25 March 2008

and i wonder...

these are the prevailing thoughts in my mind right now...

what the end result of the election process will be

if I’ll be able to find a way to help lil lady’s friend “Lisa” (refer to last post)

why people have full-fledged conversations on the phone or text while using the toilet

if I’d have the restraint to call the police on the man who’d molested my child or on myself for killing his ass (a story I saw on the news)

why people take other people’s food out of public refrigerators and eat it

why I’m 40 and now becoming Daddy’s girl

how the Bloggerazzi has become almost as bad as the Paparazzi

why people ask you personal questions that have no value added to their lives, yet flip if you returned in kind

how come birth control is so readily available yet I still see teens with multiple kids they can’t take care of

why people don’t say what they mean and mean what they say

why does my being single matter to anyone

how come we’re all excited about the money the government is giving us; meanwhile they’ll make us claim it as income next year

if I’ll ever truly see justice prevail

why people assume that two attractive people will make a cute baby

if white women think about how they’ll be able to take care of their biracial child’s hair; especially if it’s a girl

when I’ll meet the 5 bloggers I really want to meet this year

why my scale at home always differs from the one at the doctors office

why earth’s devastation or destruction movies always focus on New York City

how a Priest who’s never been married or had sex can counsel someone on marriage/sex *it’s not the same in theory*

what goes through a kid’s mind when they see how adults behave

what sex will be like again *shut up Don!*

how come people don’t believe in the faith and the power of prayer

21 March 2008

protecting our children

If I hear of one more child being abused, I’m going to commit homicide. Yes, I realize that’s quote a profound statement and one that I’m unlikely to execute, but I sure as hell would like to.

Recently, lil lady told me of a friend (we’ll call her Lisa) of hers who’d been abused by her uncle. Being the concerned parent that I am, I asked if there was anything I could do to help Lisa because it sounded like an intervention needed to happen. Lil lady told me that Lisa fears her cousin is also being abused, but she can’t prove it and fears that if she does tell, her aunt and cousin will suffer because the aunt doesn’t work. The uncle is the sole provider for the family. Lisa has exhibited behavior conducive to that of an abuse victim and is harboring a burden that is not fair and too heavy for her to carry.

I told lil lady that Lisa is welcome to come to the house anytime and that I’d be willing to listen to her and help her in any way I can. I understand Lisa’s trepidation, but it pisses me off to no end that her uncle continues to have that control over her. It’s said that he makes inappropriate comments to/about other girls in the family and his own child seems withdrawn and overly quiet. That in itself is a typical sign of an abused child.

I want to do something. I want to help Lisa relieve her burden and also help her aunt and cousin. They need the predator removed from their lives and he needs to be jailed and hopefully treated for his perversion. I’m sick and tired of our children being the victims of this type of crime and even worse the perp knowing that for the most part; he’ll get away with it. The long lasting and damaging effects of what Lisa has and continues to go through will haunt her unless she speaks up and speaks out. I was tempted to make a call to social services and inquire as to what could be done to help the family emotionally, psychologically, and financially, but opted out because I didn’t want to be pressed for information I 1) couldn’t give or 2) reveal information that seems like it’s not my place to give. Isn’t that a mofo though? You know what you’re doing is right, but in some ways you know it can do more harm? This is the dilemma that I don’t know how to handle.

As a parent, I could go to the end of the earth to seek justice for my child should she be an abuse victim. As a parent, I want to be an advocate for children in this position so they have a voice and know there’s someone out there that cares for them. Hell, even if I wasn’t a parent, I’d still feel the same way. I think it’s imperative that we find ways to help our children from being victims of incest, familial rape, and other forms of sexual abuse. This is a pervasive crime and crosses into all races and cultures. We all know directly or indirectly someone who’s been sexually assaulted or abused whether it occurred in their childhood or adulthood. The crime is a crime regardless of age, but the effects are so much more for a child to handle and grow up with.

As adults, it’s important for us to have productive roles in the lives of children; be they our own, siblings, nieces or nephews, godchildren, etc. Next month is Sexual Abuse Awareness month and I hope that each of us will do our part to serve and protect those in need. The child you see on the block, in the mall, or in a playground could be a victim, just as the man or woman right next to you could have or could be a victim. Equally, that man or woman could be a perpetrator. We must be proactive in whatever ways we can to prevent crimes like this from happening.

