31 January 2006

Ever Satisfied?

In my fascination with all things stupid; cause folk never cease to amaze me, I was immediately drawn to a message thread that said, "She's too loud." I read the thread with amused curiousity because men are in fact more fickle than women though they'd be reluctant to admit it.

Scenario, you have a woman who's too loud in bed, but if she's too loud, it's a message board worthy issue; and it she wasn't loud, your ego would suffer quite a bruising. Make up your mind fella(s)! But how loud is too loud? Is she moaning and screaming Mariah Carey decibels during the act that makes her sound like a sex kitten or does she moan to replicate a porn star? Hmm? Maybe she sounds like you're in the process of killing her with it? I think you bragged about "killing her with it" because you're so good and she's taken to humoring you. (LMAO)

So, what are you gonna do fella? Are you gonna tell chick she's too loud or are you gonna be creative like you should be and find ways for her to use her mouth more constructively? My suggestion is that you speak to her about it. Now, I know tact is probably not your strong suit considering you chose a message board to vent, but bringing it up casually or playfully like, "yo, my neighbhor almost called the cops on us cause it was kinda loud the other night. He thought for sure I was tryna kill you." Hopefully, chick has a sense of humor and will laugh and you can say, "maybe we need to tone it done a little ya know?!" Or hell, you can flip it and get loud on her during the act and start sounding like one of those screw-faced (no pun intended) , barbarian grunting male porn stars and see how that grabs her. Chances are she'll feel like you've lost your natural mind and will call you on your sudden raise in decibels. If that occurs, then you've got the catalyst to bring up her "loudness".

I wish you well fella(s), but as the proverbial saying goes..."careful what you wish for..." I say, if you can't take the screaming, use ear plugs...lol...just kidding. For real though, Just talk to her otherwise you'll be rushing to get sex over with and then you'll be on the message board for a whole new reason...SHE posted a thread that you lost your stamina...GASP!!!

Steps away from the pc singing..."I don't want no minute man...." (Missy Elliot)

25 January 2006

Stay or go?

I was having one of my adult ADD moments (no, I don't really have it, but it's fun to say...lol) and couldn't decide what I wanted to talk about. Then I decided that I would write something funny and kind of all the wall until I read a thread written by a man who's struggling with staying with his wife or divorcing her. It was a very long thread, but I read it in entirety and was so completely moved that I decided I needed to write about him.
Naturally, his presentation of the story was one-sided...his! He admitted that it was only his version, but his plea for help was so moving that I couldn't help but believe what he was saying. Apparently he and his wife are Born Again Christians and have been married for over a year; however, the marriage is and has been grossly deteriorating. He states that his wife becomes both physically and verbally abusive during arguments and refuses to accept responsibility for her actions. To cut a long story short, he's gone the rounds with her, has tried counseling, talking to her (when she appears rational), but nothing is working and nothing seems to change. She has (according to his story), berated him to her family and friends and they are currently separted. In spite of the bullshit and drama, he wants to work things out 1) because as a Christian he doesn't believe in divorce and 2) he still loves her. His question was what should he do? Oh hell, he done opened up a can now...
Personally, I say get rid of the psycho bitch before he ends up the passenger in an ambulance. I'm sorry no diss to Christians or the Bible, but let's be for real here...the bitch (forgive the slander) is effin you up during arguments, has wrecked the house and furniture, cut up your clothes, received nothing constructive from counseling, and you want to stay because you're a Christian? Hell would truly freeze over if I were in that situation cause this chic would be so gone! Ain't now way on earth am I staying with someone who displays that kind of behavior. I ain't tryna stay with someone who could have me wake up dead. Sheot! Someone would have to hold me hostage in order for me to stay with that level of abuse. I'd have left her ass for half of what he's endured/enduring.
I know he wants to uphold his vows, but where does it say in the vows that one should withstand abuse and a violent environment? I've been married, and thevows said, "...in sickness and in health...", but I know they didn't mean that level of sickness; cause trust me that woman is sick. The irony of the situation is that she NEEDS Jesus; even though she allegedly has him in her life. Whoa! I think people are taking the Bible and being a Christian a little too far these days and are putting themselves in harms way be it emotionally, mentally, physically, and/or financially. I just wish people would stop hiding behind religion and realize that they are capable of recognizing right from wrong behavior and at some point common sense should prevail...though it appears it's really not that common.
While I feel bad for dude and his situation, he needs to man up and walk away from a destructive woman and marriage.
Nuff said, Amen!

24 January 2006

What happened to making love?

I listen to R&B music with less passion than I used to. Gone are the days when the music spoke if sensuality and making love. Nowadays, people are "getting their freak on", "bumpin-n-grindin", "hittin it", "f*ckin", and doing anything but making love. Granted, we don't make love everytime we're with that significant person, but dammit, can't we at least be tasteful in our approach to it?

I remember when I used to listen to an R&B song and heard lyrics that said, "I wanna make love to you", and thought that was so sexy and a turn on. Now all I hear in most songs is, "I wanna freak you" or "I wanna hit you off". How unromantic is that? Call me a prude if you want to, but sheot, if you're trying to test your landscaping skills in my garden, you better come with some better lyrics and game than "...girl you remind me of my Jeep, I wanna ride you..." or some other awful shit.

Have those who write lyrics lost their minds? Is this what intimacy and romance has come down to? Hell, is that music in general has come down to? Neo-Soul artists and real music afficionados are the a few of the only ones who can still appreciate music for it's whole content.

Leela James has a song called "Music" in which she questions what has happened to real music? I wholeheartedly agree with her. Link to her lyrics illustrates what I'm trying to convey.


I find it pretty sad and disheartening that it's hard to find R&B songs with lyrics that aren't tainting what it means to love, make love, and have intimacy and sensuality in your love life.

Off to listen to Maxwell, at least he knows how to lyrically make love to me.

23 January 2006

News Flash

I've decided to add another feature to my blog. As most of you know, I write short stories and poems and have decided to add a link (Shades of Blu) which is on the right margin, so you can read them. I'm currently posting a story called "Rendezvous". I'll add a new page daily until it's complete, then I'll post a new story or poem depending on my mood is. Please provide feedback as to this new feature and as always, please leave comments on either blog. It's a great tool for me to gauge how I'm reaching my audience. Thanks for your support.

19 January 2006

Speculation and hearsay

Did you know that conceding to speculation and hearsay borders is a crime in many states? It isn’t that I know of, but damn well should be. It borders on slander and defamation of character, which as you can see in the headlines, can cost folk mad money in lawsuits and settlements. For most of us, we wouldn’t be forced to paying out money in settlements etc., but we should be charged in some way for the pain caused by being ignorant, insensitive, and inconsiderate. When someone we’re supposed to be friends with causes this kind of act, it is particularly heinous and if there were crimes in friendship, I would consider this instance to be a felony.

I, like many other people have yielded to the temptation of participating in speculation and hearsay, which in itself is a particularly wrong and cruel thing to do. Over the years and many pained experiences later, I have (for the most part) removed myself from those instances whenever and wherever possible. The idea of speaking ill about someone for no good reason doesn’t make me a better person and if I want to know that damned badly, then I should be woman enough to inquire myself. Here’s my issue…

Why can’t people 1) mind their own mutha effin business, 2) man or woman up and ask the person they either talking about or wanting to get information on, and 3) why the f*ck to they care anyway? Why is what I do or what someone else does any of anyone’s business. Yeah, I understand it’s human nature to be nosey and to pry, but it’s full fun and games until it’s you that’s under the microscope. I challenge folk to use the time they’re talking shit or conceding to hearsay and speculation to use that energy to find some positive to say or do. Better yet, ask themselves the million dollar question of “what’s it me anyway?” The scariest and saddest part of this is that I dealt with less of this bullshit when I was in high school almost 21 years ago. So, can someone explain to me how as allegedly more open minded, more rational, and intelligent 'adults' (and I use the term loosely) continue to act worse than high school kids?

