17 October 2006


Men – Do you routinely practice acts of chivalry (I’m defining it as, doing things for woman that could have been taught in “charm” school or that are considered old school/traditional behavior)? Do you have a problem opening doors, being prompt, allowing the woman to go first; things of that nature?

Women – Do you routinely accept or expect this kind of behavior? Are you willing to allow the man to lead, to do kind things without thinking he has an agenda, and would you reciprocate in kind?

Why am I asking this? Well, as a strong, independent, and assertive woman, I still appreciate and sometimes expect those traditional/chivalrous values. I carry myself in a ladylike manner and expect to be treated as such. I enjoy feeling like and being treated like a lady. I still hold an appreciation for the traditional values that don’t seem to be taught in our homes and society these days. How can be expect our children to know how to act if they’re not taught?

In speaking with a man who not only routinely, but proudly treats women in a polite and respectable fashion, he advised me that some women do not like it or understand it. I looked at him like, “are you serious?” In a day and age where women are often complaining there are no real men still in the world, here one is and he’s being under appreciated. He said, there was an occasion where he took a woman to a formal function and she didn’t know how to use the various utensils. On another occasion he said, the woman he was out with asked him what he wanted/expected because he was treating her in such a nice way. Can you believe such a thing? I thought it was a shame that a woman would even think like that. But I guess it’s the times we live in where everything comes with a price.

Personally, a man who opens/holds doors, escorts me under an umbrella, had good table manners, engages in good and interactive conversation is wonderful. No, it’s not about dating or sex, it’s simply about being polite and respectable. As ladies, we should learn to accept and appreciate that there are men who still uphold these values and show him that we enjoy it. Remember it’s the simple things that carry the most weight. My brothers, please learn these things if you haven’t already and my sisters, allow a man to lead and show him you are thankful that he’s treating you like a lady and not like a bitch or ho.


JC said...

I learned from Big Mama (God rest her soul) that if you want to do right in this world, you have to do right by a woman. She taught me what she could about chivalry and made sure Pops did too. And for the ladies, just cause a man can wear an Armani suit don't make him a gentleman and just cause a man is thugged out don't mean he ain't.

JC said...

Oh, ps...I missed you too rayne and I see you with your crazy comments.

A woman on the move said...

It’s always refreshing to meet or run into a guy that has that “old school” charm. I say old school, because it’s damn near extinct these days.LOL

While I am an independent woman, I find nothing wrong with allowing a man to display his manners to me. I don’t need to open the door first, or walk ahead of a man every time to feel empowered.

BlaqRayne said...

I love a man who will do right by me and who will accept the same in return. I look for those values in the men that I date as well as those that my younger sisters, cousins, etc. date.

I have had it overboard though. The last guy that I dated was rediculous. Now don't give me that look. Every color I wore, looked great me. I was never called by my birth name, I was "Beautiful" all the time. If I farted, it smelled like white lillies. Don't get me wrong, I love compliments but he was so excessive that I found it hard to believe after awhile.

Glad to see you back JC. Hope you're doing well. You're a good brotha...keep your head up.

Organized Noise said...

I posted about this a few weeks ago. I think its a lost art that only a handful of guys (myself included) still practice.

Teej said...

Man my mama would have my ass if I didnt do those things. And I lived with her in umpteen years! Still she instilled those things in my brother and I. Opening doors, pulling out a chair....on down to when walking on the street with a lady I (apparently) have to walk closest to the curb. Still cant figure that one out b/c I cant withstand the impact of an errant car anymore than she could, but whatever.

BluJewel said...

JC, On, & teej - it's nice to hear that you all were taught some good values and still practice what you've learned. I hope the women you're around appreciate it.

rayne - farts that smell like lillies huh? You must be DA TROOF gurl! LOL!On the real though, I hear what you're saying. It's nice to get comps and all that, but excessively makes it all redundant.

Susan Abraham said...

I still see a fair amount of chivalry being replayed in countries like England & Australia but forget the larger chunk of Asia, Blu. Especially places like India, Philippines & Hong Kong.
(To them, this post may sound like Greek.)


JoJo D. said...

One thing I can say is that I've had the pleasure of dating one or two (older) gentlemen who were polite and kind, and sweet, and chivalrous as all get out. And I think that's the issue right there: Older gentlemen still practice these good social manners and graces, but these young men today wouldn't be caught dead being polite to a woman. To them, with their gangsta and thug attitudes, a man practicing good manners is considered weak behind a woman.

I love for a man to show me good manners - like pulling my chair out for me, or opening the car door for me, or giving me his kerchief when I need it, or standing up for me whenever I enter or leave a room or sit or stand up at the table, or bringing a bottle of wine to dinner at my place. I used to love all that when I had it. It's a shame the practice of Chivalry is a lost art now.

Good post, BluJ. You're the best!

jason evans said...

I definitely hold doors and let ladies go first (among other things). I'm not aware that anyone has been offended by that. If nothing else, it simply keeps things running smoothly (like not running into each other as you both reach for the door).

jus.b.fli said...

You betta preach, sis!

I've often said, I'm down with womens lib and womens rights and alla that shit, but PLEASE don't get it twisted... I LOVE being treated like a lady. I LOVE having doors opened for me. I LOVE it when a man offers to help me with a large package or when he steps to the side to let me enter the elevator before him, etc etc. And whatever happened to a man standing when a lady enters the room??!!! (sigh)

I still remember something I was watching on television once and one of the characters asked her friends if they thought chivalry was dead... one smartass replied, "he may not be dead, but he's certainly on a leave of absence!" (LOL)

It's funny, but I sure don't want that to the case.

Great post! Peace...

BluJewel said...

Su, JoJo, & Jus - you are all women of discerning taste and character so you get this post. It's a shame that men can't/won't learn that in spite of our being independent and such, we still appreciate the finer things in life...like Chivalry

Jason - Thanks for the stop by and thanks for being a man of good quality in character

KAP396 said...

Teej, I do understand that you my not be able to handle the impact of that errant car but you have to remember that your chest bone was cracked for a beautiful woman to be formed. Blujewel, Thanks for that blog. I hope more guy other than the ones that have read this understand it. It is simply we have to remember how we treat/treated our mothers and understand that on day a woman that you treat good will also teach her son/daughter that chivalry should not die.