06 January 2009

The Power of Forgiveness

So, it's New Years Eve, late afternoon, and I'm in bed trying to take a nap.  I'm unsuccessful in my attempt and my mind is racing.  It's too early in the day to take a Xanax, so I'm laying there listening to the voices having a party in my head.  A nagging and annoying repetition comes to mind and I finally yield and text the words, "I forgive you".  I didn't really care if I got a reply or not as the text wasn't so much about him, but about me being able to finally let go of a pain I'd been carrying even though I thought I was over it.

Hours later, I get a text back saying, 

Him:  "I forgive you too, but who's this?"  

I knew he knew who it was, but I humored his reply and replied saying, 

Me:  "it's Blu".  

Him:  "well hello, happy new year".

Me:  "same to you"

Nothing more was said and closure was established...or so I thought.

Fast forward to Saturday afternoon...

So, I'm home and I have to leave the house thought I don't want to, so I'm procrastinating like a mug.  I end up on the landline with male BFF and my cell rings.  It's him!  I let it ring as I'm debating whether or not to answer the phone.  I finally answer, deciding that I have no reason to ignore him as it would then obligate me in some way to return his call.  After the initial caution, formalities, and small talk; we actually start having a conversation.  

Readers when I tell you that forgiveness closes a door and opens another, it truly does.  OMG! I can't even begin to tell you how therapeutic it's been for me.  We spoke for almost an hour, held back some tears, and put some real and true closure on the turn of events that ended our 12 year friendship.  Many heartfelt apologies were extended (he to me) and I accepted each one with genuine appreciation and extended a positive for any of his negatives.  By conversations end, we both felt so much better and wished each other well with our respective lives.  

I don't know when we'll speak again and it doesn't really matter.  What matters is that I listened to that nagging feeling and found a way to heal and move on.  And that journey of a single text, opened the floodgates of an amazing reunion with some old friends whom I haven't seen or spoken to in like 20 years.

I'll tell you that story another day.



chele said...

I'm glad this situation worked out in your favor.

dessex said...

I think every situation needs closure. And sometimes that closure comes in the weirdest form like text messages

Blu Jewel said...

@chele - girl, i am too. it was amazing and refreshing to finally get to this point.

@dessex - yes, many situations really do need closure and i'm glad i was able to find mine.

love to live; live to love!

T.C. said...

that is AWESOME such a powerful way to start off 2009...we gotta listen to self it will never let you down!

Wendy said...

Happy New Year Blu! I see that you are starting it off with a bang! Good for you. Stay Blessed!

iriegal said...

Praises to you sis. It is so important to have closure an healing in our life. You know you are right, it doesn't matter if you never speak to him again, it only matters that you had that moment of forgiveness.

It was raw and real and nothing can change that. ALl the best for your new year

Believer 1964 said...

I was pondering about this very subject recently and remember well the path I took when asking a certain someone for forgiveness. I never did get a response, but that’s not important. I believe that the nagging feeling to initiate the opportunity of forgiveness is more about getting free than anything else.

So glad you gave yourself the gift!

MysTery said...

You go girl! Glad things worked out and Happy New Year!!

Blu Jewel said...

@ t.c - trust me, what i did was not an easy task, but one i'm thankful for taking on.

@ wendy - sometimes being at your wits end, makes the beginning so much easier and worthwhile.

@ iriegal - i've experienced a level of peace and happiness that i've needed in my life and am happy for this opportunity to move on.

@ believer - i'm sorry your situation didn't go quite as mine did, but as you said, it wasn't so much about them, but your being able to heal and grow.

@ MysTery - Thanks! Happy New Year to you also.

Love to live; live to love!

Ruthibelle said...

that's wonderful!

hawa said...

Wow. Awesome. I can't wait to hear more.

Blu Jewel said...

@ ruthibelle - i'm reaping some wonderful rewards everyday as a result of this.

@ Hawa - girl, there is SO much more to this story. can't wait to tell you about it.

love to live; live to love!