I’m in dire need to some Valium right now cause I’m hotter than Habanera peppers. People, for the one finger you point outward, there are three that come back at you. Think about that shit the next time you open your mutha effin mouths to down someone, taunt or tease someone, or spend time being in someone’s business. None of us live in glass houses!

Off to get my meds increased!

18 January 2006

Refusing sex!

"Men/Women...have you ever refused sex?" When I read that on the BV message board I thought I was gonna choke from laughing. I couldn't believe someone actually posted that thread. Let's be for real okay. What man in his right mind ever refuses sex; even if it's bad? Of course that was one of the similar responses I found as I scrolled through the sea of comments. For the most part, sex is sex to a man regardless of what the woman looks like; unless there is a salvagable north in his moral compass that will redirect him elsewhere. I wanna hear from the man who has one of those compasses because he is truly an anomaly. Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Yes, I know there are a few men who do have standards and won't stick his appendage in any vacant hole willing to accept him, but as I fore stated, I want to hear from him. Say it loud and proud like Kanye says, "...holla we want prenup, we want prenup..." I wanna hear, "we got standards! We got standards!" (lol) I think a man who refuses sex for the right reason (well, what's right to him) should be commended. The truth of the matter is that men tend not to refuse sex and will have sex with his wife, girlfriend, or whomever because he can and refuses to deny himself that physical release. Regardless of what society says and what the boys think, you are in fact more of a man for refusing sex, than for having it. Your body is equally sacred, it shouldn't be slutted out because the girl is willing, and what message are you sending to a girl who genuinely likes and wants to get with you if you're constantly selling yourself out to the lowest bidder? A discerning woman won't want you if she thinks you have no regard for yourself sexually.

On the flip side, a woman tends refuse sex for any number of reasons. Here's a few...1) Because she can. 2) I want something and you won't get it for me. 3) The longer I refuse, the increased chance he won't think less of me.

However, the irony of it is that women withold sex as often as they're willing to give it up, the only difference is that she has game and won't reveal why she witholds or has sex. But I will say that I do think the practice of witholding sex is pretty lame. For the most part a man can and will endure the witholding because he knows what it takes to win you over; some flowers, a gift, sweet talk, or any other dumb reason he's found out because he reads your disgarded magazines. Or lest it not be forgotten that he can resort to his porn stash and handle his own business!

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are many justifiable reasons for witholding sex, but witholding for sport is stupid and if he did the same in return, chic would be on the first phone with a dial tone with her girls claiming dude is cheating. Now, that would be some funny shit. I'd love to be the silent listener on that conversation.

I could go on and on for days on this, but it's really not worth it. There are two sides to the story and I'm merely a voyeur speaking on a practice that I find silly and amusing. While I'd admit that I have witheld sex, I can truly say I had a justifiable reason and informed him accordingly. On the occasion when I witheld for no other reason than because I could and I felt like it, my witholding backfired on me when he flipped the script and teased me all day and when I came home to make good on his talk, he said he wasn't feeling good. DAYUM! Talk about a bruised ego and backed up hormones! I never did that shit again. (lol)

Enough sex talk or the next thing you know my blog will be pulled by the FCC and I'll be explaining myself in court. So much for freedom of speech.

And she's off like a prom dress!

17 January 2006

Time wise

It’s been a few days since I’ve posted and it’s not because I didn’t want to; trust me I’ve got enough things to rant about. (haha!) I’ve just been very busy and there was little time to adequately share with you. I will however use that intro as the segway to what I want to talk about.

Now, as a working mother and member of the military, I understand that time is a precious thing and needs to be utilized wisely in order to make the most of it. I also understand the many unforeseen events that occur in our lives that interrupt the course planned for the day. However, what I don’t understand are the people who complain about not having enough time. Please tell me what you’d do with any additional time you might have. I know people who sleep in excess of 8 hours and then say; I didn’t have time to do this or that. Gee, I wonder why?! Then there are those who have schedules that are in conflict of others and then wonder why they can’t hang out. Hmm? It’s called opposing schedules! How about those for example who have poor time management and can’t get themselves organized enough to complete anything. Sounds like adult ADD to me. (snicker) I snicker because I swear I suffer from that from time to time. No, not because I’m unorganized, but moreso because I’m trying to do so many things at once or in a short time frame. Whatever one’s reason, excuse, or whatever you want to call it is, I have a hard time believing anyone is that completely busy.

Here’s why…I have a good friend who is currently deployed in Iraq. Not just in Iraq, but in the thick of the shit that’s happening. He’s in a Special Ops group, which constantly is exposed to the heinous things we hear/read in the media. I know first hand that what we hear/read is only a small part of the madness, but that’s not for me to disclose. Anyway, this friend of mine manages (in spite of his surroundings) to hand write letters to me, send email, and on a rare occasion call me. Now, if a man in a 24/7 hostile environment can find and make time to contact me, then none of us have an excuse to allege to be so busy. Feel me? Simmer on that for a minute. Tick, tock, tick tock.

Okay, you get the picture; let’s continue. We use emails because it’s faster than writing a letter, but imagine how nice it would be to jot down a few thoughts in a card (can be bought at a $1 store or for 99 cents at a card shop), a postcard, or hell a regular piece of paper, and mail it. The recipient would get a something in the mail other than someone wanting their monthly payment. Can you imagine the smile that would radiate from that person’s face? How about making a phone call when you actually have sat still long enough to not be distracted and engage in a meaningful conversation. It’s the little things we neglect to do that mean so much.

My people life is short and it sure as hell ain’t promised, so let’s get back to some basics. Let’s find a few minutes each day to reflect, to be thankful, to pray or give thanks. Let’s find the positive out of a negative situation. The time we spend bitching and whining could be spend sharing a joy, enjoying a quiet moment, or to just be. They say, “time flies when you’re having fun”, that’s a lie; time flies regardless of what you’re doing.

I think we should all use what we’ve got to get what we want and enjoy it. It makes no sense to work your ass off, save all your vacation time, and never use it. Whenever possible, take a day off and spend it on yourself share it with someone you haven’t seen in a while. Take a mini vacation, just do something constructive and that makes you feel good. We are not that busy!

09 January 2006

The driving impaired

Okay, today is another day for discussing the antics of people who do not exhibit the simplest forms of courtesy and/or common sense. This one is directed toward those who pull out in front of you and proceed to drive s-l-o-w-l-y and those who drive s-l-o-w-l-y in the passing lane. I'll inhale and exhaling deeping before this one because it's one that irks the _*(%#)&%)T&#)%*#)%*# hell out of me.

Cleansing breath released, I shall proceed with the appropriate speed and etiquette.

Imagine yourself on a stretch of road and you're doing at least the speed limit if not a little over. (that's me on a regular...lol). Anyway, there are cars in front of you that yeild to your approach, noting your speed, but then there's one who doesn't. Not only does said driver not yeild, but the drive BELOW the posted speed limit. Road rage threatens to creep in, but you realize that there are laws against aggressive driving and you really don't need a citation. You do everything in your power to get around this &%)@&%^#%(& driver, but naturally, there are cars in the other lane and they're passing you. When you're finally able to pass them, they have the audacity to 1) not make eye contact because they know they were wrong, or 2) look at you and smile like "what did I do?" Meanwhile, you're sitting there exploding and ready to make road kill of them. Ugh!

And that leads me into the other issue that can inspire random acts of road rage. The pull out and brake. Someone; anyone, please tell me what the %^)(&#%( that's all about? I'll gladly pay to know the anser to that question. Sheesh! I'm getting pissed off just thinking about it!

