I had no idea what I wanted to blog about today until I read my Daily Bread and today’s reading said, Arms of Love and this was the corresponding scripture; Let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. —1 John 3:18
It made me reflect on how I recently felt about someone and how he completely shat on my feelings and to date has given no explanation for his treatment and actions. Refer to What Freedom Feels Like for backstory.
I recall the many times I used to say to him that the word and deed go hand in hand or that words without action are just words. Naturally, he argued thinking that because it was said, so it shall be; I remained firm, and now I’m simply withdrawn.
I’m the kind of woman who loves hard. I don’t invest casually into any man and I refuse to allow myself to be caught up by the pretty words because they sound sweet and nice. Just because the melody is good; doesn't mean I'm going to like the song. I know through experience that words hurt too and can be equally damaging as physical pain. In the case of he whom I’ll here on out refer to as, Mr. Ublewit, he can’t say he wasn’t warned. He knew from the very beginning what kind of woman I was, what I was about, and what I could and would tolerate. The lack of communication, mutual respect, and reciprocity in word/deed are deal breakers for me. For over a year, I wrestled with my feelings and just when I finally came to that place of letting go; he let me down. He disappeared for slightly over a month and then returned as if what he did was the most normal thing for him to do.
Although, I never fell completely in love with him, I felt a love for him; one which was expressed in both word and deed. It was something that took a lot for me to finally accept and acknowledge and something that in spite of myself I shared with him. I again, reflect on the scripture and realize that the Word is so powerful and so true. As much as I was angered, hurt, and disappointed by what Mr. Ublewit did, I realize, I lived the scripture and won’t fault myself for how/what I felt because at least I know I’m capable for feeling and loving. Mr. Ublewit has yet to recognize and realize that love is not some four-letter word you can toss around profanely and think it’s going to have worth or merit; especially when it’s not performed in deed or truth. The sum of who I see him as now is reduced to him being a bullshitter and unfortunately, not a very good one because his ego seems to precede his sensibility at this point.
I’ve since moved on from Mr. Ublewit and am seeing someone who expresses himself in word and deed. No, it’s not all perfect and I don’t expect it to be, but at least I know that he’s willing to put forth the effort to appreciate the love; at whatever stage and not take it for granted. He shows his affection and invests in me accordingly; from noticing that he hasn’t heard from me and calls me at work and leaves a voice message; to then follow up by calling me on my cell or at home. He’s made me think he’s not coming to see me and then show up at my front door. He’ll buy my favorite drink (D&G Ginger Beer…a Jamaican soda) and/or snack (bun & cheese; another Jamaican thing), which shows he pays attention to my likes and wants. He doesn’t have to say “I love you” to show me that has love for me; it’s the little things that carry enormous weight. In addition, he’s acting in deed and truth. I give him in both word and deed my affections and intentions so he never has to doubt me in anyway. I allow myself to be a little vulnerable at times and let him nuture the little girl inside of me who simply wants to be loved. I seek the little boy in him that wants the same...it's love in deed and truth; no pretense; not half-stepping and no bullshit.
I apply this same love to those I care about. My friends and family know that they can and will get a random txt, card, or call from me that simply says, “I love you”, “I’m thinking about you”, or whatever sentiment deemed appropriate at the time. Love is something that can and should be manifested in all we do all the time. More effort needs to be placed in loving each other as humans and not pets or material things. Now, don’t get me wrong, loving animals is a wonderful thing, but we all know that some people take it a little too far. *lol*.
I digress…Love is something we all need and we all need to share in order to receive. Love is not something to be squandered, ill-applied for personal gain, or to be used as a tool/weapon. Love is something we all want and desire and we must plant the seed in order to reap the reward of it. The scripture says it all. Reflect on it and utilize it to its fullest.
When you see someone in need,
Love demands a loving deed;
Don’t just say you love him true,
Prove it by the deeds you do. —Sper