21 December 2006

Goodnight to all and to all a good night

Well, this is going to be the last post of 2006. With Christmas and New Years fast approaching, I'm going to need to take a hiatus from blogging for a bit. Before I do, I want to express a few things; thoughts; and stuff with you all. Here goes.

  1. First and foremost, I'll thank the Creator for blessing me with the courage, insight, and talent to write and to share myself with you
  2. Thank each and every one of you who has taken the time to read, comment, and share this blog. Without you all I'd still blog, but your participation makes it more fun.
  3. I still haven't quite found the proverbial Christmas spirit, but trust and believe, I will find some spirits *wink*
  4. I look great in these jeans, my hair/face looks good, and the hip confidence (swagger in my walk) is in high gear today.
  5. I actually bought a few gifts today excluding the ones for the Christmas gift drive.
  6. I've succeeded in not gaining any weight so far this holiday/Christmas season and that's a good thing. In fact, I've lost a couple pounds...yippee!!!
  7. I've learned so much more about so many things from the amazing blogs I read and thank you all for posting such memorable things for me to read.
  8. I've had a great year in spite of the bullshit and drama that has happened along the way.
  9. Just a few more months til my new nephew is born...I'm not getting the niece I wanted, but it's cool.
  10. My resiliency and resolve has been tested in ways I never imagined, but I passed with flying colors.

I guess that's about it. I extend to you all the very best wishes for a Merry Christmas and New Years. I pray that you all will be kept safe, that good memories will be created, and a lot of love and compassion is extended and received.

I'll see you all in 2007!!!!!!!!

18 December 2006

??Ever wonder??

Think of pivotal moments in your life where you had to make a decision and now that the decision has been made, do you ever think about how your life could have changed as a result?

For some unknown reason, I thought about that today. I thought about the month long vacation I took after high school and called home to say I wasn't coming back. I currently wonder where I would be in life had I decided to remain in London instead of coming back to the states. I wonder what my current employment would be; whether or not I'd be married; have kids; etc. I know I can't ever know because there's no turning back the clock, but it doesn't stop me from wondering.

I sat quietly for about 30 minutes and contemplated that call, my reasons for not wanting to return to the U.S, and even allowed myself to project events. In my mind, I saw myself enrolled in a university continuing my studies in language and commerce, which was my course of studies prior to moving here. I saw myself studying in France, to further my ability to speak my first choice foreign language and continuing my ability to speak German and Russian also. I thought about what kind of boyfriend I might have had. Would I have finally snagged Delroy Pinnock, the dark chocolate good friend of my older brother, whose smile could give the sun a run for its money? His smooth, silky voice that drove me nuts when he spoke, and that same voice that could belt out tunes; leading him to release a song on wax. Maybe we would have made it and if lifes timing was kind, we'd marry, procreate and bring a child into the world. Or if not he, maybe I'd fall for a charming French man named Jean-Luc much like the one I'd met in my teens while in France for a week whose voice spent me as his French-infused English speaking let me know how much I'd learn to love accents. Hell, maybe I'd never marry or have children and simply travel the world as an ambassador, or translator for international businesses. Maybe I would have become a writer and bless the literary community with my works and end up on Best Seller lists worldwide.

I'll never know what could have happened had I stuck to my guns when I made that phone call, but it sure was fun to reflect and think about the possibilities. (sigh)

15 December 2006

!!!Fantasy Fuckables!!!

”It's the holiday season, so spend some time with a family member (or friends), reminisce on old times or create special moments. If you can't be with your loved one(s) for whatever reason, at least call and let them know how much you love and care about them. So many days are spent shopping for gifts and what not and we really miss the true meaning of Christmas.”

I clipped that from G-Mo. I bolded the part that really moved me because it was a great to hear another person sharing this mindset. I also added the part in parens. Gifts are great, but nothing can be better than building memories.

Okay, now that my PSA is done, I can move on to more amusing matters.

I’m at the Plantation today, which is out of the oridinary as I typyically don’t work on Fridays. However, since I’m here, I figured I’d have some fun. It is Friday afterall right? Right!!

So, a week or so ago, during my weekly Chat N Chew, my buddy, lemme correct that as “buddy” has other meanings and he and I don’t have that kind of relationship. We’ll call him Kap. Kap and I were discussing football and how I don’t like it blah, blah, blah. Then Fantasy Football was discussed and again, I expressed my disinterest, but then this crazy thought came to mind. “Fantasy Fuckables!” Kap looked me at like, “WTF?” I laughed.

What is “Fantasy Fuckables” you might ask? Well, dear ones, it’s simiar to Fantasy Football, except your players are people (actors/singers, the UPS man/woman, whomever) that you’d like to fuck. The premise of this game is to gather the collection of players and pitch them against other people’s list to see who has the most popular players.

I’ve discussed this idea with Kap (male perspective) and a female friend and both think it’s a cool idea. In order to play, you must submit your list via email (BluJewel@comast.net) with the subject FF or I'll delete it thinking it's SPAM. I’ll then compile the list of players. Please limit your list to ten players. This game is open to both men and women and you can include all of one sex or a combination of both. No, your sexuality is not in question here. Then I’ll figure out a way to post the list in a word file (suggestions please for how all can see it). Or I’ll post it in list form and votes can be made accordingly. The process of elimination will be used to achieve the winner/MFP (Most Fuckable Player).

I know this is way out of left field, but haven’t all my posts been this week; so why should this one be any different.

The Jewel is shining bright!!!

14 December 2006

SoMe ThInGs I kNoW fOr SuRe

God is real

there are men that will allow you to touch their anus without freaking out

men are as insecure about their bodies/looks as women are

saying hi to someone and they don't respond pisses the greeter off

not all women like chocolate and shopping

a lof of children are smarter than they're given credit for being. in fact, there are children better qualified for office than the adults there

being academically smart doesn't give you common sense

words are as dangerous as a loaded gun

there days when a smile, hug, or kind word can stop someone from killing themselves (emotionally, physically, mentally)

music is one hellified way of saying things you can't in your own words

myspace is like an online highschool

Essence Magazine isn't as good as it used to be; thus causing me to end my almost two decade subscription

not all men are incapable of thinking without their dick

a mother's love for her child does NOT always come naturally; look at news archives of what women have done to their babies lately

your average guy is not taking the hoochie home to meet his parents

being turned out isn't always a bad thing

blessings come in a various forms big or small

men love it when a woman is self-confident-assured-esteemed and independent, but will still let him lead when necessary

going to the bathroom in pairs IS necessary; prevents some unwanted contact from happenening

good table etiquette is not optional

Chick-fil-A is da bessest fast food chain eva; where else can you get a good meal for under $4 and still be full; i eat the 6pk kids meal...hee, hee

kissing is a good indicator of how well one can fuck

a man who trims his pubes is aiight wit me; who the hell wants to see shaft coming out of dudes drawers

size counts

not all babies are cute couple that with not all good looking people make cute babies

saying "NO " is ALWAYS an option

breast feeding is not archaic; it's one of the best things you can do for baby and self

hand or shoe size is not indicative of penis size

most men don't really like big or fake titties

that i need to end this crazy list now before y'all wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Oh, and for those (namingly Magicalsis) who don't know or where curious as to what I look like, go to Shades of Blu and you'll know what I look like.

13 December 2006

Errant thoughts

just stuff....

if a girl is sucking a guys dick and his balls keep hitting her chin... does that mean SHE BALLIN? (saw this on another blog)

why do people hover over food and eat while others are trying to fix their plates? (on the convergence of people during our group in-house lunch today)

why don't people divulge the ingredients of their food? Don't they know people have food allergies?

i didn't eat that much, but feel like i inhaled an elephant...where's my green tea? Need an energy boost!

Christmas is only 12 days away and i haven't bought a gift yet. correction, i bought something for my aunt in London so i could get it in the mail today

i have a limited idea of gifts that i want, but i truly want the gift of time shared with friends/family that can be turned into memories later. they far outweigh gifts in my book

my hair/face look cute today...talk about a random thought!!!!

i inspired someone and didn't know it until i received an email from her...how cool is that?!

i've come across some really crappy blogs and some really distasteful ones too

the "itis" has set in and i'm fading fast...

the CD Terry hooked me up with is still on repeat in my iTunes. i'm telling y'all, hit him up for your own copy cause i ain't burning mine for ya

have you noticed that people go trolling for food in other parts of the building as if they weren't full from their own groups party?

laying low in the cut is a great place to be unless people keep asking you "what's wrong" and there's nothing wrong until they keep asking you "what's wrong?"

ever notice that when someone says they might be or are interested in someone of the same sex, the listening party IMMEDIATELY thinks that they could be the object of that persons attraction...GET OVER YOURSELF! refer back to previous post where are stated, "being cute doesn't make you fuckable!!! Nuff said, party dun!

