12 January 2010

Question of the day?

If you, male or female got involved with someone while they we in a relationship or marriage with someone else, do you think you could trust them to be in a committed relationship with you should their other relationship/marriage fell apart?

I’ve been thinking about this question for quite some time and the more I thought about it, the more I felt it would make for a good topic of blog conversation.

From my own experience, I can’t see how any good can come of a relationship that was built on lies, dishonesty, and distrust. I married my ex-husband who was married when I started dating him and he ended up cheating on me. I never thought it would happen as we’d been through so much together and it was truly one of those cases where he stayed married for the kids, but that’s still no excuse. He had to lie and sneak around to be with me, so what made me think I was so special that when push came to shove, he wouldn’t treat me in kind to how he treated his ex-wife?

I know someone who got her current husband the same way and I’m sure not a day goes by that she doesn’t think about that. Why? Because given that this woman does not have to work, has two wonderful children, lives in an estate home, drives a luxury car, and whose husband earns enough to take them on nice vacations etc on his high 6-figured income; she’s still unhappy. Why? Because when your husband travels for business, you find yourself wondering if he’s messing around. Why? Because he used to mess around on with you while he was married to his ex-wife.

There is a very fine line between fidelity and infidelity and it’s one that we must tread upon lightly. I don’t think that everyone is going to cheat and many haven’t, but I’m sure it’s fair to say, that there are many who’ve thought about it.

Given that I’ve partaken in it, I can’t call the kettle black by saying there are justifiable reasons for it, so from what I’ve been through; no good can really come of it.

Now, you’ve heard what I have to say; your turn!

It’s all possible!


CareyCarey said...

I've heard it said that you can't turn a Ho into a house wife.

So, I doubt a snake is going to turn into a prince or a princess. Maybe it will happen in a Disney cartoon, but the odds are against it happening in real life.

But be aware, there's two sides to this issue. It's a bitch when the rabbit has the gun.

Translation: It takes 2 to tangle. If the snake doesn't change, what does that say about the bait???

Just a little food for thought.

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

Nope. I've seen it happen before, eventually things break down. Anyone who knowing enters into an adulterous affair should also be willing to accept all the ish that happens afterward.

Blu Jewel said...

@Carey - Thanks for the words. You've spoken a lot of truth here. Like I said, I got my ex-husband in an adulterous way and made excuses for it because I knew for FACT that his previous marriage was bad, but no matter what it didn't make it right. My overall point is that we need to seek relationships that are conceived in truth, with respect, and where BOTH parties are not involved with anyone else.

@Curvy - So true; so right!

QueenBee said...

A friend once told me that the same way you meet a person will be the same one you lose them.

chele said...

I'd love to believe that people can change but the thought would always be lingering in the back of my mind.

SLC said...

I think some adulterous relationships are driven by the added excitement of knowing you're stepping out on someone. But when the marriage ends, and the playing ends and the serious begins and the sneaky sex becomes cum quick so I can go to sleep sex, people can find themselves looking for that old spark somewhere else. And the cycle continues............

Blu Jewel said...

@Queen - there is much truth in that; TRUST me

@Chele - I'm with you on that, but that doubt would drive me insane.

@SLC - That's one vicious cycle I want no parts of; those people can nest together.

It's all possible!

Anonymous said...

I believe there is no fine line between fidelity and infidelity, but rather a bold black line we call commitment [our wedding vows].

I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

BlackWomenBlowTheTrumpet said...

Hey there!

I haven't been by in quite some time! This is a good topic!!

Dr. Angelou said that when people show us who they are, we should believe them the first time.

A person who will betray someone who trusts them will repeat that behavior at some point...especially if that person is justifying that betrayal.

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!

Anonymous said...

"...no good can really come of it." couldn't have been better expressed. However, the temptation is to paint 'her' (or him, as the case maybe) who smitten her now husband when he was still committed elsewhere, the guilty one.

I will say not so, she was overtaken by something ('love') which oftentimes we really have not control over.