04 March 2008

open letter

To all of you (male and female) who seem to think I'm stuck up; I am. Yes, that's right, I'm stuck up and I'm damn proud of it. Why should I demean myself by dressing in skanky inappropriate clothing to show off my physical attributes when wearing something that actually fits and is more flattering can do the very same thing? I don't need to sleep with a man after a date because he bought me dinner; I'm worth more than the cost of a $100 dinner. And the ensuing second, third, or forth date doesn't warrant my sleeping with him either nor should I trade my body for a mortgage payment. I have a lot of respect for myself, my body, and my reputation than to sell/trade it for such superficial things.

Yes, I'm stuck up when I don't respond to "yo baby!" "yo! lemme holla atchu girl" "what yo name is?" Or any derivative of corniness that men seem to think is attractive or is a good pick up line. No, my name ain't baby and I'd tell it to you if you were able to address me in a way that would even make me want to divulge it. Telling my how big my ass is, how I look in my jeans, or what have you isn't a good pick up line or attractive either.

Yes, I'm stuck up when I look at the other girls in the club with a crooked eye because they're chugging booze like water and acting a fool when they're all drunk and staggering around. I'm also stuck up when I, unlike you don't let men I don't know feel up on me or leave the club with them while my girls are still at the bar hoping I make it home afterward. I was always taught, "we came together; we leave together" no matter how fine the brother is. I'm also not going to indulge in same sex behavior just to attract a man or fulfill his fantasy.

The fact that I can and do speak standard English and can conduct myself without rolling my neck and waving my index finger as a weapon doesn't take cool points off my "Blackness" Card. I wasn't aware that my blackness or street cred meant I had to act like a fool in order to promote myself or my race. The last I checked, being black had nothing to do with that at all. Furthermore, why should I continually subsribe to the negative images that other people expect of me when I know I wasn't raised that way nor do I think it's the kind of image that is positive.
I have to carry myself in the fashion I want to be treated; which is rather favorably and if per chance, I'm received with anything less than that I know I can find a way to change their mind without "showing out. The best way to check someone is to be able disprove their perception.

Ladies and gentleman, I'm a proud black woman. I am happy with my mixed heritage; my roots; my looks. I do not feel the need to have blonde hair, which would look a hot mess on me anyway. I am happy with my dark brown eyes and the need for contacts to make them lighter isn't necessary either. Augmenting my facial features to look less black or more white isn't worth the money. I've noticed so many black women doing just as I've said and it doesn't make them any more desirable to white men nor do most black men think it's that attractive either. So, can you please explain to me why you're spending time or money altering the natural beauty that is a black woman; a queen? I'm not against comestic surgery, but it's something that should be reserved as a need moreso than a want especially when black skin does not always respond to surgical procedures the way white skin does. Keloids and other scaring can occur if you don't research whom your chosing as a surgeon.

My bothers, please love yourselves enough to stop killing each other over the dumbest things. I mean, is that chick really worth shooting dude over cause he said hi? Are the AF1s really that important that you had to commit assault over because someone stepped on them? I'm tired of hearing about my brothers being locked up over some infraction that could have been avoided. If you've got kids; take care of them. Also, if you're gay, be gay. Stop hiding and taking risks with your health and the women you're still sleeping with. I know it's not easy for black men to be out there, but please think about the ramifications of your actions. Women, you need to protect yourselves too. If you're on the down low too, get checked and get her checked too. If you're sharing toys, use a condom. Sound stupid? It's not. Yes, you can pass STDs and HIV through sharing toys. If chick #1 is carrying and the toy has been up in her and then she puts it in check #2, the STD can be passed. Sex ain't worth getting killed or dying over.