Here's a story. It's real and it happened to me. I drive an SUV with 265 beautiful Andulasians (that's horses to the equine challenged) galloping under the hood. I'm doing the posted speed limit of 50 per hour and I'm gazing into the open road ahead. I see a car approaching the stop sign of a side street and as I continue and get closer to the side street the moron who will be for all perpetuity thought of each time I see a Cadilac Coup de Ville, decides he wants to pull in front of me. Not only does the &)%#&*%&#)* moron pull out, but he drives s-l-o-w-l-y in front of me. I call him everything unladylike that I can think of as I try to slow my beautiful horses down. (much to their chagrin). The worse part is that I was on a stretch of road where I couldn't even pass and that pissed me off into the middle of 2007.

Now I know I shouldn't allow such things bother me the way they do, but I'm human and I have feelings too. (sniff). For the most part, the roads have two lanes, which means the road is divided for those who was to take their time, be scenic, or otherwise plain, ignorant assholes who shouldn't be on the damned road in the first freaking place. Ooops! My bad! My Tourettes got the best of me for a minute. Woosah! Now, that I'm calm again. It's this simple, if you know you're in the mood to take it easy, please be considerate to those who don't want to be boxed in because you're acting like cholestoral and blocking the damn road. Move right and stay there. To those who like playing chicken by pulling out and then slowing down in front of a fast moving vehicle, think about the impact of your very foolish decision and maybe that'll calm your dumb ass down. The idea of meeting you by accident doesn't appeal to me and neither does having to restrain myself when I want to beat you to a pulp because you did cause an accident and my hood in now your back seat.

Wooosh! And she's off!

Leave a message

"Hi, you've reached, 555-1212 and I can't take your call right now. Please leave a brief message and I'll get back to you."

This is an all too familiar outgoing message, but how often do people really leave a brief message? Better question, do people really understand what 'brief' means? In case there is need for clarity, here is Webster's definition...Main Entry: 1brief
Pronunciation: 'brEf Function: adjective Etymology: Middle English bref, breve, from Middle French brief, from Latin brevis; akin to Old High German murg short, Greek brachys1 : short in duration, extent, or length2 a : CONCISE b : CURT, ABRUPT- brief·ness noun.

Okay, now that I've gotten that established, I'll continue. So, when one hears an outgoing message, one is to do exactly as the one being called asks..."leave a BRIEF message...", but why, oh why do people insist on leaving messages that damn near equate to full (and one sided) conversations? There is no need whatsoever for that; well, I'm sure there are a few occasions, but I do emphasize of 'few'. The worse thing is, after listening to the lenghty voice message and you return the call, the caller preceeds to repeat in additional detail the message they left. By that time, you're sitting with the phone away from your ear as not have to hear it, but leaving enough listening distance to respond if necessary.

I used to feel bad for being that way, but you know what? I don't anymore. I mean, why should I? If you took it upon yourself to leave a message that comprised of everything that is now being repeated, why do I need to listen? In fact, why should I even call back? You've said everything in the very detailed message. But if you want to hear something really funny, let me share this story with you.

So, I knew someone who was notorious for doing that and her boyfriend had had enough of her not only leaving detailed messages at every number she had to reach him, but would call and leave supplements to the her messages. He began saving the messages and one day while she was visiting, he sat and began playing back the messages (6 in all, 3 one his cell and 3 on his home phone). Growing a little frustrated at his lack of attention, she inquired "who the _%*#_*%_ (loosely quoted) would be do damned ignorant to leave messages that long that would cause someone else to have to listen for almost fifteen minutes?" He chuckled and waved the index finger for her to wait. When he was finally done, he greeted her and told her those were her messages. Naturally, she stared at him in disbelief before denying she would do something like that "...because it was ignorant..." he played the messages back for her. She covered her mouth in shock and humiliation. From that day forth, she stopped leaving messages like that.

I was in stitches when he shared that story, but unfortunately there are still a lot of people who fail to realize that they are being insensitive when leaving such messages. In some instances, the voice mailbox can only hold a certain amount of messages and if they consume a good portion of it with their extraneous messages, they prevent other callers from leaving theirs. The worst case scenario would be in an emergency situation and they call can't get through. That would really suck.

So, in closing I say this to all...please be considerate of others when leaving your "brief" message and in addition, think about how you would feel if someone repeated in kind what you did. I'm sure you too would become a bit perturbed by it too. I'm offering classes in Phone Etiquette for the phone usage challenged! (lol)

At the sound of the tone please leave a brief message..."I'm out, transmission over!"

06 January 2006

Man of the house!

"My son is the man of the house. The people he likes, when they come in...they deposit $1.00 in his high-yield savings account." -- Karrine Steffans, Bill Maher's Belle, Ex-Stripper and Self-Proclaimed 'Video Vixen' on How She Makes Her 7-Year-Old Tax the House Guests

First of all, how the hell is a damned snot-nosed little boy the man of the house? Who’s house? Sheot! It wouldn’t be mine. This hoe is crazier than I thought! That’s the bullsh*t that creates mean and ulgy men. The type of man who has no regard for people unless they come with something…in this case, money. “The people he likes” equates to if he don’t like you then you need to the f*ck out the house that he’s "The Man" of cause you ain’t about nothing or coming with broke pockets. That’s just lovely! (sighs in disgust). Everyone to him is a dollar sign and in a day and age where material things rule, he’s being set up for failure. In addition, if he thinks he’s the man of anything at 7, can you even conceive what he’ll be like in a few more years. If he’s anything like the image I’ve conjured, I’d wanna flush his little ass down a toilet. And not just any toilet; the kind urban legends are made of with mile longs snakes and alligators in the piping. Yeah, I know it was cruel, but think about what his crazy ass mother is doing. Ding, ding, ding! One for the home team.

Not only has she made millions on scandalizing herself, but now she’s pimping her son too. What kind of crap is that? Imagine with me the life of this little boy who’s mother is known for being a high-paid, shameless, whore, who’s turned around and publicized her sex life with countless men. Why? 1) Because she had a effed up childhood and life and 2) because she could. Wow! Talk about inspiration. I’m not sure what kind of friends this kid has or whom he is surrounded by, but you can’t convice me that none of this has an adverse effect on him. Maybe is doesn’t because his mother has convinced him she did the right thing and used what she had to get what she wanted, but what kind of legacy is that for a child? I find myself with more questions than answers.

As a mother, I couldn’t imagine telling my child what I did for a “living” if I had a PhD. in Pubic Relations and a minor in Fellatio. It would be even harder explaining it after I decided to make millions off publishing a book about it. Did chick ever consider the ramifications of her actions? Hell to the mutha effin naw! As far as she’s concerned she did nothing wrong. She better pray she don’t end up M.I.A somewhere for outing the cats she’s been with. Though I suspect some of them are probably proud to have been mentioned. Damn the male ego!

I know to some I probably sound like a hata, though I couldn’t think of why I’d need to hate on her. I have considerable self-respect and treat sex as an act of love and intimacy and not as a means for scandal and money making. I’ve always been amazed at how easily one can be called a hata for having an opinion that’s contrary to the masses or for speaking their mind. I’ll quote a friend who said, “she’s probably looser than a newborns bowel movements” in describing Miss Steffans. If that’s something to brag and boast about, then I’d rather be constipated.

“…they deposit $1.00 in his high-yield savings account.” Now that’s something to laugh about. (LMBAO) She obviuosly doesn’t know much about financial matters, cause The Man could fair better with a high-yield Certificate of Deposit than a savings acount. In case you were wondering.

Off to find solace in something that actually makes sense.

05 January 2006


As I contemplated the many ideas my mind conjured up for today's blog, a friend emailed the following...

Woman to Woman Encouragement
Someone will always be smarter. Their house will be bigger. They will drive a better car. Their children will do better in school. And their partners will fix more things around the house. So let it go and love you and your circumstances. Think about it. The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart. And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children. The richest woman you know - she's got the car, the house, the clothes - might be heartbreakingly lonely. So, love you. Love who you are right now. Tell yourself, "I am too blessed to be stressed." Be blessed ladies and pass this on to encourage another woman."To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world." Possibilities and miracles are one and the same.

