31 October 2007


Why do people whine for good weather and then spend their time inside the house, the mall, or some other indoor place?

I saw an oversized (fat) man in a restaurant remove his shirt and sit there his undershirt while he ate...I was very disturbed.

How come people do not know that they're supposed to use a new plate each time they go up to the buffet?

On that same thought....how come people put their hands into the serving tray instead of using the provided utensils?

I'm listening to One Nation Under a Groove and having a hard time not getting up to dance.

I refuse to pay ATM fees, so I only utilize this one chain of convenience stores to get money or I use my Checkcard for everything.

How come I'm already compiling my receipts and such for tax season?

How come when you're sick or not feeling well, folk call you all the time and then tell you to get some rest?

I'm considering relinquishing my parental role for a little while.

If I could be rich off one trait, I think my personality would be the cause.

Never underestimate the power of love, the stupidity of hate, and the carelessness of indifference.

What is the purpose calling, texting, or emailing someone who wants nothing to do with you?

I've come to realize that men aren't as shallow as I used to think...the women seem to have that on smash anymore.

How come kids can't do the simple things, but always wanna do grown folk business?

30 October 2007


When taking new steps in life, you realize that the only path you can walk is your own. You can't follow the direction someone else wants for you because it's not your destiny. Knowing this and owning it can cause some malaise with others, but you must remain diligent and forge on your way.

One must truly be true to themselves and own whatever they know themselves to be. Living for someone else will only cause pain and contention as you're not being authentic and if you can't love yourself for whom you are, you can't expect to be loved in return. Well, at least not in the manner you feel you deserve. Life is about acceptance. It's about knowing someone's flaws and loving or liking them in spite of. We can love someone and not like them for something they've said or done, but at the end of the day, love should always prevail. Human compassion should allow us to see past our own selfishness or misgivings on a person on situation. Life as we know is short. Brushes with our mortality are only a breath away and who wants to live their life in a manner that's not conducive to their own happiness. We can not and will not get everything we want in life and we certainly can't appreciate something good if we've never experienced something bad. The trials in life surely become triumpths. We must remove the rose colored glasses and look at life with both eyes.

My heart if full dear ones. The proverbial fork in the road is trying to deter me, but I can not allow it to win. I must continue on and allow myself to see the forest for the trees, to take time to enjoy and appreciate the many splendors around me, and bottom line; I must simply just be me. I am only as weak as I allow myself to yeild. I am a beautiful child of God and He made no mistake in creating me. I keep His words close in mind where He leads, I will follow.

Proverbs 2:6-11

29 October 2007

Saving lives through early detection

This post is especially for the ladies; however, the men need to be aware of this too.

I'm sure many of you knew that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It meant that everywhere you turned there was something in pink being sold, little pink ribbons were being sold at checkout counters, and many were taking their friends and loved ones for mamograms. Breast cancer does not just affect those over 40; it can strike at any time; at any age. Through early detection, lives and in some cases breasts can be saved.

Yesterday, a former coworker, Rayne, and I participated in the Making Strides for Hope walk sponsored by the American Cancer Society to raise money and awareness for Breast Cancer funding and research. Each of us knew someone who has been affected by breast cancer; thus, making the walk even more meaningful. There were men, women, and children out on the Ocean City, NJ boardwalk early Sunday morning ready, willling, and able to partake in this great cause. No one is unaffected when someone is diagnosed with breast cancer; or any cancer.

Ladies, please take the time to do your monthly breast exams and men encourage your women to do it. It's been proven that men are sometimes the first to detect a lump due to foreplay, so there is an incentive for both women and men in doing the simple exam. Furthermore, we're all paying out the ass for healthcare, so we need to ensure that we're putting our insurance to good and thorough use. If you think something is wrong, chances are there is; so be dilligent in securing adequate care. We spend a lot of time, money, and energy into looking good, so we might as well make sure we're truly as good as we look on the outside.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month is almost over, but doesn't mean it's too late to get a mammogram. In addition, if someone in your family has been diagnosed or treated for it, go to the doctor just to make sure you're not linked. Even when there is no history, doesn't mean one is not at risk.

