HIV rate skyrocketing, it’s one more reason to slow your roll.

“Sometimes doing the hard thing, is doing the right thing”. I’ve heard this quote said a couple of ways and this is my best recollection of it and it speaks volumes in so many ways.

Goal or gift; what's you’re say?


27 August 2008

Mind dumping #2

I tell people, “I make crazy look sane” all the time. Said it recently, and the person was a little shook.

Why is it when you tell people you don’t do the bullshit and drama, it’s those very same people who bring it to you?

Words without action are just words.

Do things that make people not notice you for just your skin color.

If you haven’t done it already, call, txt, or write someone and let them know you love them or how much they mean to you.

Make sure you take care of your health and get your checkups/blood tests done. It’s better to know than not know. (Take that from a 1 year breast cancer survivor)

Clean out your closets emotionally, no good will come of any future relationship if you don’t.

Speak up, speak out, and stand for something.

Sometimes you can judge a book by its cover; people tend to show you who they are without ever opening up.

Actions speak loud as hell.

Never invest where there is no yield on your deposit; meaning stop being in or pursuing relationships with no progression.

Stop competing with the short bus and losing.

If you’re honest you never have to worry about anything you’ve said/done.

There is NO such thing as p*ssy or d*ck THAT good to make you act the damn fool over.

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is; honor your intuition.

If you’re grown and sexy; then act accordingly; nothing’s worse than grown folk acting a damn monkey and looking a triple hot mess.

Please, please, please STOP saying the following: irregardless, conversate, and putting ‘ted’ on the end of words that do not require it…lookted is NOT a word!

Make informed decisions and stop jumping on bandwagons.

26 August 2008

what freedom feels like...

Have you ever been in a situation where some had truly done you wrong and instead of getting pissed at them, you got mad in private? I’m sure you have and I have too and if I must say so myself, I handled it like a champ.

Last year, I met someone and was reluctant to form anything more than a friendship with him. Over time, I got to know him and enjoyed talking and hanging out with him. I was still uncertain of how I felt emotionally because there was a huge geographical distance between us and I didn’t want to over invest. The latter end of last year, I spent some time with him and things seemed to take a progressive turn. He began to talk of relocating and the possibility of a future with me. I still reserved my feelings; although it become obvious to me that I liked him more than I was willing to admit.

Fast forward to earlier this year and we spent a really good week together and I finally admitted that I felt I was developing strong feelings and began to entertain his talk of relocating. Things remained cool until he up and disappeared. Yes, just bounced; no call; no txt; just gone. At first, I didn’t call, but then got pissed and called a few times, but never left a message (I’m not a big message leaver). Days turned into weeks and still no hear from, so I was like, it’s time for me to fall back. I checked with fam and they said, he was okay but out of town. So, I’m like, aiight, I see how you’re living and reminded myself of what I’d told him, “what you won’t do, another man will”. In other words, I packed up my little hurt feelings and said the hell witchya.

Last week; Wednesday to be exact, I get a txt saying, “I’m back now. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Well, tomorrow still hasn’t arrived because he hasn’t called. So, being the big girl that I am and knowing that I’m not going to carry the annoyance any further, I called him. He was very casual and nonchalant about his disappearance and lack of communication. He even teased that he knew I was cussing him out. When I remained calm and on subject he asked if I was going to cuss him out and I said no. He gave me a half-assed apology and said he hoped I’d accept it. He made mention of my birthday being next month and I told him, had he waited until then to call me, I would have truly been pissed cause his call would mess it up not enhance it. I went on to tell him that what he did said a lot about him and left it at that. And as luck would have it, his cell crapped out and I never called back.

What freedom feels like is that I moved on without the drama and theatrics. Cussing him out wouldn’t have made me feel better because that’s what he was expecting. It felt good to simply accept that his behavior is not something I can accept or tolerate and I know exactly what category to put him in. I’m glad that I didn’t invest my feelings too deeply and won’t feel the pain of letting go. Yea, it saddens me, but as I said earlier, “what he won’t do, another man will”, in fact another already has. YAY me! *lol*


21 August 2008

pic tales

Trifecta... You can't catch a Jamaican woman!

Flag to be proud of!

Damn; just damn! How fly is that?!

Becks...nuff said!

How I get through the days; especially after viewing the next pic...

Oh the thoughts this pic conjures...TFTTB!

Black love never looked so good.

The Adinkra symbol for "I Shall Marry You" when I'm blessed to be married again, I'm having this inked on my ring finger.

