26 August 2008

what freedom feels like...

Have you ever been in a situation where some had truly done you wrong and instead of getting pissed at them, you got mad in private? I’m sure you have and I have too and if I must say so myself, I handled it like a champ.

Last year, I met someone and was reluctant to form anything more than a friendship with him. Over time, I got to know him and enjoyed talking and hanging out with him. I was still uncertain of how I felt emotionally because there was a huge geographical distance between us and I didn’t want to over invest. The latter end of last year, I spent some time with him and things seemed to take a progressive turn. He began to talk of relocating and the possibility of a future with me. I still reserved my feelings; although it become obvious to me that I liked him more than I was willing to admit.

Fast forward to earlier this year and we spent a really good week together and I finally admitted that I felt I was developing strong feelings and began to entertain his talk of relocating. Things remained cool until he up and disappeared. Yes, just bounced; no call; no txt; just gone. At first, I didn’t call, but then got pissed and called a few times, but never left a message (I’m not a big message leaver). Days turned into weeks and still no hear from, so I was like, it’s time for me to fall back. I checked with fam and they said, he was okay but out of town. So, I’m like, aiight, I see how you’re living and reminded myself of what I’d told him, “what you won’t do, another man will”. In other words, I packed up my little hurt feelings and said the hell witchya.

Last week; Wednesday to be exact, I get a txt saying, “I’m back now. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Well, tomorrow still hasn’t arrived because he hasn’t called. So, being the big girl that I am and knowing that I’m not going to carry the annoyance any further, I called him. He was very casual and nonchalant about his disappearance and lack of communication. He even teased that he knew I was cussing him out. When I remained calm and on subject he asked if I was going to cuss him out and I said no. He gave me a half-assed apology and said he hoped I’d accept it. He made mention of my birthday being next month and I told him, had he waited until then to call me, I would have truly been pissed cause his call would mess it up not enhance it. I went on to tell him that what he did said a lot about him and left it at that. And as luck would have it, his cell crapped out and I never called back.

What freedom feels like is that I moved on without the drama and theatrics. Cussing him out wouldn’t have made me feel better because that’s what he was expecting. It felt good to simply accept that his behavior is not something I can accept or tolerate and I know exactly what category to put him in. I’m glad that I didn’t invest my feelings too deeply and won’t feel the pain of letting go. Yea, it saddens me, but as I said earlier, “what he won’t do, another man will”, in fact another already has. YAY me! *lol*



Terry said...

ya know, sometimes you just have to know when to say when.

TDJ said...

Leave him exactly where he is because he's clearly not worth the time or energy. He's full of crap and it's great that you didn't accept and tolerate it. Good luck with the new guy!

Blu Jewel said...

@ Terry - and I said "when" with no hesitation. You'd be proud of me.

@TDJ - hey lady; been a while. i'm not going to be that woman who makes excuses for unfavorable behavior as it sets the standard for continued bad behavior.


Darius T. Williams said...

Yes - that's right...YAY to you!

Believer 1964 said...

He ain't right! :(

Glad you saw the signs and took the initiative to disconnect before the call back.

You’re worthy of respect and more.

Blu Jewel said...

@darius - LOL! Sometimes it's just gotta be that way.

@believer - you KNOW how i felt, but feelings aren't enough to warrant letting that BS slide; my worth is too great.


Mr.Slish said...

You should have invited him over to your crib...Made sure you had on boy shorts and a wife beater..Wait a minute! That's my fantasy..lol

Anyway..I don't know why guys do things like that and then try to come back like nothings wrong..He disappeared with no explanation. Which usually means he has a Chick or Wife where he lives and things were starting to get HOT HOT HOT so in order to cool things down. he vanishes instead of just telling you the truth and allowing you to make up your mind...What a loser..

You did the right thing by not cussing him out maybe that would have given his twisted ass the impression that you were sweating him....He probably sitting around scratching his head like WTF!!!!

Blu Jewel said...

@Mr. Slish - LMAO@ your boy short/wife beater fantasy...you're gonna stop looking in my bedroom window *wink* I'm becoming more convinced that you're tryna get me to steal you from Shawnla. *Lol* Man, did you ever speak the truth right here. The last thing you said, is so friggin on point.


Hawa Bond said...

::shaking my head::

You know how strongly I feel about this one, because you are a quality woman who deserves the queen treatment.

He has no idea what he missed. And I hope sexy has a clue. It sounds like he's on the right path. ;-)

Blu Jewel said...

@Hawa - yes, i know you were mad at this one and i can only imagine the look on your face when you read this. Sexy better keep stock in clues cause if he doesn't, the same will happen to him to. I'm not taking any shorts. As you said, "you are a quality woman who deserves the queen treatment". That means so much to me...much love for that compliment.


jus butterfli said...


oooh my goodness! i love it when u have the ability 2 simply kill them softly. w/out raising your voice. w/out getting fabulous. & then they sit there feeling slutted (as they should) because they THOUGHT u cared enuff about they're shady ass behavior 2 go off! HAHAHAHA... i wouldve paid good fuckin' money 2 see the look on his face!!

u're awesome! & u're my sister!

peace! love!

Blu Jewel said...

@jus - girl, words can't express how refreshing it felt to do exactly what you said, "kill them softly". Given that I'd past the hurt, angry, and disappointed stage, letting go was the only thing left to do. And know this, you're not the only one who'd have paid money to see his face, cause I was like damn, where's a Kodak moment when you need one.


MysTery said...

You go girl!! lol. I want to be like you when I grow up! ;)

Have a blessed day.

T.C. said...

YAY you indeed...so many times people think they can just do whatever and they do a lot of times feed off of that hurt and that anger it feeds the ego for them and does nothing but give you a headache...

Blu Jewel said...

@mystery - lol @ you wanting to be like me when you grow up. it took me growing up to get like this.

@t.c - amen! as i said, i refuse to accept the unacceptable. he's a non issue and i've moved on. what good is life and love is you're not living and sharing it...i'm just doing it with someone else now.