19 February 2008

Celibacy Blu's

Cue in Jill Scott's "Celibacy Blues"...
Lyrics

So, without going into the specifics (time, date, months, etc) I'm currently celibate. It was a choice I made after the end of my last relationship where I felt I owed it to myself to be by myself and grow. It's been a wonderful opportunity to purge the old and negative habits I'd grown accumstomed to and it allowed me to truly learn to love myself more than just saying I did. I closed doors on people and things that were of no benefit to my life; I dug deeper into my spiritual knowledge; and stayed on the path that would yeild favorable results. It was important for me to not allow myself to be distracted by temporary gratification or the instant fulfilment of Mr. Right Now and simply wait and allow God to send me the "he" that was worthy of me.

The journey has been great and I've prided myself on maintaining my strength and committment to myself. Trust and believe it's not an easy feat when we live in a world where instant fulfilment is the norm; or where women sell themselves out for their next electric bill payment; or where the sancitity of fidelity has become almost passe. With my history (story for another day), it's for the most part pretty easy to not settle for a quick roll in the sack, but I will admit there have been times where I wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it. It was on those times I had to pray a little harder, think a little deeper, and continue to tell myself that I'm a woman worthy to hold myself in high regard no matter what. It's not easy refraining when you already know how good the act can be, but there is so much more I want than just the act. I want the intimacy and closeness that precedes and intercedes the act. Those are the things that can and will sustain a relationship when sex doesn't. Poll many couples married for many years and they'll tell you that being able to feel close to their partner, be held, kissed or caressed is extremely important. Anyone can have sex, but everyone can't or doesn't know how to be intimate.

Over the past months, my sex drive has been hitting some all time highs and I feel like I'm on Kinga Ka at Six Flags *lol*, but still I refrain. I can not and will not allow myself to compromise or be compromised; I'm just to damn valuable for that. Being celibate is my choice; however, it's not without the blues when you see couples together, or hear that song that does something to you, or you're just friggin horny. But I must continue on. When the person and time is right, I'll reunite with the pleasures of the flesh, but in the mean time and in between times, I'll continue on knowing that it's not the journey, but the destination.

Love!

16 comments:

Natrually-loving-God said...

Hello, I'm new to the bloggin world. I can agree with many of the statements that you wrote, being celibate for some seem to be a cliche' and for a "right now" time frame, but for some such as myself I take pride in the decision that I've made. It takes alot of work and dedication to God when you are trying to live for him. I love reading your blogs they are encouranging and a great read.

B_More BAP Life said...

I'm right there with you on this point. It's definitely a journey....it sure aint an easy one though :-)

Blu Jewel said...

NLG - Thank you for stopping by and the compliment. I tend not to do much by way of it being trendy. Celibacy is a very serious endeavor to take on and one that requires discipline and committment. It's good to know there are others who share this mindset.

b-more - no, this journey isn't easy, but it's worth the long haul.

hawa said...

Girl!

It is Sooooo worth it. I traveled this road. And I only had one complaint... "Why didn't I do this sooner?"

{{hugs}} for even starting the journey. And {{hugs}} for the days you want to QUIT the crackers and go for the "salami." *wink* LMBO

You never cease to amaze me with the grace, sophistication and beauty of spirit that you attack life with. You have your days like everybody else. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. But your essence is made of the right stuff. Much love.

V says "Whatsup." hehe

Ms. Confessions said...

Now I see why you wanted me to read this post. I am freaking the opposite in terms of holding out. Damn it, I cracked LOL. Thank God not too often though..

Pray for me :)

Don said...

When the person and time is right, I'll reunite with the pleasures of the flesh,

*closing my eyes*

I can only imagine the enjoyment that special someone will discover in you.

Don said...

Oh, I'm jealous...

Mizrepresent said...

oh Blu, i hear u loud and clear...me too lady, been celibate for awhile now...a long while...so i understand luv, so much...keep up the good fight, the rightful one is waiting...and i hope and pray he is worth the wait.

Blu Jewel said...

Hawa - I KNOW you know my plight, but it's one truly worth enduring. *lol* @ the salami. Thanks for the hugs and being there to guide me. Also, for the very flattering things you said about me; it means a lot. Hey to V!

ms. c - *lol* Yeah, I'll keep you prayer; just don't crack too often.

Don - *blush*

miz - nice to know I have sisters out there sharing my journey. I too, hope and pray he's worth the wait.

Love!

Xavier Pierre Jr. said...

More power to you sister Blu. Mad love for you as you await the unfolding of God's plan for you. He is restoring you!!! XOX

Peace and Love,

Alizé (LoversA.blogspot.com)

Blu Jewel said...

zay - Thanks bruh!

ingridspeak said...

I'm on that ride with you girl. Celibacy is harder than it sounds and though it may be spiritually good for you it wrecks habit on your physical. Just keep praying...for both of us! ;)

Shai said...

I am finding alot of women are doing this, myself included. I have realized that as I have gotten older sex means different things for me, hence I will be picky about who I have it with.

This celibacy thang ain't easy but it is sure worth it. I shake my head everything I hear Mz. Jill's song.

Blu Jewel said...

ingrid - girl, i'm on my knees (spiritually) for both of us. I hadn't realized how many of us were practicing celibacy. I'm so proud! Yes, it fortifies me spiritually and wreaks havoc on my physically, but it's truly worth it.

shai - hey, long time! I feel the same way you do. As we grow and mature, we realize what was good then; isn't now. Being picky is a good thing and hopefully, when your king comes to crown you, it will be worth the wait.

Love!

Rosemarie said...

I applaud you for making the commitment. When it gets hot, don't forget to look for the nearest exit door. Moreover, when your thoughts go wild ask Jesus to get the door. It works for me. ;)

Sha said...

Wow, goodluck and all d very best. I knw how u feel, going thru the same ish myself and its HARD!