14 November 2007

Blu Jewel PSA #3

I don’t want to turn this post into a male bashing one, but I may not be able to help myself. Now, I’m not going to suggest that all my bruthas are this way, but from what I’ve seen and experienced lately, it seems like a great number need a refresher course on chivalry and gentleman like behavior.

Let me start with the guy who pushed his way through the door when I was clearly there before him and when I said, “excuse you”, he just huffed and continued on. Meanwhile, shortly thereafter I was leaving the store and a white man held the door for me. While walking into the plantation, a white man held the door even though I was a fair distance from it, greeted me with a pleasant smile, and wished me a good day. A few days thereafter, a guy who’s clearly seen and spoken to me on several occasions, refused to hold the door for me as I struggled with two bags and a cup of coffee. I was like “WTF?” On my date a couple weekends ago, I noticed I was walking on the outside of the street, brought it to his attention, and he said, “well, there’s no cars coming.” WTF? Again! First of all, he should’ve have been aware of his presence and acted accordingly and when it was brought to his attention, he should have simply said, “my bad” and corrected himself.

What’s really going on these days? Are women no longer worthy of being treated well or like ladies? Would these very same men be pissed if someone treated their mothers, aunts, grandmothers, or sisters in the same fashion they’re treating women? I highly doubt it. It’s a sad state of affairs when chivalry 101 isn’t being acted upon.

As a mother, I never let my child walk on the outside of the street or trail behind me. It’s my role as a mother to be protective, just as I feel it’s a man’s role to be that way toward children.

I’d hate to think that “we” have lost touch with the simple things in life and forgotten how to just be polite in the most general of ways. Conversely, I have had instances where I’ve been treated with the respect and chivalry I deserve and always extend the appropriate and applicable courtesies.

Ladies and gentlemen we must teach our children the foundation of good manners, courtesy, and appropriate male/female exchange. We must reinforce the value and importance of treating each other well and not allow common courtesy and decency to fall by the wayside. This past weekend, I saw my cousin teaching his little brother the basics of how to treat a young lady and it was impressive to see how he educated him on the importance being a good young man and doing the right thing.

I think we all need to do more to exact the basics of human kindness and polite exchange. And when we have a negative experience with someone, I think we should find ways to bring it to their attention in hopes of bettering them for the next time. We can not and should not condone or make excuses for poor behavior and the ill treatment of others.

Each one; teach one and pay it forward!


Lyrically speaking said...

I'm reading this and it's as if I was right there with you. I've had those experiences before...have noticed how a white man will go out of his way to open the doors and pull out a chair but I think it has a lot to do with their upbringings. The way you raise your son or daughter will reflect how he or she will treat others. It is sad, i'm reading this and shaking my head.

Rosemarie said...

Something is certainly off and I'm not sure if these particular men were taught poorly either. I'm thinking that perhaps it's a choice not to act respectful. I know these chumps must have a positive role model in their lives. Moreover, do they respect themselves?

I heard today that a father should raise the bar high for his daughters so she's not easily persuaded by just any fella in her youth. Good advice!

Watergurl said...

I hear ya, all the way ova here in New Zealand! A bad manners virus roaming the world.....I did have a giggle at your WTFs in there....your reading my mind:)
Peace out

Blu Jewel said...

lyrically - it's so sad to get treated in such a fashion. I hate to alienate the bruthas, but how can one not when they treat us as they do. I can't believe that we're raising our children to be mean, rude, or ignorant.

Rosemarie - The advise you heard is indeed correct and much needed, but what do you do about the father who isn't man enough to stand up for himself and get right who has a daughter? As for the chumps, one would question if they respect themselves because they couldn't possibly and treat people as foul as they do.

watergurl - thank you for coming from New Zealand to read my blog. I'm honored. So the bad manners virus is in effect there too huh? What a bloody shame!

j.a.c. said...

Quite frankly, that pisses me off too blu. I ALWAYS notice when people don't hold the door for others, which is why I make sure I ALWAYS hold the door for women and men alike. It's just common HUMAN courtesy.

Whenever I'm walking on the outside, my bf likes to say "now what's wrong with this picture". I didn't think much of it until now, but I appreciate it more than ever.

Aunt Jackie said...

I have come to the conclusion that SOME people are savages. I personally won't date men who don't have a good manners because I'm too old to teach and I don't have children, and my brothers have been raised by a mother who clearly wasn't having it like that...

unfortunately my mother couldn't raise everyone which is to say some mama's didn't give their boys a chance at being gentlemen!

Ali's Zay said...

Well... Don't expect me to come to the defense of my "brothers". But let me share this: A few years back, I learned from a very dear friend that it's possible to be friends with a woman and NOT be sexually involved with her! [GASP!] Imagine that! I mean seriously, who knew!? So she was my first "real" female friend and still hold a precious space in my heart. That being said, I was raised to be a gentlemen. No excuses and no compromise. So it always stunned me when this lady (snd she is very much a lady) would pratically take offense when I held doors for her. She acted as though I were patronizing her. Well as I said, I was raised to be an uncompromising gentleman and friends learn from each other. I learned from her the true meaning of friendship between a man and a woman (Today I have MANY wonderful female friends) and she learned to recognize the behavior of a gentleman and expect she now expects it.
Each will draw their own conclusion from my true story, but is it possible that women's low expectations are in part to blame for the death of chivalry?

T.C. said...

me & the love were walking the other day, and he moved me on the inside, now i had my nephew the day earlier so it was fresh in my mind that having someone on the inside is a protective measure, he of course plays it down, but it matters...

the sad thing is that people don't extend human courtsey anymore...its that "i did it, so you do it" mentality...all for self, which is truly sad...

its like men (and not all men) but some men aren't protectors anymore then they look at us sideways when we are independant, strong and thus less nuturing to them...

i could go on and on...but you know...you said it all

Anonymous said...

What can one say but "Hear hear!" It's funny how society has changed. I'm from the south and was taught how to care for ladies (no disrespect to the north). When I was lax in a relationship, a young lady STRONGLY REMINDED me of my upbringing.

Today, when I open car doors, women are shocked to see me on that side of the car! Many of us have lost our sensibilities.

So your advice is sound, "Each one teach one," to which I'll add, young AND old.

dc_speaks said...

Speak on it!

I have witnessed the same deplorable behavior in men. I have also witnessed young ladies act less than lady like, yet expect the same treatment.

as you said "each one, teach one" all ages and genders inclusive.

great post

Blu Jewel said...

j.a.c - the more i'm out, the less i find i can tolerate people; esp. "our" people. it hurts my heart to get treated so poorly, yet if i were to step out with a white dude, i'd be a sell out *sigh* your bf is a good man for his gentlemanly behavior.

aunt jackie - oh, how right you are.

zay - yes, it's true that some women simply don't know how to be treated and need to be taught. i'm happy to know that you are who you are and will do what your brothers won't to make a woman feel like a lady.

t.c - we have to demand how we want to be treated and enforce it. you're fortunate to have someone who knows how to treat you.

sojo - you are fortunate to have not only been taught, but to continue what you've been taught. we must ensure our children know the basics of human kindness and decency; moreover, demand to be treated accordingly.

d.c - you are absolutely right on the deplorable treatment and women acting less than ladylike. you train people how you want to be treated and if we don't start acting better, we can't expected to be treated better.

Mizrepresent said...

total applause!