A what I know for sure moment...

The expression, "when someone shows you who they are, pay attention" reigns supreme in how I decide your role in my life. As I've previously said, I take friendships seriously and am fully committed to their maintenance and sustainment once entered into. What I will not do is make excuses for ones behaviour and allow said person to run a mock in my life with words that have no supporting action.

I allowed, what I thought would be a fun and engaging friendship to form in my life, which to its credit did start out on good footing; however, over time it's become something that fails to resemble a friendship at all. I do understand the complexities of platonic vs. intimate relationships when it involves the opposite sex, but with careful, open, honest, and real communication, a balance can be established; however in this instance it did not.

I established from day one that I was not ready for an intimate relationship and that I wanted to chill and hang out. No, I'm not talking about Friends with Benefits (FWBs), just two people hanging out and enjoying each others company. He said, he was cool with that and was able to chill with me on equal ground...JUST FRIENDS! Suffice it to say, he caught feelings and an abrupt left turn in Albuquerque promptly followed.

Given that I actually gave a damn about him and our newly formed friendship, I called to inquire about his sudden change of behaviour and lack of communication. We discussed it and I suggested that he take whatever time out he needed, but effective communication still needed to be a place holder as NO relationship can be sustained without it. He agreed!

Weeks past and then months, and I found myself the recipient of his talk, with no action. This is a no-no in my books and borders on being a deal breaker. I have no time for settling because it appeases someone's hypersensitivity as its taxing and toxic. I once again, expressed my concerns over his behaviour and lack of actions and was given this long; drawn out explanation, which quite frankly sounded like sugar-coated shit disguised as candy. I'd had enough!

He picked the wrong time of year and the wrong woman to think that syrupy sounding words, frosted with whipped bullshit, and sprinkles of "but I love you and miss you" that sound more like profanity instead of words of affection would actually woo me. There is nothing worse than hearing those words knowing that they're empty, defiled and being used as a magnet to draw me back in. Sorry, I'm 1) not that pressed for affection, 2) easily swayed by words that are just words, and 3) in need of a friendship that really isn't a friendship at all.

I've come to the conclusion that he showed me pretty early on who he was and initially he was genuine; and in fact may very well still be; however, just because he's a good person; doesn't make him good for me. Our friendship was ill-matched and laden with things that would escalate from one deal breaker to another. What I know for sure is that no amount of honesty on my part could have prepared me for the position I ended up putting myself in when I realized that his feelings were manifesting. In spite of trying to maintain communication, it's obvious he's not used to the kind of woman I am and doesn't see how important communication is in any and all relationships.

One last thing I know for sure is that I'm not going to settle for someone/thing that doesn't bode well in my life. Nostalgia has no place in what it really means to have a functional friendship. Red flags are not to be ignored. If the issue can be mitigated; then I'm all for it and am willing to forge on; however, when the flag continues to fly high, it's time to walk away....And so it is and so shall it be!

Love to live; live to love!

Not your garden variety P.M.S

A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with My Girl where we were discussing the heinous crime that exacts itself upon us roughly every 28 days. We fussed and complained, but then decided that we must accept it as a part of our nature and instead of cursing it, just let it be. We figured if we breathed negative energy into it, the worse it would feel month after month. Now, for me, my "monthly contribution" is short-lived; however, still rather discomforting and something I wish would just stop. I'm going through chemically induced menopause as a result of the medicine I take, but I'm still menstruating, so the conflicts my body goes through is nuts, but hey, that's why they created meds to control the Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder-PMDD that I'm going through.

Anyway, I didn't bring you here to tell you about my bodily functions...I digress...here's what I really wanted to talk about.

So, My Girl and I continued to talk and we start talking about men, relationships and life. We discussed how we could flip P.M.S and make it something positive; something that we could center on and use effectually in our lives. We came up with Pure Mental Serenity...Our P.M.S. We agreed that there are so many things in life to be celebrated than to stress over a temporary; albiet an annoying factor in our lives. Together we spoke of how far we've come as women and how much we've overcome in order to be solid and whole women. We celebrate each other's ups and nurture each other through the downs and still find joy in the experience no matter what.