I found it particularly inspirational and interesting as I had just finished reading a thread about Brandy (singer/actress) and how she is rumored to be suffering from depression as a result of her (now) failed singing career and relationship. The picture that is on the Net of her makes her look like she should be in a coffin. She's wearing entirely too much makeup and she looks very frail. http://blackcommunity.blackvoices.aol.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?msg=1088.6&nav=messages&webtag=ti-musictalk. As many of you know the girl has been through the ringer personally, professionally, and socially; so it's probably a natural reaction to be depressed as a result. Once the so-called "good girl" (though most of us knew the real deal), Brandy projected a healthy and wholesome image until she found herself pregnant out of wedlock. With her parents, moreso her mother, calling the shots, it was natural that she would have to marry her childs father Robert Smith. Though many were against the union, they "wed" and went on to have a little girl. It was later revealed she and Robert had not married and the "wedding" was staged in order to uphold her image. What a lot of good that did because all it did was open the doors for all the ugly, though pressumably true, rumors to fly like the proverbial stuff that hits the fan. She and Robert held seperate interviews regarding their status and Robert was very forthright in his interviews on waht actually occured between them. Brandy held her own interviews and tried (miserably) to regain her image. MTV was furious with her and demanded an apology for being "defrauded" by her and practically refused to have anything else to do with her ever. That's rough!

In an additonal attempt to improve her image and attract some attention other than faux marriage, Brandy posed shamelessly for Vibe magazine. The pictures were awful (my opinion) and did nothing to improve her image, but to further sully it. Please don't start blacking out on me, these are soley my opinions and I am not trying to incite an online riot; so let me speak. Anyway, Brandy released a new CD Afrodesiac, which did not attract the same fan response as her previous CDs had even with the several disses to Robert. Personally, I think she played herself! (Ducking, cause I know some of you are ready to hurl things my way...be easy!) Since then, she hooked up with Quentin Richardson, NBA balla and attempted to be wed for real this time. Unfortunately, the marriage did not take place and if memory serves correctly, he wanted the ring back. DAYUM! Talk about another blow to the esteem.

To cut a long story short and actually get my point across, I think we (male and female) can all relate to things and reasons to compromise our self-esteem and in extreme cases, cause depression. A good, honest, and unwavering support system is a wonderful way to build, rebuild, and maintain ones self-esteem. I think, actually, I know that without faith in a Divine being in your life, it's hard to make it. Staying away from people and places that contribute nothing but negativity also helps. (Refer to blog on Friendship for additional insight). Being a celebrity comes with its own set of problems and your life in under constant scrutinity, which fortunately for most of us, we aren't subject to such invasions. We do however, suffer and endure problems in our lives that if not properly tended to can cause an array of damage to our well-being and self-esteem.

I think the enclosed quote says a lot and in the grand scheme of things, many of us aren't suffering quite as much as we think we are. Most of us are blessed with full-time employment (with benefits), friends and famil who love us, homes, cars, and similar blessings. Agreed, we all do suffer in one for or another, but it's not a terminal state. Take the time to get to know yourself, surround yourself with good people if you haven't already, travel and seek new things in your life, and always have faith. Faith is the evidence of things unseen. Blessings come in all forms, so don't think you're not being blessed or receiving answers to your prayers, that nothing good is happening. Patience is a much needed virtue in most of us. Think about the times when a rebate check that you forgot about came when you were broke. Recall the time when you couldn't do something and you were upset, but later found out the situation wasn't what you thought it would be in the first place. There are so many ways to build ourselves up and we all have to play the staring roles in our lives. We can't leave it up to others to make us feel good. As Michael Jackson says, "I'm starting with the man in the mirror." While I admit and understand that many things are easier said than done, but remember the first step, though the hardest; is the right one in making improvements. We can't dole out "advice" if we aren't willing to heed it, so keep that in mind the next time you find yourself uplifting someone and you can't do it to or for yourself.

Finally, seeking help makes you stronger not weaker. "Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be." Clementine Paddleford. Strength, beauty, wisdom, and courage lies in ALL of us.

Be blessed :-)

04 January 2006

Get a life!

Okay, out of some crazy habit, I check out what's being said on Black Voices (BV) message boards and invariably there is someone who starts a thread pertaining to some celebrity and their life. Now I know we're all curious about how other folk live, but damn, do we have to get caught up and get all in as if we know them like our own family? Hell, some of us don't even pay that much attention to our own family. That's where my annoyance kicks in. It's like this, spend a little more time on your own business and getting your life straight before you get all caught up in someone else's BS and drama.

Let's keep it real here, these celebs aren't all into our lives like we are their's and let's not forget that they're human too, so instead of passing judgement, blasting them, or even defending them, let's check ourselves and our lives first.

And I refer back to my subject header...Get a life!

Prayer at work

I received the following email this morning:


When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing "good morning" to everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the s#@! out of her"...You need to pray at work.

When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes," and you think, "what the f*&% do they want now?"..... You need to pray at work.

When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, "which one of you sons of b*&^%$# turned off my computer?"..... You need to pray at work.

When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says, "well at my last office...," and you want to throw a stapler at him...... You need to pray at work.

When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is, "what the h*&^ does she want now?" and you try to hide underneath your desk......... You need to pray at work.

When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else's work and the first thing that pops in your head is, "both of y'all can kiss my a@@!!".... You need to pray at work.

When you're in the elevator and it stops to pick up someone who stood for five minutes waiting for the darn thing only to go DOWN one floor, and you say "that lazy b*&%$#"...... You need to pray at work.

When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it and you think, "sorry a## M#$^%F%&#s"....... You need to pray at work.

If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping or flattening someone's tires that you work with...... You need to pray at work.

If you avoid saying more than hello or how are you doing to someone because you know it's going to lead to their life story .......You need to pray at work.

If you know all the words that have been bleeped out....You need to pray atwork!


I’d read it before, but today is seemed even more apropos to consider its content. We all work with folk we wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire, but as a rule of work ethic and engagement, you have to deal with them regardless. Well, there are folk at my job that infuriate me to the point of homicide and that in itself, says I need to pray at work. Trust me, I do! If not for the power of prayer, I’d be writing this from a 6x8 cell and ducking some big ass chick named Big Bertha cause I’m so gosh damn cute. Lemme give you a few examples of what I deal with on a daily basis.

I sit across from this dude who is so strange that strange actually makes sense to me. (That’s damned scary!) Anyhoo, He rolls in around 8:00 am, goes through the ritual of turning on his pc, getting something to eat, and then he listens to his voice mail. Now, he doesn’t just listen to his voice mail, he shares it. This mutha-shut-my-mouth listens on speakerphone. I don’t wanna listen to that shit! I don’t need to know this mans business or the business of the folk leaving the message personal or professional. Well, to add further insult to injury, he sleeps on the job. I’m not talking about a light catnap or nod. This cat falls asleep to the point where he’s given me whiplash for how his bounces. I’m sure you’re wondering how he pulls this off; he’s a government worker! That answer your question? Oh, and a well damned paid one to boot. Meanwhile, I’m wishing to bring home his paycheck. There’s days when I’m so tired and sleepy my damn self and wish I could take a nap, but I can’t and don’t. Yet this cat does it at his desk. If you hadn’t already figured it out, we sit in cubicles, so it’s not like he has privacy. His latest obsession, aside from sleeping, is updating his slide show of the house he’s having built. Talk about f*cking neurotic! He had photo of the vacant lot, then one of the lot being cleared, and so on and so on. I’m all for noting progress, but that’s a little excessive. And who really gives a rats ass anyway? All he’s doing is giving folk more reasons to talk about his crazy ass. Phew! Lemme take a breath. I hear the voices saying what the _*%#)&%)#? Imagine how the hell I feel. (Sigh)

Okay, so there’s more. I work with other people (actually, he sits in the next cube to me) who spent more time outside smoking than sitting at their desk. I’d say at least, (emphasis on least) four times an hour, this dude is outside lighting up and when he’s at his desk, he’s making personal calls. He does little or no work when he’s not smoking or on the phone, but could get an Oscar for his acting like he’s working. Can you tell, I’m surrounded by high paid, non-working folk? (Cringing)

There are quite a few others that I’m forced to deal with who do little or no work, but I’ll let them rest for a few, seeing that’s what they do best. I’ll speak on the folk that are always pointing the finger. Didn’t anyone tell them that for the one they point out, there are three that point back at them? If they don’t know, they better ask somebody. Yeah, there’s times when I get or am lazy, but hell at least I look like I’m doing something. I can’t in clear conscious point the proverbial finger and not acknowledge my own issues. I have them, I try to work on them, and remain below the radar. For the most part, I keep myself to myself. The less you interact, the less people have to say, and the better the workday is. I refuse to get caught up in all the office bullshit and drama; they have soap operas for that and with the price of cable these days, I need to watch them…lol! I have one person at work with whom I chill with during the day. We have established a level of trust between us and if we need to vent, we know we can go to each other. They say there’s safety in numbers, but I find that to only be true when in uniform. (Another story, for another day).

