It’s always been a dream of mine to help women of any age over come the effects of abuse in any form. As one who’s overcome sexual, emotional, and physical abuse, I feel strongly that I am a testament to others that they, too, can overcome those things in their lives.
Back in January, I spoke with a neighbor who’s setting up a Women’s Ministry that will help women in various stages of abuse get help and I told her I want to participate. To date, I haven’t been a part of her ministry, but know that I will.
This past Sunday, I was invited to attend a church service which was devoted to Women’s Ministry and I was blessed to receive an amazing sermon delivered by my friend and mentor. I was almost moved tears as she so eloquently and powerfully delivered The Word. After the service, I waited to speak with her while she spoke with a young lady who was apparently going through some things. Now, I’m not one to just start speaking to people I don’t know; much less “minister” to them, but the Lord moved me to speak with her and boy was I blessed with some words of comfort, support, and inspiration to this young lady. The words just flowed like water from my mouth and I could see that she was receiving them in spite of her circumstance. Her mother listened in and thanked me for speaking with her daughter. Two other women heard me speaking and they asked how they too could begin the healing process in their lives. I spoke to them with limited information as to their respective issues and each woman thanked me for my words of direction, inspiration, and support.
As I sat with my friend after the service as we waited for lunch, the Pastor’s wife began speaking to me and said that I have a good spirit and thanked me for speaking with the women. I told her, it was my pleasure and all I wanted to do was show them that they could overcome their circumstances if they believed in themselves and began their healing process with forgiveness of themselves. After about an hour of conversation with my elders, I left for home nourished and fulfilled with the word of the Lord and the joy of knowing that I made a difference; even a small one.
Come Monday, my friend informed me that the women of her church were more than impressed with me and would like me to come back to the church and do a workshop or some other form of instruction for women. Naturally, I was stunned, but ever so grateful for having been in the right place at the right time. I told my friend, I would do whatever they asked of me as I would be doing the Lords work and also fulfilling a dream I’ve had for a long time. She also told me that the young lady's countenance was completely changed after my speaking to her and she even mentioned it during her welcoming speech for the afternoon service. My last visual of the young lady was a sad face, with tear stained eyes, but to hear that she was smiling and exuding positive and good energy that brought amazing joy to my heart.
We live in a world where love often takes a back seat to the hurt, pain, suffering, etc., which occurs all too frequently. I know from personal experience the damage this infliction can do to a person’s spirit and if I can touch even just one life, I know that the purpose of my suffering was not for naught. Everything we go through is a learning lesson good or bad and while what I endured was particularly painful and damaging, I made it through to the other side and it’s made me the woman I am today; a woman I love and celebrate.
As I perused my bookshelf last night, I found many a book that I can and will use to create a lesson plan for a workshop I will hold. I know it’s His will that I do this and look forward to the many tears and joys that will come of this sharing. We all have a gift that we can give or share to another and I hope that each and everyone of us takes the time to find it (if you haven’t already) and use it purposefully.
I wish I could remember where I found this quote, but it speaks to the direction in which we need to live our lives: “My purpose shall stand, and I will fulfill my intention”.
Have a truly; truly blessed day y’all.
Love to live; live to love!
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
17 March 2009
17 April 2008
Quotes for overcoming...
As this is Sexual Abuse Awareness Month, these quotes are and can be instrumental is helping anyone overcome the abuse they've suffered. In addition, they're empowering for each of use for whatever trials we've been through or are currently struggling with. The time for improvement, for taking a stand, or for just wanting the best for your life is right NOW!
The past is over and done and has no power over me. I can begin to be free in this moment. Today's thoughts create my future. I am in charge. I now take my own power back. I am safe and I am free. – Louise L. Hay *my fave*
Fearlessness may be a gift but perhaps more precious is the courage acquired through endeavor, courage that comes from cultivating the habit of refusing to let fear dictate one's actions. – Aung san Suu Kyi
Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion. – Buddha
Life is demanding of me, start again. Begin new things. Again set to work to build your world. – Jean Toomer
The past is over and done and has no power over me. I can begin to be free in this moment. Today's thoughts create my future. I am in charge. I now take my own power back. I am safe and I am free. – Louise L. Hay *my fave*
Fearlessness may be a gift but perhaps more precious is the courage acquired through endeavor, courage that comes from cultivating the habit of refusing to let fear dictate one's actions. – Aung san Suu Kyi
Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion. – Buddha
Life is demanding of me, start again. Begin new things. Again set to work to build your world. – Jean Toomer
09 April 2008
And I wonder Part 2
I look at lil lady who'll be 16 on Friday and wonder what I'd do if someone violated her in any way. As one who's been on the down side of that issue, I know my gut instinct would be to shoot first; ask questions later. Naturally, that wouldn't serve either my daughter of myself well seeing as I'd end up indicted because I wouldn't be able to conjure up Johnny Cochran (RIP) to get me off.