P.M.S is achieveable people if you want it bad enough. P.M.S can be retrieved by simply being still for a moment and releasing the pressure valve holding you mentally hostage; job/children/spouse/money or whatever stress. There are things that are within our power to handle and control and there are plenty that are not and it's at those times you pray, you have faith, and you hold the knot in that rope a little tighter. You give the problems over to your Higher Power and "accept the things you can not change". Your P.M.S will kick in and you will find that which will sustain you. And if per chance you're unable to having that P.M.S moment and need to let it all out; then have at it. Cry; kick; scream; take that drive, or whatever it is that provides comfort and you'll find the P.M.S will be right there with you as you've released the negative into the universe and made room for the positive to unfold in and around you.

My Girl and I have accepted this into our beings. We give and receive it as we continue to inspire, nurture, and encourage each other. God was very much in the midst of that conversation on that special day. He governed our thoughts and our speech enough to bring tears to our respective eyes as we realized the power, wealth, and magnitude of the conversation we were having. There is no greater joy than that!

We are all special creations of God's awesome love and wonder. We must accept that His way is not our way and that the trials we go through aren't because he loves us not, but instead because he loved us enough to die for us. He gave us a clean slate to work with and somehow we sullied it by sidestepping Him. When we attach negative labelings to so many things, it's no wonder why we feel so heavy-ladened instead of joyous. Having P.M.S can avert the negative formations in your life if you allow it to. What do you have to lose? I say, give it a try; open your heart and mind to a new version of P.M.S; you're gonna thank me for it.

Love to live; live to love!

The truth will set you free

My bestie has been in a relationship since last summer and it seemed all good at first, but over time, I started to see some things that were pissing me off. I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to rain on her parade. I dropped a hint or two here and there, but never really vocalized my thoughts because I pick and choose my battles wisely.

A month or so ago, I mentioned some things that had been on my mind and she seemed like she was listening, but I don't think she was really hearing me. I left it alone and went on business as usual. Just the other day, bestie was pissed off royal and I used it as a segway to voice the things that had been on my mind. Fortuantely for me, she was receptive to what was being said and took it all very well; better than I'd expected actually.

She's apparently stuck to her guns and the advice she was given and the relationship appears that it's going to come to an end. I'm happy that I spoke up and shared my views instead of sucking it up and watching her suffer and/or think no one gave a damn about what she was going through. Sometimes it takes the input or influence of those who care about us to help us see the forest for the trees. That's what friendship and love is all about.

Love to live; live to love!

Friends & Friendship

I was reading
Terry's post on the friendship subject and it inspired this post.

I've been toying with this post for some time as it can be an emotionally charged topic, but you know I'm not one for shying away fro controversy, so I went ahead with it. Naturally, I can't and won't name names or even some specific details, but I will give my honest take on the subject anyway.

For the most part we all know who our friends are and what their respective role in our lives is, but I'm sure there have been times when you've questioned, "is this person really my friend?"

In a day and age where MySpace is being used as the driving and dictating force of who and how many friends we have. Now, let's stop being silly here. We do not have 336 friends; we have 336 people we're using as trophies to make ourselves seem popular. Some people use MySpace as a networking tool, so it's obvious that many of the people posted as "friends" are really business related associates. Some people are actually family members, and there are in fact some real friends too. However, the vast majority of the 336 "friends" aren't friends. I think it's pretty sad that people will attach themselves to virtual strangers and not go into the live world and make contact. Yes, I believe that some real friendships have been formed through MySpace, but on average, that's not the case.

Real human contact is what this society is lacking and it's pretty sad. It seems we'd rather interact with people at some distance and call them friends, than actually go out and be a part of the world around us. Yes, I have a MySpace and on average I spend less than 1 hour a week on it. I primarily use it to keep in touch with my family whom represent mostly everyone who's visible as "top friends" and also to keep contact with my business partners. There are a few special people who I reach out to via MySpace, but call me out school, but I'd rather call, send an email, or use snail mail to keep in touch. Now, I'm not knocking those who use MySpace, but let's simply be and keep it real on the whole friendship aspect of it.

Moving on...

I, for the most part am a very good friend. I'm pretty much ride or die with those who count and even if we're more like acquaintances, I'll still do whatever I can for you. This has served to my detriment at times because some have taken advantage of my kindness, but I'm still a good person who'll do for you anyway. I've done my share of shitty things to one friend in particular, but honestly and truly, it was never done out of malice; instead out of frustration because I could not get through to said person and I needed to vent to someone who'd understand. I'm not a callous or malicious person by nature and this person knows that about me. To her, my actions were seen as betrayal and to some degree inexcusable and she has a right to feel that way. We could play plaintiff/defendant, but the bottom line is, I am not a horrible person and still have extremely redeeming qualities. We are still friends, though there is some underlying malaise that exists between us. That aside, I'm still a good person and one who''ll own up to her shortcomings.

