30 April 2009


I'm so happy Maxwell has FINALLY released this song/video...Check it out and have a great day y'all.


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time will bring the real end of our trial
one day they'll be no remnants
no trace no residual feelings within ya
one day u won't remember me

yo face will be the reason i smile
but i will not see what i can not have forever
i'll always love ya i hope u feel the same

oh u played me dirty ur game was so bad
u toyed with my affliction had to fill out my prescription
found the remedy i had to set u free

away from me
to see clearly the way that love can be
when u are not with me
i had to leave, i have to live
i had to lead, i had to live

if i cant have u let love set u free
to fly yo pretty wings around
pretty wings your pretty wings
your pretty wings around

Love to live; live to love!

28 April 2009

do it and do it well!

We've all heard the expression, "life is short" and we've all complained about something not going our way. Well, we have control over the life we live and how well it's lived. We also have to put words into action if we want change in our lives. So, after listening to Steve Harvey this morning on my way in, he said something that stood out to me and I want to share it with you all.

Time x Effort = your reward!

These are powerful words and something we can all do and is something we need to take pride in executing.

It's so easy to complain, want to give up, hide under the sheets, or whatever one does when things are seemingly not going in their favor; however, with executing that simple equation; Time x Effort = your reward! you can achieve more and experience a more pleasurable life. Whether you want a better job, a stable relationship, peace in your life; no matter what it is, you have to be a part of what you want. All the talk in the world isn't good if there is no action behind it.

So, today my brothers and sisters, review your life; evaluate what you want, and start putting forth the Time and Effort to making it happen. Positive thinking lends favor to positive outcomes. Stay up folks; stay up!

Love to live; live to love!

23 April 2009


How come I see more and more fat/overweight cops, doctors, nurses, etc? Aren't these the people who are supposed to be fit and be in positions to help us?

Why do folk talk to their kids any old kind of way and then pop said kids in the mouth when they talk to others foul?

I'm sick and tired of seeing cops running their mouths on their cells while in their patrol cars without using a handsfree device; meanwhile they're pulling folk over for the same thing they're ILLEGALLY doing!

I'm more than convinced that there are too many folk who are comfortble with ignorance being bliss!

I think I'm going to scream the next time I see Ms. Biggums in the Juniors department trying to squeeze into clothes that my 5' 7", 140, well toned frame won't even put on and I CAN!

I really need to know why so-called grown ass men are dressing and acting like teenage boys and then wonder why they get the side-eye when they try to holla?

For the first time I left a comment on Facebook somewhat airing personal beef; I'll never do that ish again.

When I tell someone I'm about to drive and stop txting, why do they keep txting me?

Just because you can; doesn't mean you should!

If you have unprotected sex with a man who's already got 6 kids, why get mad when you end up pregnant and he doesn't want ish to do with you either?

Women...Using sex to get what you want IS prostitution; I'm so tired of saying that.

Denying your wrong-doings when you know you're busted is just dumb because now you'll never get trust or credibility back.

NEVER ask someone for the truth if you can't handle it; EVER!

Love to live; live to love!

22 April 2009

I'm officially trailer trash!

They're reconfiguring our cubicles on the plantation and have temporarily relocated us to a trailer. Wow! Talk about an experience. I feel like a telemarketer in a bullpen because we're all in one huge room sitting close to each other. It's so crazy. I've been in the office since 7:00am this morning and still am not connected to the network and worse yet, this is my busy day. Let's not also take into consideration that I'm going to have to come in on Friday, which is my RDO (regular day off) because I have a document that needs to get out before 3:00pm. Great right?I'm currently using someone else's pc just so I can share this madness with y'all.

So, let me tell you about the trailer itself...It has a camper style toilet, which means you have to prime it (foot pump water into it) before using it and to ensure that your #2 will not stick to the sides of the bowl. We've been advised not to drink the water because it's not potable and when we wash our hands we should still use hand sanitizer. Yea, do the math on that!!! Also, there's a wasps nest in the trailer and I just fond out thath one of the guys is allegic. Niiice! We have to use the water cooler that's installed for consumption, we have a microwave and a refrigerator, so at least we do have some basic amenities. There is another building nearby that we've been given access to of which your girl will be using to handle her toilet business; not that I #2 at work unless it's dire.

