05 November 2007

dEaL bReAkErS

How does one go from meeting someone; having great conversations via phone, email, and text; developing a great vibe, a seemingly good connection; and then spend time with that person and say, “WTF happened?”

Well, I’m trying to figure that out myself. Without putting said person on blast (too much), I’ll try to be as polite as I can be. I’ll form a list of sorts of things I found to be deal breakers.

Girl buys first round of drinks. After drinks are over, he does not ask if girl wants another drink.

Girl is considered a strong, independent, and assertive person, which was said to be a very attractive quality, and then some how gets lumped into the “typical woman” category and endures the tirade of men vs. women issues.

Boy plays himself up to be Mr. Worldly and socially conscious and then announces, he’s homophobic, and my gay friends wouldn’t be warmly received (read: don’t bring them around me). Artists (painters, sculptors, and writers, etc.) have issues or are sick. This I have to explain…Painters and sculptors who create obscure pieces are sick. Why? Because he feels that the painter or sculptor has some deep issues or repressed problems that are being manifested in their works. Writers (according to him) follow a like way of being. If someone writes about sex/erotica, then they can be considered highly sexed or sexually deviant. Conversely he contradicts himself by saying it’s an expression of how one feels at the time; while never considering that many writers are or can write on demand. Furthermore, writing is CREATIVE and allows one to stretch the framework of their mind in order to magnify their writing capabilities.

Boy seems to have a black/white way of thinking without considering the shades of grey.

Considers himself to be romantic, yet says/does things to focus the attention on himself and/or fish for compliments.

Boy tells girl she’s a great person; a little rough around the edges, but with smoothing would be perfect.

Boy has a chauvinistic attitude and when challenged tries to play it off by saying, “I was just playing”.

Boys alleges to be all man, but his game is like Swiss cheese.

Okay, so now you have a cliff note version of some of the things I endured and now you can put your two cents in.


dc_speaks said...


but on a side note, I'm glad to see tht you're back to blogging.

I'm sorry it wasn't all you had hoped for.


Terry said...

Blu, in the car business I think they call that the old bait and switch. Show 'em one thing, give 'em another.

It is amazing how what one thinks they see, is never what they really get. You're right, it's all a game and I know you refuse to be a participant. Of course it's not the end of the world - disappointing maybe - but you'll move on. As I have told you in the past, there's just too much to Blu for folks to pass up. Somebody one day will notice the brass ring that is you and grab it.

I gotta say though, I of all people know what a strong woman you are. But sugar, when we're together, you don't pay for shit. Ever!

And that's non-negotiable.

I can't believe he dropped that ball.

Rosemarie said...

Your life perspectives differ considerably. Though your paths may cross...it's an intersection only. Tell him to keep it rollin' in the other direction!

Mr.Slish said...

Dude is self absorbed. Needs his ego stroked. Bluey NEVER EVER buy a man drinks on any date unless ya'll going steady. They take things like that as a weakness and will try and get more outta ya.

Don't kick him to the curb yet...Just put him in a category.

Ms. Confessions said...

LOL, oh the joys of dating.

Sometimes I'd much rather settle for a nice quite night home alone :)

Wendy said...

It's amazing that the pretenders out there think a strong, independent, and assertive person, which was said to be a very attractive quality wouldn't be able to see right through them. How you get me has always been how you keep me.

Blu Jewel said...

dc - it's all good. if i got nothing else out of the weekend, i got some good laughs with my peeps! it's good to be back

terry - yeah, the old bait and switch trick. if i was a lesser a woman, i'd have taken things differently, but trust and believe, i spoke my piece and didn't let him off the hook. his loss!

rosemarie - such sage advice you administer.

mr slish - you're right, i shouldna bought the drinks, but at least it was a good learning curve for the rest of the weekend and trust me, i keep my money DEEP in my pockets. You're right, to a category he goes. zoom, zoom!

ms - in spite of his less than admirable traits, it was good to see what fish are in the pond. and you're right, a quiet evening alone can work wonders too!

wendy - i just about called him out each time he said something trite and then tried to down play it. i let him know he was dealing with a GROWN WOMAN, not some little girl.