Now, I've been treated unfairly by some so-called friends and I've dealt with the situations and them accordingly. We've either reconciled, reduced the status of our friendship, or we've parted ways. I do not need to clutter my life with quantity if there is no quality. I am not one who needs to have a lot of attention or be at the center of attention. If I enjoy your company, your friendship, and we have the necessary mutuality to maintain a good rapport, that's what's important to/for me. I'm one who can easily be left to her own devices and not feel alone. I'd rather not stand in the middle of everyone yet be surrounded by no one.

Friends and friendship is a touchy subject and it can be both a good and bad relationship shared with others. For those I truly know are my friends; they know it and know who/what I am and what I'd do for them. For those who have to question my friendship; should in fact question themselves because if I'm willing to honor and sacrifice for who we are and what we have, how come they can't. This goes out to one person in particular, but he doesn't read my blogs anymore, so he'll never get this, which is a shame cause he really needs to know. Oh well, bottom line it was his loss.

Anyhoo, I'm happy with those who I currently have in my life and embrace their presence as a gift. None is like the other and what we share is special and sacred between us. Naturally, some of those bonds are closer than others, but all in all I know what we have is of merit. There are a few newcomers (you know who you are) to my friendship circle and I'm enjoying getting to know them better and building on what I hope will be of great benefit to each of us.

Take inventory on who you call friend. Don't let history, circumstance, or whatever congest space in your life where someone of real benefit should be. Be a true friend to whomever is in your circle and ask for the same in return. Favor quality over quantity and rely on human contact to bond you and not virtual contact.

Love!

ode to my fellow bloggers

In my view from the cheap seats, I see through my eyes and I am inspired to write for life because the confessions of an everyday woman are conveyed through my stream of consciousness. The thoughts in my blue state of mind are poured out as I discuss miscellaneous matters and give you the fackin truth; no filters no filler. But sometimes I have to make a note to self to slow it down and take a sojourner to get some eclectik relaxation and reflect at the golden time of day in order not to lose and yell, o hell nawl when stuff gets to me. A trip to the Mistress Lounge has been a good place to clear my head and take the edge off. I’ve gotta be careful though because she’s got some risqué stuff in there that could lead me to some that could cause me to want to participate in some lovers anonymous acts. But then I realize that I’m more drawn to words, which leads me to being lyrically yours and that’s more stimulating to this Urban Butterfly.

Though my world is still crazy at least the jail in which I sometimes dwell is minus the bars, I find myself sometimes living the butterfli effect trying to figure out if life through my eyes is really as it presents itself to be. Sometimes I’ve wondered what it would be like to be Hoodoo’ed and act with miss(ed) manners just to get a reaction out of people. But I thought that someone might tell Aunt Jackie and I’d get in trouble. And depending on what I’d done, I might have to PostSecret just to get it out of my system; though I think I could tell Mr. Slish cause he’d like to hear me cleansing my thoughts.

In my travels, I often end up in the electronic village where my mind is stimulated and feed, but sometimes I need it Raw Dawg in order to have it broken down into the ghetto economics that I understand. The indigo trails of my thoughts are sometimes interrupted by Yazmars breakthrough and then like magic; zuri she wrote and I’m back to life in the chocolate city and I’m no longer beyond mere words. It’s then that I’m back to the rich house, proud to be a black man’s daughter and saying
I think to myself what a wonderful world.

Cherry Poppin!

After a terrible online experience I had with someone, I've since erred on the side of caution when it comes to talking offline or even going as far as to meet them in person. When I started blogging, it wasn't with the intention of making new friends; instead a means to take my writing to another level and not limit my writing to poems/stories. I've since made some pretty good friends and contacts and I'm actually quite pleased about it as it's shown growth on my part and that I'm not allowing past incidents/people to affect and/or hinder my present or future. I'll admit, I do still have flashbacks or feel some trepidation when considering offline contact, but again, I must not allow myself to be held back.

