Have you ever been pissed off or angry and not really known why? You scour your mind trying to recall who you’ve been in contact with, what you’ve eaten; read; or even watched on TV. Out of the plethora of things that could have pissed you off or made you angry, you still can’t seem to come up with that one thing that really has you twisted. That in itself makes you even more pissed off/angry. So, you sit in quiet reflection and then the proverbial lightening bolt hits you; you’re mad at yourself. You’re mad because there was something you should have done/said that you haven’t. You’re made because the much-needed item that was on sale is not in stock. You’re mad because someone let you down; hurt your feelings; lied; etc., but moreso because you know you had a role in it happening. You’re mad because you made excuses for whatever could have, should have, or would have occurred or not had you not allowed it. I think that’s the worst anger of all.
One of the many things I’ve chosen to correct in myself during this quarter is to not allow myself to succumb to this level of anger. There will be times where protocol dictates my restraint, but I will find a way to express my discord. There are many that say you shouldn’t do this or that because you might make a bad situation worse, or hurt someone’s feelings; what about my feelings? What about the lack of regard that person had toward me? Am I supposed to just suck it up and take it? Hmm? On a limited scale I’d say yes; however, overall my feelings count too. I am accountable for what I allow to happen, but there are situations beyond my control and it’s those that I will no longer allow the anger to consume me. I will diffuse what I’m able instead of imploding or exploding. I will embrace my anger instead of dismissing it because my embracing it allows me to heal adequately. Thus being the upside of anger. I will accept that my feelings are normal and healthy. The anger is very much a part of what makes me human and it should not be discarded. That would be like me being happy, but slapping someone instead of hugging them.
I think about some people I know who act out because they can’t or won’t display their real feelings or emotions. These people will hurt you, say mean things to you, and treat you inexcusably because they are afraid or unwilling to embrace their authentic being. This kind of behavior promotes the concept that misery likes company and I’m sorry, I ain’t that kinda gal. I like peace and contentment and while I know it’s not always a viable option, I’ll be damned if I allow another’s negativity to cause me harm or internal dysfunction. I, my friends have been gravely affected by said people and I refuse to allow it anymore.
Being angry is normal, allowable, and understandable at times. What it’s not is a weapon one uses to inflict harm to another or themselves because they’ve chosen no viable alternatives. In a world that is hell bent on the promotion of negativity, let’s look at the man/woman in the mirror and start to make a change. Yes, the Michael Jackson song, Man In The Mirror is playing in my head; and you have to admit, it’s pertinent.
Live; love; laugh; and learn.