26 June 2008

confessions!

I'm a hater! I'm currently hating on those in a loving/lasting relationship

I am ready, willing, able to love; it's just so damn elusive

I apologized to someone I was once involved with for the hurt/pain I caused them during our relationship.

I admitted that while I'm a good person, back then I was in an effed up place and my being in the relationship wasn't good for either of us

Ex agreed and it feels like a weights been lifted

I have struggled all week at work because my professional ambition is currently low

I secretly enjoy being to "assimilate" because white people treat me as if I'm "less black" and then they say what they really feel without thinking about it

I then use that knowledge to insult them in the most pleasant and articualte way for their ignorance

I recalled something that I used to do and it made me sad because it showed how I used to allow myself to be used

I thought about telling the person whom was a part of this "thing" I did, but I doubt that it's a good idea

I wanna cuss someone out for hurting my friend, but I know I can't so I'm encouraging him to end their friendship

I considered (soley to myself) what it would be like to intentionally treat someone bad...I could never exact it though

I want to do something random, impulsive, and borderline reckless really badly

I've often wondered what getting a "Happy Ending" after a massage would be like (massuese would have to be male of course)

I have this one ex that I'm really curious to know where/how he is...not for sexual reasons, but just because

In my head, I have a son named Carl Anthony because lil lady stated she wished she had a little brother to spoil and that's the only way she'll get one

I'm hoping for parole from current stink on Writer's Block because I really need to get my stuff published, but I have myself to blame for it not being done already

I know many of my family secrets and I really want to blurt some of them out cause I'm tired of it all

Love!

16 comments:

jus butterfli said...

i LOVE this list! i LOVE the concept of confessions; they are, indeed, good for the soul! :o)

some of these are quite interesting... made me say, "hmmm..." but i'm sure that's only because i know you! (LOL)

anyway, i'm going to go ahead and say it for the record: expect to see this on my blog in the very near future! you know how i get down, toots! ;o)

peace! love!

Darius T. Williams said...

So, you wanna cuss somebody out. I say do it!!! LOL - nah, keep your cool. I have cussing god-mother though, just give me their number and I'll have her do the job.

Organized Noise said...

Automatically, "Confessions" by Usher is playing in my head.

It's been a long time. just passing through to say hi.

Mr.Slish said...

You want to do something reckless...Haha...

Okay around 12 midnight wearing your cleanest pair of bra and panties matching set ofcourse...I want you to do 5 push ups in the middle of the street while yelling " I LIKE IT" after each one...lol..

Get back to me....

Kai C. said...

im on the same boat with you! i'm hating on loving/lasting relationship too.

ShAĆ© - ShAĆ© said...

Girl you sound tormented. In your words you're basically a good person, so why are you turning around and acting out?

To hell with your employees that say whatever. Correct them real time so you don't have to harbor things to 'sneak attack' them with later.

And don't be a relationship hater, be the best you that you can be and it will come.

But I'm sure you just venting though right?

If that's you in the profile pic you're much too pretty to be a hater! LOL

YAZMAR said...

confessions....doing something reckless...yeah I have those thoughts to since that part is totally out of the norm for me...think im going to do it too...lol

love and relationships is a dangerous game...that's what Millie Jackson said....but vwe all gotta take that leap (again) sometime right?

Don said...

I want to do something random, impulsive, and borderline reckless really badly yep. it does provide a mental and sometimes physical release.

me too @ I apologized to someone I was once involved with for the hurt/pain I caused them during our relationship. i kinda realized that i touched them in a bad way. they said they had been forgave me, but, like you, it was more for my own peace of mind.

Aunt Jackie said...

i'm gonna tell you like my daddy used to tell me...

if your problems are weighing too heavily on your mind...get a six pack of St. Ides, or Colt 45 and sit on the curb and drink 'em all.

and he had an alternate when i complained that drinking malt liquor wasn't my thing....

pour gasoline on myself and light a match and see who calls 911 first.

clearly my father is a bit off;-)

but on a lighter note, a night of dancing with a little patron and pineapple always does the trick for me when I'm feeling some kinda way.

Believer 1964 said...

"I know many of my family secrets and I really want to blurt some of them out cause I'm tired of it all"

My family is no different. Secrets can really put a damper on a situation.

Don't you find that the cycle of secrecy is hard to break?

karrie b. said...

i wanna CHOKE SLAM someone for hurting my friend...so i guess it's best that i don't.

and lmao @ u having an imaginary son.

ur the best.

-KB

Anonymous said...

Have you read mirages blog?

http://mirage-amirageofillusion.blogspot.com/

there is a scandal btw she and TLK pls spread the word peace

Blu Jewel said...

jus - i'm simply flattered that i'm posting things that are inspiring you to "steal" them from me. *lol*

darius - thanks for the offer, i'll keep that in mind.

slish - LMAO! You are funny as hell. The sad part is that it sounds like something I'd actually do given that I'm pretty daring.

kai c - fortunately my hate is superficial born out of envy, but my time will come.

shae - i'm simply venting. this is the release of things i've thought about and wanted to go through the mind dumping of them. and yes, that's me in the pic; thanks for the compliment.

yaz - ^5 on the reckless thing. people overreact to that thought, but it's not always as risky as it sounds. real talk on relationships.

don - sometimes just doing something that you didn't think you'd do is reckless in whatever capacity you act. true and real healing sometimes comes in form of that heartfelt and deep apology. isn't it good to know that you're forgiven and you forgive yourself?!

aunt jackie - OMG! I was hysterically LMAO @ your dad. Yes, he's quite the character. A nite with Jack (Daniels) releases me from the madness. You're a stronger woman than me for handling Patron ^5.

believer - family secrets perpetuate dysfunction, divisiveness, and malignment. It's only because there are innocents involved why I don't speak up. At least I know I've healed myself in terms of the secrets.

karrie b. - so you feel me for a friends hurt? it's craziness, but you do still have to show restraint. I laught at myself for Carl Anthony, but it's kind of fun. Thanks for saying i'm the best...learned it from watching you *smile*

Believer 1964 said...

Why are go dishing up three words of day?! ;) I know one word. The other is Obama's phrase with the preacher, and the last word looks familiar. Let me stop!

I'm here to say that copying is the highest form of flattery. Okay, maybe not. I did confessions too!

T.C. said...

def can relate...why is it that free association list like this are always the best...maybe because they are free flowing and you don't have to answer to anyone not even yourself its how you feel and its really okay to feel that way...i really need to get back to that too, writing...one day and hopefully soon...

so glad you are back!!!

Ms. Confessions said...

Feeling this post. I love the honesty.