Men – Do you routinely practice acts of chivalry? I’m defining it as, doing things for woman that could have been taught in “charm” school or that are considered old school/traditional behavior. Do you have a problem opening doors, being prompt, allowing the woman to go first; things of that nature? How many of you still believe in the fine art of courting and dating? Yes, it’s a given that you might sex; hell, we want it too, but are you willing to wait for it?
Women – Do you routinely accept or expect this kind of behavior? Are you willing to allow the man to lead, to do kind things without thinking he has an agenda, and would you reciprocate in kind? Do you also believe in the art of being courted and dated? Are you willing to wait for sex?
Why am I asking this? Well, as a strong, independent, and assertive woman, I still appreciate and sometimes expect those traditional/chivalrous values. I carry myself in a ladylike manner and expect to be treated accordingly. I thoroughly enjoy being treated like a lady. I still hold an appreciation for the traditional values that don’t seem to be taught in our homes and society these days. How can we expect our children to know how to act if they’re not taught?
We need to get out of the habit of thinking sex or attraction equals the making of a good relationship. We need to seek substance, good and consistent qualities and not think that because he looks good on paper, makes him a good mate. Think about the character Blair Underwood played in Madea’s Family Reunion who from the outside was the perfect catch; meanwhile he was beating chicks ass often. Instead of Mr. Looks Good on Paper, why not consider Mr. Cable Guy who can fix ish around the house, listen to you when you’ve had a bad day, instead of beating your ass at the end of it.
Men, I’m asking you to stop treating woman as disposable objects and consider how you’d feel if some dude was doing that very same thing to your mother, sister, or daughter. I’m asking you to see beyond the fat ass and tig ol bitties! Look for her heart and her entire being. Find her core and share yours with her.
In speaking with a man who not only routinely, but proudly treats women in a polite and respectable fashion, he advised me that some women do not like it or understand it. I looked at him like, “are you serious?” In a day and age where women are often complaining there are no real men still in the world, here one is and he’s being under appreciated. He said, there was an occasion where he took a woman to a formal function and she didn’t know how to use the various utensils. On another occasion he said, the woman he was out with asked him what he wanted/expected because he was treating her in such a nice way. Can you believe such a thing? Sadly we can, because women have and continue to sell themselves out for dinner, a bill payment, or something material thing. I thought it was a shame that a woman would even think like that. But I guess it’s the times we live in where everything comes with a price.
If, as a man or woman don’t know how to receive this treatment, speak to someone you know who has a good relationship and ask for some advise. Let’s all stop hiding behind walls to so-call protect ourselves and instead work with and for each other to bring the walls down. Let’s start with the root and work upward from there. Let’s have real and honest dialogue and get to know the real person behind the suit, overalls, nice car, home, or whatever gets you so easily caught up and distracted.
Personally, a man who opens/holds doors, escorts me under an umbrella, has good table manners, engages in good and interactive conversation is wonderful. No, it’s not just about sex, it’s simply about being polite and respectable. As ladies, we should learn to accept and appreciate that there are men who still uphold these values and show him that we enjoy it. Remember it’s the simple things that carry the most weight. My brothers, please learn these things if you haven’t already and my sisters, allow a man to lead and show him you are thankful that he’s treating you like a lady and not like a bitch or ho.
My brothers and sisters, there is no harm in being single and wear that title proudly. You still as empty after hooking up as you were before you did it, so consider how much you’re really getting for what you’re giving. Temporary gratification is no match for long term reward/satisfaction. I was celibate for almost 3 years once before and I’ll do it again before I use myself as a cum dumpster in the name of sexual independence.
Let’s get out there and teach our children and our neighbours the value of self-worth/respect. Hell, let’s check our peers and help them see the error of their ways. We can’t help each other if we talk about them instead of too them. I know what you’re saying, “they’re grown, they’re gonna do what they wanna do”. Yes, that could very well be true, but consider that this could be simply learned behavior because no one taught them any better or they didn't have any real examples to follow.
Let’s try to think outside the box luvies and start doing things to uplift ourselves in order to have relationships of substance. Remember this though, you can’t ask for something of another if you’re not right with yourself first.
It's all possible!