While, I still don’t know how I’m going to help Lisa, I’ve at least opened the door through lil lady and continue to pray for it to end one way or another.


20 March 2008

If I can't have you...

Sorry for the delay in my posts, but my life has been rather busy for the past couple of weeks. I managed to get some time so here's a nice long post for you...

Having been the recipient of a (near) Fatal Attraction, I often wonder what goes through someone’s head when they develop such intense feelings that would cause them to act in such a twisted way. Though I never slept with Jose; in fact I don’t recall even kissing him other than a peck on the cheek, I’ve never known what caused him to have such intense feelings for me. He and I were in the same military unit and became friends. He helped me learn the things I’d need for Basic Training (BT) and kind of became my bodyguard; keeping the grimey older men from making passes at me and other inappropriate comments.

We only saw each other monthly when I was at the unit, but we spoke on the phone from time to time. I didn’t think much of his asking about my personal life like school, friends, social life etc, as it seemed like the natural progression of conversation. I did; however, notice his reaction to my conversing with other guys at the unit. He seemed to get angry or agitated and especially if he sensed there was a level of closeness between them and me. There was one guy I was pretty cool with as he and I were leaving at the same time and would be attending the same military occupational school. Jose stepped to the guy as if he was my boyfriend. Tavares told me about the incident and I called Jose on his actions. He tied to down play it and I told him that whatever he thought he was doing, he wasn’t my boyfriend and had no right to talk to anyone that way. He backed off…for a while anyway.

When I wasn’t home for military training, I was at school and Jose took it upon himself to send roses almost weekly. Though flattering; it was inappropriate and uncalled for. He would call at all hours of the day and night and question my roommates as to my whereabouts. He became incensed if they wouldn’t give him specific details. I spoke to him about his calls and again he tried to downplay his actions citing he was just concerned and wanted to make sure I was okay. He would call my parents house on the weekends when he couldn’t catch me on campus and it was then that I started to get really frustrated. Back then, I wasn’t as strong as I am now, so I was a little passive in my telling him to back off and if he didn’t start acting like “just friends” then I couldn’t speak to him at all and would report him to our commanding officer. He got the message…for a while anyway…the pattern was forming.

One Friday, I got a call from him saying he was in Atlantic City and wanted to see me. I told him that I didn’t have a car or access to one and couldn’t make it to the city to see him. This nut took a cab from the city to campus and showed up at my apartment. I was stunned beyond belief. I called my roommate who was home for the weekend to let her know he was there just in case something happened to me. She’d known what was going on and had been playing referee where he was concerned. I set him up on the couch and locked myself in the bedroom for the night; though I barely slept. The following morning, my roommate called on queue and I was able to rush him out and get him on a bus back to the city so he could go home.

The months passed and it was time for me to leave. As is customary, your BT location is posted on a board so members of the unit can write you or send care packages. Naturally, Jose took advantage of this information and sent me letters and care packages weekly. He even sent roses for Valentine’s Day, which caused me to be the talk of the platoon and the recipient of much chastisement from the Drill Sergeants. I asked him to refrain from the grandiose gestures and he replied with yet another large packaged compliments of FedEx.

When I left BT and moved on to VA for occupational school, my address was once again posted on the board. I contacted the unit and asked them not to allow him access to my information, but it was too late. Jose started writing letters, sending packages, which escalated into gifts of jewelry and money. I told him I was seeing someone, which was true and hoped he’d back down for good. He did for a while and I was happy. Then he’d done some research and obtained the number to where I was and called the company pretending to be from my home unit. At this point I was completely infuriated. I cussed him out and told my 1st Sergeant what was going on. He contacted my home unit and told them and stressed that charges would be filed on my behalf if they didn’t intercede and prevent him from contacting me. I think Jose finally got the message and I was finally at peace. Or at least I thought I was.

