I actually wrote this letter in early December when I was finally transitioning out of emotional bondage into the well-deserved emotional freedom I have now. After another recent epiphany, I decided to post it. I'd previously shared it with a couple of my near and dear girls, whom immediately encouraged me to send it to The Him, but I said it wasn't really written with the intent to send it; moreso just to purge my thoughts/feelings. Well, it's a new day; a new year; a new decade; and most of all; a better me, so I'm now fully releasing this into the universe as I continue to pray that The New Him will be mine instead.
First let me preface this by saying that I am in no way bitter, angry, or any negative emotion one can think of. In fact, I’m completely lucid, emotionally liberated, and happy; very happy. Furthermore, none of this is said to hurt, insult or offend, but merely to express some things that were not previously said.
My moment of sublime emotional clarity came when I realized that while I’m the gold at the end of the rainbow, you are simply not ready for receiving what 1) has always been yours and 2) that you’re afraid to be rich with all the emotional rewards that come with being with a woman like me. Yes, I realize I sound extremely arrogant right now, but I can honestly say that I’ve very much earned that right. I’ve worked hard to be a women of amazing character; whole, sustained; and one capable of being loved fully; wholly; and loyally. I’m the woman that you bring home to your mother and say, “she’s The One!” Additionally, I’m the woman who loves her man for and in spite of his flaws who’ll not try to change him into what I want or think he should be. If I fell in love with him, then I’ve fallen in love with every piece of him good or bad.
I’m the woman who knows she’s his missing rib to make both he and her whole, but is secure enough in herself to still be able to function without him while; all the while still providing the necessary balance in his life.
Women like me will seek her continued growth, asks her man to inspire and encourage her, as she takes her many and varied walks in life. I’m the woman who’ll love and accept you at your worst and be your biggest cheerleader when you’re at your best. I’m that woman who knows that being her mans friend and partner is far more important than being his lover. She knows that there’ll be times when she will not like her man, but will love him no matter what and will use his deficits as ways to find the root problem and work toward healing and growth instead of condemning and emasculating him.
I will respect his time and space and know that just because he wants to be alone doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be with me in favor of something or someone else. I will know that he needs to have his own escapes and things he enjoys without me. I will support and encourage that and know that the times when we’re together and doing things as a couple is equally important to him and us.
I’m the woman who knows she doesn’t have to compete or feel insecure because I’m secure in myself and trust that he’s with me because that’s what he wants and where he wants to be. My man will not have to fight to maintain us because we’ll have built our relationship on firm and solid ground. We’ll have built a foundation on friendship, on trust, on mutual respect, and honest communication. I’m the woman who knows when to be silent and when/how to listen.
As I said before, any man who gets me has gotten a woman who God has cleansed and made whole. He’ll find his rightful partner and will honor and cherish me as his friend, his partner, and his Queen. He’ll know without a doubt that he’s made the right choice and will do nothing to inflict harm in any form to me.
My life’s experiences have shown me that in order to have the man and the love I deserve I cannot and will not allow myself to settle for first place second. I must always seek to be first and wear the crown. I must not allow myself to be deluded, mistreated, or left feeling unworthy. If I can’t be where I know I’m supposed to be, then it’s best that I not be involved with any man until he knows and appreciates a woman’s worth.
Any woman who knows her worth will not need to resort to drastic measures in order to secure a man or his affections. She will simply walk tall with her head held high and know that God didn’t make her to be used or abused. She’ll know that she is a temple and that her hallowed walls are sacred and are only to be shared with a man who’ll know not to defile her, but worship her and cherish his opportunity to have been afforded such a bestowed privilege.
I am this woman. I am the all the woman I have spoken of and I shall never be anything less than that.
Of your own choosing you walked away from the very thing you want most in the world and I didn’t stop you because I know I didn’t need to. Your decision wasn’t born of a need to stop running and fight; instead of your own fear of losing a good thing. Your fear is that I’ll somehow change and you’ll not only lose the love that’s been there for you and with you without ever asking anything of you. Furthermore, you seem more content in knowing that you’ll always have that safe place to go to when your world falls apart, as it always seems to do, which is really foolish if you’re honest enough to think about it because if you put me in my rightful place in your life, you’d know that your fear is unwarranted.
I am the woman who knows you as you know yourself and in some ways moreso. I’m the woman whom you trust implicitly and knows will never do anything to cause conflict in your life. All the things you’ve ever wanted in a woman are here with me and yet you once again chose another. I’m beyond confused how you can quantify that, but that’s your call. You can’t say you’re going to fight for something when you’ve had something right in front of you that you never had to fight for because it was yours to begin with. I’ve learned you somehow enjoy the turmoil and act of the fight. Fighting is indicative of their being an underlying problem and you have to resort to great means to make things work. Philosophy dictates if you have to fight that hard, then it’s not working. I know my God does not want us to suffer and I know He wants us to love and be loved the right way. He makes changes in our lives for a reason; however, we tend to think we know better and in contradicting Him, we find ourselves caught up and caught out there.
Well, my dear, I live my life knowing that I’m worthy in so many ways. I live knowing that I don’t need to invest where there is no yield. I can’t and won’t live in a manner that’s not conducive to my life’s goals and desires and expect a different result. So, it’s with that thought that I can say all of what I’ve said. I can proudly say I AM THAT WOMAN! I’m God’s blessed and divine creation and He’ll not have me in a situation I shouldn’t be in.
He brought you back in my life to teach me the lesson of forgiveness, love, and friendship and I can honestly say that I’ve passed with honors. My shoulders bear no weight, my life is conflict free, and those I keep close are worthy of me as I am them. My life has endured some tough breaks, but it’s also given me plenty to live for and aspire to.
If it’s so ordained that you and I are to be more than friends, then that’s a venture I’m willing to take; maybe! However, in the mean time, I shall live life fully and happily. I will embrace each day and find the sun in spite of the rain. My life will be a series of opportunities more taken than missed as I refuse to settle in any form.
It's all possible!