30 March 2009

PSA - Stop playing yourself!

So, I'm in a convo with one of my boys and he tells me about an incident with a chic and now she's acting all d*ck sprung. First, let me say, my boy's actions are not and were not condoned by me as I'm not one to promote cheating, but it was a one time affair and after cussing him out and punching him a time or two (wanted to Chris.Brown him), but I forgave him.

Story #1...Chic tells my boy that she wants to be with him. Not just in the bed, but in general. She cited that he was good and they did things that her Boyfriend hasn't done, and now she's got the desire to want to be with him. I go into immediate ballistic mode and am all kinds of ticked off. It's bad enough they both cheated on their S.Os, but chic has the presense of mind to think that justifies them both leaving their S.Os to take up with each other. HUH? Really? Chic knows little about my boys personality, habits, pros/cons, but she's wants to be with him. My anger increases.

We continue to talk and I tell him my slew of reasons why this scenerio is so wrong.

1) Given that their interaction was nothing more than a jump off, how is that breeding grounds for a permanent or stable relationsip?

2) If her dude isn't breaking her off right, then she needs to talk to him about it and find ways to improve their sex life and not run out there to get it from someone else

3) What makes her think she's got something or is doing something his girl isn't or hasn't?

4) She needs to exact a little self-respect and not think that she's all that because they had good sex. Good sex doesn't make anyone a good partner in other areas.

5) How would she feel if her dude did what she did and is throwing himself at some other chic?

6) How can she think that he'd have any grounds to trust her or properly respect her if she slept with him while she has a man and is now basically begging for the d*ck?

7) Does she think this is proper etiquette for a women nearing 30 to have?

Now, keep in mind that I'm not siding with my boy as he's doing his damndest to keep chic at bay, and was dead wrong for what he did; but he's not going to leave his girl for the jump off and knows she's not what he's looking for in a girlfriend anyway.

This is the kind of behavior that screams desperation, insecurity, immaturity, and stupidty. What woman in her right mind conducts herself like this and thinks that a man is going to find that attractive? I'm sure there are actually plenty, but speaking for my secure and mature sisters, we ain't getting down like that. This girl is setting herself up to get laid and played and nothing more if this was how my boy wanted to do her; or any other man for that matter. Fortunately, he's not inclined to treat women like that and is trying to distance himself from chic, but she sure isn't making it easy.

Story #2
This girl is also d*ck sprung and while she's been told on numerous occasions that what they had is over, she's still trying to find ways to get back in. Homegirl found a way to initiate conversation with my boy and as I forewarned him she would, is now trying to get him in bed. Fortunately, they don't reside in the same state, but she's the kind that would travel for the d*ck. Now, I'm not knocking a sister from seeking out what's good, but he's NOT hers; he's NOT single, and he DOESN'T want her, so why can't she get this through her head? I've had some good d*ck in my day that had me crossing state lines at a moments notice, but I sure as hell didn't beg or play myself for it. I've had low self-esteem, but never no/low self-respect.

Homegirl tried to flip the situation and make it seem like he was a punk or whatever for not responding the way she'd hoped he would, but that's her dumb ass fault for playing herself. She knows he has a girl and doesn't plan on leaving her.

Women, I've got to say this...PLEASE STOP PLAYING YOURSELVES!!!! You know who you are, you know you're doing it, and you need to stop. Find your self-esteem, self-respect, and stop reducing yourselves to the sum of your parts. No, there's nothing wrong with wanting to get yours and hell, I'm all for a woman exercising her right to be sexually fulfilled, but stop doing it with someone else's man. Stop begging for the d*ck or playing yourself out for it as you'll be the same women who'll send out inivitation to your Male Bashing Party and wait for other women like you to R.S.V.P so you can cry the blues and get drunk off your Haterade.

Contrary to what you might have heard, men don't really find this practice attractive or favorable. You are seen for and treated as the desperate women that you are. Granted, he might treat you well for the moment or whatever he does, but trust me; cause my boys done told me, that they really aren't into you like that. They're men and for the most part won't turn down some p*ssy. They're gonna beat it up, freak you out, and do whatever tricks you allow them to do (their words; not mine) because you let them and they're not leaving their girls for you. You'll become the subject of conversation where you're talked about with such distain that you'd hide yourself in a closet for days after hearing; just like my boy and I did.

Now, I'm not sitting on a morality pedastal and thinking I'm holier than thou because that's certainly not the case. I'm speaking on a situation that needs to be spoken about. I'm exercising the voice that some women need to hear. I think it's important for us as women to recognize and value our worth. Men will treat you the way you allow them to. I repeat, MEN WILL TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU ALLOW THEM TO. If you set the precedence of f*cking a men without really knowing anything about him, then you've set the stage for how you'll be treated. Here and there, there are exceptions to the rule; however, those are some rare occassions.

Men, I know you're gonna rarely turn down the opportunity for a quick roll, but think about the after effects of what you're doing. Consider that chic might go loco on you, key your car, call your crib or even show up to do damage to your relationship. She could do any number of crazy things because she's now a woman scorned, hurt, and rejected. Trust me, I know you know it's not worth it, so man up and do the hard thing; which more often than not is actually the right thing; and turn her down. Don't allow yourself to become the sum of your parts. There's no sex worth that much drama over.

Women, as I said before, please stop treating yourself with little or no respect and expect to get respect/ed. Yes, by all means get your sex on, but don't play yourself for it. Stop sleeping with someone else's man. Value yourself enough to be more than a hit and run.

PSA over...

love to live; live to love!


CareyCarey said...

Hello Blu Jewel

I rarely if ever get into these kinds of conversations but since you stopped by and called me crazy *lol* ...I'll say a little something. Nothing stops nothing except consequences. When the band stops playing and the lights are turn out ...some have to be run out of the parking lot. Then they run off down the street with their heads full. Red lights have little power against the formidable foes ...Ignorance, youngin-nish and self deception.

Believer said...

Cheating in relationships is no joke!

Did your man friend mention that he was in a "committed" relationship when he met chic?

CareyCarey said...

Hey Blu Jewel

Since we got our photos mixed up *smile* ...you'll have to skip on over so you can "see" the real me ...yeah, comments are welcomed ...as long as you behave yourself *lol*

Strongblkwmn said...

Cheating is risky. I say your boy rolled the dice and came up with snake eyes. Now he has to deal with the consequences.

I really wish women would care more for themselves and stop giving all of their power away to men, especially men who don't deserve the time of day.

Blu Jewel said...

@Carey - agreed! People have to exact some backwards thinking; meaning think of the end outcome first. My boy hadn't planned on doing what he'd done and I'll give him credit for being as faithful as he has. As I said, I'm not condoning what he did and do feel that he was wrong, but the deed is already done. What he needs to do is think of a way out of this or the additional consequences of his/their actions could escalate. Will certainly get into the real you. *smile*

@ Believer - agreed; cheating is risky. Yes, chic knew he had a girl, but I guess she didn't factor on getting caught up like she has. She needs to atone in some ways for what she's done and leave my friend alone. He needs to atone also. Each needs to refocus on their respective relationships and get back on track.

@strongblkwmn - agreed! cheating is risky and sometimes really not worth the post coital drama, but all too often we act before we think. yes, my boy rolled some crazy dice and better hope he can squash this situation. as i said, he was dead wrong, but i'll at least credit him with the fact taht he's actually a good guy and doesn't want to hurt the girl. he just wants her to let it be what it was and move on.

love to live; live to love!