20 January 2009

it's a fantastical (my special word) day in the neighbourhood

This is a day like no other. It's the day when the 44th President is elected into office. Not just any 44th President, but the first black/bi-racial one and one who the United States of America elected into office proudly. While I wish I could be in D.C to be in the midst of this historical moment, I'm still happy that I'm alive and well to live this day in history and with God's blessing the entire term of Barak Obama's presidency.
I'm proud that this nation and the world has come out to rally their support for Barak Obama, Joe Biden, and their respective wive and families. I truly hope and pray that change will come and that nationally and globally we will all be effective in making this world a better place.
I love that Barak Obama truly is African-American. I love that Barak is proud of his bi-racial/bi-cultural background. I love that he has a black wife and is a great father. I'm honored to have a First Lady that looks like me; that shares the same values as me, and who'll be a fantastic role model for the young ladies out there. The Obama's are The Black Family that we should want to be and be a part of; however, this is not solely about blacks or people of color to aspire to, but for ALL people.
This country needs guidance, a good moral foundation, and the ability to believe that whatever you put your mind to is achieveable and I think we've got someone who's going to provide that which we need, but we have to play our part too. We elected Barak Obama & Joe Biden into office so we have to step up; step up; step up! Now is not the time to become complacent because we've finally gotten something we feel we deserve or were owed. We as a people; as a nation; and as a collective need to pray for our leaders, lend our support where necessary/applicable, and do something that exceeds what we've grown accustomed to. Stand for something, be a part of something good, lead, feed, and if you seed; take care of your children. We've shown we can come together as a people; hence, our current President-elect, so let's stop the fighting, killing, and negativity and walk tall and proud.
Swaggarlicious is how I recently described Barak Obama as I watched the Innaugaral Concert while talking to my cousin on the phone. He's got what it takes; do you?
Love to live; live to love!

17 January 2009

I want it all dammit!

This post ain't for the cynical, the romance haters, or those who are bitter and have given up on love.  

As stated in my post, "too hard for my own good, but i'm gonna do it anyway", I love to hard for my own good, but plan to do it anyway.  Why?  Because I truly believe that two people who are really deep into each other; who've grown as friends and become lovers can have that connection where they never have to question the love between them.  I believe that when you're not afraid to be loved for your flaws and not being seen as unrealistically perfect, but perfect in another's eyes; that's when you've reached the pinnacle of what relationships are about.  

I believe in love at first sight, destiny, fate, and serendipity.  I believe that love can heal and purify.  I know that love can be a painful thing sometimes, but I still firmly believe that it's something absolutely magnificent.

I know that's it's possible to love someone inexplicably, unequivocally, and with wild abandon and that's the kind of love that I want and the kind that I'm gonna have dammit!  I absolutely refuse to have the kind of relationship where we're too caught up in our daily grind to make a quick call, send a txt or email, or use any of the many forms of modern day communicative means to let the other person know they're being thought of or are special.  I'm gonna be in a relationship where the following take place:
  • we devise little codes to "check in" or say, "thinking about you"
  • we carve out a some time each day to wind down with each other
  • we cherish the small and simple things 
  • we have "date night"
  • we never go to bed mad
  • we say "I love you" everyday
  • we turn the phones off, shut the world out, and be the only two people on the planet
  • we write notes and sneak them into each others pockets or bag
  • we use songs to speak when our own words fail us
I know to many this all sounds rather utopian and unrealistic, but it's not and that's why I prefaced this post with what I did and you should just stop reading now.  I mean NOW!

I'm so sick and tired of hearing people bitch, whine, or complain that is or that isn't working in their relationship yet do little or nothing to fix the issues.  Yea, I know we may have kids, or a demanding job, or some other thing that requires a lot of our time or energy, but screw all that. Without that love, support, and nurturing, you might as well just chuck it all in and be a robot or slave to the machine.  

It only takes just a few minutes to show someone you care or love them. The time many take to forward something that claims your a shitty friend if you don't send the txt/email to 9 people; or that God's gonna hate you if you delete the prayer; or one of the many other FWDs that get sent via txt or email; we could use that time to reach out to our significant other, spouse, or even our children and say something nice.  A kind word goes a long damn way and the more we use them, the easier it is for them to flow and the stronger our relationships will be and the more love that will be spread.

So again I say, if you're still SOS (stuck on stupid), stop reading this post NOW cause I'm not done.