Once back home, I’d forgotten he had my parents number and he called clear out of the blue. My mother not knowing the story handed me the phone. I almost died on the spot. He started berating me for getting him in trouble and that all he wanted to do was love me yada, yada. I slammed the phone down and told my mother the story and asked her to screen any calls I got on her line, which was only two seeing as I had my own line now that I was home again. Jose continued to call and after getting a royal Jamaican cussing from my mother, he stopped. I informed my unit of what was going on and they discharged him. It was then that I finally got some peace. That’s not to say I wasn’t afraid that he’d show up after a drill (training) weekend or show up on campus, but at least I knew there was documented proof of his antics and enough people to speak on my behalf if the matter went to court.

Ladies and gents, have you ever been a victim of “if I can’t have you, no one else can” or have you done that to someone? I find this behavior reprehensible and down right frightening. Though I’m a much stronger women emotionally now than then, I wouldn’t want to endure that behavior again. I don’t have the time or energy to expend on someone that twisted nor to I have the energy to stalk someone. Well, I did once, and that’s cause he was my then husband and it was worth the deed. *lol* Seriously though, this form of attraction is not a compliment nor is it healthy.


12 March 2008

where i wanna be

My heart is full
My mind is in overdrive
My body is screaming "rest me"
My greatest wish right now is for this feeling...

Taken in Negril, Jamaica


10 March 2008

All about me!

Last week, Don did a post called You and I didn't have time to answer the questions he posed, so I'm using his post to answer them...

Have you ever did something that even amazed you?
Yes. I gave up an entire semester of school to attend Army Basic Training. Though I couldn't do push up the first, I managed to learn enough to not get punked when I arrived at Ft. McClellen, Al. In spite of a physical condition, I managed to excel at PT and passed every fitness test I had. Furthermore, I did well throughout the entire 8 weeks of training and graduated in the top 10% of my class. Though this may seem like nothing to some, I overcame a lot of fears, humiliation, excelled in areas I didn't even know I was capable of and gained lifelong discipline and skills that I use to this day.

What is your writing muse?
Anything and everything. There is no one person or thing that inspires me.

What gets on your nerve as it relates to the opposite sex?
His inability to show real emotion. I know you've been taught to "man up", "not cry" or whatnot, but that's some real live bull-ish right there. To me, you're more of a man for showing me your soft side than for holding it in.

Do you bring up the past when you argue?
No! It serves no major purpose and only takes away from the real issues. The only time it's relevant is when it's being used as an instrument to show said person that they've repeatedly doen whatever you're arguing about.

Who are you?
I'm a child of God. A daughter; sister; mother; aunt; godmother; best friend; and a genuinely nice person. I am the queen of my castle, a mentor, a role model, and a proud black woman.

Do you bow out of any potential arguments gracefully?
Yes. I say what I mean and mean what I say, so if I feel the person can't handle the truth, then it's best to just walk away.

What is the best advice that you can give me?
Continue to be you and always be true to you. Allow yourself to grow in whatever way you can and never settle for anything less than you know you deserve.

Are you trying to be a better person?
Always; in all ways.

Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Honestly? Well, the answer is two-fold. On one hand, I see that life (society) has taken a turn in the absolute wrong direction. We've forgotten values, manners/discipline, and how to be good to each other. We've become distant and internalized so much so that many of us live vicariously through the Net or through others instead of actually going out into the world and making a mark. On the other hand, I love my life and the achievements I've made. I love being me and am happy with myself and those I include in it.

What do you love?
God, first and foremost because He's made me who I am. I love lil lady, my family, friends, and for having another day in this world.


06 March 2008

Quotes that inspire!

I wasn't sure what to post about today. I don't have any one major thing on my mind; well I do, but it's something I'm not quite ready to discuss. But I did find some quotes that stood out and I thought I'd share them.

Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. - Robert A. Heinlein

The purpose of out live us to give birth to teh best which is within us. - Marianne Williamson

In about the same degree as you are helpful, you will be happy. - Karl Reiland

You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips - Oliver Goldsmith

The heights by great men reach and kept were not attained by sudden flight, but they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Real happiness is cheap enough, yet how dearly we pay for its counterfeit. - Hosea Ballou

If you seek what is honorable, what is good, what is the truth of your life, all the other things you could not imagine come as a matter of course. - Oprah Winfrey

So many paths that wind and wind, when just the art of being kind is all this sad world needs. - Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Every human mind is a great slumbering power until awakened by a keen desire and by definite resolution to do. - Edgar F. Roberts

