I read this post Too Busy, by Mizjj and it served as the catalyst for this post.
Over the past year or so, I've taken inventory on some people I afforded the title friend. I realized for some the title was ill-deserved and had to revoke their association with the word. There were a few that I increased their status because in so many ways, they were more deserving even though I'd known them for a lesser time than the former. I had to come to terms with quality over longevity and just because one has chronological time in, doesn't mean they were still worthy.
It pained me to have to make the choices I did, but I realized I was over-invested and residuals weren't yielding good dividends. I realized that I could no longer be in the deficit and allow myself to continually be the giver and less frequently the receiver.
Recently, I went through great pains to locate someone I'd known since I was 14. We shared a lot of history together and he was someone whom I'd always considered a dear friend. Upon finding him, we shared a few intense hours talking and catching up and I was sure things between us would maintain with some frequency; they haven't. I could very easily make attempts to contact him, but why? He has my number and if per chance, he lost it; his cousin whom I'm also friends with has it. I'm not that hard pressed that I'll sweat him to keep in touch. While I do miss him; especially after how good things went when last I saw him, I can't force someone to do something that no longer comes naturally to them.
I know someone else whom I once considered the twin soul. We were instant friends and things between us were great; well, so it seemed. Long story short, he's too busy. Too busy to even send a quick text message to say hi. Granted he does have a lot going on, but who doesn't? We're all busy in some respects, but if someone means as much to you as they say, then a few minutes should be better than none at all. The sad thing is that I used to really enjoy talking to him and he was my "escape" when my life got crazy. Now, he's just someone I know.
There was also this other guy I was close to, but he got all weird on me and while he'd profess his undying love for our friendship, he became more and more distant. We talked about it all at length and things improved for a while, but it went back to distant and strained so now, we just "check in" from time to time. It seems odd in some ways, but at least we know how things are with each other and where we stand, so there's no real beef or issue.
I used to think it was women who acted shady when it came to friendships, but it's more than obvious than men have their drama too. I've never really been one for close female friends or company and can count on a few fingers the women I'd consider BFFs. Those are the ones who are more like my heart sisters. I do have a male friend who's my BFF and even though we can work each others nerves; he to me moreso than me to he; I wouldn't stop being his friend unless he did something hella foul. We've had our share of disagreements, but he'll make time for me if/when necessary and would never tell me no if it was in his power to help me.
It's people like him and my heart sisters that make me treasure the word FRIENDSHIP. I no longer throw it around gracing people with an undeserved and unearned title. The word is far too precious and means too much to have it demeaned or defiled by the undeserving.
As the Capital One commercial says, "what's in your wallet?" I ask, who's in your corner?