31 August 2006

Childless and Loving It

While I'm not childless, I do support those who choose to be. Why? Better question, why not? For those who have made a conscious decision not to bring children into the world is not only their right, but shows they have nothing to prove to others by conforming to the standards and opinions of others.

In a recent Newsweek article I read in detail about childless couples and adults. I applauded their decisions for being mature enough to know what is acceptable for them and thier lives. As I said, I'm not childless, but had I not chosen to become a parent, I don't think I would have had anything to prove by becoming one. If someone knows they're not financially, emotionally, socially, or otherwise able to raise and be responsible for a child, why have one? The religious sector would obviously disagree with this kind of thinking because it's contrary to Biblical (or other religious manifests) teachings. Yes, the world must go on and races of people preserved, but at what expense? Why sit in judgement of the childless and not judge those who have multiple children; some of which they can not take care of, locate the father, or any number of other absurdities.

With the alarming rate of inflation, economic cutbacks, poor healthcare, (the list is long), why not reduce the birthrate? I know a guy who has known since his mid 20s that he didn't want children and said that he would have a vasectomy to ensure he didn't "accidentally" get a woman pregnant. Is he selfish or sensible? Rhetorical really seeing as there will be so many that argue his stand. The same question can be applied to women and yeild the same outlook. Personally, I think neither has a thing to prove. Having a child doesn't define you as a man or woman. Having a child doesn't give you a one up on someone else, nor does it make or break you. It's a personal choice that shouldn't have to be explained.

Having an only child resorts said parent to unlimited barrages into his/her reasoning, which too is equally insulting and offensive. Why does that person even have to justify that? They don't! There is no rule that says one has to become a parent, but there should be a rule that says, if you do, you better know how to take care of it.

I spoken my peace!

11 comments:

The Mistress said...

I love you for this post! Thank you for being supportive of women who are mature enough and possess enough self-awareness to be childfree!

In general, as a childfree person (I like childfree better than childless because it doesn't imply we're "lacking" something)I get the most harsh criticism from MOTHERS.

The fact that someone isn't choosing the life they've chosen, makes some of them angry and very bitter. I've been called "selfish" more times than I can name.

You tell me...what's more selfish...having a child for the following reasons: you want a little clone of yourself to show off, you want someone around to take care of you when you get old, you're lonely, you want "unconditional love" from someone, you're needy and require someone to be dependent on you OR making the choice to NOT have kids because you don't feel you're cut out for parenthood? Sorry but a lot of the reasons people have kids are selfish reasons. Fuck them for questioning my choice and calling ME selfish.

But you know what? I've found that many of these angry bitter mothers who bash my choices are miserable in the parenthood game. And you know what they say "Misery loves company". They’ve sacrificed a lot, they’ve been in countless unhappy parenting situations with no end in sight, they spend tons of money on kids who are probably not the least bit gracious or thankful, their lives change dramatically, they lose a great deal of their freedom, and they can never be a singular person whose needs come first ever again... and they feel as if no one should be able to evade the hell they’ve been through. They are truly appalled that I am choosing not to experience some of the things they’ve been forced to endure by being parents. It's infuriating. I just wanna say to them "You made your choice, no one is questioning you so please have the same respect for me".

Sorry for hijacking the comments. LMAO...I had to get this out.

BlaqRayne said...

I agree with you and the mistress. I am "childfree" and I don't feel any voids. I do love children and play a significant role in the lives of quite a few, but I have no interest in being a mother. Some may call me selfish because my primary reasons are that I have a lot that I want to accomplish in my lifetime and I enjoy and need my freedom. My next reason is that I am a worrier to a fault. I don't know how parents cope in the world today. Children aren't safe at school, with a sitter, at a sleepover or even playing in the backyard.

Overall, I love children, but being a parent is not for me. I have more reasons, but based on the two that I've shared, I think my decision is responsible. Why bring a child into the world and risk subconsiously resenting or neglecting the child or sheltering the child? That could yield emotional abuse and potentially another dysfunctional person in the world.

My mother had me a little early. Trust me, I know she loves me to death. She's accomplished a lot in life, but sometimes I feel bad that she didn't get to do things the way that she planned. I'm almost 30 and I've felt that way since I've understood life.

So knowing how bad I feel about something that I had no control over, I definitely know that I don't want to be a parent.

Hats off to those who choose to responsibly be fruitful, but it's just not for everyone.

BlaqRayne said...

Don't mean to blaze up your spot, but I have another "why" that corresponds to this topic.

I don't know how it goes down in other states, but why is it that, where we live and maybe other places, a married woman needs her husband's permission to take precautions such as a tubular and women in general go through drama to get birth control, but it's as easy as pie for a man to get Viagra despite his marital status?

I know we've spoken about this before and you share this view, but I had to let it out. ARRRGGGGHHH!

Seabrook Slimm said...

Childfree? I like that. I'll adopt that for myself. As a brother who has yet to create any progeny, I'm glad that Mistress put it in terms for myself. I agree with both her and Blaqrayne as I've always felt that it doesn't prove or disprove anything. At 33,
I've met several women who initially didn't believe that I didn't have any kids running around somewhere, and actually, I'm
quite proud of that.

In a city with so many young sisters pushing and carrying babies, it's difficult to determine whether the child is hers, or her mother's. If so, what mother would allow a 12-13 carry a 6 month-old to the
convenient store? Life's all about choices.

Much love to all the responsible, conscious, parents who are raising the next generation. Much respect to those who are doing what they
are supposed to do.

Slimm

urban butterfly said...

I agree with you 100%.

If I'm not in the position to bring a child in this world, then I won't, only for the sake of the child. But...I want me some kids!! lol. So I'm going to make sure my life is together before bringing children into it.

Good stuff!

Atyllah said...

I am with you, the mistress and blaqrayne 100% - and I really like the term "childfree". Mistress, I know just what you mean, I get the same dumb-assed responses and I can't help but think, hmm, do I detect some "jealousy" here. And I'm always amused when they try to sell motherhood to me. If it's so great, you don't need to sell it.
As far as I'm concerned, the world is not such a great place, so why would I want to suffer a child of mine to endure that. Besides, the planet is already overloaded and I choose not to add to the burden.
I love kids (I write for them) I just don't want to have any of my own.

Susan Abraham said...

It's like other contemporary choices that stand for the self. And that being the courage to beat predictability and expectation.

ustillcallmebaby said...

I just stumbled across your blog and I must say this is right on time. Being 29, I have been feeling the pressure from my parent (mom) for four years to spawn a little me. I love kids, I do, but the thought of bringing another life into mine when I can barely take care of myself is scary. I made that decision to NOT get pregnant long long ago and I am enjoying every minute of being that "selfish" person without kids. Now if I can only find a man that feels the same way. LOL Thanks for this!

ncnaynay said...

I agree. Why do I constantly get asked, "How many kids do you have?" NONE! I've gotten rather accustomed to going where I want when I want, and I'm a little to selfish right now to give that up. Besides, I've got to live a little, go through some things, so that I actually have something to TEACH any children I may have.

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Anonymous said...

Childfree and loving it ! Could not agree more. My and my wife are early 40's and have never had kids and never will. We both never wanted kids. There are really no "solid" reasons to have kids. All that pro-creation stuff is not a reason, and kids taking care of you when your old? That's never a garantee and one poor reason to be a servant to kids for 18+years with total loss of freedom and independence for most of your life. yuk. Also kids stay at home now well into thier 20's! How about that ! I truly believe that 80% of people who have kids later regret it. most will never admit to it but it's true.. true true.