Anyhoo and moving on…My coworker/friend (she’s worthy of the title) helped inspire this entry because she came to me to vent her frustration with this environment and the people we work with. I felt her pain and thought I could do her some justice by speaking on her and my behalf. I’m sure once she reads this, she’ll she that the burden she shared was a burden halved.

To all of my readers who can empathize, lift your coffee mugs or other drink of choice (hopefully not alcoholic cause I’m assuming you’re at work and reading this), and say it with me, "Our father, who art in heaven, be with me in the workplace, give me the gift of restraint when I want to choke someone, and help me find shelter in the bathroom or other safe place to prevent me from exploding. Give me the wisdom to know when to shut my mouth and walk away. And finally, help me to always know that prayer in the workplace in the one insurance benefit I don’t have to pay for. Amen.”

Cheers! :-)

Human Stain

I’ve been trying to figure out what I wanted to rant about today and it’s been hard. I didn’t want to start the New Year with one of my angst infused tirades and I didn’t want to go off on the nuts that post foolish threads on BV, but I still haven’t come up with anything that moves me enough to write. Well, that was until about 30 seconds ago.

I was watching the movie Human Stain, which is about a college professor who has lived a lie for almost his entire life and it’s not until damn near the end of the movie that it’s revealed. Actually, it’s revealed a little before that, but I wasn’t consistently watching the movie, so I didn’t pick up the clues. The title throws you for a loop because it conjures up so many connotations, but it bares truth to the roles of the main characters, a professor who has an intimate relationship with a woman half his age. Each character bares their own stain and deals with it in a myriad of ways. I know I’m about to lose some of you, so I’ll get the point. The professor loses his job because the board feels he made a racial slur against two students he’s never seen. Blown totally out of context, he’s fired and while he could have prevented his termination, he accepted it, and moved on with his life. The professor was half black, but looked and passed for white. Being the parent of a bi-racial child I’ve often wondered what would have happened if she looked more white than black or “beige” as I affectionately call her.

My daughter’s father is on the darker side of white and could probably pass for being "of color". In spite of his ancestry, which is German, Austrian, and Lithuanian. Basically white, white, he could be considered the “neighbors kid” compared to his sisters. He was blond as a child, but his “darkness” manifested, as he got older. I am on the chocolate shade of black and the combination of our genes into our daughter is a beautiful shade of caramel, golden brown, “beige”, or however one can describe her shade. The funny thing is that she could pass for being a Latina because of her looks as much as she could pass for being a light skinned black girl. Whichever it is, does it really make a difference? She shouldn’t have to choose which side of the race scale. From the time I thought she could understand, I’ve educated her to know that she will face people who will dislike her because she’s got a white parent and those who will hate her for having a black parent. She’ll face jealousy because she’s beautiful, got pretty hair, and a slew of other things to hate her for. I’ve chosen not to sugar coat life for her because if I don’t keep it real with her, who will? She’s been raised to accept people for who they are and not the shade of their skin.

At an all too early age (preschool), my daughter faced an incidence of racism from a classmate whose father apparently doesn’t like blacks. The little boy who had previously played with my daughter came to school and called my daughter a little nigger. It’s safe to assume the father saw me picking her up and she was no longer a good playmate. What the *)*%_ is that about? (Rhetorical) Teaching racism at that age is a hate crime in itself. Naturally, I informed the director of what was said and insisted that the issue be discussed. Let me forewarn you, what this blithering idiot said to me was equally offensive. This man began to tell me about his black friend Darryl. “Black friend Darryl”, I repeated in my head. "Is this man shitting me?" Was my next thought. What in the name of all that is Holy would possess this man to twist his mouth to identify his friend by race? The worse part is that the story he went on to tell me bared no relevance to my daughter being called a nigger. I don’t recall all the details of the conversation, but I did promptly, firmly, and with all restraint, politely tell him that there was no way in hell that I would condone his dismissing what was said to my child as harmless and that the offending child didn’t know what he was saying. While that could very well have been true, that instance would be the first of many more to come if not properly addressed. I demanded an apology from the parent even if it would be insincere; it was the principal. The man needed to acknowledge that while he may feel promoting racism was his right, my right was to serve and protect my child from ignorant Asses such as himself. The meeting was held and the apology was extended. Oh, and one was later issued by the dumb ass director for his attempt of downplaying the incident.

Since that day, I continue to raise my daughter with a good sense of self. I encourage her to explore who she is, what her roots are, and to embrace her multi-race and cultural background. I don’t promote her blackness over her whiteness and I discourage her from doing the same. My daughter has friends of all races, is accepted by all races, and in my opinion doesn’t really care much about the color of her skin. Her mixed background does NOT make her a stain on herself or society. To further promote her sense of self, I discourage my daughter from being caught up in her external beauty. I enforce that she be a good person from the inside out. I encourage her to excel in school and all her activities and when she’s overly complimented on her looks, which tends to irk her, I tell her to tell the person that she’s an Honor Roll student and good athlete as well. By doing that, she removes herself from being a one-dimensional person into a whole being.

My insistance on her being viewed as a whole will reduce the need for her or anyone else to think she can get by on her looks alone. There is more to life than that and true beauty is not based on looks. Hell, look at Naomi Campbell; top model with the outer beauty only. She’s a mean spirited and nasty woman. Talk about a human stain. Sheesh! I refuse that to be the legacy my daughter leaves behind. Hellto da naw, not my kid, sorry!

I could go on and on about this issue, which for obvious reasons is sensitive to me, but I won’t. I’ll leave it at this…we are all, for the most part, a mixed bag of races. Unless someone can do a true genealogy study of their roots to determine themselves otherwise, let’s try to embrace people for who they are; that being the content of their character and not the color of their skin.

My mind is now at peace. :-)

The Company You Keep

First, let me say Happy New Year. I hope that you are have a blessed and properous New Year and that may your dreams, resolutions, and whatever you have chosen to accomplish will be accomplished.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to rant about today, and then I received this email and I was inspired. Last year I had a severe issue with the word FRIENDSHIP, so much so that I ended some, regained some, and reinforced some. Though each one was met with its respective emotion, I am still often curious about the word. Even moreso, I am often curious about the perception that certain friendships create. So, with that being said, read the following and draw your own conclusion. I will spend this year in the company those worthy of being called "my Friend". I capitalized the F because to be a friend is worthy of a title. Let us call people for what they are and stop honoring those unworthy with a title they don't deserve. In addition, the next time someone regards you a certain way, think about the company you keep and you might be in for quite an awakening.

It Is Better To Be Alone, Than In The Wrong Company

Tell me who your best friends are, and I will tell you who you are. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights. “A mirror reflects a man’s face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses.” The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate – for the good and the bad.The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people. As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don’t help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don’t increase you will eventually decrease you.

Consider this:
Never receive counsel from unproductive people.
Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how.
Not everyone has a right to speak into your life.
You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person.
Don’t follow anyone who’s not going anywhere.
With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it.

Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road oflife.
Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships.

The ranting ceases and I step away from the computer. :-)

Hold please!

So, I’m on the phone talking with a friend and engaged in a good conversation, when someone walked up to him and without regard for the fact that he was on the phone, immediately started a conversation. To add insult to injury, my friend partook in the conversation without saying, “hold on” or “let me call you back”. Ordinarily I don’t sit on hold for anyone unless it’s necessary for me to or it’s a business call, but I wanted to illustrate the point about extending courtesy. As I sat back and listened for a good few minutes, I became more irate, which made me even more determined to stress my point. So, my friend finally came back on the line and I promptly told him and he and especially the person who approached him, were rude. He asked why and of course I commenced to dish out the rules of phone etiquette. He apologized and I let it slide. This one time!

No, that’s not where this ends. Are you kidding me? When using the phone, there are many rules of etiquette. One of the things that irk me aside from what I just mentioned, is people with heinously loud ringers, especially in public. Do we all need to hear Usher, the Crazy Frog, or what other loud ass sound that blazes through the speaker? I understand that people like custom ringers, but do they have to be so freaking loud? No! In fact, as not to draw attention to yourself (unless that’s what you’re seeking) or have five other people reaching for their cell phones, put the phone on vibrate. At least you’re the only who’ll be alerted and you won’t get the crooked eye look when you startle people into heart failure. And stop having your phone on ring when you’re sitting in church or somewhere of similar quietness. Another thing that I find particularly annoying are voice greetings that sound like I’m prepping of a party and not prepping to leave a message. What’s up with that? A subtle instrumental in the background as you lay your vocals down is tolerable and preferred, but hearing Ice Cube screaming at me prior to me leaving my message will cause me to forget what I wanted to say, or in some cases, I’ll hang up. You’ll get a missed call alert and you can see my number on your caller ID. Oh, and why would you have some crazy greeting anyway if you use your cell for all calls? I’m sure Mr. Bill Collector doesn’t want to hear all that crap when he’s about to tell you you’re payment is late. (lol)

Moving away from cell phones, the same rules apply to work. Leave a simple outgoing message for folk and they’ll leave you a message in return. The expression, “you know you’re ghetto when”, I apply that to folk who treat their work phones like their home or cell phones. Talk about unprofessional! People, grow up, we’re not in high school anymore.

Now, this is something that both tickles me and irks me at the same time. Someone calls, but doesn’t leave a message and then calls you back later to say, “how come you didn’t call me back?” To them I say, “did you leave a message?” They say, “no”. I say, “that’s why.” Or on the flip side to that is, they say, “well, you have caller ID, you saw that I called.” I say, “and?” or “you could have called me by accident or you it couldn’t have been important or you would have left a message.” I’m many things, but a mind reader isn’t one of them, sheesh!

I hope we have all learned a valuable lesson on how to conduct ourselves on the phone and how to use the phone in the least offensive way; and that concludes Phone Etiquette 101.

Transmission over. :-)

Can you hear me now?

BV gets a break this morning. Fortunately for them, there was nothing buzz worthy for me to speak on. Thank goodness! Lord knows I needed a mental health break from the crap they post. I do; however, have a couple things on my mind that I think I need to speak on. The one that seems to dominate my thoughts regards women and how they perceive what’s being said to them. Men, I know you’ll thoroughly enjoy my female bashing, while women on the other hand will commence to calling me every bitch known to womankind and I’m cool with that. I’ll just take it as “…the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” Stolen from Jack Nicholson in that damned movie that I can’t think of the title with Tom “crazy couch jumping” Cruise and Demi Moore. Anyhoo, here I go

Women, you always say you want a man who’ll tell you the truth no matter what. It’s further said that you don’t want a man that plays games and strings you along. Right? Right! Then, why is it that when you find such a man, you have a hard time understanding the words that come out of his mouth? (Said in my Chris Tucker from Rush Hour voice…lol). Sorry, I’ll get back on track. For example, I have male friend who’s back on the dating scene. He’s a good guy, honest, kind, warm, sensitive, giving; you know, all the quality attributes you say you want in a man. So, he starts dating and tells the woman up front, that he doesn’t want to get into anything serious and wants to just hang out etc. Chic is cool, says she understands, and can roll with it no strings attached. Things naturally are great at first, then bam! Chic starts catching feelings. What da? Now, I can respect her in the sense that you can’t control your feelings and if you’re digging someone, you’re digging them; I’ll give her that. But what I don’t get is that somewhere along the way, chic said she too didn’t want to get into anything too heavy due to her life’s circumstances. Naturally, this changes the course of things and they need to have “the talk”. Dunt, dunna, dah! (that’s the drum roll if you didn’t get it at first!) So, they have “the talk” and things are seemingly fine, but then them damned pesky feelings get in the way and he has to pump the brakes and eventually terminate the relationship.

Women, help a sista out here. What part of “I’m not looking for a relationship” didn’t get heard and most of all, why? I think my boy was clear and fair with what he did and didn’t want. He was open and honest with her all the way. Yes, I know this for a fact, so stop the neck rolling and finger waving aiight! Of course, being the sensitive and caring guy that my boy is, he tries to give chic another chance. At first things are cool, then she starts with the feelings sh*t and gets all clingy and what have you. The bell sounds, the end of the round and he has to terminate things altogether.

Now, here’s where I have the issue. Women want a man who’s fair and honest. Chic had a man who was fair and honest, but she effed it up by not respecting the boundaries they BOTH set. This is not the first time this has happened to my boy and frankly I’m getting tired of it; hence what prompted this ranting. Ladies, ladies, ladies! The “adage careful what you wish for, you might get it?” Well, this is a clear example of that. She got what she asked for, but couldn’t handle it. This practice has to stop. Women, you can’t say you want something, get it, then change the rules; that’s just not how it works. In addition, you can’t selectively hear things being said to you. If a man did that (though they often do), you’d have a fit and call him everything but the child of God, so you can’t have a double standard. If you want to be listened to, then you too have to listen. If you want him to respect the boundaries of a relationship, you too have to respect those same boundaries. What’s good for the goose really is good for the gander.

I see it like this, there are many women who fought and died for the rights we have now. They fought for us to vote, have reproductive rights, for equality, and countless other blessings. Now, I do respect many traditional values, but I do it with the conscious knowledge and execution that I can’t be picky about it. If a man tells me he only wants to be friends, then we can only be friends no matter how much I might catch feelings. If he says, and I agree that we’re friends with benefits, then that’s the terms of the relationship and the only way that changes is if WE mutually agree to it. Ladies, can you hear me now? Please, please, please, I implore you to take heed. Paying attention could save you a lot of time lost, heartache, and in some instances embarrassment from playing yourself out or being played out.

Just as it’s said that a man will be a man, a woman will be a woman too, but those so-called “preset” gender qualities are only there because we perpetuate them for our own selfish and in some instances, stupid reasons. It gives us something to bitch about when things don’t go our way. If you’re not getting what you want from the person you’re with, tell them. If the terms of the relationship change or you want change, speak up. Stop playing dumb! And finally, if you can’t deal with the heat, the hell out the damn kitchen. Playing with fire will only cause you to get burned unless you’re a stickler for pain and suffering.

Men, if you’re a real man, and by that I mean, you’re actually capable of expressing yourself without the use of your penis, I applaud you. Being kind, caring, sensitive, open, and honest is what makes you man. There is no shame in that, so don’t change. Don’t get sucked into the bullsh*t of some woman crying or whatever she does to manipulate you because you allegedly hurt her feelings. You told her what you did and didn’t want up front and if she can’t heed what you said, that’s not your fault.

Women, stop playing games. You know you’re capable of sex for sex sake. Yeah, you’re damned right I said. If you’re capable of having sex with someone cause he’s a balla, drives a nice car, or can/will pays your bills, you’re a hooker (my opinion); then you can be a friend with benefits if that’s what you and dude agree to and not get in too deep.

