13 August 2008

survey says???

I’ve polled a few women lately and asked their opinion on women who call the woman their man is either cheating with or has left her for. The general consensus on the women polled is that the woman has no right to call the other woman. If her man is cheating, then she needs to take that up with him because unless the other woman is openly disrespecting her (calling the house, doing drive-bys, or other ignorant acts), then the issue is between the man and woman. I’m not saying the side piece isn’t being disrespectful by cheating with a man knowing he has a woman, but I’m sure you know what I’m saying here.

Now, the other issue is the woman who is no longer in a relationship calling his current interest and putting his/their business out there. I’m really confused as to why women are doing this. I’ve been cheated on and/or left for another and my issue was never to confront the other woman. To me that would make me look really immature, insecure, and certainly hella crazy. And add the fact that no dack (intentionally spelled) is worth me playing myself out over; not even if he was my husband, fiancée, or baby-daddy. No siree bob! My beef at whatever level is between him and me not she and I, so I’m trying to understand where this behavior stems from.

A friend recently encountered a situation like this and the best I could tell her was not to talk to chic because if she took the time to put all her business on blast knowing they’re not technically in a relationship, what does she have to gain? I added that chic probably wants him back and is trying to blow my girls spot up hoping she’ll stop talking to him. Whatever her reason is, she’s actually playing with fire by calling a woman she doesn’t know because she has no idea how the other woman will react.

Fam, can you help me out here? Is it just me or is something terribly wrong with this kind of behavior?

Love!

21 comments:

deonte' k said...

I think when a situation like this happens to a man/woman.... they normally don't think, and react out of pure anger. But I agree, take it up with ur woman/man.... the other person is an issue, but the main focus is your man/woman. Duke it out with them, they are the one who's hurting you. It like this, why stoop down to their level. They will get theirs, because I'm a strong believer, that anything built on a lie is sure to fall. But if the other person want to bring it, (that's another story) thats when you put on on ur gloves, and go to town lol. Good blog.

Blu Jewel said...

deonte - thanks for stopping by and sharing the male perspective on this. i appreciate your input.

love!

Wendy said...

Hi Blu!

You know that I have written about this very subject. You are not alone,or crazy, it is not ok to call the other woman.What is the point? What do you plan to gain?I understand being hurt and wanting to lash out at someone, I do. But,the issue is your relationship with your man and should be taken up with him.

As far as the ex calling me, I wouldn't even begin any conversations involving her relationship with him, It's past and none of my business.

Believer 1964 said...

"Is it just me or is something terribly wrong with this kind of behavior?"

Girl, it’s bad behavior all around!

My view:

The husband for being a low down dirty dog for getting milk elsewhere when he's most likely got a 24-hour spot home in his bed. Don't get me started!

The other woman because you know she's been flirting, calling and down right blowin' up her dress in public so he can get a look-see. Nothin’ but a Ho!

The wife can keep her dignity and keep it movin' only by keeping the dirty laundry between her four walls at home. Absolutely, the other woman could go mental and fatal attraction could be inevitable.

You did right by your friend and gave great advice!

Keelah said...

Okay guilty! I have done this before. I never called after the relationship was over, but I did call to confirm my suspicions. The fact that I had a number to call to do so SHOULD have been enough but it wasnt. My ego was bruised and my heart was broken. I couldnt count on him to give me truth that I needed to give me the strength to put him behind me, so I called her. And found out what I needed to know. I HAD to ask did she know about me? how did he explain his chronic unavailability? I had to HEAR what little regard he held for me and our relationship. It was childish and I'm embarrased, but in the heat of the moment, I felt compelled to release that awful energy by any means necessary.

Terry said...

When anything like this happens people go through a range of emotions. They get pissed, question themselves, try and understand, and wonder what the hell went wrong.

All good things I suppose, but I have found that people rarely ever look at a situation totally objectively. And with that there is no way to get a clear picture of what really happened.

The bottom line is the bottom line. It’s over. Somebody did something stupid and somebody got hurt. But dwelling on it isn’t going to change anything. Contacting or confronting anyone isn’t going to turn back the clock and make everything right. Best anyone can hope for, is to get a little emotional release from of the whole thing. However, nine chances outta ten, nothing will change except maybe you’ll temporarily feel better about shit.

But in the end, it’s still what it is. Just leave everything alone and move da hell on.

My theory is, it’s never good to spend too much time on things that didn’t work. It’s time that you could have been spending on things that do.

But what the hell do I know? I still eat Cheerios for breakfast.

nikki said...

HELITY NAW. what in the world is wrong with these women/men?!? when it's over, it's over. no need dragging it on by getting caught up in the new relationship. i got too much pride for all that. hell, i wish 'em well, cuz if he left me for her, he leaving her for the next new pussy.

Mizrepresent said...

I really think it's stupid and assinine, why subject someone else to your problem. These are silly, immature women, period. If you had your man, he wouldn't be out there, and if he was your man, you wouldn't have to check his new girl. I would never do this kind of BS, when i found out my man was cheating i confronted him, and him alone, because he is the only one i'm in a relationship with, not the other woman.

