18 July 2007

friend, can you spare the time?

I read this post Too Busy, by Mizjj and it served as the catalyst for this post.

Over the past year or so, I've taken inventory on some people I afforded the title friend. I realized for some the title was ill-deserved and had to revoke their association with the word. There were a few that I increased their status because in so many ways, they were more deserving even though I'd known them for a lesser time than the former. I had to come to terms with quality over longevity and just because one has chronological time in, doesn't mean they were still worthy.

It pained me to have to make the choices I did, but I realized I was over-invested and residuals weren't yielding good dividends. I realized that I could no longer be in the deficit and allow myself to continually be the giver and less frequently the receiver.

Recently, I went through great pains to locate someone I'd known since I was 14. We shared a lot of history together and he was someone whom I'd always considered a dear friend. Upon finding him, we shared a few intense hours talking and catching up and I was sure things between us would maintain with some frequency; they haven't. I could very easily make attempts to contact him, but why? He has my number and if per chance, he lost it; his cousin whom I'm also friends with has it. I'm not that hard pressed that I'll sweat him to keep in touch. While I do miss him; especially after how good things went when last I saw him, I can't force someone to do something that no longer comes naturally to them.

I know someone else whom I once considered the twin soul. We were instant friends and things between us were great; well, so it seemed. Long story short, he's too busy. Too busy to even send a quick text message to say hi. Granted he does have a lot going on, but who doesn't? We're all busy in some respects, but if someone means as much to you as they say, then a few minutes should be better than none at all. The sad thing is that I used to really enjoy talking to him and he was my "escape" when my life got crazy. Now, he's just someone I know.

There was also this other guy I was close to, but he got all weird on me and while he'd profess his undying love for our friendship, he became more and more distant. We talked about it all at length and things improved for a while, but it went back to distant and strained so now, we just "check in" from time to time. It seems odd in some ways, but at least we know how things are with each other and where we stand, so there's no real beef or issue.

I used to think it was women who acted shady when it came to friendships, but it's more than obvious than men have their drama too. I've never really been one for close female friends or company and can count on a few fingers the women I'd consider BFFs. Those are the ones who are more like my heart sisters. I do have a male friend who's my BFF and even though we can work each others nerves; he to me moreso than me to he; I wouldn't stop being his friend unless he did something hella foul. We've had our share of disagreements, but he'll make time for me if/when necessary and would never tell me no if it was in his power to help me.

It's people like him and my heart sisters that make me treasure the word FRIENDSHIP. I no longer throw it around gracing people with an undeserved and unearned title. The word is far too precious and means too much to have it demeaned or defiled by the undeserving.

As the Capital One commercial says, "what's in your wallet?" I ask, who's in your corner?


Rosemarie said...

Who's in my corner? A selected few that are loyal and answer when I'm reaching out, and respectfully listen. I myself have done some inventory. It's important to take into account who's who now and again, and ask, "How is it workin' for us?"

I'm not sure how man friends should act. However, I would take a man boss over a woman any day.

Miz JJ said...

Who's in my corner? As I get the older the number is becoming smaller. I have less tolerance for bullshit and wishy-washy people.

The Mistress said...

I make regular cuts to the "friend list" and let me tell you...it gets shorter and shorter ALL THE TIME. I don't think it's a bad thing though....evaluating relationships is an important part of life and it's a healthy occurrence to shed unwanted human baggage from your life.

I do it all the time.

Blu Jewel said...

rosemarie - man friends are great or can be. the ones who got cut aren't bad, they're just bad at being consistent friends.

miz jj - thanks for your post on this subject and for giving me the insight for my own. and ditto on bs and wishy-washy people

mistress - so nice to see you (considering), it's always a pleasure to have you stop by. like you, rose, and miz jj, my list has gotten increasingly shorter and i'm a better person for it. Madonna said it best and right, "I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me!" that's how i feel about human baggage.

Wendy said...

Who's in my corner? Well, I am blessed to have two friends that I can go to no matter what and they have my back. In the past I had to let people go that where toxic, and I am all about positive energy. I feel if you can't be a friend to me like I am to you, then you aren't considered a friend.

DBA Lehane said...

Friendship, associates, colleagues, mates, lovers, partners, etc etc...all labels we stick on people we know.

It doesn't matter how we label people it's whether we like and trust them.

As life goes on, we change and so do the people we know. It's inevitable that time will make you like people less and others more.

Anonymous said...

I have three lifelong "ride or dies." 1 Male, 2 female. Everyone else is an acquaintence. That doesn't minimize the relationship but it's relative to how I feel about the 3.

So send me an application for BFF! LOL

Sweetstickychewy said...

Who's in my corner? Something i am revaluating much in my life.

A timely post i would say.:)

Rayne said...

It's hard to tell who's in your corner. My biggest problem is that no matter how much people profess to be your friend, they will betray you at some point. I don't have a friend in my circle who hasn't. But instead of cutting them off due to having some areas of weakness, I've learned a new way to trust and that is to trust people to do exactly what they've proven themselves capable of.