Let's start taking pride in ourselves as a people. Let's go back to the old school way of living and raising our kids. Stop being yours kids friend and be their parent first and foremost. Get to know your children's teachers and what your kids are doing in school. Participate in their activities when you can and let them know that you're interested in them and their lives. Promote academics and not sports to get your kids into college. Speak to your children and not at them. Stop calling them out their name and seek the counsel of other parents you respect to get advice and help when you need it. Show and tell your children you love them and you cherish their being in your life. Don't tell you child you wished you'd aborted him/her when they've acted up or their father is on your nerves. Give your children values; teach them manners and discipline; and teach them to respect themselves and others. Get to know their friends and the company they keep. Be an active participant in your childs life and be the example for them to follow. Stop drinking, cursing, and acting a fool in front of them. Stop bringing this man or that woman around your children or leaving them with Nay-Nay whenever you want to go get your swurve on. Please start screening your childrens MySpace pages and find out whom they're online with; too many of our kids are out there in the wrong way.

Just because you might have to live in the hood doesn't mean you can't have or keep a clean house; please don't hate on me because I'm a homeowner. I worked hard to have the house I do and continue to work hard to keep the bank from taking it back. It's furnished with things I've worked hard to have and keep. No, I'm not rich because I take vacations out of the country. I'm blessed to have family in Jamaica, Grand Cayman, or London. I save my money to pay for the flights and get away for my much needed time with family or for some R&R. I cherish my family and stay in touch with them so I can have that bond and be able to share a common bond with.

Life is too short to live it grudging other people; being mean; selling yourself short; or some other form of negativity. Life may not always be easy and it won't always be equipped with all the things we think is fair, but it's still worth living in the best way you can. God have given us all the tools to make it, so we need to take inventory and use them wisely. Surround yourself with the things and people that bring you joy; help those less fortunate than yourself when you can; and stop thinking the grass is greener in Mr. or Mrs. Jones' yard.

Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful inside and out...I've got quality of life to show for myself; do you?



Keelah said...


Natrually-loving-God said...

Very, very enlightening, a good read for all.

Anonymous said...

You touched on so many topics here blu. I totally agree with you. Folks shouldn't hate because you're confident, black, and successful. They should be aiming to achieve and make their significant etch in the world!



Terry said...

Yepper...you are without a doubt "stuck up".

But I love that about you!

Blameless Nubians said...

Word My Sista!

Mizrepresent said...

Beautiful post Blu! You go Girl! I am about, and tend to live out the life you have so graciously laid before us, Kudos!

Blu Jewel said...

Keelah - thank you for your visit and the comment.

Naturally - Thank you for your comment.

b_more - It's important for me to be the best woman I can be regardless of the ish that I'm surrounded with. Thank you for the endorsement.

Terry - being "stuck up" is a badge of honor to me.

Blameless - Thank you for your visit and for finding this interesting.

Miz - my kindred sister, I'm sure you're already living the good life and will continue to make your positive mark on the world and those around you.

Zay - Thanks for the comment via txt. Also for being a positive black man inspiring the best for your sisters.


Lyric Daniel said...

yeahhhhhhhhh Im stuck up too..lol

T.C. said...

PREACH!!! there is nothing more for me to say! you laid it out and turned it upside down...this isn nothing but the TRUTH...thanks for sharing blu! thanks for the much needed open letter...and there is NOTHING wrong with being stuck up...nothing wrong wit it at all!

Natural Mystic said...

This post is amazing. I love your p of view on absolutely everything in this one. I think these things are important and should be more openly discussed and maybe people will think about their actions more often or at least go with better alternatives to living their lives. Love it!!!

Blu Jewel said...

lyric - good for you.

T.C - Thank you sis. I struggled to write this one because there was so much on my mind that I wanted to say. I'm glad to have gotten it out.

Natural - Thank you. Too often we suck things up when we don't need to or we accept things because that's what's happening around us, but we don't have to be products of a negative environment. Instead we can and should raise above it and live better/more productive lives.


Don said...

Words of wisdom here. Im pretty sure everyone has fallen into this line of thought at least every now and then. The trick is, as your post pretty much states, is to not get stuck into that line of thought. Sometimes I think its human nature for people to always want to downplay the next person, instead of promoting.

I think thats why I am drawn towards a person who has "been through something" in life - their "box" has been removed. They now see whats important and significant about life.

Anonymous said...

Tough to add anything to what you said here. You said it all.

Ms. Confessions said...

I love this post!!!

Rosemarie said...

If you have been stuck up as in classy...that's you all the way Blu! Don’t ever change!