Me all glammed up...Karrie.b would be proud!

Posted by Picasa

20 August 2008

Jamaica is running things...LITERALLY!!!

Okay, I don't usually get all bragadocious, but I can't help it with the way the Jamaican runners have been killing it. I always route for Jamaica in the Olympics and this year was no exception and boy have I ever been proud of my island and it's atheletes.

I'm sure you already know that Usain Bolt has been and continued to do the damn thing and his latest run was absolutely amazing.

Love to the following (that I can immediately name in my elation):
Shelly-Ann Fraser
Kerron Stewart
Melanie Walker
Sherone Simpson
Veronica Campbell-Brown
Vonnette Dixon
Nickeisha Anderson
Aasafa Powell
Marvin Williams

Bigs up to di Jamaica massive everywhere in de worl an aal me yard people dem on di island an nuff luv an rispek to di Jamaican Track/Field athelets. Lawd me know seh dem a party hard an a big it up down a yard.


Top 10 List #4

This one is centered around dating and the potential of new relationships. Since the Blu in my Jewel is shining pretty bright these days, I'm venturing into "getting my groove back" territory and it's both exciting and scary. Here are my thoughts on my current interest...

The excitement and newness

The schoolgirl butterflies

The knowing who I am confidence

Knowing censorship is unnecessary and open/honest dialog is important

Feeling secure knowing I’m not a bag lady and will only bring me into the potential of a new relationship

The cultural familiarity and ease

The imagery of what he's doing/how he looks

The “what are you wearing?” and the “where you thinking about me?” questions

The “when will I see you again?” thought

Waiting and not rushing; knowing a moral compass isn’t a bad thing

The distance even though it’s only a 2+ hour drive

Feeling like I’ve been out of the game for too long

Wondering if he’s truly able to deal with and accept a woman like me

The thoughts that stir in the recesses of my mind

Some of the distracted/empty phone calls

The Unknowns vs. The Doubts vs. The Potential

The sexual tension

Thinking he’s just after the sex

That we have conflicting sexual likes/dislikes

He’s got one hella potty mouth

19 August 2008

Open Letter #3 (To My BrOtHeRs)

Dear you!

How can you not see that you’re deserving and worthy of so much more than you’re allowing yourself to settle for? Why can’t you see that you’re only negatively impacting your life by failing to man up and move into the future? No woman in her right mind is going to accept a man who she feels is incapable of making the hard decisions. You say you want a woman who’s strong, assertive, independent, and knows how to treat a man, but you’ve constantly settled for women who are anything but that. Man, read this and realize that a woman is more than the sum of her parts and when you see beyond the easy access, you’ll see that you’ll gain a queen and not the harlot in queens clothing. You’ve made plenty of life altering decisions without adequately assessing the magnitude of what you’ve done and continue to make excuses for both yours and their decisions/behavior.

You’re a hard working man who’ll do what needs to be done to ensure your business remains afloat, that bills and workers get paid, and that your children are provided for, but you deny yourself the basic elements of happiness. WTH? I recognize that at times we all have to do things we don’t necessarily want to do, but when you know what you’re doing is flat out wrong, then why continue to do it? Your friends and maybe even some family members have told you to fix your situation, but you don’t. You meet women of substance that can enhance; not inhibit your life, but again, you ignore the dollars and take the pennies.

I’ve listened to you talk the talk, but not walk the walk and it makes me sad. It makes me wonder why the less than woman gets the all that man. Now, I’m not saying you’re all that in all ways, but in many of the areas that it counts, you have it going on; yet it’s being wasted. You’re like the pretty vessel that leaks. Meaning that you’re all that on the outside, but inside there’s a hole and all that is of potential doesn’t get seen because you’re too afraid to fix what’s broken.

Your situation is an instance of making excuses and settling so you can’t come at a real woman who’s seeking a real man with that mess. She’s going to call you out for your inefficiencies; not to demean or emasculate you, but to point out what you’re doing wrong in an effect to help you do right. Yes, that’s what real women do. She’ll raise up a man and walk with him in an effort to bring out his greatness and worth. I hear you say, you understand and recognize that, but your actions dictate otherwise.

Take some advice from a woman who knows, recognizes, and appreciates her brothers that you can not and will not gain when you’re not willing to lose. You know the addage, "stand for something or fall for anything"; right now that you. When I look at you, I see so much potential and hope, but it's compromised and begins to look real unfamiliar when you're shroud is sullied by your own lack of will for betterment. In your situation, you’re really not losing that much in the grand scheme of things; but you’ll instead gain the wealth and worth of a woman who’ll love you, respect you, and cherish you. She’ll compliment you as your equal, she’ll support you, and she’ll cherish you for being her king. Take this open letter as your much needed learning lesson and know that you were created by Greatness to be greatness and any woman who tells you otherwise does not know her God, herself, or the worth of a man.


