Sorry for the delay in my posts, but my life has been rather busy for the past couple of weeks. I managed to get some time so here's a nice long post for you...
Having been the recipient of a (near) Fatal Attraction, I often wonder what goes through someone’s head when they develop such intense feelings that would cause them to act in such a twisted way. Though I never slept with Jose; in fact I don’t recall even kissing him other than a peck on the cheek, I’ve never known what caused him to have such intense feelings for me. He and I were in the same military unit and became friends. He helped me learn the things I’d need for Basic Training (BT) and kind of became my bodyguard; keeping the grimey older men from making passes at me and other inappropriate comments.
We only saw each other monthly when I was at the unit, but we spoke on the phone from time to time. I didn’t think much of his asking about my personal life like school, friends, social life etc, as it seemed like the natural progression of conversation. I did; however, notice his reaction to my conversing with other guys at the unit. He seemed to get angry or agitated and especially if he sensed there was a level of closeness between them and me. There was one guy I was pretty cool with as he and I were leaving at the same time and would be attending the same military occupational school. Jose stepped to the guy as if he was my boyfriend. Tavares told me about the incident and I called Jose on his actions. He tied to down play it and I told him that whatever he thought he was doing, he wasn’t my boyfriend and had no right to talk to anyone that way. He backed off…for a while anyway.
When I wasn’t home for military training, I was at school and Jose took it upon himself to send roses almost weekly. Though flattering; it was inappropriate and uncalled for. He would call at all hours of the day and night and question my roommates as to my whereabouts. He became incensed if they wouldn’t give him specific details. I spoke to him about his calls and again he tried to downplay his actions citing he was just concerned and wanted to make sure I was okay. He would call my parents house on the weekends when he couldn’t catch me on campus and it was then that I started to get really frustrated. Back then, I wasn’t as strong as I am now, so I was a little passive in my telling him to back off and if he didn’t start acting like “just friends” then I couldn’t speak to him at all and would report him to our commanding officer. He got the message…for a while anyway…the pattern was forming.
One Friday, I got a call from him saying he was in Atlantic City and wanted to see me. I told him that I didn’t have a car or access to one and couldn’t make it to the city to see him. This nut took a cab from the city to campus and showed up at my apartment. I was stunned beyond belief. I called my roommate who was home for the weekend to let her know he was there just in case something happened to me. She’d known what was going on and had been playing referee where he was concerned. I set him up on the couch and locked myself in the bedroom for the night; though I barely slept. The following morning, my roommate called on queue and I was able to rush him out and get him on a bus back to the city so he could go home.
The months passed and it was time for me to leave. As is customary, your BT location is posted on a board so members of the unit can write you or send care packages. Naturally, Jose took advantage of this information and sent me letters and care packages weekly. He even sent roses for Valentine’s Day, which caused me to be the talk of the platoon and the recipient of much chastisement from the Drill Sergeants. I asked him to refrain from the grandiose gestures and he replied with yet another large packaged compliments of FedEx.
When I left BT and moved on to VA for occupational school, my address was once again posted on the board. I contacted the unit and asked them not to allow him access to my information, but it was too late. Jose started writing letters, sending packages, which escalated into gifts of jewelry and money. I told him I was seeing someone, which was true and hoped he’d back down for good. He did for a while and I was happy. Then he’d done some research and obtained the number to where I was and called the company pretending to be from my home unit. At this point I was completely infuriated. I cussed him out and told my 1st Sergeant what was going on. He contacted my home unit and told them and stressed that charges would be filed on my behalf if they didn’t intercede and prevent him from contacting me. I think Jose finally got the message and I was finally at peace. Or at least I thought I was.
Once back home, I’d forgotten he had my parents number and he called clear out of the blue. My mother not knowing the story handed me the phone. I almost died on the spot. He started berating me for getting him in trouble and that all he wanted to do was love me yada, yada. I slammed the phone down and told my mother the story and asked her to screen any calls I got on her line, which was only two seeing as I had my own line now that I was home again. Jose continued to call and after getting a royal Jamaican cussing from my mother, he stopped. I informed my unit of what was going on and they discharged him. It was then that I finally got some peace. That’s not to say I wasn’t afraid that he’d show up after a drill (training) weekend or show up on campus, but at least I knew there was documented proof of his antics and enough people to speak on my behalf if the matter went to court.
Ladies and gents, have you ever been a victim of “if I can’t have you, no one else can” or have you done that to someone? I find this behavior reprehensible and down right frightening. Though I’m a much stronger women emotionally now than then, I wouldn’t want to endure that behavior again. I don’t have the time or energy to expend on someone that twisted nor to I have the energy to stalk someone. Well, I did once, and that’s cause he was my then husband and it was worth the deed. *lol* Seriously though, this form of attraction is not a compliment nor is it healthy.