17 January 2008

Change is good

"Change brings opportunities when people have been planning for it, are ready for it, and have just the thing in mind to do when the new state comes into being." Rosabeth Moss Kanter

We all go through things in life where we sometimes wonder what, when, how, to change ourselves or something in our lives. Some say one can't change and things don't change while others say the opposite. For me, I know change can be and is good as I've gone through quite a transformation of sorts over the past couple years. I've gone through many more changes prior to the aformentioned years, but the past two have been extremely significant for me.

I've had to reconcile with many issues and some people in order to make my changes and I had to lay some firm plans, prepare myself, and then execute them with conviction and commitment. I was and continue to be determined to have it all become whole and into fruition. So far; so good.

I recently had a conversation with someone I've known since I was 16. He's 3 years older than me in years, but in many ways always seemed to be lacking in wisdom for the age difference. He'd always praised me for my mental acuities ands prowess and has always felt he's learned a lot from me. He's a smart guy, but one who'd always used his physical attributes to supersede his mental. He's one of those people who is afraid of his own success and constantly did things to sabotage himself, his abilities, and his future. I would always say, "if you can't dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with bullshit." I heard the quote somewhere and it has always reminded me of him. Again, it was based on the fact that he used the wrong things to get what he wanted instead of his mind. It was a shame that a smart AND attractive man acted more like a bimbo; I call them "himbos" instead of manning up and doing things the right way. He preferred instant and/or temporary gratification than working for something tangible. It's a deficit that he's carried for damn near all the years I've known him (24 to be exact).

Of late he's expressed that he wants to change and put his fears and such behind him. I gave it to him straight; no chaser and told him he needs to let his balls drop and man up to the task. He has to stop allowing his situations to get the best of him and make excuses for his lack of fortitude. I refused to sugar coat shit and call it candy because that's what people have done to him in all the years I've known him. I told him he has to set the foundation in order to execute effectual change. He has a son and I told him he needs to set the stage for how his son will be in this world and he can't adequately do it if he's still in flux with his life. In addition, I told him that while opening the door to past issues is hard and painful, it's often the only way to close the door for good and have a future that's not dictated by the past.

It was kind of sad to have to tell a grown man how to be a man, but it was necessary. In order to make change, you have to be first honest with yourself and have those who surround you be honest. Furthermore, a strong support system is also essential for the change to exacted in it's proper fashion. When I read the opening quote, I was reminded of the conversation we had and was even more sure that what I had told him was true.

In life, we have to own up to who we are and what we want. If we're determined to make change, we have to do exactly as the quote states. As I execute my change for wholeness, I refer to this quote as a reminder to not quit and to press on. I hope it helps those of you on a similar quest.



Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

go with YOUR heart hon

dc_speaks said...


I agree with T.

thanks for sharing you! You are definitely a GEM!

Ali's Zay said...

Very timely and and a solid bulleye with this post. I know several people who need to read this post. Better yet they need to implement it in their lives!

Peace and Love,

Ali's Zay (LoversA.blogspot.com)

Mizrepresent said...

So on point Blu...kind of reminds me of the Inspirational moment i heard this morning, finding your IT factor and moving in IT. Some folks are put here to move you, and although it might not be what you like, it is what you need. Candy coating stuff wouldn't have done a thing, but speaking the hard truth to a friend can make a world of difference.

Blu Jewel said...

torrance - speaking from my heart is the only way

d.c - been a while man; thanks for stopping by. i call it as it is. I've been using the term "himbos" since high school.

zay - i KNEW you'd understand and thanks for your continued support.

miz - the IT factor is where it's at. I'm happy that you too are being blessed in such a positive way. Although I know it's going to take a lot of strength on my part, I'm willing to put forth the effort to help me.

Rosemarie said...

Change is good, and if we're looking for it, we had better look out because it's just on the horizon. Fasten your seatbelts!

You're such a positive influence and your friend will be grateful, if not now, then down the road a bit.