18 August 2008

magical words

As I contemplated what I wanted to post today, I came across the following and realized that's all that needed to be said:

'I asked God, 'How do I get the best out of life?' God said, 'Face your past without regrets. Handle your present with confidence. And prepare for the future without fear!''


13 August 2008

survey says???

I’ve polled a few women lately and asked their opinion on women who call the woman their man is either cheating with or has left her for. The general consensus on the women polled is that the woman has no right to call the other woman. If her man is cheating, then she needs to take that up with him because unless the other woman is openly disrespecting her (calling the house, doing drive-bys, or other ignorant acts), then the issue is between the man and woman. I’m not saying the side piece isn’t being disrespectful by cheating with a man knowing he has a woman, but I’m sure you know what I’m saying here.

Now, the other issue is the woman who is no longer in a relationship calling his current interest and putting his/their business out there. I’m really confused as to why women are doing this. I’ve been cheated on and/or left for another and my issue was never to confront the other woman. To me that would make me look really immature, insecure, and certainly hella crazy. And add the fact that no dack (intentionally spelled) is worth me playing myself out over; not even if he was my husband, fiancĂ©e, or baby-daddy. No siree bob! My beef at whatever level is between him and me not she and I, so I’m trying to understand where this behavior stems from.

A friend recently encountered a situation like this and the best I could tell her was not to talk to chic because if she took the time to put all her business on blast knowing they’re not technically in a relationship, what does she have to gain? I added that chic probably wants him back and is trying to blow my girls spot up hoping she’ll stop talking to him. Whatever her reason is, she’s actually playing with fire by calling a woman she doesn’t know because she has no idea how the other woman will react.

Fam, can you help me out here? Is it just me or is something terribly wrong with this kind of behavior?


12 August 2008

what i've learned so far

This post was "stolen" from jus.b.fli who's been known to "lift" a few ideas and such from me. *smile*

In recent weeks, I've been doing some soul-searching, pruning, and the like as I near my new year. I needed to see where I've been and where I'm heading and in order to do that I had to look as some lessons learned and I thought I'd share some of them with you. You know I'm one for encouraging and inspiring people to be the best they can be and sometimes in order to do that, we must show ourselves as the catalyst; so here goes...

i've learned...
my happiness is exactly that; mine. i can not allow others to define my happiness and what i should be happy about. i'm the only me and no one knows me better than me. what makes me happy is what makes ME happy.

i've learned...
that how you feel about someone isn't necessarily how they feel about you. their actions are indicative of where you stand and how you rate in their lives. i can't feel bad for their inability to adequately be what i'd like them to be. i have to accept them for who they are and decide what position they'll be allowed to have in my life.

i've learned...
that my moral compass must lead north at all times. taking the southern route to get to know someone is an ineffective way of going through the "getting to know you process". as hard and tempting as it may be, i know i have to remain loyal and true to myself and what i hold valuable.

i've learned...
that family is one of the most valuable things in life. i've been estranged from mine for a long time by no fault of my own and experienced a great loss and sadness in my life. i've been blessed to have been reunited with my family and i celebrate and nurture the relationships. i also know that family isn't just through blood and i thank those who have become and been family for me over the years.

i've learned...
without my faith i would be absolutely a mess! in spite of the choas and some of the dumb things that i've done, i've never forgotten that the Divine is there for me. i know that i can call on Him day or night to listen, to heal, to love, and to support me. i know that without my spiritual growth that i would be so lost. no matter what, i will always remain faithful and put my trust in Him.

i've learned...
that making a bad choice/decision doesn't make me a bad person. i know that i'm not perfect and i can/will make mistakes but i can't allow myself to be held hostage by what i've done. it's how i try to rectify the problem that counts. owning up to my shortfalls means a lot to me and i will strive to be the best person i can be.

i've learned...
that i love hard and play for keeps. i won't compromise on how i love someone, so i know i won't settle for anything less than what i deserve in a relationship. i'd truly rather be single and happy (and even horny...lol) than involved and unhappy with myself and/or him just to say i'm with someone.

i've learned...
from experience that life truly is short and we must and i repeat must LIVE it. we can't live to work, but instead work to live. i plan to make the dash between my sunrise and sunset count.