12 December 2006

Well, I never...

I "stole" this idea from someone jus.b.fli who "stole" it from someone Xae who "stole" it from who T Cas, who either created it himself of likewise "stole" it from who knows where.

The following are some things I've never done...

I've never misrepresented myself online; as in said, I was one thing, but turned out to be something/one else

I've never sat on the Santa's or Easter Bunny's lap; I think it's a little creepy

I've never watched Miracle on 34th Street in its entirety; no reason, just haven't

I've never believed in Santa; no one could convincingly sell me on that ideal

I've never understood getting peed or shit on during sex; nuff said

I never wanted to be a virgin when I got married; wanted to know what the hell I'd be in for

I never thought I was a good writer; until I did an open mic

I've never smoked cigarettes/weed, tried coke, or any other illicit drug; never saw any good in it

I've never known my maternal grandfather or paternal grandparents; each died before I ever met them

**Honorable mention (not quite a never; more like a haven't) to Terry cause I haven't heard such a good collection of music so well put together in a long time. Folks, holla at Terry for your very own copy of his Mellow CD, I've had it on repeat all day cause it's da mutha effin troof!

What haven't you done?

08 December 2006


"There is much value in the way you've always done things. Consider improving on that value.
Often a difficult and critical challenge will come along to force you out of your established routine. Take the opportunity to rise to that challenge.

Certainly there are benefits to the way you've always done things. And just as certainly there are ways to improve.

Take a look at the things that frustrate you, at the things you struggle with, at the things you resent and regret, and be thankful for them. Then find a way to sincerely justify that gratitude.

The most difficult problems point the way to the most significant improvements. Imagine how your effectiveness would skyrocket if the biggest obstacle that holds you back were suddenly no longer there.

Have the courage to move beyond what is comfortable, knowing that whatever your level of achievement is, you can always improve. And watch as the limitations steadily fall away. "
-- Ralph Marston

I read this quote over and over before I decided if it was a reflection of my mood or if it was speaking to me personally. I thinks it's a little of both. Yesterday was an amazing day on so many ways. While I can't say it was a bad day, it did have a few bad moments. I did the hardest thing I could possibly do and that was to find a way to rise above it. There is a thing or two that still remains a little unresolved, but I will attend to them as quickly as I'm able.

From my various interactions and from my own introspection, I know there is much we all can, should, and will do to improve our lives, relationships, etc., change is a much needed entity in our lives as it alleviates stagnation and routine. Change can present unknown and unexpected challenges too, but ultimately the end result is favorable if you do not give up. Embracing the unknowns is something most of us aren't willing to do as it takes us out of our comfort zone, but again I say, breaking patterns alleviates stagnation.

Whatever we're going through in our lives, we must center on what is good and not wallow in what is bad, what hurts, what we don't want to do. There are physically disabled people who have pulled off feats that abled bodied people cannot and/or will not take on. We question, "why would they do that? Why would they take on such a task?" I think the answer is very simple. Because they can! Because they want to improve or prove something. I think they have realized that they having nothing to lose by at least trying to do something new; something that could potentially bring something different to their lives. If they never tried it; they would never know if they could or if it would work. We all should think along those terms.

There is always room for improvement great or small in our lives. What will yours be?

07 December 2006

WTF? (things on my mind)

Today I've said "Are you serious?" and "WTF?" Too many times to count, so here's some insight to the many thoughts in the Jewel's mind today...

Why do people do such heinous things and use God as a bargaining chip in the process?

Why can't people just be real and not use folk for their personal entertainment?

What would make someone be so cruel and prey on people's kindness and compassion?

I wish it didn't take lightening bolts for people to notice things/people aren't quite as they seem

Being a parent is a mutha effin hard ass job!

Being a friend is fucking hard too and dishing out tough love sucks, but is so necessary sometimes

Being able to write is the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes

I wish paused responses/delayed reactions weren't taken out of context

Sugar coated shit doesn't make candy

Why are kids so quick to get grown, but can't handle the responsibility it comes with?

Just because you're cute doesn't make you likeable or fuckable; substance counts

Why do people take the response to shocked/unexpected comments negatively?

I wish that they made greetings cards that told what you're really feeling when you have to send it to someone you're not on good terms with

Why is it that reaching out to someone who did YOU wrong feels so awkward?

Just once I wish people would stop using the past to hurt you in the present

Why does the threat of being cut off suddenly make people realize they fucked up?

I wish few days of utopia could erase a years worth of pain, anguish, drama etc.,

I hate seeing bad things happen to good people

I wish love wasn't a 4-letter word

Why can't we get along

Does race/gender/sexual orientation really matter?

What's so wrong with race/gender/sexual orientation?

Why did I just find out that my department's Christmas (they say holiday) party was a freebie and I could have gone and not used leave time?

Why didn't I want to go anyway?

I can't wait to use my Spa certificate...I REALLY need some pampering.

The Jewel has left the building....

06 December 2006

New words for Corporare America

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)

BLAMESTORMING – Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER – A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS – The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY – The experience of spending an entire day swimming up stream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM – An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING – When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

MOUSE POTATO – The online, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs – Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY – A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

SWIPEOUT – An ATM of credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

XEROX SUBSIDY – Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.

IRRITAINMENT – Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE – The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE – The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404 – Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web Error Message “404 Not Found”, meaning that the requested site could not be located.

GENERICA – Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

OHNOSECOND – That miniscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake).

WOOFS – Well-Off Older Folks

CROP DUSTING – Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.

05 December 2006

Tally It Up and Title it..."My Fine Is..."

Okay, I'm feeling a little silly today. I got this from someone and thought it might be something fun to post. Tis the season to be jolly, so here's my contribution to bringing some humor to your life. Feel free to use this on your own sites as I'm all for spreading love and humor.
By the way, you don't need to reveal what your "crimes" were; just how much they cost you.

Smoked pot $10
Done acid $20
Ever had sex at church (you're going to hell) $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace $25
Had sex with a Blogger $30
Had sex for money $100
Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican $20
Vandalized something $20
Had sex on your parents' bed (just wrong) $100
Beat up someone $20
Been jumped $10
Crossed dressed (Halloween excluded) $10
Given money to stripper $25
Been in love with a stripper $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know $5
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work $15
Ever drive drunk $50
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk $50
Used toys while having sex $30
Got drunk, passed and don't remember the night before $20
Went skinny dipping $15
Had sex in a pool $20
Kissed someone of the same sex $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex $20
Cheated on your significant other $10
Masturbated $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend $20
Done oral $15
Got oral $10
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving $25
Stole something $10
Had sex with someone in jail $25
Made a nasty home video $15
Had a threesome $50
Had sex in the wild $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars $80
Had sex with someone 10 years older $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it $25
Went streaking $5
Went streaking in broad daylight $15
Been arrested $55
Spent time in jail $75
Peed in the pool $5
Played spin the bottle $10
Done something you regret $40
Had sex with your best friend $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work $25
Had anal sex $80
Lied to your mate $25
Lied to your mate about the sex being good $75


04 December 2006

A Winter Meme - Five Things I Love & Hate About Winter, Winter Holidays

This one is a variation of the one currently being published on Blogger. I don't typically do meme's but because the person who tagged me Su Abraham is so damned nice, I decided I would. Here goes...

5 Things I like...

  1. Taking some time out to give back to others. Isn't that a part of what Christmas is about anyway? The gifts are great, but the gift of giving is greater. For anyone who wanted to buy me a gift, please do something good for someone in need in my honor.
  2. The way my church is internally decorated. It's a large church with a balcony and I'm always amazed at how they get the garlands up so high and they're always straight. The poinsettias at the alter always look beautiful too. I'll try to get some pix to share.
  3. Spending time with friends/family. I feel l ike a gyspy at Christmas for all the homes I visit, but it's always a great time.
  4. Wearing a scarf that a dear friend knitted for me. It's a pretty light blue scarf made of a really soft yarn and even though it doesn't go with everything, I try to wear it with everything anyway. I'd really love a bobble hat to go with it. Maybe I can sweet talk her into knitting me one.
  5. Using the cold weather as an excuse not to go out or do anything. Ordinarily, I'm not a lazy person, but there's nothing nicer than sitting around wrapped in a warm blankie, sipping a nice hot drink, and reading or otherwise doing noting.
  6. BONUS (thank you jenellybean for pointing out my previous error)
    The after Christmas sales. Its' one of the few times I actually enjoy going to the mall. When else can I get a $100 cashmere sweater for $25? Or $150 boots for less than $50 and they'll still be in style.