Be healthy and take care of yourselves!

26 October 2007

What da funk?

So, I'm at work yesterday and I walk past a coworkers desk and was assaulted by this awful smell. As I pass, I see this huge guy sitting there and the smell was permeating from him. We work in 8x8 cubes, so there's only but so much space within them. My poor coworker was sitting less than a foot from Stinky Dude. I asked my lead who S.D was and he told me and asked if I wanted to be introduced; "hell naw!" immediately left my lips and I walked away. I had to get back up and pass my coworkers desk again and thought I'd be spared from the offensive odor, but it again assualted me.

Now, my question is this...does S.D not know he smells? This is something I've always wondered when I've walked past people who smelled badly. I realize that one can get accustomed to their own sent, but come on, you can't tell that that smell is out of the ordinary? Do people who smell not have friends or family to tell them that they're not having the best hygiene moment? I really did want to say something to S.D, but what? how? I mean, I'd never even met him before so how could I? So many questions.

So, what would you do? If you smelled would you want someone to tell you? Do you think you'd be offended? I think I'd want to know. I think I'd want to know. I mean, if the person was pleasant in their approach and spoke kindly to me about my offense, I'm not sure I'd be offended. My friends tell me if an outfit looks a mess on me, or if my hair is having a issues, or if there's a booger in my nose; so why not tell me if I smell?

And the people say what?

25 October 2007

yes, i'm really black!

This might come as a surprise to some, but I’m black! Yes, visually, ethnically, and culturally black. Why am I telling you this? Well, it was brought to my attention that I’m not really black. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this; college was the first, but I’ve heard it off and on since then. Naturally, I was taken aback by that assessment and of course asked for clarification. The following is why I was/am perceived as not being really black.

I was born and raised in England. I moved hear when I was 15 and still have my accent. It may not be as strong in the conversational sense as it’s kind of hard to understand me on occasion, so I have to enunciate more; however, it’s still easy to detect the accent. That being said, it’s safe to assume I speak Standard English. In speaking with me on the phone, I can and have been perceived as being white because some people have a hard time realizing that blacks can and do speak without the use of Ebonics. Furthermore, there are those who still have a hard time understanding (then moreso than now) that there are blacks in England/Europe. That being said, I’m seen as aloof, bougie, or “less black” by the way I speak instead of being seen as educated, a good communicator, or just favorable to being clearly understood.

I have “White/European features”! That’s quite a newsflash to me because I’m of mixed heritage in the sense that my family is Jamaican, of Maroon (African) descent on my mother’s side with a mix of white, Arawak Indian, and Cuban. On my father’s side, I’m mixed with Arawak Indian, African, and maybe some white; the latter has never been confirmed. These races make me the person I am and my features are a result of all of them. I had no say in that fact that my nose is straight and not wide, but my paternal grandmother was part Indian; hence the feature. You get where I’m going with this.

I don’t dress black! Hmm? I had to really think about that one. I didn’t know there was such a thing for women. Brutha’s I know there is an unwritten dress code to some degree. *lol*. Anyway, in questioning this one, I was told that I wear “white branded” jeans, I don’t rock sneakers often, I wear clothes that are my size appropriate, and I style my hair in a “white” way. I found myself laughing hysterically considering, I see MANY black women with platinum blonde hair. Hmm? This perception of me really made me laugh because I’ve always dressed in a manner that suited both me alone and my personality. I don’t like trendy clothes and tend not to follow style, but rather set them. Again, I wasn’t aware that the way one dresses and the designers chosen were indicative or race.

I listen to ALL kinds of music. I listen to music for the beat yes; however, it’s the lyrical content that truly means something to me and I will listen to whatever suits me and my moods based on that. Music that calls me out my name, is misogynistic, promotes violence, trivializes and demeans sex and intimacy as something other than a beautiful experience, and whatever else that’s being spewed out, is just not for me regardless of who’s singing it.