Ms. Confessions said...

In regards to the woman throwing salt into the mix, I question her motives and consider the source. The meddling woman obviously doesn’t have my best interests at heart so why would I take her word as gospel.

The games we play…

Blu Jewel said...

Wendy - yes, i think i recall you writing about this and thanks for sharing your feelings on it here. good to know that i'm not the only one who thinks this practice is crazy.

believer - agreed that the practice is bad all around, but if the relationship is over, then chic shouldn't be calling the new woman and starting mess. airing laundry should only be done when it's clean. i advised her as best i could.

keelah - you know what? i appreciate your honesty and it's good to get a comment from the other side of the fence. for the reason you mentioned, it's understandable why you did what you did and it's also good to hear that you feel a little embarassed for what you did; that's big. Hoping your current or future relationships are better. *smile*

Terry - thanks for proving another male's perspective. what you said is true on all fronts because it's a myriad of things that the person is dealing with, but dignity and integrity go a long way. and you're stupid for your cheerios comment *lol*

nikki - LMAO @ HELITY NAW! cosign what you said. let that mess go, hold your head high, and move the hell on. why stay in the back on the bus when you can sit up front. *sheesh!*

miz - oh, my soul-sister you're with me once again.

ms confessions - ^5! you hit the nail right on the head. her motives are and will always be suspect.

Love!

chele said...

Yes there is something seriously wrong here. Let it go. Leave it alone.

I was in a situation once when I found out I had been cheated on. I did call the girl to let her know that her/our man had been with me. Not to confront her but to make sure that she wasn't in the dark. She threatened to kill me. Oh well ... from now on all chicken heads can stay in the dark.

laughing808 said...

I agree that there is no sense in communicating with the other woman if there is no personal attacks from the other woman. It's best for all parties involved to decide whether to stay or walk away. That man is gonna do what and who he chooses when he chooses.

Blu Jewel said...

chele - nice to see you lady. that's messed up that you got threatened when you were trying to do something decent. craziness!

laughing - thanks for the virgin visit. in the situation i'm referring to, they're not technically in a relationship and yet she's contacting my girl and asking her questions. my girl has told chic to stop calling her and keep her out her mess.

sidebar...sounds to me like chic doesn't want him to move on, but doesn't quite want him because she told my girl that he's basically unable to remain faithful. if that's the case, why the drama? (rhetorical). This is why women are always caught up in some mess and are unable to get along. If it's over, let it go. If you suspect he's a cheat, leave him alone and move on. Contacting the other woman tens to yield no favorable results.

Love!

jus butterfli said...

since i was one of the women "polled", u already know i think chicks who do this are crazee as hell... but let me add another thg that always baffles me....

WHY DHA HELL DO WOMEN GET CAUGHT OUT THERE FIGHTING EACH OTHER WHEN THEY FIND OUT A DUDE IS DOIN' BOTH OF THEM??!!!

dha fuck ('scuse my language! LOL) is THAT about?! i've always thought the woman who old boy was w/ & the "side piece" should get together & kick his ass, since, he was the common denominator in the madness AND the other woman ain't never promised u shit! feel me?

anywho... since u always seem 2 hi-jack my comments section, i thought i'd return the favor 2day! (hehehe) & even tho' my comments aren't the longest, u know this IS long 4 me. (LOL)

peace! love! always!

Blu Jewel said...

jus - thanks for being a part of the polling process; your input was duly noted. as for chics fighting over some dack; they're competing with the short bus and losing. there is nothing more triflin than that and they should be beat with cat-o-nine-tails for that. i ain't fighting no one over some damn sex. sheesh!

girl, you know i'm not even worried about you hijacking my comments, you've got a voice and i know you're not afraid to use it. And that's what the comment box is for anyway.

love!

karrie b. said...

sometimes we women dont think with the logical side of our brains. we react based on pure emotion.

what sucks is that we end up hurt, and not the guy.

-KB

Blu Jewel said...

karrie - what an excellent point you make about the woman ending up hurt and not the guy. with that said, let me play devils advocate, what if, based on the girls actions, the guy ends up hurt by not being able to be in a functional relationship with another woman because of his ex?

to me, unless someone truly puts their foot down and someone grows up and takes control of the situation, it's a no win position for all.

love!

Mr.Slish said...

You know my stance on this already Sistren...lol People feh mine dem own business..

Men can't really relate to this because we don't do stuff like that. If our old squeeze is crushing on somebody new. We call our Old Squeeze and cry " WHHHHY that NUCCA!! I know his baby mama he ain't got no job!!! lol....

arychtexas said...

You said it right you know. If she aint direspecting you then dont respond thats the best response!

Blu Jewel said...

Slish - yes, mi bredrin, dem fi mine dem rahtid business! Men don't do this cause as least in some instances they think with the right head...lol!

arychtexas - agreed and thanks for the virgin visit.

love!

Darius T. Williams said...

Looks like you got all of your needed advice...damn - lol.