05 September 2008

i dont even know what to call this ish!

the following is a list of memorable things that happened this week; good and bad in no particular order...

i got a txt from dude i blogged about in What Freedom Feels Like on Thursday saying, "how r u? i hope ur having a good day" @4:19pm...it's now Friday @ 7:12pm and i still haven't responded...let freedom ring! *giggle*

i was having an emotional meltdown and reached out to my cousin and my male bestie of 25yrs and they both talked me off the ledge in their respective ways.

said male bestie was so amazing in his support and follow up that he moved me to tears.

i actually took some time out for myself by ignoring calls, sleeping in, and leaving work early.

i like my current interest more than i probably should and it's driving me crazy.

if my mood swings don't calm down, i'm seriously thinking of seeing my dr about getting on something

i have rope burn for how tight i'm holding onto the knot in the rope

love is an elusive and deceptive emotion

i've never felt more emotionally drained than i do right now

if saying, "eff it all!" was an option, i think i'd take it

reggae is some good ass music

no one believes i'm almost 41; i've been hearing i look 26 for the past couple weeks

i finally lost almost 10lbs without even really trying, but when i try, it never happens

i finally got my cover up tattoo and i love it...pix forthcoming

reality sucks; fantasy never disappoints

potential is only good when it reaches manifestation; why can't folk just wo/man up?

i need to start going back to the firing range

why can't i have things MY way just ONCE?

after the week i've had, i can kinda understand why people drink to excess to escape

i've seen emotional fraud manifest itself and let me tell you, it's a fuggin horrible thing for the one who was deceived

eff it! i'm out...



Darius T. Williams said...

I love this post...it's sooo incredibly human.

LadyLee said...

I agree with Master Chef Darius... this was incredibly HUMAN.

You said "potential is only good when it reaches manifestation..."

Really though.

Terry said...

Hang in there Baby. The world will turn.

Blu Jewel said...

@darius - thanks man...its truly how i was feeling.

@ladylee - that statement came as the result of me take a deep look at myself and preparing to take a leap of faith.

@terry - thanks sweetie; you always believe in me.


T.C. said...

i agree this is so human and i can totally relate to these feelings...just dont let it get you down you know...you are incredibly strong and it will work out i know it will

Don said...

Every now and then I think every person in this world needs to take a good rink and say 'eff it.' Seriously.

Why are you holding onto the knot? And I co-sign your sentiments concernign love, sometimes it really appears this way.

So you have dude waiting I see. lol.

dessex said...

41???? no way. I don't believe...

Great read by the way.

Blu Jewel said...

@t.c - thanks sis. i'm feeling much better now; i just needed to release what i was feeling at the time.

@don - you're so right; saying "eff it" sometimes can be such a strengthening tool. if i don't hold onto the knot, then i fall and i'm not trying to do that. me and love got some issues right now and yea, dude is still in the holding pattern. that's what his ass gets.

@dessex - yes, sweetie; i'm 41. i dont know how i'm pulling this youthfulness off, but i'm glad i am and can.


Mr.Slish said...

"why can't i have things MY way just ONCE?"

If that were the case half the things you do daily wouldn't get done..Don't let the struggle cloud the positive...: )

Believer 1964 said...

If an alarm is sounding, take note, take cover, but do something.

I so enjoy when you go on tirade and dump the good stuff. It's all up in here!

Blu Jewel said...

@slish - thanks for the insight and encouragement.

@believer - i'm action and solution oriented, so i'm being proactive in what seems to be adverse in my life.


nikki said...


aiight, now i read that entry and loved it all and found it so insightful and empowering as usual. meanwhile, i gasped as soon as i read

"i need to start going back to the firing range"

shooooo...i'm scurred of guns. LOL

Blu Jewel said...

@nikki - i'm actually a qualified expert markswoman; or at least i was. given that i haven't fired in a while, i'm sure i'm a little rusty and hence why i need to get back out there. guns are only scary in the wrong hands.


MysTery said...

Hey lady!!!
Got to pray that emotional distress away girl!

You ARE NOT 41!!!!! Dang! Get it girl!!

I will be praying for you that you can relax, relate, and release!

Have a good one!