i've learned...
after reading Miz's post Stepping out of DARKNESS...Stepping into GREATNESS! That i truly am ready. i know it's my time to shine and that i must not quit and make sure that my dream becomes my reality. i've worked hard to nurture my talents and abilities and it's time to shine.

i've learned...
frienships need work and even if it falls apart i must do what it takes to rebuild it if it can be rebuilt. i must do my part to nuture and make it grow. friendships are God's gift to us in order for us not to be lonely.

i've learend...
a man will treat you as you allow him to. i've been the rounds with one or two that i thought would be worth the effort i put in, but i realized that he wasn't able to appreciate the woman i was so i had to let him go. i wasn't going to allow him to be a revolving door in my life by letting him go and come as he pleased while i remained in position.

i've learned...
that there is a thin line between love and hate and i have to know which side of the emotion i'm on. i learned that while i loved the man, i hated his actions, his inabilities, his shortcomings and i shouldn't allow the negative to outweigh the blessing of love i had with him.

i've learned...
letting go is sometimes the best course of action as it will allow room for what i need in my life and not what i think i want. letting go means taking a leap of faith and allowing myself the opportunity to spread my wings and fly.

i've learned...
each day is a gift. i must embrace it, love it, hold it near, and never think for one second that it isn't something worth living. suicide in any form is never an option.

i've learned...
the simple pleasures are and will always be the best.

i've learned...
being whole is one of the best feelings in the world. yes, it makes me feel plenty vulnerable at times, but at least i know where my emotions/actions come from. being a fractured person is not a good thing as it allows too much negativity to ease in through the cracks in my being.

i've learned...
that learning is an incredible and invaluable experience.


07 August 2008

dropping some Jewel dust on you

I was speaking with an old friend who is an Major in the Army and one who has worked hard to achieve his rank and status. He was picking my brain over an issue he was having with a fellow Major and in the midst of the conversation I told him that as long as he knows what he's doing is right and that he's confident in his work and actions, then he has nothing to worry about. In addition, I stated the following:

"A man shows himself in action; not word, knowing that it's what he leaves behind in footprint is what people follow". - BluJewel 2008

After I sent it to him, he replied stating how much he liked what I said and asked if he could use it as his signature. I was flattered and humbled that he found it so significant to use it.

I'm sharing it with you and hope it makes a difference in your lives and actions.


06 August 2008


I know I've been incognegro for a minute since I dropped that poem and I don't mean to be, but I'm going through a transition of sorts and needed to concentrate on myself for a minute.

I have a couple more I plan to post since y'all liked that last one THAT much *smile*

I'm not sure if anyone has contact with BZ, but she's been MIA for a while and I'm concerned because she had some health issues and she's not returned calls/txts. If anyone has info, please email me or leave details in your comment.

Don, I've been reading you, just haven't commented; no diss, was just short on time. You're still making me think and laugh.

Like Stella, I'm getting my groove back and the Jewel will be shining even brighter than before.

For those who know and those who didn't, the 29th of this month marks the 1 year anniversary of my first surgery for breast cancer...I'm A SURVIVOR!!!! I've set up a team to participate in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk for October of this year in my area. I do plan to post details of the event and hope that you will donate to this cause.

In the mean time, I'm preparing for my 41st birthday...yes, I'm THAT old! *lol* and am looking forward to celebrating it clean of cancer and without the self-consciousness I did last year.

To God be the glory for the past year, for all of you, and for me never giving up.


22 July 2008

I Want A Love...

Thanks to Don, I came across a wonderful poem that is a MUST read. I want that kind of... by Charles.

It reminded me of a poem I wrote some years ago. Because of Charles, I've decided to share it.

I want a Love

I want a...
I want a love...
I want a love that existed way before time and will last long after it has past
I want a love that you have to travel to the ends of the universe and back to understand its depth
I want a love that makes you envelop yourself in an ocean of water only to die and be reincarnated in a different country so that I could love you in a different language.

I want a …
I want a love...
I want a love that defies sense a logic and renders me helpless every time you’re near
I want a love that makes me full even if I haven't eaten because I am consumed by the mere sight of you
I want a love that fuels my fire so much that just thinking of you makes me hot
I want a love that makes me cry every time I go to sleep because I can't see you
I want a love that makes me just want because you make me insatiable

I want a …
I want a love...
I want a love that makes years feel like months, months feel like weeks, weeks feel like days, days feel like hours, hours feel like minutes, minutes feel like seconds so I would never feel like I'm away from you.
I want a love that turns syllables into words, words into sentences, sentences into paragraphs, so that no matter what I say, it sounds like I love you.
I want a love that has a foundation strong enough to hold the weight of the world and the universe that surrounds it.

