Cue in Jill Scott's "Celibacy Blues"...
So, without going into the specifics (time, date, months, etc) I'm currently celibate. It was a choice I made after the end of my last relationship where I felt I owed it to myself to be by myself and grow. It's been a wonderful opportunity to purge the old and negative habits I'd grown accumstomed to and it allowed me to truly learn to love myself more than just saying I did. I closed doors on people and things that were of no benefit to my life; I dug deeper into my spiritual knowledge; and stayed on the path that would yeild favorable results. It was important for me to not allow myself to be distracted by temporary gratification or the instant fulfilment of Mr. Right Now and simply wait and allow God to send me the "he" that was worthy of me.
The journey has been great and I've prided myself on maintaining my strength and committment to myself. Trust and believe it's not an easy feat when we live in a world where instant fulfilment is the norm; or where women sell themselves out for their next electric bill payment; or where the sancitity of fidelity has become almost passe. With my history (story for another day), it's for the most part pretty easy to not settle for a quick roll in the sack, but I will admit there have been times where I wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it. It was on those times I had to pray a little harder, think a little deeper, and continue to tell myself that I'm a woman worthy to hold myself in high regard no matter what. It's not easy refraining when you already know how good the act can be, but there is so much more I want than just the act. I want the intimacy and closeness that precedes and intercedes the act. Those are the things that can and will sustain a relationship when sex doesn't. Poll many couples married for many years and they'll tell you that being able to feel close to their partner, be held, kissed or caressed is extremely important. Anyone can have sex, but everyone can't or doesn't know how to be intimate.
Over the past months, my sex drive has been hitting some all time highs and I feel like I'm on Kinga Ka at Six Flags *lol*, but still I refrain. I can not and will not allow myself to compromise or be compromised; I'm just to damn valuable for that. Being celibate is my choice; however, it's not without the blues when you see couples together, or hear that song that does something to you, or you're just friggin horny. But I must continue on. When the person and time is right, I'll reunite with the pleasures of the flesh, but in the mean time and in between times, I'll continue on knowing that it's not the journey, but the destination.