Don said...

Makes you wonder if he was really the person typing on the keyboard. I mean, he couldn't have been THAT lost, could he?

What was his name again? lol

Blu Jewel said...

don - i was at a loss for how the person i'd come to know after initially meeing him, communicating via phone, txt, and email was NOT the person who I spent the weekend with. LOL @ what's he name.

Lyrically speaking said...

Boys alleges to be all man, but his game is like Swiss cheese

LOL...that's a perfect loser, wow, this post is on "fiya"
He needs to keep moving without you in the picture

Blu Jewel said...

lyrically - it's so funny cause this bum said how nice we looked together and that he should marry me...man, looks can truly be deceiving and there's no way in hell i'd marry this cat.

deepnthought said...

Now, I understand. I think it was something in the dating water this weekend. So, did he know he was on a date with a phenomenal writer before he said that stupid stuff?

I am so sorry you went through that.

Hawa Bond said...

Oh HAYELL no. V and I wanted to crash the party and invite ourselves somewhere with y'all. I'm glad we didn't, 'cause V would have escorted that BOY outside -- by the waistband of his underwear.

Even a man who accepts a drink shows himself a gentleman by buying the next round (and every dang round after that if more are to come.)

One great thing... you threw your rod in the sea to inspect the fish. And I love that. You had a chance to enjoy the process. That's the only reason I won't declare him a total waste of precious blu time.

Let's hope he doesn't become the example from your last post (who doesn't seem to know that calling, writing, or texting you just isn't an option.)

And dang. If you're missing perfect by "rough around the edges" ... he's missing perfect by a ditch the size of the Grand Canyon.

Isn't it funny how true colors bubble to the surface with amazing speed? True character can't be hidden. Somebody should tell him that his underwear are showing. LOL

Blu Jewel said...

dnt - no, i guess he didn't. now that i've heard his views on the arts, i'd be hard pressed to let him read anything i've done.

hawa - LMAO! i dont even know how to adequately respond. you've eloquently stated things that so needed to be said. Dude is so happy NONE of my peeps were spectators to his shortcomings cause it would have been on an poppin with their reactions.

Blah Blah Blah said...

I like him!


He sounds like an ass... but as I have said time and time again...I am secretly inlove with ass.

...budda, you bought the first drink? Not saying that you shouldn't...ever...but not on the first date.
Put him in what I like to call "reserve" and keep looking. Pull him out only when your hungry.
Women OUR age have no problem meeting men...we just need to make ourselves available... We need to be like the disciples... fishers of men...ummm, when we going fishin'?
**ummm, not that's not what Jesus meant by that? who knew, seems appropriate....just sayin'** LOL

Blu Jewel said...

blah - LOL @ you like asses! He was on my turf for the first time and it is 2007, so I bought the first and LAST drink. Your advise about keeping him on reserve is the same as Mr. Slish's comment. I'll keep that in mind. I like your analogy about fishers of men. *lol*

BZ said...

Comedy or tragedy? If I didn't know you better, I'd say the latter. But, since I do, I know you're laughing to yourself. Possibly mildly frustrated. But I know you're cracking up just like I am!!!! DAAAAAAMN!

Anyway, I know you're not letting this throw you off track, mama. You got way too much going for you.


T.C. said...

was his name...LOL...but i have been on a few of those myself...i am totally proud that you walked away from the situation still blu, and still open and willing to date others...still get out there...

well ((HHUUUUGGSSS)) my dear...it'll get better

Blu Jewel said...

BZ - I was everything you said in your comment. Dating is an interesting experience to say the least...lol!

T.C - Had to do what I had to do. My strength lies from being confident in myself and not settling.