23 January 2008

Friends & Friendship

I was reading
Terry's post on the friendship subject and it inspired this post.

I've been toying with this post for some time as it can be an emotionally charged topic, but you know I'm not one for shying away fro controversy, so I went ahead with it. Naturally, I can't and won't name names or even some specific details, but I will give my honest take on the subject anyway.

For the most part we all know who our friends are and what their respective role in our lives is, but I'm sure there have been times when you've questioned, "is this person really my friend?"

In a day and age where MySpace is being used as the driving and dictating force of who and how many friends we have. Now, let's stop being silly here. We do not have 336 friends; we have 336 people we're using as trophies to make ourselves seem popular. Some people use MySpace as a networking tool, so it's obvious that many of the people posted as "friends" are really business related associates. Some people are actually family members, and there are in fact some real friends too. However, the vast majority of the 336 "friends" aren't friends. I think it's pretty sad that people will attach themselves to virtual strangers and not go into the live world and make contact. Yes, I believe that some real friendships have been formed through MySpace, but on average, that's not the case.

Real human contact is what this society is lacking and it's pretty sad. It seems we'd rather interact with people at some distance and call them friends, than actually go out and be a part of the world around us. Yes, I have a MySpace and on average I spend less than 1 hour a week on it. I primarily use it to keep in touch with my family whom represent mostly everyone who's visible as "top friends" and also to keep contact with my business partners. There are a few special people who I reach out to via MySpace, but call me out school, but I'd rather call, send an email, or use snail mail to keep in touch. Now, I'm not knocking those who use MySpace, but let's simply be and keep it real on the whole friendship aspect of it.

Moving on...

I, for the most part am a very good friend. I'm pretty much ride or die with those who count and even if we're more like acquaintances, I'll still do whatever I can for you. This has served to my detriment at times because some have taken advantage of my kindness, but I'm still a good person who'll do for you anyway. I've done my share of shitty things to one friend in particular, but honestly and truly, it was never done out of malice; instead out of frustration because I could not get through to said person and I needed to vent to someone who'd understand. I'm not a callous or malicious person by nature and this person knows that about me. To her, my actions were seen as betrayal and to some degree inexcusable and she has a right to feel that way. We could play plaintiff/defendant, but the bottom line is, I am not a horrible person and still have extremely redeeming qualities. We are still friends, though there is some underlying malaise that exists between us. That aside, I'm still a good person and one who''ll own up to her shortcomings.

Now, I've been treated unfairly by some so-called friends and I've dealt with the situations and them accordingly. We've either reconciled, reduced the status of our friendship, or we've parted ways. I do not need to clutter my life with quantity if there is no quality. I am not one who needs to have a lot of attention or be at the center of attention. If I enjoy your company, your friendship, and we have the necessary mutuality to maintain a good rapport, that's what's important to/for me. I'm one who can easily be left to her own devices and not feel alone. I'd rather not stand in the middle of everyone yet be surrounded by no one.

Friends and friendship is a touchy subject and it can be both a good and bad relationship shared with others. For those I truly know are my friends; they know it and know who/what I am and what I'd do for them. For those who have to question my friendship; should in fact question themselves because if I'm willing to honor and sacrifice for who we are and what we have, how come they can't. This goes out to one person in particular, but he doesn't read my blogs anymore, so he'll never get this, which is a shame cause he really needs to know. Oh well, bottom line it was his loss.

Anyhoo, I'm happy with those who I currently have in my life and embrace their presence as a gift. None is like the other and what we share is special and sacred between us. Naturally, some of those bonds are closer than others, but all in all I know what we have is of merit. There are a few newcomers (you know who you are) to my friendship circle and I'm enjoying getting to know them better and building on what I hope will be of great benefit to each of us.

Take inventory on who you call friend. Don't let history, circumstance, or whatever congest space in your life where someone of real benefit should be. Be a true friend to whomever is in your circle and ask for the same in return. Favor quality over quantity and rely on human contact to bond you and not virtual contact.



Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

so am i missing out , i mean if i dont have myspace that means i dont have any friends...but u right abou one thing, its a bond that i cant put it words, my folk will die for me

eclectik said...

J, E and Grandmaster Dee said it best...but I love this post just the same

You are the illest.


Wendy said...

"Take inventory on who you call friend. Don't let history, circumstance, or whatever congest space in your life where someone of real benefit should be".

I took me a while to learn these very words. Simply because I was under the impression if I were a real friend to them they would be to me. As I learned to love me more, care about my feeling more. I learned to let them go.

Mizrepresent said...

So true Blu, friends come and go. I have had friends for over 20 years, and we may only talk once a year, but i know they are my friend. In the blog world i have had the chance to meet (online and offline) folks i consider to be my lifelong friends, or hope to be. I am a open person and share very easily, so if i feel we are vibing then i invite you into my world. I know not all are friends, but i don't have to become Inspector Gadget to find their faults, sooner or later, they reveal themselves and i am not changed by the revealing...i am still the same.

Mr.Slish said...

My friends are a pain in the ass..I tried to get rid of most of them, but they keep coming back and telling me all their business even when i don't feel like listening.I'm the go to dude in my peer group and HATE IT!...lol

Blu Jewel said...

torrance - you're so not missing out on not having a MySpace. I'd stick to having ride or die folk anyday.

eclectik - thanks for the compliment man.

Wendy - sounds like you had a lesson in quality vs. quantity and passed with a A. Good for you. I'm sure you're like is more enriched for it.

Miz - Sounds like you've already had your lessons on being a friend and friendships. Loved your Inspector Gadget analogy. The irony is that if we had that ability we would take away from the lesson we needed to learn from that person.

Slish - even though it's a PITA, take it as a compliment because it speaks volumes to your character and the kind of person you are.

Don said...

I do not need to clutter my life with quantity if there is no quality

Wise words being spoken.

I think the chance of an emotional connect is always there with these blogs and in some instances, it's surreal, but I have found how the only difference between human contact and virtual contact is that the latter allows you to "control" the situation, moreso than the former.

If someone lost out on the oppurtunity to have a good friend, then you are correct; it's their lost.

Rosemarie said...

I've had an unfortunate experience with "fake" friends, and it has been a rough road to get here. Nevertheless, I'm thankful for realizing that the quality of a friendship is more beneficial than the quantity of friends I have in this lifetime.

BlaqRayne said...

Amen to this, I can truly relate.

Natural Mystic said...

I agree with this completely. I think I've held on to friendships because of the history and not because the relationships were strong or something that I needed to survive. It's also hard when those people are ex's and they made sure that in the beginning if all else failed to make a promise to remain friends, I know I shouldn't have promised that and realized that with our strong personalities that it would never really work out that way and there would always be drama...but I wanted to make the transition easy and to feel less of a loss, even if those relationships had died a few weeks after they'd begun... I've been one to try to always be stick to my word...mean what I say and say what I mean...

I'll just have to be more conscious of the people I call friends.

Thanks for the invite. Loved the entry.