09 November 2008

and the readers say what?

Your current interest decides that things aren't working out because you decide not to rearrange your previously made plans because s/he has decided at the last moment that they're going to visit. You're gobsmacked momentarily at their lack of consideration, insensitivity, and unforgiving attitude because you're sticking to your guns and not allowing yourself to be manipulated and guilted.

You do the mature thing and try to reason with him/her and have them understand that it's not that you don't want to see them, but they've not considered that you in fact have a life that does not solely revolve around them. Shortly thereafter, they refuse to accept your calls and you say, the hell with it and go on with your night.

The next day, you receive no calls and you make no calls deciding that you're not going to give in to the selfish and errant whim of his/her attitude. Now, I need to add that this isn't the first time s/he has treated you like this. In the past, plans were made and not honored, you've been treated as the option not the priority, and you've accepted what minimal time they gave you instead of none at all. Your feelings were minimally considered throughout the treatment you were given and yet you decided; though skeptically taht things might change.

Another day passes and contact is made. S/he is still blaming you for the inicident and you're like "seriously?" You engage counsel of a trusted friend who might be able to provide some insight you can use to resolve the tension. You become the bigger person and try to resolve the situation and move on. You're met with a demeaning and dismissive attitude and you're now acutely aware that s/he's playing the victim. The call is ended on them saying they'll call you back and you go on with your day; business as usual. The next day, you receive a call from them asking why they haven't heard from you and you're like "WTF?", but don't really say it out loud. You try to engage in conversation and find it's yeilding nothing good and you find a way to opt out.

Yet another day passes, and s/he calls you essentially blaming you for all the bullcrap that's going on in his/her life and how they're the victim of their own lack of direction, effectiveness, and action, but of course they never admit that. Instead that try to berate and demean you into submission. Knowing that they're full of crap and trying their damndest to defer, you stand your ground and speak your mind in no uncertain terms. When s/he realizes that they don't have you where they want to, they end the call. You laugh and go on with your evening.

Because you're the bigger person, you call the next day and say, "you calm now?" They say, "I'm always calm" and you say, "okay, then cool and pretty much end the conversation before it can go anywhere. A day passes and no contact is made from either party. Then today rolls around and they call you being all "normal". You chuckle to yourself and engage the conversation (such that it is) and put no real energy into him/her.

Now readers, if this had happened to you, what would you do? I'm curious to see how people respond to negative behaviour and treatment in a day and age when we should be so beyond the sophmoric attitudes that so-called adults are still displaying.

As for me, I'm simply amused and no longer really affected.

Cast your vote...

Love!

16 comments:

Keith said...

I would go on with my day on a business as usual basis and act as if nothing happened.. This person is using passive -aggressive tactics and the only way to counter act them is by ignoring them..This frustrates the person using them.

How have you been doing Blu?

Blu Jewel said...

Completely agree with your assessment Keith and that's actually how I'm handling the situation. I'm sure he was pretty confused when he called and didn't get any attitude from me. Why waste good time being negative right? Aside from being really busy, I'm doing well. Hope all is well with you too. Hoping to swing by your spot to catch up.

Love!

Ruthibelle said...

i'd be completely unaffected...

Believer 1964 said...

This is just another situation where the message is loud and clear, "take inventory and reassess the relationship."

Life is too short and you're a valued person. Don't stand for being an option rather than the priority you should be. This goes for girlfriend relationships too! It's not easy accepting that folk are not invested the same in a relationship.

Do you and don’t stress, and please keep it movin’. Next!

Mizrepresent said...

Wow, i really hate this kind of thing...and to be honest, unless i was really into a relationship with this person, the me (where i'm at now) will disconnect. I know, not a good thing. In fact, DUDE (the guy i'm talking to) always say at the the first sight of trouble i duck and run...(sidebar- can't help it...been thru some ish in the last 2 years that make me run)...but he has also enlightened me to the fact that some things need to be discussed, and some things need to be left alone. I am getting better dealing with issues, controversy, but i'm not all there yet...i don't like to be angry, can't stand to argue, so i walk, it's easy, hurts a bit and sooner or later i'll get over it, but what i will not do is subject myself to ill-treatment for any length of time.

Blu Jewel said...

@ruthibelle - amen!

@believer - thank you for your continued support and your words of wisdom. And you're right, girlfriend relationships often need scrutiny too. In this case, I've divested and while he's not completely out the picture, he's certainly in a special category.

@miz - lady, how many times am I going to be reminded that we truly are twin souls. I, too, tend to retreat and want to fall back at the sign of drama. Disassociation is easy for me, but I was trying not to fall into those old habits and that's why he actually lasted as long as he did. The only reason why I even entertained his foolish phone conversation where he tried to go off was because I knew I was absolutely right and there was no way he was going to pawn his ish off on me. Nah, I'm not that girl anymore. I've come a long way with relationships and I refuse; repeat; refuse to train a man to treat me bad.

Love!

Darius T. Williams said...

I would do what you're doing...go on and not really be affected by it. Life is too shore and God is way too good!

Mr.Slish said...

All this talk talk talk...Sounds like the both of you need to BONE it OUUUUUUT...Just get primal! Rip each others clothes off and do some heavy breathing...That's why ole boy was so upset...Probably backed up and needed a good ole dose of Bluey. When he couldn't get it his swollen nuts caused him to have a HISSY fit...BONE IT OOOOOOUT.....lol

Blu Jewel said...

@darius - Amen bruh; amen!

@slish - you know what? you're just too damn much. the sad part is that you're probably right, but he didn't need to come out his dyam face like that.

love!

dessex said...

I would not be affected I would just keep it moving. I don't let stuff like that phase me

iriegal said...

Life is 2 short for controlling people. Sadly, the above scenario years ago would have been me. I would of called, "guilt ridden" and would have apologized for something I did not do...

I have stared listening to Alicia Keys, "A woman's worth." ..and found my worth

T.C. said...

totally unaffected...when you can see that its passive-aggressive and a fible attempt...you just ignore...laugh to yourself and brush it off...

nikki said...

cut his ass loose. went through the same thing and life is too short for mental games.

BZ said...

I guess I just have no energy for foolishness any more. I toss up the deuces and say, "Get at me when you can be grown." If they never do, it's their loss.

Love you, sis!!

Kofi Bofah said...

A few degrees away from the discussion, but you and your readers may be entertained by this:

She is Just Not That Into You

karrie b. said...

it seems ppl would much rather be negative then positive. these are the ppl i slowly begin to eliminate frm my circle.

-kb