I want a ...
I want a love...
I want a love that makes everyday a ceremony for the sound of your voice is music to my ears
I want a love that makes me feel like I'm in a garden for every time I thought of you flowers bloomed
I want a love where you were my compass and I would never be lost and always be lead back to you

I want a...
I want a love...
I want a love that allows my thoughts of you to became stars so on a clear night you could look up at the sky see how much I love.
I want a love that allows me to sleep through dark and dangerous nights because as long as I'm near I know I'm safe.
I want a love that allows oceans and seas to become puddles and ponds because you are on the other side.

I want a …
I want a love...
I want a love where being incarcerated would seem like freedom knowing you're still there for me
I want a love where being naked is just a state of being because I'll always be covered with your love
I want a love that welcomes the darkness for that's when the stars shine the brightest and I know your love is above me
I want a love that allows us to speak volumes even when we're not talking

I want a...
I want a love...
I want a love that would allow me to change the promise that the rainbow made and instead of a pot of gold I would find you.
I want a love so beautiful that every paradise in the world wishes that it was their resting place.
I want a love so undefined that Webster just reference it instead of trying to define it.
I want a love ...

I want a …
I want a love...
I want a love so pure that virginity would take on a whole new meaning
I want a love so divine that is took second place next to God
I want a love that speaks for itself where even if I wasn't near you, you could still hear me
I want a love...

I want a love like this.
I want to love like this.

© Blu Jewel

19 July 2008

Completely Blu

The past two years have been an amazing growth process for me and the past year has been even more amazing in terms of my life's experiences. The following poem is a culmination of my journey as best I could capture it when it was written. It's the first poem I've written solely in the past year and I'm sharing it with you. Enjoy

As the pieces of the puzzle assemble

And the links of my life meet

Finally forming a unified compilation of me

No longer fractured by torment, pain, or neglect

Seeing the scars both real and imagined

As battle wounds from a war waged

Rendering me the victor; not victim

Now fully open to accept and receive

The blessings set before me

To know and understand the difference

Between living and existing

Knowing when to hold on or let go

And possess the ability of losing myself within myself

Instead of to another for their gratification

While unfulfilling my own

Allowing myself room to grow;

Accepting that life is ever changing

And not always in a bad way

Tendering the ability to let my guard down

And not feel naked without reason

Believing that I truly am a queen

And my king will come in search of his missing rib

To know and trust in the possibility of love

And believe in the hand willing to catch me

Realizing fear is nothing but the blinding

Of feelings unused to being surfaced

And the blocking of love and life

That’s ready and willing to be embraced

Empowered by the willingness to simply be me

I teeter to the edge; contemplating the fall

Encouraged by a leap of faith

I learn to spread my wings

© Blu Jewel 2008

15 July 2008

Just Think

I had a couple of things on my mind to post about today and just when I thought I was going to post one of them, I got this quote in my inbox...

Just Think
You’re here not by chance,
But by God’s choosing.
His hand formed you
And made you the person you are.
He compares you to no one else –
You are one of a kind.
You lack nothing that
His grace can’t give you.
He has allowed you to be here
At this time in history
To fulfill His special purpose
For this generation.

--Roy Lessin

With all the negativity surrounding us that leads to self-doubt and self-defication, I think this quote can change the way we view ourselves and make a difference in how we let others view us. We live in a day and time that's surrounded by so much conflict, turmoil, and negatively on a small and large scale that it's so easy to fall apart. Roy Lessin's words show us that we are so much more than the sum of our parts and that we can rise above and aspire to be the children of God who can/will make a difference not only to ourselves, but an entire generation.

In reading this quote, I thought about Barack Obama and how he is in some ways a living example of the words. His running for presidency is an effect on things not happening by chance and how we're ready as people to be a part of an historical movement. Life is not about color, race, gender, or the superficialities that we're attaching ourselves to; instead it's about being a part of a global bond on humanity plain and simple.

Let us each take a moment to Just Think and then "just be".


14 July 2008

It is well with my soul!

