19 August 2008

Open Letter #3 (To My BrOtHeRs)

Dear you!

How can you not see that you’re deserving and worthy of so much more than you’re allowing yourself to settle for? Why can’t you see that you’re only negatively impacting your life by failing to man up and move into the future? No woman in her right mind is going to accept a man who she feels is incapable of making the hard decisions. You say you want a woman who’s strong, assertive, independent, and knows how to treat a man, but you’ve constantly settled for women who are anything but that. Man, read this and realize that a woman is more than the sum of her parts and when you see beyond the easy access, you’ll see that you’ll gain a queen and not the harlot in queens clothing. You’ve made plenty of life altering decisions without adequately assessing the magnitude of what you’ve done and continue to make excuses for both yours and their decisions/behavior.

You’re a hard working man who’ll do what needs to be done to ensure your business remains afloat, that bills and workers get paid, and that your children are provided for, but you deny yourself the basic elements of happiness. WTH? I recognize that at times we all have to do things we don’t necessarily want to do, but when you know what you’re doing is flat out wrong, then why continue to do it? Your friends and maybe even some family members have told you to fix your situation, but you don’t. You meet women of substance that can enhance; not inhibit your life, but again, you ignore the dollars and take the pennies.

I’ve listened to you talk the talk, but not walk the walk and it makes me sad. It makes me wonder why the less than woman gets the all that man. Now, I’m not saying you’re all that in all ways, but in many of the areas that it counts, you have it going on; yet it’s being wasted. You’re like the pretty vessel that leaks. Meaning that you’re all that on the outside, but inside there’s a hole and all that is of potential doesn’t get seen because you’re too afraid to fix what’s broken.

Your situation is an instance of making excuses and settling so you can’t come at a real woman who’s seeking a real man with that mess. She’s going to call you out for your inefficiencies; not to demean or emasculate you, but to point out what you’re doing wrong in an effect to help you do right. Yes, that’s what real women do. She’ll raise up a man and walk with him in an effort to bring out his greatness and worth. I hear you say, you understand and recognize that, but your actions dictate otherwise.

Take some advice from a woman who knows, recognizes, and appreciates her brothers that you can not and will not gain when you’re not willing to lose. You know the addage, "stand for something or fall for anything"; right now that you. When I look at you, I see so much potential and hope, but it's compromised and begins to look real unfamiliar when you're shroud is sullied by your own lack of will for betterment. In your situation, you’re really not losing that much in the grand scheme of things; but you’ll instead gain the wealth and worth of a woman who’ll love you, respect you, and cherish you. She’ll compliment you as your equal, she’ll support you, and she’ll cherish you for being her king. Take this open letter as your much needed learning lesson and know that you were created by Greatness to be greatness and any woman who tells you otherwise does not know her God, herself, or the worth of a man.



Tony OH said...

The most difficult thing is attempting to become King when one has never been a Prince. I pity the subjects of that Kingdom!

jus butterfli said...

wait, wait, wait! did u say, "a harlot in queens clothing"???!!?

u took me out w/ that 1 line & i'm still chuckling about it! (LOL) but seriously, this letter is SO on point! i'm thinking about cutting & pasting it n2 an email 4 all the dudes i know!

thank u 4 this, ma'am. as usual u find a way of letting me know that my experiences are not solitary events in the tapestry of life. we all go thru & run n2 the same things... in other words, i could have written this my-damn-self. using these same exact words!

i love u! peace!

OG, The Original Glamazon said...

Great open letter! I have found that sometimes men are not truly ready to be men. And many times it’s because no man has told them that they still have a way to go. So they chose women who make them feel like men instead of women who make them step up to the plate and become men.

Its hard in this day in time, it’s a fine line of support and tough love that can help men out of the wilderness of finding who they are. And I believe it works both ways, there are men who need to help some of the “harlots in queens clothing” out of their wilderness into finding who they are.

My aunt once told me that she believe that one of the biggest forks in the road in male development came when they were in their late 20’s early 30s. She said that the woman they are with at that time can make a huge difference as to the type of man they become in life. As the sister of three brothers I think she saw her brothers make those choices and some grew into the men her parents had raised and others stopped growing period. Yes this human development and relationship making it’s a tricky thing, but I think its worth it on so many levels!


