13 November 2006

he say; she say; we say; they say

Okay, so we all know and have been taught that we shouldn't tattle tale, gossip, back stab, and all that other happy stuff, so why do we keep doing it? This is not one of those things you learn when you become an adult. Hell, you're practically taught that out of the womb. Now, I accept that certain things are just going to happen and we're all gonna get caught up or caught out there, but when do you realize that you need to stop playing games and woman/man up? I see it like this, if you think you're grown enough to repeat something someone said, possibly take it out of context, or not disclaim it with "in my opinion", then why open your damn mouth in the first place? Don't we learn this lesson in like grade school?

In order to protect certain people, there are occasions when you might have to protect their identity. That being the case, then give said person a ficticious name. It makes the story easier to follow and it makes the story more credible if they aren't referred to in the third person. I know someone who constantly told stories of "they" and I finally had enough and asked her to qualify her story with a name; it's not like I really know who the hell she was talking about anyway.

That aside, my issue is with those who take and repeat things out of context to a another party and then leave the person with whom they were initially speaking holding the bag as if he/she was the perpetrator. The hell is up with that? If you were (or thought you were) grown enough to inquire, participate, and then repeat (even out of context or with no disclaimer), then you need to own up to it if confronted. Hell, if necessary, all parties need to hash it out and you'll soon find out who told the truth and who didn't cause all of a sudden, folks attitudes start to shift. The one seeking the truth will be calm, have their facts in order, and speak without being offensive. The perp will start catching attitude and getting all defensive and the story may change a time or two. The listening party will also get defensive and then clam up cause s/he realizes that s/he jumped to the wrong conclusions and was being accusitory for no reason.

People will be people I understand that, but there does come a time when we all have to face the music, so why not be the party who's played by the book and has nothing to hide. Acknowledge the fact that mutual friendships don't always have to include all parties in all conversations. And when party "A" is speaking with party "B"; neither party "A" or "B" has to go back to party "C" and say anything. Recognize that you're not always being "helpful" by involving all; especially when there was no cause for repeating anything anyway.

Never ever forgot there are 3 sides to every story, his, hers, and the truth; it's best to always be on the truth side of the story. A lie is a script you have to repeat over and over again to remember and repeat while the truth is always constant and requires no preparation. And in closing, friends don't play gossip and intermediate if there's no fear of a lie being found out.

Is it just me or is that a common sense little lesson from life's handbook?!


The Mistress said...

This is why I only gossip about people I don't like! ;-)

When it comes to friends, I never, ever speak about their personal business.

rastaman said...

Ain't that the truth!

Terry said...

Interesting. Well let me say this about that. In my humble, but somewhat boisterous opinion, I think people like "gossip" for one reason, power. You see gossip is all about having and sharing information. The old "I know something you don't know" theory. And of course a negative is better than a positive. If in fact I drag you down, by doing so, I must be dragging me up. Or at least in looks that why on the surface.

Think about it, how 'bout that "positive" cat each one of us knows. That person who just seems to get high on life. Never drags anyone down, always has a happy face. Well, we can't stand being around that person to long. Reminds us of what we aren't. So the rumors fly. After all, can't just say he's a good Dude and move on, there's no power in that.

nikki said...

unfortunately some folk don't want to hear the truth, only their version of it.

BluJewel said...

mistress - from what i've learned about you, you're one of the realest women in the game and for that, i commend you

rasta - ur probably too high to notice half the time anyway...lol

terry - your words of wisdom are always on point and always welcome

nikki - i feel you ten fold

jus.b.fli said...

see... i'm with "the mistress" and "nikki" on this one.

and what the hell eva happened to going directly to the source? do grown folks REALLY need an intermediate these days? hell, if i want to know anything... i'm gonna ask the orginator of the shit! am i getting off the subject?? (LOL)

in any event... there's too much lost in translation with the he said/she said business and it does only one thing: CREATE FUCKIN' DRAMA! and don't we all have our own lives to try to run and keep in order? hell, i know i do.

great post nasty... oops i meant sister-dear! (hehehe)


G. Mo said...


I've always felt like talking about people would bring on bad karma. That's why I generally keep to myself and say nothing, even if I know the 'truth' about what's going on.


Your widsom is perfect on this post...

BluJewel said...

jus - truth be told, folk aint as grown as they THINK they are. aside from shit being lost in translation, you need wadin boots to get through it all

g.mo - you got that right

slump - thank you

jc said...

Damn, I hate when I miss your posts then have to catch up. Anyway, you are both right and wrong here. Right cause people are gonna do what they're gonna do regardless, even when they know it's wrong. Wrong because people go around thinking they're grown or adult when their actions prove otherwise.

blaqrayne said...

Lying is easy, it takes courage to tell the truth! I hate being lied to or lied on. That's the quickest way to be removed from radar (after an azz whippin of course...lol). So, I'm definitely co-signing this post.

Don said...

My grandmother always said there are three sides to every story; your story, their story, and the truth.

I never forgot.