I began ready one blog in particular and was often tickled by it's content and became curious about the person behind it. Not one to quickly want to get to know females (y'all women know what I mean), I struggled with the idea of contacting her over some things she'd written. One evening, I finally mustered up the courage to email her. She graciously accepted my out reach and responded in kind to my email. Over frequent exchanges, I felt my guard come down a little and I shared that I was reluctant to fully let my guard down after what I had previously happened to me. She made a statement that shocked me. "I promise you, I will never let you regret meeting me." I took it with a grain of salt at first thinking, "yeah, that's what they all say at first and then they hit you with the big gun." Well, I must admit, she's not only made me eat crow, but a good helping of humble pie. This woman has become a good source of amusement; a companion; a motivator; an inspiration; a sista in Christ; and most of all and more importantly; she's kept her initial word. So, ms jus.b.fli, I just wanted to thank you for poppin my Getting to Know You Offline Blogger Cherry. We speak via phone, through email, and one day I look forward to meeting her in person. Oh, what a scary. yet fun day that'll be...watch out world! *devilish laugh*

Now, I want to take this even further. Back when all the Blogger Tabloid erupted with the whole faking your own death saga took place, I began to get to know another blogger online through our respective blogs. His spoke often (read...ALL THE TIME...lol) about his lovely girlfriend who lives in Jamaica. I was planning a trip and made inquiries regarding her etc. We took the convo offline to emails and eventually via phone. He was pleasant, polite, and informative and it was a pleasure to get to know another blogger personally. Back in April when I took my trip, we planned to meet at the airport, but with the flight delay I had and circumstances beyond my control, we didn't meet. We did; however, speak and I said, "maybe next time". Well, that next time was a few weeks ago and we did in fact get to meet. Having already known what he looked like I found it funny to see him looking for me. We hugged upon meeting and commenced into a wonderful conversation for the duration of my layover. We spoke about so many things and we mutually announced this was our first Blogger Meet Up. The person I'm referring to is Xavier Pierre of the Lovers Anonymous fame. I'd post a link, but his page is private. I will; however; post an excerpt of his post as it was one of the sweetest things someone has probably ever said about me.

"When my cell-phone went off I was already inside the terminal. Sure enough it was Blu Jewel telling me that she was off the plane and on the concourse near gate H9. I stepped out of the elevator and took 4 steps then heard the voice from over my right shoulder. “Looking for me?” When I turned, I was greeted by a smile of uncommon brightness, immediately familiar even when seen for the first time. We hugged each other warmly and immediately started to talk like two old friends who’ve known each other for years.From reading Blu Jewel and the phone conversations we’ve had, I pretty much knew what to expect and she didn’t disappoint. Understated British sophistication mixed with disarming Jamaican charm is a fascinating combination, but wrap it up in the personality of Blu Jewel and I can just picture a resolute African king on an unyielding mission to find his missing rib.Blu and I talked about everything from relationship pitfalls to parenthood. Of course no conversation with Xavier is complete if Ali’s name isn’t mentioned and Blu was quite indulgent and generous in her attention. But it was never one-sided. I found Blu to be a very open person with a generous heart and a growing commitment to helping others. As she shared I found myself wanting to reassure that special someone that his nomadic journey will be well worth it if his wanderings lead to Blu Jewel.But all too soon it was time to go. Blu’s connecting flight was boarding and I had gone way past my lunch hour. But the 45 minutes we spent chatting in terminal 4 of FLL airport will always be fondly remembered. Godspeed Blu! Be safe until we meet again."

*Sniff* @ the italicized remark he made. How sweet is that?!

I can't forget another blogger with whom I'm anxiously waiting to meet and whom I txt from time to time for no reason, but to make her laugh bz. And last, but certainly not least there's Terry whom is one of the nicest (though he thinks he's mean, a jerk, and sometimes an asshole...ALL his words) people you could want to know. He's been a great source of encouragement for my writing; a wealth of information regarding Unholywood (his word), writing in general, business, and life.

The four of you have proved that NOT all online connections are bad and that friendships can be formed from a distance. Thank you all for poppin some cherries in my life. *smile*

Now don't go getting your knickers in a twist here. I'm certainly NOT leaving out all of you whom swing by to read my rantings, share your thoughts, and support me. I'd love to have one huge blogger meet up where we could all meet and get to know more about each other in person instead of behind a monitor.