Blu Jewel said...

Tony - man, did you ever say something with that comment. thanks for adding that gem to the jewel box.

jus - girl, you know we're kinnected *smile* and we often share the same thoughts. no, you most certainly NOT alone as is obvious in your response. and if you feel the need to share this with some men, then go right ahead; each one teach one!

OG - thanks for coming back! You're so right that there are men who aren't ready to become men and i think it's a part of the learning process that needs to be adequately and thoroughly addressed. All too often men aren't forced to own up to their shortcomings and unfortunately other men condone the negative behavior and woman make excuses for it, which makes the situation worse.

I have brothers who I've out in check because of how they've acted because I needed them to know that they'd have a fit if someone treated me badly or I allowed myself to get treated badly. It's that kind of intervention that's needed.

Your aunt is right; and arrested development is a dangerous and complicated thing.


Mr.Slish said...

Bluey you know I gots love for ya, but the answer is right in front of your face...The reason why men date Harlots in Queens clothing(great line by the way) is to feel needed. We're weak that way. I don't know why. Once a sista shows us too much muscle we run for cover. Men don't want She-Hulk we want Cinderella...

Most Dudes today probably come from single parent households meaning their hard nosed MAMA raised them. As they get older they probably want to date someone the TOTAL opposite because they're mother DROVE THEM CRAZY!!! ....lol..

I guess what I'm trying to say is open yourselves up to different races because Black men need more time to figure out who and where they want to be...

Blu Jewel said...

Slish - my yout! man, you a seh some tings deh. I so didn't expect you to encourage the sisters to date outside the race, but I appreciate you for saying that. LMAO@ the hard nose mama ref; you're a friggin nut! You did make a valuable point though stating why men like "harlots in queens clothing", but after a while, you need substance and NOT fluff right?! And it's not about her being She-Hulk, she just wants to help big him up instead of him being less than his full potential.

Thanks for providing a male perspective.


Believer 1964 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Believer 1964 said...

What a forum of comments to add to this deep and relative issue.

Being married I'm not totally in the mix of it, but can understand the complexity of men and what they need and want.

Men who are single and playing the field are not ready for commitment and probably for more than one reason or another.

I was intrigued by Mr. Slish’s comment and your reply.

I find it’s all about timing for women. We have the whole package of uplifting, being tough, Cinderella, and the sex goddess in the bedroom, but our trouble is we sometimes forget which hat to wear for the current situation. Success only comes with practice in a relationship.

In addition, many women are guilty of transitioning from girlfriend to wife, including me, and feel that we've gained dominion. We must remember that prayer along with influence without drama and antics can be our greatest asset.

Did I get off topic?!

Blu Jewel said...

Believer - I think you were right on topic and provided yet another view on the situation. Bing married doesn't negate your opinion as you in some ways have to work that much harder with your husband and your relationship. You're right women do sometimes forget which hat to wear; thus, further complicating the issues.

The bottom line of this scenario is that men have made excuses for their behavior and men have condoned it and women accepted it. We have to own up to ourselves in order to be the best person possible in order to enter into relationships. As I've said before, two halves make a whole, but two wholes makes an even stronger bond. We have to lift each other up even to point out the wrongs in our behavior in order to progress and move forward.


Believer 1964 said...

"We have to lift each other up even to point out the wrongs in our behavior in order to progress and move forward."

I'm giggling! Maybe it's me, but this is something I do with my woman friends not discuss with my man. He's not up for analyzing and picking apart his actions or how it was interpreted. Having said that, I'm known to break out with a one-liner that clearly shares how inappropriate something is.

Check this out...

"Guess Who" with Bernie Mac and Ashton Kutcher:

"That's just it, she's everything I'm not. You know, she's my other half. Without her I'm not whole. You know the thing about meeting your other half is you're walking around, you think you're happy, you think you're whole, then you realize you ain't shit without her. Then you can't go back to being just a half 'cause you know what it's like to be whole."

PreciousGem-Refinement in Progress said...

Wow! I wish I could have thought of half of this to say to a certain someone I know. Sometimes I wonder if HE sees his true potential? Oh what I would do with all of him. He's even acknowledged that he feels he would be a "better man" with me, but still he stays and I just move on my way as well. Peace and thanks!