We're about a mile or so from the main building, so if we have meetings that we can't dial in for, we have to drive back and forth. In addition, a part of the work I do requires input and signatures from the reviewing party, which will also require me to drive back and forth. You know your girl will be logging ALL her miles right?!

If any of you are complaining about your respective work environments, please think about me and my new status as trailer trash and then be thankful you're not working under my current conditions.

Have a blessed one!

Love to live; live to love!

17 April 2009

The Friday F's

The following is a list of things being with the letter F that will guide me through this day:

FEARLESS: I shall place my confidence in the Lord knowing that He shall guide and protect me.

FAVORED: I am blessed and highly favored because I am the child of the King and His blessings, grace, and mercy are upon me.

FRIENDLY: In all I say and do today, I will be kind and friendly because random acts of kindness can make a difference in someone's day.

FOCUSED: I will set my sights on positive things and thinking. Although it can get hectic sometimes, I still need to have an executable plan that works in my favor.

FRUITFUL: I shall sow good seeds into the universe that I can be a part of the collective union of positivity.

FANTASTIC: I shall be the absolute best woman I can be now and always.

FORGIVING: Even though people may have wronged me or hurt my feelings, I must learn to forgive as I, too, would like to be forgiven.

FULL: I shall live my life full of love and share it with those around me.

FREE: I shall not allow the forces of negativity surround me.

FESTIVE: I shall celebrate the life I live and those in it.

I must look at things fairly and objectively in order not to be blinded by my own limited thinking.

FULFILLED: I shall satisfy the desires of my heart, live well and prosper, and appreciate all that I have and all that I am.

FORTUNATE: I woke up this morning able bodied, in good health, with a roof over my head and a means to take care of myself.

Have a fantastic, festive, and full day; I know I will.

Love to live; Live to love

14 April 2009

Frankly, I don’t give a damn!!!

I came across a copy of US Weekly magazine; the one with Jake & Reese on the front and began perusing it as I ate my Cheerios. There was an article about Lindsay Lohan and her financial woes. I read it and chuckled as she complained about not having money, being unemployed “it’s scary being unemployed…”, and finding it hard to get work. Really? What about the everyday folk who weren’t making millions? How the heck do you think they feel? Well, if she hadn’t squandered her reputation whilin out and being promiscuous or her money on $1000k + Gucci bags and such, maybe she’d have a fighting chance of being employable and might have some money in the bank.

According to the article, she had to vacate her $10k a month, (yes, I said a month) spot because she couldn’t afford to keep up with the lease. Now she’s living with former girlfriend Samantha Ronson because she apparently doesn’t have anywhere else to live. In addition, she’s basically grasping at straws to get someone to hire her. “She’s delusional and takes zero responsibility. I can’t imagine anybody is going to take a chance on her”. That’s pretty damn sad. But again I say, when your social and financial behavior is erratic why should someone believe in you. Can you imagine going to your job drunk, high, inappropriately dressed, or acting a fool and they want to keep you around? Or when it’s time for your appraisal, they give you a favorable report? Absolutely not! So, if Ms. Lohan or those like her really think they deserve another chance, then she’ll have to earn it. Just like you or I, we have to be about it; not talk about it. Actions always speak louder than words.

Lindsay had it going on for a little while and I’ll give it to her that she was young, but that’s why you get proper guidance and rely on people who’ll tell you the truth and not what you want to hear. Even though she got into the biz young, it’s not like she didn’t know the trappings that could come with it. Yes, it must be really nice to walk into a store and spend $20k like it’s nothing, but no matter how wealthy one is; being fiscally responsible is always a good look. Having money saved and/or properly invested for a rainy day is definitely a good look.

