08 January 2007

The Upside of Anger

Have you ever been pissed off or angry and not really known why? You scour your mind trying to recall who you’ve been in contact with, what you’ve eaten; read; or even watched on TV. Out of the plethora of things that could have pissed you off or made you angry, you still can’t seem to come up with that one thing that really has you twisted. That in itself makes you even more pissed off/angry. So, you sit in quiet reflection and then the proverbial lightening bolt hits you; you’re mad at yourself. You’re mad because there was something you should have done/said that you haven’t. You’re made because the much-needed item that was on sale is not in stock. You’re mad because someone let you down; hurt your feelings; lied; etc., but moreso because you know you had a role in it happening. You’re mad because you made excuses for whatever could have, should have, or would have occurred or not had you not allowed it. I think that’s the worst anger of all.

One of the many things I’ve chosen to correct in myself during this quarter is to not allow myself to succumb to this level of anger. There will be times where protocol dictates my restraint, but I will find a way to express my discord. There are many that say you shouldn’t do this or that because you might make a bad situation worse, or hurt someone’s feelings; what about my feelings? What about the lack of regard that person had toward me? Am I supposed to just suck it up and take it? Hmm? On a limited scale I’d say yes; however, overall my feelings count too. I am accountable for what I allow to happen, but there are situations beyond my control and it’s those that I will no longer allow the anger to consume me. I will diffuse what I’m able instead of imploding or exploding. I will embrace my anger instead of dismissing it because my embracing it allows me to heal adequately. Thus being the upside of anger. I will accept that my feelings are normal and healthy. The anger is very much a part of what makes me human and it should not be discarded. That would be like me being happy, but slapping someone instead of hugging them.

I think about some people I know who act out because they can’t or won’t display their real feelings or emotions. These people will hurt you, say mean things to you, and treat you inexcusably because they are afraid or unwilling to embrace their authentic being. This kind of behavior promotes the concept that misery likes company and I’m sorry, I ain’t that kinda gal. I like peace and contentment and while I know it’s not always a viable option, I’ll be damned if I allow another’s negativity to cause me harm or internal dysfunction. I, my friends have been gravely affected by said people and I refuse to allow it anymore.

Being angry is normal, allowable, and understandable at times. What it’s not is a weapon one uses to inflict harm to another or themselves because they’ve chosen no viable alternatives. In a world that is hell bent on the promotion of negativity, let’s look at the man/woman in the mirror and start to make a change. Yes, the Michael Jackson song, Man In The Mirror is playing in my head; and you have to admit, it’s pertinent.

Live; love; laugh; and learn.


BZ said...

Great post! I love that movie by the way. And "In a world that is hell bent on the promotion of negativity, let’s look at the man/woman in the mirror and start to make a change." Amen to that!

"Everyone thinks of changing the world; but no one thinks of changing himself." Tolstoy

Nique said...

Oh love i have to come back and read and post on this just know hat i came to see you

Terry said...

Ahhhh an oasis of "sense" in the never ending desert that is the Blogworld.

Man, I gotta tell ya, Blu sure does make ya think about stuff dosen't she?

Another great post!

T.C. said...

Totally feeling this post...in so many ways....it is what it is I always say...do you, feel how you want to feel, but that has nothing to do with me...most impossible/angry people, think its everyone else around them...and that ain't it...we DO all need to look at the man/woman in the mirror and make that change if need be...

Blu Jewel said...

bz - i "stole" the title of this post from that movie. i love that quote. thanks for posting it.

nique - thanks hun

terry - thanks for the comp. i learn each day and try to share a little knowledge. you're a great teacher too!

t.c - without looking at our own contributions to situations, it's always easy to blame something or someone else.

Susan Abraham said...

It's an awful feeling isn't it, Blu.
Being treated by someone unkindly & not knowing why.
But if I care about them, I love them anyway though it's hard.
And for those where I may have seen something unpleasant, it's wisdom for the the future.

Susan Abraham said...

As for me, it's harder to get angry but when it happens in a major way, I'll probably let it ride awhile, become very quiet while I think about it. If a situation or someone who made me angry - and that situation - cannot be repaired, then I normally cut that part of my life out and channel my energies positively in a new way. My policy is that even while I look back, I try to keep my eyes on the road ahead.
I used to be quick tempered but am less rash now with my remarks.

Rosemarie said...

Perfect post!

I was very angry a few months ago after a particular situation. And, in spite of my anger reaching new heights I realized that lashing out or revenge was certainly not the "high road."

In the end, I'm so thankful that my inner voice was loud enough to keep me on course.

Anger is a tool to destroy, even in the hands of good, kind, and compassionate people.

PS I agree with Susan in cutting out people that bring harm and hurt to your life.

chele said...

Anger is something I've struggled with for a long time. I was angry for so long that I just adopted that feeling as part of my personality. I'm learning to let it go and it actually feels good.

Hawa said...

With all that truth spilling over the pages... one point really struck home with me:

Anger with myself has been the most difficult to overcome and the most destructive (e.g. failed marriage, etc.) I am coming out of the other side of that struggle, and seeing life with a whole different set of eyes.

Thanks again for another great post.

Blu Jewel said...

Su - we can never be able to control someone's ill feelings toward us, but we can limit their presence/influence in our lives. anger within or toward ourselves must be dealt with in order to have adequate room for positivity.

rosemarie - welcome to my "home". lashing out causes more harm than good, so it's always good when we can do something about the cause of anger. and i love your statement that anger is a tool to destroy even in the hands of kind people. great thought!

chele - you're doing a good thing by choosing not to let anger get the best of you anymore. i'm sure your health and general state of being is or will be improved

hawa - internal anger is often the hardest to accept, but it's important that it be addressed and worked through. without coming to terms with root causes will always leave room for compression which later manifests in volitile ways. i'm happy that you're working through to the other side.

blaqrayne said...

Amen to that.