19 June 2007

i dont get it!

Okay, someone help me understand (if you can), why is it when we find out someone we know/knew is gay, that we suddenly have to form an opinion about it?

Here's why i'm asking. So, last week, a friend sends me an email telling me about an old high school friend whom he at one time "suspected" was gay and recently found out it was true. This is bits and pieces of what he had to say..."...finally get in touch with an old junior high school and high school classmate...emails me that her "partner" and her have an 18 yr old daughter... always wondered but never knew that she liked to licky, licky, licky...conflicted in my own beliefs...don't condone her life style; however, it is her choice and she must live it."

I must admit, I was rather put off by his comment. I mean, why should what they be of conflict to him? In addition, he made it seem as though her choice was offensive. Am I the only one who sees it that way?

Personally, I've never had an issue with the sexuality of someone else. I mean, why should I? It's of no consequence to me, they're not hurting me, and basically, it's none of my business. I have gay friends and I don't pry into their sexual habits or comment on it. I have a transgendered friend whom I absolutely adore and she is one of my best and dearest friends. Barring an occasion here or there when a lesbian has made an overly aggressive pass at me, I've never been offended by gays. I treated the pass as I would a man and went on about my business.

What happens in their lives or communities is pretty much similar to what happens in a hetrosexual community with the exception of the flags; seeing as hetrosexuals don't have a banner or flag to announce their orientation. I must admit, that is the one thing that kind of struck me as off, but again, I'm not offended by it.

So, back to what I don't get. Why would someone be "conflicted in their beliefs" because of the lifestyle of another? That's like me saying, I'm conflicted over someone's race or religion. I mean, come on already. With so many people being water-tight-like-a-ducks-ass it's no wonder why there are so many men (and women) on the DL (down-low). Why do we have to make what others do our business? I admit, I've gotten caught up in my fair share of gossip on this matter and other matters, but it's on that premise and maturity that I realize it has nothing to do with me. As long as my sexuality is respected, then I respect anyone else's.

I'm sure each of us has our thoughts on the matter and it's usually tends to be for religious reasons, but let me pump your brakes right there, because we all KNOW that there are many in the church who are gay. We also know that God made each of us so we can't go around judging folk. In addition, there are many gay couples whose relationships have outlasted many straight people's. We all need to practice some understanding and tolerance the same way blacks, Jews, women; and so son want it. Is that really too much to ask?

So, in closing, I go back to my intro. "I don't get it!"


deepnthought said...

wow... I am First....

I dont get it either. Sometimes we get so tangled up that we want or feel it is are right to judge and it's not. I feel you. I dont get it either.

Mr.Slish said...

I've noticed women are more tolerant when it comes to an individuals sexuality. Straight men just aren't built that way. If I had children and my son or daughter came home and told me they were gay.I cannot lie it would crush me.

Now my girlfriend is different she feels whatever her son chooses to be sexually is fine by her.

I don't think people judge its just that its hard to understand a lifestyle that is not considered the norm.

And don't believe the Hype Gay Folks Judge us on a daily basis...:)

Terry said...

Okay - figure this one out.

I deal with a lot of homosexuals. It is after all Hollywood. Now I have this thing with one of the Agents at Stupid Agents office. NO! Not that kind of "thing", a thing…thing!

Anyway, every time I see this guy I think, "…has this guy ever done anything "manly" in his fuckin' life? I mean I bet Homeboy can't even use a damn hammer."

Now I don't know why I think that, I just do. I mean I ain't mad at him, he can love who he wants. That's not what gets me. There's just something about the way the guy carries himself.

In the end I guess it's not is overabundance of "female qualities" that bugs me, but the lack of "male qualities".

We all have our hang-ups I suppose.

BZ said...

I don't get it either. What does it matter? I like how you put that - having an issue with someone's sexuality is like having an issue with their race or religion. It's true. That is how God programmed them, period.

Sh*t, if I have a son I hope he's gay! They're so much more fun! lol My sister is a lesbian and her best friend is a gay guy. He is just like a brother to us in our family.

Character over color, or even gender.

Wendy said...

My closes friend waited 10 years to tell me he was gay. For some reason he thought it would change how I felt about him. It didn't, I couldn't love him any more or less. Now do I agree with it?. No, but I have to answer to God for my own sins.And as I pray for him, I'm sure he is praying for me.

The Mistress said...

I don't get it either.