5 This I dislike...

  1. Watching the pretty snow turn to crap as the cleaning crews come through to clear the streets.
  2. Wanting to go skiing and not going cause my friends don't like it. Yes, I know I can go alone, but my fear is that if something happens to me, how will they know?
  3. Worrying if I'll gain weight for having succomb to eating the sweets I tried not to indulge in
  4. Having to run out in the cold to warm the car, to go back in the house, and then go back out hoping the car is warm enough. That's such a pain in the ass, but it has to be done. I drive a manual transmission vehicle so remote start is not an option for me.
  5. Egg Nog only being available for a limited time. I'm sure I'm not the only person who wouldn't mind it during the year. Ever had Egg Nog cake or Egg Nog frosting? Try mine and you'll want it more than in the winter. *wink*

My list isn't as detailed as Su's but, hey at least I did it.

What's your top 5's?

30 November 2006

Thank yous, shout outs, and props!

Today's post is a simple thank you for those who take the time out of their days to read my blogs (this one and The Saphyre Lounge). Of the many things you can do in a a day, including me doesn't have to be one of them; however, the fact that you do means a lot to me. When I initially began blogging, I didn't really embrace the comments portion of it as I thought that many were just commenting out of some form of obligation or to get a reciprocal comment. As time progressed, I realized that there was a sincere interest in what I was posting and I felt that I was networking in a way I'd never imagined could happen. Though I have a MySpace page, I don't feel the warmth and sincerity there as I do on Blogger (even though it arbitrarily acts the hell up). On Blogger, comments are shared openly and honestly with no hidden agendas (well, none that I've had). The inspiration, guidance, humor, love, etc., that is shared; though virtual, provides a connection that could become so much more. As I said in yesterday's post, I've made some real connections to people and those connections have opened doors that I wouldn't have otherwise received. So, without further babbling, I would like to take a moment to bow in your honor. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Give back some of the inspiration, joy, comfort, and unity that you've given me. The list is in no particular order and if for some crazy chance, I've omitted your name, please do NOT take it personally as it was not intentional.

  • Meditations of a Broken Soul
  • - You are a great friend, a cool manager, a PITA at times, but I love you much.
  • Wide Lawns Narrow Minds
  • - SW, you were one of the first blogs I consistently read when I first got on Blogger. Your posts are long, but well worth the read.
  • Indigo Trail of my Thoughts
  • - Nikki, your blog has made me laugh more times than I can count. It's also given me rooom for pause and envoked some tears.
  • Slimm's Soliloquy
  • - Slimm, I happened upon this you by accident, but enjoyed my visits though you post sporadically.
  • The Butterfli Affect
  • - Girl, there's so much I can say about you, but most of it is NOT for public knowledge, so I'll simply say, our kinnection is so fly and thanks for giving me a reason to let my guard down.
  • Urban Butterfly
  • -UB, a special bow goes to you because you are such a beautiful person and your blog inspires me in so many ways.
  • The Cheap Seats
  • - I happened upon this blog while visiting another and boy was I ever impressed with it. Terry, you are a truly gifted and articulate man and I'm awed by your compassion and humanity. One day we shall meet and converse for hours.
  • Short Short Fiction
  • - Lehane, my fellow countryman. Your writing is incredible and your talents endless. I feel so fortunate to have made your acquaintance and I know it will bring forth great works.
  • The Master Cleanse
  • - This blog has assisted me in maintaining good health and well-being and provided information I could easily and immediately use.
  • Lovers Anonymous
  • - X, damn! What can I say? You are talented, creative, inspiring, giving, open, thoughtful to say the least. Making your acquaintance has been a wonderful occurance for me.
  • The Dancing Archer
  • - A recent find and certainly a well worth one.
  • Susan Abraham
  • - Su, you're an incredible writer and I look forward to reading your posts everyday. Your comments are always wise and insightful.
  • The Wandering Author
  • - Although I don't read this blog as often, it's still full of great stuff.
  • Post a Secret; Share a Secret
  • - All I can say is, check this blog out. Better yet, buy the books. This blog will definitely be of use and inspiration to you all.
  • More Than the Sum of My Parts
  • - Tiff, I happened up on yours by chance and you often provide information that I wouldn't ordinarily think about, which is great for making me see and think about things/life from another pov.
  • Miss(ed) Manners
  • - D, you're a freaking nut and that's what makes your blog such fun for me to read. Well, that and the fact that you reside in an area I'm completely familiar with.
  • The Mistress
  • - Girl, you are the damn truth! Your blog has expanded my sexual knowledge and your ability to be open and so vocal impresses me. You are someone I'd like to meet and hang out with one day.
  • The Fackin Truth
  • - H, just keep on doing what you're doing cause your blog gives it to me straight no chaser and with a little humor as a chaser from time to time. It's them darn kids!
  • Life in the Chocolate City
  • - Thanks for that sweet potato pie recipe; it's the damn truth. You ought to copyright it and sell it. That aside, the blog is extremely informative and G-Mo has a good side hustle going on if you ever need tix. Holla at dat boi!
  • JoJo Dancer
  • - JoJo, Little do you know that I'm a little scared of you, but in a good way. Your confidence, tenacity, and willingness to speak on issues I wouldn't have even given thought to gives me knowledge and awareness.
  • Black Blogs
  • - For allowing me to add my blogs to your site so more people can become aware of me.
  • JayHawk Fever
  • - Mom, your radiance shines through in so many ways and your strength as a mother inspires me and lets me know that things will be okay.
  • Woman On The Move
  • - For breaking it down in terms that a meaningful and for just being open on the way you look at things.
  • Fortress of Solitude
  • - Clark, for giving me reason to know that there really are superheroes out there.
  • Romantic Verses
  • - Sleek, you were another of the first blogs I began reading and I used to love to read the Hustler Diaries, but all those half naked women was a bit much for me, so I unfortunately quit you. But you came back to me and I love your new site. Can't wait for you to update it.
  • Everything In Its Right Place
  • - Iron, you are so missed. Your writing is incredible and I can't wait for you to return and grace me with your skills.
  • Glass Petal Roses
  • - Slump, you've written and continue to write some profound pieces and I enjoy stopping by your blog.
  • The Road to Redemption from Perdition
  • - Nique, you're a great writer and have so much potential,so please try to post more frequently.
  • The Copasetic Soul
  • - Copa, you exude such a beautiful energy and I always get a sense of tranquility when I visit you.

    Honorable mentions because I haven't added you to my current blog roll yet.

    Drum roll for the following:

    J.C - you are not a blogger but have been a reader since day one and you get mad props for that. BZ, t.c, chele, snakebite, wendy, jenellybean, tethabile, ncnaynay, organized noise, so...wise...sista, debo blue, rastaman, barb, kaleidescope, lyricallyspeaking and brutha buck.

    29 November 2006

    Life's blessings

    It's said, that when one door closes another opens and I am experiencing the benefits of that. Lately, moreso; since this summer, some very profound changes have occurred in my life and though at one point it seemed like they'd get the best of me; a way was made for me to get through it.

    While I struggled to deal with a long-standing painful issue in my life, I finally decided I needed to pen my thoughts/feelings to get it off my chest and let it go once and for all. As that door closed; another did open, but it was another trap door. I once again found myself struggling with an issue I had long suppressed that had decided to resurface. During that time, I was reunited with a dear college friend whom I'd lost contact with. As we talked to catch up and reminisce the issue sat on the forefront on my mind like oil on water. The issue came up in conversation between my friend and I and it was then that I realized my reunion was a part of the process to close that open trap door. I detailed the event that caused some hurt and confusion between us and my friend embraced me (emotionally) and let me know it was all good and that I could and should let it all go. My explanation helped not only him understand what really happened, but at the same time allowed me to finally lay it all to rest. Since that day, my friendship has amplified and you'd never think that we'd lost any time between us.

    That has not been the only blessing borne of doors opening and closing and as the title states, Life's Blessings are in full effect in my life. I've made some really good contacts and friends through Blogger and my ability to write and take my writing further has been amplified; especially at a time when I questioned my ability. My friends and I started our own company and we've made and are continuing to make some really good and reputable contacts along the way. We've had a few hurdles, but they've helped us see where we're deficient and those hurdles are now catalysts to become better.

    I recently received and accepted an offer to have one of my posts printed in an book which will be published and I've also accepted a writing endeavor with the very talented DBA Lehane. Please check him out when you have some time Short Short Fiction. Once complete, the story will be posted on our respective sites. Mine will be posted on my other blog The Saphyre Lounge.