Since lil lady was 18 months old, I began teaching her about "good touch' bad touch" because she was enterting pre-school and I wanted her to know that people couldn't just touch her any old kind of way. I told her that neither an adult nor a child could touch her under her clothes, between her legs, or in any way that made her uncomfortable. Fortunately, lil lady was quite a talker at an early age and seemed to comprehend what I was saying and was vocal (in her own way) in asking about what I meant. I checked her over daily and asked if anyone had touched her when she went to the bathroom. Thank goodness there were no negative reports, but it never gave me room for pause because I know how quickly and easily these things can occur.
As she aged, I continued to educate her about "good touch; bad touch" and reinforced how important it was to tell me or another adult she trusted if someone did anything to her. I also reinforced to her that she could talk to me about anything no matter what it was because I would be there to support her through everything. Again, I was and continue to be fortunate that nothing bad has happened to her and I pray that it never will. I feel good as a parent that I take the time to talk to my daughter about not letting anyone do anything to her or be in a position where she could be violated or compromised in any way. As a survivor, I speak from first hand knowledge to lil lady so I don't sound text book, so she can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'll be there in everyway, and that I'll always advocate her safety and well being. I refuse to be that parent who doesn't speak about sexual crimes to their daughter or son for that matter. I refuse to think that it couldn't happen to mine. I also refuse to accept that she should remain silent God-forbid something happened to her. We've discussed the importance of speaking up, coming forward, and enlisting the law if necessary. Forget embarassment and such; sexual assault is a CRIME!
I wasn't fortunate to receive all the warnings, advice, and information that I provide lil lady. I also didn't have the confidence in telling anyone what happened to me until much later in my life. I was blessed to receive strong pastoral guidance, the care of two great counselors, and a few compassionate friends to aid in my recovery and survivorship. I'm in a wonderful place in my life and have put that past very far behind me. It's my goal to help anyone male or female through the recovery process of sexual abuse. It's a heinous and ugly crime that is inflicted far too often.
Whether we realize it or not, we all know someone who's been a victim of a sexual crime. Sexual crimes are not crimes of violence; though the act itself can be; it's a crime of deviance and control. We must not allow this to continue. I ask that each of you get in touch with a resource center and see what you can do to help those affected by sexual crimes. We react to the raping of children in other countries with disgust and passion, yet fail to react when it happens in our homes or communities. Though it's a global epidemic, we must take care of home first. We need to rebuild our communities and prevent this dysfunction and the silence from continuing. We must attention to the behavior patterns of our children. We must stop using sex as a tool or a weapon of mass desrtuction. We have to encourage open dialog on this topic and stop shying away from it. That uncle whom we know it a little "off" so we stay away from him must be confronted if his behavior is that questionable. We can NOT ignore the signs that are often very much obvious.
I'm not embarassed to air my past because I feel that by doing so I'm letting it go and also helping someone else work toward their own healing and recovery.
Love!
Since lil lady was 18 months old, I began teaching her about "good touch' bad touch" because she was enterting pre-school and I wanted her to know that people couldn't just touch her any old kind of way. I told her that neither an adult nor a child could touch her under her clothes, between her legs, or in any way that made her uncomfortable. Fortunately, lil lady was quite a talker at an early age and seemed to comprehend what I was saying and was vocal (in her own way) in asking about what I meant. I checked her over daily and asked if anyone had touched her when she went to the bathroom. Thank goodness there were no negative reports, but it never gave me room for pause because I know how quickly and easily these things can occur.
As she aged, I continued to educate her about "good touch; bad touch" and reinforced how important it was to tell me or another adult she trusted if someone did anything to her. I also reinforced to her that she could talk to me about anything no matter what it was because I would be there to support her through everything. Again, I was and continue to be fortunate that nothing bad has happened to her and I pray that it never will. I feel good as a parent that I take the time to talk to my daughter about not letting anyone do anything to her or be in a position where she could be violated or compromised in any way. As a survivor, I speak from first hand knowledge to lil lady so I don't sound text book, so she can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'll be there in everyway, and that I'll always advocate her safety and well being. I refuse to be that parent who doesn't speak about sexual crimes to their daughter or son for that matter. I refuse to think that it couldn't happen to mine. I also refuse to accept that she should remain silent God-forbid something happened to her. We've discussed the importance of speaking up, coming forward, and enlisting the law if necessary. Forget embarassment and such; sexual assault is a CRIME!
I wasn't fortunate to receive all the warnings, advice, and information that I provide lil lady. I also didn't have the confidence in telling anyone what happened to me until much later in my life. I was blessed to receive strong pastoral guidance, the care of two great counselors, and a few compassionate friends to aid in my recovery and survivorship. I'm in a wonderful place in my life and have put that past very far behind me. It's my goal to help anyone male or female through the recovery process of sexual abuse. It's a heinous and ugly crime that is inflicted far too often.
