06 December 2006

New words for Corporare America

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)

BLAMESTORMING – Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER – A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS – The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY – The experience of spending an entire day swimming up stream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM – An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING – When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

MOUSE POTATO – The online, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs – Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY – A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

SWIPEOUT – An ATM of credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

XEROX SUBSIDY – Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.

IRRITAINMENT – Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE – The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE – The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404 – Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web Error Message “404 Not Found”, meaning that the requested site could not be located.

GENERICA – Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

OHNOSECOND – That miniscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake).

WOOFS – Well-Off Older Folks

CROP DUSTING – Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

FIRST!

Guilty of SWIPEOUT & XEROX SUBSIDY.

And, I've always referred to "Crop Dusting" as "Scooter Pooting". HAHAHA!

I love "OHNOSECOND" - classic (cuz yeah, I've had those too!)

Anonymous said...

How about these one's for you:

"We have a cow in the bedroom on this"

"I want some blue sky thinking"

"They've just pulled the lavatory chain on us"

T.C. said...

Totally feeling the list Blu...
SALMON DAY-I feel like i live this every day...

The Mistress said...

Stress Puppy huh?

I know a lot of those!

ROFL @ "Cube farm".

But does that make me a "farm animal" now?

God I hope not!

;-)

blaqrayne said...

LOL - those are cute. What do they call a trouble making bitch at the office who's on the road to gettin her ass beat?

Susan Abraham said...

How interesting, Blu.
I really like, 'Seagull Manager'.
Are these everyday words?

love

Hawa said...

OMG, Blu. Hilarious. Somebody sent these to me one day, and I sent the list to my co-workers. We are dealing with some "organizational" stuff and currently observe many of these terms on a daily basis.

Anonymous said...

I am loving the words...LMAO!!!

jc said...

One of my mgrs is great for blamestorming, being a seagul mgr, assmosis, and a stress puppy.

I might have to use some of these words myself.