You are responsible for your life. You can't keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction...Life is really about moving on. - Oprah Winfrey

Feeling of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere in which individual differences are appreciated, love us shown openly, mistakes are used for learning, communication is open, rules are flexible, responsibility is modeled and honesty is practiced. - Virginia Satir

When we cannot find contentment in ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere. - La Rochefoucauld


05 March 2008

Likes/Dislikes list

I always have to give a shout out to Don for this because I "stole" this idea from him. You know it's all love right Don? *muah*

Being back in touch with my siblings
Being the catalyst for us all coming together again
Lil lady made High Honor Roll
Being in love with myself
Letting go and moving on
Being hopeful for the upcoming election
Being a 'cool' aunt
That my boy will be moving back to NJ
Watching the National Geographic Channel with lil lady
Knowing that prayers can/do get answered

Obama constantly referred to as the "black" presidential candidate *like duh*
Mean spirited people
Having to wait for the right time/person
The lack of black love for self and community
That I haven't fulfilled my reading schedule
Knowing my friend is in pain and I can't help her
The current definition of what being black means
When good people are treated badly
My father's inability to apologize
That I haven't filed my taxes yet

04 March 2008

open letter

To all of you (male and female) who seem to think I'm stuck up; I am. Yes, that's right, I'm stuck up and I'm damn proud of it. Why should I demean myself by dressing in skanky inappropriate clothing to show off my physical attributes when wearing something that actually fits and is more flattering can do the very same thing? I don't need to sleep with a man after a date because he bought me dinner; I'm worth more than the cost of a $100 dinner. And the ensuing second, third, or forth date doesn't warrant my sleeping with him either nor should I trade my body for a mortgage payment. I have a lot of respect for myself, my body, and my reputation than to sell/trade it for such superficial things.

Yes, I'm stuck up when I don't respond to "yo baby!" "yo! lemme holla atchu girl" "what yo name is?" Or any derivative of corniness that men seem to think is attractive or is a good pick up line. No, my name ain't baby and I'd tell it to you if you were able to address me in a way that would even make me want to divulge it. Telling my how big my ass is, how I look in my jeans, or what have you isn't a good pick up line or attractive either.

Yes, I'm stuck up when I look at the other girls in the club with a crooked eye because they're chugging booze like water and acting a fool when they're all drunk and staggering around. I'm also stuck up when I, unlike you don't let men I don't know feel up on me or leave the club with them while my girls are still at the bar hoping I make it home afterward. I was always taught, "we came together; we leave together" no matter how fine the brother is. I'm also not going to indulge in same sex behavior just to attract a man or fulfill his fantasy.

The fact that I can and do speak standard English and can conduct myself without rolling my neck and waving my index finger as a weapon doesn't take cool points off my "Blackness" Card. I wasn't aware that my blackness or street cred meant I had to act like a fool in order to promote myself or my race. The last I checked, being black had nothing to do with that at all. Furthermore, why should I continually subsribe to the negative images that other people expect of me when I know I wasn't raised that way nor do I think it's the kind of image that is positive.
I have to carry myself in the fashion I want to be treated; which is rather favorably and if per chance, I'm received with anything less than that I know I can find a way to change their mind without "showing out. The best way to check someone is to be able disprove their perception.

Ladies and gentleman, I'm a proud black woman. I am happy with my mixed heritage; my roots; my looks. I do not feel the need to have blonde hair, which would look a hot mess on me anyway. I am happy with my dark brown eyes and the need for contacts to make them lighter isn't necessary either. Augmenting my facial features to look less black or more white isn't worth the money. I've noticed so many black women doing just as I've said and it doesn't make them any more desirable to white men nor do most black men think it's that attractive either. So, can you please explain to me why you're spending time or money altering the natural beauty that is a black woman; a queen? I'm not against comestic surgery, but it's something that should be reserved as a need moreso than a want especially when black skin does not always respond to surgical procedures the way white skin does. Keloids and other scaring can occur if you don't research whom your chosing as a surgeon.