    At a time when I thought my usual kind regard toward humanity seemed to be dissipating, my participation in my company's annual food drive, restored my compassion to its fullest and I feel ever blessed to have made such a simple difference in someone's life. They looked at me and the others who delivered food with such grateful eyes, but it is I who feels the gratitude toward them for never relenting in their faith and hope for good things to happen; as it truly opened a door within my heart that I was fighting to keep closed. Not out of disdain or disregard, but because so many abuse their plight and I'd had enough of seeing, reading, or hearing about it.

    I've said all of this to say, that the doors are there and they are waiting for you to walk through. Let go of your apprehension, fears, doubts, lack of faith, and allow the familiar doors to close in favor of new ones, as many of them were doing nothing but trapping you in a place you shouldn't be.

    Rest on these words and they will open and close the doors for you...

    "What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see." - Hebrews 11:1

    "Ask in faith, never doubting." - James 1:6

    Be blessed and be well.

    28 November 2006

    What's wrong with saying Christmas?

    As I walk around my work site, I see the signs advertising the various "Holiday Parties" that will be taking place in and out of the building. A coworker questioned the use of "Holiday" as opposed to "Christmas" and I questioned the same. What is wrong with saying Christmas? All of a sudden, it's "politically incorrect" to say Christmas. WTF? I have an issue with that. What bunch of assclown morons in Washington decided that we can't use the word Christmas? Is that not what the holiday is? Who was offended? The Jewish? The Muslims? The atheists? Who? I said, who? Each of the aforementioned, save for the atheists have their respective holidays of which they celebrate accordingly and the names of each aren't being changed, so why was Christmas a target of such blasphemy? I seriously would like an answer because I refuse to accept saying anything but Merry Christmas, Christmas break, or any other Christmas derived theme.

    All this so-called politically correct bullshit is just that; bullshit! They've changed so many things in the name of political correctness, but what the hell does politics have to do with any of it? I'm really more than sick and tired of some jacked up suit wearin, narrow lipped, sexually repressed, can't fight his way out of a wet paper bag, limp-dick, assclown telling me what the fuck I can and can't say. Last I checked there was Freedom of Speech, (though we know what a joke that shit is) so I should be able to say Christmas if I want to. What the hell would I sound like if I walked up to someone on CHRISTMAS Day and said, Merry Holiday for "fear" of offending them? You know what, if you are offended, so damn what! Suck it up sweetie and get over it. What are they gonna change next, Happy Birthday?

    With all the damn hoopla made of Halloween and Valentine's Day of which NIETHER is a friggin holiday, why the hell can't they just leave well enough alone? On a daily friggin basis we all say something that's not grammatically correctly, punctuated correctly, and so on; are we gonna start censoring appropriate speech next? I'm sorry, actually, I'm not; I'm going to keep saying Christmas. I'm going to continue to keep CHRIST in Christmas and not say Xmas. How is it that folk are offended when someone says, "Happy Turkey Day" and not Merry Christmas? That's because they're ignorant assholes who don't know shit from shortcake when it comes to things of real importance.

    The irony is that the same assclowns who came up with this politically correct bullshit are the same ones saying "Thank you Jesus!" or "Thank God!" They better recognize the real validity in what they're saing instead of misappropriating their speech. How can you say "Thank you Jesus" and NOT want to say Christmas? Now that's some real confusing shit right there.

    Is it just me or do you see some gaps in their thinking?

    27 November 2006

    Still Thankful

    As I contemplated this blog, I thought about all the things/people we gave thanks to and for last week. I wondered how many of those things/people we'd still be thankful for this week. I also thought about whether we'd still be giving of ourselves throughout the year and not just because it was Thanksgiving and Christmas is forthcoming.

    As the many thoughts traversed through my mind, I read one of my favorites blogs In Rememberance and learned that a good friend of hers had passed. We later spoke on the passing and the reality that many of us take for granted is that we are all dying. For my friends friend Trish, she was only 24 and had a 10 month old daughter. Yes, only 24 years old! Trish was terminally ill; however, I learned she lived her life fully in spite of. She relied upon her faith in God to always be her guide and to not succumb to the illness prematurely. As we spoke, we both acknowledged that each one of us is living on borrowed time. Trish had the forewarning of knowing just how much she might have, while we do not.

    I ask you all this, if you knew you only had a limited time to live, would it change how you live? Most of us will shout a resounding "yes" and that's where the problem begins. Why should it take the knowing of our demise to make us live better? It shouldn't. We all know that life is filled with ups and downs, but we can still find something to be grateful/thankful/mindful for. Life is not filled with one negative thing after another. We have to embrace the bad to appreciate the good, so on and so forth. Even if you aren't a church goer, I'm sure each of you have some beliefs and those beliefs in a higher power are what helps to guide and shape you. As my friend and I talked on, wee acknowledged a few Bible verses that have been a powerful source when all seemed dark. Romans 5:3, 4, 5 say the following:
    "...And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience:
    And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
    And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abrouad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us..."

    It is that kind of knowledge and guidance that we all need to adhere to. We're human and it's not easy to think past our immediate discomfort, but as it's said, "there is always someone worse off than you." In addition, I recall some of the lyrics to the song It's Gonna Rain, by Kelly Price
    "It will rain (Oh...ho...)
    There'll be pain (Only for a little while)
    Trouble will come (Yeah, they will)
    Understand (Ooh...)
    Count it on joy (You gotta count)
    Mornin' will come (After the rain)
    The sun will shine (Yeah, yeah)
    Keep your head high (Mmm, uh-huh)"

    If we indulge ourselves with good energy, surround ourselves with good people, and keep a higher power in our lives, we can overcome much, appreciate everything, and live better lives. I do recognize it's all easier said than done, but sometimes you've got to do the hard things in life. If everything was a "gimme" we'd still find something to complain about because we'd want for more and more. I later read this blogger's (she suffers with depression) thoughts on the joys in her life and was again reminded how fortunate we are. In All Things Joy.

    Each day is a constant reminder that we're blessed to see the day. We have to be thankful each and every day because people like Trish who only lived 24 years will never see her daughter grow and she'll never know what her life would have become, but she lived the life she had with joy and thanksgiving regardless. We are the ones living death's watch and maybe if we keep that in mind, we'd actually have more fulfilling lives instead of complaining about what we don't have, what we want, and so on.

    I know this post might be a buzz kill, but it is what it is...the truth.

    P.S...I wanted to thank all of you who posted last week. I unfortunately didn't have the time to go back and acknowledge comments, but please don't think I didn't read or appreciate those left. Without you all, my blog would be nothing. I appreciate the time each of you take out of your day to read and comment.

    21 November 2006

    With Thanksgiving

    Massah n'em had me busy ALL weekend. As I mentioned in Thursday's post, it was a duty weekend right before the damn holiday. Of course the timing couldn't have been any worse cause now I'm running around doing last minute stuff instead of being able to enjoy what minimal time I have before the Thanksgiving festivities. All that drama aside, I'm alive and well and want to share a story with you, so we can truly know, enjoy, and appreciate what we have.

    My company does an annual food drive for families in need of which I joyfully participate in. Yesterday as we prepared the boxes for the families, a sense of serentiy filled my heart as I appreciated what I was doing. Giving of myself to others without thought, without wanting in return, and knowing that a part of me would be with them on Thanksgiving and beyond. It just felt right and good. There was one family that touched me deeply. They were a family of 13 all living under one roof as the mother took in her children in due to their respective loss of homes. Each time the woman was contacted, she cried tears of joy for the compassion she was being shown. We decided to take their food to them that same day instead of the next (Tuesday) seeing as their need was great and they had the most things. We packed our vehicles and drove over to the house. The lady cried from the moment we arrived to the moment we left after giving each of us warm, thankful hugs. Tears filled my eyes as I choked them back to wish her a Happy Thanksgiving and to say God bless you. We informed her that we'd return today (Tuesday) to bring the remaining items, milk, eggs, butter, hotdogs and and a ham. The woman was so excited that she said, "hotdogs? You're gonna bring me hotdogs? Oh, I'll get to eat them for lunch tomorrow". Man, I can't even begin to tell you how those words pulled on my heart strings. This woman was excited about eating hotdogs; a food that repulses me and that I wouldn't eat if I was starving.

    After choking back even more tears, I got in my vehicle and left wondering if she eats on a daily basis. Here, most of us discard food like it's nothing, turn our noses up at things we "don't like", yet here's a woman who got excited over hot dogs and cried as she received boxes of food from the kindness of strangers. For the rest of the night, this woman laid heavy on my heart and I pray for her. I pray that her life will improve and that her children's plight will be lifted. I pray that this family will have more to live on and for as they receive the true joys of Thanksgiving.

