07 February 2009

Left turn in Albuquerque

I "stole" that line from Bugs Bunny years ago and continue to use it because it makes some kind of perverse sense to me. I mean, who really goes to Albuquerque? And to have gotten there, you obviously had to have made a wrong turn right?! Well, I didn't bring you here to get a lesson in geography or my peculiar expressions; I'm simply feeling like I've made a wrong turn and am trying to get back on track.

I entered the dating world and while initially it seemed like something I would be able to do, I soon realized that I'd made a left turn in Albuquerque. I got off that road and then started back on my journey thinking that heading in another direction would yeild more favorable results. At first, I enjoyed the scenic route and thought that I was going in the right direction and then out of nowhere, here I encounter a detour and bam! I'm making yet another left turn; or at least it seems that way. I pull over on the Emotional Highway and sit at the Rest Area as I contemplate whether to continue on or make a u-turn and drive away as fast as I can.

While I'm sitting in the Rest Area, I start thinking about a love from my past and how I wished I'd had the courage and presense of mind to speak up and let him know how I felt because if I had, I might not be sitting in a Rest Area on Emotional Highway contemplating which way to go. I know we can never truly know what we would have done back then, but this is one of those occassions where I can be absolutely sure that had I; or even he, had been a little more forthcoming with our feelings I wouldn't even be writing this mess. I'd be happily married to a wonderful man who I loved and loved perfectly imperfect me in return.

Okay, so I know you're skeptical and I can't say I blame you, but I speak the truth. I absolutely know that with all my heart. How? Because I've spoken to him and every single feeling I had back then has resurfaced and then some. He's breathed new life into me and I feel like a child at Christmas because of him. Out of respect for him and his privacy, I won't divulge certain details, but the love I feel for him far outweighs any doubt that you may have. If you've ever loved with every fiber of your being, you'll know that you know what you know and trust your gut.

I'm not sure how long I'm going to be sitting in the Rest Area as I try to get my head and heart right/togetgher, but I'll stay for as long as it takes. There's a tow truck offering to pull me out of my rut and as nice as that is, I'm not sure that's the best course of action. I don't want to be on yet another detour or make another left turn. All I want is to be on the right road; heading in the right direction...is that really to much to ask for? Why can't I have it all dammit? I'm worth it!

Love to live; live to love!


Believer 1964 said...

I had to read this twice. ;)

You've recently spoken to him. Love has been reawakened.

This is cause for celebration.

Taking a wrong turn going anywhere and having the sense to stop look, and listen is a beautiful thing!

I've been a cheerer for you and your love since day one.

I believe in love!

Ruthibelle said...

I say take all the time you need to make sure you get on the right road and stay there this time...

Gosh I wish I knew how to get it all... cause I want it all too, dammit!! No, it certainly is NOT too much to ask... too bad asking doesn't guarantee the answer...

Mr.Slish said...

If we could have it all our lives wouldn't be worth living....