My bothers, please love yourselves enough to stop killing each other over the dumbest things. I mean, is that chick really worth shooting dude over cause he said hi? Are the AF1s really that important that you had to commit assault over because someone stepped on them? I'm tired of hearing about my brothers being locked up over some infraction that could have been avoided. If you've got kids; take care of them. Also, if you're gay, be gay. Stop hiding and taking risks with your health and the women you're still sleeping with. I know it's not easy for black men to be out there, but please think about the ramifications of your actions. Women, you need to protect yourselves too. If you're on the down low too, get checked and get her checked too. If you're sharing toys, use a condom. Sound stupid? It's not. Yes, you can pass STDs and HIV through sharing toys. If chick #1 is carrying and the toy has been up in her and then she puts it in check #2, the STD can be passed. Sex ain't worth getting killed or dying over.

Let's start taking pride in ourselves as a people. Let's go back to the old school way of living and raising our kids. Stop being yours kids friend and be their parent first and foremost. Get to know your children's teachers and what your kids are doing in school. Participate in their activities when you can and let them know that you're interested in them and their lives. Promote academics and not sports to get your kids into college. Speak to your children and not at them. Stop calling them out their name and seek the counsel of other parents you respect to get advice and help when you need it. Show and tell your children you love them and you cherish their being in your life. Don't tell you child you wished you'd aborted him/her when they've acted up or their father is on your nerves. Give your children values; teach them manners and discipline; and teach them to respect themselves and others. Get to know their friends and the company they keep. Be an active participant in your childs life and be the example for them to follow. Stop drinking, cursing, and acting a fool in front of them. Stop bringing this man or that woman around your children or leaving them with Nay-Nay whenever you want to go get your swurve on. Please start screening your childrens MySpace pages and find out whom they're online with; too many of our kids are out there in the wrong way.

Just because you might have to live in the hood doesn't mean you can't have or keep a clean house; please don't hate on me because I'm a homeowner. I worked hard to have the house I do and continue to work hard to keep the bank from taking it back. It's furnished with things I've worked hard to have and keep. No, I'm not rich because I take vacations out of the country. I'm blessed to have family in Jamaica, Grand Cayman, or London. I save my money to pay for the flights and get away for my much needed time with family or for some R&R. I cherish my family and stay in touch with them so I can have that bond and be able to share a common bond with.

Life is too short to live it grudging other people; being mean; selling yourself short; or some other form of negativity. Life may not always be easy and it won't always be equipped with all the things we think is fair, but it's still worth living in the best way you can. God have given us all the tools to make it, so we need to take inventory and use them wisely. Surround yourself with the things and people that bring you joy; help those less fortunate than yourself when you can; and stop thinking the grass is greener in Mr. or Mrs. Jones' yard.

Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful inside and out...I've got quality of life to show for myself; do you?


03 March 2008

the sound effects!

Using public restrooms is an activity most hate, but have to endure during the day to prevent the potential health risks avoiding them can cause. I'm not exception to the rule, and often wait until I'm damn near ready to pee myself before I go. I'n in; I'm out and I'm on with my day. But what is up with these people (namingly woman) who go in there and camp out just to take a piss or shit? This morning I went into the ladies room and there's a woman in there pissing and she's got all these sound effects going as if pissing was the highlight of her day. I couldn't help but wonder what noises she makes when she has to shit for all the noise she made over peeing.

Then I go to another ladies room to wash my hands and there's a woman in there taking a shit and she's grunting angrily. I wasn't sure if she was mad because I interupted her movement or if she's was angry because it was giving her grief. Either way, I didn't want to stick around to find out, so I washed and ran barely stopping to dry my hands.

I don't understand how people can go to the rest room in public with such ease and then add sound effects and such while they're in there. Even when I'm home, I go in; get out and get on with my day. I don't want to stick around and turn it into story time or show and tell event.

Does anyone else encounter this mess when they're at work?


01 March 2008

10 perculiar things about me!!

  1. I can bend my thumbs onto the back of my hands
  2. Blue is not one of my favorite colors
  3. I put relish on pizza
  4. I can flip my eyelids inside out
  5. I can read two different books at the same time
  6. I can remember a series of numbers(credit card #, etc.), but was never good at math
  7. I do not mix my spaghetti sauce with the spaghetti; they have to be side by side
  8. I wanted to be a Mortician
  9. I initially pierced my own navel
  10. I can eat any food; any time of the day