    I implore each of you that reads this to give a little more of yourself not just for Thanksgiving, but always. Keep in mind that what we see as beneath us, is the only thing that some people will have. All in all, recognize your own thanksgivings, your own blessings, and your own good fortune because it was made abundantly clear to me yesterday that I have little to complain about, be sorrowful for, and ungrateful for. My prayer last night was for forgiveness for the simple complaints I may have made and to be grateful for everything, and I mean everything that I have. My sufferings may have been many, but my life is pretty good now and for all of that I need to always be ready to give something that I may pay forward the blessings in my life.

    I wish each and everyone of you a safe, joyful, happy, and safe Thanksgiving. May God's love and blessings be upon you all and may the goodness in your lives be appreciated.

    16 November 2006

    things on my mind

    I'm having a hard time blogging today as I have too many erratic thoughts competing in my head, so I came up with a compromise as to who wins...all of them.

    Thinking why %(#*%(&#( the training scheduler planned a duty weekend 18th & 19th and Thanksgiving is the 23rd

    Thinking about ALL the other things I should be doing instead of blogging

    Thinking that I want to perform a random act of violence just because

    Thinking why I want to perform a random act of violence

    Thinking about Gerald Levert being only 40 when he passed and I'm less than a year away from 40

    Thinking (knowing) I need a large amount of cash anonymously deposited into my account that I neither have to report or return

    Thinking about the gift certificate to the Spa that I'm anxious to use

    Thinking which service I should choose to have at the spa

    Thinking about the dumber than duck shit insurance adjuster I've been dealing with and why I didn't report her inefficiency

    Thinking about Thanksgiving

    Thinking about those less fortuante that I will be assisting by participating in my company's annual food drive and donation

    Thinking about some of the things I shouldn't say out loud cause it's TMI

    Thinking that those of you who've never visited my other blog; should

    Thinking that this is enough thinking and I'm gone.

    15 November 2006

    separated at birth

    Now I know it's not nice to call someone ugly because everyone is beautiful to someone; in addition, beauty is in the eye of the beholder right? But I'm sorry, there are some people who are just "butt" as lil lady would say and Flavor Flav is one of them. My girl L:Boogie sent me an email this morning with the following picutres in it and you know you can't deny the truth.

    Please tell me if there is NOT a striking resemblence between the two and if they could not have been separated at birth. I mean damn, how uncanny is it? I was seriously cracking the eff up when I saw the two.

    I thought I'd give you something to amuse you this hump day...hope I've achieved just that.

    13 November 2006

    he say; she say; we say; they say

    Okay, so we all know and have been taught that we shouldn't tattle tale, gossip, back stab, and all that other happy stuff, so why do we keep doing it? This is not one of those things you learn when you become an adult. Hell, you're practically taught that out of the womb. Now, I accept that certain things are just going to happen and we're all gonna get caught up or caught out there, but when do you realize that you need to stop playing games and woman/man up? I see it like this, if you think you're grown enough to repeat something someone said, possibly take it out of context, or not disclaim it with "in my opinion", then why open your damn mouth in the first place? Don't we learn this lesson in like grade school?

    In order to protect certain people, there are occasions when you might have to protect their identity. That being the case, then give said person a ficticious name. It makes the story easier to follow and it makes the story more credible if they aren't referred to in the third person. I know someone who constantly told stories of "they" and I finally had enough and asked her to qualify her story with a name; it's not like I really know who the hell she was talking about anyway.

    That aside, my issue is with those who take and repeat things out of context to a another party and then leave the person with whom they were initially speaking holding the bag as if he/she was the perpetrator. The hell is up with that? If you were (or thought you were) grown enough to inquire, participate, and then repeat (even out of context or with no disclaimer), then you need to own up to it if confronted. Hell, if necessary, all parties need to hash it out and you'll soon find out who told the truth and who didn't cause all of a sudden, folks attitudes start to shift. The one seeking the truth will be calm, have their facts in order, and speak without being offensive. The perp will start catching attitude and getting all defensive and the story may change a time or two. The listening party will also get defensive and then clam up cause s/he realizes that s/he jumped to the wrong conclusions and was being accusitory for no reason.

    People will be people I understand that, but there does come a time when we all have to face the music, so why not be the party who's played by the book and has nothing to hide. Acknowledge the fact that mutual friendships don't always have to include all parties in all conversations. And when party "A" is speaking with party "B"; neither party "A" or "B" has to go back to party "C" and say anything. Recognize that you're not always being "helpful" by involving all; especially when there was no cause for repeating anything anyway.

    Never ever forgot there are 3 sides to every story, his, hers, and the truth; it's best to always be on the truth side of the story. A lie is a script you have to repeat over and over again to remember and repeat while the truth is always constant and requires no preparation. And in closing, friends don't play gossip and intermediate if there's no fear of a lie being found out.

    Is it just me or is that a common sense little lesson from life's handbook?!

    09 November 2006


    Yesterday my heart broke for the umpteenth time, but this heart break was by far one of the worst ever. The question posed to the children was, "what kind of role model do you think your father is?" The response of one child was, "I don't!" There was no hesitation; no pause; no room for doubt. Those two words tore into the core of me sharper than a Chinese chef with a Ginsu knife. How do you look into the face of a child and try to find words to make them feel better when they know that the man they're supposed to look up to; the man who is supposed to be their guide; the man who is supposed to be the cement they walk on for firm foundation isn't any of those things?

    As a mother, godmother, aunt, and role model, I strive to do the best I can to set a good image for the children I'm around. I know I'm far from perfect and I know I don't and won't have all the answers, but hell, I can at least say, "I try". If nothing else, I try to be the best I can be for any child I have a relationship with. I want that child to know that I'm trustworthy, I'll keep my word/promise, and I'll do what I can to lead by example. Adults have a way of both inspiring and hurting children and I insist on being the former because I know first hand what it's like to not have good role models or positive influences. Hell, even if I had the greatness of good adults in my life, I would still want to be a good influence on a child. It's to the benefit of the adult and the child to form a bond that says, I can and will make a difference.

    I digress to my opening paragraph. Does said parent not know or even give a damn that he's setting his kid up for failure by not providing her basic needs? Does said parent not think his role in his childs life is important for how she'll view and accept men in her life? Is said parent so caught up in his own selfish existence that nothing really matters other than keeping a roof over her head, buying some clothes, and whatever else?

    Again, it hurts my heart as a parent to know children have to suffer like this. It hurts when the child knows that their parent is lacking what it takes for them to even look at their parent with the love, trust, and respect that shoud be inate to them. Damn! One would think that in this day and age where we see so many children suffering, that those of use who are parents or have some role in a childs life would be more compassionate and selfless. But I guess that's simply wishful thinking of my part.

    I know I can't save all the kids, but I'll continue to be the best positive influence I can be and hope that others will step up and do their part too. We can't condemn kids if we're not arming them with the tools, support, love, and resources they'll need to grow.

    08 November 2006

    Effective Speach

    There is infinitely more to be gained through cooperation than through confrontation. -- Ralph Marston

    As I digest upon those words, I recall the many times I’ve blacked out due to something not going my way or by the lack of customer service by a so-called customer service rep. It is in fact out of character for me to act that way, as I truly dislike confrontation and discord. Fortunately for me, I’ve grown enough to know how to properly articulate my thoughts combined with the right choice of words to effectively, yet politely tell someone off. I find myself amused by how powerful doing that is. I’m not looked at like some raving loon who has nothing better to do than to draw unnecessary attention to herself, I’m looked at with respect and sensibility. Whatever that person is really thinking inside is anyone’s guess, but knowing that I’ve proved or made my point without embarrassing myself serves me well. I’ve been told you get more with sugar than salt anyway.

    Almost a year ago, I had an incident with a car dealership where I was misled and given a vehicle that was not what I wanted. I promptly made my dissatisfaction with the salesperson known and referred to the “powers that be” from that point on to rectify the situation. After being the run around, I used my effective speaking and writing abilities to report my growing disdain with the situation and requested a prompt resolution. Their attempts of pacifying me were futile because their words and actions were not in compliance with how they claim they do business. I continued to report my growing frustration via phone and email hoping to resolve the matter. Again, things did not go as they said, so I did what I’m good at. I showed up, put on my game face and in less that 500 words told them what they could do for me and how. Within a week I had what I was supposed to get and then some. Naturally, I was met with some resistance; however, they could not break me. I continued on my mission until fully satisfied and won the battle and the war. Just as the power of the pen is mightier than the sword, so is the power of a sugared tongue tainted with salt. (I just made that up…lol)

    Seriously though, think about the negative situations you’re in and then think of how you can get what you want out of it without blowing your top. You’ll find yourself successful in making your point and commanding the respect you probably deserved in the first place. Also, check out Can We Just Calm Down for a poetic take on the subject.