I’ve dated outside of my race. Considering I grew up in a country were it’s truly a melting pot because there are currently more interracial relationships and biracial children that it seems like “beige” people will be the majority; I’ve always kept my options open. I like a man for who he is not what color he is. I’ve had my share of the good and bad of the races I’ve dated, but that doesn’t make black men less desirable to me. Hell, one of my future ex husbands is both black AND English. *lol*

These (mis)perceptions used to give me room for annoyed pauses, but now I simply laugh because it shows a level of ignorance of both blacks and whites. Whites have also considered me to be “less black” or “not like them” because of my features, speech, and how I carry myself. Amazing!

Anyhoo…Until I open my mouth, I’m still just another black woman who gets the crooked eye from security in a major department store or some old white lady; so it’s time to stop judging a book by it’s cover and open it instead. One might be pleasantly surprised by the content.

24 October 2007

the growth

My transitions (as I said yesterday) over the past few months have been many. Some have been scary; some stressful; many emotional, and finally all worthwhile. Each experience has taught me more and more about myself and about people in general.

I've found that good people do bad things intentionally and unintentionally and given the opportunity to make things right they will or will at least try to. On that same premise, I've found that even given the opportunity to make amends, they are still held in contempt. I looked at this situation deeply and explored the many reasons why this happens and found that people will forgive, but certainly not forget. Even if they say they have or will; they won't. I took it one step further and sought pastoral insight to find that those who say they forgive, only do it to make the other person feel better, while it can still be used as a weapon of emotional control . Why? Because the person isn't willing to look deep within themselves or they are dealing with their own emotional shortcomings to see themselves from another perspective. Many people uphold expectations of others because they think they're morally right or that's how they feel they would be in a given situation; the fact of the matter is that we all fall short and it's not based on magnitude; it's based on the deed period.

I've learned that strength is formed in times of weakness and when we're pushed beyond our limits. Allowing oneself moments of true humility and vulnerability are essential and the character that's built from those moments are great and magnificent. Finding ways to reduce or eliminate drama and stress are also effective tools in mental, physical, and emotional growth because we relieve ourselves of the unnecessary clutter in our lives, fill ourselves with wholesome things, and take the toxicity out of states of being. I haven't had a migraine in months, my degenerated disk has been rather tolerable, and the intermittent shoulder blade pain I would get from a car accident hasn't resurfaced. I attribute these physical successes to my mental and emotional cleansing. I now say no when I can't or don't really want to do something. I try to rest when my body says rest, and I do not allow another's issues to become a part of me. I can and will provide support to someone in need, but that's all I can do. I can not allow myself to be their sponge.

Strengthing in my faith and taking time to speak with those who know The World has also been a considerably beneficial experience. The right words at the right time is like being fed the best meal you could ever imagine. Saying, "thank you Jesus" has become rather demeaned as it's said so casually, but putting some true emphasis behind it and taking the time to reflect on what you're thanking Him for makes it really count. I'm in a great place in my life right now. I'm happy, more confident and secure in myself, I have great family and friends, and I know what my walk in life is and is about. I truly understand and utilize the Serentity Prayer as a part of daily life. There are and will be negative events and people in my life, but through it all, I still look to find something positive in it all.

Life is good and it's all love!

23 October 2007

The light is back on

The past months have been interesting to say the least, but I can wholeheartedly say that it was all worth it. For mountain from the molehill I conquered to just becoming the better person I could be gave me great insight to my life and all that surrounds me. I also turned 40 during my time away and I welcomed and embraced that day like it was a newborn.

Thanks for all the well wishes and support that you left me while I was on hiatus; it meant a lot to know that you were all still interested in me. I look forward to blogging on a regular basis and I have plenty to talk about. I received an insightful email from someone recently, which I will post as a Guest Blogger upon his approval. I think it's fitting with the topics I discuss and one that will be of interest to all also.

I'm anxious to get started, but today is kind of hectic for a real post, so consider this an appetizer until the main course comes.