I think I’ve said enough, hurt some feelings, but overall, I know I told the truth.

Nuff said. The kid has left the building! :-)

Celebs who could turn you out?

If I tried to explain how much my sides hurt from laughing, you would be here for a while, so I’ll just liken it to, I’d rather be in labor. Yes, I laughed that hard.

I just read the BV message board and saw a recycled thread asking which “celebs who could turn you out?” I laughed at some of the names mentioned and cosigned others, but overall sat in complete amusement because here we are, once again putting celebs on pedestals. Just because in fine doesn’t mean they’re good in bed. Good sex is subjective and very personal, so why perceive someone to be good when we don’t know for sure? Purely rhetorical, but I know I make sense. Let me take it one step further, you (men) look at Halle Berry and damn she’s beautiful, do you really think she’s willing to sweat herself up and truly get her freak on? Survey says…NO! Women, we all know Denzel is trophy fine, but deep down, do you really think he could turn you out? Survey says…Yes! What? Stop lying! You’re just saying that cause you’re willing to settle for the fact that you’re fulfilling a fantasy and will settle for a little less cause it’s Denzel. STOP IT! Don’t settle. If the sex isn’t good, it just isn’t good no matter whom it’s with. Come with me down memory lane…think back for a moment to some fine person you’ve wanted to get with and then when we got with them found out they were a dud. Yeah, I see the cringed faces…LOL! Now you’re feeling me. Let me pause for a moment because I’m hysterically laughing my black ass off.

Okay, now that I’ve calmed down for a second, I’ll continue. Imagine if you will a picture of you and I engaged in a kiss (yes, I stole that from Prince). Wait; let me pause for a second. Hell, you can’t kiss. What da %&)#*%)#*%? How the hell are you gonna be that fine and can’t kiss? What? Let me find out, this man’s gonna ruin my groove for sure now. Dammit! Let me explain myself. I’m of the philosophy that if you can’t kiss you can’t well, you know and that my friends is where the problem begins. On a rare occasion, there is an exception, but for the most part, it’s true. Kissing is the first step in physical intimacy and if the person you’re kissing doesn’t touch you in that “special” way, it’s a fair indication that the sex will be bad. Yes, I know this from experience unfortunately and I’ve also shared my philosophy with others and had them confirm it.

Now, back to the celebs who could turn you out or so you think. What exactly does being turned out entail? What stats are you using to gauge their turn you out capabilities? What are you bringing to the table? The list of questions is quite long and I don’t want to bore you with them all, but I’m sure you get my drift. Now, go back two paragraphs and read again…“sex is subjective and very personal”. While it’s fun to fantasize and think that looks is a determining factor of good sex, let me assure you of something fineness is not a precursor for being good in bed. Given the fact that looks attract you to someone, they sure as hell better have something to back their looks up. Well, that’s if you’re not a shallow and purely physically inspired person. Gasp! Yes, I said it cause there are lots of you who couldn’t give a rats ass about the content of character as long as you’re getting yours.

Personally, I get more of a kick at maintaining my fantasy because at least I’m guaranteed to get turned out. I’d rather that than have my feelings hurt to find out that my hunny can’t put the smack down. (Wiping potential tear away). Just in case you’re curious, cause I know you are; here’s a few who makes my list and the reasons they want me…lmao

Morris Chestnut (rumor has it he’s having marital issues and if he divorces, he’ll be looking for me)
Idris Elba (he’s a fellow countryman and will proudly say God bless the Queen…me!)
Maxwell (he’s read my poetry and wants to work me, I mean, work with me)
Denzel (appreciates a woman of a certain character…yes, I’m a character)
Michael Jai White (just because he does)

Well, that’s my afternoon rant. :-)

Cry for help!

I couldn’t help but laugh when I read one of the many bullsh*t threads on the BVs message board this morning and here’s why. Last week, a woman posted a thread seeking advise on how to deal with an ex boyfriend who was stalking her, leaving her threatening voice messages, and basically making her life hell. The woman received some of the stupidest responses imaginable. (Refer back to previous post if you aren’t familiar with my point) Anyhoo, this morning, I read the following thread from a woman regarding a situation in her life…

“…married…for 9 months…love my husband and do not want to start any problems, but my homeboy got out of jail this month and I want to keep in close contact with him…. been friends with my homeboy for almost 10 years...was locked up before I meet my husband though my husband knew that I wrote him while he was in jail, but I didn't let the mail come to my house, because I did not want him to get the wrong idea. My homeboy is like my brother. We never slept together; over like the first 3 yrs of knowing him we tried to about three times, but it never worked out (husband knows this). So I took it as a sign, it was never meant to happen. I used to chill over my homeboys house like 3 days a week after school and college. He was a really good friend. I don't want ANYTHING to disturb my marriage, but do y'all think that I could keep my homeboy and get to visit him and his family every so often and occasionally talk on the phone and not cause a problem with my husband. My husband is not insecure but he kind of like a lion he does not want anybody on his turf. How would I approach the subject to my husband?”

Now, keep in mind the advice the woman being stalked received, and then consider what I’m about to tell you were the responses for this woman’s problems.

“no disrespect intended, but I'm thinking that will all the great stuff going on in your life, new marriage, about to have a family, that your homeboy should just stay a distant friend for now. Your husband may not handle it too well that you are wanting to be close friends with someone (a male) that is just getting out of prison. It's probably best to let that friendship "slide" so to speak and just focus on your family and the good things coming your way. It's a difficult thing because you have been such a good friend to homeboy but I think as a good friend he would understand your focus on your husband and your pregnancy.”

The woman received this and similar responses suggesting that she keep dude distant and/or end the friendship all together in favor of her husband and her future. Now, while I can respect their thoughts on how she should deal with this issue, I am completely at a loss for words. Hell, all I can think to do is laugh at this juncture. How in the name of all that makes sense can people dispense “advice” (trust me I use that word loosely), to a woman who has already shown conflicting signs to both her marriage and her friendship what appears to be sound advice/support; and then turn around and give piss poor advice to a woman who was clearly in an extremely adverse situation? All I can say is, thank God for REAL therapists, counselors, and other people in the mental health profession because if I were in need of advice and reached out to those lame brains on BV, I’d be f*cked!

I don’t know the mentality or mind set of the people who post threads seeking advice and I’m not knocking them because everyone needs comfort, advice, and/or support, but for crying out loud, please consider whom you’re reaching out to. Forgive me for my jesting undertone, but I can’t help it. This kind of thing reminds me of the woman who write into women’s magazine’s complaining about not achieving an orgasm. I’m always left in a hysterical fit of laughter and/or wondering why people torment themselves in such a way. Let’s face it; some “problems” are easily handled with open and honest dialog in the case of the aforementioned woman. And in other cases as I just mentioned, talk to your partner. Hell, if you’re sleeping him, you should be able to speak to him right? If you can’t speak to him, talk to your Gyn. If you trust that person to inspect the inner sanctums of your anatomy, shouldn’t you be able to speak with him/her regarding your sexual problems? Thought so! My advice, spare yourself the long wait of a reply from the person who responds to those questions and spare him/her from secretly laughing at yet another person who writes in with this issue. (CTFU!) I’m sorry; I can’t help it. It’s not my intention to be mean or rude, but it’s just one of those things that make me laugh.

Well, I guess I’m done my mixed bag of ranting this morning. But let me end with this thought, if you have a dire problem, reach out to your closest, and nearest/dearest friends. I think they could give you the better advice than a bunch of strangers speculating on what is best for you. Your friends know you, have spend time with you, and for the most part, should be able to guide you in a non-conflicting manner.

Now that I've given my two-cents, watch me as I walk a-way! :-)

Are you kidding me?