    07 November 2006

    The Active Participant

    "Engage yourself fully in the details of living, and with each day you add value to your life that cannot be taken away. Be an active, enthusiastic participant in this day, and you'll come away from it with real, lasting treasure." -- Ralph Marston

    Ever have days when you wonder where the hell time went and/or what you've done with your life? Of course you have; we all have. I have gaps in my life which I can't and don't recall and there have been moments where I wonder who was at the wheel. I realize now that I relinquished control to the wrong things and sometimes the wrong people. That revelation is startling because it shows that we're all so easily misled, misguided, and misunderstood when we aren't clear about what our intentions are for ourselves or for/with others. So, often when we realize we've been back seat drivers in our cars of life, and those we let at the wheel were in some ways drunk drivers. Granted, there are times when we need to relinquish control and allow others to lead while we're trying to figure things out, but there does come a time when we have to stop and take control. We can't and shouldn't allow ourselves to squander our lives away.

    In speaking with lil sis on Sunday, she told me of her soon to be 26 year old friend who is currently pregnant with her 4th child. Said girl has only a high school education, a part time job, an unemployed husband, and her 3rd child has cerebal palsy; a bit much for a girl I'd say. Lil sis and I discussed how this girl has no prospects of a better life, probably will not be able to provide a better life for her children, and basically will only have children to show for her existence. Though I partly wanted to feel bad for the girl, I found that I couldn't. She has chosen the life she currently has and her complains are pretty warrantless as she's made the proverbial bed she's laying in. We predict that years from now, she'll look back and wonder where it all went and what does she have to show for herself. As they say, "with age comes wisdom", so this we're hoping that she'll stop having kids and try to do what she can with what she has for herself and her family. We also hope that her husband will step up to the plate and get a job.

    Back to my initial and basic point though...We all need to be active participants in our lives. We can't and shouldn't sit around complacent and placing blame on why we're in the predicaments we're in. It's all so easy to say it's society's fault for this or that; blame our parents; blame our education (sometimes lack thereof); we simply need to start being active. Get off our asses and do something; anything is better than nothing. Look beyond material things to define you. Look beyond whether you're the perfect height, size, or weight. Find wealth in knowledge, integrity, and excelling at whatever it is you're good out. Lead; however, follow when necessary. There are so many ways to be active...what's yours?

    03 November 2006

    Open your (&%)#*% mouth

    DISCLAIMER: I'm angry. Not just your average garden variety type of anger, but that full-fledged, I'd like to slap the taste outchat mouth type angry; so if you're not up for having your Friday skunked, stop reading now.

    Okay, I finally got to read I Don't Wanna Play Either and I swear Jus and I are truly kinnected (her word for our relationship) because her post is complimentary to my thoughts right now. I'm so fucking sick and tired of people who can't say what the fuck is truly on their mind. No, I'm not talking about being quiet to be politically correct; I'm talking about people who send mixed fucking messages, use crptic speech, or say nothing at all. Will someone please tell me what the fuck is up with that? I know IT IS NOT JUST ME? Jus's blog and the one she referred to in her blog obviously support my thinking/quesion. In another post by Jus Indiscriminate Thoughts posted yessterday one of her "How comes?" asked, "How come I hate when people try to spit slick shit in code or using cryptic language instead of just saying what the fuck they want to say?" This form of "speech" is insulting, juvenile, frustrating, as well as down right fucking cruel. People's feelings are at stake and the mutha fucka toy's with them. People who do this are spineless and deserve to be fucking shot.

    I won't sit here and act like the morality police and say I've never sent mixed messages, but when called on it as I had been, I spoke up. I digressed into incessant apologies and thoroughly explained my shortcomings. I can not and will not intentionally send mixed messages especially when the receiving party has been forthcoming.

    The most insulting part of this kind of bullshit communication is that the offending party will act as if he/she has done nothing wrong. WTF? Yeah, right, like the receiving party is sitting around asking to be fucking shit on. I doubt that highly. In the case that has be partly so worked up, I know it's the offending party that's causing all the heartache. The receiver has decided to digress, but was met with resistence and now that she wants to know where she stands, she's being given the run around. Age and experience is telling me to let it go and not take it so personally, but when I see what the receiving party is going through and knowing that said person has done NOTHING BUT BE KIND, SUPPORTIVE, AND NICE, I'm sorry I can't. This is the kind of shit that makes me wanna roll up on offender and be like, "you know, you're a fuck up right?" But of course I can't do that as it's truly not my place, but politeness be damned, I really want to. Again, I digress and recognize that I need to continue to be a friend to the receiver of the bullshit treatment and guide her as best I can. I'm a ride or die type friend and that's why I'm all worked up.

    I recognize and realize that with age comes wisdom and I'll cut the offender a little, and I do mean a little slack, cause they're young; however, that doesn't take away the fact that human kindness can be extended at any age especially when you're above 18 and have had a little relationship experience under your belt. And folk wonder why I'm still fucking single. A chick like me has no time for the drama.

    I'm now a little calmer than how I started, but I know this is temporary. Seeing the hurt and pain in my friend's eyes later is going to kill me and I'll have to restrain "Annie" (alter ego) from wanting to black the fuck out and holla at the dumbass for their inability to keep it real.

    Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed weekend and in closing I ask you all to think about the words that leave your mouth when you speak. Always strive to "Say what you mean, and mean what you say."

    02 November 2006

    Not your average thankful Thursday

    As I stated on Monday, themed weeks are stressful for me and there was the possibility that I may change at any time. Well, today is that day. Two weeks of themes was more than I could bare and I have other things on my mind anyway.

    As we approach Thanksgiving, I reflect on the many things I am thankful for. I actually do it almost daily for as we know nothing is promised. Yesterday a coworker received a call at work that her brother was killed. As she fell to the floor and cried hysterically, I was again reminded that nothing is promised and we should find something to be thankful for regardless. No, we may not have the money we want, the expansive home, blah, blah, blah, but shit; there IS ALWAYS something to be grateful and/or thankful for.

    I think about the service members who have fought and died over the past 2-3 years fighting a war that many of us are still trying to make sense of. Many of these service members were in their prime; just getting into the swing of life and it was cut short. They'll be another notch in Death Tolls belt and then a forgotten memory save for their families and friends. Casualities of war is what the powers to be will see them as. Their SGLI (Service Members Life Insurance) will pay out, but I'm sure the surviving relatives would prefer the person and not the money. I also think about the servicemembers that return home and have nothing. Their homes are gone, the lives they previously had are gone; along with limbs and sound mental accuities. I'm thankful that I fortunately never got called to such a duty and that my 20 years of service will soon come to an end. The time I've spent in the military has served me well, but I can't do it anymore. I'll thank Uncle Sam and swiftly keep it moving.

    For the shit I've endured in life by the hands of others and in some cases by fault of my own, I am truly thankful for the life I have. I realized that life is beautiful; life is a struggle; life is a beautiful struggle. No matter how hard I think I have it, there is someone somewhere worse off than me. I need to embrace the bad to enjoy the good. The Divine has given me that strength and I will not offend Him by being unnecessarily weak. As a dear friend said during a time of personal issues, "Hallelujah anyway!" I also know that "...no weapon formed against me shall prosper..." I know this to be true and for that I'm thankful.

    There are many things I could go on and on about, but I know you feel me. I know we have times and days when all we want to do is bitch and gripe and I'm not saying you shouldn't. Hell, that would make us perfect if we didn't and we all know we're certainly not perfect. However, after the bitching/griping is over and after you've R.S.V.P'd to your pity party, look around you and find something and/or someone to be thankful for. Know that you probably didn't get where you are in life alone. Not just for this thankful/holiday season, but for everyday, please find ways to be thankful, find ways to be kind, and find ways to pay it forward.

    I know it's not just me, so what/who are you thankful for today?

    01 November 2006

    Why Wednesday

    So far so good with me not quitting the themed week, but I do still have two more days to go. Well, here's my thoughts for today...

    …why do I want to continue the mischief I mentioned in Monday’s post?

    …why do I want to give in to a temptation from Tuesday’s post?

    …why does anyone (politicians) who’s last name end in (R) really piss me off?

    …why does the prospect of a black and/or female president sound so promising, yet a part of me knows come ’08 it may NOT happen?

    …why isn’t it November 7th so all this political bullshit will be over?

    …why do I wish I was on a private jet heading to somewhere tropical?

    …why do I not disagree with this comment..."Being a citizen in George W. Bush's America is like being a passenger in a care driven by a drunk driver"?

    …why am I having enormous mood swings?

    …why am I ignoring there’s probably a reason for it?

    ...why am I still wondering why A.I (Allen Iverson) looked like he was on Lithium when my friends and I on Saturday at the 40/40 Club in A.C?