Reverting back to the title of this post, I repeat that I want it all.  I want to love and be loved like love was my preserving breath.  I want to live each day knowing that I'm giving the best of who I am to whom I love and that I'm going to get that in return.  I friggin deserve it and I'm gonna get it.  I'm not gonna settle for percolating drips of love that is only dispensed at the others convenience.  Screw Valentine's Day because that's one of the biggest crocks of shit I've experienced.  If we love each other, then EVERY DAMN DAY IS VALENTINE'S DAY!!! EVERY last one of them.  I don't need some overly commercialized "holiday" to prove I'm loved or that I love someone.  While, my angst against Valentine's Day could be interpreted by some as cynicism, trust and believe it's not; I've felt this way for a very long time and have save former boyfriends and an ex-husband a lot of time and money foregoing it.

I'm gonna be in a relationship where we aren't afraid of PDA.  Well, I'm not into "get a room" type of PDA, but hey, if the moment calls for it, then so be it. *lol*  I'm gonna be in a relationship that where possible, we call out sick just to stay home and make love, or we meet for lunch, or surprise each other with something without there being an occasion.  Laughter will be the adhesive that also keeps us together because it's needed to enhance the love and uphold the joy of our being together.

Well, there you have it people.  This is my story; my wish; and what WILL be my future.  

Love to live; live to love!

15 January 2009

easy vs. difficult

Life is a series of opportunities missed or taken. We all have choices in life and how we live our lives. Personally, I choose to live good, happy, and fruitful life, but I realize there are those who choose other. Well, that's their perogative, but don't hate me for the way I live.

I received this is my inbox this morning and it confirmed what I just stated. Life if not always easy; however, it can be good...How do you plan to live? Easy or Difficult.

Easy is to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes

Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue

Easy is to hurt someone who loves us.
Difficult is to heal the wound...

Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness

Easy is to set rules.
Difficult is to follow them..

Easy is to dream every night.
Difficult is to fight for a dream...

Easy is to show victory.
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...

Easy is to admire a full moon.
Difficult to see the other side...

Easy is to stumble with a stone.
Difficult is to get up...

Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value...

Easy is to promise something to someone.
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...

Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day...

Easy is to criticize others.
Difficult is to improve oneself...

Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them...

Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.

Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action...

Easy is to think bad of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...

Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give

Easy to read this
Difficult to follow

Easy is keep the friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings

Love to live; live to love!

12 January 2009

girl, fix yo face!

What is with these girls and women who walk around with this perpetual scowl on their faces or looking like they smell shit all day long? OMG! It's so annoying to see. The other day, I saw a girl who couldn't have been more than about 13 and she had this look on her face like she'd worked for the past 20 hrs and was about to work 20 more. To add insult to the situation was that she was a pretty girl, but she sure as shit looked a triple hot mess with that damn scowl on her face. I also saw a 20 something year old woman who had that, "I smell shit" look on her face and I'm like, no friggin way.
This isn't the first time I've seen this look and I'm sure it won't be the last, but what is it all about? I have no idea what makes these girls/women walk around looking like they have absolutely nothing to live for or smile about. Is this something I missed in Black Girl Charm School? No, for real, because these girls/women where it like they were taught to look like that. White girls don't walk around with this scowl, so it got me to thinking that it's seriously a "black girl" thing.
I know it's hard out there for black women, but it can't be that hard that we're walking around looking like we're going to gouge the eyes out of the next person who looks at us. Has anyone else noticed this phenomenon? It saddens me because it seems like we're conditioning our girls to look intimidating or menacing. I've often wanted to ask them what is really going on to make them look that way, but truth be told I'm a little scared just in case they flip out on me.
All jokes aside, this is something that really bothers me. I want to understand what this is all about.
love to live; live to love!

09 January 2009

too hard for my own good, but i'll do it anyway

I've been reading a brutally honest series from my girl Hawa and something she said rang a bell and ultimately struck a cord.  She mentioned that she's passionate when it comes to love and I identify with what she said in so many ways.

When I love someone, I love hard.  I give them all I have and all I am in letting them know their role, worth, and importance to me.  I'm loyal, committed (sometimes committable), and play hard and play for keeps.  I ask for all of the above in return, as I believe in treating someone how you want to be treated.  It's been quite a while since I've been in love and quite honestly I miss it. I miss the companionship, the simple pleasures/joys, the opportunity to spoil someone and be spoiled, and most of all, I miss the feeling.  You know, those butterflies, the yearning, and all that comes with it...THE PASSION!

In my experiences, I've been hurt, used, cheated on all in the name of love.  I forgave, tried again, and thought it would be better the next time.  In some instances it was; well, at least for a little while, but it all pretty much ended up the same.  Truth be told, I honestly didn't do anything to warrant the crap I got, but I guess that's all a part of the process.  I'll give credit where credit is due and state that there were a couple who loved me for me and loved me in the best way they could.