Homophobia pisses me right the fuck off. It boggles my mind how someone could be "conflicted" over someone's sexual habits. What's there to be conflicted about when you aren't directly involved?

Anyway, I have several gay and lesbian friends and they are some of the kindest, most compassionate, accepting people I have EVER known.

I haven't come across a gay person I didn't like. EVER.

Anonymous said...

yeah...dicy issue. Most people do form their opinions around religious upbringing. God specifically speaks on this in Rom 1:26-30 as well as 1 Cor 6:9. But in that last passage, he also speaks of a number of other things...like fornication, and fornication is listed first! God is no more pleased with homosexuals than He is with folks that have sex outside of marriage. People never seem to think (or know) about such things.

How I personally feel about it is of no consequence for he purposes of this discussion, but I'll pass along a bit of wisdom that was shared with me once.

"Love the sinner, hate the sin."

Paula D. said...

Same here.....I don't get it. They are still the person you knew.....

Hoodoo's Hostess said...

Girl, gay people have the most and best fun! They know how to party and have a good time, that's why I hold no grudges against anybody. I wish more of my friends were gay because I hate going out with my straight female friends and all they do is sit and sulk and complain about "dog" men in the world. I'm like: "Girl, I came to party and get my drank and dance on; you can sit and boohoo if you want to, but I'm not."

And gay men are not always looking at and ogling my ample bosom and backside when I'm out and about. With straight men, I always feel like a piece of f*cking meat just waiting for them to pounce on! It's really unnerving some times. And gay dudes can do some hair, honey! Anthony works in the salon where I go; he will HOOK A SISTA UP!

I just love people, period!

chele said...

I don't get it either.

I have a friend who recently came out to me. We've been friends for a few years and I actually started out as her "Home Minister" through our church. She moved away but we still keep in touch. She called me last week and told me that she was in a relationship with a woman.


Then she asked me what I thought.

What am I supposed to think? Why shoud I care one way or the other? I don't ask people what they think about my hetero/interracial relationship. Why? Cause I don't care what you think.

My friend is a good person, and a great mother and as long as she's happy I'm all for it.

Lyrically speaking said...

Three of my friends are gay, honestly they are the most lovable and fun creatures, I don't discreminate. Great post!!

They're not out there committing crimes...and who are we to judge.

Blu Jewel said...

All - i'm sorry it would take too much to reply individually and i honestly am limited on time.

i will say, i appreciate and respect everyone's comments and thoughts on this subject.

ms slish & Terry, you're right, most men do have a limited understanding and tolerance for gay people (mostly men), and i respect your thoughts on it. like you, we have a certain unsaid expectation of our children and for the most part it would probably crush me too, but i can't lie, i wouldn't treat lil lady any differently. Why? because she's my child regardless and whether i agree or not, i'll love her and chick would get the "imma buss a cap in yo ass if you fucks wit my child" speech just as a dude would.

SoJo - you're so right about loving in the sinner and not the sin. and all too often, we tend to be rather selective about our sins across the board.

So, again, i thank you all for your thoughts and for giving me your respective insight. i've calmed down since my friends email and i'm no longer "conflicted" over his confliction and simply say, he's entitled to his opinions.

dc_speaks said...

great topic, but I digress.

hmmmmmmm...i have been having mixed emotions on accepting alternative lifestyles for a long time

Anonymous said...

Actually I had a classmate or two that I thought was gay and I found out after highschool that indeed they were....I figure that If I talked to them then, whats the issue now that I know they are gay....It doesn't really matter to me....Shhhh I have too many other things to worry about other than people sexual orientation.....What I do get is that people will always try to create a problem with someone else no matter what.....

Also I watch out for those who are just totally anti-gay.......they may be fighting a lil' temptation of their own!!

T.C. said...

i think it comes down to people being afraid of what they 1) don't know and 2) is against what they have been raised to think is right or wrong...

i am with you, what you do is ON YOU! I don't have to answer for you and you don't have to answer for me...its not my place to judge you, your choices or your circumstances...period...

let people just live and be happy...my 17 year old niece is gay, i love her that's my niece my blood...so whatever makes her happy makes me happy! as long as its a healthy relationship, her sexual orientation doesn't matter to me...period!

spchrist said...

We all have opinions and sometimes we try not to judge but we subconsciously do.

Lola Gets said...

I have never had a problem with gay or transgendered persons. I am a self-confessed fag hag, and I love it! One of these days, Imma write a post about it too, lol.