    ...why do I wish I could have slapped the taste out of the mouth of a coworker who got loud and indignant with me yesterday as I was leaving work? (yes, I did promptly read her ass)

    ...why did the following bloggers jus.b.fli,
    Lovers Anonymous, and
    The Dancing Archer post erotic stuff that I read too damned early in the morning leaving me to sigh and well...I'm just happy I'm not a guy

    What's your "why?" today?

    31 October 2006

    Temptation Tuesday

    A list of things/thoughts we’ve all had at one point. The confidentiality clause is in effect.

    …exact some form of revenge on an ex for no other reason cause you want to

    …give in to that booty call

    …make a booty call

    …do something that is completely opposite to how people see you

    …do something wild/crazy out of town because you’re out of town and no one will know

    …give in the your biggest temptation

    …cheat because you know you can get away with it

    …call in sick knowing you just want the day off

    …push up on someone just to see if you’ve still got “it”

    …steal something

    …change the price on something in the store

    What’s your temptation today?

    30 October 2006

    Mischief Monday

    DISCLAIMER - After succombing to peer pressure, I've decided I'd try another themed week. It's a hard task for me because thinking of unique themes stresses me, so if I change midstream, it's because I can't handle the pressure.

    As some of you know, I'm at the top end of my 30s which means I should be a little more mature and congnizent of proper decorum. While I typically do behave accordingly, sometimes the little bad kid in me wants to come out and play and she made her presence known on Friday. Since then, a series of michievous thoughts have crossed my mind and I'll share them with you.

    ...burst the inflated pumpkin on someone's front lawn

    ...find a way to cut the power to an invisible fence to see if the dog would make a break for it

    ...crank call people posing as a bill collector or some other annoying person

    ...call the chinese restaurant and order Genital Chicken (General Chicken) and a Poo-Poo platter and ask if it has poop in it

    ...put saran wrap across a toilet and wait for someone to use it

    ...put tape on key holes

    ...create phony email addys and play tricks on friends to see what they'll say about the email
    (no, I'm not responsible for any such emails you might receive)

    ...call a store and ask for a product is not on sale, but is at their competitors and then berate them for not having it on sale

    ...drive slow in the fast lane to pay back someone who's done it to me

    ...play some real hood music in a white neighborhood and some crazy rock music in the hood

    ...leave an anonymous seductive message on a stranger's voicemail

    ...giving in to any errant behavior that comes over me while in public

    What does your inner child want to do?

    27 October 2006

    Fantasy/Freaky Friday

    The final installment in my themed posts. Today's is a collection of fantasies and freaky things I’ve heard of or done. Unless you know me personally, you will not know which one relates to me. It’s better that way; gotta protect the innocent and the guilty.

    …getting laid on a GYN’s table, by a stud muffin of a doctor

    …doing it in an emergency service vehicle i.e., an ambulance, a patrol car, or a fire truck

    …being fondled during a seminar

    …doing it in a store’s fitting room

    …skinny dipping in broad daylight

    ...masturbated while driving

    ...masturbated at work

    ...masturbated in front of partner, then fell asleep

    …doing it at the job after hours

    …having someone go down while driving a MANUAL transmission car

    …role playing (she acts like a he and he like she)

    ...anonymous sex

    ...multiple partners (why won't that one ever die?)

    ...doing it in a church (WT???)

    ...same sex

    ...in same room while child was sleeping

    ...being submissive

    ...in any public place

    ...in parents car while they were in the house

    ...with a MILF or DILF

    ...in a club while dancing

    ...in a bar while sitting on bf's lap

    Okay, I'm sure that's more than enough to share. Remember I shall not name names. Confidentiality agreemments have been signed and lawd knows I can't afford to lose the little bit I got.

    Have a great weekend and don't hold me liable for any mischief you might find yourself in as a result of reading this.

    26 October 2006

    Throwback Thursday

    Seeing as most of my readers are "grown", I think y'all can appreciate today's post.

    Ever wish we could go back in time to a period where things were a little less hectic and more enjoyable? Yeah, me too, so here's my list of throwbacks I'm feeling.

    ...house parties where the guests didn't come empty handed

    ...where said guests would stay and help clean up afterward

    ...real music that was worth listening/dancing to

    ...music videos that actually went with the song

    ...neighbors that you knew and could trust

    ...kids respecting their elders

    ...the "village" that raised a child

    ...home cooked meals and eating out was a treat

    ...parents who attended their childrens games without becoming belligerent/violent

    ...parents/grandparents that acted their title and not their kids best friends

    ...going to church as a FAMILY

    ...wearing your Sunday Best

    ...where the parent of a child born out of wedlock was not referred to as "my baby daddy/mama"

    ...where having children from multiple men/women was NOT something to be proud

    ...Sunday dinners

    ...Friday fish fry's

    ...kids didn't carry guns, knives, bombs to school

    ...corner stores in neighborhoods where you could get "credit" til payday

    ...homemade birthday cakes

    What's your throwback?

    25 October 2006

    Wired Wednesday

    I guess I'm on a roll with these day of the week themed posts...

    Ever have your headphones to the point that you completely block everything and everyone out? Even more than that, you’re so into what you’re listening to that you’re singing out loud and not realizing just how loud you are? Well, that’s been me today. I’ve had coworkers come over and say, “hey, I didn’t know you could sing.” Or, “you’re humming really loud.” To them I say, “well, now you do,” or “oh really? Oh, okay.” And kept on about my business temporarily upset over the intrusion, then return to my iPod and jam away.

    At one point, I got so into the music that I was bouncing in my seat and someone stopped, backed up, and started mocking me. Lucky for them, I liked them and let it slide. Had it been someone I didn’t like, I’da said, “hata”, laughed and again, go on about my business. I know folk look at me sometimes like WTF?

    On the real, I don’t give a rat’s ass cause I sit in my cube minding business having to deal with all the bullshit and drama around me, so if I decide to get a little vocal once in a while, then so be it. At least my singing or humming is less offensive. Hey, I see the faces of doubt. While I’m not Mariah, my vocals are pretty decent; I can hold a tune.

    And for the inquiring minds, I’m listening to John Legend’s new CD
    Once Again and if you don’t have it, I suggest you get your butts to the store
    to get it. And for those who are a little dusty in the pockets, see if one of your peeps will burn you a copy of theirs. For the ladies, he’s looking kinda good, so you might want to purchase your own copy cause he’s got some good pix in the insert in addition to the lyrics. Gotta love that so you’re not singing the wrong things. (lol)

    Well, that’s all from me today. Massah an n’em got me pickin hard today, so I gotta get back to the fields.

    24 October 2006

    Terrific Tuesday

    A collection of thoughts I came to embrace as the day progressed

    It's Terrific Tuesday because

    ...I slept well last night and woke up blessed and refreshed

    ...jus.b.fli wrote an amazing poem ...Between Us (for Clark) and posted it on her site

    ...I embrace the notion that everyone needs a "Superhero"

    ...I bought the new John Legend CD and love it

    ...although my future godchild wouldn't show its "business" on the ultra sound, we know that s/he is healthy and strong (still praying for a girl)

    ...had a talk with my best friend and she's in a good place right now

    ...feel better knowing that someone with whom I've hurt doesn't hold it against me and knows it wasn't intentional

    ...those whom I'm close to know I love them very much even when I don't always say it

    ...I still haven't apologized to my coworker because I still know it won't be sincere

    ...received a call from a friend who just wanted to say "hi"

    ...there are new readers on my site

    ...I found a killer poem that I wrote and had forgotten about, but am currently updating for a future post on my other page The Saphyre Lounge

    ...when one door closes another one opens and often with more favorable results

    ...for all the wonders yet to occur today

    ...for all the e-hugs I'm sending into the universe

    23 October 2006

    Monday Musings

    This post is a collection of various musings.

    Thinking of white men who are on my "they could get it list"
    ...Jon. B (singer/songwriter)
    ...Joshua Morrow (actor Young & the Restless)
    ...Robin Thicke (singer/songwriter)
    ...Jason Statham (actor)

    Black men on my "they could get it list"
    ...Maxwell (singer/songwriter)
    ...Morris Chestnut (actor)
    ...Michael Jai White (actor)
    ...Idris Elba (actor/DJ...betcha didn't know the latter)
    ...Reggie Bush (NFL)

    Wondering why I can't be somewhere other than on the plantation right now doing something I really want to do?

    Wondering with what sincerity I'm going to apologize to a coworker for "hurting his feelings and embarassing him".

    Thinking about the two Jack and Cokes I had on Saturday that almost caused me to do bad things to a good body.

    Those CFMs I want but can't currently get because I'm not fully recovered from my foot surgery (damn, damn, damn!)
    myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics
    Anxiously awaiting word from a sponsor so we can pull off one hella party in Dec. (y'all are invited when (being optimistic) we get the confirmation)

    Wondering how a sick friend is feeling.