I've tossed the idea of whether or not I'm relationship material given my past, but I've since allowed myself to see past the damage caused in my past and am trying to see myself in a loving and nurturing relationship.  I want feel those feelings that emanate when you're really connected to someone.  I want to share my deepest emotions with someone.  I want to love and be loved.  I've reached the point in my life where I've checked the baggage and the only person entering into any future relationship is me; whole; unfractured me.  It's been no easy task getting where I am now and please believe, I'm still rather cautious about this whole love thing, but I can't deny that part of me that's once been loved so well and helped forge the woman I've become; so I think I owe it to myself to honor that.  

The person I'm currently seeing is a good man and we have good times together, but I'm torn. I'm not sure if I feel the things that will lead to me falling in love.  My lil sis says, I should be patient and allow myself to grow,  (I was single for 2 yrs up until last summer) and see where things go. She thinks I need to not be guarded and voice my concerns with him.  I don't disagree, but his current actions aren't giving me room for much pause in his favor.  I will; however, remain a little more patient and speak to him on his current behaviour.  

This level of conflicted feelings is putting me in fight or flight mode and the latter feeling is prevailing, but I'll hold on a little longer. I prescribe the thought of "I'd rather be happy alone, than unhappy with someone", which also couples with my fight or flight conflict.  I hope that I'll find the love I want and need and I hope that I'll make the right decisions where my emotional well-being is concerned.

I've adopted a new mantra for myself this year "Love to live; live to love" and I hope that while I'm living that I will in fact find that love.

Mad love and big ups to Hawa for making me confront this "issue".

Love to live; live to love!

okay, so im confused :-/

What is with the number 3?  So, they say 3 strikes and you're out, but they say 3rd time's a charm, which is it?

I've been trying to figure this out and can't so I'm enlisting the assistance of my readers to aid in my understanding.  


Love to live; live to love!

06 January 2009

The Power of Forgiveness

So, it's New Years Eve, late afternoon, and I'm in bed trying to take a nap.  I'm unsuccessful in my attempt and my mind is racing.  It's too early in the day to take a Xanax, so I'm laying there listening to the voices having a party in my head.  A nagging and annoying repetition comes to mind and I finally yield and text the words, "I forgive you".  I didn't really care if I got a reply or not as the text wasn't so much about him, but about me being able to finally let go of a pain I'd been carrying even though I thought I was over it.

Hours later, I get a text back saying, 

Him:  "I forgive you too, but who's this?"  

I knew he knew who it was, but I humored his reply and replied saying, 

Me:  "it's Blu".  

Him:  "well hello, happy new year".

Me:  "same to you"

Nothing more was said and closure was established...or so I thought.

Fast forward to Saturday afternoon...

So, I'm home and I have to leave the house thought I don't want to, so I'm procrastinating like a mug.  I end up on the landline with male BFF and my cell rings.  It's him!  I let it ring as I'm debating whether or not to answer the phone.  I finally answer, deciding that I have no reason to ignore him as it would then obligate me in some way to return his call.  After the initial caution, formalities, and small talk; we actually start having a conversation.  

Readers when I tell you that forgiveness closes a door and opens another, it truly does.  OMG! I can't even begin to tell you how therapeutic it's been for me.  We spoke for almost an hour, held back some tears, and put some real and true closure on the turn of events that ended our 12 year friendship.  Many heartfelt apologies were extended (he to me) and I accepted each one with genuine appreciation and extended a positive for any of his negatives.  By conversations end, we both felt so much better and wished each other well with our respective lives.  

I don't know when we'll speak again and it doesn't really matter.  What matters is that I listened to that nagging feeling and found a way to heal and move on.  And that journey of a single text, opened the floodgates of an amazing reunion with some old friends whom I haven't seen or spoken to in like 20 years.

I'll tell you that story another day.


04 January 2009

well, it's about time!

Dearest readers:

I know it's been a long time since I've posted and there has been numerous reasons why I haven't posted, but I've missed it and all of you and have decided that I need to get back into not just blogging, but writing in general.

So, I ended 2008 with amazing blessings, healing, and closure.  When I tell you it was amazing, that pales in comparison to how it felt.  Awestruck is pretty much a good summation of it.  Well, with that said, I moved into 2009 poised, focused, happy, confident, just to name a few feelings.  

I truly feel that this year is going to be filled with so many wonderful things and that the universe will conspire in my favor and that things that due diligence will pay off.  

This is a short post, but rest assured, it will not be the last.