21 March 2008

protecting our children

If I hear of one more child being abused, I’m going to commit homicide. Yes, I realize that’s quote a profound statement and one that I’m unlikely to execute, but I sure as hell would like to.

Recently, lil lady told me of a friend (we’ll call her Lisa) of hers who’d been abused by her uncle. Being the concerned parent that I am, I asked if there was anything I could do to help Lisa because it sounded like an intervention needed to happen. Lil lady told me that Lisa fears her cousin is also being abused, but she can’t prove it and fears that if she does tell, her aunt and cousin will suffer because the aunt doesn’t work. The uncle is the sole provider for the family. Lisa has exhibited behavior conducive to that of an abuse victim and is harboring a burden that is not fair and too heavy for her to carry.

I told lil lady that Lisa is welcome to come to the house anytime and that I’d be willing to listen to her and help her in any way I can. I understand Lisa’s trepidation, but it pisses me off to no end that her uncle continues to have that control over her. It’s said that he makes inappropriate comments to/about other girls in the family and his own child seems withdrawn and overly quiet. That in itself is a typical sign of an abused child.

I want to do something. I want to help Lisa relieve her burden and also help her aunt and cousin. They need the predator removed from their lives and he needs to be jailed and hopefully treated for his perversion. I’m sick and tired of our children being the victims of this type of crime and even worse the perp knowing that for the most part; he’ll get away with it. The long lasting and damaging effects of what Lisa has and continues to go through will haunt her unless she speaks up and speaks out. I was tempted to make a call to social services and inquire as to what could be done to help the family emotionally, psychologically, and financially, but opted out because I didn’t want to be pressed for information I 1) couldn’t give or 2) reveal information that seems like it’s not my place to give. Isn’t that a mofo though? You know what you’re doing is right, but in some ways you know it can do more harm? This is the dilemma that I don’t know how to handle.

As a parent, I could go to the end of the earth to seek justice for my child should she be an abuse victim. As a parent, I want to be an advocate for children in this position so they have a voice and know there’s someone out there that cares for them. Hell, even if I wasn’t a parent, I’d still feel the same way. I think it’s imperative that we find ways to help our children from being victims of incest, familial rape, and other forms of sexual abuse. This is a pervasive crime and crosses into all races and cultures. We all know directly or indirectly someone who’s been sexually assaulted or abused whether it occurred in their childhood or adulthood. The crime is a crime regardless of age, but the effects are so much more for a child to handle and grow up with.

As adults, it’s important for us to have productive roles in the lives of children; be they our own, siblings, nieces or nephews, godchildren, etc. Next month is Sexual Abuse Awareness month and I hope that each of us will do our part to serve and protect those in need. The child you see on the block, in the mall, or in a playground could be a victim, just as the man or woman right next to you could have or could be a victim. Equally, that man or woman could be a perpetrator. We must be proactive in whatever ways we can to prevent crimes like this from happening.

While, I still don’t know how I’m going to help Lisa, I’ve at least opened the door through lil lady and continue to pray for it to end one way or another.



Mr.Slish said...

I say do what you can without being to intrusive..You don't want to get caught in any situation that may cause you harm..The Uncle might be crazy and come looking for you, Then you'll get locked up for shooting him between the eyes..lol

Don said...

Deep post. And, yes, about the only thing anyone can do to help a child and disable their abuser is: open the door and hope that the victim enters.

Sad thing about it, abuse is more of a cycle than anything. The person who abuses has been abused, and so forth.

I have to send you an email on this subject.

Keelah said...

Sigh! Situations like these suck all the way around. I will definatly pray for Lisa.

T.C. said...

i have been in a similar situation, but as a youth director i HAD to report it...they did an investigation, and because the young lady was sexually active (who could blame her if she got turned out by a GROWN MAN, her father!) anywho, it wasn't conclusive...so she was returned BACK to the home...

best thing to do is recommend counseling and get her that type of help and like you said listen and even report it if you feel its that bad...i know the young lady was pulled from the youth group i have NO idea what happened to her becuase i could only get to her through her grandmother...

anywho, i am gettin emotional because i am...but help iin anyway you can that won't endanger you, your child or her (that's the hard part)

you are all in my prayers!

Xavier Pierre Jr. said...


This shit burns me up as much as you. We are not powerless! Lisa is not powerless. You definitely need to talk to her, but I think the key is your daughter. Lisa already has your daughter’s ear. Coach your daughter is how to convince her to get help. WE LIVE IN AMERICA, not Uganda! (Trust that I have my reasons for the comparison.) If she is too scared to go to the authorities, have your daughter convince her to come to you. Share your story, give her your strength let her know that her family will be provided for. NO, it’s not easy, but there are organizations that specialize in providing material support to victimized families.

And of course, if there is ANYTHING I can do, also, feel free to give my toll-free number to anyone who needs it.

Peace and Love,
Ali’s Zay (http://LoversA.blogspot.com)

Rosemarie said...

The young girl needs to address this problem with her mother. This could backfire or help. No one knows until it's done. Nevertheless, the mother not having an income of her own doesn’t help either. I wonder if mom already knows about it.

The abuse must end for the sake of the child. Lisa seems to be in a no win situation. I could see suicide, trouble, or running away from home as possible scenarios resulting from this situation.

God's guidance is crucial. Keep prayed up girl!