I don’t feel bad for celebrities who are living their dream, being paid mad money for it, and then they toss it away living a life of partying and excess. I don’t care how much notoriety you have, you should never squander your earnings or reputation because when you fall, you might not be able to come back from it. Unlike you’re average Joe/Jane, they do not live a life that’s not without public scrutiny, so when you fall from grace, it’s like walking around with the scarlet letter on your chest and you’re now seen as a liability. No matter who you are, you should never forget where you came from or burn bridges because when the proverbial ish hits the fan, you might have to start again from ground zero, which is often much harder than the first go around.

So, I’ve said all that to say, I frankly don’t give a damn. I don’t care about Michael Vick with his dog drama. I don’t care about Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, or any other celebrity who has squandered their lifes passion/dream on foolishness or doing foolish things. Why? Because there are so many of us who have the talent, but aren’t in the fortunate position to have it recognized or paid for. It’s the average Joe/Jane that so often do more with the little they have, than those who have money/position/notoriety. The average Joe/Jane is the backbone of this society and should be lauded for it. If I had my way, I’d create a magazine called The Average Joe/Jane, which chronicled stories of everyday people who’ve overcome great trials, who help others, or make a difference in their communities. It’s those people the damn paparazzi should be following and not these celebrities who can’t get right.

Well, that’s my rank for the day…Have a great one people!

Love to live; live to love!

13 April 2009

Open Letter...I just thought you should know...

In many recent conversations with Mr. Slish he's asked why I don't talk about some of the more personal details of my life in terms of past or current relationships. I informed him that while I'm not really ashamed of anything I've done, gone through, or am currently experiencing; there are just some things that don't need to be said in a public forum or mixed company. I reserve the right to protect myself, the parties involved, and most of all my intimate life. So, while some of you know some of my pretty personal details, you most certainly don't and won't know it all; I'm simply not that kind of person and those details are reserved for those nearest and dearest to me.

With that being said though, there is someone I'd like to talk about of whom will of course remain nameless.

In the decade plus that I've known you, you've remained the single most intense relationship I've had. From day one, we connected in a way that transcended and defied any other relationship we'd had. In fact, we still have that bond, which we've still not been able to comprehend and I think we've pretty much just given up trying. The road to us hasn't been easy. We met, fell in love at first sight (yes, that is possible), and shared an experience that Lifetime movies, romance novels, and fantasies are made of. In the first 14 hours I'd shared things with you that I'd never shared with anyone else. I let you into the abyss of my existence and you accepted me with my insecurities, self-deprecation, conflicted emotions, and compromised self-esteem. Somehow you found the lost little girl in me that over the years, I kept tucked away so no one could hurt her anymore. Not only did you find her, you loved her, nurtured her, and in many ways validated her. You showed her she was worthy of love and being loved. You allowed the kismet of our meeting to grow and I grew along with you.

For hours we were able to sit and talk about anything and everything. You never made me feel stupid, insignificant or a toy for self-indulgent pleasures. You made love to me in a way that actually scared me. Aside from my virgin experience, no man had ever given so much to me sexually. For the first time in my life, I'd given myself wholely, completely, and without fear. I trusted you implicityly and unequivocally. You were the Alpha to my Omega, the male to my female likeness, and the love that I'd dreamed of forever.

The years of our friendship/relationship weren't always easy and they certainly weren't always kind, yet somehow we always found our way back to each other; however, at some point you became an emotional coward and left me hanging when you should have reached out. There were times where you took far more than you ever gave and I still loved you in spite of it. I defied myself in herculean ways when I told myself I was over you, done with all the mess that somehow now became us, and could and would walk away. These times would last a while, but something somehow always called me back to you. Our bond was like a boomerang. We'd get mad, toss each other away (well, you moreso than me), but like some crazy shift in the universal axis, we'd end up back in each others lives. It was as if we were fish floundering on the shore, hoping the tide would draw us back in.