    Strolling down memory lane for no real good reason other than it's making me laugh to do it.

    Thinking about the crazy conversation I had this morning with "Edie".
    myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics
    Wishing I was in London right now drinking tea and eating biscuits with my favorite aunt.

    Already thinking about Thanksgiving dinner. (who wants to help wash/cut greens???)

    Trying to gather enough Monopoly money to "bribe" someone into behaving.

    Deciding to end now because I realize that I currently have entirely too much free time on my hands and should probably find something constructive to do other than blog.

    19 October 2006

    Negatives & Positives

    In reading posts by jus.b.fli, Nikki, and a few others whom post blogs about being grateful, I chose to post one also. No, not because I'm a copy cat, but because I like the idea. My post will be a combination of things I'm thankful for and the negatives that later became positives in my life. Here goes...

    I'm grateful for

    ...The Divine and His presence in my life

    ...sometimes taking chances even when I don't want to

    ...for the new venture the best girls a girl can have and I are taking on

    ...being a positive influence on people around me even then I personally think I could be hurting them by being honest

    ...for being given and voice/talent and using it wisely

    ...for using my down time constructively even though someone thinks I' m a PROUD slacker

    ...for the readers who take the time to read and comment to my blogs

    ...for allowing myself to grow and for dropping the self-deprecation

    ...for taking some bricks out of the wall I've built over the years

    ...for newly formed bonds

    ...for being as old as I am and looking and feeling the best I've ever been

    ...for embracing my age and looking forward to my next milestone birthday

    ...for the new baby due in March that I will be the Godmother of (pray it's a girl)

    ...for the twins I'm already the proud auntie of

    ...for Lil Lady cause even though she drives me crazy at times, is the best daughter a mother can have

    ...for the tears I currently feel welling in my eyes because I feel so overwhelmed with joy right now

    The negatives that became positives...

    ...the shit I endured growing up that made me stronger and more resilient

    ...those who called me everything but the child of God cause I'm now beautiful inside and out

    ...those who said I'd only have a job and never a career; I have a career and then some

    ...the loves that broke my heart; miss me now don'tcha!

    ...the car accident that was supposed to kill me, but The Divine intervened and I'm still here

    ...decisions I made that seemed wrong at the time...the memories linger, but I did the RIGHT thing

    ...for not getting into the college of my choice, but for the wonderful experience I had at my alma mata and for the great friends I made and still have to this day

    ...the so-called e-friend who turned out to be an obsessive psycho cause he showed me I was too trusting and let my guard down at the wrong time in my life and it also showed that I have a caring heart and always try to find the good in people

    ...any negative unnamed that has turned into a positive whether I know it or not

    18 October 2006

    Wierd thoughts Wednesday

    I had no idea what I wanted to blog about today and then this hit me.

    I know it isn't just me who does this, but I wanted to through some wierd thoughts out there that have recently (and not so recently) gone through my head.

    Ever wonder why the black people in soap opera's have no black friends? Is the budget that small that they can only have a limited number of black actors in the story?

    Ever wish you could write the script from a more everyday point of view? That would be some soap opera!

    Ever look at someone at a couple and think, "they must be a disgusting couple in the bedroom."

    Ever look at your coworkers and think, if you're this much of a dick/bitch here, I wonder what you're like at home?

    Ever wish you could go out and mute someone's speakerphone because you know they don't need to conduct every call via speaker?

    Ever wish you could go to the loud cowoker and say, "can you please just shut the fuck up?"

    Ever wonder what people are listening in their cars when they pass you and they're singing or bobbing their heads?

    Ever look at someone and think, "did you even look in the mirror when you got dressed today?"

    Ever just wanna slap the shit out of that kid who obviously has no hometraining?

    Ever been tempted to pull the pants down of the kid with his jeans hanging off his ass?

    Ever want to offer the teen girl with her pilsbury roll that she needs a longer shirt?

    Okay, I'm gonna quit here cause I'm finding more and more things to question. Care to share your wierd thoughts?

    17 October 2006


    Men – Do you routinely practice acts of chivalry (I’m defining it as, doing things for woman that could have been taught in “charm” school or that are considered old school/traditional behavior)? Do you have a problem opening doors, being prompt, allowing the woman to go first; things of that nature?

    Women – Do you routinely accept or expect this kind of behavior? Are you willing to allow the man to lead, to do kind things without thinking he has an agenda, and would you reciprocate in kind?

    Why am I asking this? Well, as a strong, independent, and assertive woman, I still appreciate and sometimes expect those traditional/chivalrous values. I carry myself in a ladylike manner and expect to be treated as such. I enjoy feeling like and being treated like a lady. I still hold an appreciation for the traditional values that don’t seem to be taught in our homes and society these days. How can be expect our children to know how to act if they’re not taught?

    In speaking with a man who not only routinely, but proudly treats women in a polite and respectable fashion, he advised me that some women do not like it or understand it. I looked at him like, “are you serious?” In a day and age where women are often complaining there are no real men still in the world, here one is and he’s being under appreciated. He said, there was an occasion where he took a woman to a formal function and she didn’t know how to use the various utensils. On another occasion he said, the woman he was out with asked him what he wanted/expected because he was treating her in such a nice way. Can you believe such a thing? I thought it was a shame that a woman would even think like that. But I guess it’s the times we live in where everything comes with a price.

    Personally, a man who opens/holds doors, escorts me under an umbrella, had good table manners, engages in good and interactive conversation is wonderful. No, it’s not about dating or sex, it’s simply about being polite and respectable. As ladies, we should learn to accept and appreciate that there are men who still uphold these values and show him that we enjoy it. Remember it’s the simple things that carry the most weight. My brothers, please learn these things if you haven’t already and my sisters, allow a man to lead and show him you are thankful that he’s treating you like a lady and not like a bitch or ho.

    16 October 2006

    Sexual practices

    Question: Why is it that because a woman has or wants sex toys it's because she has a poor sex life and/or she isn't fulfilled?

    Whilte listening to the Michael Baisden show, the topic was Swinging Couples. Though I’m not into it as a sexual practice, I won’t knock others who do. They’re grown and in charge of whatever they decide as a couple, so who I am to say what they’re doing is wrong or a hazard to their relationship. I say, “do you; cause I’m gonna do me!”

    Naturally, there are always those who have to throw stones, quote the Bible, and give their overzealous opinion on someone else’s lifestyle. They detracted from the subject for a while and began discussing women and sex toys. There were many females callers who said they have them and use them proudly. There were a few callers who said they don’t, but were curious, and there were others who said they’d never use them, as they are unnecessary. This one caller caught my ear. She ranted and raved about how if a woman needs to use a sex toy, she has an unfulfilling sex life and or her partner can’t satisfy her. Oh, you know I was all it at that point, but first let me direct your attention to one of my favorite blogs; The Mistress Lounge. Now this is a woman who is all about her game. The Mistress is a keep-it-real-no-holds-barred woman secure in herself, her sexuality, and her sexual prowess. I wish I could have called the show and told the OZC (overzealous caller) to defer to that site. In addition, The Mistress has a post Field Trip, in which she details her recent trip to a sex toy store. (An interesting read to say the least).

    Anyway, back to the topic at hand. So, OZC is blabbing away about sex toys and their inefficiency when she was asked why she never used one. She said that she found no need for them and that is why there are men. The rest of the conversation went as follows (not exactly verbatim, but close)

    Caller: OZC has every sexual experience she had was good?
    OZC: No!
    Caller: Ever been celibate; masturbated; or had an orgasm?
    OZC: (offended): Don’t see the relevance of the questions.
    Caller: Well, then you can’t see the reason why some women like sex toys, so stop making dictations on those who do. Using them (sex toys) doesn’t make women deviants. It allows them freedom of a (in some cases) one sided sexual experience of which they control.
    OZC: But you’re excluding or substituting men.
    Caller (laughing): No, it gives me what I want, when I want it. In addition, my HUSBAND bought me my first one and it’s for when I want to use it or when we want to add something extra to the experience.

    They go back and forth for a few; then OZC huffs and puffs and then is let off the phone. Meanwhile I’m CTFU (cracking the fuck up) and wondering where these prudish women come from.

    I’m a firm believer that unless you’re into some truly deviant shit (children, animals, necrophilia, and some other unusual perversions), then sex is whatever you want it to be, with whomever you want it to be with. Sex toys are just that…TOYS! Do we knock folk for playing X-Box, PS2, or Scrabble? Survey says no. So, I think sex toys are no exception.

    *Note, this was supposed be post on Friday and called Freaky Friday, but I was busy. Hope it's still good for a Monday post?!