Whenever things seem to want to go wrong, it tends to want to happen quickly and heavily. As you read from my last post, I encountered a problem at my home, which required immediate attention and took my out of my budget. I prayed on the situation and asked God to show me the way. I give thanks for the challenges I've faced in my life because as the quote says, "...you are greater than any obstacle"; however, there are days when I still feel the turbulence coursing through my veins and I don't know how I'm going to calm it down. Naturally, I reach out to my heavenly father because I know He's got the answers and will show me the way. I also know that there are angels here who are used through Him to be the calm in the storm, to lend a hand; an ear; or a shoulder.

This morning was full of turbulence and I reached out for my Bible and read Psalms 4 and the first few chapters of Psalms 5 and immediately felt relaxed and drifted into a short but deep slumber. After getting up, I read Believer 1964's blog that she posted July 13 and after listening to Wintley Phipps sing It Is Well With My Soul, I knew God had used her to guide and calm me. It was from her blog that I took the quote I've used in this post. I read the scripture she has under the quote (Romans 8:28) and again was moved my how He knew what I needed to read.

Tears welled in my eyes and flowed as I received the song into my heart and soul and accepted the words as my personal blessing.

Fellow bloggers, life is a temporary assignment (saw that on a t-shirt) and we have to live it well. God is the way maker and never gives us more than we can handle. I thank each of you for your contributions in my life. Though I may not know you all personally, I still know that you have all been or will be us for a purpose.

Please take a moment to visit Believer 1964's blog because she truly is a God send to me and I know you can find something for yourself in the July 13th post.

Let all be well with your soul today.


09 July 2008


Being a homeowner isn't easy and being a homeowner on an extremely limited buget is even harder. Well, the other day I took on a plumbing project hoping to relieve the downstairs toilet from backing up. After what I thought was a successful endeavor, I found out that the problem was greater than the work I'd done.

I called the company that maintains my septic system and scheduled service for tomorrow (Thursday). During the conversation, something told me to ask if they could come out today. I was told they could get someone out and she'd call when they were 20 minutes from my home as that's how long it would take me to get home from work. I pulled up the same time as the contractor pulled onto my street.

A pleasant looking young black man (now, I made reference to his race solely because I've never seen or had a person of color provide this service) got out and I proceeded to tell him what was wrong and he took to fishing around for the tank head. I told him the one he'd opened initially was the one that was used prior, but he said that wasn't the right one. He prodded the yard until he found what he was looking for and started digging.

I asked a series of questions regarding what he was doing and he explained that the solid waste had not been pumped and only the liquid had been removed in all of my previous services and that was why I found my system needing pumping at least twice a year. Naturally, I was a little ticked at having been duped by the company I formerly used, but was more grateful that I now knew the cause of the problem with the system. I was even more grateful that he only charged for the minimum service, which gave me a huge discount in what he'd done. Yes, I prayed on the spot and gave thanks for the largess imparted upon me.

I've been receiving emails and such telling me to hold on; stay strong; and let God lead and handle things. I shared that with the guy and he smiled and said, "no problem. I don't want to see you have to go through anymore stress." I thanked him profusely again and told him that he was a God send, a prayer answered, and a true blessing to my day.

I had to share this as a testimony to how wonderful God is and how He'll work his miracles. He knew I really didn't have the extra money to put out, but found a way to get the service done at minimal cost. God is good always in ALL ways!



I'm not sad or discouraged because I know the works He has for me, but it's fair to say that I'm a little disappointed at the moment. I read this in my Daily Word is and it kind of sums up my need.

It was only a brief little note,
Or a word that was prayerfully spoken,
Yet not in vain, for it soothed the pain
Of a heart that was nearly broken. —Anon.

Hope can be ignited by a spark of encouragement.

Please extend a small prayer in my favor to give me continued strength and the encourgement to forge on ever thankful and ever sure.


08 July 2008

PSA - Good deal!

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho is an awesome book and one that should be read by everyone; especially those who want to improve their lives and see their dreams become reality.

Now, through July 14th, iTunes is offering the audiobook for free. Yes, I said, FREE! This is a $21.95 value and something that you can not only add to your iTunes and iPod. It's over 4hrs in length, so I doubt you'll be able to burn it to CD.

I hope that you will sieze the opportunity and download a book that has sold over 100 million copies worldwide and become a little more consciously aware.


01 July 2008

It's just me!

Relaxation doesn't come much better than this.

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more vacation pix

These were taken at Sandals Resort, Whitehouse, Jamaica.

Yes, I made my rounds!

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vacation pix

Taken at Sandals Resort, Negril, Jamaica

Maybe these pix will bring some peace and tranquility to your day. Maybe it will inspire you to take a vacation. Or maybe it'll be a momentary escape from your current state of being.

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