I decided that today's rant would not be anst inspired, but of a more light hearted note; however, after reading a post on the BV message board, I couldn't help but be angry. I omitted some the extraneous stuff, but this is her post…

“…ended a 6-1/2 yr relationship…this July….tired of the relationship b/c he never like to do anything, and the only time he wanted to do something was if it was something he liked. We never went on vacation together and every time I would plan something, he would wait until the last minute to say he can’t go, and now that I don’t want him he has been calling me constantly. When I know it’s him I don’t answer my phone. I had his number blocked, …that didn’t help, b/c he just uses another phone. …changedmy phone number, which I was trying to avoid having to do…he calls me at work, leaving me messages, saying that he’s waiting for me to get over my anger, so we can talk and go head and get married…still loves me and he always will. What part of "I don’t want you"…doesn’t he understand? Apparently none of it. I’ve had it. I’m tired of him calling me at my job. There’s no need of me asking for a new extension at work, because he can call the main number. At one point he was coming to my apartment, but just my luck, I wouldn’t be home, and since he had a key…had a deadbolt installed. I told him that I was getting a restraining order…he says, is "do what you have to"…leaves messages saying do I want to have lunch and wants me to meet him so we can talk, but I refuse to meet him anywhere. Next thing you know, I’ll be another missing person. He knows where I work so sometimes I’m afraid to go outside during my lunch, and if I do, I’m always looking over my shoulders. I told him if he ever comes to my job, I will call security on him. I know we had this one girl that works in my building whose boyfriend took her hostage, that's why I won't go anywhere with him, and regardless of that, I love my life. What can I do to get it through to this guy that it’s over, I don’t want him, leave me the F**K ALONE. NEED HELP”

After reading that, I read the responses from other readers and would you believe that quite a few of them suggested that she take him back or consider meeting him. I immediately said, and out loud, no f-ing way! I was like are you f-ing morons insane? This woman’s life is at stake at these simple ass minded people are actually suggesting that she take him back or meet him. I think after 6 ½ years this woman has taken more than she needed to. Someone said, “well he didn’t cheat on you, so why not give him another chance?” Give me a mutha-effin break! She’s given him years of chances. Naturally, I don’t know anything other than what she posted, but I’ll hazard a guess that she’s not lying. And for the record, we all know or have known someone in this situation.

Help me out here people because I know I’m not the only one thinking it, while the woman who posted this thread has a severe problem; it’s the people who responded suggesting that she take him back or meet him with the problem. I mean for crying out loud, would you suggest taking a man, or woman for that matter back who has not regard for your wants, needs, or a form of a simple request to be left alone back? Yes, I understand 6 ½ years with someone is a long time and no, you may not want to give all that up, but according to this woman, this was not a relationship at all. Not when she was the one in a perpetual deficit. I’m supposing that he hadeverything to gain fromthe relationship and that’s why he wants to “work things out”. But my response is, work what out? You ain’t, (forgive my lack of appropriate diction) done sh*t for me or with me and you wanna work sh*t out? Mutha-effer please!”

I see it like this; this woman needs to report the harassment she’s receiving to her immediate supervisor and to security. Have them listen to the constant messages he leaves in her voice mailbox and use it as part of her complaint and file the Restraining Order. While there is no way she can feel totally safe, save for moving, she needs to have something recorded somewhere. Erring on the side of caution is a good way to protect herself.

Woman (and men) you’re more likely to be killed by someone you know than someone you don’t. Please don’t ignore the warnings signs and more importantly don’t ignore your gut feeling. Too many lives are lost and/or compromised by making misguided judgments or listening to the f’d up suggestions of idiots who believe you should welcome bullsh*t in your life. Life is short and life is precious. This is not a dress rehearsal and we can’t turn back the clock. So, I say live it up, live it right, and damn sure live it with as little unnecessary drama as you can. Eff whatcha heard about making peace and not holding grudges. Eff dat! (sorry, Annie, my alter ego got loose for a minute). Seriously though, while it’s good to let bygones be bygones, you can’t control someone else or their actions. Do what you can to be happy and certainly do what you can to be safe. Walk away as far away as you can from the jacked up people and let God handle them.

In closing I’ll leave you with this final thought…consider your sunrise and then your sunset. There’s a gap in between them; make them count. Say it with me, “make them count”.

Just nasty!

I hadn't planned on posting another entry today, but I really need to vent. In some ways I'm a creature of habit and one of my habits is to use the same stall in the ladies room at work. A little while ago, I had to use "my stall" and was greeted by the red, nasty residue some disgusting heffa left on the seat. I clutched my stomach and raced to another stall while trying to prevent myself from peeing my pants. As I sat, all I could think of was why whomever the nasty heffa was didn't think to clean the seat after she soiled it. I mean, come on; it's not like she didn't notice it as she turned around to flush. Images of what this woman's home must look like twisted my usually iron-clad stomach into knots.

The more I thought about it, the more p.o'd I became. I think about all the times I've heard woman rant and rave about how nasty men are. I hear them say, "I won't read a paper after he's read it because he takes it to the bathroom". Or, "he don't wash his hands after he pees." The list is endless, but yet, I go into the ladies room and get hit with the Red Greeting. If that's not nasty, someone please tell me what is. I've personally seen a woman use the bathroom, heard all her sound effects, and watched her leave the room without washing her hands. This same woman coughs like she's about to cough up chunks of her lungs. Hmmm? Doesn't wash her hands, coughs like an Emphasyma patient, you do the math. Did you come up with she's a germ magnet and transporter? If you did, you get an A. If not, you need remedial classes. Or maybe a lesson in hygeine....LOL! Just kidding. Now, I'm not suggesting this is the woman who left the Red Greeting, I'm just saying. Actually, I'm saying that WOMEN ARE NASTY! That's right, I said and I meant it.

I've spent days in a field in the middle of the mountains at Fort Drum, NY and still managed to stay clean, not stink, wash my hands, and even curl my hair with a portable butane curling iron. So, I don't want to hear about folk not being able to wash their hands in a rest room with at least four working sinks. I also don't want to hear that there was no way for someone not to clean the nasty @*%%&)&#% mess they left behind when the cleaning cart is just outside of said rest room.

So, now you know what caused me to take leave of my faculties and have me post another entry today. And from this I say to all, clean up behind yourself when you use a public restroom because trust me, there's someone like me looking at you with a crooked eye.

To accept or not to accept, the gem makes the difference

During my usual perusal of the BV message board, I was again amused; more so flabbergasted at the threads for today. The one that stood out the most asked, "if you were proposed to with a CZ, (cubic zirconia for the jewelry challenged) would you accept it?" My immediate reaction was "you're effin (used the real F word) kidding me right?" I could not believe that someone would be shallow enough to even think to pose such a question. Now, don't get me wrong, I love me some jewels, but how could a woman not in clear conscious damn a brutha for popping the question with a CZ. Hell, she might be so damn caught up on the moment to even realize that it's not a diamond. (Sheilding my ears from the echoes of gasping!) I hear woman saying, "what do you mean, not be able to tell a real from a fake?"

Anyhoo, I see it like this, there are many women out there who would plague a brutha to death for a proposal, so why not be happy with what he gave you? Maybe he can't afford the bauble of your choosing or maybe he has issues with diamond mines and opted for the CZ as his small contribution against slave labor/wages. I would think that in this day and age where diamonds have lost their value to misappropriated reflections of wealth...the almighty Bling; or the celebrity who sports a Titanic sized diamond for a few months to later end the engagement for some other stud of the month. People please! (sounding exhausted!)

Yes, it's a beautiful thing to sport a damn near flawless diamond engagement ring, (I said damn near flawless cause to hear women tell it, that's what she wants/expects) but consider that fact that he did propose and it's his love and commitment to you that should count more so than the gem that sits in a band.

My closing thought is this, how come it's okay to floss a CZ at the club or wherever you (women) when out and about, but if a brutha tries to propose with one, he's wrong? Women sport fake Louis Vuitton's, Coach, Gucci, or Fendi bags on a regular like it's real, so why not sport a CZ too?

Okay, nuff said and my ranting is over.