Whether we realize it or not, we all know someone who's been a victim of a sexual crime. Sexual crimes are not crimes of violence; though the act itself can be; it's a crime of deviance and control. We must not allow this to continue. I ask that each of you get in touch with a resource center and see what you can do to help those affected by sexual crimes. We react to the raping of children in other countries with disgust and passion, yet fail to react when it happens in our homes or communities. Though it's a global epidemic, we must take care of home first. We need to rebuild our communities and prevent this dysfunction and the silence from continuing. We must attention to the behavior patterns of our children. We must stop using sex as a tool or a weapon of mass desrtuction. We have to encourage open dialog on this topic and stop shying away from it. That uncle whom we know it a little "off" so we stay away from him must be confronted if his behavior is that questionable. We can NOT ignore the signs that are often very much obvious.
I'm not embarassed to air my past because I feel that by doing so I'm letting it go and also helping someone else work toward their own healing and recovery.
Love!
08 January 2007
The Upside of Anger
Have you ever been pissed off or angry and not really known why? You scour your mind trying to recall who you’ve been in contact with, what you’ve eaten; read; or even watched on TV. Out of the plethora of things that could have pissed you off or made you angry, you still can’t seem to come up with that one thing that really has you twisted. That in itself makes you even more pissed off/angry. So, you sit in quiet reflection and then the proverbial lightening bolt hits you; you’re mad at yourself. You’re mad because there was something you should have done/said that you haven’t. You’re made because the much-needed item that was on sale is not in stock. You’re mad because someone let you down; hurt your feelings; lied; etc., but moreso because you know you had a role in it happening. You’re mad because you made excuses for whatever could have, should have, or would have occurred or not had you not allowed it. I think that’s the worst anger of all.
One of the many things I’ve chosen to correct in myself during this quarter is to not allow myself to succumb to this level of anger. There will be times where protocol dictates my restraint, but I will find a way to express my discord. There are many that say you shouldn’t do this or that because you might make a bad situation worse, or hurt someone’s feelings; what about my feelings? What about the lack of regard that person had toward me? Am I supposed to just suck it up and take it? Hmm? On a limited scale I’d say yes; however, overall my feelings count too. I am accountable for what I allow to happen, but there are situations beyond my control and it’s those that I will no longer allow the anger to consume me. I will diffuse what I’m able instead of imploding or exploding. I will embrace my anger instead of dismissing it because my embracing it allows me to heal adequately. Thus being the upside of anger. I will accept that my feelings are normal and healthy. The anger is very much a part of what makes me human and it should not be discarded. That would be like me being happy, but slapping someone instead of hugging them.
I think about some people I know who act out because they can’t or won’t display their real feelings or emotions. These people will hurt you, say mean things to you, and treat you inexcusably because they are afraid or unwilling to embrace their authentic being. This kind of behavior promotes the concept that misery likes company and I’m sorry, I ain’t that kinda gal. I like peace and contentment and while I know it’s not always a viable option, I’ll be damned if I allow another’s negativity to cause me harm or internal dysfunction. I, my friends have been gravely affected by said people and I refuse to allow it anymore.
Being angry is normal, allowable, and understandable at times. What it’s not is a weapon one uses to inflict harm to another or themselves because they’ve chosen no viable alternatives. In a world that is hell bent on the promotion of negativity, let’s look at the man/woman in the mirror and start to make a change. Yes, the Michael Jackson song, Man In The Mirror is playing in my head; and you have to admit, it’s pertinent.
Live; love; laugh; and learn.
One of the many things I’ve chosen to correct in myself during this quarter is to not allow myself to succumb to this level of anger. There will be times where protocol dictates my restraint, but I will find a way to express my discord. There are many that say you shouldn’t do this or that because you might make a bad situation worse, or hurt someone’s feelings; what about my feelings? What about the lack of regard that person had toward me? Am I supposed to just suck it up and take it? Hmm? On a limited scale I’d say yes; however, overall my feelings count too. I am accountable for what I allow to happen, but there are situations beyond my control and it’s those that I will no longer allow the anger to consume me. I will diffuse what I’m able instead of imploding or exploding. I will embrace my anger instead of dismissing it because my embracing it allows me to heal adequately. Thus being the upside of anger. I will accept that my feelings are normal and healthy. The anger is very much a part of what makes me human and it should not be discarded. That would be like me being happy, but slapping someone instead of hugging them.
I think about some people I know who act out because they can’t or won’t display their real feelings or emotions. These people will hurt you, say mean things to you, and treat you inexcusably because they are afraid or unwilling to embrace their authentic being. This kind of behavior promotes the concept that misery likes company and I’m sorry, I ain’t that kinda gal. I like peace and contentment and while I know it’s not always a viable option, I’ll be damned if I allow another’s negativity to cause me harm or internal dysfunction. I, my friends have been gravely affected by said people and I refuse to allow it anymore.
Being angry is normal, allowable, and understandable at times. What it’s not is a weapon one uses to inflict harm to another or themselves because they’ve chosen no viable alternatives. In a world that is hell bent on the promotion of negativity, let’s look at the man/woman in the mirror and start to make a change. Yes, the Michael Jackson song, Man In The Mirror is playing in my head; and you have to admit, it’s pertinent.
Live; love; laugh; and learn.
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