You actually already know all of this, but since our last fallout, what you don't know is that I'd completely and utterly purged myself of you. I deleted you out of my phone book, deleted your email address, and every photo I had of you; and if memory serves me correctly, I tossed the letters we'd exchanged back in the day too. I not only shut, but changed the locks on my heart/mind/spirit, and installed a state of the art emotional security system to ensure that you could not come back in. I refused to allow you to be a part of my emotional pschye because I felt you no longer deserved any of my goodness. Sadly though, a part of me wishes I had made such a drastic move because I've erased chapters of our relationship like a book caught in a fire. Pages warped, fringed, and no longer decipherable; however, like a good book, you still recall the story even without being able to read it again. The good part about it, is that sometimes you have to raze the house to its foundation in order to rebuild it on more sturdy ground. My forgiving you was the catalyst to you reaching out to me to clear the air and apologize for allowing the emotional big bad wolf known as your emotional cowardice to ruin the single most amazing relationship either one of us had ever had or may ever have.

Now here we are, 14 years, 4 months later better, emotionally stronger, and certainly more vocal people. Well, you're certainly more vocal than you'd ever been in the past and I truly appreciate that. I'm more than happy that the Lord finally got me to listen to the silent whispers He'd been giving me toward you and we can be friends again; a friendship has outlasted our respective marriages and subsequent significant others. Memories don't leave like people do, but when you can get the person back and create new ones; now that's something...I just thought you should know.

Love to live; live to love!

07 April 2009

truth be told

I think that women are their own worst enemy, but are so often in denial about it

Women think about sex as much as, if not more so than men do

Trading sex for having your bills paid makes you a prostitute; you're being paid for a service

Kids today are morally bankrupt because most of their parents are

Money can buy many things, but not real happiness

It's so true that if you're unhappy with yourself, you can't/won't be happy with somoene else. No one can fix you, but you

Love is not just another 4-letter word

just because you can, doesn't always mean you should

even when doing the right thing means doing a hard thing; do it anyway; you'll be glad you did

when you ask someone for the truth, expect that you might actually get it and they're not wrong for what they've said

if you forget where you came from, you'll never know how far you've come

when you truly love yourself, you're never alone because you're always surrounded by good company

love to live; live to love!

02 April 2009


Steve's on a rampage and if he's not satiated soon, he's gonna have me in a world of hurt. Who's Steve? As I've said before, Steve is the name of my libido. Why? Because my libido is like that of an 18 y/o boy, so it needed a name; and so Steve was born.

Dreadz is back in Jamaica and while I miss him much and like him in equal capacity to my missing him, I'm still not sure what long term potential we have; thus leaving me in one hell of a dilema. Legal is my old college friend whom I've had drinks with and hang out with from time to time. He's a good, likeable, and decent guy who could make a good boyfriend, but with his work schedule and my not being sure of my true status with Dreadz, I'm just enjoying his company for now. Toolbelt is trying to get back in, but he's still in time out, so while he's definitely a Triple Threat (deep, dark, and delicious) he's not even worth slutting out. His drama keeps me very cautious. Then there's Achilies Heel. OMG! *swoon* We'd had a major falling out and then managed to work through it and become friends again. A few weeks ago he called and we had a surpisingly long and good conversation. Yesterday, we had an all day txt conversation and the conversation started one way and ended up taking a left turn in Albuquerque with loaded guns at the firing range. Boy, was that ever one heck of a conversation; leaving Steve ready to defy anything I might say and do his own thing.

Now, I didn't bring y'all here to divulge the TMI of my personal life, I'm simply venting as a means to calm Steve down and keep his desires at bay. You see, what's also pissing Steve of is that I gave up self-gratification for Lent seeing as I really don't have any vices to speak of. I don't really drink. I don't smoke or eat really bad foods, so I figured self-gratification was something that I'd miss. Oh, and boy, do I ever miss it. Between my current dry spell since Dreadz absense and my not self-fulfilling, Steve has been wreaking havoc on my innards. He's running around inside me like a richotcheting bullet. I'm trying to be a good girl; I really am, but I really don't know how much longer I can go on.

The irony of it all is that I was celibate for over two years and pretty much didn't give it a second thought, but now I feel like a damn fiend. I guess once you let the cat out the bag (no pun intended), it's pretty hard to put it back in. *Slish, I know you're having a field day with this*. LMAO!

I'm a woman with options and will have to decide which box off the multiple choice list I'll check off. Whatever or whomever I choose, it will be exacted of clear conscious and sound mind; or what's left of it. *giggle*

Have a great weekend chillens!

Love to live; live to love!